I Want to be Like You When I Grow Up

      God showed me another reason to stay here in the lovely state of AR with all of its lovely people. :) This week has been hard on me as well as my little girl. I feel like I'm writing form a mission field which I sort of am but it is here in our own state. She has been fighting me every night trying to get her own way but I'm not letting it get to me. I know why she is trying to because I will rocked the other girls plus her and she wants all of my attention but can you blame her espically when she is leaving next week sometime but she doesn't know that. These children seem to know it in their body and show it through action but not words.
        I caught her two times this week just looking up at the ciling and holding me close like giving me a tight hug and sitting on my lap a lot. One night this week it was looking up at the ciling a few times and then giving me a tight hug like she never wants to let go. Then last night it was while she was in bed she didn't want to lay down and I knew something was wrong so I asked her and she looked like she was almost going to cry and she got in my lap for a little bit like she needed the comfort. This girl is searching and it is breaking my heart because I feel like I'm leaving her. I never wanted to get this close to a child because I know that when they leave they might want me and be mad about it and at me and never remember me afterwards.
        She wants me to say prayers and pray to God about her along with the other little girl in there. I have had the blessing of saying prayers with my little girls like they were my own. Praying that they would get rest for the next day, that God would watch over them, and for the one little girl she had something spiecal to say so I said that for her too to God. We read "The Scary Snake" and "An Angel Visits Mary" last night and she asked questions like, "What does it mean to disobey?" She was "scared" when Adam and Eve left the garden. She saw in the picture that they hid from God afterwards. She picked "An Angel Visits Mary" because she saw a picture of a girl saying a prayer and Mary was at the end of the story. The prayer was, "I will do what the Lord has given me to do."
        She is just like me though. Wanting to hide the Bible under her pillow, saying her prayers every night, reading the Bible every night, and staying up on Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas because she is too excited too go to sleep. I knew that she was even more like me last night because she said something that broke my heart if not already broke. She wanted to come back to where I work and work there so she could see me when she is all grown up and I was just thinking "Honey, I'm not going to stay here that long." :) The 1st child that has said that to me and I've been wanted a child to say that because the the teen staff gets all these letters back from the teens and of course we don't because preschoolers have no idea most of the time of what is going on. Hearing it though coming from a person's mouth is the best feeling ever.
         In a heartbeat, I would take her home if I could. It is strange you think about other children in other countries and pray for them and you have those certain ones after a mission trip to pray for but right now mine is right here in the state. She is a stubborn one (something we have in common too) and you just have to know how to make a deal with her yet make her think she thought of it. I know this is strange but lately more like this week I have felt God in the girls' bedroom. There is a feeling that connects us and I know it is God. I don't know why God sent her to me but I pray that I never get close to a child that I have her again because I know next week she better leave in the morning because I will start to cry at work if she leaves on my shift.
          The funny thing is other people do not see what I see in her because she is crazy throughout the day but that is because she is seeking attention and we can't give her the attention through the day but at bedtime we can and that is when we do it. Give each of them some time to talk it out. Talk about the day, what they are thinking, or just talk. She has given me a story to write about and I will after she leaves. I have learned a lot through and with her. I have learned and grown closer to God and how I want to raise my own children someday if God is willing and that being a stay at mom is and for me will be a ministry hopefully someday. Put all these enteries together and my prayers that I pray after I come home into a book and it will be amazing.