God really worked on my first day back from my Christmas break. He got me in gear right from the start. I was so lost and confused because of children leaving and different people working but He got me where He need to be even before I went into work this morning without me knowing it. These are the verses that I wrote down before work and the ones above them if you look them up. It talks about how people are God's house and we should the good architect or carpenter. Hopefully, I was the Architect today. Here are the verses:
" Or, to put it another way, you are God’s house. Using the gift God gave me as a good architect, I designed blueprints; Apollos is putting up the walls. Let each carpenter who comes on the job take care to build on the foundation! Remember, there is only one foundation, the one already laid: Jesus Christ. Take particular care in picking out your building materials. Eventually there is going to be an inspection. If you use cheap or inferior materials, you’ll be found out. The inspection will be thorough and rigorous. You won’t get by with a thing. If your work passes inspection, fine; if it doesn’t, your part of the building will be torn out and started over. But you won’t be torn out; you’ll survive—but just barely."- 1st Cor. 3:9-15
Yeah, after you read that what do you think? You think nothing until you are with a bunch of children after Christmas and ringing in the New Year in some place other then their own home. You think nothing of it until all of them are drawing pictures of houses or having you drawing pictures of houses for them in all shape and sizes to 2 windows to 5 windows and 2 doors. With those houses, they are drawing people too on the other side of the paper. What now? I felt like God was telling me something and He probably was. I wonder what was going through each of those childrens' minds. Yeah, it was a chain reaction one wanted a house and so did the rest of them but still you wonder. They want to be home instead of at another place with strangers and new things things that are not their own.
Home is not where you live but where your heart truly is. It is where the people you love and care about you are. People might take care of you other places but you might not love or care for them. You might be there just because you have to. Some of these children never get to go back to their true home.
If that wasn't bad enough to show me that I shouldn't have left, I had a convo. with one of my little girls but really it was God have a convo. with her and me at the same time. Here is the convo. I had with the little girl:
Me: Why are you upset/sad?
Little Girl: Because I miss my mommy and daddy.
Me: Is there something else bothering you?
Little Girl: The dark.
Me: Why:
Little Girl: Because I'm scared of the dark.
Then we went into this convo. some parts I can't share.
Little Girl: They were crying when I left and so was I.
Me: Don't ever let someone make you feel like it's your fault. You are
a sweet little girl. It's not your felt that you left.
Little Girl: My brother was crying too.
Me: You are sweet and don't you forget it. You can share your feelings
but don't feel like it is your fault. They just made some bad choices. You
are sweet and beautiful no matter what and don't you ever forget that.
God was talking to me through that convo. too has I thought about it on the way home. I've been through a lot these past couple of months and year you could say. It comes and it goes depending on situations.
Me: I'm not beautiful enough, smart enough, or loud enough for them.
They just say things so they think I won't get mad at them.
God: You are beautiful in My Eyes.
Me: You left me alone when everything happened.
God: I didn't I died for you so you could live for me.
Me: Where are you now when I'm so confused and scared about things?
God: I'm right here beside you leading you every step of the way. I'm
with the children, through family and friends, and in My Creation. Just
listen and trust me.
Me: It is hard.
God: Trust Me and I will Lead you where I want you!
Me (saying this right now): I'll try.
God: Don't try! Do! Let Go and let Me have control this next year!
Me:________________________(thinking a lot about things)
Again, can't share all of it even with me with out sharing certain situations but you get the idea on both of the convos. and see the connection, right? Sorry there are two different sizes of text on this page.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Seeing Things in a Different Light
I can already tell 2014 is going to be a life changing year for me. I'm having the most relaxing time this week then I have in a long time not worrying about anything but yet I'm out trying to shoot a bow and arrow, shopping, cooking, sewing, and just being me out in the country. I wrote a testimony too about how a friend's TV show as changed my life and really I can't describe it in words. I've been thinking about and talking to my little brother that hunts and shoots and just seeing how much arrows costs gets to me. If you make a living out of hunting it does cost a lot of money.
It is a whole new way of life and strangely enough I like it. There are no words for a lot of my life right now and might not be for awhile. I'm still trying to firgure out where I belong in AR and what my boundaries should be. I don't have a settled life and yet I want one in AR. My dad said I could start looking for a house instead of my apartment down there and I want that but it is a big step for me. These days have been so busy but yet I loved doing everything. I love my job but at the same time I love the people I'm around now my family.
I guess it means a lot when you have family and friends that feel like family around you and I don't have that in AR yet. I have some but not ones that I can just call up and they would drop whatever they are doing and hang out or very few that will even see how I'm doing. I have no one near me like that. They all live at least a half a hour to a hour away. I need to set new and more boundaries because of my job times being so strange and I need to do what I love. I need to stop trying to be someone I'm not and enjoy who I am. So what if I'm that country, small town girl that loves to be outdoors and maybe even hunt in a great while. I can do that by myself if I need to. I don't need to eat out or go to the movie or spend money to enjoy doing things with friends.
I've tried for so many years to be a city girl because of the cities I have lived in but I'm nowhere near that. I might not fit in with my city friends and that is okay. My boundaries might be mostly country, simple way of living because that is who I am. I just wish I lived in the country right now and had some friends that I could go shooting with at a range and things like that. I miss it and right now I'm thinking about how much I regret not spending time with those types of people in high school because now it could get me a long way or be fun at least. I pushed too hard on most of them. I'm learning to let up a lot espically these past few months. When I get those boundaries set, my life is going to change I hope for the better and show who I really am.
I also learned this week that I would settle for anything when shopping or worry about what other people think like if I got home late and so on. I would let my mom pick out my clothes and if I had it with shopping I would just settle with those clothes. That is not good for me either. I don't want to just settle in life with anything or worry about anything. I want to work for what I want. I might have to work years for it and even wait for it but in the end it would be worth it and even more speical. Three things I'm not going to do in 2014: not going to settle for anything less then I want, not going to be a city girl, and worry. Three things I am going to do in 2014: work hard for what I want and/or wait for it, trust God, and be a country girl while learning to do new things like shoot a bow and arrow and a hunting gun. As they say in AR, I'm going to learn how to become a true AR girl. :)
It is a whole new way of life and strangely enough I like it. There are no words for a lot of my life right now and might not be for awhile. I'm still trying to firgure out where I belong in AR and what my boundaries should be. I don't have a settled life and yet I want one in AR. My dad said I could start looking for a house instead of my apartment down there and I want that but it is a big step for me. These days have been so busy but yet I loved doing everything. I love my job but at the same time I love the people I'm around now my family.
I guess it means a lot when you have family and friends that feel like family around you and I don't have that in AR yet. I have some but not ones that I can just call up and they would drop whatever they are doing and hang out or very few that will even see how I'm doing. I have no one near me like that. They all live at least a half a hour to a hour away. I need to set new and more boundaries because of my job times being so strange and I need to do what I love. I need to stop trying to be someone I'm not and enjoy who I am. So what if I'm that country, small town girl that loves to be outdoors and maybe even hunt in a great while. I can do that by myself if I need to. I don't need to eat out or go to the movie or spend money to enjoy doing things with friends.
I've tried for so many years to be a city girl because of the cities I have lived in but I'm nowhere near that. I might not fit in with my city friends and that is okay. My boundaries might be mostly country, simple way of living because that is who I am. I just wish I lived in the country right now and had some friends that I could go shooting with at a range and things like that. I miss it and right now I'm thinking about how much I regret not spending time with those types of people in high school because now it could get me a long way or be fun at least. I pushed too hard on most of them. I'm learning to let up a lot espically these past few months. When I get those boundaries set, my life is going to change I hope for the better and show who I really am.
I also learned this week that I would settle for anything when shopping or worry about what other people think like if I got home late and so on. I would let my mom pick out my clothes and if I had it with shopping I would just settle with those clothes. That is not good for me either. I don't want to just settle in life with anything or worry about anything. I want to work for what I want. I might have to work years for it and even wait for it but in the end it would be worth it and even more speical. Three things I'm not going to do in 2014: not going to settle for anything less then I want, not going to be a city girl, and worry. Three things I am going to do in 2014: work hard for what I want and/or wait for it, trust God, and be a country girl while learning to do new things like shoot a bow and arrow and a hunting gun. As they say in AR, I'm going to learn how to become a true AR girl. :)
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Joy Wherever We Are
I usually don't do two a day but there is a memory verse that has been hitting me a lot this Christmas season and I saw it again just now and and with it passing I wanted to/felt like I needed to share it. It is:
“And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."-Luke 2:8-10
I seem to be hearing and seeing a lot about Joy this month and I don't know why but it is hitting me too. We should be joyful and rejoicing that Jesus was born on this day. We should be happy with exceeding joy. We shouldn't be scared of what is in front of us though it might be scary. I know for me it is because I have no idea what is next but we should be joyful. We have a Savior that has been born for us and just for us. He wasn't born in a big castle or house.
He was born in a manger where animals eat from. He didn't have royal purple on his robe or nice clothes either. He was wrapped in white cloths. What I was just thinking was the cloths was white like He came to take our sins away and make us pure white. The cloths that He left in the grave were white too. He was wrapped when He was born and after he died in white cloths. He came to die so we might live. He loved us that much that He came down to this nasty earth and showed us how to live.
We sometimes go around not seeing that. Ok, a lot we go around forgetting it during the year. I like how a friend says it, "Jesus is the ONLY reason for the season." I would like to reword that a little bit though. I would like to change it to "Jesus is the ONLY reason that I live." I live for Him and no one else. My job might be hard and lives might be hard but we can always have joy and hope in the One who has us in His Hands.
He might find us in the darkest places like He was in the manger but He will get us out and give us joy. I was in a dark place around this time of year last year and a year later I'm loving it and honestly missing my kiddos. It is good to have relaxation time with family but I still miss them. I have a hard job and some days I am in the darkest places and hear the darkest stories from the children but I still stay strong and encourage them and pray for them and show them God's love while they are there. That is all I can do and God does the rest. I just have to trust Him and yes, it is hard at times espically if I really get hooked on some more then others which happens a lot but I'm learning to trust more and more everyday. Each child God puts in my life to teach me something about myself or Him.
One more thing about this verse: Jesus is our Shepherd. He is keeping watch over us and even the children. He knows our every thoughts and moves better then we do. We shouldn't be terrified because He is leading us in the Way He wants us to go if we will only trust Him like sheep trust their shepherd to more food and water. This is my Christmas message this Christmas. Again sorry I wrote two times today. I won't write again in the 27th or 28th.
“And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; He is Christ, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."-Luke 2:8-10
I seem to be hearing and seeing a lot about Joy this month and I don't know why but it is hitting me too. We should be joyful and rejoicing that Jesus was born on this day. We should be happy with exceeding joy. We shouldn't be scared of what is in front of us though it might be scary. I know for me it is because I have no idea what is next but we should be joyful. We have a Savior that has been born for us and just for us. He wasn't born in a big castle or house.
He was born in a manger where animals eat from. He didn't have royal purple on his robe or nice clothes either. He was wrapped in white cloths. What I was just thinking was the cloths was white like He came to take our sins away and make us pure white. The cloths that He left in the grave were white too. He was wrapped when He was born and after he died in white cloths. He came to die so we might live. He loved us that much that He came down to this nasty earth and showed us how to live.
We sometimes go around not seeing that. Ok, a lot we go around forgetting it during the year. I like how a friend says it, "Jesus is the ONLY reason for the season." I would like to reword that a little bit though. I would like to change it to "Jesus is the ONLY reason that I live." I live for Him and no one else. My job might be hard and lives might be hard but we can always have joy and hope in the One who has us in His Hands.
He might find us in the darkest places like He was in the manger but He will get us out and give us joy. I was in a dark place around this time of year last year and a year later I'm loving it and honestly missing my kiddos. It is good to have relaxation time with family but I still miss them. I have a hard job and some days I am in the darkest places and hear the darkest stories from the children but I still stay strong and encourage them and pray for them and show them God's love while they are there. That is all I can do and God does the rest. I just have to trust Him and yes, it is hard at times espically if I really get hooked on some more then others which happens a lot but I'm learning to trust more and more everyday. Each child God puts in my life to teach me something about myself or Him.
One more thing about this verse: Jesus is our Shepherd. He is keeping watch over us and even the children. He knows our every thoughts and moves better then we do. We shouldn't be terrified because He is leading us in the Way He wants us to go if we will only trust Him like sheep trust their shepherd to more food and water. This is my Christmas message this Christmas. Again sorry I wrote two times today. I won't write again in the 27th or 28th.
Christmas Eve with Children
One of these days I will get to enteries about me and more devos but I have one more I really want to share that just broke my heart last night. One of my little girls were just having a hard time yesterday. I try to leave her alone and let her cry it out but my heart couldn't take it on Christmas Eve. I took a break from all the work and let her sit in my lap a little while while watching a Christmas movie before bed.
After supper, she just broke down crying and screaming and wouldn't stop at all. We tried to leave her alone in a room where we could still watch her to see if she would calm down but it just kept getting worse and louder. I gave her a chance to go watch the movie by herself but that didn't work. I tried having her sit on my lap and that worked wonders. She just needed that one on one time at Christmas but I don't blame her at all.
I rocked her to sleep and had a little talk to her before bed and she said that she missed her mommy and daddy and told me some other things that I can't say on here but it makes you wonder sometimes what goes through those children's minds. It makes you wonder the things that they see too. I will never understand it but God does and I can only do so much in 3 months and I have to trust that God will do the rest. It is sad because I'm off the rest of this week and she leaves soon after this week.
Sometimes I think that I would love to just be a fly in a house of these children to see what was really going on. I chose a fly because if I was a person I would really have to control myself. No kid should ever be treated like these children are. It was hard for me to leave last night and to come to my parents today. I just wanted to see the faces on their faces when they opened their presents but maybe next year. It was sad too because yesterday was just another day for them. I tried to make it Christmasy by stamping with Christmas stamps and putting a Christmas movie but it just isn't the same without a family. We had cookies to cut out and bake but we didn't get to that because there was only 2 staff to do both preschool and babies/toddlers.
That little girl made me wonder does she know what it feels like to have Christmas with her parents. Does she remember and if she does is that why she is upset? I'm sure it is. The sad thing too though is that she didn't want to call them last night either. She is really upset about something when that happens. This is another little girl that I could take home with me espically after what she told me last night. Let's just say it was another Heaven story like the little girl before her. I don't want to take a long time to write on here today but I just wanted to tell you all what my Christmas Eve was like where I work and this was it. The most hard yet speical moments for me because hopefully I was giving them a present last night by being there for them.
After supper, she just broke down crying and screaming and wouldn't stop at all. We tried to leave her alone in a room where we could still watch her to see if she would calm down but it just kept getting worse and louder. I gave her a chance to go watch the movie by herself but that didn't work. I tried having her sit on my lap and that worked wonders. She just needed that one on one time at Christmas but I don't blame her at all.
I rocked her to sleep and had a little talk to her before bed and she said that she missed her mommy and daddy and told me some other things that I can't say on here but it makes you wonder sometimes what goes through those children's minds. It makes you wonder the things that they see too. I will never understand it but God does and I can only do so much in 3 months and I have to trust that God will do the rest. It is sad because I'm off the rest of this week and she leaves soon after this week.
Sometimes I think that I would love to just be a fly in a house of these children to see what was really going on. I chose a fly because if I was a person I would really have to control myself. No kid should ever be treated like these children are. It was hard for me to leave last night and to come to my parents today. I just wanted to see the faces on their faces when they opened their presents but maybe next year. It was sad too because yesterday was just another day for them. I tried to make it Christmasy by stamping with Christmas stamps and putting a Christmas movie but it just isn't the same without a family. We had cookies to cut out and bake but we didn't get to that because there was only 2 staff to do both preschool and babies/toddlers.
That little girl made me wonder does she know what it feels like to have Christmas with her parents. Does she remember and if she does is that why she is upset? I'm sure it is. The sad thing too though is that she didn't want to call them last night either. She is really upset about something when that happens. This is another little girl that I could take home with me espically after what she told me last night. Let's just say it was another Heaven story like the little girl before her. I don't want to take a long time to write on here today but I just wanted to tell you all what my Christmas Eve was like where I work and this was it. The most hard yet speical moments for me because hopefully I was giving them a present last night by being there for them.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Comfort that They Need
You don't realize how blessed and nice it is to be with family after you have spent it with people and children who don't have a family to spend the hoildays with. I'm sure there will be more about after today on this same topic but I just had to share what happened yesterday. I got 3 presents and for me that is a lot and keeps me busy. Those presents aren't material things but children who need to be loved on. I had 3 situtations that I had to comfort children yesterday and some just broke my heart.
The first one wasn't too bad. It was just one of my little boys coming back from a visit and he needed encouragement to go play with the children once he got back. He was "away" for a second but he got over it really fast. The other one was my normal little girl that I talk to and comfort a lot lately. It seems she likes to be by herself more and more. I had to comfort her after something that she got to do and then at bedtime when she would not go to bed for the other teacher. She threw one of the biggest fits that I've seen yet from her but when I was rocking her she was fine and calmed down. That same girl told one of the other teachers that someone was in Heaven and that is why she was upset but she didn't say who. I'm so mad at myself because this is a replay of the little girl before her and I should have known how to handle it. This girl is more emtional and reserved then the last one I think. What is strange though is that she is sleeping in the same bed as the girl before her with the same problem.
You get all these little problems before the holidays because parents want to see their children or talk to them and wish them a merry Christmas but they don't realize how hard it is on the children. There is a lot of emations going on throughout the place and even for me because how I wish I could take them home tommrow and give them each a present even though they will get a lot there tommrow. It is the family setting that means the most to me and it should to everyone too.
Then my other present was one of the other little girls woke up from her sleep crying. I went into the bedroom to see what was the matter and she said to me "I want you" and gave me a hug. We talked a little while about what scared her in her dreams to tinkerbell because that is what made her happy. Sometimes though I wonder what goes on in their minds because this little girl I'm scared that she has watch too many scary movies and video games about killing and zombies and such. This little girl reminded me of another little girl that I had and they were in the same bed too. She reminded me of her because we started to talk about the dargonflies on the wall and the other little girl would do that when she was scared too to get her mind off of things.
I'm starting to see another pattern for them and for me. I might be the shy one in the bunch, in the whole building, but I'm the most caring and understanding one. I am also shy because I'm the most determined one too and you can't talk much when you have your mind set to something. I'm can be the most sassy one when you get to know me and I open up a lot but it takes a lot of trust for me to get there with some, most people. To be honest, I wouldn't want to spend the day before Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve any other way.
I keep thinking about my grandma and grandad that passed away. We would spend Christmas Eve at their house every year but now I'm spending it with children who needs it spent with and I know that would mean a lot to the both of them espically grandma. Doing what I love and working hard at it. I guess you can say I grew up in a family that hard work was the only way, well not really, but one of the ways to get what you want and here I am. It is by no means an easy job but I love it too death.
The first one wasn't too bad. It was just one of my little boys coming back from a visit and he needed encouragement to go play with the children once he got back. He was "away" for a second but he got over it really fast. The other one was my normal little girl that I talk to and comfort a lot lately. It seems she likes to be by herself more and more. I had to comfort her after something that she got to do and then at bedtime when she would not go to bed for the other teacher. She threw one of the biggest fits that I've seen yet from her but when I was rocking her she was fine and calmed down. That same girl told one of the other teachers that someone was in Heaven and that is why she was upset but she didn't say who. I'm so mad at myself because this is a replay of the little girl before her and I should have known how to handle it. This girl is more emtional and reserved then the last one I think. What is strange though is that she is sleeping in the same bed as the girl before her with the same problem.
You get all these little problems before the holidays because parents want to see their children or talk to them and wish them a merry Christmas but they don't realize how hard it is on the children. There is a lot of emations going on throughout the place and even for me because how I wish I could take them home tommrow and give them each a present even though they will get a lot there tommrow. It is the family setting that means the most to me and it should to everyone too.
Then my other present was one of the other little girls woke up from her sleep crying. I went into the bedroom to see what was the matter and she said to me "I want you" and gave me a hug. We talked a little while about what scared her in her dreams to tinkerbell because that is what made her happy. Sometimes though I wonder what goes on in their minds because this little girl I'm scared that she has watch too many scary movies and video games about killing and zombies and such. This little girl reminded me of another little girl that I had and they were in the same bed too. She reminded me of her because we started to talk about the dargonflies on the wall and the other little girl would do that when she was scared too to get her mind off of things.
I'm starting to see another pattern for them and for me. I might be the shy one in the bunch, in the whole building, but I'm the most caring and understanding one. I am also shy because I'm the most determined one too and you can't talk much when you have your mind set to something. I'm can be the most sassy one when you get to know me and I open up a lot but it takes a lot of trust for me to get there with some, most people. To be honest, I wouldn't want to spend the day before Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve any other way.
I keep thinking about my grandma and grandad that passed away. We would spend Christmas Eve at their house every year but now I'm spending it with children who needs it spent with and I know that would mean a lot to the both of them espically grandma. Doing what I love and working hard at it. I guess you can say I grew up in a family that hard work was the only way, well not really, but one of the ways to get what you want and here I am. It is by no means an easy job but I love it too death.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Being a Voice for the Children
Yesterday was just another day with blessings pouring in from right and left. It was sad blessings most of them but it helped me understand the children more. I'm starting to see to that I can love all the children at once but I can only really focus on one one at a time like really talk to them and hold them at night, which is sad. I need more arms to hold all of them and mind space and ears to listen and take in everything they are saying.
Start out with the good one that happened to me. I think one of my little girls will be a real encourager if she gets with the right family. She says the sweetest things that are so encouraging even to us grown ups. It was the same girl that called me adorable Weds. that called me sweet yesterday. I just want to take this one home with me but can't. She keeps telling me that she loves me every time during bath like 3 or 4 times and then adds something like "you're sweet" on the middle of it.
Then I saw where my understanding came in twice yesterday and it was good and then bad. The good one was that one of my boys were having a melt down over what we thought was nothing at all but to him it was a big something. We tried everything that we were told to do with him and when he behaves the way he did but it didn't work. Finilly I thought about how some people don't like their food touching because it could be OCD or part of Autism. Well, this little boy did not what his gravy on his busicut at supper time. We had breakfast for supper. That was the only thing touching each other on his plate and when we got a plain busicut he stopped having the melt down.
The other thing that took my understanding was with a little girl. She has been really stubborn and throwing fits a lot more lately but loves to be the big helper. I'm learning that the stubborn ones like to be the helpers because it gets their minds off of things. She threw herself down on the floor at bedtime because she wasn't the first one that was going to get rocked. I changed my mind because I felt like she need to talk about her feeling so I did rock her and talk to her about how she was feeling and why she was feeling that way. I asked questions like: How are you feeling?, Why are you feeling that way?, and What made you feel that way?. She explained it to me and what she mainly said was that her daddy lost her and that is why she felt mad. I told her that she needs to try and use her words to tell the teachers how she feels instead of throwing her fits so we know how to help because we want to help her feel happy and have fun where she is now.
I see a pattern here for myself too lately. I have the patience to deal and work with the ones that can't or won't speak for themselves. I'm there to encourage those type of children because I know what it feels like to not speak for myself or having a hard time talking because people can't understand me as well. I see me in some of those fit throwing segments even though I had a great amazing life compared to these children. I had a hard life at the same time because of who I was and how God made me. It wasn't anyone's fault it was just how I was made. Couldn't speak right and very easily upset. I remember when I was young that I would get so upset because no one would understand me so they didn't know what I wanted and that was just the way I was born. I have a great family and they tried so many things but it was just the lineage and the way God put things in order for me and I'm glad He did because now I can reach a lot more children this way. My family taught me compassion and love and through everything I had to learn patience with myself which is rolling over now. They also listen when I have a problem if I'm not to stubborn to go ask for help with it.
I see that some people give up too easily with those children who can't talk or have a hard time talking so I take over to see what I can do. Sometimes all they might not is calm talking to or a listening ear which I have. Sometimes I think if I shouldn't have a higher job like a case manger or social worker where I could really speak for them and be their voice. We'll see I like where I am right now though so I'll stay. :)
Start out with the good one that happened to me. I think one of my little girls will be a real encourager if she gets with the right family. She says the sweetest things that are so encouraging even to us grown ups. It was the same girl that called me adorable Weds. that called me sweet yesterday. I just want to take this one home with me but can't. She keeps telling me that she loves me every time during bath like 3 or 4 times and then adds something like "you're sweet" on the middle of it.
Then I saw where my understanding came in twice yesterday and it was good and then bad. The good one was that one of my boys were having a melt down over what we thought was nothing at all but to him it was a big something. We tried everything that we were told to do with him and when he behaves the way he did but it didn't work. Finilly I thought about how some people don't like their food touching because it could be OCD or part of Autism. Well, this little boy did not what his gravy on his busicut at supper time. We had breakfast for supper. That was the only thing touching each other on his plate and when we got a plain busicut he stopped having the melt down.
The other thing that took my understanding was with a little girl. She has been really stubborn and throwing fits a lot more lately but loves to be the big helper. I'm learning that the stubborn ones like to be the helpers because it gets their minds off of things. She threw herself down on the floor at bedtime because she wasn't the first one that was going to get rocked. I changed my mind because I felt like she need to talk about her feeling so I did rock her and talk to her about how she was feeling and why she was feeling that way. I asked questions like: How are you feeling?, Why are you feeling that way?, and What made you feel that way?. She explained it to me and what she mainly said was that her daddy lost her and that is why she felt mad. I told her that she needs to try and use her words to tell the teachers how she feels instead of throwing her fits so we know how to help because we want to help her feel happy and have fun where she is now.
I see a pattern here for myself too lately. I have the patience to deal and work with the ones that can't or won't speak for themselves. I'm there to encourage those type of children because I know what it feels like to not speak for myself or having a hard time talking because people can't understand me as well. I see me in some of those fit throwing segments even though I had a great amazing life compared to these children. I had a hard life at the same time because of who I was and how God made me. It wasn't anyone's fault it was just how I was made. Couldn't speak right and very easily upset. I remember when I was young that I would get so upset because no one would understand me so they didn't know what I wanted and that was just the way I was born. I have a great family and they tried so many things but it was just the lineage and the way God put things in order for me and I'm glad He did because now I can reach a lot more children this way. My family taught me compassion and love and through everything I had to learn patience with myself which is rolling over now. They also listen when I have a problem if I'm not to stubborn to go ask for help with it.
I see that some people give up too easily with those children who can't talk or have a hard time talking so I take over to see what I can do. Sometimes all they might not is calm talking to or a listening ear which I have. Sometimes I think if I shouldn't have a higher job like a case manger or social worker where I could really speak for them and be their voice. We'll see I like where I am right now though so I'll stay. :)
Thursday, December 19, 2013
God's Gift of a Day
It always seems like the little gifts that are unnoticed during a plain day is noticed during a really busy day or at least to me that is how it seems. I had a busy day at work yesterday but it was God's present to me because I haven't had a day like that in a long time. One little sweet thing happened one after the other and I got to know the children more and love on them more it felt like. I had 3 amazing things happen to me yesterday and it just made my day. Some of the things were just trying to make a different in the child's life too and I got joy from that as well.
One was from a little girl when I was putting her pjs on her before bed. She hugged and kissed me. She also said, "I love you, Miss Tiffney" a muiltple of times and she also said, in those middle of I love yous, "You're adorable." Just broke my heart to hear that from a little girl. It was complient after complient from her while getting her pjs on. Then I was rocking another little girl to bed and she was very talkative before bed. She told me all of about her mommy, daddy, and pink fish. She was talking really fast and like she wanted to get it out of her mind. For this little girl, it was the first time that she talked non-stop to me before bed because usually she wouldn't. She would just be quite but not last night so I'm hoping and praying I'm getting somewhere with her.
Another sweet moment but sad moment I had with a little boy. He was in time out because he didn't stop what he was doing and he was told a lot of times to stop it and he was warned. He sat by himself for a little awhile quitely but then he started to say, "I won't be a bad boy anymore" and hearing that just broke my heart so I had to go over and explain to him why he was sitting there alone. I told him, "You are not a bad boy and we don't think that here. Your actions and what you do are bad. You made bad choices. We don't do this and that but we do do this and that. You aren't a bad boy." He was trying to hug me to get out of time out before the talk but I made him sit while I talked to him.
Another moment was when I found out something about one of my little boys that I didn't know. I feel like God gave me that moment to do something about it. I've been wanting to do another ministry on my own and now I know where to start because of this little boy but I just have to go see if I can start it there. It was like God saying, "Here is one of your answers" but yet it was so sad to hear the little boy say it like he did.
All of this during and after an outing with the children. Yes, it was really a busy day for us. I hope my next 4 days before Christmas there is like yesterday was. I hope God keep giving me presents every day. I just need to be on the outlook for them. :)
One was from a little girl when I was putting her pjs on her before bed. She hugged and kissed me. She also said, "I love you, Miss Tiffney" a muiltple of times and she also said, in those middle of I love yous, "You're adorable." Just broke my heart to hear that from a little girl. It was complient after complient from her while getting her pjs on. Then I was rocking another little girl to bed and she was very talkative before bed. She told me all of about her mommy, daddy, and pink fish. She was talking really fast and like she wanted to get it out of her mind. For this little girl, it was the first time that she talked non-stop to me before bed because usually she wouldn't. She would just be quite but not last night so I'm hoping and praying I'm getting somewhere with her.
Another sweet moment but sad moment I had with a little boy. He was in time out because he didn't stop what he was doing and he was told a lot of times to stop it and he was warned. He sat by himself for a little awhile quitely but then he started to say, "I won't be a bad boy anymore" and hearing that just broke my heart so I had to go over and explain to him why he was sitting there alone. I told him, "You are not a bad boy and we don't think that here. Your actions and what you do are bad. You made bad choices. We don't do this and that but we do do this and that. You aren't a bad boy." He was trying to hug me to get out of time out before the talk but I made him sit while I talked to him.
Another moment was when I found out something about one of my little boys that I didn't know. I feel like God gave me that moment to do something about it. I've been wanting to do another ministry on my own and now I know where to start because of this little boy but I just have to go see if I can start it there. It was like God saying, "Here is one of your answers" but yet it was so sad to hear the little boy say it like he did.
All of this during and after an outing with the children. Yes, it was really a busy day for us. I hope my next 4 days before Christmas there is like yesterday was. I hope God keep giving me presents every day. I just need to be on the outlook for them. :)
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Boundaries
I'm thinking and going to be learning a lot about boundaries in the New year and try and set some for me to get my life under my control along with God. It will be a process. How I wish I could be on a mission trip doing this but it is good either way. You will see a lot of enteries here about boundaries because I am reading the book called "Boundaries: When to say Yes, when to Say No To Take Control of Your Life". It is by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It has some pretty good points and verses from the Bible so I will be using those as enteries maybe to tell what they mean to me.
I've already come across Gen. 1:28 where it says that we must do what the Lord has given us on this earth to do. To subdue this earth and name every living creature and thing but that was Adam's job and purpose here on the earth from God. God has a plan for each one of like that though we just need to follow Him for it. As my friend sums up this verse, "Have Dominion". That means to me take control of what God has for you in this life so you can be happy in the next. You are the only person that can have dominion over your life with God's help of course. You are the only one that can set the boundaries inside and out.
I can't wait to get started with the book and I think the book would be great for any small Bible study to do because it is just about life and how boundaries go with it. Boundaries are nothing to be scared of or run away from. God talks about boundaries and does boundaries a lot in the Bible. Something that the book already pointed out to me was that God said he was apart fro everything in this world when it was made. Another thing was that The Tinity is three person: Father, Son, and Holy Gost but they each doing different things in their own way and they can only do so much for us. They have their boundaries too. Just think if the Holy Gost had no boundaries, what would that be like?
God set boundaries for Adam and Eve and did they follow them. No and look at what happened. They can sent out to be on their our. No more close time with God hearing Him talk or seeing Him walk in the garden with them. They were cast out of the garden. Boundaries are a good thing but so often the church teaches them as a bad thing by being selfish or just teaching them for dating/boyfriends when really they have to do with all of your life not just that part. The little things we do everyday is a boundary choice one way or the other. Good or bad. The verse in Proverbs where it says to "watch our hearts for it is the well spring of life". That means sat boundaries around it of all kinds so that good and joyful things can come out of it instead of bad things.
This is only the start of what I have learned about boundaries by reading that book. I hope you keep looking for more enteries and not only enjoy them but will walk through this jounary with me and I could use some encouragement too if you feel like giving some. :) I hope this will change your life like I'm hoping it will change mine within the next year.
I've already come across Gen. 1:28 where it says that we must do what the Lord has given us on this earth to do. To subdue this earth and name every living creature and thing but that was Adam's job and purpose here on the earth from God. God has a plan for each one of like that though we just need to follow Him for it. As my friend sums up this verse, "Have Dominion". That means to me take control of what God has for you in this life so you can be happy in the next. You are the only person that can have dominion over your life with God's help of course. You are the only one that can set the boundaries inside and out.
I can't wait to get started with the book and I think the book would be great for any small Bible study to do because it is just about life and how boundaries go with it. Boundaries are nothing to be scared of or run away from. God talks about boundaries and does boundaries a lot in the Bible. Something that the book already pointed out to me was that God said he was apart fro everything in this world when it was made. Another thing was that The Tinity is three person: Father, Son, and Holy Gost but they each doing different things in their own way and they can only do so much for us. They have their boundaries too. Just think if the Holy Gost had no boundaries, what would that be like?
God set boundaries for Adam and Eve and did they follow them. No and look at what happened. They can sent out to be on their our. No more close time with God hearing Him talk or seeing Him walk in the garden with them. They were cast out of the garden. Boundaries are a good thing but so often the church teaches them as a bad thing by being selfish or just teaching them for dating/boyfriends when really they have to do with all of your life not just that part. The little things we do everyday is a boundary choice one way or the other. Good or bad. The verse in Proverbs where it says to "watch our hearts for it is the well spring of life". That means sat boundaries around it of all kinds so that good and joyful things can come out of it instead of bad things.
This is only the start of what I have learned about boundaries by reading that book. I hope you keep looking for more enteries and not only enjoy them but will walk through this jounary with me and I could use some encouragement too if you feel like giving some. :) I hope this will change your life like I'm hoping it will change mine within the next year.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Light in the Dark Valley
The sermon at my church this morning was amazing. They talked about how God sent His Son into a Dark world. They showed us with the lights by turning them off and on and everything. We don't think much about the lights we put up on our houses or trees but we should and this sermon got me thinking about it a new way. Lights around Christmas is to light up everything whether house or tree. God made a plan for us to be saved and to be the light for Him when Jesus went to Heaven.
They metioned Matthew 5 where it says we are meant to be the light now for God because Jesus died on the cross. Jesus passed that job onto us. They also meationed a lot about the dark valley of death and that God came to light that path up too. I loved it when they said the people of faith had to cross that valley into the Light. God had a plan for us so we could do that. His Plan was talked about in the Old Testament but happened in the New testament. God already had it planned out for us to cross that dark valley. He knew that we were going to come across it in our lives.
That got me thinking about where I am in my life right now. I've been talking about boundaries and planning and how I need to do those things are keep with it so my dream can happen whatever that may be. It is funny how it shows us in the Bible how to do that. How God did it for the perfect thing to happen for us. He planned it out and it happened. It took hard work and determination or it would for us at least but we can do it. God plans a lot of things out from forming the Earth to Jesus dieing on the cross for us so where do we get that we can just takes things and go with it without boundaries.
I don't know Jesus at all but this is just a guess. Wouldn't it be neat to be like Him and have no boundaries at all? Well, I guess that would be wrong He had boundaries but they were God's boundaries not the world's. Not being held down by the law to do anything. Some boundaries are good and we need them to get us on the right path and keep us safe but they need to be God's boundaries for us. Just think if Jesus let the other kings control Him then he wouldn't be able to do half of the work He did. He knew His boundaries what He was able to show and not show and He followed them. He followed them to the dark valley of death but it was all worth it in the end. He had faith in His Father. We might need to go through a dark valley of death to see what is on the other side for us. We might need to learn more and give up more but they should only draw us closer to God and then we can let our Light shine for Him on the other side. That is how the people/man of faith came to be man of faith. They had some hard times but they put their hope and trust in God and went onwards.
I might be going out on a limb here but dieing on the cross was His Purpose for His Life. He did everything to lead to that. I'm sure Jesus made some scarifices too like no home, only few close friends, no family, and much more I'm sure. We can't just go about our lives aimlessly and not do anything about it whether big or small there is always a purpose for us and it needs boundaries.
I have a friend doing great at their job and I remember hanging out with or wanting to hang out with that friend during college and they would want to take everything as is or whenever they had time for it but I think now going through and making their dream come true they realize it is all in the planning and scarfices and boundaries made. Nothing happens when you just go with it. That friend has learned a lot this past year and it shows in their job. Their light for Christ does shine through everything they do and it is amazing to see. It just encourages me more and more to do what God wants me to do the way He wants me to do it. If that means setting boundaries so do it. It will all be worth it in the end someday! Right now, I want to be the Light for God! I want to shine for Him not for anyone or anything else!
They metioned Matthew 5 where it says we are meant to be the light now for God because Jesus died on the cross. Jesus passed that job onto us. They also meationed a lot about the dark valley of death and that God came to light that path up too. I loved it when they said the people of faith had to cross that valley into the Light. God had a plan for us so we could do that. His Plan was talked about in the Old Testament but happened in the New testament. God already had it planned out for us to cross that dark valley. He knew that we were going to come across it in our lives.
That got me thinking about where I am in my life right now. I've been talking about boundaries and planning and how I need to do those things are keep with it so my dream can happen whatever that may be. It is funny how it shows us in the Bible how to do that. How God did it for the perfect thing to happen for us. He planned it out and it happened. It took hard work and determination or it would for us at least but we can do it. God plans a lot of things out from forming the Earth to Jesus dieing on the cross for us so where do we get that we can just takes things and go with it without boundaries.
I don't know Jesus at all but this is just a guess. Wouldn't it be neat to be like Him and have no boundaries at all? Well, I guess that would be wrong He had boundaries but they were God's boundaries not the world's. Not being held down by the law to do anything. Some boundaries are good and we need them to get us on the right path and keep us safe but they need to be God's boundaries for us. Just think if Jesus let the other kings control Him then he wouldn't be able to do half of the work He did. He knew His boundaries what He was able to show and not show and He followed them. He followed them to the dark valley of death but it was all worth it in the end. He had faith in His Father. We might need to go through a dark valley of death to see what is on the other side for us. We might need to learn more and give up more but they should only draw us closer to God and then we can let our Light shine for Him on the other side. That is how the people/man of faith came to be man of faith. They had some hard times but they put their hope and trust in God and went onwards.
I might be going out on a limb here but dieing on the cross was His Purpose for His Life. He did everything to lead to that. I'm sure Jesus made some scarifices too like no home, only few close friends, no family, and much more I'm sure. We can't just go about our lives aimlessly and not do anything about it whether big or small there is always a purpose for us and it needs boundaries.
I have a friend doing great at their job and I remember hanging out with or wanting to hang out with that friend during college and they would want to take everything as is or whenever they had time for it but I think now going through and making their dream come true they realize it is all in the planning and scarfices and boundaries made. Nothing happens when you just go with it. That friend has learned a lot this past year and it shows in their job. Their light for Christ does shine through everything they do and it is amazing to see. It just encourages me more and more to do what God wants me to do the way He wants me to do it. If that means setting boundaries so do it. It will all be worth it in the end someday! Right now, I want to be the Light for God! I want to shine for Him not for anyone or anything else!
Saturday, December 14, 2013
God Sent Us This Snow For a Reason
I know most of you are already reading my title and are like "you got to be kidding me about this." If you really stop and think about it though, He did and that reason was to slow down at this time of year. I feel like I am behind on my Christmas shopping and parties and everything else that has to do with Christmas but yet I spent this last week more then any other way caring like I should. Taking time for God like I should and it's not just through the present and it won't be this week either. I feel like I'm rushing to get things done but I shouldn't be. Yeah, I'm rushing to get the pysical things done but what about my spirit and God. Do I remember the true meaning of it and resting in that? Am I happy with that when all the present are gone and all I have is family and friends to go to?
You know maybe it is harder on me this year too because I don't feel like we need the material things in life. I spent almost a year with children who don't have much and here we are at Christmas time buying more. Maybe I don't care to buy more nonsense things. I didn't even make a good Christmas list this year. It had mostly books and CDs on it. Guess what the books were about, children that have been abused or negeteled.
God gave us this snow to make us slow down and think about the real meaning of Christmas in a world that is so busy today. Here we are going places and thinking about what to get others when really we should just slow down. The snow is God's sign to us saying, "Stay in and spend time with me." or in my case you will get sick. It could also be like I'm trying to make it to work but the drive is so long and slow and I feel like I waste time because I get there a half a hour early because the roads were better then I thought.
Even though, I love my job and there is no place I would rather be. I really regret not staying in on some of those snow days and just enjoy time alone and with God. The snow is really beautiful when we take the time to see it for what it is with the sun beaming down and children playing in it. It is pure white like we are in Christ and therefore, no matter what we are doing we are pure in Him. It's strange because God has been teaching me boundaries and like I've said before this snow and job are helping me learn those but at the same time it is hard because I want and do care about the children but then there is my family and friends I don't want to forget about.
It is crazy how people complained that we didn't get snow last year and now they are complaining that we are. It just goes to show you that we can't be happy with anything of this world. We want it one way or the other. I understand it can be dangerous trust me after going into a ditch this past week I know but that will never mess with my perspective of snow. I was safe and my car got a little dent in it and I know some people aren't that lucky or blessed but they don't have to be mean to everyone else. Maybe they should have slowed down both on the road and in life or one or the other.
People complain about the snow when really we should look at it as God's way of telling us to slow down and take time for Him and His Gift. Snow is really a gift at any time no matter what you have to do in it because no matter where you are it slows things down at least a little bit if not all the way. I've always loved the snow and winter time. I've been and am a snow baby being born in December 7 days after winter starts.
All I'm trying to say is just spend time with your family and friends this season remembering the true meaning of Christmas because at least you are blessed enough to have those things in your life. Even if it means that God has to send snow to make us spend time with them, let's enjoy it to the fullest. This enterty might be a little too forwards but it has been what I've been thinking lately. I hope it makes sense too.
You know maybe it is harder on me this year too because I don't feel like we need the material things in life. I spent almost a year with children who don't have much and here we are at Christmas time buying more. Maybe I don't care to buy more nonsense things. I didn't even make a good Christmas list this year. It had mostly books and CDs on it. Guess what the books were about, children that have been abused or negeteled.
God gave us this snow to make us slow down and think about the real meaning of Christmas in a world that is so busy today. Here we are going places and thinking about what to get others when really we should just slow down. The snow is God's sign to us saying, "Stay in and spend time with me." or in my case you will get sick. It could also be like I'm trying to make it to work but the drive is so long and slow and I feel like I waste time because I get there a half a hour early because the roads were better then I thought.
Even though, I love my job and there is no place I would rather be. I really regret not staying in on some of those snow days and just enjoy time alone and with God. The snow is really beautiful when we take the time to see it for what it is with the sun beaming down and children playing in it. It is pure white like we are in Christ and therefore, no matter what we are doing we are pure in Him. It's strange because God has been teaching me boundaries and like I've said before this snow and job are helping me learn those but at the same time it is hard because I want and do care about the children but then there is my family and friends I don't want to forget about.
It is crazy how people complained that we didn't get snow last year and now they are complaining that we are. It just goes to show you that we can't be happy with anything of this world. We want it one way or the other. I understand it can be dangerous trust me after going into a ditch this past week I know but that will never mess with my perspective of snow. I was safe and my car got a little dent in it and I know some people aren't that lucky or blessed but they don't have to be mean to everyone else. Maybe they should have slowed down both on the road and in life or one or the other.
People complain about the snow when really we should look at it as God's way of telling us to slow down and take time for Him and His Gift. Snow is really a gift at any time no matter what you have to do in it because no matter where you are it slows things down at least a little bit if not all the way. I've always loved the snow and winter time. I've been and am a snow baby being born in December 7 days after winter starts.
All I'm trying to say is just spend time with your family and friends this season remembering the true meaning of Christmas because at least you are blessed enough to have those things in your life. Even if it means that God has to send snow to make us spend time with them, let's enjoy it to the fullest. This enterty might be a little too forwards but it has been what I've been thinking lately. I hope it makes sense too.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
A Little "Side" Mission Trip
Who knew that you could have a mission trip in your home state at your own job in a big snow storm? AR friends are going to kill me for saying this but I want this all winter. LOL! :) They know where I work though so they understand why. I would have to be able to go outside with the children though most of the time. :) That is where I have been the past 2 days and it has opened up my eyes so much. God knew what He was doing when He put everything in order for good. I had a hard week last week but this week just seems so much better and yet I started it off at work after having a good talk with a family member.
It seems like I just needed to get a way from my apartment and people around me like sorry to say it but friends for awhile and have no way of talking for long for awhile. You don't know how hard something hits you until it hits you hard and then you are like duh! First off, I think my apartment is too small and has a lot of things in it. Second off, I think I do need to live with a friend sometime soon like by next August.
After staying 3 days and 2 nights at my job, I feel like they are a family to me and that they do care about the children there or at least most of them. I loved to see how we are came together and worked as a team by one showing up when one couldn't get out because of the snow. How people were so willing to stay a week overnights or more to take shifts where need be. I got to know some people that I never saw because I worked or stayed with them and got to know the people I knew already better. It just seemed like a caring place. It reminds me of the daycare at my college and it is so good to be back at a place like that then I was almost a year ago from now. I wouldn't trade this job for anything else unless it was to start one like my own.
To tell you all what I'm learning, I need to tell you the start of the story which was last week. A friend of mine was honest to me and told me what they needed to tell me but in a way it was hard for me to take in. I understood it and respected them for it but it was still hard in a way. I thought about it all week until I got to talk to a family member of mine and they helped me understand things a little better. They helped me understand that boundaries are more and have to do more then just with what we think they do (dating/guys). Boundaries have to do with dreams, jobs, friends, and even family. If you don't have the set amount of time to spend with them or the ability to say no when they ask you of something then your life is going to be crazy.
I had that talk this past Sunday and after that I have spent the last 3 days at my job and I think that talk helped me see things a little clearer now. I heard the past two days at my job how people had to go home because of their families/husband/boyfriend and that is great and I don't think anything of it expect this. People think I might be strange because I work with the children I do and I love it and don't care to spend the night. I felt strange last night spending the night because everyone was going home or almost everyone and the roads were fine but I had to work in the morning so I stayed.
I truly believe God gave these past 2 days to see that I don't need all the stuff I have to make me happy and I knew that from before mission trips. I think the main thing He was showing me the week before and this week was I don't need a guy in my life right now or a family because He has better things for me. If I had a family or boyfriend I wouldn't be able to stay over night at my work or go on these amazing mission trips. I might not even be able to open my own shelter or orphanage for children unless my husband really loves children like I do. I mean I can see myself opening one by myself if I have to having 12 children and just me in one big house. When I enjoy it, I have the energy to do it and nothing to keep me from it.
Yes, I may be that strange one spending the night somewhere else when I don't have to really but scared to drive in the snow and don't want to get up so early. I do the life I do because I don't have a boyfriend/husband or children to go home to. This is and will be my life for however long The Lord wants it to be. It will never wear out on me. To people who really know me, this shouldn't be surprising. I love my life right now and there is no other way I would have it now! Maybe later but not right now. I can't complain at all and I won't! :)
It seems like I just needed to get a way from my apartment and people around me like sorry to say it but friends for awhile and have no way of talking for long for awhile. You don't know how hard something hits you until it hits you hard and then you are like duh! First off, I think my apartment is too small and has a lot of things in it. Second off, I think I do need to live with a friend sometime soon like by next August.
After staying 3 days and 2 nights at my job, I feel like they are a family to me and that they do care about the children there or at least most of them. I loved to see how we are came together and worked as a team by one showing up when one couldn't get out because of the snow. How people were so willing to stay a week overnights or more to take shifts where need be. I got to know some people that I never saw because I worked or stayed with them and got to know the people I knew already better. It just seemed like a caring place. It reminds me of the daycare at my college and it is so good to be back at a place like that then I was almost a year ago from now. I wouldn't trade this job for anything else unless it was to start one like my own.
To tell you all what I'm learning, I need to tell you the start of the story which was last week. A friend of mine was honest to me and told me what they needed to tell me but in a way it was hard for me to take in. I understood it and respected them for it but it was still hard in a way. I thought about it all week until I got to talk to a family member of mine and they helped me understand things a little better. They helped me understand that boundaries are more and have to do more then just with what we think they do (dating/guys). Boundaries have to do with dreams, jobs, friends, and even family. If you don't have the set amount of time to spend with them or the ability to say no when they ask you of something then your life is going to be crazy.
I had that talk this past Sunday and after that I have spent the last 3 days at my job and I think that talk helped me see things a little clearer now. I heard the past two days at my job how people had to go home because of their families/husband/boyfriend and that is great and I don't think anything of it expect this. People think I might be strange because I work with the children I do and I love it and don't care to spend the night. I felt strange last night spending the night because everyone was going home or almost everyone and the roads were fine but I had to work in the morning so I stayed.
I truly believe God gave these past 2 days to see that I don't need all the stuff I have to make me happy and I knew that from before mission trips. I think the main thing He was showing me the week before and this week was I don't need a guy in my life right now or a family because He has better things for me. If I had a family or boyfriend I wouldn't be able to stay over night at my work or go on these amazing mission trips. I might not even be able to open my own shelter or orphanage for children unless my husband really loves children like I do. I mean I can see myself opening one by myself if I have to having 12 children and just me in one big house. When I enjoy it, I have the energy to do it and nothing to keep me from it.
Yes, I may be that strange one spending the night somewhere else when I don't have to really but scared to drive in the snow and don't want to get up so early. I do the life I do because I don't have a boyfriend/husband or children to go home to. This is and will be my life for however long The Lord wants it to be. It will never wear out on me. To people who really know me, this shouldn't be surprising. I love my life right now and there is no other way I would have it now! Maybe later but not right now. I can't complain at all and I won't! :)
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Big Snow and Me
I thought I would write one about my first big snow storm that we are having here in AR right now. I'm learning a lot about life and the weather is not helping because it is just going right along with it teaching me the same thing. I have seen how my job now works with the snow and knowing me that is not good. I have been driving in this mess everyday but when you have children that need you, there is nothing else you can do. You can stay there and make it like a short mission trip but I haven't yet.
This weather is also getting to me emaitonally because I'm stressed when my work calls and ask if I want to come in. I'm the kind of person that says, "yes" espically when it involves children and that could get you in touable sometimes. I was in a wreak on the way to work one day. It was just me hitting a little metal pole and bared wire and all I got was a dent in my car. It also was the first time that I drove in snow in AR because the last two years all I had to do to get to my 1st job here was walk because I lived that close to it so I could go in no matter what. It took me about at last 10 mins. to walk there. I would rather drive in the snow now to my work then to walk to work. All together it is my 1st big snow storm in AR. A lot of firsts here these past couple of days.
It is neat to see the people you work with, your co-workers, really band together for the children at a time like this. They are saying I will stay a week at work or come back on the icy roads and help. If you stay over, you get to know them more and they become like family, I kind of hope it does another big storm like this before winter is over and then I will stay no matter what. You have to do this because it is just the nature of the job. It also helps you see who is there for the children and who is there for just the money because if you are there for the children you will either stay or come back if needed, I think.
I get to work or see people that I never get to see or work with so I get to know more of who is in the other sections of the building. It is a very, spiecal place that I work and I couldn't ask for a better one even if I do get in one or two wreaks along the way. These past few days with work too has helped me to see if I made the right choice or not. To see if I'm listening and in a way trusting God, which I need help with badly. I've been making the right choices I think after that wreak. They always tell you that the storms of life will past you by and you will get through them.
It was fun yesterday too though because we had a snow themed day without even knowing it or that is what the teacher in me calls it. I had them make snowman out of cotton balls and snowflakes around the snowman with their hands painted white. Another co-worker went outside to get snow from the playground and the children got to play inside with plates of snow. They made little snow mans and used rasins and marshmallows for eyes and buttons. Such a cute idea to keep them busy! :) That is one way of co-workers working together.
It is funny because this natural storm fits my storm of life right now. Not listening to God or seeing the signs if I should go or not and not seeing the signs in my life whether to stop or to go in a different way. It was so good though yesterday after I got to work after the wreak. Three of my boys started to talk about God and Jesus as soon as I sat down to play with them. I was like that is strange, God. I crashed and then I come on in to work and here Your Name. I will write more about that experince later because something happened later on that night that was neat. That moment made my whole day and night better.
I hope this make somewhat of some sense. I have gotten 6 hours of sleep in the past 2 days. I just wanted to try and explain what my job is like during snow days because it is really different. It is like a mission in the states. The people staying are the missionaries for those few days or week. I might stay at this place a little longer. :) Things might get tough but yet they are so fun and easy compared to other jobs.
This weather is also getting to me emaitonally because I'm stressed when my work calls and ask if I want to come in. I'm the kind of person that says, "yes" espically when it involves children and that could get you in touable sometimes. I was in a wreak on the way to work one day. It was just me hitting a little metal pole and bared wire and all I got was a dent in my car. It also was the first time that I drove in snow in AR because the last two years all I had to do to get to my 1st job here was walk because I lived that close to it so I could go in no matter what. It took me about at last 10 mins. to walk there. I would rather drive in the snow now to my work then to walk to work. All together it is my 1st big snow storm in AR. A lot of firsts here these past couple of days.
It is neat to see the people you work with, your co-workers, really band together for the children at a time like this. They are saying I will stay a week at work or come back on the icy roads and help. If you stay over, you get to know them more and they become like family, I kind of hope it does another big storm like this before winter is over and then I will stay no matter what. You have to do this because it is just the nature of the job. It also helps you see who is there for the children and who is there for just the money because if you are there for the children you will either stay or come back if needed, I think.
I get to work or see people that I never get to see or work with so I get to know more of who is in the other sections of the building. It is a very, spiecal place that I work and I couldn't ask for a better one even if I do get in one or two wreaks along the way. These past few days with work too has helped me to see if I made the right choice or not. To see if I'm listening and in a way trusting God, which I need help with badly. I've been making the right choices I think after that wreak. They always tell you that the storms of life will past you by and you will get through them.
It was fun yesterday too though because we had a snow themed day without even knowing it or that is what the teacher in me calls it. I had them make snowman out of cotton balls and snowflakes around the snowman with their hands painted white. Another co-worker went outside to get snow from the playground and the children got to play inside with plates of snow. They made little snow mans and used rasins and marshmallows for eyes and buttons. Such a cute idea to keep them busy! :) That is one way of co-workers working together.
It is funny because this natural storm fits my storm of life right now. Not listening to God or seeing the signs if I should go or not and not seeing the signs in my life whether to stop or to go in a different way. It was so good though yesterday after I got to work after the wreak. Three of my boys started to talk about God and Jesus as soon as I sat down to play with them. I was like that is strange, God. I crashed and then I come on in to work and here Your Name. I will write more about that experince later because something happened later on that night that was neat. That moment made my whole day and night better.
I hope this make somewhat of some sense. I have gotten 6 hours of sleep in the past 2 days. I just wanted to try and explain what my job is like during snow days because it is really different. It is like a mission in the states. The people staying are the missionaries for those few days or week. I might stay at this place a little longer. :) Things might get tough but yet they are so fun and easy compared to other jobs.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Wisdom from Psalm 22:6-10
We went over this in church last Sunday for the 1st week of Advent. The word or thought for this week is "Hope". We started in the old testament where David said and did almost the exact same things has Jesus did and said on the cross. The verses are Psalm 22:6-10 for today and I might give some more verses later on but this is all I had time to write about on Sunday.
"But I am a worm and not a man. I'm scorned and despised by all! Everyone who sees me mocks me. They sneer and shake their heads, saying, "Is this the one who relies on the Lord? Then let the Lord save him! If the Lord loves Him so much, let the Lord rescue Him!" Yet you brought me safely from my mother's womb and led me to trust you when I was a nursing infant. I was thrust upon you at my birth. You have been mu God from the moment I was born."-Psalm 22:6-10
Here are my thoughts on these verses. Here is what I get from them and what the Lord is saying to me. I feel like the worm sometimes and not the man. I have felt like people have mocked me in a way that is jokely but still mocking because I buy and do things for the children I work with. When God was on the cross, it was then He saw the pain. It was then His eyes were really opened to every sin of the world. Every sin was on Him. Is what I'm doing really for the Lord? If I love the Lord I should let them mock me because I know what I'm doing is only bettering the childrens' lives. It's like I see the sin of this world and others mock me because I'm trying to show Christ to the children while I have the chance. God has brought me to Him since the start of my life. He let me safely to Him and taught me to trust Him at a young age. He has been my God from the moment I was born working my life together.
I feel like He has also put me where he has wanted me while working with children whether elementary aged children or younger. Public school or daycares. He gave me the feeling of compassion for these children. Every since college, He has given me a passion to go on the mission field but having the sense to travel started much earlier at about the age of 10. He is still giving me the steps everyday to follow Him to make my traveling dreams come true. I'm learning more and experiences more each day and that is what it is all about.
I might have to have a spiecal entery sometimes in Jan. about what the Lord has done in my life this past year because everything really does add up and I can see where the Lord is leading me but not quite where yet. Look for that entery coming next month. :)
"But I am a worm and not a man. I'm scorned and despised by all! Everyone who sees me mocks me. They sneer and shake their heads, saying, "Is this the one who relies on the Lord? Then let the Lord save him! If the Lord loves Him so much, let the Lord rescue Him!" Yet you brought me safely from my mother's womb and led me to trust you when I was a nursing infant. I was thrust upon you at my birth. You have been mu God from the moment I was born."-Psalm 22:6-10
Here are my thoughts on these verses. Here is what I get from them and what the Lord is saying to me. I feel like the worm sometimes and not the man. I have felt like people have mocked me in a way that is jokely but still mocking because I buy and do things for the children I work with. When God was on the cross, it was then He saw the pain. It was then His eyes were really opened to every sin of the world. Every sin was on Him. Is what I'm doing really for the Lord? If I love the Lord I should let them mock me because I know what I'm doing is only bettering the childrens' lives. It's like I see the sin of this world and others mock me because I'm trying to show Christ to the children while I have the chance. God has brought me to Him since the start of my life. He let me safely to Him and taught me to trust Him at a young age. He has been my God from the moment I was born working my life together.
I feel like He has also put me where he has wanted me while working with children whether elementary aged children or younger. Public school or daycares. He gave me the feeling of compassion for these children. Every since college, He has given me a passion to go on the mission field but having the sense to travel started much earlier at about the age of 10. He is still giving me the steps everyday to follow Him to make my traveling dreams come true. I'm learning more and experiences more each day and that is what it is all about.
I might have to have a spiecal entery sometimes in Jan. about what the Lord has done in my life this past year because everything really does add up and I can see where the Lord is leading me but not quite where yet. Look for that entery coming next month. :)
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
A Little Boy's Vivd Dream
I had this story that happened at work and I just had to tell it to someone. It might be short because I have to hurry but I knew if I didn't write it down I would forget it later. A lot has been going on that I need to write down on here. Hopefully, I will get caught up when I get snowed in. This talk with this little boy started the night before and I just wanted to see what kind of morning he had after he woke up for the morning.
This little boy, as I was putting him to sleep, was telling me that he was sacred and kept seeing a monster when he was closing his eyes so he couldn't go to sleep. That monster seemed to be Harry Potter with a knife. Now, I have never watched those movies because I know they would scare me too. I don't know if this is true or not. He also said that he was made to watch them because someone else watched them. I just kept reminding him that he was safe and I will stay by his bedside until he fell asleep and I did.
The next day is what really got me though. I asked him how his night went after all of that and he said the greatest thing ever, he said, " I'm happy now because I saw angels and God." I asked him some few more questions about what happened before that. He said things like "I was in hell and saw the devil because I was mad at someone but then I saw the angels and God and now I am happy." I'm not for sure who the someone was but it is just amazing how a little child can put two and two together.
When you think about the devil, you are usually mad or sinning or both really. When you see angels and God, you are happy.
It's comments like these and dreams that makes me wonder do children really see more then we give them credit for. Does God really give them dreams like that where only they can see Him? It was scary for me but at the same time interesting because I wonder did he really see this and put the feelings together or is it something he has just heard or saw. Either way it is in his mind and he is dreaming it, which is not good when it is about the devil but I think it is neat that God and angels came over to keep him safe espically after I told him he would be safe. Just another one of those God moment.
It is strange too because during the day this child can get really mean and bossy like he is hiding something or something is bothering him but he doesn't know how to explain it yet we are not giving him the chance to in his own words. He loves playing naijas, bad vs. good, and other games like that outside and sometimes now I wonder if that is not a way to get his feelings out.
This little boy, as I was putting him to sleep, was telling me that he was sacred and kept seeing a monster when he was closing his eyes so he couldn't go to sleep. That monster seemed to be Harry Potter with a knife. Now, I have never watched those movies because I know they would scare me too. I don't know if this is true or not. He also said that he was made to watch them because someone else watched them. I just kept reminding him that he was safe and I will stay by his bedside until he fell asleep and I did.
The next day is what really got me though. I asked him how his night went after all of that and he said the greatest thing ever, he said, " I'm happy now because I saw angels and God." I asked him some few more questions about what happened before that. He said things like "I was in hell and saw the devil because I was mad at someone but then I saw the angels and God and now I am happy." I'm not for sure who the someone was but it is just amazing how a little child can put two and two together.
When you think about the devil, you are usually mad or sinning or both really. When you see angels and God, you are happy.
It's comments like these and dreams that makes me wonder do children really see more then we give them credit for. Does God really give them dreams like that where only they can see Him? It was scary for me but at the same time interesting because I wonder did he really see this and put the feelings together or is it something he has just heard or saw. Either way it is in his mind and he is dreaming it, which is not good when it is about the devil but I think it is neat that God and angels came over to keep him safe espically after I told him he would be safe. Just another one of those God moment.
It is strange too because during the day this child can get really mean and bossy like he is hiding something or something is bothering him but he doesn't know how to explain it yet we are not giving him the chance to in his own words. He loves playing naijas, bad vs. good, and other games like that outside and sometimes now I wonder if that is not a way to get his feelings out.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Ideas for Yo-Yo Teddy Bears
Here are my ideas for the kinds of yo-yo teddy bears I'm going to start making and maybe once I get enough teddy bears sold I will start making other things like hair pieces, blankets, and wreaths.
-Brown just because I found brown patterns I liked for the 1st one
-Pink and maybe Hello Kitty for little girls-thinking of making one for my niece
-Disney Princesses for little girls
-Black and Lime Green
-Baby Blue for little boys
-Pale yellow or green for any gender of baby
-John Deere colors (yellow and green)
-Camo and maybe orange
-Red and white for the Razorbacks
-Maybe yellow and black for MIZZOU
-Any Holiday/Seasonal ones
-When I get really good, I will take suggestions. I could and wouldn't mind any suggestions right now but they won't be made just for a person right now. I'm hoping to get to that spot though and sell them to raise money for some kind of mission trip or traveling overseas for sometime longer then a week, maybe a year is my goal/dream. There are so many kinds to make because there is no certain way to do it. Just have to make myself focus on making them more and spending more time on them then I do now. It has taken me 4 months to make one, I think and still not done with it. Hopefully, in the next 2 or 3 months I will be though.
-Brown just because I found brown patterns I liked for the 1st one
-Pink and maybe Hello Kitty for little girls-thinking of making one for my niece
-Disney Princesses for little girls
-Black and Lime Green
-Baby Blue for little boys
-Pale yellow or green for any gender of baby
-John Deere colors (yellow and green)
-Camo and maybe orange
-Red and white for the Razorbacks
-Maybe yellow and black for MIZZOU
-Any Holiday/Seasonal ones
-When I get really good, I will take suggestions. I could and wouldn't mind any suggestions right now but they won't be made just for a person right now. I'm hoping to get to that spot though and sell them to raise money for some kind of mission trip or traveling overseas for sometime longer then a week, maybe a year is my goal/dream. There are so many kinds to make because there is no certain way to do it. Just have to make myself focus on making them more and spending more time on them then I do now. It has taken me 4 months to make one, I think and still not done with it. Hopefully, in the next 2 or 3 months I will be though.
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