Going for my Dream

        With this entry, I am passing the 12 entries that I have been doing every month but that is okay. That just means I have been thinking a lot more, I guess. I have been thinking about my life and my dream a lot lately. Not only those things but also who I truly am. Why I am so scared to go for my dream and what is stopping me and when I look back it is just foolish.
         Let's start way back in high school and those hard times there. I grew up in a small country school where everyone knew everyone. I was the superindentant's daughter and an elementary teacher's kid. I will say, because it was a big part of my life, that all my classmates and I mean mostly all of them either made fun of me or were nice to me because of you I was. I was never a normal person. I also remember them thinking and saying things about how I got away with everything because I was the superindent's daughter and how I needed to go to his office because I couldn't stand situations I was in.
         There was this one time that I remember so clearly and I think it was that moment that I decided I'm not going to let myself down or anyone else. I am going to show them what I will be and can become. One of the girls in my class said something about how I have to depend or do depend on my daddy for everything, which I don't. It was right then and there I remember that I decided that I was going to be strong, stubborn, hardworking, and determined. Don't get me wrong none of those things are bad expect when they are keeping you from your dreams.
            I mean you need all of those to reach your dream but you can over do it and I have I am thinking a lot. I have got so overwhelmed with those 4 things and still thinking I have to show the people from my class what I am worth, even though, I haven't seen them in 15 or so years. Yes, it has been that long.
          I'm learning that sometimes you need to let go of the perfection and wanting to prove your worth to people and just be happy with how God made you and the dream He has for you.
          I always thought that living on my own and having one job after another or staying at one job long enough would prove something but honestly to myself it doesn't prove anything especially if I'm not happy there and keep thinking about something else. Ever since I have been in AR, even in college, I started to think about owning my own daycare. That is why I can a degree in Child Development. That was the purpose. Why am I holding back from that dream? One reason I can tell you know that I have figured out is that it is hard trying to live by yourself and have enough money and time to start one up when you have to pay for an apartment.
           Especially if you already work at a daycare because your energy is gone when you get home. No matter what you try to keep it up. With this thought and other thoughts like these going through my head, I really have been thinking about moving back to MO. It might be strange at first because I might live with my parents or at least need that help but once in a life you need their help. You need people's help when you have a big dream you are trying to pursue. What more is it for me to prove that I am stubborn, determined, and hardworking when I don't have anything to show it in the end.
           When I think about the words that my classmates said to me about needing my daddy's help to get through life, it isn't like that at all. I don't need his help or anyone else's help but I want it. It is good to show that you don't have to be strong on the time and I think that is what I'm getting sick of right now in life. I am sick of being strong and getting nothing out of it alone when I could have people helping me. When God has given amazing people I can ask questions to and can help me in other ways yet I am scared to ask and scared to live the life I live now but if I do I will never be happy.
            You get to do so many things and your dream can be much bigger when you share it with someone or more people instead of yourself.  You could work full or part time and save that money intend of spend $400 or more for an apartment. You could work part time and then work on the plans at home since you don't need to make a lot of money because you are not paying for much. You would hopefully have people right that beside you encouraging and cheering you on instead of looking for those kinds of people. It would be lonely by yourself but when you have your family and friends by your side it is much more enjoyable. The only person you have to show your worth to is God and He loves you no matter what. He knows you can reach the dream He has for you so why not prove Him right! 

"God has been telling me this for 4 years or more and I am now just realizing all of this. "
Challenge for whoever is reading this is: Stop trying to be perfect for the people around you or that were once around you and start to live YOUR LIFE, not theirs! Let go of those words and judgements and grudges and just go for the Golden streets ahead!" :)