My October: Patience

Two main words I focused on this month:

-Flexibility 

-Patience 

Mood Tracker:

Happy: 13 times

Patience: 6 times

Fear: 10 times

Bored: 5 times

Confident: 9 times

Productive: 15 times

Habit Tracker:

Drink water: 10 times

Do yoga: 1 time

Say prayers: 13 times

Eating heathly: 3 times

Patience Log:

-Was there a moment where you felt more or less Patience?

More patience:

-Learning how to enroll children

-Less people were at Apple Butter Makin Days

Less patience:

-One kid was a little too wild

-Trying to get to dad

-Not having papers where they should be

October Calendar: 

-Oct. 2nd- Went to Andy's at night

-Oct. 4th- Ask Vicne to be an usher

-Oct. 7th- Ask if Aoife can be flower girl

-Oct. 8th- Went home then dad went to hospital 

-Oct. 9th- Went to Apple Butter Making Days and had a campfire at my parents' house 

-Oct.11th- Dad in hospital 

-Oct. 12th- Dad in hospital still

-Oct. 15th- Drained fluid from dad's lungs in hospital 

-Oct. 16th- Went to deer stand at Zack's dad's place

-Oct. 17th- KC WON!

-Oct. 18th- left work early and Went home and to hospital to see dad. Told him I loved him while I was there. He was "sleeping".

-Oct. 19th- Went to hospital again to see dad for the last time. He passed away at 3:00 with everyone, all the family, around him. 

-Oct. 20th- Met with Steve to get ready for service. 

-Oct. 21st- Back to AR and took a mental day off.

-Oct. 22nd- Went back to MO

-Oct. 23rd- All of the families got here.

-Oct. 24th- Dad's Celebration of Life

-Oct. 25th- Stayed home and then went back to AR

-Oct. 26th- the day I went back to work after dad passed

-Oct. 29th- Found out director is moving and getting a new one

-Oct.30th- Treat Street @ Grace Point Church

Currently:

Loving: My family

Feeling: fearful and sad and confused 

Wishing: my dad would get better

Planning: Trunk or Treating with church, flowers for the wedding 

Yep, that was my month of October. How was yours?

Letter of Gratitude for Thanksgiving

           I know this is a little late but I just thought of it. I am going to write a letter of gratitude for Thanksgiving but I wrote it way before then. I wrote it last month on the morning my dad passed away. I was sitting on the back porch all by myself looking at the sunrise. Everyone has left for the hospital but I was going later. Here it is what I wished I could have said to my dad and should have: 

Dear Daddy,

           Don't know what to say but thanks. Thanks for believing in your littlest girl. I know there were times you had to be patience with me. From math to cars. You knew I wouldn't make it in life without those two things. You were there guiding me through every job loss. You were the strength when I didn't have any because I knew I had to make you happy somehow. I knew you were always there for me and you were til the very end. Thank you for everything and all of the memories.

Love,

Tiffney 

No More Scars

         My mom picked this song to play on the video of family pictures at

 my dad's celebration of life and I couldn't agree more. 

 His life was exactly like this. He had so many scars from all of his 

cancers, heart problems, and muscle problems but now he is free of them 

and the pain that they caused. He has a whole new body. It is true 

that the only scars in Heaven is holding him now. He fought a good fight 

and ran a good race. He even said that he was finished and I can't blame him. 

He fought it good and long and over and over again. It is sad for all of us 

but we know he is in a better place and he had strength to get through everything 

he needed too. He had that strength because he prayed for it. One saying I will 

never forget is one that he said at the end of our meal prayers. It was: "May You 

give us the strength to do Your Will". And I think he felt like he had done it. 

Even though, he was planning and thinking about other things and living life like 

he could get through it. Deep down I think he knew his time was close but he didn't

want any of us to see him weak until we really had to because that was just who my 

dad was. 

Scars in Heaven-Casting Crowns 

     I would've stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter

Now what I'd give for one more day with you
'Cause there's a wound here in my heart where something's missing
And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time
But I know you're in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now

I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now

There's not a day goes by that I don't see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I'm standing with you in the sun, I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now