Never Hold On

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

    for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
    for to you I entrust my life."- Psalm 143:8

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"Let it Go, Let it Go. Can't hold it back anymore! 

Let it go, Let it Go! Turn away and slam the door!"

-Frozen

And yes, I do work with children (aka little children). 

          This verse has been my life this month. I haven't had a verse that I have lived by or realized that I lived by until this month. I feel like everything that is happening is because of this verse right here. I have been through some of the most painful times but yet got the answers that I needed to move on. I have learned to let go and entrust my life to God.

          I was just reading a devo. with this verse as the theme verse and the writer puts is this way: "It is a choice. I choose to put my trust in God everyday, when my heart wavers." Right now, that is something I need to do with everything in my life. I need to make it a choice first and foremost, to put my trust in God's plan for my life. I need to let go of what He is telling me to let go of for now and maybe ever and just trust that that other person or thing will be good in life because of God. 

          Letting go, especially of people that I really care about, is hard for me. When I chose to invest in them or things like that it is hard. I know that I have a God that loves me more then anyone can and that is all that really matters. God has unfailing Love for me and just me so why not put my trust in Him. The Only True One I can really depend on. Why not devote my Life to Him and not some other person. Not trying to put anyone down because I know they are doing what they think is best for the both of us and I know they would never want to hurt me but I'm just saying like it should be for all of us towards God.

          God's mercies are new every morning! That is another thing that we should remember. I can't explain how I am feeling at the moment with this verse coming in the perfect month of my life and situation but I know God is up to something. I can let go physically of the people I love but one thing is for sure if I care and love them enough then I will never let go of them spiritually. If they have made a big impact on my life, then I'm never going to let go of them spiritually. They will always be in my prayers one way or the other. 

          Another thing is just to trust that God is leading everything that is being decided in this situation and others that while it might seem hard it might be what is needed. It might sound out of the world to you but between the other person and God, maybe it is just the thing needed. Sometimes it might even be the thing you need to get yourself to let go and devoted to God again because you didn't realize you were doing certain things or didn't really see the other's feelings. 

         It is so hard to let go of something that is material or flesh but just maybe it is needed to see the spirituality in things. It being me and yes, I do think like this I should have seen things working up to the situation. I should have seen the things nice and clearly and I should have stopped but when I didn't that is when God took control and was like," You need to stop this." God was putting thoughts in my mind of what to do even before I ever saw this coming. Once again, God knows how to prepare us too for things. 

        This quote was in the demo. too and I just LOVE it right now! It is: "Life seems to be full of moments that ask us to let go when we long to hold on." I will be true here. I was holding on for so long when I should have just let go by doing the asking. I truly believe, though, that God is going to us this for the good in both of our lives. God is just going to keep growing us more. To be honest, too, it is strange that after my second baptism all of this is happening too. Maybe God knows something that I don't know yet because He always does! Maybe this was a change that I needed but was to scared to let go of so I held on.

         If there is one tip from this entry, let it be: "Never hold on. Let Go with God tells you to let go. Don't even doubt Him for a second because things will get worse and you might never get those good moments back." I will give the Proverbs 31 Ministry credit for it because that is where I got the 1st and 2nd quote and that idea and reminder that I have to choose to trust God everyday. It is a choice. Third quote was a quote that I made up. 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

          May is a busy month for a lot of things for me. It is a month that I can't keep track of things. I have like 10 birthdays, family members'  and friends, not really but it seems that way if I gave everyone a card. Not only is it Foster Care Awareness month but it is also Mental Awareness Month, which is a big deal for me since I have anxiety. I would like to say something about it and try to get people in the know. I know the month of May is almost over and I wish I could have done this entry sooner but at least I'm doing it now.
          I have known I had anxiety since 2 years ago but I probably had it all my life or at least since high school. I started taking meds. since I admitted it that I had it 2 years ago. It is something that people have to take easy with the ones that have it because it could be hard for them to admit. It was hard for me to admit it. I have had people want to help me in high school and college but I just wouldn't listen to them. It had to take me until I was living on my own to see that I needed it. I was even scared to admit it but once I got out into the world and knew people that had the same problem it helped me share my story and admit it too.
           I got help from my sister in law at first. She was the first one that pushed me to try the meds. and to see that I needed it. I have tried 3 different meds. and it was this Jan. that I finally found a cheap one that worked for me. I tried Zoloft first and then some other random kinds and now I am on Citalopram. I remember in high school, my senior year, is when we first started looking into things because I was scared to go to college like I was. I really thought that I had a little bit of Autism but turned out that I didn't have any signs of it.
           They suggested that I take some Zoloft just in case so I did and that is when it all started. I stopped even looking into it my 5 years in college and not to say that was a bad idea but I could have avoided some major test anxiety and choices if I would have looked more into. If I wasn't so scared of it and what other people would have thought about it. I feel a lot better now that it is out in the open more then it has been in the past and I am not scared to share about it because I know other people might be going through it too.
           I was searching for an organization really fast today to write about and let people know about and I found one. I was also searching for some facts about anxiety and other mental health issues. It has a branch in Fayetteville, AR. It is called "Mental Health America" and the website is"www.mentalhealthamerica.net. The first two websites are just about anxiety like facts and the different kinds of anxieties that a person can have. Then the last one is just ideas on how to control your mental health and keep it healthy.
          I have tried some of the things that is on the one to keep your brain healthy. Of course, writing my problems or thoughts out like this is a big one for me. Talking to God is another big one for me. I love reading books to take my mind someplace else. I also try and color whenever I can because it really does, at least, take me back to my childhood, especially if I do like a princess coloring book and another character book that was back in my time. I have also tried to eat healthy but like everyone else that doesn't stay for very long. Then there are some other things on there that I haven't thought of and need to try soon.
          All of this to say, "Don't stop being a friend to someone that has a mental illness and even if it something like anxiety they need you to be serious about it. Don't just blow it off. Really listen to them."  A lot of other people blow it off like it isn't a big deal and that is because they don't understand what it really is or what it really is like. If a person tells you about it, then that must mean they trust you enough to help them to deal with it. I will say that I have anxiety for sure but sometimes I wonder if I have more of the social anxiety then just the general anxiety. People can't work on their illness if they have no one to help them through it.
          Here is another website or two and one I know about and the other one I just found out about because I have worked with them in a way. I also have a friend that works at this place. The website is: http://www.ozarkguidance.org.
The other website is: https://www.mentalhealth.gov. I wish I would have time to look at them now but I will later as I challenge you to do the same and if they want volunteers, please think about helping them out.

Here are the websites I was talking about:

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/anxiety-disorders


http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/infographic-life-anxiety


http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/31-tips-boost-your-mental-health

1 Corinthians 2:12-3:23 & 4:9-13

1 Corinthians 2:12-3:23English Standard Version (ESV)

12 Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. 13 And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.

14 The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.15 The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. 16 “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.

Divisions in the Church

3 But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. 2 I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, 3 for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? 4 For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not being merely human?

5 What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. 6 I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. 7 So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. 8 He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. 9 For we are God's fellow workers. You are God's field, God's building.

10 According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. 11 For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— 13 each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.

16 Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?17 If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.

¹⁸ Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. ¹⁹ For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their craftiness,” ²⁰ and again, “The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile.” ²¹ So let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, ²² whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, ²³ and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's.

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1 Corinthians 4:9-13 (NIV)

9 For it seems to me that God has put us apostles on display at the end of the procession, like those condemned to die in the arena. We have been made a spectacle to the whole universe, to angels as well as to human beings. 10 We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! 11 To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. 12 We work hard with our own hands.When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; 13 when we are slandered, we answer kindly. We have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world—right up to this moment.

Entrust Your Life

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

    for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
    for to you I entrust my life."- Psalm 143:8

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"Marriage was never meant to make me happy all

the time. Marriage is a decision to honor God by 
honoring the one He entrusted to me."-Lysa Terkeurst

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           Psalm 143:8 was given to me by a friend last month and it has been on my bathroom mirror all of this month. The verse has been my theme verse for this month. I am sure that I saw it from church or somewhere else before that friend gave it to me but either way it is how I need to live my life and I am trying especially this month. It is just so hard to have all of those things and believe all of those things when things are changing and so hard around you. Here is what it means to me right now. 
          The reason it is on my bathroom mirror is so I could reread it each day before I go to work and each night before I go to sleep. It can be stuck in my head and I can take a deep breath and off to work I go. Now this whole verse on the mirror thing, I started in college so it is nothing new to me. Anyways, back to what the verse means to me. I want the morning to bring His (God's) Unfailing Love to me because I want to love on those children and everyone else around me. I don't want to be mean or sassy most of the time. 
           I know the children are watching me so I need to love on them and I do but at times I have to make myself and I don't like that. There are times when I have to force that love because it has been a hard day or things in my life aren't adding up. I mean we all of those days where we want to Love people but things get in the way of that. Then there is that trust part that I always have to keep working on with God. I'm not an easily trust type of person. I am very careful so if I tell you important things or even come up to talk to you or talk back that means that you have passed my trusting level and I do trust you. 
           There are days where I just have to say, "Ok, God I am trusting you with this thing or that thing. I'm trusting you that even though the children are playing they will get something out of it even though we aren't doing crafts or learning today." Then again, with my personal life, there are things I'm so scared to trust God with but it shouldn't be that way. I should let Him have everything but we are all humans so there are days I take back things that I let Him have yesterday or the day before. We just have to keep turning it over to Him everyday and in this verse that is a good reminder. 
           Then the last part really gets me. Show me the way to go, O God for I entrust you with my life. I am not there, of course, but I want every single being in my being to be there someday. I want to make my life count for something. I want to hear Him say at the end of my life, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."  Just to think of it that way, of entrusting your life to God, someone you can't see yet you just have to believe things will turn out good. Someone that you think knows you better then yourself. 
           We are putting God in charge of our life when we say that and letting Him invest in it. That is what the word "entrust" means. God has a special duty for our lives and we are giving Him the go ahead to live it out when we are entrusting Him with our lives. We are giving God the responsibility with out lives. Isn't that even the littlest bit scary? But then it comes down to the next saying I have on here about entrusting your marriage and/or you husband/wife. 
           That saying is saying, "Marriage is not about being happy all the time." It is about being in charge and investing in the one you love. Sometimes that maybe a little rocky and hard to do in a marriage. Yet we have to do it in a way that is honoring to God, which sometimes can make it even a little bit more harder. We have to think about what is best for the other person and not ourselves. We might have to give up something that we like to do just so we can spend more time with our husbands/wives. 
           To put it in another way: "Marriage is meant to make us holy and not happy." Right? Entrust our husband/wife also means to commit to them and/or care for and/or confide in and when you are married the only person you should be confiding or caring for is your other half. If you think about it the word "holy" is kind of the same thing. It means to: devote, be in awe of, have a pure quality, and being dedicated to one person and only one person. 

          Two important words in this entry are entrust and holy. 
                      Entrust-to charge or invest with a trust or responsibility; to commit (something) in trust to; confide, as for care.
                      Holy-having a spiritually pure quality: inspiring fear, awe; dedicated or  devoted.

          There is your lesson on different words and their meanings for the day. Also, there is your memory verse for the next month too.

Were You Ever Scared?

          Were you ever scared? Is a question that I never thought I would get asked but I did by a friend not too long ago. My answer to that question was a big YES! I am the worried and scared person of all.  I do nothing without being scared or worried. That is what drives me to do the things I want to some times. I am so scared or worried that I turn to God and then when I think He has opened the door or gave me a chance I go for it and pray for the best. I would say that everything in my life or any great thing in my life I did when I was scared but that is how God pushes us to the best we can be sometimes. He uses our weaknesses and mine happens to be scared all the time.
         I don't like change at all. It scares me. I was scared to start college especially a college I didn't know anything about or really wanted to go to in the first place but then it turned out the best 5 years of my life. I was scared trying certain clubs in college and doing different events on the grounds but some of those clubs and events are my most memorable. I was even scared to go up to some of the people that I now call great friends and all of that wouldn't have happened if I wasn't scared.
         I was scared to move to AR and now I love it here. I couldn't do it by myself at all so God, by chance, gave my big brother a job down here too because he knew I couldn't do it alone. The first year was hard and I wanted to go back home so many times but I knew I had to stay for a reason and I did. Now I love it and I don't want to leave it. I had to find a new church, which I did and still go to this day and love it to no ends. Took me a while to find a job that I love but I don't regret the ones I have lost because they have taught me things new and old. Now I do love the job I have and it is the best one yet. I'm liking living by myself more and more each year.
         All this doesn't mean that I don't get scared anymore though.  I still don't know what I am suppose to do for the rest of my life. I could and will name a few things that I'm still scared of in my life. Sadly, that scared feeling never stops because you are always getting into a new chapter when you are growing up and even afterwards. You just have to give it all to God and trust Him and believe me I know easier said then done. Right now, I am scared about my finances and my job. How can I love what I do but yet have the money for the life I want to live?
        When you have to look for a new job, you might be scared that it will take forever but what I have learned is that you just need to live in that moment. Sometimes you could be scared of meeting a friend's family or parents but if you believe it is the right thing to do then you just need to do it. You could be scared for a close friend for all these years but then you realize they are doing better then you could ever think of. You could also be scared of buying a "real" house instead of an apartment because of all the work that goes into looking and buying a house but how will you know if you never try to get a house. You might be scared of the new children and their parents coming into your room in a month or the next few months. Might be scared that it isn't prefect for them or that you aren't perfect enough for them.
         You might be so scared of things because they are not fitting together like you want them to at a certain point in your life but that doesn't mean it won't happen down the road. You might be scared that your friend just totally abandoned church but you will find out they didn't, they were just too busy for some time and you should have known better all along. You might be scared because you are going to lose a close family member but you know it is better for them. Might be scared of admitting that there might be something wrong with you mentally but you need to get the help and the encouragement to help you get through it. This being scared, kind of, goes into my mental mind set. I am probably more scared then most people that I know.
          All these things or some of these things could come down on you and when I say some I mean 5 or 6 things at a time and you are just so scared for your life that you are homesick and want to go back to your parents' house for a long while to sort it all out or just get away from it all. I have been there and done that. It isn't a good feeling but yet afterwards you know what you really want and can handle in the moment. Then you give the rest to God and trust Him with your life and all the good and bad things in it. I am even scared when I think about the future ahead of me because I don't have a plan like I use to or thought I use to. I gave the planning up a long time ago and just gave everything to God. Yes, that might scare me but it will be worth it someday because it will be better then I could have ever thought of.
         All this to answer this one little question: Were you ever scared? Yes, I was and still am. I don't think you will get over being scared in life. It might not seem like I am, though, because I know The One who holds tomorrow in His Hands. I have seen one set of footprints where I should have seen two but it was Him who was carrying me through those times. God has a plan for my future and I just have to lean on Him for everything because I know He Loves me and wants what is best for me in the end.

Verses That I Want to Remember

"Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
    you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    surely I have a delightful inheritance.
 I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
    even at night my heart instructs me.
 I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
    my body also will rest secure,
 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
    nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
 You make known to me the path of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand."- Psalm 16:5-11

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"Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation.- 1 Peter 2:2

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 “I have loved you,” says the Lord.

“But you ask, ‘How have you loved us?’

“Was not Esau Jacob’s brother?” declares the Lord. “Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his hill country into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals.”-Malachi 1:2-3

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The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
    slow to anger and rich in love.

9 The Lord is good to all;
    he has compassion on all he has made.
10 All your works praise you, Lord;
    your faithful people extol you.
11 They tell of the glory of your kingdom
    and speak of your might,
12 so that all people may know of your mighty acts
    and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
    and your dominion endures through all generations.

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises
    and faithful in all he does.
14 The Lord upholds all who fall
    and lifts up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to you,
    and you give them their food at the proper time.
16 You open your hand
    and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

17 The Lord is righteous in all his ways
    and faithful in all he does.
18 The Lord is near to all who call on him,
    to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
    he hears their cry and saves them.
20 The Lord watches over all who love him,
    but all the wicked he will destory.

-Psalm 145:8-20


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"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness,holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”- 1 Corinthians 1:26-31