That's when I started thinking about things happening I guess and I just started to cry. Yes, its good to cry every once in awhile especially when meds are holding you back but it is still strange. You cry and you don't know why. You are all worked up and you don't know why. I guess what's going on in today's world is really upsetting. Maybe I am happy that I found a way to work through this tough time in history. Yes, I am hearing and seeing all the things going on but yet I am not overthinking them because I am on anxiety meds.
Yes, they are bad and wrong and touching home for me in some ways. I know that but if I was without then I know i would be crying non stop this past year. I would have been feeling miserable and cried at every little thing good or bad. To be honest, I wanted to cry this past weekend when I got to see almost everyone at home because it has been forever but I didn't. I really wanted to cry while hugging my nieces but I held back.
Then so many changes back and forth this year too which I could never stand. Not very many people say this but I know that this past year would have been a mess for me if I didn't know how to control my anxiety. Plus I have people that I can talk to about those things that are bothering me too and that I don't understand and that helped big time too. Yet again I was not overthinking and not scared to ask those questions to get those answers. I wasn't scared to share my thoughts because of how I controlled my anxiety.
I can say that this past year really tested me and my anxiety but thank goodness I knew how to control it and what I needed before things got really bad in the world. Thank goodness that I said yes to meds years ago! Now I don't regret taking them because I see that as a person I need them and God made me that way for a reason. I see that the meds really do help a person even when people don't think they do. People with anxiety really have a mental problem that no one really understands just yet and I see that in myself because of this past year. There were a lot of changes and history made in the past years but I didn't freak out or overthink those things because I knew how to control my problem.
Sometimes we just have to go with the flow and other times we have to figure out what works for us when no one else believes it will. There are my summaries from the two different worlds I have been in just this week. Please don't think any different of me.
Wrote April 6th, 2021.
