First Time I Couldn't Go to Sleep

      I can't go into real details because I don't have time for it because I wanted to write it out to remember and to tell you all what impact my job is having on me. Kind of like an update in a good way. Last night was the first night while working at my job that I couldn't get to sleep for a little while. It might seem strange to some of you and maybe I was just hearing children out of my bedroom window but I was hearing children's voices so clearly then ever before in my mind with my eyes closed.
      They sounded like my nephews' and nieces' voices but I couldn't see them. I could just hear them and that made me a little scared so I had to wake up and do something for a little bit to get them off my mind and this was even after praying for them. I wonder if it was their voices because I would pay more attention to them but yet I wonder at the same time if it was the children crying out for help and that was what bothered me. I swear I heard voices in my head with my eyes close and as far as I know there were no children outside.
       I know I probably shouldn't be sharing this where everyone can see it but it could be an example of the Holy Spirit talking to me too about helping the kids in need. I couldn't understand what they were saying because I just heard a bunch of kids talking but it was strange. It was like I never left my workplace. I don't know if I have been inside too long with them because of this rainy week or what but God is trying to tell me something. I know I've been thinking a lot more about staying around here instead of traveling this summer and an explanation of that will come later this week I hope of how God is showing me that. It was like I was almost fast asleep listening to those children talking but apart of me was scared to go to sleep like that so I had to get up and do something around my apartment for a bit and then I went to sleep right away after I laid back down.
        I hope I'm not the only one that has had a crazy thing like this happen to me or close to it. I hope someone out there knows what I'm talking about.  I sometimes don't want it to be true but what if it was true. I don't want to push it aside and not think or forget about it.

Feeling like a Mom

         I have my own children or I dinfantly want some after Friday night. I swear bath time and bedtime are my favorite times with the children at my job. God has been using me there and I love it. I'm really thinking He is trying to get me to stay in the states and in AR for awhile longer. I'll write more about that later in another entry. Right now, I want to write about Friday night and how I put my little girl to bed. It was such a great feeling and I want to say that I know how a mom feels like putting her little ones to bed but I know I will never get that experience really until I have my own.
          Thursday night as you all know I started to pray with some of my little girls before bed and for the life of me I couldn't think about what to pray with them because my prayer as a little girl would be different because I had things to be thankful for like a family and other things so I thought I really had to think about what to pray with them. I finally just has this one little girl, I was teaching her to pray, say thank you for my friends, teachers, food, bed and so on. The other little girl wanted to do it by herself so I let her.  This praying "talk" got started because one of the little girls freely said that she prayed and the other little girl wanted to know how so I'm showing her. First it is the Bible that she wanted me to read. Now it is prayer. I was so mad at myself because I felt like I didn't show her what prayer could be like Thursday night but Friday morning I called my mom and she gave me some ideas. She said that I could use "The Lord's Prayer" as one or pray about things that is where she is and what is bothering her because I know she seems like she is searching for something.
              Friday night was a big night personal for me because I brought her, her first Bible and gave it to her Friday night. I was going to read "The Lord's Prayer" from it as her first story but that Bible didn't have it in it so I read the story about Jesus dieing on the cross and that is hopefully what she will remember the 1st story being from her 1st Bible. After that Bible story, we citied "The Lord's Prayer" together, I said it and then she said it after me. After she was asleep and I was home I thought that I need to know it in children's form if I'm going to be doing this, not in King James Version like I learned it. With the words like: hallowed, thy, debts, and debtors, she had no idea what I was talking about and she would ask too or just laugh about it and we would go on.
                 On the way home, I was thinking and I've done it for my nephews and nieces before but I was thinking I want to take her home with me. I want to have those sweet moments every night. That is how I'm going to raise my children if God willing. Then it got me to thinking about whether I would have my own children in the big church of children's church. I have a person that I know that has her two little daughters sit in on big church and I never thought anything about it until Friday night. They have the whole family together as one and two they would never learn how to sit in big church if they don't start out young as babies. I admire this family because they are that close as a family that everyone would attend church even the little ones if they can.
                  Strange how God makes you think about things sometimes. Even though, my own children are far in the future for me, He is given me a taste of what it might be like or what I should have it like when and if the time comes for me. God is giving me these different chances to see how I want to raise my children and what it could be like. I think He is also giving me the idea that I might what to stay around and have my own little ministry with my own children and/or start to foster. People do both. It's strange too because I found out just this weekend that my parents even thought and talked about fostering children before they had the 6 of us. It must be something in my blood and something I'm use to and yet my mom turned out to be a teacher still caring for children of all sorts because you never know what kind you have in a classroom.
                  My life and adventure is just getting started on who I really am and am all about. I'm unique and I'm not saying that to brag but saying it to say we are all in some way and this is my way. How many people would love to do what I'm doing or could do what I am doing? People tell me that all the time but I just shove it off and say it is something I grew up with it is nothing big but for me it is something big. It isn't just a job to make money for me, it is my ministry and I grew up doing it all my life without knowing it in ways and wanting to do it. It is my dream and it will stay my dream until it comes true. It is just beginning to come true and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me or how He wants it done. All of this from 2 nights and a show called "The Huntin' Grounds" and watching that dream come true for the host/founder, himself, while he trusted God with it all. He took that leap of faith and now I need to so I can see mine come true too.

A Child and Prayer

         I had an experience that broke my heart to pieces last night with a child. I know I say that a lot but this one makes me want to get a two bedroom apartment at least or a house more then ever now so I can start fostering children. Bedtime is the sweetest time for me because it is just me and the girls and we can have little talks while I'm rocking each of them. Whether it is about the day ahead or the Bible or what prayer is or what they are feeling and why they acted the way they did that day. It is all part of being a mom to them really and a little girl brought that to my attention last night.
          I actully had a "new" girl looking at the Bible stories now and picking out which one she wants me to read before she goes to bed so there are two girls that will listen to me read the Bible. The one girl told me last night that she loves God and asked if I loved God too and I said, Yes without a doubt in my mind. She also said that she knew how to pray and that she can all by herself. After a little awhile of reading, I asked her if she would like to pray and she said she already did by herself.
          Then there is this other girl that I started reading the Bible to but she kind of backed off from it but then last night as I was rocking her we got to talking about prayer and how to pray because that other little girl brought it up. I tried to pray with her but she kept getting her mind somewhere else and I told her what to pray for and why we pray and how we start and end it so we might have said a 1 min prayer with a lot of questions in between but that is ok. I asked what she wanted to pray for and she said butterflies. I led the prayer like thank you for your friends, your teachers, the food you have and your bed. It was hard and it is in a situation like I'm in. It is different from when I was growing up but I have a better idea today and hopefully she will want to do it again tonight.
              With that same girl, after our prayer I said In Jesus' name, Amen and then we got on the topic of Jesus dieing on the cross for our sins somehow and she started asking questions about that. She asked, "Why did He die on the cross?" My answer was like, "He was saying sorry for us to God for all the sins that we have done." I then asked her do you know what sin is and she said, "No" and then I gave her some example like, "lieing to the teachers, not listening to teachers, not being nice to our friends or sharing with our friends. Jesus is forgiving us saying sorry for us for those things.
               She looked so lost and in that talk she said that she missed her daddy. I saw that she looked lost and confused so I said when you get older maybe someone will explained it to you and you can understand it better then. This is where it broke my heart to pieces but then she said I want you to tell me about it. I started to cry in that room with her clinging onto (hugging) me. These children are searching for something because they know it is out there. This girl is 5 years old.
                It made me think about my children that I might have someday if God is willing. How do you make sure they understand all these hard things? You just have to try your best and pray that God will grab their hearts for good. We take these things growing up and knowing these things for granted so much or at least I do and this made me see that not every child knows about God  but are searching for Him. It is like God is giving me the chance to see what I am going to do and help me get better before and if I have my own children. I hope something gets across to these kiddos and stick with them where ever they go no matter how hard it is. God has me here for a purpose right now and I love it. God could be writing a story with me because this is 3 or 2 things like I've written about the same child but with new Godly things.
                JUST A MINTUE (AWESOME book by Compassion International founder, Wess Stafford) COULD BE AN HOUR TO A CHILD IN NEED!

My Shepherd

My Shepherd

From: Psalm 23

“My Shepherd is leading

me tenderly step by step.”

“How?” You might ask. Here

is how.

My Shepherd gives me rest

When I need it the most. While

He gives me that rest, He leads

Me with peace. He gives me rest

To renew my strength. He gives

Me peace in doing the right thing.

My Shepherd guides me. He is

Close beside me when He does

That. He also protects me and

Comforts me. He protects me

By helping me handle my

Enemies with a kindness only

He can give.

My Shepherd has overflowed me

With blessings while doing all of

These things and giving me His

Goodness and Unfailing Love.

He has also promised that I will

Get to live in His House Forever.

My Shepherd is there when I need

Him the most. Do I need any other

Reason to not trust Him with my

Life?

Written By: Tiffney Wilson

Written On: April 1^st, 2013

The Huntin' Grounds Show

I'm taking a break from my usual things that I write to tell you all about a show that just started this month by a friend of mine. It is on Dish channel 266 tonight (Tuesdays) at 7:00 PM (central time) on the Hunt Channel. It is a show about huntin'. My friend and his friends will take you on some real life hunts and show you how to manage your land for less money but to get more deer on less land. Not only do they have huntin' on the show but they have activities they do too as a group and even family. It is geared towards families and hunters alike. There are 4 guys and their passions are huntin', family, and God and you can see all that in the show. It is a show like no other! They want to make a big impact in their communities and around the world and they will as time goes on! Get in on the action now! They have a Facebook page called "The Huntin' Grounds" and their website is: www.thg-tv.com. Like them up on Facebook and they have a lot more back shows on their website. Here is a show for you to watch above.

The Lily of the Valley

The Lily of the Valley

 Have you ever felt like a Lily in the Valley?
You are growing tall towards the sun yet not
 spreading your petals out. You are reaching
 for the light but there is still so much darkness.

 People can see that the lily in the valley trying
to stick out but you can't. You have been told
that the lily can make a big difference if it let the
 light shine on it. That lily stays in the valley
because it has fears and doubts. Its petals stay
curled up because no sun can get to it.

 Then the lily hears someone say, "You are
growing and changing in me. You have a pure
heart within you that I can only use for the good.
 You are the purest of them all. The sun is shining
 down on you so all the world can see." It is shining
 on you to grow you so you can spread your petals
to the ends of the earth. You might be different then
 the rest in the valley but that's good for them. They
can see a different light shining on you and they
 want that same light.

They want that light that will make them pure and
whole again. They are in the valley for a reason and
the lily is there to help them. It's there to guide them
 towards the One True Light of the World-Jesus.
Growing that relationship with Him is the best kind of
 growing you can do in life. Making your heart the
purest of them all.

 Written On: Oct. 19th, 2013

The Four Words: Grace, Peace, Purity, and Love

        "A relationship where you can be set apart with peace, grace, love, purity, and holiness is THE PREFECT relationship. It might be hard at times but it is worth it at other times. Being that Lily in the Valley and letting that Only True Relationship shine on you is a beautiful picture."
       God has been 4 important words on my mind and heart this week to just think about and to grow in with Him and the people around me. He has done this by 3 ways. The first way is when it started Sunday night at Bible study. I had someone praying behind me and all I could hear was the 2 words grace and peace. I had no idea what that person meant but when we talking about how we can be delivers of God's Word and encourage people in God and I was already doing that to my children but I was a bit scared of what my other co-workers would think. I've never had a job where I could be up front and open about what I believed unless they're were other believers around me that I knew for sure they were believers so it was something new for me to try.
         Then Weds. at my other Bible study I go to God gave me the word pure. We were learning a new way to pray and that is when you have one person stand behind you and they just speak what they think God has put on their heart for you to hear. I didn't even know the person that was standing behind me but she was right on on how I was feeling. She said she saw a vision of me as a pure, white flower standing in a field with the sun shining down on me and my petals growing out towards the sun. She said that the sun was God brightly shining down on me and growing me into the pure, holy person that I was meant to be for Him. That I was going to spread out like my petals were someday because of Him. I was already starting to spread out with the children reading the Bible at my job but I'm been thinking about Guatemala a lot and that just made things more clear for me.
          It also scared me too because I was asking myself does that me I will only have a pure relationship with Him and no one else or will I have a pure and holy relationship with someone else with Him being the center and us aiming towards the same goal. I wouldn't mind being just His forever if He wanted to change my dream which He has more then once but it is another hard change I would have to go through because I thought I always wanted to be married and be a stay at home mom with my own children or at least my own adopted children.
          The Thursday at work one of my little boys drew me with chalk on the sidewalk outside and said I was broken. I said "Yes, I am broken." In my mind, I went straight to "I'm broken in God." and then he went off and played a little bit but then he came back and drew me all fixed up. He said, "You're all fixed up. That right there showed me the Love of God. How we can be broken so many times but yet He loves us enough to fix us and put us on the right path again with Him.
          With all these words, there is one kind of flower that comes to mind that I think is my favorite at the moment and that is the Lily of the Valley. Just a thought but how awesome would it be if God show me the guy to be with for the rest of my life if I'm meant to by Him bring me some lilies of the valley. Kind of strange but I want my life to show those 4 words plus the words "Holiness and set apart from this world" and I want my future husband to show those words in his life too.  I've felt like I've been set apart my whole life for something different and exciting and speical. That is what I got from the person explaining the vision to me. I need to stand out and be set apart from the field of grass and be that flower and I know I do to some people. I think the problem is that I don't see it myself. I want to go after it! I probably shared a little too much info about my dreams right now but this is what this blog is for.
         I don't expect anything I put down here to happen soon. It's just thoughts that I have and don't want to forget.

New Hope, New Life

New Hope, New Life

Spring is the season for new

Life. Things start to bloom and

The sun shines more. Birds

Start to sing again. It seems to

Bring new hope and is being

Reborn again.

That’s only one of the amazing

Thing about God’s creation. It

Is new every season just like

Our lives. Easter is in the Spring

Too which is the holiday meaning

Everything has risen from the dead

But only One Important Person

Because without Him we couldn’t

Have all this.

There are seasons in our lives

Where we think “God, where

Are you? Are you here?” He is

Bout on the quiet side because

He is wanting us to come to Him.

Those seasons are like Winter.

Then there are season where He

Has risen from the dead of Winter

So to say and those seasons are

Like spring. They bring new life and

New hope, dreams and new

Directions. He has opened our eyes

More in ways we ever thought ‘

Could be. He takes away the old and

Gives the back the new.

Christ did give His Life for us but He

Gave it so we could have a new life and

And new hope. He restored our lives.

Spring is the season “Christ has risen.”

Written By: Tiffney Wilson

Written On: March 31^st, 2013

God's Story Being Written by Children

         Where do I start? Work was AMAZING! God was so there! The 1st thing that happened was that I had 2 girls, and they were both family hug me at the same time while playing in a room. The littlest one was on my lap and the bigger sister just came and wrapped her arms around the both of us. I don't really know what a family is yet because I'm young but right there was a perfect picture and they weren't even my children.
          The 2nd thing that happened today was amazing! We got a new, Hispanic girl Friday night so I only saw her at movie and bed time. Today she just opened up to me. She showed me a "T" that she had drawn and she said, kid you not, "This is the cross Jesus died on." I asked her, "Can you draw Jesus?" and she said, "No" and asked me to so I did. This was out of the blue. I left the room for a little bit to go tell a co-worker and I went back and I asked, "Do you know why Jesus died on the cross for you?" She answered, "For all the bad children." I was said, "You are so right!" God moment!
           The 3rd thing that happened today was at bedtime. I was rocking one of my little girls and she was looking up at the celing like she was looking at something and I asked, "What are you thinking?" because I do the same thing when I am seriously thinking about something strangely enough. She said, "I miss my daddy." and I asked her "do you know where your daddy is?" She answered, "In Heaven." I just sensed a want in her after seeing her look up of wanting to know what Heaven was like and we talked about reading the Bible together this week. She even talked about how she laid flowers on her daddy's grave and someone "took" them away. This is a 5 year old ya'll. She shouldn't have to go through this but she is. None of these children should be going through what they are but they are. They are clinging onto something so bad though even they they might not know who He really is just yet. It is the prefect age and time to tell them about Him.
           The 4th thing that happened was at bedtime too with my little, Hispanic girl. I was rocking her and I wanted a hug so bad because she reminded me of the children I see in Guatemala. Just looking at her face was enough to remind. Before, I went to lay her down in bed, I asked if I could have a hug. This is the same little girl that told me her picture was the cross of Jesus. She said, "yes" and I kid you not for those of who you know me personally, I hugged (aka smashed) her like nothing and I didn't want to let go at all. It brought me back to Guatemala. That is when I really started to cry (good) about the day.
           Where is our Faith as little children not just any little children but these little children that have been abused and negetled? Sadly do we need to have that happen to us to really see God for who He really is? In a sense, we really were but we fall and forget more often then we should. I don't know what is fully going on here yet these 2 girls but God is really writing some kind of story for me. Don't know how or what I should do with it just yet but it's coming. I know it is!

Branching Outwards

           It has been a long time since I have done one of my devos. so I thought I would type one up today that I have already written out and I'm doing these for a small Bible study at my church so it goes both ways.  This devo. is from Genesis 2:8-14.

          "Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there He placed man He had created. And the Lord God planted all sorts of trees int he garden-beautiful trees that produced delicious fruit. At the center of the garden He placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. A river flowed from the garden of Eden watering the garden and then broke into four branches. One branch is the Pishon, which flows around the entire land of Havilah, where gold is found. The gold of that land is exceptionally pure, aromatic resin, and onyx stones are also found there. The 2nd branch is the Gihon, which flows around the entire land of Cush. The 3rd branch is the Tirgis, which flows east of Asshur. The 4th branch is the Euphrates."-Genesis 2:8-14

           The center of the garden is like our hearts is the center of our body. Every feeling, good and bad, comes from there. At the same time, it can produce beautiful fruit within us and outside of us. IT can and does give us life because without it pumping we wouldn't be living. It pumps the blood that helps us breath and other things to keep us going. Just like God planted all sorts of trees, He made all kinds of people yet we still fit into His Plan. He plants us in a spot for a purpose and a time. Why do you think the area around the garden and in the garden would be told if it didn't mean something today? It goes from talking about the tress to talking about the river that had many branches. The river is all one in the garden but outside of the garden it breaks into 4 branches. The 1st branch goes around a town of gold that is pure and onyx stones. That should tell us that we should be around people that "feed" us the truth and encourages us in The Word of God. Then the 3rd and 4th branches, the Trigis and the Euphates are big ones still today.
              The branches of the river could be the different areas of our lives. We could give some over to God and let them be pure as gold or just let them keep going around the same town in circles like some of the rivers do here and that is all the Bible tells us. Nothing exciting about those rivers. If you took the time to really look into history though I bet there is but let's not think about that for now. Those rivers that keep going around in circles might not be as important to God then the ones made of pure gold but every branch is the same to God just as important and we need to let Him in on everyone of them. At the same time, those could become popular through time in any way if we aren't careful with them. They could take our hearts over like they could take an city over.
              Our hearts have 4 chambers and each chamber has a tube. The blood goes in one tube and out the other. You don't hear about the Pishon as often anymore if at all. It could also mean that if we are greedy and keep all that gold and wonderful things to ourselves, we might make God sad. If we are like the Tirgis that we still here about today, giving up those wonderful things then God would be happy with us because we are sharing His Glory with other people around us. We are sharing the Good News about Him!

A Child and a Bible

        Sorry I am behind again. It has been another busy week but hopefully this next week will be a lot slower. Children are so straight forwards with what they think most of the time. Sometimes it makes you think if they even know what they are talking about. I had this one girl this week (same one I have been talking about a lot lately) that had 2 very important chats with me. The first one all started when she saw a shadow outside while she was swinging and her shadow was "following" her. I was trying to explain to her that when she gets in the way of the sun that is what makes her shadow. Then the next thing I hear is "Just like my daddy is watching me." To me, she thinks her shadows are her daddy looking down on her and watching her. I asked her, "Where is your daddy watching you from?" and she said, "Up there." She told me about how she misses her daddy and how she likes him better then the one she has now because of certain reasons I can't say. It just broke my heart.
           Then the day after that day during bedtime she got to talking about a fair that she got to go to with her aunt and how she took a free Bible from I guess a stand. I asked her questions like," do you read it, does it have pictures in it, and did your aunt read it to you?" She said that she looked at it but "no" to the other questions. Then I asked her if she would like a Bible where it had pictures that she could look at and someone could read to her and she said "yes". I'm getting one for her. Then that got me thinking this isn't the first chat I had about God or Bibles or anything like that. We need one main Bible to keep at my work so we could read it at bedtime just like stories if we have these chats or let it be a choice in the book basket and then they can pick and not be "made" to hear it. I find it hard to explain to this child that her daddy is up in Heaven, not just up there, so sadly I don't but some Bible stories will maybe help her understand some or at least know there is a place called "Heaven".
            I think God is showing me how something that simple can make a difference in a child's life. Yeah, they may not get the stories at first but it showed them that someone cared enough to give them one. It is simple to do. All we have to do is go buy a few or have some donated. It is my missionary heart working again but you know what I am so thankful and blessed that I work at a place where I'm able to have those talks and do those things. It is brought up a lot of the times by the children looking for something to believe in or someone to love them. It's sad that we have to see that in a little child but so true these days. This is a way we can be a blessing to children and people because who knows how many that one Bible will reach. We never know where they are going to go and maybe a grown up Bible is to hard for even the parents to read so a children's Bible would be perfect.
            What is something simple you can do for a child today? Maybe take a few hours out of your day to play with them or even a minute to give them a hug? This is not an adveratisement even though it might sound like one but really more to make you think. :)

Something Greater: A Prayer Poem

Something Greater: A Prayer Poem

Inspired By: Psalm 46:10 and a friend

Daddy, there are moments in

My life when I feel hopeless.

Moments I don’t feel like I have

A purpose. There is a hole or

Empty spot in me.

I feel like I’m striving for

Something greater. Something

That I can only reach myself.

I don’t need to strive for anything.

In fact, I need to crease striving.

I need to be still and know You

Are God. I need You to fill that

Empty spot that only You can.

You have greater things for me

If I’d let You lead. I need to

Have peace in knowing You

Know what is best for me.

I filled it with people’s thoughts,

Jobs, helping people out but it’s not

About doing. It’s about Grace, Your

Grace, and receving it. Letting it

Come to me. It’s nothing I earn.

Why am I striving for it then?

If I am in Your Path for me then

You will show me that something

Greater when I am ready for it.

Might not be until I get to Heaven

Because I live in a sinful thing called

“life” but what greater is there,

right? Your Grace is the great thing

I need to rest in not strive for.

Written By: Tiffney Wilson

Written On: Jan. 2013

A Child Seeking God's Attention

            We are like children seeking for God's attention. This is the theme I felt like God has been teaching me this past week with my little girl. She is so self-seeking and she takes everything you say for real. There is no maybe with her. It is a yes or a no so you have to be careful what you say to her. She also as a really good memory. I can't tell the whole story of her and what has happened but I can say that she needs all the attention she can get. She can go to this joyful, little girl to one throwing a big fit in no time at all if you don't give just her the attention. I noticed this espically at the end of the week when we got another new little girl.
          The 1st little girl had the bedroom and me rocking and reading to her and only her for a week or more and then here comes another little girl. The first night with the two girls were really hard for me because they are both in for not getting enough attention and knowing my heart that is all I want to do is give them both attention but it is hard because I can't rock them both at the same time or things like that. The 1st little girl showed some bad jealousness and untrust towards me when I had to take care of the other little girl. She doubted me when I said I was going to do this and that. She would not let me even pat her back and she would not lay down easy for me. She wanted things her way because that is what she was use to. She didn't like her new friend because she was taking all the attention to her. It just broke my heart to see how one child could go to trusting someone for a week and be happy to a I don't like you anymore addtiude for a night when she wanted someone to sleep with the first night because she was scared of being by herself. She would even hide things from me the day our new friend got there because she didn't want me to take them.
           Then it got me thinking on the way home after everything that night, isn't that how we are with God? Don't we say God you got this thing. I trust You with it. Then we take it back days later because we want to have control because we are scared it won't turn out right. We get jealous of other people getting there faster then we do. We lose focus on what really matters in life. We seek attention from the things of this world instead of focusing on God like we should. Don't we doubt God and ask for another sign when He has given us a clear one? We don't trust Him like we should.  He says He will do this and that but we ask again and again just to make sure. We take things into our own hands because we know how it will turn out if we handle it but if we give it to God we have no idea. We are scared of what is going to come next. Don't you think these children are too? We hide things from God because we don't want Him to have control of it. We are like children throwing a HUGE fit when we take our eyes of God.
            Our Daddy still Loves Us though. He will never leave us like some of this parents have left their child. He loved us enough to die for us on the cross. He loved us with an "Apage" Love that we should love other people with around us. I will admit I have been in a hug fit lately with God and seeing it from a child's point of view and seeing how "dumb" (lack of a better word) it is espically towards God who cares about us and who we are His children. I saw so many "sins" in my life in that girl's life. She can't help it yet but I can.  Jealously, doubt, not trusting God, wanting the control, fear, and so much more. Where is that peace and love that we should have when God is in our lives?
            It was strange because I was like the "God" firgure to this little girl and I was letting her down because I had another little girl to help out or that is what she thought because that she what she knows. All she knows. We seek God's attention so much by doing so many "good" things but we don't need to do that. He loves us like we are His child. Nothing we can do will take us away from Him. He is always with us in the good and the bad. In everything we do and say. He should be at least. We run after His attention more then we should because really it is right there within us but we don't see it because some days or months we chose not to see it. Sad.
            I was asking God that night in that room, "God, am I like this little girl? Am I jealous, untrusting, doubting, fearing You? Should I be?" I wanted to help that little girl so bad come to the realization that I care for the both of them. You know what the funny thing was that I did after the other girl went to sleep. I picked up the girl that was doubting and mad at me and took her in my arms and just rocked her to sleep. I gave her that safe feeling, hopefully, that no matter what happens I'm here for you. I stayed late that night to get her to sleep and some days God has to stay late too to show us what He wants to show us.
            I really couldn't ask for a better job unless it was overseas doing this same thing. :) I hope the people that read this will understand what I am trying to get across. I think I explained it the best I could.

God Has Been Working in my Life

It has been right at a week since I wrote last and I'm sorry about that. I've been pretty busy with life and work. I had to go in early on some days for work and then just my normal routine in with that makes things busy once in awhile. I will try to do some poems this week although I have interesting things planned for this week but again it will be busy so we'll see if I get chances to write or not. God has given me to amazing chances this week. I shouldn't say chances but answers to prayers but now I have to still keep praying because one of them I don't know what to do. The first answer to prayer came to me Friday morning at 1:00. It was that I could have a week mission trip paid for to Guatemala through this mission project this summer by a couple I never have met. How it came about was I was talking to a lady that ran a children's home in MO where I went to college at and I went to the home maybe once while in college but my friends went a lot more. She got talking to some of her friends who went on the same mission trip last summer and loved it and they are willing to paid in full for me to go. The mission project is at another orphanage and a couple from Branson, MO are working for it. They were another one of this lady's friends. It is called "1:27 Missions Project". It is based off of the verse, James 1:27. A new mission project, a new city in Guatemala, and a new and different orphanage to see and learn. I would have to give up my other mission trip that I usually take in the summer because they might be the same week but we'll see. Maybe God can do something like change the days. That would be amazing. This chance reminds me of a Mexico chance I had in college. I was going to go by myself and then some friends and I got a group together and the college paid for most of it. Then the other answer to prayer is that I get to use my apartment for hosting a cooking party for the internationals around me. I've always wanted to open my home to people. I love hosting things and having people over and I never thought I could because my apartment is a one bedroom so it is little but not little enough for God to do things in it. I could learn how to make an Indian desert dish which would be fun. I haven't planned a date for it yet but hopefully it could be this month sometime. God has really been working in my life and it is amazing to see not just through the children I work with but through my personal life as well. I'm dinfantly growing in Him if I can see these things and can keep growing if I do them. God is not only growing me but is reassuing me of things too espically this week. That everything will be okay and will work out for the Glory of Him. Strange how you can see a friend's dream come true and some of my prayers have been answered all in the same week. Chance I think not, God for real! :) He has been pushing me with the friend's dream since the friend started everything.  That's a whole other story to share maybe some day. God does answer prayers even if it takes a little while. He will never let us down. We might not know the way to go or what to do to make it happen but God does and He will show us the way if we trust in Him.