1st Year Since My Grandma's Passing

        This entry is a day late because I have had a lot of things going on and I didn't really want to write about it on the day of. I'm trying to be strong for all of this week and yesterday too. I did cry a little at naptime and my prayer time last night. It even makes it worse and strange to think it has been one year without any grandparents in my life and I am only 28 years old but it happens. People can live forever. I just really miss her and all my other grandparents. It was always fun going to see them when we did.
         I never felt like I grew up around them and that is what I loved about seeing them. I just need that feeling right now this month because I don't know where my life is going. I know I could talk to her about anything if I would only open my mouth more. She was the strongest woman I knew. Both of my grandmas were. I really do take a lot after them. I love God like my mom's mom did and I take after the homemaking or wanting to do that like my dad's mom did. That is what I think of the most at least when I think of the two.
         My mom's mom always kept up a nice house because she loved having people over. The houses that I remember before she moved to her apartment were really big. Big enough to have the whole family over at once and that was a big deal because she had 6 children herself, which means I have a lot of aunts and uncles and even more cousins on that side. She was also such a great decorator. I think my oldest sister got that trait from her. I sure didn't. She would always say to my oldest sister that she would need to come up sometime to help her decorate but she didn't need to really.
         I also remember a lot of Christmases and Thanksgivings at my parents' house with her after my grandpa passed away and we did that for about probably 4 or 5 years. Something else I loved about one of her habits was that she always gave tree ornaments out with our Christmas presents each year and would be a Bible verse on the back of them. I will keep those ornaments until the day that I die too. Each one of my had something to do with a teddy bear because she knew I liked teddy bears. Who doesn't if you really know me?
         She didn't only do that with the ornaments, she would write verses on cards that she sent us and any presents like birthday presents she sent too. She would also put the year that it was given to us. She had to stop that when she was getting older and losing her memory so those things are very special to me because I had the chance to miss those things when she was still alive. Some things are just better when you get a chance to miss them when people are alive. It is less to miss when they have passed. If you get what I am saying.
         It was sad but I at least knew the reason why she couldn't give them to us anymore like that. Now my mom started the whole tree ornaments thing for her own kids by caring on the tradition and even for her own grandkids, which I think is neat too. I can't believe it has been a year since she has passed. That year went by so fast it seemed like. I'm so busy with life that I don't even notice things like that and I hate it most of the time. I think this year is going to be the same but worse. I can't seem to find time to enjoy the things I love to do. I just always seemed stressed out.
         That is another thing about my grandma that passed away a year ago. I know she had her moments on some things because everyone does but you wouldn't think it bothered her at all when you visited or talked to her on the phone. She either really trusted God with anything or really wanted to that she tried hard to. I really need to be like her in that area right now in my life. She always had a smile on her face that I could remember. She also loved talking and engaging people. I think that is where my mom got those two habits too.
             Things are not the same without her. Things are even more confusing and not just for me. Like people are saying, though, or at least the ones closest to me, she is up there with God singing the old church songs that she loves. One thing I Remember is that my last time I went to see her because she really passed away like the day before or two days before, my aunt was in her room and had some old songs on a tape player from one of her favorite tapes and she would response to the music. She would smile a little bit and move her head.
             I just remembered thinking that I want to be like that when I pass away into Heaven with God. I want to be happy with a smile on my face and listening to worship and praise songs. Not regretting a thing that I have done in this life. Younger people, that know me, write that down. It is true. She was just so at rest with herself and God and you could just tell that. It was sort of amazing to see in a way and a challenge for me as a way to live my life. It should be a challenge for all of you who read this too. I want to get to that place where I just don't care about anything or what anyone else thinks of me but God. I don't what to be so stressed out all the time and trying all the time. That is not good for our health, physical or emotional.
         
Challenge: "Try to find time to rest in God everyday, even for a few minutes, and then get to where you can rest in God all day, everyday, without worrying about any other thing or person."