Hearing God Speak

         It never felt better then now to be writing again on a computer instead of my phone. I got a new computer this past week. You don't know how much you miss something until you have it again. I'm hoping to start up my writing back to every other day now but we'll see. I'm pretty busy with work and other things. I do have a lot of stories to tell about my life and work. We have some interesting children this go around and I'm excited to see God work in a lot of ways through me and the children.  In fact, God is already working through me with one and that is the reason I am writing now.
         We have this little boy that has had everything done under the sun to him. Ok, that might be a little lie but just a little. He was taken away just like that with no explanation.  He has no idea what is going on. He says everyday that his daddy is going to come get him and that he wants to leave the place. He wants to go with sister because he thinks sister is going with daddy. He is just a mess and poor baby, so confused and angry. I have never see a child this confused or angry. He has words to use very good words.
          Not to brag, but I seem like the only one that he will talk to. He has told the other staff that he hates them but then again you have to remember what this children hear and just shove it off. We have had this little boy for about a week now and it doesn't seem to be getting any better so I did something last night instead of working on the computer like I usually do. I noticed that he didn't want to go watch the movie with the other children. He just wanted to sit by himself and talk to himself or anyone that would listen to him. When he was talking to himself, he started out fine and nicely but then he started to get mean again.
          That is when God tugged on my heart and said, "Tiffney, the computer work can wait. This little boy needs someone to just talk to and listen to him spill things out. He likes you enough. Why don't you try to talk to him?"
           I went and got the little boy and rocked him while he talked during movie time. Boy, did he have things to say that I can't share on here. He is smarter then we think. I mean he used the words "vehicle", "copper pipe", and other words that you would not expect to come out of a 3 year old little boy's mouth. He talked for the whole hour while I was wondering him. I got bit and pieces here and there but he is also hard to understand especially when he is just spilling out things.
           He gets in his hateful moods and wants to leave and go back and I don't understand it but I feel sorry for any child that has to go through that. I'm sure that if I was treated the way he was, I would be hateful too until someone showed me that they loved and cared for me enough to listen. I might need to do that every night for a few nights and you know what that is fine with me. I love to listen and figure things out. I love that kind of "challenge".
            He didn't cry or anything. He just talked and talked to me. It did take him a little while to get to sleep after that but it got his mind off of crying and wanting to go see sister and brother since they were busy doing an activity.

           People that know me say that I care a lot about these children and that they cling to me from day one. They do but I wonder sometimes do people get why they want me. I see the need for a listening ear and gentle spirit within me and I use those two things first instead of other things because listening to a child is way more important then any house chore.

Homeless Siblings

         This past week was probably one of the hardest for me and here is why. A brother and a sister came to us because they were homeless. You could tell right from when they walked in because of the smell on them and the clothes they had on were too big and dirty. The brother seemed to be developmentally behind. The sister just seemed to be mad all the time.
          Their dad was the one homeless and who turned them in for a good reason we hope. He just couldn't care for them right and he knew it. Mom was not in the picture. It was so cute because I took the little girl "shopping" in our store closet and every time I would get out a shirt or pants she would say, "that's pretty". Just broke my heart.
           For both of them, if I left the room they would just start to scream and cry. The brother held on tight to me every time I held him. I was the one to calm him down. It was sad because we had to split those two up Friday and the brother had to go somewhere else because he really needed that one on one attention. This was the 1st time that I "complained" (felt like it to me) but really spoke out for a child wondering why he couldn't stay. I asked, "why can't he stay? We had one like him before." It was the right choice for him.
          I got to take him all the way out to the car and it was sad. I just thought though that we had another boy like him before and I took the day he left off. If I was there when that boy that I took care of for 45 days when he left I would have started to cry. I mean I almost cried when this boy left and he was there for only 3 days.
         The stories we get are hard sometimes but it is then you know you will really make a difference in that child's life because it is all about the child. At least, there is a place that the children can go where they are safe and well taken care of. Instead, of being out on the street with dad.

A Boy's Visit to the Doctors

         This morning I had a really interesting drs. Appointment that I got to take one of the older boys to. It was my worse and sad one yet but in a way a neat experience at the same time. It was a boy that needed to get caught up on his shots.
         He did not like getting shots at all. Even before we got there, he kept saying how long will it be and I miss my mommy and daddy and I want to go home. He even told the drs. That but he was happy to see the doctor because he remembered him.
           I had to hold him on my lap for his first shot while holding his arms down so the doctor could give a shot. His second shot was longer so we had to have 3 people hold him. I hid his face so he could not see the shot and told him to look at my eyes. One of the doctors told him to look at mom (me) because he did not know. That got to me. I was really about to cry after that because I felt sorry for him.
           Then on the way back he asked me if I ever got shots. I told him that I did when I was little like him and that I cried too. Also, that I still do not like them to this day.
           At supper, a few hours after, he said my name aloud to get my attention. He was smiling when he said it. It is a strange thing but I love drs. Appointments because it is like you and only you are there for the child and they might remember you for that one reason. This is the second appointment I took a older kid to that was scared. Honestly, you just have to share your stories so they know they are not the only one going through it.

My Veggie Garden

        It is that time of year where everything is being harvested or about ready to be harvested. I have been thinking a lot about gardens lately. I am taking care of a family garden while they are gone on vacation. A friend of mine just put up a video with family sorting veggies from the garden.
         I did not think about it a lot til today but gardens mean a lot to me and had a spiecal roll in my life. Not only did I grow up with a garden every spring and summer with a sunflower house in it. Everyone I knew had a garden. My grandparents and friends. It was so funny too because it would be the main thing my grandpas did. It was mostly up to them. Now I grew up with my mom tending the garden. That is where she spends her time outside at.
            I was picking tomatoes today and I remembered something about my grandad. Tomatoes were his thing to grow. He would always want to find a way to make them better. He would always pass them out to us family members. He would always have more then he could handle. I remember too that that use to be a thing he talked about a lot because he was proud of them along with his war stories.
         I remember having a garden on my farm right by the gravel road. It had everything in it too. Corn, watermelons and some other melons, and green beans. It was also right in front of his workshop.
          I also remembered my FFA saying the first year I was in it. LIFE IS A GARDEN, DIG IT! Meaning make the most out of your life. Do not let it slip by without making a difference.
         Again, for me, it is the simple things in life that I remember the most.
          

Miracle Children

         It has been a week since I wrote last and I am sorry about that. I have been busy with family and working overtime and so forth. This entery will just be to keep you updated on my job because we have had some children with sad, interesting stories come in. By interesting I mean, some I never thought would happen but God is still opening my eyes.
           We had a 5 month old baby come in with stitches in her head because she had to have her retinas put back together. She was physically abused that bad. She is the sweetest baby ever and has the cutest smile. I was holding my new girl cousin a week after this 5 month came to us. While holding my cousin, I thought how could someone do this to a baby. I was scared to hold the baby at first but know I hold her every chance I get. The 5 month old, we were told, when she got to the hospital, only had a 10% chance of living.
              Then we got a little 2 year old because his house caught on fire. His brothers and him had to go to the hospital and we got him straight from there. He is fine now. Just a 24 hour look over. He is the cutest thing. Very shy right now but very bright for a 2 year old. He is tall too.
               If God is not trying to tell my something now, then I do not know what He is doing. I do know that the world is not a perfect place and I see it everyday.  

Discipline for Children

         "Discipline your child in the way he or she should go."-in the book of Proverbs

          This verse came to mind when I was talking to one of my co-workers. I am getting the experience that it is really hard to discipline children and when you give them everything they want they will take you for granted. We were told to give into a little 4 year old girl's whining because she is attention seeking. This is a little smart girl so now she whines about everything even the things she can do by herself.
          With this girl, I think I have seen her go downhill from when we, workers, started giving in to her. She will not stop whining about anything and she is throwing the biggest fits I have ever seen. She did not start with the big fits when we first saw her. Granted lot of things could make her this way but one thing is for sure, she is trying to get attention.
           I am learning to discipline a lot better I think because of this experience and other experience. I am actually the mean but reasonable one for once. It is different for me but the children respect me a lot more. It started off hard and was tiring at first because I had to think a lot but now I have some ideas stored up in my head.
           Children will listen to strict but loving parents/people. Yet there is a fine line for sure. Not saying it is easy at all, epically when more then one person is involved. A person can be too mean and too soft. It also matters on what the child's developmental age and physical age is too.
             All this to say, God has/had a plan when He told us that we should discipline the children and how. From this verse, how is in the way he/she should go. Do we what our children to go down the right path or the wrong path? The children might hate us at first but then they will see what we are doing and love us, even though in my case they might not now who I was way back when.
            

Love Covers a Multitude of Sins

          "Love covers a multitude of sins."

That is the verse that hit me Monday during a staff meeting and it cannot be more true for this job and life in general. I got to thinking that this might be life verse, my mission to live by. Wouldn't it be neat to have an orphanage, children's home, or even a foster home with this verse being the mission statement?
           I would love to come up with my own way of doing things to by using the Bible in everything we would do. I have noticed over the few children and times that I have read the Bible to some children that they respect and remember me more. I have seen children go from out of control to calm for me. I know it is not all me that is for sure but it is neat to see what God's Love can do. At my job, it helps me to remember that I am not only covering the child's sin but more the parents' and sometimes it is a lot harder then others. Love, God's Love, wants us to love everyone no matter the sin.
            We could get into a "talk" about that and I know there are sins that even God dislikes but as a general thing to remember we cannot judge other people. That is not our job. Our job is to love everyone. Trust me, I know easier said then done. Back to the child's point of view.
            No matter how the children behave they will settle down at night to listen to a story and I read them one or two Bible stories. Sometimes child will cling to me after I start that routine. That could be bad because then I turn into a sucker for them but maybe that love and attention is all that they need. Hard to really tell but that is my guess.
            I have also had two children come back and they gave me a hug first thing and they were so well behaved. First two that started all this Bible reading. Both of those have been like God moments in return. Time was stopped for a short second.
           Never underestimate the power of God's Love even for the rowdiest and loudest child. God loves them all and so should we.

Work on Self

        I had brunch with a friend this morning and she put into words what I have been trying to do for myself lately ever since a friendship hit a rough spot. She said, "I just need to work on myself". I do not know how many times I have heard that said but it hit me this morning. Hit me because of the things going on around me.
         I need to know who I am in Christ and where He wants me in this world before adding another person to the mess. I need to seek God more and things will fall into place. I was thinking earlier this weekend about how I need to stop picking out guys for me and let God do it.
         I will admit I feel lost and confused. I do not know what I want my life to be like. I feel like I am going between two very different lifestyles. I am not as organzied as I should be. I am not as healthy as I should be. I still have a lot to learn espically money wise. 
           I need God to show me who He had meant for me to be and then when I am ready He will pick out the guy and bring him into my life. God is working on making me a better person just by wanting to seek Him. God is giving me the Love, Joy, and Peace I need to have in any situations. Even though it is hard, I am learning to back off and let it be in God's control. Having more self-control then usual. :)
          If God is teaching me anything, which I know He is, it is to have good self-control with myself first.

One Word to Describe God

         Last month I was on a "Love" kick. I was trying to understand what Love was and how we should love. I'm still going to look into it but this entery might be the last one on love for awhile because God is teaching me a lot of other things that you will start hearing about this week.
        I was talking to a friend two weeks ago about love and what I learned. I told her that there is so much to learn and it is so hard to understand. She said something back to me that really made me think.
        "There is only one word that can describe love and that word is "God"." That stopped me in my tracks and I had to think about it. "God is Love". We hear that all the time but we really do not think about it deeply. We try to love things and people and we try to make people love us but if we look to God we do not have to do all those things.
          God loves us (you) more then you could ever think of. He sent His Son, Jesus to die for you. He is always with you and He thinks you are perfect and beautiful inside and outside. He is able to give you what you need. He thinks very highly of you. There is no way to explain God's ongoing, awesome Love for us.
            We can sit and try to figure it out or we can just let it be and enjoy in the good and bad times. Remember when you think no one cares or when you feel like you are unlovable, GOD LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT! He will hold you tight in His arm. When you are trying to think of a word to explain God to someone use "Love" because there are only a few words if any that explains God better then this word.

Freedom to Enjoy the Way We Live

          My 4th of July weekend has been pretty good. I've been thinking about all the freedoms we do have and most of my thoughts came from children. I've had 3 thoughtful moments with 3 children.
          One moment was with one of my little girls yesterday at work. I read "Psalm 23" and that's sort of about freedom in Christ. Then I told her that I loved her no matter how she acted and that I hope she knows that. The other two moments were from both of my nephews but one yesterday and one today.
           The moment that happened yesterday was while we were taking the dogs for a walk with grandpa (aka my dad). My oldest nephew saw some trash on the ground and said to me "we don't litter, do we?" I responded back "no, we take care of the earth." My nephew said, "Because it is God's Creation and we should take care of it, right." I said, "Right, God wants us to take care of His Creation."
              We have the freedom to live on this earth and take care of it.
              Then the other moment just happened today. I was help with the woodworking, when my oldest nephew asked me about my job. How do you explain a bunch of abused and negetled children to a 7 year old? I told him how long they stay there and how I put them to bed (aka read to them and rock them) and how sometimes they have a hard time listening too. I told them that they even talk sometimes when they're not suppose to. Then we got on the subject of them having a new home and a new mommy and daddy. Then my nephew made a lot of comments about how a lot of children don't have a mommy and daddy in the world.
               That's when I told him to be thankful for his mommy and daddy because he is blessed with ones that will take care of him. Now that I'm thinking about all of this it comes down to remembering that we have the freedom to live the way we want too. As my 7 year old nephew said, "We also need to be thankful for our independence and living the way we do" (no words added or taken away).