And So It Happened

              I have been at home for 2 weeks now because a child at my job tested positive for Covid-19 so we had to shut the place down. During those two weeks, I have been doing virtual learning with my children. I don't like teaching virtual because I can't see the kids and make them do the things I want them to do. I know that sounds bad but I'm just worried that they're not learning like they should be.

             I'm also worried about how their home life is while they're at home. I think most of my kids are doing pretty good but I just wish they would get on or I would get a response from the parents of some kind. Last Friday I did a live circle time and I only had one kid show up to it. I had to tape it and send it by email to the rest of the kids. I have also heard from two,out of my three, kids. Then my co-teacher has heard from two out of three of her kids. 

              There are some parents that I still haven't heard from and that really discourages me. I just hope they are doing okay. And I've learned during these two weeks that the families like texts better and they like email or calling. If this is the way learning is going to be from now, I don't know if I can stand it. I know even if I touch one kid that's something but it is still discouraging at the same time and frustrating. 

               Virtual learning is also hard when you are thrown into it and no one shows you what to do or tells you how to get ready for it. It would be so much easier if I had the paperwork that I need to do it but no one told me until it was too late. I am getting the hang of it though. While doing vitual learning at home, I also got some housework done by organizing things that needed to be organized so that's good. It is the end of the two weeks and now I am bored out of my mind because I can think of anything else to do.

                I've sent out everything that I'm supposed to send out. I have got the lesson plans ready for the next month. I could print stuff off and get that stuff ready but I don't have a printer at home so now I'm just kind of stuck at home watching TV. Virtual learning is fine for a while but doing it all year or for a long period of time, I don't know how students or parents can handle it.

               I just know that I cannot so I hope it does not happen again. I also hope we will be done with all of this stuff soon. It would definitely be a new generation of learners if we have to keep going virtually. The world will definitely turn to something else when these virtual kindergarteners grows into adults. It is just crazy but that is just my opinion too. I will go before I get on my soapbox. I just wanted to write down what was going on these past two weeks that we had to shut down because of the virus.

Change-Good or Bad?

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

-Hebrews 13:8

"Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead."

-Philippians 3: 13 b

"For It is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."

-Philippians 2:13

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            I cannot help but have these words find my friend long ago still ring in my ears.

            "It's good that we all changing/growing because if we weren't God can it work in us."so in that case change is good. And change is also good because Jesus is always the same so nothing really changes there. There's no change. He is always the same so why not think about that doing changes and you might not even notice the change.

             But what if the change is good and you do want to notice it? I mean changes from someone passing to changing styles to teach kids? How do you know when to remember the change and when not to? I think we remember whether or not we want to. It's not up to us. I know I've remembered some of the changes because of the life lessons I've learned from them. Here are just some to name a few:

-passing of grandparents

-losing or changing jobs

-letting go of people

-this pandemic.

               Through all of them I have learned a little bit more about myself and became stronger which is a good change too. I guess when I think about a bad change it is about this pandemic mostly. When I say bad I mean bad as in can't go to church, kids at home learning online, people fighting and dying, and staying distant and no more hugging and oh yeah the masks where you see no smiles.

                 This year (2020) there has been more chains than I can take. It's always back and forth. Nothing is routine anymore. No one can make up their minds. Nothing is set and stone. I miss those days. I miss the normal I know and was born into. This is the biggest change I felt in my whole 32 years. If not the biggest, definitely the worst because it affects everyone not just a region or a place.

                 It could also be a lot of little changes in one big change. I don't know how many little ones I've had in this pandemic yet one thing still remains the same and that is Jesus. So I still don't know if it changes good or bad. There is one thing I know though and that is God is still the same through everything. He is teaching me this for a reason but I'm still not quite sure what that reason is yet. I just know that I have to get ease to change whether it is good or bad because each one weighs out the other. I've always noticed if a bad change comes along It is for a good reason or a good change follows it.

                 All this to say that things will change whether we want them to or not. We just have to remember that Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever. We also have to remember that we don't look back but to look forwards. I know it's tricky but if we can remember those two things we can get through the hard and bad changes.

Are We Really Better Off Now?

           The title might sound like a political title but it's not. I'm writing this entry for myself so I can remember this feeling years from now. The USA has been on my mind lately especially since yesterday was 9/11. And just to the people know and in mind myself I was crying during writing this entry. Where has the unity of the America right after 9/11 gone today. I remember that as a country we were all together after the crashes.

               Even during the crashes, We were all watching it happen somewhere on TV or heard about it at least. It brought families, friends, neighbors, and all kinds of people together. I remember being in my 8th grade science class for watching the TV when this happened. I remember my dad, the superintendent, coming in the classroom and telling my science teacher about the first plane hitting. That is when my teacher turned on the TV for us to watch. Then I think it was later that day or maybe not too long after I heard about the Pentagon being hit and that is when I started to worry about my brother because he was living close to DC at the time.

              Just to let you all know I am I'm crying big time right now as I write this. That memory still gets me to this day. And it is worse this year because of how us Americans have acted out of hate and greed and differences. How can we forget the feelings of 9/12? The feelings of everyone just wanting to be at home, just people wanting to see people they haven't seen in forever, and so on. I'm going to say something that I might get hated for but to me it's how I see it. I'm not trying to dislike on anyone but this is how I see everything that's going on right now in today's world.

                We were United those 19 years ago. Now it is clear that we are not and that just breaks my heart. Here we are fighting against what some people will say a silent killer from maybe someone else or who knows. I'm not going into from where but it is a silent killer and as I see America right now it is torn upon and not helping neighbors, friends, families, and so on. This America today 19 years after 9/11 is watching out for themselves. We are fighting against each other. Thinking one is better than any other. Having all these rules. Staying home. Staying our distance. No more hugging. No more hospitality. No more unity. It just kills me that I am living in a world that is like that now.

                We passed, as a nation, 9/11 not talking to people, staying distance, wearing masks, not wanting to go to restaurants, not wanting to hang out, and not wanting to go to church but watch it on TV, because we are all a scared bunch of people that thinks about ourselves and not others. Yes, I know I'm going to get probably some dislikes and mean comments. 

                 "But if you really think about it 19 years ago something loud and devastating got our attention but yet here we are with a silent killer and all we can think about is me me me."

                 Shouldn't we be acting the same way today as we did 19 years ago? Shouldn't we be banding together as America instead of killing, fighting, and so on? Shouldn't we be checking on our neighbors? Shouldn't be calling on family members to see if they are okay and checking up on them? I'm not saying that I have done a very good job on all of that but at least I'm trying.

              And I'm sorry this is probably the strongest entry that I have ever wrote but it is true to me at least. And it is true all the way around no matter what political side you are on. I know people of all culture and background so coming from me it is not one-sided at all. Look at it and think about it and then you will understand.