No Plan for Me Yet

        I wrote this down in my journal last night in the middle of the night because I woke up and could not go back to sleep. After I wrote it, I went to sleep peacefully. I am warning you I am typing on my phone because my internet is messed up right now.
        After I got my apartment packed up and my family left for the day, I sat in the middle of my bedroom floor and the tears started to flow. I was crying off and on all day if I was not a sleep. I have been so strong for a long time but yet I cannot share what I am feeling out loud. Everything is happening so fast after 5 years in one apartment! Everything is changing so fast and if you really know me I do not do well with change at all. That is when I get high level of anxiety.
         I have no idea where I will end up at. I am trying to trust God in all of this because I know He has a plan but I am a person that also likes to know what the plan is too. This is the first time in my life that I have felt so alone too and that does not help. I love my family and thankful that we are so close that we can and will help each other out in time of need.
         As I sat in my empty apartment, though, that my family and one friend helped packed it up, it made me think am I really that alone. Do I only have my family and a few friends to count on in my life? Not that it is bad but how am I going to make it through my life when the time comes to go on away from them. God has to be doing something in my life now because I have more time to spend with Him then I ever did before but what?
         I feel like I am a missionary again but this time it is for my own life, if that makes sense. I am still working my job plus starting a new job in two weeks. My anxiety is kicking in and I wish I could talk about it but I cannot. Laying in bed at night or waking up in the middle of the night thinking about how to pack, what to pack, and how to handle both jobs. I am praying that this is the lowest point and that my 5th year in AR will only get better from here.
          I want my 5th year to be a big one! I am eating TV dinners and roman noddles with plastic silverware and paper bowls. Surprising at the same time that all of this is going on, I am being reminded of how I should be thankful for the simple things again like family, friends, silverware, dishes, and a ton of clothes and shoes and so on. It just seems like everytime you have to deal with less things, it makes life a little bit more simpler and I do not mind simple. Funny, when I redirected my life back in Feb. I had no idea this was what God had in store for me as my big test in trusting Him.
         I know it is not the only one He has in store for me this year either. It is quite the experience for me at the age of 28 going on 29 in a few months.  God will bless me, though. He always come through and does blesses the ones who love Him. Cannot wait to see what God has in store for me once I finally get settled down in and with everything!