These are just some verses that I found. I was going to write an entry about them but I have had them in my drafts for 2 months. That is why I am just posting them like this. I don't really need to explain every verse that I come across. I just need to have them where I can reach them easily and my blog is a place for that. I will have a lot more entries like this one in the weeks to come because I have maybe 5 or more in my drafts waiting to get published.
Verses 3-8:
"For I envied the proud
when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.
4 They seem to live such painless lives;
their bodies are so healthy and strong.
5 They don’t have troubles like other people;
they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.
6 They wear pride like a jeweled necklace
and clothe themselves with cruelty.
7 These fat cats have everything
their hearts could ever wish for!
8 They scoff and speak only evil;
in their pride they seek to crush others."-NTL
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Verses 16-17:
"Still, when I tried to figure it out,
all I got was a splitting headache . . .
Until I entered the sanctuary of God.
Then I saw the whole picture:
The slippery road you’ve put them on,
with a final crash in a ditch of delusions.
In the blink of an eye, disaster!
A blind curve in the dark, and—nightmare!"-The Message
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Verses 21-26:
"Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.
22 I was so foolish and ignorant—
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
23 Yet I still belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever."-NLT
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Monday, October 30, 2017
Sunday, October 29, 2017
A Promise From God
Proverbs 29:25English Standard Version (ESV)
25 The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
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Proverbs 29:25New International Version (NIV)
25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This verse means a lot to me in whatever version you want to take it in. It is the theme of what I have been praying for a lot of people lately. A friend had it in an email that they sent out and it just hit the right spot for me when praying. There are times that I pray that certain people whether family or friends are safe in the Lord. When I say safe, I could mean traveling, health, their attitude, their heart, and much more. I usually end my prayers with "Please keep ____________ safe" and sometimes if I know they are traveling or more exactly what they are doing I add that on to the end.
There was one night that I prayed this verse and that was all that the prayer was about or I should say mostly about. Then I said to the Lord, "When I say, Please keep ___________ safe, this is the verse that I want it to mean". It is also one of God's important promises to us and that is what I love about this verse. The last thing after the word "but" is a promise to all believers. It is a promise that "whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe". That is all you have to do. Trust. Yeah, it is one word but it is harder then that. The verse give a problem that is in the world and then it gives the solution/promise to that problem afterwards.
Snare means this:
"to catch or involve by trickery or wile".
That means the first part of the verse is scary in a way because other man will try to get us involved in something we shouldn't be involved with or trick us into getting involved. Why do we usually get involved in something of this world because we are fearful of men and not in a good way? We do it because we are scared. We do it because we don't trust that the Lord can do it better. Yet the verse says that if we trust in Him, He will keep us safe. It didn't say that it will be better or the best but it is a way for God to keep us safe. Isn't being safe better then anything else in the world? Especially when it is under God's supervision?
I think this would be a good verse to teach our children at a young age and if not them, then especially teenagers because that is when man will try to get into their minds and test things epsically the dangerous things. Can't you see that in today's world. The magazines, the protests, the haters, the music and TV shows even. They are all telling teenagers about the scary things and that it is okay to do them when it isn't. They make the scary things look good when they are not. They don't show the bad sides of the good things because they won't make the sale or they won't get to be the biggest brand out there and so on.
Fear of man won't keep you safe like the world says it will. Only the trust that you have in God will keep you safe. That is a promise from God that you can count on for the good and for enterity.
Saturday, October 28, 2017
Gem for God
The title might be strange and make you think that this is a boring entry but I'm going to try to make it interesting and deep learning one. I came up with wanting to write an entry about rocks because rocks are God's creation and I am also going to write about a memory that I had. I know the memory might not be big right now but one day it will be. I got the idea for an entry while I was looking and rocks and gems at a rock show in Springfield one weekend. It was just my parents and me, which was special in itself. My dad has a thing for rocks or at least he did in college. He wanted to be a person who studied rocks at first but then changed his career later on.
Now to be honest, I don't know how many of the rocks at the show were truly found by the people selling them because some people did tell us that they brought some rocks from museums and then resold them at shows like the ones I was at. I couldn't help but thinking about these rocks and how they really were before and after. I couldn't help think either how much work it must take to make a gem out of the rocks. I thought I would like to do it but yet I don't want to do all the work that it would take to turn then into gems. It would be rewarding and all but yet all that climbing and digging would get to me really fast.
As I was looking at all the different rocks and gems, I couldn't help but keep thinking how amazing God's Creation really is. I mean you take a rock that looks like nothing and then tumble it in a big metal thing and out it comes shining and almost looking brand new. Every rock is a surprise and unique in its own way so you would never know how it will turn out. Sometimes the prettiest gem is the most ugly looking rock or hard to find rock. The show really opened up my eyes to what God can do and what He does in a way. As Christians, we keep saying look at how many different flowers and birds and bugs God can make and care about but yet it is the same with rocks. Yet we never think that way.
There are thousands of colors and shapes of rocks out there in the world. It just goes to show that Creation was not just made but designed by God and that He is in control of it too. You might think I am crazy for this next part but it is true and a lot of people compare the human race with lots of things but never with rocks. We are just like rocks. We are all unique in our own way. Some are sharp. Some are sparkly. Some are dull. Some are smooth. Just like putting the rocks in the tumbler, God works on us the same way. He is pulling and tumbling those bad spots and things out of us to make us unique. He does that, also, to make us shine for Him. I know it is a funny way to look at it but it is true and that is what I was thinking during the show.
We are each a rock that is being turned into a gem by God. We could think of it has a diamond, moonstone, garnet, rose quartz, turquoise, amethyst, and so on. They all have different shininess to them at different times. Sometimes you even hear how the rives and other bodies of water shape them too because they have been tossed around by the waves and the currents. Yet some gems you can see the beauty of them until they are under a light or wet with water. They each of their own way of showing their beauty to others. Just like people have their own talents and looks to by used by God. It was also hard to chose which ones I wanted to buy for myself and/or a friend. There were just too many that I couldn't pick one so I picked a bag full of different rocks. It was grab bag though so I didn't know what kind of rocks were in there.
That is like picking friends at times. You don't know what they are like until they really open up to you. Yet they might not be what you thought they were or hope that they were, they were still beautiful in their own way. Like in my bag, I was hoping to get more of gem like rocks but I got more of the natural colored looking rocks that were just shiny but not see through. When I say natural I mean more of the red, brown, black type rocks just looked like they have been polished. They were still pretty, though, just not what I thought they would be. I think I could make at least 3 rock necklaces out of that rock bag. They were that pretty and unique.
All this to say that: "Don't judge a rock or person by what is on the outside because you never know what is on the inside and how hard it was for them to get where they are today."
Now to be honest, I don't know how many of the rocks at the show were truly found by the people selling them because some people did tell us that they brought some rocks from museums and then resold them at shows like the ones I was at. I couldn't help but thinking about these rocks and how they really were before and after. I couldn't help think either how much work it must take to make a gem out of the rocks. I thought I would like to do it but yet I don't want to do all the work that it would take to turn then into gems. It would be rewarding and all but yet all that climbing and digging would get to me really fast.
As I was looking at all the different rocks and gems, I couldn't help but keep thinking how amazing God's Creation really is. I mean you take a rock that looks like nothing and then tumble it in a big metal thing and out it comes shining and almost looking brand new. Every rock is a surprise and unique in its own way so you would never know how it will turn out. Sometimes the prettiest gem is the most ugly looking rock or hard to find rock. The show really opened up my eyes to what God can do and what He does in a way. As Christians, we keep saying look at how many different flowers and birds and bugs God can make and care about but yet it is the same with rocks. Yet we never think that way.
There are thousands of colors and shapes of rocks out there in the world. It just goes to show that Creation was not just made but designed by God and that He is in control of it too. You might think I am crazy for this next part but it is true and a lot of people compare the human race with lots of things but never with rocks. We are just like rocks. We are all unique in our own way. Some are sharp. Some are sparkly. Some are dull. Some are smooth. Just like putting the rocks in the tumbler, God works on us the same way. He is pulling and tumbling those bad spots and things out of us to make us unique. He does that, also, to make us shine for Him. I know it is a funny way to look at it but it is true and that is what I was thinking during the show.
We are each a rock that is being turned into a gem by God. We could think of it has a diamond, moonstone, garnet, rose quartz, turquoise, amethyst, and so on. They all have different shininess to them at different times. Sometimes you even hear how the rives and other bodies of water shape them too because they have been tossed around by the waves and the currents. Yet some gems you can see the beauty of them until they are under a light or wet with water. They each of their own way of showing their beauty to others. Just like people have their own talents and looks to by used by God. It was also hard to chose which ones I wanted to buy for myself and/or a friend. There were just too many that I couldn't pick one so I picked a bag full of different rocks. It was grab bag though so I didn't know what kind of rocks were in there.
That is like picking friends at times. You don't know what they are like until they really open up to you. Yet they might not be what you thought they were or hope that they were, they were still beautiful in their own way. Like in my bag, I was hoping to get more of gem like rocks but I got more of the natural colored looking rocks that were just shiny but not see through. When I say natural I mean more of the red, brown, black type rocks just looked like they have been polished. They were still pretty, though, just not what I thought they would be. I think I could make at least 3 rock necklaces out of that rock bag. They were that pretty and unique.
All this to say that: "Don't judge a rock or person by what is on the outside because you never know what is on the inside and how hard it was for them to get where they are today."
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Friendship with God-Part 2
Birthmarks of Love
-1 John 3:10-ESV
- "10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother."
-God is Love.
-Love is the fruit of salvation.
-1 John 3:11, 14- ESV
-"11 For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another."
-"14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death."
-Fresh command-Love one another with a fresh love. Share His Love.
-1 John 3:1-2
-"3 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears[a] we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is."
-SEE
-"The Love of God is causeless, measureless, ceaseless."-Kenneth Boa
-"Pride always goes over God."
-Seeking the good of others regardless of cost.
-1 John 3:17-18
-"17 But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
-Shows in generosity.
-1 John 3:14b-15
-"14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."
-Failing to Love
-Reality of Hate
-Return to assurance
-1 John 3:19-20
-"19 By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him;20 for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything."
-Growing in Love
-Obeying
-Abiding
-1 John 3:23-24
-"23 And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. 24 Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us."
-So mad at this season? Am I really or is there a little madness still left in me? Can I love people more for God and all they do? How can I show people without seeming freaky to them?
-1 John 3:10-ESV
- "10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother."
-God is Love.
-Love is the fruit of salvation.
-1 John 3:11, 14- ESV
-"11 For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another."
-"14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death."
-Fresh command-Love one another with a fresh love. Share His Love.
-1 John 3:1-2
-"3 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears[a] we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is."
-SEE
-"The Love of God is causeless, measureless, ceaseless."-Kenneth Boa
-"Pride always goes over God."
-Seeking the good of others regardless of cost.
-1 John 3:17-18
-"17 But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
-Shows in generosity.
-1 John 3:14b-15
-"14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. 15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."
-Failing to Love
-Reality of Hate
-Return to assurance
-1 John 3:19-20
-"19 By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him;20 for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything."
-Growing in Love
-Obeying
-Abiding
-1 John 3:23-24
-"23 And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. 24 Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us."
-So mad at this season? Am I really or is there a little madness still left in me? Can I love people more for God and all they do? How can I show people without seeming freaky to them?
Saturday, October 21, 2017
Half of my Heart
I can't believe how many "likes" and "looks" I got on my last entry after I didn't write in awhile. It had been about 3 weeks since I won't last. There were 30 "likes" last night after I got home and looked at it last night. I need to take about that much of a break every now and then, I guess. This entry is going to be about what one of my little girls said this past week and what it meant to me. It really did hit me hard.
"Half of my heart loves her, and half of my heart is sad. But I'm on the love side."-Said by one of my little girls
I just can't stop thinking about this saying. One of my little girls said it to me on Thursday at work and it has been on my mind ever since. She was having a fight with one of her girlfriends and was really upset and crying when she said it. I talked to her about what was going on and how she coulee handle it. After she felt a little better, she went onto play and I just laughed and thought it only gets harder from here on out. Not only with friends either. I thought about my friends and how I really felt about them. Then I thought it was the perfect way to explain I have been feeling and am feeling right now. This saying even went along with the message tonight at church.
It was about love so that will be in the next one or two entries. Anyways, got off track. I couldn't explain how I was feeling in the past months but this quote really summed it up for me. I might even write a poem one of these days with the same title. This is what this quote means to me:
Half of my heart loves my friends, and the other half of my heart is sad for reasons that I can't explain. Yet I am on the love side. I want to love my friends for who they are, not who I want them to be. I want my friends to be them and have fun. I love it when my little girl said that she was on the love side. That got me thinking that we should all want that for ourselves and everyone we come in contact with. The would would be a better place if we were all on that side.
That quote could also be taken another way and maybe a little deeper or maybe it is the same way, I am just wording it differently here. The love half of the heart could mean that I love my friends for who they really are. The sad half of my heart could mean that I am sad and disappointed about the actions that they are doing. I could not be liking those. It is like the actions that the little girl's friend was doing. That little girl loved her friend and was on that side but she was sad because her friend was being bossy and mean to her. Her friend was telling her how to play the game that they were playing and making her "it" every time they would play it when she didn't want to be it in the first place.
It goes to show that listening to our friends starts at a young age. The girl that thought she was in charge was not listening to her other friend. She was doing what she wanted and only wanted. We need to take the time to listen to people and show that we care for them. We need to watch out for our friends. We need to be on the Love Side at least and if not that then we need to Love with our whole heart. We need to love our friends and listen to them. That is what I am trying to get across in this entry. We need to love with all our heart, not just half of it.
"Half of my heart loves her, and half of my heart is sad. But I'm on the love side."-Said by one of my little girls
I just can't stop thinking about this saying. One of my little girls said it to me on Thursday at work and it has been on my mind ever since. She was having a fight with one of her girlfriends and was really upset and crying when she said it. I talked to her about what was going on and how she coulee handle it. After she felt a little better, she went onto play and I just laughed and thought it only gets harder from here on out. Not only with friends either. I thought about my friends and how I really felt about them. Then I thought it was the perfect way to explain I have been feeling and am feeling right now. This saying even went along with the message tonight at church.
It was about love so that will be in the next one or two entries. Anyways, got off track. I couldn't explain how I was feeling in the past months but this quote really summed it up for me. I might even write a poem one of these days with the same title. This is what this quote means to me:
Half of my heart loves my friends, and the other half of my heart is sad for reasons that I can't explain. Yet I am on the love side. I want to love my friends for who they are, not who I want them to be. I want my friends to be them and have fun. I love it when my little girl said that she was on the love side. That got me thinking that we should all want that for ourselves and everyone we come in contact with. The would would be a better place if we were all on that side.
That quote could also be taken another way and maybe a little deeper or maybe it is the same way, I am just wording it differently here. The love half of the heart could mean that I love my friends for who they really are. The sad half of my heart could mean that I am sad and disappointed about the actions that they are doing. I could not be liking those. It is like the actions that the little girl's friend was doing. That little girl loved her friend and was on that side but she was sad because her friend was being bossy and mean to her. Her friend was telling her how to play the game that they were playing and making her "it" every time they would play it when she didn't want to be it in the first place.
It goes to show that listening to our friends starts at a young age. The girl that thought she was in charge was not listening to her other friend. She was doing what she wanted and only wanted. We need to take the time to listen to people and show that we care for them. We need to watch out for our friends. We need to be on the Love Side at least and if not that then we need to Love with our whole heart. We need to love our friends and listen to them. That is what I am trying to get across in this entry. We need to love with all our heart, not just half of it.
Friday, October 20, 2017
Subbing for 12 Weeks
Well, things are turning around for me. They are turning around so much that I am getting paid a little bit more. I might be on here a little less too. I'm working full days now at two different jobs. Mornings at a daycare at a high school for 12 weeks and still my after school job. The subbing job is really an answer to prayer. I might be able to get caught up in my bills with it, then have money just to spend again. How nice would that be!
It is subbing for 12 weeks because the teacher is on leave to be with her new baby. I've already been a sub two times at that daycare but now it is part time. They were testing me. ☺️ It will be hard at first because my schedule will change but I know it will change back so that's the good part. I just need the energy for 12 weeks.
Subbing for toddlers to be right on. It seems like I will be a floater for most of the time I am subbing there. I was suppose to be in just one room but you know how things never stay the same in daycares. It is okay. I can't complain at all. It is just neat how God has given me this chance to make extra money. Just another reason that I love about where I am working. They really do work around your schedule because there are so many things inside one "company" or I guess better words for it are "school districts". That is one good thing about big school district but I would never want to go to one as a kid. I liked my small town school just fine.
It is subbing for 12 weeks because the teacher is on leave to be with her new baby. I've already been a sub two times at that daycare but now it is part time. They were testing me. ☺️ It will be hard at first because my schedule will change but I know it will change back so that's the good part. I just need the energy for 12 weeks.
Subbing for toddlers to be right on. It seems like I will be a floater for most of the time I am subbing there. I was suppose to be in just one room but you know how things never stay the same in daycares. It is okay. I can't complain at all. It is just neat how God has given me this chance to make extra money. Just another reason that I love about where I am working. They really do work around your schedule because there are so many things inside one "company" or I guess better words for it are "school districts". That is one good thing about big school district but I would never want to go to one as a kid. I liked my small town school just fine.
Yet as an adult, there are so many choices and once you got a job in that area, you can get another one in another area. That is what I am learning right now. It is strange that it is a school and yet they will work around your schedule and times. I know a lot of the teachers that go to college still and they are working after school too. Anyways, I can't wait to drive into these 12 weeks of subbing. I was late yesterday because I had the times mixed up and things weren't quite set in stone but now they are so I can't wait to see what a day for me is like now. I will admit though that already it is really nice getting up later then I am use to.
I just can't get over how this extra job has been an answer to prayer. I look at it and keep looking at it and just can't wait for my first paycheck with this job on it to see how much more difference it will really make for me. I will write an entry when it is over and tell you all where I am at and if anything changes for me, which hopefully they will. I will also tell you what kind of adventure it has been subbing for only 12 weeks. It is strange with the experience that I have had that I can do this. Go anywhere that I am needed but that is one way that the Lord has blessed me in this field. I have worked with all ages and types. When you have co-workers and bosses that see that, you are truly blessed and it makes your job a whole lot easier.
I am blessed that they picked me even if I was the only one that wanted the subbing, which I probably wasn't. It just goes to show that my handwork is paying off so I am not wasting my time in this field like I thought I was earlier on in my life. God always has ways of working things out in His Perfect Timing, not just with jobs, that I now see, but with friendships and relationships too. I am just waiting for the next thing/step now.
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Big Lift Off My Shoulders
I know this is a first in a long while. I have written 3 days in a row. I have my spurts here and there of doing different things. This one is free so I am doing more of it to make my time go by faster. I want to talk about how my day went yesterday back at my other school. Might notice by the title that it went good and felt great? It did!
I felt things being lifted off my shoulders as soon as I hit the school's driveway. I mean it litually felt like someone was lifting all of that weight off of me. The weight I was carrying for the past two months. In a strange way, it felt like my soul finally got a chance to rest, yet my physical body didn't but that was okay. It is strange how you think something is so little and can't bother you, actually does but you don't notice it until it's gone.
God knew what was best for me here for now and He did answer my prayers. I just hate how I can't handle certain things even when they're not related. Just the thought of those thing being related brings me stress. Brings me blame and shame. Realizing how I felt yesterday, the move was more for me personal then anything else.
The thing I noticed that I missed from my first school was the hugs. Now that I think about it, I would maybe get one hug twice a week from the same child at my second school. When I went back yesterday, all the kids that I had last year came up to me and hugged me. All the girls anyways. Even the ones I just saw last year and weren't in my group were happy to see me again. I even had a couple of the parents, on the 2nd day, tell me that they haven't seen me in awhile or that they are glad I am back. I got comments from at least 2 or 3 parents. It was a total change of environment!
The school is bigger. The teachers are nicer. The parents talk more and are nicer. They also came in everyday with a smile no matter how their day went. I had one set of parents that did that at the other school that I left. That same set of parents also would start talking to me if I didn't say anything first or at least the dad would.
The school I work at now might be one of the richer schools but it is also one of the nicest in my book. You can tell parents have more control of their children at that school. I thought last year I can't wait to compare schools. Here I am comparing school earlier then I thought I would be. Just never thought my personal life and feelings would be involved. Big step of learning for me. It is amazing how two school can be so different only miles apart. When I say miles, I mean maybe 6 1/2 miles apart. It also shows you how different families and people can be too. That is one reason I am not a big fan of the city. I like where everyone acts the same and in a friendlier type manner.
I don't know if this says how I feel like something has been lifted off my shoulders but something has. It is really the parents and the homes these children grow up in and as a nation we are letting our children down so bad. I will say that the set of parents and child that stood out in my group, and I might be a little bias but it is true too, was those who I knew had a strong Christian, God believing background and showed their children how to live in that way too. It was that family that I got along with the best and that girl that made my day everyday. She was the reason I kept going every day, even when I wanted to stop and believe me there are days that I did want to do that.
Now, I am at a place that I enjoy and with children that I can have fun with instead of getting onto them all the time or so it seems. I'm at a place that I enjoy each and every co-workers and get along with each of them great. Where each of them digs in to get the job done. I'm now at a place where I can rest and enjoy myself instead of telling others what to do or do it so it will, for sure, get done. I can't ask for a better place to be once again or better people to be with.
I felt things being lifted off my shoulders as soon as I hit the school's driveway. I mean it litually felt like someone was lifting all of that weight off of me. The weight I was carrying for the past two months. In a strange way, it felt like my soul finally got a chance to rest, yet my physical body didn't but that was okay. It is strange how you think something is so little and can't bother you, actually does but you don't notice it until it's gone.
God knew what was best for me here for now and He did answer my prayers. I just hate how I can't handle certain things even when they're not related. Just the thought of those thing being related brings me stress. Brings me blame and shame. Realizing how I felt yesterday, the move was more for me personal then anything else.
The thing I noticed that I missed from my first school was the hugs. Now that I think about it, I would maybe get one hug twice a week from the same child at my second school. When I went back yesterday, all the kids that I had last year came up to me and hugged me. All the girls anyways. Even the ones I just saw last year and weren't in my group were happy to see me again. I even had a couple of the parents, on the 2nd day, tell me that they haven't seen me in awhile or that they are glad I am back. I got comments from at least 2 or 3 parents. It was a total change of environment!
The school is bigger. The teachers are nicer. The parents talk more and are nicer. They also came in everyday with a smile no matter how their day went. I had one set of parents that did that at the other school that I left. That same set of parents also would start talking to me if I didn't say anything first or at least the dad would.
The school I work at now might be one of the richer schools but it is also one of the nicest in my book. You can tell parents have more control of their children at that school. I thought last year I can't wait to compare schools. Here I am comparing school earlier then I thought I would be. Just never thought my personal life and feelings would be involved. Big step of learning for me. It is amazing how two school can be so different only miles apart. When I say miles, I mean maybe 6 1/2 miles apart. It also shows you how different families and people can be too. That is one reason I am not a big fan of the city. I like where everyone acts the same and in a friendlier type manner.
I don't know if this says how I feel like something has been lifted off my shoulders but something has. It is really the parents and the homes these children grow up in and as a nation we are letting our children down so bad. I will say that the set of parents and child that stood out in my group, and I might be a little bias but it is true too, was those who I knew had a strong Christian, God believing background and showed their children how to live in that way too. It was that family that I got along with the best and that girl that made my day everyday. She was the reason I kept going every day, even when I wanted to stop and believe me there are days that I did want to do that.
Now, I am at a place that I enjoy and with children that I can have fun with instead of getting onto them all the time or so it seems. I'm at a place that I enjoy each and every co-workers and get along with each of them great. Where each of them digs in to get the job done. I'm now at a place where I can rest and enjoy myself instead of telling others what to do or do it so it will, for sure, get done. I can't ask for a better place to be once again or better people to be with.
Monday, October 9, 2017
Friendship With God-Part 1
-Acts 4:13
-"13 When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus."
-Truth, Light, Love
-(AKA)-Right Thinking
-Right affections
-Right Living
-Those are the 3 cyclical themes of the book of 1st John.
-1 John 1:1-2New International Version (NIV)
-1 John 1:3-4
-"3 We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. 4 We write this to make our joy complete."
-deeper and meaningful life in Christ
-Fellowship=Friendship
-Friendship with God:
-knowing the word of Life
-walking in the Light
-Lie #1-Lip Service
-It's all good!
-verse 6
-"If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth."
-Lie #2-Perfectionism
-I'm good!
-verse 8
-"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us."
-Lie #3-Denial of Sin
-Everyone's good.
-verse 10
-" If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us."
-Truth=progress
-He makes me good. Through Him I'm becoming good.
-verses 7 and 9
-"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
-" If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
-Standing in the Light
-all about the closest and closeness
-GET RID OF FEAR!
-"13 When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus."
-Truth, Light, Love
-(AKA)-Right Thinking
-Right affections
-Right Living
-Those are the 3 cyclical themes of the book of 1st John.
-1 John 1:1-2New International Version (NIV)
-The Incarnation of the Word of Life
"1 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. 2 The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us."
-1 John 1:3-4
-"3 We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. 4 We write this to make our joy complete."
-deeper and meaningful life in Christ
-Fellowship=Friendship
-Friendship with God:
-knowing the word of Life
-walking in the Light
-Lie #1-Lip Service
-It's all good!
-verse 6
-"If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth."
-Lie #2-Perfectionism
-I'm good!
-verse 8
-"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us."
-Lie #3-Denial of Sin
-Everyone's good.
-verse 10
-" If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us."
-Truth=progress
-He makes me good. Through Him I'm becoming good.
-verses 7 and 9
-"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
-" If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
-Standing in the Light
-all about the closest and closeness
-GET RID OF FEAR!
Sunday, October 8, 2017
A Family As A Blessing
Ecclesiastes 3:11New International Version (NIV)
11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
There is this one family that continues to be a blessing to me but I noticed in the past few days that it has and goes deeper then just a blessing. I needed them, probably more then they needed me. The little girl that I had was such a blessing to me and I saw so much in her. To tell you the truth, she reminded me a lot of me when I was in 2nd grade. The only different thing about her was she was a little bit more outgoing then I probably ever was. There was just that special connection with her when I first saw her. I knew something had to be special about her and there was.
First, I thought it was just because I knew part of the family already but as the days went on and I got to know her more, she just kept getting more special to me and like I understood her more then ever each and every day. It was funny because this past week God has put Ecclesiastes 3:11 on my heart and I felt like I needed to share it with her. Like she needed that verse for some reason but now that I think about I needed it as a reminder too. I couldn't quite understand why God was doing what He was doing with this family but now I sort of get it, just a little bit. God was showing me that connection with Him is important. He was showing me that to love Him and be connected to Him was to get to know Him more and be closer to Him.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 talks about how God makes everything beautiful in its times. How God set set forever in our human's hearts. No one can fathom what God has planned from beginning to end. I need it just as much as she does or maybe more in my life right now. One reason that God put her in my life was to see how much people can act like and know others by being connected long enough. No doubt in my mind that she was a true part of that family. Her looks and her personality had it written all over them. That's how I want to be with You, Daddy. You make things beautiful in Your Time. I just can't give up. Daddy, I want to start abiding in You like a daughter.
Here is a little girl that I can see strong in her own ways and I can tell that in 2nd grade. So strong that she might forget where to look when she gets older. She has had a hard time going between friends and groups of friends. There is this poplar group and then not so poplar group. I can see how she changes herself to try and fit in with some of the other girls. All of that just reminded me of this verse and made me think it was the perfect one for her. It was so cute too! My last day at that school I told her that I had a bottle for her and that there was a special message for her in there. She asked, "Special message just for me?" and I said, "Yes." I told her that I wanted her mom or dad to read it to her because it was so special. She made her mom, since she picked her up, read it right then and there. She was so excited about that special message.
She was just bugging her mom to read it right then. It was a little awkward for me but you think I would be use to that stuff by now. She just couldn't believe that I had a special message just for her. I hope she remembers that day and this verse. I hope that I made an impact in that little girl's life somehow. It is funny because when we are so connected and see people connected to the same people that we are, we want to do right and we hope for the best for them. We can see that certain trait or look in someone and tell what family or person they are related to. Isn't that what people should see in us when we are close to God? Isn't that what our lives should look like when we are near to God and connected with Him? I know I can't change that little girl and I might not ever know if I did, although I hope to be in her life again one day, but I also know that God is with her at the same time.
This situation was just another one of God's plans to make me see that things don't happen like we plan them to happen. Things can turn out differently then we ever think of them. That doesn't mean they are wrong, just means God had a better plan along. I don't know what will become of this plan or if things will get better like in my thoughts but one thing I know for sure is that a girl's life was changed because of the connection I made so long ago and had for so long and didn't step away from when everyone else told me to. That is how a family can be a blessing to you if you will just let them. God uses new people in other peoples' lives everyday.
Saturday, October 7, 2017
What is Loneliness Like for Me?
I don't know what to write about for once. It is so funny because I have so many ideas here on my blog. So many verses, so many poem ideas, so many things to write about but yet I don't feel like writing about those things just yet. I feel like writing about what I don't know. My life. That I don't even know what to write about or quite understand it at this point. I am just so confused about it. I am trying to hear from God and yet I don't have the energy or understanding to know what He is doing right now in my life. The closer it gets to my 30th birthday, the more stress it seems to bring on me. The more things I need to seem to understand about life and all the new things I am learning right now too. I haven't quite felt like I have been on this earth in the past few months. They have gone by so fast it seems and things are happening just like that. I have wrote some entries about things that have gone on.
To be honest, I have been focusing a lot of my time on trying to understand what true love is and about where I should go on from here and I think that is just all part of hitting my 30s. Finding a husband that loves you for you and having a set in career that you love to do and being able to support yourself and then your future family is just hard to wrap my mind around right now. I know I don't need to and can't figure everything out right now but it is just want I have been thinking about lately. As I am writing this entry, I know there is so much more I need to write and explain but I just can't put those things into words. It isn't easy at all yet it is for sure a season that I am trying to get through and I can't tell you that is changing me quite a bit.
I have noticed that going back home to MO feels better then living here in AR. I am happier and less stress there then in AR. Living paycheck to paycheck is killing me, no matter how hard I try to stay up with it. I always fail and that is not a good feeling to have all the time. I have to ask my parents for money and being the stubborn and want to be self sufficient person I am, I hate doing that too but if I don't my bank account will be so bad that I won't get a house of my own like I want. It seems like my bank account and money as became my main focus and I hate that. I feel like I am checking my account every day and if not that every other day, just to make sure I don't have withdraws that I can't afford and most of the time I don't miss those.
I just wish this season would be over for me. The season of living by myself and supporting myself. The season of the what ifs and the unsures. The season of where I have to watch everything very closely. The season of where I can't hang with friends or go out and do anything fun because I don't have the money to do that. The season of loneliness. That is what it really is like. No one ever told me that my 30s are going to be filled with loneliness. I mean if this is how my life is now, then you know that is how my 30s will start and that is no fun at all. I am at that point where I have no idea what is next for me in my life. I mean I have hit rock bottom in everything. What guy? What person? Would want a women like me that can barely stand above her measures?
Some people might say this entry sounds depressed or anxious and I might be some of those things but that's not what I am trying to get across. What I want to know is this: How many 30 year olds that are alone feel this way too? I know I can't be the only one that feels this way. This entry is just an almost 30 years old (in 3 months) sharing her true feelings. This life by now is totally opposite of what I wanted it to be or ever dreamed of it to be but maybe yet God is trying to tell me something. Maybe He is trying to show me what it really means to be "second" or a "servant" first and then get the things you want? Maybe He is saving the best for last? I don't know why He would do this just yet but I trust and believe that He will show me down the road.
It is funny I am feeling this way because just this past week on Bible study lesson was on loneliness and now this coming week's lesson will be on striving. So in God's words and the opposite of those words: Connection and Rest. Yet the question still comes up in my mind: How is that suppose to help me?
I think I am going to end this entry with that question because it seems like a good place to stop and make you all think about it.
To be honest, I have been focusing a lot of my time on trying to understand what true love is and about where I should go on from here and I think that is just all part of hitting my 30s. Finding a husband that loves you for you and having a set in career that you love to do and being able to support yourself and then your future family is just hard to wrap my mind around right now. I know I don't need to and can't figure everything out right now but it is just want I have been thinking about lately. As I am writing this entry, I know there is so much more I need to write and explain but I just can't put those things into words. It isn't easy at all yet it is for sure a season that I am trying to get through and I can't tell you that is changing me quite a bit.
I have noticed that going back home to MO feels better then living here in AR. I am happier and less stress there then in AR. Living paycheck to paycheck is killing me, no matter how hard I try to stay up with it. I always fail and that is not a good feeling to have all the time. I have to ask my parents for money and being the stubborn and want to be self sufficient person I am, I hate doing that too but if I don't my bank account will be so bad that I won't get a house of my own like I want. It seems like my bank account and money as became my main focus and I hate that. I feel like I am checking my account every day and if not that every other day, just to make sure I don't have withdraws that I can't afford and most of the time I don't miss those.
I just wish this season would be over for me. The season of living by myself and supporting myself. The season of the what ifs and the unsures. The season of where I have to watch everything very closely. The season of where I can't hang with friends or go out and do anything fun because I don't have the money to do that. The season of loneliness. That is what it really is like. No one ever told me that my 30s are going to be filled with loneliness. I mean if this is how my life is now, then you know that is how my 30s will start and that is no fun at all. I am at that point where I have no idea what is next for me in my life. I mean I have hit rock bottom in everything. What guy? What person? Would want a women like me that can barely stand above her measures?
Some people might say this entry sounds depressed or anxious and I might be some of those things but that's not what I am trying to get across. What I want to know is this: How many 30 year olds that are alone feel this way too? I know I can't be the only one that feels this way. This entry is just an almost 30 years old (in 3 months) sharing her true feelings. This life by now is totally opposite of what I wanted it to be or ever dreamed of it to be but maybe yet God is trying to tell me something. Maybe He is trying to show me what it really means to be "second" or a "servant" first and then get the things you want? Maybe He is saving the best for last? I don't know why He would do this just yet but I trust and believe that He will show me down the road.
It is funny I am feeling this way because just this past week on Bible study lesson was on loneliness and now this coming week's lesson will be on striving. So in God's words and the opposite of those words: Connection and Rest. Yet the question still comes up in my mind: How is that suppose to help me?
I think I am going to end this entry with that question because it seems like a good place to stop and make you all think about it.
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