Thanks From Tiffney

       I will admit right off the bat that I was going to do an entery on Thanksgiving but I can't help it but it is a different kind of thanks espically after what I heard today. Yes, my title is from the idea from the book "Kisses From Kate" but I need something better that starts with a "T". I would usually be upset because I didn't get to spend time with family the morning of Thanksgiving this year but I'm not. I got to make some Turkey cookie treats and think about what I am most thankful for and that got me ready for my day.
         I have a 2nd family and that 2nd family are my children at work and there was no place I would rather be today then there. How many people can say that about their job? I was thinking here are all these statuses that talks about family and I don't get to spend it with mine but I did in a way. My 2nd family. The family I spend 40 hours a week with. When you work just for the extra pay for the holiday or when you think there are a million more things you could be doing then helping children, don't show it around people who don't have it. I know I'm difference from anyone around me and that makes me strange in a way but think about the children around you now. They don't have any of that stuff to go home to and might not ever have it again.
           I read an article by Katie Davis (Kisses From Kate) this morning and it got me thinking about something too and I need to read her book again since I'm doing kind of what she is but easier. I am taking care of 12 children, not by myself though. It got me thinking could I really do what she does here in America. It would be a little easier. She calls herself a single mom with 13 children and she moved into their country. That is how I started thinking about my children as family right now. I'm doing everything for them so why not, right?
           There was a moment tonight where I just had to say "thank you God" and that was when we were all sitting in the dining room on our side of the building instead of the cafe and eating like a family. I just looked at every child and thought about Katie and then thought I could do this. I want to do this. We had a sub sandwich that supposed to resemble the sandwiches you have after the big meal because they had the big meal at lunch. It was a family setting more then I have seen in my career. A bunch of little ones eating around you. Wouldn't you know it if you know me, I was right there sitting beside them in a small chair at their table. That is when I really noticed that I was truely thankful. It's moments like these I see and wish everyone in the world could see instead of me explaining it because it is never the same in words. There were 3 adult workers and 12 children. It was like our own little house for the night. :) Paper plates, milk cartons, no sliverware, and everything else you could think of after a big meal.
               Do these children really understand? Not one of them said a thing about Thanksgiving and that made me sad now that I think about it but I still think they are still too young to know about it espically if they have never been taught what it is all about or what it is. One more thing they don't get to go shopping on Black Friday or get things from that shopping day so stop and think for just a second about other people while you are shopping. That's all on that because I could go into more on how I feel about that day starting on Thanksgiving.

A Little Boy's Birthday Party

      This might be a short entery but I just wanted to share something that has happened this week and that I got to be apart of even though everything was crazy afterwards. I got to be apart of one of my little boy's birthday party and it is the little boy that I gave the snow boots to. I usually would come in to a party in the middle of it or at the end of one but this time I got to set up for it and everything. It was neat to see the smile (aka big grin) on his face when he saw his cupcake but more when he opened his presents. Everything was spiderman. The tablecloth, the napkins, and well the plates were blue to match everything and his favorite color was blue. 

        His sister got to come down and celbrate with him and got to play with him for a little bit so he really enjoyed that. It was so cute because he kept telling everyone he saw it's my birthday, we're going to have a birthday party for my birthday. There are no words to explain the look on his face when he opened each of his 3 presents either. I mean they were a spiderman "doll", a little airplane that shoots bullets, and a little track that another little spiderman could ride on. It just gave me this feeling in my heart that if 3 presents can make a little boy that happy then why can't it with us.

        Here is the lesson before you go shopping at Black Friday tommrow evening on a day we are suppose to my thankful for what we do have already. Crazy to think what it would be like if we did just get three presents at Christmas or birthday, would we be happy? It was more about the expression on his face when he got those presents that got to my heart so there are really no words for those. Just being a part of it and seeing the little boy really happy was a present to me. The parties and day goes by fast. We are used to making ours longer but why. All these children get is, maybe if they are lucky, half a hour of a party because the other children what to go off and play somewhere else. 

         Then the other children don't understand what day it is most of the time so they don't really care like a family would care and keep it going for at least that day. I have been part of a baby's birthday once and again they had no idea but it was fun seeing them get messy with the icing from the cupcake. 

That's another thing all they get is a cupcake with however many candles on it and here we are having a big birthday cake and some people those really fancy birthday cakes for a baby's 1st or 2nd birthday. I'm not againist those at all I would love to do one for my children someday but it is just a different point of view. These children could look back and remember oh I had this birthday back there because  so and so like they can look at it as a good or bad thing when they get older. 

           I'm just thankful that I got to spend one of my children's birthday with them. We have people who make a little photo book for them of their party so they can remember it but still who is to say that that book goes everywhere with them. It might get lost in all the moving but you never know. 

Be Strong and Take Heart in the Lord

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."-Psalm 24:17

        I read this verse yesterday in one of those email devos. that I get everyday and it just hit me right on the spot. I think this is my new favorite verse for right now in this time in my life. There were two words that hit me hard at they were "Be Strong".  As women or even girls, we think that we can't be strong and if we are that is a bad thing. To me, God is saying in this verse, "Wait for me and while you do that be strong and take heart and wait." God gave us three commands in this verse and they are very important ones.
         First command is to "wait for the Lord". We need to wait on Him before we move ahead in what we think are the plans for us. We might be wrong and what to go ahead because we what something now and God isn't giving it to us. Wait and see that the Lord is good. He will make things happen in His Perfect Timing.
          Second command is to "be strong and take heart". This command could be broken down into 2 commands but we'll just do one for now. This part got me because I've always thought, as women, we can be the strong ones if we are something is wrong with us. That is not true. We can be strong but it depends in what. We can't just sit around and do nothing and wait for something to happen. We have to be strong and do it. This helps me with my job because it is one of those where you have to be strong in the sense that you can't get the children get to you. You can let them walk all over you and you can't let them see that you are mad or upset. It is also good to follow when you are single because that means you can live with yourself and be happy with who you are and won't fall for anything. "Take heart" means, to me, that you take ahold of something and go with it with all of your heart in this verse. What God has given you to do and where He has placed you right now, you need to be strong and go with it. See what God has in store for you there now while you do wait on more from Him. He could be teaching you a lot where you are know whether it is growing you closer to Him or about the subject or both. It is both for me. He is healing me in ways I never thought He could and I'm not the one that needs healing compare to the children I work with.
           Third command is to "wait for the Lord" again. Why do you think God would put that in the Bible 2 times in the same verse? I think He would because that is the most important thing you can do. If you didn't wait for the Lord, your life would be a mess after a mess. You would try to control it and it would turn out bad. There are times I have tried to control my life and it didn't end up how I wanted it to but now I look back and think I'm glad I waited on the Lord because I would not be where I am today if I didn't. I couldn't see me doing things in high school that I thought about doing but it would for sure mess me up a lot if I did.
           The Lord wants us to be strong in Him and to take ahold of Him so that we will follow the plan He has for us. He knows us better then we know ourselves and His Plan and Timing is way better. He takes us through steps to get us to the plan He wants us to have plus the Home He has for us in Heaven. That is our Real Goal. That is why we are really being strong and holding on. It is also funny how God showed me this verse after having a talk to a teenager this past week about holding on and her goals/dreams for her life. Just another example of God teaching me at this job in a lot of ways if I just open my eyes.

The Day of Miracles

        I had a day of miracles this past Thursday. I got up at 6:30 and went to work at 7 and stayed there until 10 at night. It was a full day but it was a day of miracles and God knew I needed each and every one of them. I also learned a lot that day through everything that I did. I just became more mature and saw a side of my job that I have never seen before and I guess a side of me that I have never seen before because I was amazed at half of the thing. 

       It started out by taking a middle schooler and a teenagers to some appointments that they had. It was strange but I could relate to both of the appointments because I had the same things done to me like they were getting done without knowing what I would be doing. It is like God put me together with those two and knew exectly what they needed. One appointment was getting teeth checked on for braces and see if the child could get braces even and if not what needed to be done so the child can. He had a bad overbite and still had some baby teeth and enough to push the other teeth together. I can relate to the bad overbite. I understood everything the denist told me. 

        The second appointment was going to the drs. office for a broken foot. We waited about 3 hours in the waiting room and drs. office together. It was a long morning but we got some good talking in. This teenager told me about her life and what was happening and she was also worried about getting a cast but wanted one so bad. We talked through it and I told her about my broken wrist and how I broken it just playing around too like she broke her foot while dancing. We really got into some deep things because of a poster with the word "Persarvance" on it and a guy hanging off of a side of a mountain. She said, "I would just let go. I want to let go." and she said it jokely but I said right after, "No you don't you want to hold on" and she was like, "You're right" and then she told me all of her dreams and goals. She also told me that she liked me and wanted me to sign her cast first. I got to wonder how many people do actully listen to and take teens in in the foster care system. All they really need is a listening ear and have your respect for who they are and then hopefully you can get them to listen right back to you. We were laughing together by the end of the appointment. She didn't think through all of the things about a cast and I tried to share most of my story about my wrist and what the drs. would do and how it would feel when you had it on and take it off and during but I broke my wrist in 4th grade so it has been awhile. Never thought I could get along so well and talk so much to and teenager like I did this one but I had fun and loved it! 

            Then when we got back to where I work, I had to go work my plain shift for the day with my preschoolers. They were in a huggy mood that day or at least one of them was and the rest followed. One of our little boys would yelled, "It's huggy time" and come hug all the staff and then the other children would come copying him for a bit. I would have 3 to 4 children on me at a time. It was such a great feeling! :) Just what I needed in the afternoon after a busy, boring, and long morning. 

            Then staff got to talking about one of our children and what she is like and while they were talking I was thinking again. She has a sickness that if she wasn't in the states she might not be with us. If she was an orphan, without a doctor, in another country she might not be able to talk or be alive. It was just strange what went through my mind right then. We are blessed to have doctors that can perform miracles everyday too. It would be neat to see this little girl grow up and see what happens to her but either way I believe God will use her in the way He wants to with what is happening to her. 

            Four miracles in one day. They are all around us if we just open our eyes more and take that time to see those who we can relate to or think they need an encouraging word, even change our thinking around by being positive about things like thankful that we have doctors to go to. God will put us with people that we are able to help. That's why He puts us in their lives right then. That is why they cross our path. We think that people cross our path to change us a lot of times when really it can go the other way or both ways if we take the time to see it that way. 

Dreams and Secrets

Inspired by: A Teenage Girl that I talked to this week.

      I've been thinking a lot about my dreams again and who I truly am and who I want to know the real me. Sometimes we have to be careful to who we tell our secrets to. This blog is not a good example but it is helping me get my thoughts out. I have a farm that I grew up on my first 4 years of life so I call my home and it is really my 2nd home. No one really knows all the story behind it or why I went there and it is still a secret and will be because that story is something meaningful to me and I want to share it with people who I know will stick around. I also got to thinking though one of the adults is not doing too well. He is getting sick and has been getting worse the last 2 times I have been down there over 6 months. I always like going back because I hear stories of my life as a child and it just feels like home and peaceful. She was the one that taught me how to sew, some manners, starting me liking bears, and much more. I am the way I am because of them today.
        I feel like one person could really understand what I feel there and why. I feel like only one person could get the reason of why I would like to live out in the country while living the simple life as a stay at home mom. I was driving back from their house out in the country and I was just thinking, I could do so much out here. My own children's shelter or camp. Has we were talking, I was thinking about a friend and how much my friend would get along with them both even the lady. They would both of the same thoughts on nature, traditions, family, and everything else. They could talk about the farm all day. It is a hard feeling to put into words in a blog.
         It is the place I grew up and no one really will understand me until I tell them or really can show them that place and right now there is only one person I want to do that too. I also don't want to show many friends that place and introduce them to the people because the people aren't scared to share my baby stories with anyone. They are very outspoken so they will say anything. I also got to thinking today while there about my friend and my farm friends' love for animals whether it is dogs and cats to cows and chicken and deer. I know the farm friends are who got me to love God's Creation because we use to take a walk in the woods every evening and I would help gather the eggs.
          They taught me the important things in life and it stuck with me. People say that the first 5 years of a child's life is the most important because that is when they learn the most. During my first 5 years, I learned life lessons kids these days don't get plus some schooling before I started Kindergarden. I was taught how to have character, care, compassion and be polite to people. That is what living on a farm can do to you and I know how to keep myself busy because I was outside most of the time and my farm friends didn't have TV or cell phones and they still don't.
            A dream of mine and I will say it on here because those who know me can probably already guess. I want to be a stay at home mom and have that old lifestyle. The lifestyle that meant everything to me. That is the way my dating life is too. I don't want to just go out on causal dates with just any guy from a dating service or another town. That's not me. I want that one that has been a friend to me before we start to "date" and that I know God has for me. I don't even want to call it dating. I want to be friends and go on group dates until the right guy is ready to prove himself and ready to get serious. I know what I want already just by my guyfriends and the different ones I've had in my life. I believe that God will show me too in His Timing. It sounds sappy but that's how I was raised. I was raised in a different world and been in one ever since then. I just didn't see it til it is almost gone from me and is slipping away but isn't that when we see everything that is most important to us.
              Like I said, I know this might be a little too much information for a blog, but I hope girls younger then me read this and see there are girls (woman) out there that still believe the "old" way of dating. That they believe that God has someone for them and if not then God will use them just as they are in a more important way then they ever thought could happen. We all have dreams and we can dream them but we have to be happy where we are first so God can bring more things into our lives. We have to see that God is the #1 and not some guy. God will put things into place as it should be.
               This is something I have been thinking a lot about lately. Causal dating and being by myself and here is my answer to myself written out. I've made my choice. I have hobbies and a job to do until the one comes along if he ever does and if not then I have a dream to go after and I can start going after it right now even without him. I hope this makes somewhat of sense. Please if anyone has questions ask me. I won't be scared to answer any. I don't want to make the wrong impression towards or for anyone. If it is hard to understand please ask me.

A Boy and a Pair of Snow Boots

       It all started last Friday. It kind of started before then because the girls had dressy, cowgirl sort of boots and the boys didn't because we didn't have any for the boys. This little boy saw the boots that the girls had so he wanted some just like theirs. Well, we went to look for some but couldn't find anything but some work boots. This little boy was not happy with his work boots because he wanted snow boots. It took us a half a hour and almost 3 people get him to put them on Friday so he could go outside and play. I sat down with him and started talking to him about what was wrong and if I could help. He said he didn't like his boots because he wanted snow boots.
         I had this feeling in me like I did with my little girl and her Bible. That feeling of he just wanted something really bad that he never had how much is it to us to buy a pair of boots if he wanted them. You just need to talk to and find out what they want and if you can get them then my saying is get them. Money is not ever wasted on a little child that has nothing. He came outside after awhile and sat down at the table. He was still upset about the boots so I went over to talk to him and see what was wrong and why her didn't like the boots. He said, "I want snow boots. Blue snow boots." I made a deal with him and said," I will get you some blue snow boots if I can find some this weekend and bring them back after 2 nights. Ok?" I had to repeat myself to make sure he didn't think I would bring them back the next day. I told him though, "Until then you have to where these boots" and he said, "ok." after a little while.
             I went that night to get the boots after work because I was scared that if I wouldn't get them right away I would forget later. The store I went to did not have blue snow boots but they had camo snow boots. I hastiated back and forth thinking what if he really meant he wanted blue snow boots. What if he doesn't like these or what if they don't fit? I got the same size as his work boots but his work boots seemed too small but that is all the sizes the store had. I went ahead and got them anyways because hopefully he won't remember the exact color he wanted. Hopefully, he will be happy with what he gets. Most of these children are.
             Like I said I went ahead and got them, then I thought maybe I should wait to give them to him when it gets a little colder because it still has been in the 60s here. I thought it would be too hot for them. Came Monday I went ahead and took the snow boots to work and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is "do you have my snow boots." He did remember from 3 days ago. I said, "Yes, but wait until we go outside." He put them on before we went out and never took them off yesterday. He gave me a hug but that is because I asked for one but it was a hug that had more feeling to it. When I say he didn't take them off and all, the only time he took them off was to take a bath. Then he put them back on over his footie pjs.
              I didn't get to see much of this but I heard that he did take them off during movie time but he kept them close by him. Like if someone even walked near him or them, he would hold onto them tightly. All this for a little pair of snow boots but yet we have a hundred of shoes in our closet. If you are me, you have a hundred pairs of flip flops in the closet. Why can't we just be thankful for the simple, small things all the time? Why can't we just be thankful for the things we already have this holiday season instead of rushing to Black Friday or getting really busy.
            Just to spend time with family around the table or tree is something spiecal to have. We'll see how Dec. goes for me at this job. Might be hard because no one in the world should be without family during the holidays. These two are my favorite ones because of that time we get to spend together. The traditions made as a family. Just my two cents. :)

Simple Life But Confusing Prayers

       Something just come to my mind when I was in my small church group last night. We were talking about prayer and being delivery agents for God and it has really made me think. I think what made me think was we can pray wherever we are to be a delivery agent just by a short, simple prayer and be willing for God to use us in the way He has Planned for us. He will bring the people to match us and that needs what we are learning and what He is teaching us too. Then I got to thinking about how I live my life and the kind of life I like compared to my prayer life. I live a simple life yet I have long and confusing prayers.
         By living the simple life I mean I don't need to stay up to date with clothes or anything like that. I would love to live the simple, country life when I get married or someday by myself. I don't mind a small house/apartment. I don't need anything big or fancy. I would rather give my money to help people that need help. I think my life is so simple though because my prayer life is so long and confusing. I spend more time thinking about things then I should and asking God for things that I want most of the time and not what He wants or is able to do through me.
         By having a long and confusing prayer life, I mean I will write a 4 sometimes 5 page prayer at time telling God what I am thinking, what I want in the future or now, what is going on and what I want to happen, or even sometimes telling him what is wrong and how it would be nice if He fixed it this way or that. That's not my job at all. God already has my Future planned out, I just need to be willing and open to follow Him with it. I can tell you know that it is not looking the easiest but that is why God is in it and needs to be in it. I want God to use me the best He knows how and for the real reason He put me here on this earth. I want to change lives and for those of you who have known me forever or just a few years you know I've always wanted that. I do have a heart for God's people.
         There was a saying last night that got to me and it was, "We can see a little bit of enertity now if we let God use us in the way He wants to here on earth. How neat would it be for me to see enertity in the eyes of children? See their lives change for the better because of me? We can't just sit around and let God do the work for us. He wants us involved thats why we need to say, "Here I am Lord, Send me." We need to be more observant in today's world. I know God has opened my eyes here where I live to how many children really needs a foster home. I knew there were abused and negetled children the world but not in my own backyard until I started the job I have now. I've always wanted to go overseas and help those children but God has opened my eyes and made me see the need here in this state.
         God has just opened my eyes so much more and made me more observant and curious to where I look into things and watch for things having to do with fost care or adopting or other things close to that. I have talked to people lately that does those things and I thought I never would. I have got to know some amazing more because of that new interest and dream of mine. People I can relate too for once and it feels great.
           I want my simple lifestyle to match my prayer life. I want my prayer life to be simple and ready to go where God would have me be no matter the situtations. I want to stop those long prayers and just be like Lord, I'm here send me espially in the mornings and throughout my day. I need to learn to just pray that throughout my day whether on the drive to or from work, at work, or in the store shopping. Wherever it might be, I want God to use me. Simple and Short. Maybe I won't worry as much or be anxious as much if I do it that way.
              I wonder what is "a confusing life but a simple prayer life" like. That could be the kind of life I am talking about now. That could be the life I'm living now. I don't know what is next for me but I'm trusting and praying to God about it. Could changing it around make the whole difference? Maybe I don't want my prayer life to match my simple life? Maybe I want my prayer life to match my confusing life? Hopefully, tommrow I will start putting steps up on here about my future dream and where I think God is leading me to. I have 6 steps but only 4 planned out so far. Hope this makes sense I had to write fast because I need to leave for work.

Pray, Love, Eat

      "The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given gifts to each of you from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Manage them well so that God's generosity can flow through you. Are you called to be a speaker? Then speak as though God is speaking through you. Are you called to help others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then God will be given glory in everything through Jesus Christ. All glory and power belong to him forever and ever. Amen."-1 Peter 4:7-11

         These verses were the verses that the sermon tonight at my church were based off of and I want to put them on here because I want to share part of the sermon too. It's funny sometimes how we don't see what we are doing until someone tells us or that we have to be reminded of it off and on again. During the sermon I thought I do this everyday at my job. I am blessed to do this at my job everyday. My preacher named off and made it shorter so people could remember what to do for God as we come to the end of the world. We can't just live it for ourselves we have to live it for God and here are some ways to do that. I won't go into much detail because it is self explained. Just to let you know I'm not sharing to brag about what I do but I'm showing it can be something as simple as this or that.
      
         Praying-I pray every night after I come home for sure because there are things I just have to talk to someone about and that late at night that someone is God. I try to pray before I go to work or go into the building even if it is a little prayer like, "God, give me those little moments to show the kids you today", Let me watch for those little moments form You, or "God, give me the wisdom and strength to get through the day." In that way, I am earnest and disciplined in prayer.

          Deep Love-That is my main job. I show these children deep love because no one has in their life yet. I show them what it is suppose to look like and what it can look like and feel like. Hopefully, I show them the One that can love them deeply no matter where they go or what happens to them in life. That's why I try to care for them like I should, take time to talk and play with them, take time to read the Bible and pray with them. Take time to rock them to sleep or just for a little bit before they go to sleep.

            Show People My Home-Now this means at my job to embrace the strangers and I do that every 3 months at the most. New children come in and I have to embrace them like they are at my work for a lifetime because we have no idea when they could leave to go somewhere else. Embrace them means learning about and loving on them. Embrace them in my arms. Give them all the hugs and kisses that I can and tell them that they are beautiful, handsome, and pretty. Just give them some encouragement in who they are and can be.

            I'm made to help others (aka the children). I'm there at my job to serve them and give them what they need because no one else did. Sometimes depending on how many children we have at a time it does take all my strength and energy plus more from God. There are some days that I go home and give God the glory and thank Him for getting me through the day because it was so busy with so much going on. Co-workers see the energy and strength I have too but don't understand and they tell me that. They are like "how do you do it, Tiffney or you have a lot of energy" and I just smiled and say thanks when really I'm thinking Thank you God. I should say that out loud though. I need to work on that more.
           Question to challenge you with: What are your gifts and how are you using them in your work place or how will you start if you aren't already using them?

God Made People to Have Connection

         I saw this on a friend's Facebook page and thought it was so true espically for the job that I am in. I love the way it makes you look at attachment and the prayer at the end. I saw it when the stubborn little girl was at my job. It's crazy to even think that you are giving away a piece of your heart to a child just like you would in any other relationship. I thought at first so is it like loving your boyfriend or husband but it is a different kind of love. It is true because if the child knows that there are people out there who care enough to get attached to them and can and then they might hopefully try harder to be good for the people they go to.
   
        "People often ask how do you deal with loving a kid that might not stay with you? How do you protect your heart? How do you not get attached? Trainers warn “don’t get attached too soon, you never know what is going to happen.” So what do you do if you start to get attached? You might not expect to hear this from a trainer - but you might just need to let it happen.

God created humans to attach to each other. It’s natural if you start to care emotionally for a child you are caring for physically. Your level of attachment will vary with each child that comes into your home. Some you will feel a natural attachment to from the very beginning. With others you will grow in your attachment the longer they are with you. There are also some you won’t feel deep attachment to, which is okay too. You can’t completely control when you get attached to someone. Maybe we’re not even supposed to.

God created attachment to be a healing relationship. Kids know and feel the status of your relationship. They may have a need to know that they are (or remember that they were) deeply loved by someone. This may let them know that they are deeply lovable. This may carry them through their next placement, through their journey in life. It may teach them of God’s deep love for them.

God created humans to be attachable - knowing that it would bring deep joy and that the loss would bring deep pain. And He has a purpose for both. He may allow you to get attached to someone and then take them away - but this could be true for any relationship in our lives. As much as we try, we really can’t control loss and heartbreak in our lives. But He has a purpose for our brokenness and pain. It’s actually where we become more attached to Him. Where He can comfort our hearts like no one else can.

At some point, this is going to break your heart. This is going to be painful. Love is painful. God’s love on the cross was painful. Love requires opening your heart, with the chance it might get broken. Oh but there is such beauty in brokenness. Such depth, refinement, healing and growth. Empty vessels are the ones He can fill and use - and pour out and use again and again. God allows brokenness - in the kids’ lives and in ours. You can trust Him with your heart. And if it gets broken, you can take time to heal. Take time to grieve and let your family grieve. Take as much time as you need before the next placement.

So what do you do if you start to get attached? Just pray. Pray. Pray for the kids to know they are deeply lovable and loved by God. Pray for you and the family they are going to to love them as much as possible. Pray for God to guard your hearts as much as He wants to. Pray for Him to heal your hearts when they get broken. Pray for God to teach you what He wants to about His deep sacrificial love. Pray for your heart to become more and more attached to Him."-Carrie Henry 

How Much Time?

      I've been thinking about time a lot this past week and it just hit me yesterday in a whole new way. Time really does matter epsically when you are talking about sharing the Lord with someone.  I'm apart of a lot of different groups/friends that have different things going on in their lives and I got to thinking about time. Lately, I have just been taking the time just to sit and relax whether it is for reading, writing, or even just talking to friends. We need to make time for that in today's world. Sad but true. We need to sit out that one or two volleyball games and just go sit the whole time and let people know you are there to talk and catch up or just to sit with them if need be. I've enjoyed that a lot lately.
       I really got to thinking though how much can a half a hour make to having 3 months and just 3 months with some people and it depends on the people. Half a hour for adults and 3 months for children. The time difference is much needed. There are even 6 months for international people here where I live because that is how long their project can only last here. Then there is the year limit for teachers. Have we really took in to consideration of what "having time" really means?
       A half a hour TV show can make a difference in people's life if you use it the right way. There might be hidden messages behind what they are doing or might not be but there are hidden messages all the time. It's just the question are they good ones or bad ones. For the people who put their time into that TV show are they using their time wisely? Are they meeting new people and spending time with them outside the TV show or just doing it to become famous? Just depends on how you look at it. A huntin' show can just be a huntin' show and can teach you about the land and how to hunt or it can teach you how to spend time with the people you love and in the places you love even if you don't get a deer that day or what not. Then we know a lot of old children's shows like Thomas the Train and others have lessons of character behind them too. If we look at today's tv shows do they really have lessons. I'm not dashing TV. I'm just saying how do we spend our time.
         Then there is a limit of only having 3 months with children. How are we going to spend those 3 months? Are we going to spend it just letting the children run around wild and not teaching them anything? Are we going to teach them how to behave and that they are loved no matter what they are like or how they behave? In my case and what I have been doing are we going to teach them about God's Love for them and see if that changing them in those 3 months instead of a certain program?
         Then there is the 6 months to 2 years limit for international here in the United States if they are here for just a project. Are we going to try and reach them for the Lord? Are we going to befriend them and show them God's Love and pray that they will grasp it before they leave so they can pass it on to people in their country? I'm part of a Nations Around Us groups at my church and that is what we are trying to do. We are going to different apartments in the area and just trying to build friendships with international people because other Americans are scared or don't think they want anything to do with us when really they do they are just as scared as we are though too.
          Then there is the year limit for teachers in the public schools. How much can you make a difference in a child's life in a year? I know you can make more then you can in 3 months but still for some of those children not enough espically when state and government has to step in on everything. Those children need to be taught everything now these days because they are not being taught anything at home but the government only cares about the core subjects and the tests at the end of the year that character of the children come later if ever. Sometimes even the safety of the children comes later. It sad to see that what I use to learn in 1st grade they are now starting to learn that in Kinder where that grade is suppose to be fun and get you use to the school setting.
           We hate to think it but we are all under a time limit because that is how life is ran. Day and night. Night and day. There is a time a purpose for everything under Heaven. There is a time to make everything beautiful and God will use that time. There might be a Part 2 of this this weekend if I have time because the famous verses from the Bible just came to mind but that would make this a long entery so I'll do another if I have time this weekend. How are you spending you time? Are you spending it for the Lord or for yourself?

    

God Wants or You Want?

     There is a question that has been weighing on my mind for the past couple of weeks now about just life and how I am doing. That question is: Am I doing what God wants me to do or what I want to do? A friend said, "You have to pray and figure out if it is something you want or God wants. That is the hardest part of this whole thing is putting your thoughts and feelings aside and only hearing God." My friend said this while I was in college because of a decision I felt like I needed to make and I asked that friend. It was a small decision now that I look back and read what I wrote and what my friend wrote back.
      When I got this answer I was in college thinking about not be a part of a leadership of a club anymore and now I look back and think how little that decision was compare to my life ahead of me. Never thought I would look back on it, 3 years down the road, and it would explain my life perfectly but it does right now. That is how I feel in the mist of everything. I do have a hard time putting my feelings aside. We are do because we are humans and the world is full of sin. Thinking about and for ourself is sin. It's pride. It's saying I'm fine where I am at and don't need to change and sometimes don't need God but that is not true.
      My friend goes on to say, "God is always changing and growing us, and it is good not to be comfortable, because if you are comfortable then you are not open to the change God could be making in you." I never want to be comfortable in this life because I want to go down the path God wants me to go down. I want to help children in situtions that are bad. I want to make a difference in their lives but I can only do that if I let God keep growing and changing me into who He made me to be. I know I am right now where I am at but I want to do so much more because it needs to be done. God is growing and changing me where I am. He is giving me the inside scoop so to say about what it could be like because before I had no idea but I feel like I still have a lot of growing and changing to do. You never stop learning in this field no matter where you are at in it. Every child is different but I love that about it.
      I say and write this because right now in my life, I have no idea what the next step is for me. I have ideas and they are scary but I want to do them so bad. So bad that right now my heart is tugging on the ideas and say start them now but I have no idea how to even start or where. I know this is something that God wants because I can't do it alone and that is usually a good sign that it is something God wants because He is needed in it. He wants it done and He wants to be apart of it too. Like I said at the beginning of this entery when I first asked the question it was something so small and I remember I know it means something but what. Well, God has been shown me lately that it wasn't really only meant for that thing but also for what I'm going through now and to depend on Him for everything now.
       My feelings right now are it is going to be scary and doubting God. Those are the main two along with some others for sure. I see what and how they are getting in the way. I'm not doing anything. I'm not expanding my knowlegde on the topic because I'm scared about what I will find out. I need to do that before I go on. I need to know where to really touch it. I'm asking and doubting God can I do this when I'm single? Can I do it at all? What about my job now? How will I get the things that I need for it? Who will help me? I'm asking and doubting His answers to all these questions when I know I shouldn't be deep down because if it is what He wants then He will take care and provide for everything.
       I usually don't like sharing personal things like this because I don't know how the friend would feel if they came across it or anyone for that matter but it is something that I've been using and thinking about a lot so I just thought about putting it out there.  People can also take this and learn from it too.

Loving Traditions

       I thought since it is the beginning of the Holiday season and many of us are starting in on those family traditions, I would talk about some of mine. Not just the holiday ones, I'm not going to talk about them at all but the every day ones. The ones you had when you were a little child and stopped doing now that you are an adult because you think there is no way you can carry on those traditions or still do them yourselves.
       I have a friend that is so big on traditions espically the ones their family passes down but my friend is so close to the family so it is understandable. I see through my friend that traditions aren't just the fun holiday ones that we have with family which that might be a big part they are also the little things we do with them to have fun. As I look back on my life as a child, I did things everyday that I wouldn't mind passing down to my children someday. I'm being transparent here kind of if you can't tell already. They don't even have to be my own children, they could for now just be the children I work with to show them that someone loves them. Little traditions like saying a prayer and reading the Bible every night to them or even just finding that time to spend with them.
       One little traditions I had when I was little and during the summers was I would go back to my old babysitters and spend a week with them after we have moved from that town but when we lived in that town they were my babysitters. I remember walking in their woods with them picking up acorns along the way. I would always collect the chicken's eggs. I would most of the time do my school shopping with them or at least some of it. My babysitter would show me the right way to set the table for guests and how to sew. Yes, I'm a country girl at heart if you don't know that by now. Like that country song says, "It's who I am." I want to pass that walking in the woods on to my children. I also feel like I got the "little" tradition of collecting teddy bears from my babysitter. Yes, I'm blaming her. :)
         Every summer with family we would go on a trip to Montana and go fishing and camping that was a tradition even though I didn't like it back then I regret not liking getting up so early on morning to go fish but I miss it a lot. We would even have a speical place in MO we would go fishing every so often mostly in the Spring. We were outdoors a lot. I really hope to pass that on to my children someday. It makes me feel good and calmer when I'm in God's Creation. A funny one I always complained about was going into Bass Pro Shops with my dad everytime we were around one but now I find myself going into a Cabels' just to calm down sometimes. Just a few walks around the store and I'm fine. Then family might makes newer ones when you become older like shopping for your birthday instead of actually getting presents because they have no idea what you would like now.
          Every summer when I was little I would go to church camp and I loved it. I'm thinking about working there for the 1st time since I've been a grown up and just having or starting that kind of tradition for myself is neat to see. God might give me the chance to make a different in another child's life where I'm learned the most about Him too. Just seeing the different of going as a child and teaching the children there now will be an amazing difference if I get to do it, which I hope I will. It's been something I've thought about a lot since moving to AR because I'm closer to the camp now.
          Then there are those holiday ones we miss like getting together on Thanksgiving and the guys would go hunt deer while the ladies would stay home and cook and having homemade noodles. Getting together on Christmas Eve at Grandma's house and opening presents. Sleeping under the Christmas tree with your siblings on Dec. 23rd with the Christmas tree lights on. This is not a holiday one but I remember getting Little Debbies cookies every time we would go to our grandma's house.
         Life does change a lot when growing up but if there is one thing I've learned is that I don't want to let go of my family traditions. I mean I know I can't have it right on the dot but I can get it as close as I can for my children someday and I want too. I want you to try and think of a tradition you could pass down to your children and do it. It is espically those little traditions that means the most. Time spent with family that means the most.

Little Girls Can Be Stubborn Too

       Sorry that I'm just now posting another entery it has been about a week again since I last wrote. A lot has been going on this past week in every way. I've had a lot on my mind that I've wanted to write but yet I have to go here and there and everywhere this week for different things. It has been busy at work too being short staffed for a few days and then having some children leave some knowing and some not knowing.
        My "sweet" little girl did leave yesterday and I was strong during the good byes but that strength came from God for sure because she said, "I will miss you" and started to cry. I said, "me too. Now, let's go" because I knew if I kept letting her hug me it would have been bad for everyone espically the two of us. I was about to cry I'll be honest. The past week though oddly enough before she left I got to see that she is a lot like me like my twin but at a young age. I'm stubborn for those of who you know me or can be in certain times and moments and she can be too. She will not talk about what was bothering her to me but to other people she would. She wanted things her way a lot this week and I wanted this my way like she would want to go somewhere and I wanted her to stay where she was.
        There are a few things that I found out about her that is a lot like me with her emations like how she handles them. She handles them the same way I handle mine even to this day I will admit. If I'm alone, I will cry my eyes out but if I'm around friends I will not. I make myself be strong and wait until I get by myself. When I get upset, I also clean my apartment or cook. She helped me fold clothes and stack the chairs one night after she got done throwing a fit to calm down. I called her, "Little Miss Tiffney" because we are that much alike but yet I have a perfect life compare to her. I have no right to throw my fits or cry or get mad but she does. I could tell one night this week that she was trying to keep from crying and I told her "It's okay to cry if you are sad or upset. I still do when friends treat me meanly or when I miss someone that I love." She replied back, "You do?" and I said "yeah".
         One night we talked about the Bible after we got done reading it. I told her to keep the Bible I gave her with her always and ask someone to read it to her. She said, "I will keep it in my dresser drawer because that is where it belongs." That same night we read like 4 stories from the Bible. They were "Jesus Blesses the Children", "Jonah and the Big Fish", "The Firey Furnace", and "A New Home". She was very interested in a picture of a river that had to red and it was in the middle of the story about how God turned the water to blood because the king wouldn't let his people go but she didn't want to read the whole story. She asked me, "How did He do that?" and I repiled, "I don't know sometimes God just do things that none of us can understand." She said, "He had a magic ward."
          It was funny because we read "Jonah" after "The Firey Furnace" and she commented, "He is going to send those people in the fire." I was thinking, "Only if you really knew, girly." Then we had a talk about the Firey Furnace and how God sent an angel so the 3 guys wouldn't get burned. We compared the pictures because there were only 3 guys on one page and then 4 on the other page. I asked her, "Why do you think there are 4 on this page?" She said, "One is an angel." She gave me a sticker of the cross and baby Jesus from who knows where two days in a row.
         One thing this big stubborn girl has learned is to pay attention to how children really do react to situations. See what helps them calm down and then do it whether people like it or not. I still need to learn how to talk to them and how to get things that are bothering them out in words too not just actions around me. I don't know why God gave me clarity in this little girl to see she can be stubborn and will do things so she doesn't have to talk about it. She has to keep busy just like me right at the end of when she was leaving. I hope and pray that I have planted some seed in her and that God will grow it because it is all in His Hands now. I can't do anymore things but prayer for her and you know I will. I could see her be a speaker on what she has been through to help others or a missionary type just like me.
           On to my next child or children that I need to win for God! :)

What does the Garden of Gethsemane Tell Me?

     I've been studying a lot about when Jesus prays in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46) and it is an eye opener compared to everything I have been thinking. God is taking my life and turning it for Him. I will admit I have tried to live for the world but that isn't working out so well. I've tried to get people on my side, to do my dream, to understand what I've seen but it hasn't been working out.
      God is saying, "Stop! and let me do the work! Can't you see what I have done with you and the people around you. Let me get your life in that way."  He has showed me one stop to getting to my dream or the big thing in my life that He wants me to do through this story and a friend's dream. I won't talk about my friend's dream on here because this entery should be more of a devo. type one. I got this idea from this story at a church I went to but I'm expanding on it and putting it to work in my life.
       Jesus took all of the disciples to the garden and told them to sit while He went and prayed. While he went to pray he took only 3 out of the 12 disciples with him to that spiecal spot to see what would happen. To see the big Plan unfold. He told those 3, Peter, James, and John, that His soul was distress and crushed. He wanted them there with Him to watch but yet Jesus went on a little more to where He could be alone to pray. He fall face down on the ground and prayed, "My Father! If it is possible let this cup of suffering me taken from me. Yet I want your Will to be done, not mine." Then He returned to the 3 and saw them asleep. He asked Peter, "Couldn't you stay awake and watch for me even one hour? Keep alert and Pray. Otherwise temptation with overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak."
          Jesus left 2 more times and both of those times the 3 disciples has fallen asleep. Those 2 times Jesus prayed the same prayer but different words, "Take this suffering from me but if it is Your will let it be." The 3rd time Jesus' betrayer was there and the disciples didn't even know.  How does this might apply to my life you might ask. Well, to my life it is about my dream and plan He has for me.
          We don't need the whole world helping us with our dreams, we might just need a few really close friends to help us get there and be apart of it if they have the same things in common. I just need a few people who believes in and what to change the same things I want to change for the better. My favorite part of these verses are "KEEP ALRET AND PRAY!" As Americans or people who live in America today, we need to do to that. Jesus was suffering big time and the disciples didn't notice. WHAT IF THE DISCIPLES DID NOTICE AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT? What if they helped Jesus with that problem? We have problems all around us today, big and small, we just need to keep our eyes open and alert.
         I like how the pastor at the church puts it espically for my job and ministry. If you ever get to the point of where you don't like what you are doing or feeling like Christ doesn't want you there anymore then you are sleeping. You should never get sleepy of what you are doing for Christ. Your heart should be awake and alert to what you can do and you could always do more. I never want to get sleepy in my ministry or life for that matter. There is always children I could be reaching for Christ in every way, shape, and form. There is always more I could be learning about children too because they are not a simple thing to get. Even if I have to spend some time by myself seeing these things and making my dream come true because I'm the only one in my circle that believes what I do about these children then I will be the only one until God sends some more people my way with the same thing in common. I do need to plan out everything first and it might mean I take a break and just be with God and have Him grow me and my dream.
        We need to be on our knees praying, "God, what would you have me do today?" or  "what would you have me do next? I'm realizing I'm getting sleepy here." We don't need to stay at a job just because of the money it pays or the position we get but sadly that is what it has come to and a lot of people aren't happy in life. Do you think this could be the reason? Something to think about for all of us. Are we in our job for the money or for Christ because He has put us there for a reason? KEEP ALRET AND PRAY. To me right now, that is the most important command beside loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind.
      

Staying in the States

      Here is the entery that I have promised in my last two enteries about staying where I am for now. Staying in AR was never in my dreams. I will admit when I was in high school even in college until my Sr. year. I thought AR never. I'll never live in that state or the city where Wal-Mart is based. With all the rumors that go around about AR. :) That hasn't been my experience at all. I love the state and might settle here. I mean I am in my 3rd year living in AR and I never thought I would last that long. Let's see if I can do 5 years. I was at my parents' home this past weekend and thinking about things and looking up different church camps that I could do this summer instead of going on a mission trip and my FAVORITE TV show got me thinking and has been encouraging me a lot. My job also going me thinking "I'm needed here."
         The things I have wrote about before this entery with my children really has gotten to me. I don't know if it God's way for me to see I belong here and that my traveling time might be up at least for a little bit. I see a need around me and I want to help it out. I have loved each of those little moments with my children I have now. I know there needs to be more foster homes around here because there are so many children without homes. It might be hard but it would be really rewarding. I never really had a place to call home. Yeah, I call SW MO my home and where I was raised but I didn't live there all my life. I never really had good friends that I still talk to today from the places I lived. The true first friends I have are my college friends. I wonder if it is time for me to really settle down find those friends that I have things in common with and maybe start something like my own business.
           I'm the kind of girl that if I see a need I go after it and see if I can help and this foster home thing has my name written all over it single or with a husband who knows but right now I'm where I need to be and I love it. I couldn't have it any other way. My family lives close by now and I can get away from the city if I need to out in the beautiful country near by or a National Park. I know more people too now whether they are people who work at Wal-Mart to people at church. I know that there is a real world out there and it needs help. It is a world of sin like the Bible says and God's people are the missionaries wherever God has set them down at.
            I will be seen through here but I got to thinking about when I started to travel and don't get me wrong I love to travel and it has been a dream of mine for years. I been to 4 different countries and been blessed to go to one country twice in a row. I started to travel when my grandpa and FFA advisor past away and I kind of started to wonder if that was not trying to get away from that. Trying to forget everything that happened there. I don't remember once not going somewhere whether another state or country after my advisor passed away. My FFA advisor would want me to settle and start something that makes a difference so would my grandpa, grandma, and granddad. They knew how much I love children and I have a plan that can help me write my dream come true and make it happen. I don't know why really but it did just hit me this week like that. Before that summer of my advisor passing, I worked at a summer church camp and it was hard to work but that was worth it too. I wonder what that would be like again. It would be neat to get involved in a ministry near by and help that grow in some way but right now that ministry is doing great on its own.
            I always would like to work at the camp that I grew up going to in MO so that might be a possiblity this summer or there is another one that looks like fun if they need my help but it is only for a week in the summer so I don't know about that one. Giving back to the children at the camp I use to go to growing up would be so much fun and a neat feeling and thing to see. See how it is growing because I haven't been there in years. That's my plan for the summer right now and for my life but who knows we serve a God that can change things in a second so we'll see what He does with my life because it is His, not mine.
          

I Want to be Like You When I Grow Up

      God showed me another reason to stay here in the lovely state of AR with all of its lovely people. :) This week has been hard on me as well as my little girl. I feel like I'm writing form a mission field which I sort of am but it is here in our own state. She has been fighting me every night trying to get her own way but I'm not letting it get to me. I know why she is trying to because I will rocked the other girls plus her and she wants all of my attention but can you blame her espically when she is leaving next week sometime but she doesn't know that. These children seem to know it in their body and show it through action but not words.
        I caught her two times this week just looking up at the ciling and holding me close like giving me a tight hug and sitting on my lap a lot. One night this week it was looking up at the ciling a few times and then giving me a tight hug like she never wants to let go. Then last night it was while she was in bed she didn't want to lay down and I knew something was wrong so I asked her and she looked like she was almost going to cry and she got in my lap for a little bit like she needed the comfort. This girl is searching and it is breaking my heart because I feel like I'm leaving her. I never wanted to get this close to a child because I know that when they leave they might want me and be mad about it and at me and never remember me afterwards.
        She wants me to say prayers and pray to God about her along with the other little girl in there. I have had the blessing of saying prayers with my little girls like they were my own. Praying that they would get rest for the next day, that God would watch over them, and for the one little girl she had something spiecal to say so I said that for her too to God. We read "The Scary Snake" and "An Angel Visits Mary" last night and she asked questions like, "What does it mean to disobey?" She was "scared" when Adam and Eve left the garden. She saw in the picture that they hid from God afterwards. She picked "An Angel Visits Mary" because she saw a picture of a girl saying a prayer and Mary was at the end of the story. The prayer was, "I will do what the Lord has given me to do."
        She is just like me though. Wanting to hide the Bible under her pillow, saying her prayers every night, reading the Bible every night, and staying up on Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas because she is too excited too go to sleep. I knew that she was even more like me last night because she said something that broke my heart if not already broke. She wanted to come back to where I work and work there so she could see me when she is all grown up and I was just thinking "Honey, I'm not going to stay here that long." :) The 1st child that has said that to me and I've been wanted a child to say that because the the teen staff gets all these letters back from the teens and of course we don't because preschoolers have no idea most of the time of what is going on. Hearing it though coming from a person's mouth is the best feeling ever.
         In a heartbeat, I would take her home if I could. It is strange you think about other children in other countries and pray for them and you have those certain ones after a mission trip to pray for but right now mine is right here in the state. She is a stubborn one (something we have in common too) and you just have to know how to make a deal with her yet make her think she thought of it. I know this is strange but lately more like this week I have felt God in the girls' bedroom. There is a feeling that connects us and I know it is God. I don't know why God sent her to me but I pray that I never get close to a child that I have her again because I know next week she better leave in the morning because I will start to cry at work if she leaves on my shift.
          The funny thing is other people do not see what I see in her because she is crazy throughout the day but that is because she is seeking attention and we can't give her the attention through the day but at bedtime we can and that is when we do it. Give each of them some time to talk it out. Talk about the day, what they are thinking, or just talk. She has given me a story to write about and I will after she leaves. I have learned a lot through and with her. I have learned and grown closer to God and how I want to raise my own children someday if God is willing and that being a stay at mom is and for me will be a ministry hopefully someday. Put all these enteries together and my prayers that I pray after I come home into a book and it will be amazing.