Christmas 2020

         I actually wrote this entery down in a notebook about a week ago but I. Just now getting the chance to write it here. I was so down in the dumps this December because of everything going on but after writing this out (aka my feelings), I felt better and wanted to do a lot more things like wrap more presents and bake a lot. It was like once I let things leave my shoulders, I could feel Christmasy again. That's a feeling that should never leave me. Anyways, here is what I wrote in my notebook:

               It is a very strange Christmas/December for me. The strangest thing is I don't feel like I should this time of year. Doesn't feel right to me. Now since I can remember, Christmas has been my favorite holiday and still is. I call myself the Christmas baby but that has another story behind it. I love shopping, giving gifts, sending cards, family and friends, and teaching Christmas to my kids. I went into this December with all kinds of plans for family and class but none of them are happening right. I try to dress up for my kids but that's hard when they aren't crazy or even know about Christmas. I got one child out of 7 that gets excited about what I do and wear. No presents from the parents. I know that's not important but still would be nice. At least a card. Is that too much to ask? Two weeks out for COVID. A snow day right before. I really didn't make a list of what I wanted either. Didn't have time to think about that. 

             We have got Christmas all wrong. It's not about the things or what we do. I see that now. I haven't even got to see so many lights. Don't have the want. Seeing it at age almost 33. I see how right the Grinch was. I see how the 1st Christmas was for Mary and Joseph. It's kind of hard to explain but it's different. It's not About the gifts but the feelings you have around that time or should have. Not having has many kids in the class or has many family members coming back home. Not wanting to shop and look around because of the masks. No time to think. You know so many lives were lost this year and so many in the hospital for so many things. Always on edge because of the sickness. Just day to day living not any planning. New job for me. Not knowing what to plan or can't. 

               Yet one this stays the same through it all. JESUS!!!!!!!!!!! He is still coming and had came! He was born to take this all away. That Christmas star was God's Promise to us that everything is in His Hands still and will turn out for His Good. Nothing is more perfect for Jesus then this year to show us a miracle after it all. Kind of makes you wonder what does He have up His sleeve. 

               There you wonder why my December doesn't feel Christmasy. All this was on my heart and mind. Hopefully, it will be a little better now that I got it out and down on paper. Thanks for listening and I hope your Christmas is one to remember even during the hard times.