"You will love more passionately, hurt more deeply, grieve more bitterly and celebrate more joyously throughout the process of caring for vulnerable children then you ever thought imaginable. We must be willing to walk down this path for their sake. As we do, our embracing of their brokenness paints a vivd picture of how Jesus embraced ours."-All in One Orphan Care
This might be a fast entry but I think this quote explains it well. Explains what I'm doing with my job and what I want to do with my life and also the person that I am deep down inside because of what I've seen and done. God uses things in our life to make us like Him and I really believe this is how He is doing it in my life. I will go step by step in what I think it means in my life now and later. With job, with friends, and with family. I challenge you to look up the org. called "All in One Orphan Care".
LOVE MORE PASSIONATELY-At my job, you have to love on those children with all of your heart. You have to be patience and kiss and hug them every chance you get. You also have to encourage them. Sometimes you have to provide for them. I love when a new child comes in because it feels like I'm providing them with nice, new clothes and I get to pick out cute outfits too. You usually know the story they have gone through so when you do sometimes you are just lead to love them more because of their stories.
Doesn't God hug and kiss us more then we think? Doesn't God provide for us? Doesn't God know our stories from start to finish?
HURT MORE DEEPLY-At my job, I hurt because the choices that are in the children's lives are not mine to make yet I want to so bad because I think my choices will be better for them. I hurt because why would a person much less a parent do that to a child. I also hurt sometimes when a child bites or hits me or just don't do what I say but I have to remember that they weren't taught that way.
Did we hurt Jesus when we put Him on the cross? Don't we have sin in our lives that God has to fix and take away from us? He has to teach us, right?
GRIEVE MORE BITTERLY-At my job, I grieve because seeing the children like they are and knowing what they go back to is sad. I mean how can you not grieve when a little child come to you all bruised up and really dirty and developmentally behind. Mind is age 2 but physical he is age 4. It just wants to make you cry.
Doesn't God grieve for us when we make bad choices and not listen to Him? Doesn't God grieve when we don't go to Him and let him deal with our situations?
CELEBRATE MORE JOYOUSLY- At my job, I get to celebrate a lot though. I get to celebrate when they have a foster home to go to. I also celebrate how much they have grown and learned in 3 months. Sometimes it is a real progress and it is so neat to see like someone starting to talk or crawl. Other things could be when they come in really mad or won't smile at all but then they leave happy. They come back again and the 2nd time they come running into your arms to hug you. It is in those moments I know I made a difference.
Didn't God celebrate when we found Him? Doesn't He celebrate when we spend time with and learn more about Him? Doesn't He celebrate when we are serving and following Him?
EMBRACE THEIR BROKENNESS-At my job, I try to understand and embrace the children's brokenness just like Jesus did when He came to this earth for us. He came to set us free and to be like us so He knew how we lived and how hard it was to live in a sinful world. I try to set the children free from their brokenness. That is my prayer, anyways.
WE ARE THE ORPHANS IN GOD'S EYES AND HE LOVES US JUST THE WAY WE ARE!
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Run with the Devil
This month has been strange for me and has went by fast. I can't believe it is almost over. It seemed like it just started. It has been a strange month but yet a good month at the same time. As you can tell, I have been thinking and writing a lot and things have changed for the better. I am more content then usual but I just didn't get that way this month. I had a hard run with the devil a couple weekends ago it seemed like. People would say that I'm crazy if I thought the devil was messing with me but I strongly believe he was.
Two weekends ago, I was doubting what was going on in my life and just worrying about everything happening around me. I worried so much that I got up in the middle of the night with my head hurting really bad and I just started to cry and scream out loud. I thought at first it was because my head was hurting that bad but now as I look back and looked at everything that has happened since I believe it was the devil testing me in a way. It was around the time I was really wanting to know if I got the morning shift at work and I had friends' problems around me. I was just really stressed and wanting to know what to do with my life.
After that Sunday when I let it all out the night before, I felt calm and at "real" peace like God had my back now. Since then, things have been great! I have started to encourage friends more like I use to because there have been chances to do that. Seems like I had my eyes opened more. I got the new shift and love it! I'm just more at peace and starting to like and get who I am in Christ. I also started a Bible study right after that happened. More about that to come later.
These past weeks I've seen chances to touch the children's lives at work. I've seen chances to touch friends' lives where they needed me most even though it worried me a lot more then they know. I kept my head up for them. Those situations have helped me see and learn again that I do love encouraging people and getting to really know them. Honestly, I think I was getting to stressed at work especially just waiting for that spot or even to see if I got it. Because with that, I thought if I didn't get it, then what would I do with my life but now I think I can stay for a longer while.
Funny how God can use the devil or how we let the devil get to us in little ways and then they turn big. I didn't think it would stress me out or I didn't care about that chance or other situations but I did care about them more then I thought. Sometimes I wonder if I cared about them more then I did God. Cared about my future and what I would do more then I did God. I wasn't depending on Him like I should have. I didn't trust Him like I should have. It taught be that I can trust Him and should trust Him. He will come through with the best things for me even when my heart says "this will happen" I need to trust it because that is God talking to me about something.
I feel like He is saying that about another certain situation so I just have to learn to trust it and leave it at His feet like I have everything else. It is like I get so worked up when things are about to change for me and I know they are good things but still hard to trust. It is also like I can tell they are about to happen for real before they really do happen. That can be a gift but at the same time it can be a curse because you start to doubt is this me wanting this feeling or is that God giving me that feeling and telling me that. Like a friend has said before: You need to listen to what God is saying instead of what you or other people want. This month as been a spiritual month for me but I've loved it. Seen all the changes that has happened to me and around me just shows me that God is at work on this earth. He is walking with us and keeping us safe and leading us. TRUST GOD AND HE WILL LEAD YOU TO HIS BEST FOR YOU!!!!! He might break you on the way but it is to, only, build you to be like Him.
Two weekends ago, I was doubting what was going on in my life and just worrying about everything happening around me. I worried so much that I got up in the middle of the night with my head hurting really bad and I just started to cry and scream out loud. I thought at first it was because my head was hurting that bad but now as I look back and looked at everything that has happened since I believe it was the devil testing me in a way. It was around the time I was really wanting to know if I got the morning shift at work and I had friends' problems around me. I was just really stressed and wanting to know what to do with my life.
After that Sunday when I let it all out the night before, I felt calm and at "real" peace like God had my back now. Since then, things have been great! I have started to encourage friends more like I use to because there have been chances to do that. Seems like I had my eyes opened more. I got the new shift and love it! I'm just more at peace and starting to like and get who I am in Christ. I also started a Bible study right after that happened. More about that to come later.
These past weeks I've seen chances to touch the children's lives at work. I've seen chances to touch friends' lives where they needed me most even though it worried me a lot more then they know. I kept my head up for them. Those situations have helped me see and learn again that I do love encouraging people and getting to really know them. Honestly, I think I was getting to stressed at work especially just waiting for that spot or even to see if I got it. Because with that, I thought if I didn't get it, then what would I do with my life but now I think I can stay for a longer while.
Funny how God can use the devil or how we let the devil get to us in little ways and then they turn big. I didn't think it would stress me out or I didn't care about that chance or other situations but I did care about them more then I thought. Sometimes I wonder if I cared about them more then I did God. Cared about my future and what I would do more then I did God. I wasn't depending on Him like I should have. I didn't trust Him like I should have. It taught be that I can trust Him and should trust Him. He will come through with the best things for me even when my heart says "this will happen" I need to trust it because that is God talking to me about something.
I feel like He is saying that about another certain situation so I just have to learn to trust it and leave it at His feet like I have everything else. It is like I get so worked up when things are about to change for me and I know they are good things but still hard to trust. It is also like I can tell they are about to happen for real before they really do happen. That can be a gift but at the same time it can be a curse because you start to doubt is this me wanting this feeling or is that God giving me that feeling and telling me that. Like a friend has said before: You need to listen to what God is saying instead of what you or other people want. This month as been a spiritual month for me but I've loved it. Seen all the changes that has happened to me and around me just shows me that God is at work on this earth. He is walking with us and keeping us safe and leading us. TRUST GOD AND HE WILL LEAD YOU TO HIS BEST FOR YOU!!!!! He might break you on the way but it is to, only, build you to be like Him.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
My 1st Week of Mornings
Most people would think I am crazy right now because I get up by 4 and get to work at 6 or a little before but I love it! I started the morning shift at my job and it is 6-2. I can have a "real" life now with friends and different activties but that's not the only reason I like it. There are a lot more reasons.
Reason #1-It is a lot calmer in the mornings. That is when the kids just got up and is ready for the day. You don't have so many things to do because they don't take baths in mornings. I also get to spend time with the children because I don't have to be up doing things all the time. Less fights because both teachers are in the room or around close by and can get to the children faster.
Reason #2- Being a teacher's kid, I'm also a morning person. I have done 3 out of 5 days this week without coffee or a lot of it. I'm use to getting to school by 7:30 and leaving at 4:00 on good days when I was little and if I was lucky. Being a morning person also runs in my family. Both of my parents are morning people.
Reason #3-I have a chance to do crafts and teach the children in the morning since we don't have to do everything. I have time to get that stuff ready to for the next day. It is like a little preschool and honestly it can be depending on the children we have. I have a chance to make plans and use them. I have the chance just to be the leader in the preschool area and actually use my "talents".
Reason #4-The last reason I love working in the early mornings is because I get to leave for work later because there are no cars on the road at 5:15 am. It is a quite drive into the country and I get to see the sun rise at times or will in the Spring. I also love to hear the rooster every morning when I get to work. Yes, there is a rooster by work.
Reason #5-I get the end and experience of both worlds and I love that! I know everyone that works there and know what they are looking for when I give information about the children and how they treat the children. It is just good to get the all around feeling for any work or business if you have the chance too.
At this job, I got the experience in everything from babies to preschool. From night to day. I know how the newborn to preschool area works and that is nice in away.
Reason #1-It is a lot calmer in the mornings. That is when the kids just got up and is ready for the day. You don't have so many things to do because they don't take baths in mornings. I also get to spend time with the children because I don't have to be up doing things all the time. Less fights because both teachers are in the room or around close by and can get to the children faster.
Reason #2- Being a teacher's kid, I'm also a morning person. I have done 3 out of 5 days this week without coffee or a lot of it. I'm use to getting to school by 7:30 and leaving at 4:00 on good days when I was little and if I was lucky. Being a morning person also runs in my family. Both of my parents are morning people.
Reason #3-I have a chance to do crafts and teach the children in the morning since we don't have to do everything. I have time to get that stuff ready to for the next day. It is like a little preschool and honestly it can be depending on the children we have. I have a chance to make plans and use them. I have the chance just to be the leader in the preschool area and actually use my "talents".
Reason #4-The last reason I love working in the early mornings is because I get to leave for work later because there are no cars on the road at 5:15 am. It is a quite drive into the country and I get to see the sun rise at times or will in the Spring. I also love to hear the rooster every morning when I get to work. Yes, there is a rooster by work.
Reason #5-I get the end and experience of both worlds and I love that! I know everyone that works there and know what they are looking for when I give information about the children and how they treat the children. It is just good to get the all around feeling for any work or business if you have the chance too.
At this job, I got the experience in everything from babies to preschool. From night to day. I know how the newborn to preschool area works and that is nice in away.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Special to God
"God made children grow in a certain way and when we don't take care of them the right way, it can change them."
Look at this quote from an abused or neagleted child's point of view. I came up with this quote after watching a movie in a training that I had at work about a little girl that was abused and not paid attention to. Our main subject was child development, which I probably had 3 of the same classes on that in college because I kept changing my major and they weren't happy with the one I took for some reason. This quote that popped into my mind got me to think about child development (aka my degree) and how new way.
People have been making these charts and ways that children should reach and do a certain thing by a certain age and most of them do or at least close to that age. We tend not to think anything about those charts but work with abused preschoolers and you would beg to differ. Children being abused and neglected would not reach that stage or time.
God made us for relationships and for bonding. He made us to grow and grow in order. God made us complex and when you think about the human made charts of development it is amazing. It is even hard to explain. He gives us what we need to grow and if we don't get that we don't grow like we should. It is strange too because the most common ones that are not developed are emotional and intellentance. It is sad that emotional is one of them. Who cannot love their child? It is so hard to wrap my mind around that.
God make us so complex and wonderful like the Palms says. He know how inner being. He knows what we need to grow into the person we need to be so why are we so hard on ourselves. Why do we not take time to enjoy what He has given us as in talents and knowledge? Why do we not take the time to enjoy what and who is around us because they help us grow too? They are a big part of building relationships and bonding.
God gave us the wants to talk and be with him because that is what bonding is all about. It is to get to know the person or thing we love the most. It is being with them all the time. Asking them questions and learning about them. Seeing what they think in a certain situation. Loving them with all our hearts. Just strange how we really take our relationships with God less seriously then our relationships with humans. We think that humans know everything so we ask them all the questions but only God does and we need to be asking Him everything.
That quote makes more sense and is more meaningful in my mind but that might because I work with abused children everyday and Christ lives out of me everyday for those children. It could also be that this quote is just one of those quotes that is hard to explain but means something deep down. It all comes back to relationships with God and people. We are the person we are when we give to the people around us because they give back and we are happier. We learn everyday whether we know it or not, even as adults probably more so about "real" life.
Look at this quote from an abused or neagleted child's point of view. I came up with this quote after watching a movie in a training that I had at work about a little girl that was abused and not paid attention to. Our main subject was child development, which I probably had 3 of the same classes on that in college because I kept changing my major and they weren't happy with the one I took for some reason. This quote that popped into my mind got me to think about child development (aka my degree) and how new way.
People have been making these charts and ways that children should reach and do a certain thing by a certain age and most of them do or at least close to that age. We tend not to think anything about those charts but work with abused preschoolers and you would beg to differ. Children being abused and neglected would not reach that stage or time.
God made us for relationships and for bonding. He made us to grow and grow in order. God made us complex and when you think about the human made charts of development it is amazing. It is even hard to explain. He gives us what we need to grow and if we don't get that we don't grow like we should. It is strange too because the most common ones that are not developed are emotional and intellentance. It is sad that emotional is one of them. Who cannot love their child? It is so hard to wrap my mind around that.
God make us so complex and wonderful like the Palms says. He know how inner being. He knows what we need to grow into the person we need to be so why are we so hard on ourselves. Why do we not take time to enjoy what He has given us as in talents and knowledge? Why do we not take the time to enjoy what and who is around us because they help us grow too? They are a big part of building relationships and bonding.
God gave us the wants to talk and be with him because that is what bonding is all about. It is to get to know the person or thing we love the most. It is being with them all the time. Asking them questions and learning about them. Seeing what they think in a certain situation. Loving them with all our hearts. Just strange how we really take our relationships with God less seriously then our relationships with humans. We think that humans know everything so we ask them all the questions but only God does and we need to be asking Him everything.
That quote makes more sense and is more meaningful in my mind but that might because I work with abused children everyday and Christ lives out of me everyday for those children. It could also be that this quote is just one of those quotes that is hard to explain but means something deep down. It all comes back to relationships with God and people. We are the person we are when we give to the people around us because they give back and we are happier. We learn everyday whether we know it or not, even as adults probably more so about "real" life.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Strong Prayer Warriors
Like I have said before I am thinking about a lot of things and I know have time to write so there will be a lot of entries on here in the next few weeks. This entry is about prayer and clarity. This past Saturday at church the sermon was about why are we here on this earth and why the cross. Now you might ask how did you get clarity out of that. Well, Jesus followed God all the way to the cross. He had clarity from God that that was His Purpose for Him here on this earth.
I was reading another friend's blog and what she is going through right now with her daughter and all I can say is wow! Then her brother is doing an amazing thing. It is just like you can see that that whole family has something going for them but do they see that in the mist of the busyness and worries with those situations. They are really prayer warriors for anything and everything. I keep thinking to myself, even though, I'm not suppose to, how can I be a prayer warrior like them. If they read this, they would be so humbled but it is true.
Sickness of the daughter and going after his dream. Those are tough things to get through on your own. No doubt. You do need the clarity of God to see His Reasoning and His Way to go about it. I've been thinking a lot about my future and what my dream really is and if I can make myself a strong prayer warrior I would pray to make my own children's home or be a froster parent. I know the friend that has the daughter, she said that she has started to pray God's Will be done in everything and that has to be hard for her to pray for her daughter so why can't I pray it for success in a way.
God's Will be done. What am I scared of? Only the best will come out of this. I've been made in the image of this of understand children with special needs and wants. I never was "normal" and never will be. It did hit me today that someone called one of our children special needs when really all it was was he is developmentally behind his speech. I see that people call those kind of children speical needs now and I just HATE it with a passion. Those children can get over it. I did. Granted I'm still working on it a little bit each day I see progress.
I see that I'm speaking up for the children I'm working with when really I didn't speak up at all at a younger age. I brought something to attention that someone missed just by speaking up and wanting to learn more about the process because of my dream. I just wish that there was a way where I could tell that family and really the parents that they have raised some prayer warriors in every way. I know that would be strange but still it would be encouraging to them and to me. I could tell the people themselves but I think it just won't do justice.
Funny, how you could be praying for something for a year and a half and it comes true. How you even pray something for 6 months and it comes true. It is also a great reminder that we are on God's time, not our own but yet you have to be consistent with that prayer like you have to be with everything else in life. Funny, how these two situations are going on around me and yet I have my own changing situation that I am involved in for the better and have to get used to again. I can't wait to see how God puts them all together if that is His Will!
I was reading another friend's blog and what she is going through right now with her daughter and all I can say is wow! Then her brother is doing an amazing thing. It is just like you can see that that whole family has something going for them but do they see that in the mist of the busyness and worries with those situations. They are really prayer warriors for anything and everything. I keep thinking to myself, even though, I'm not suppose to, how can I be a prayer warrior like them. If they read this, they would be so humbled but it is true.
Sickness of the daughter and going after his dream. Those are tough things to get through on your own. No doubt. You do need the clarity of God to see His Reasoning and His Way to go about it. I've been thinking a lot about my future and what my dream really is and if I can make myself a strong prayer warrior I would pray to make my own children's home or be a froster parent. I know the friend that has the daughter, she said that she has started to pray God's Will be done in everything and that has to be hard for her to pray for her daughter so why can't I pray it for success in a way.
God's Will be done. What am I scared of? Only the best will come out of this. I've been made in the image of this of understand children with special needs and wants. I never was "normal" and never will be. It did hit me today that someone called one of our children special needs when really all it was was he is developmentally behind his speech. I see that people call those kind of children speical needs now and I just HATE it with a passion. Those children can get over it. I did. Granted I'm still working on it a little bit each day I see progress.
I see that I'm speaking up for the children I'm working with when really I didn't speak up at all at a younger age. I brought something to attention that someone missed just by speaking up and wanting to learn more about the process because of my dream. I just wish that there was a way where I could tell that family and really the parents that they have raised some prayer warriors in every way. I know that would be strange but still it would be encouraging to them and to me. I could tell the people themselves but I think it just won't do justice.
Funny, how you could be praying for something for a year and a half and it comes true. How you even pray something for 6 months and it comes true. It is also a great reminder that we are on God's time, not our own but yet you have to be consistent with that prayer like you have to be with everything else in life. Funny, how these two situations are going on around me and yet I have my own changing situation that I am involved in for the better and have to get used to again. I can't wait to see how God puts them all together if that is His Will!
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Cover Your Eyes
"Cover Your Eyes, let God lead and direct." That is probably going to be the theme of this next week while starting my new hours and life for right now. I will say that I got this quote from a guy friend of mine. I need to do that really bad. I just need to trust God with my life right now. He is working on things for me that is why I feel like I am stuck here. I also need to prayer in "circles" around the things that I really need but first I need to firugre that out and my personal mission statement, which I'm taking a Bible study for that on Sunday mornings now. Once I get it together I can really pray that and more.
"Cover you eyes" is a different way to think about things because you hear people tell you open your eyes to what God is doing for you. Thinking about it, that could get bad because you could have your eyes open and yet see all these ideas or your ways and not believe that what God is doing is better for you as His Child. Think about it and we are less likely to mess up if we close our earthly eyes and let Him lead and direct. He knows us better then we know ourselves.
God will lay our paths out for us. You just need that leap of faith and trust. You might have to circle your dream for awhile like 1 and half years to 6 years or even longer but you can't give up because God is directing your steps whenever you don't feel like He is or are alone. For me, teaching preschool or elementary was all I want to do because that is all I ever knew but know it's not. God showed me that the hard way after my last teaching job. God covered my eyes to my teaching career and opened then to the foster system for the children here in AR for now.
I've always cared for children but God had a different way for me to show that care. I want to circle my prayers to become a foster mom or run my own children's home. I also want my own family in a way but know I can do this job either way. It would just be harder doing it single but then I could tell them about God being their Father and that is all they would have to focus on making happy. I believe that I can be like "Kisses from Kate" only here in AR and the states if I focus on it.
Cover my eyes and God will do what He wants and it will be greater then ever. It is strange that I don't have a plan after this job just yet but praying I will and that it would be different then I ever thought it would be. Some of my friends are starting their own businesses, why can't I? I know I'm not alone in this. God is teaching me just to trust Him again and He has put people in my life that has or is starting their dream and/or next journey the journey God wants them on. Things happen for a reason and most of these things for friends were totally unexpected and I'm just waiting for that time in my life again.
I'm waiting to get back in my comfort zone again so God can pull me out again after I just got comfortable. I'm for sure not a patience person. It is sad when I already want the next change and I don't even know what it is yet but I always had a thought that it will be big. Right now, as I'm thinking for my friends, I've been right for them so that gives me hope that I'm also right for myself. I'm excited for my friends and the path God has for them ahead of them and I'm also excited to see where God puts me these next few years.
"Cover you eyes" is a different way to think about things because you hear people tell you open your eyes to what God is doing for you. Thinking about it, that could get bad because you could have your eyes open and yet see all these ideas or your ways and not believe that what God is doing is better for you as His Child. Think about it and we are less likely to mess up if we close our earthly eyes and let Him lead and direct. He knows us better then we know ourselves.
God will lay our paths out for us. You just need that leap of faith and trust. You might have to circle your dream for awhile like 1 and half years to 6 years or even longer but you can't give up because God is directing your steps whenever you don't feel like He is or are alone. For me, teaching preschool or elementary was all I want to do because that is all I ever knew but know it's not. God showed me that the hard way after my last teaching job. God covered my eyes to my teaching career and opened then to the foster system for the children here in AR for now.
I've always cared for children but God had a different way for me to show that care. I want to circle my prayers to become a foster mom or run my own children's home. I also want my own family in a way but know I can do this job either way. It would just be harder doing it single but then I could tell them about God being their Father and that is all they would have to focus on making happy. I believe that I can be like "Kisses from Kate" only here in AR and the states if I focus on it.
Cover my eyes and God will do what He wants and it will be greater then ever. It is strange that I don't have a plan after this job just yet but praying I will and that it would be different then I ever thought it would be. Some of my friends are starting their own businesses, why can't I? I know I'm not alone in this. God is teaching me just to trust Him again and He has put people in my life that has or is starting their dream and/or next journey the journey God wants them on. Things happen for a reason and most of these things for friends were totally unexpected and I'm just waiting for that time in my life again.
I'm waiting to get back in my comfort zone again so God can pull me out again after I just got comfortable. I'm for sure not a patience person. It is sad when I already want the next change and I don't even know what it is yet but I always had a thought that it will be big. Right now, as I'm thinking for my friends, I've been right for them so that gives me hope that I'm also right for myself. I'm excited for my friends and the path God has for them ahead of them and I'm also excited to see where God puts me these next few years.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Selfless Love is Hard
Selfless love is hard and that is an understatement in itself. Loving someone or something so much that you just have to give up everything for it or let it go, really. When you selflessly love more then one thing at a time that is even harder. That is what I'm going through right now. It just seems like God puts all the stressful things together and I knew big changes were coming even before they came like a week or two before. They mainly have to do with friends and my job. Some I like and some I don't but it is better for the people involved. I have no say at all.
Selfless love is giving up the person that you think you like to do their dream and make it come true. Giving up that person yet you spent most of your time into that person. You're happy for them but yet at the same time it is breaking your heart to see them move on. You want them to be happy before you are happy and if that means giving up them to their dream so be it.
Selfless Love is caring for a little child that you don't even now anything about or that you do know at least half of their family. When you would do anything to make that child's life easier, and if they have a family, their life easier too. You would offer your services and much more if you could. It's not easy giving something up to a sickness when they are your whole life.
Selfless Love is seeing the faces of those orphans, abused, and negeteled and loving and giving them anything that you can and have. You don't care what happens then and there as long as you know you are making a difference in someone's life.
Selfless Love is a lot of giving up things you love. Some people are just made that way like me and it's hard at times but I care enough about people closest to me that I want the best for them no matter what. Selfless Love is putting other people before yourself.
I'm going to speak to the woman here because I know that way kind of. Guys are going to look for that women who will give themselves up. Love when there needs to be love no matter what. Encouragement where there needs to be that. Woman we are the nurturers. We are by the guy's side to cheer them on in time of need. Lately, I've seen that in my life. I'm cheering guys on to reach their dreams and for health for their families. I'm left here doing what I feel like nothing with my life yet I'm doing so much more then I can think of.
It's hard to have selfless love and be on the sidelines using it but at the same time it is rewarding to see the rewards if you get to stay around that long. I have tried to give up and forget a million of times on certain things and it feels like God is always taking me back and telling me, "you need to be here for a reason". "You are here for a reason". Like today at work, a old lady told me that "God has a reason that he let a certain thing happen to her". We need to believe that everyday and just go with the follow and not miss a chance.
Right now, I'm just amazed at my discernment lately. I have thought stuff a year or even few months back and it has happened at this moment. Remember, that not where I was fighting with the devil woke up just screaming and head hurting and I threw up. I swear it was a fight against me and what is happening now because all of this is God-driven for some reason. I still want to make sense of it but we'll see if I can.
Selfless love is giving up the person that you think you like to do their dream and make it come true. Giving up that person yet you spent most of your time into that person. You're happy for them but yet at the same time it is breaking your heart to see them move on. You want them to be happy before you are happy and if that means giving up them to their dream so be it.
Selfless Love is caring for a little child that you don't even now anything about or that you do know at least half of their family. When you would do anything to make that child's life easier, and if they have a family, their life easier too. You would offer your services and much more if you could. It's not easy giving something up to a sickness when they are your whole life.
Selfless Love is seeing the faces of those orphans, abused, and negeteled and loving and giving them anything that you can and have. You don't care what happens then and there as long as you know you are making a difference in someone's life.
Selfless Love is a lot of giving up things you love. Some people are just made that way like me and it's hard at times but I care enough about people closest to me that I want the best for them no matter what. Selfless Love is putting other people before yourself.
I'm going to speak to the woman here because I know that way kind of. Guys are going to look for that women who will give themselves up. Love when there needs to be love no matter what. Encouragement where there needs to be that. Woman we are the nurturers. We are by the guy's side to cheer them on in time of need. Lately, I've seen that in my life. I'm cheering guys on to reach their dreams and for health for their families. I'm left here doing what I feel like nothing with my life yet I'm doing so much more then I can think of.
It's hard to have selfless love and be on the sidelines using it but at the same time it is rewarding to see the rewards if you get to stay around that long. I have tried to give up and forget a million of times on certain things and it feels like God is always taking me back and telling me, "you need to be here for a reason". "You are here for a reason". Like today at work, a old lady told me that "God has a reason that he let a certain thing happen to her". We need to believe that everyday and just go with the follow and not miss a chance.
Right now, I'm just amazed at my discernment lately. I have thought stuff a year or even few months back and it has happened at this moment. Remember, that not where I was fighting with the devil woke up just screaming and head hurting and I threw up. I swear it was a fight against me and what is happening now because all of this is God-driven for some reason. I still want to make sense of it but we'll see if I can.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
My Love for the Orphans
My Love for the Orphans is strong whether here in the states or overseas. I know that is my passion but I don't know what to do with it. I want to start a business or some type of organization to raise money for them but how. I feel like I'm helping now and I know I am but I feel like that is so much more to do for them. I know not to get my hopes filled up because I am only one person and I can't solve it all on my own but I want to do a bigger part then I am now.
My Love for the Orphans is driving me to get them a education, which those are two things that I love. If I could find a way to keep doing it for the rest of my life how I would love that job. I'm fighting for an education for them because the first 5 years are the years they learn the more. It is science proven. Right now, though, it seems so hard because I have people around me that think it can't be done but those two things are my passion so I will find a way.
My Love for Orphans is greater beyond compare. I want to help them and education is the only way I feel like I know how. Teaching is a strong point of mine because I have been raised that way all my life. That and the farm. If we could fit those two things in that would be great. If I could start somewhat of a program where I work now and make sure it is kept going then how fun would it be to move on to other place and help them get an education system set up.
I know there is a way to do both. I just have to take the time and learn about them both together. I have to research different programs to see what is out there and what I can be a part of. Even if it is only for special needs children that would be great too. I know they are the ones that need the biggest help. Starting an education here where I work now could be a start of something new for me in the future. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me after this. I just have to keep pushing myself and giving myself time to do things with it.
Sorry, I felt like I had to write today because a lot was on my mind and I've been in the writing mood a lot lately as you can tell. Words are coming to be easily and I love when that happens because my entries actually make sense and I feel like I'm in another world when writing them down. This is really just a short soapbox for me right now but it would be neat if I could find a way to do both. Maybe that is what I need to look into more? Maybe this opportunity is God telling me that this is what I want you to do but first you need to try it out in a less common place instead of a big organization.
My love for the Orphans and for education can go together somehow. I just have to find out a way that is already out there or that I can organize myself.
My Love for the Orphans is driving me to get them a education, which those are two things that I love. If I could find a way to keep doing it for the rest of my life how I would love that job. I'm fighting for an education for them because the first 5 years are the years they learn the more. It is science proven. Right now, though, it seems so hard because I have people around me that think it can't be done but those two things are my passion so I will find a way.
My Love for Orphans is greater beyond compare. I want to help them and education is the only way I feel like I know how. Teaching is a strong point of mine because I have been raised that way all my life. That and the farm. If we could fit those two things in that would be great. If I could start somewhat of a program where I work now and make sure it is kept going then how fun would it be to move on to other place and help them get an education system set up.
I know there is a way to do both. I just have to take the time and learn about them both together. I have to research different programs to see what is out there and what I can be a part of. Even if it is only for special needs children that would be great too. I know they are the ones that need the biggest help. Starting an education here where I work now could be a start of something new for me in the future. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me after this. I just have to keep pushing myself and giving myself time to do things with it.
Sorry, I felt like I had to write today because a lot was on my mind and I've been in the writing mood a lot lately as you can tell. Words are coming to be easily and I love when that happens because my entries actually make sense and I feel like I'm in another world when writing them down. This is really just a short soapbox for me right now but it would be neat if I could find a way to do both. Maybe that is what I need to look into more? Maybe this opportunity is God telling me that this is what I want you to do but first you need to try it out in a less common place instead of a big organization.
My love for the Orphans and for education can go together somehow. I just have to find out a way that is already out there or that I can organize myself.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Love is a Choice
"You don't just fall in love. Love is a choice because you choose to invest in a person."
I heard this quote from church camp a long time ago when I was a consulor to some jr. high girls and it hit me then. The message was kind of the same at church this past Sunday so the quote came back to mind and it is, again, the perfect time in my life for it. You might be asking what in the world do you mean by this quote because as humans we think we just fall in love I mean that is what all the movies show us, right? Love, especially deep love, is so much more then that.
Deep and meaningful love is a choice because you chose to invest in a person. You can "fall" for just anyone but it takes someone special for you to invest in and spend time with and maybe, hopefully, the rest of your life. I call it "deep love" too because that is a neat way to think about it between God and us. God had such a deep love for us that he chose to invest in us and give us the time to choose if we what to invest in Him. We choose to invest in Him when we take the time to study the Bible and talk to Him along with following what He has planned for us.
I love being a single women and seeing this with our Creator before being married. You hear all the time that the marriage relationship should be that of the one that is between you and God. I started to question it not to long ago but now I'm starting to see the beauty of it. I mean just by choosing and investing in one person is beautiful especially when you look wand see that is what God is doing to you. Don't you want to be loved that same way and don't you want to love someone else in that same way.
Yes, we are human and we will ever be able to reach that love that God has for us as his children but that is the beauty of His Love. We can still try to reach that and love people like that or near that every once in awhile. It is also so sweet and beautiful to see that even though we mess up so many times God still loves us and cares for us. I hear people say sometimes that there might not be "the one" for us, the perfect one that girls dream of. That prefect prince in shining armor. Really, on earth there isn't a guy like that because we are all human and will mess up but that is why we want to make God the center of our lives before marriage and of course during marriage. That's why we can't be unequally yoked.
Really, that prefect prince in shining armor is God and our focus should be on Him all the time. Girls, we are his princesses and He will take care of us all the time. Our focus should be on Him because if it isn't how can we serve our human husbands if we can't even serve on Heavenly One. He just brings a man that will take care of us and that we can have campanionship with on this earth. He still wants to be a part of our lives whether married or not because a human cannot make us fully happy ever. Sorry guys. :)
Remember, we don't fall in Love, we choose to invest in a certain person. Just like God chose to invest HIS LIFE AND SON in us.
I heard this quote from church camp a long time ago when I was a consulor to some jr. high girls and it hit me then. The message was kind of the same at church this past Sunday so the quote came back to mind and it is, again, the perfect time in my life for it. You might be asking what in the world do you mean by this quote because as humans we think we just fall in love I mean that is what all the movies show us, right? Love, especially deep love, is so much more then that.
Deep and meaningful love is a choice because you chose to invest in a person. You can "fall" for just anyone but it takes someone special for you to invest in and spend time with and maybe, hopefully, the rest of your life. I call it "deep love" too because that is a neat way to think about it between God and us. God had such a deep love for us that he chose to invest in us and give us the time to choose if we what to invest in Him. We choose to invest in Him when we take the time to study the Bible and talk to Him along with following what He has planned for us.
I love being a single women and seeing this with our Creator before being married. You hear all the time that the marriage relationship should be that of the one that is between you and God. I started to question it not to long ago but now I'm starting to see the beauty of it. I mean just by choosing and investing in one person is beautiful especially when you look wand see that is what God is doing to you. Don't you want to be loved that same way and don't you want to love someone else in that same way.
Yes, we are human and we will ever be able to reach that love that God has for us as his children but that is the beauty of His Love. We can still try to reach that and love people like that or near that every once in awhile. It is also so sweet and beautiful to see that even though we mess up so many times God still loves us and cares for us. I hear people say sometimes that there might not be "the one" for us, the perfect one that girls dream of. That prefect prince in shining armor. Really, on earth there isn't a guy like that because we are all human and will mess up but that is why we want to make God the center of our lives before marriage and of course during marriage. That's why we can't be unequally yoked.
Really, that prefect prince in shining armor is God and our focus should be on Him all the time. Girls, we are his princesses and He will take care of us all the time. Our focus should be on Him because if it isn't how can we serve our human husbands if we can't even serve on Heavenly One. He just brings a man that will take care of us and that we can have campanionship with on this earth. He still wants to be a part of our lives whether married or not because a human cannot make us fully happy ever. Sorry guys. :)
Remember, we don't fall in Love, we choose to invest in a certain person. Just like God chose to invest HIS LIFE AND SON in us.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Learn About Happiness
"Sometimes we have to learn how to be happy". It is so neat to see happiness where I work because you know the children are really happy when they are and it is the process of how they get to be happy moving from their situation to ours. So much can be done with just a routine and someone you loves them. I have recently seen some children that came in really upset and sad but when they left they were happy and smiling. One child was homeless and the other child was living in a bad house.
The homeless child was a girl that her dad "gave up freely". Now some of you might be thinking why would he do that but he cared enough for her to do that because he knew it would be better for her them being homeless. It was so sad to see her come in on her first day because you could just tell by the clothes she was wearing that she was homeless. I didn't think anything about it until I found out that why she was there. She was a mess. Very clingy to me and cried all the time. Didn't want to play with her peers. Didn't want to be by herself and would hit her head on her pillow when she would go to sleep. She would also cry if I was not the person in the room with her. She was very attached to me. Her hair was a mess but we had someone cut it and she looked really cute.
Before she left, her attitude changed totally around. She would play with her peers. She would laugh and smile more. She "let go" of me. Wasn't so clingy to me. She calmed herself down and went to sleep on her own. I still needed to be the one in there when I was there but she did fine otherwise. I didn't want her to leave because the week before she left she was all smiles and laughter everyday and that was the first week she was like that. She went back and forth a lot depending on the day but that week was so life changing for me just to see how happy a child can be yet been through a lot.
The other child living in a bad house was a boy. He told us a lot about what he remembered of his house. He talked a lot about pipes and was interesting in the drain in the bath tub. He loved to "work" on the toy cars we had in the gym. He would actually get under the car and pretend he was working on it. He came in his first day not playing but just sitting around. He would not go play with his peers at all. He would just sit at a table and cry and say he wanted his mommy, daddy and sister. He would play alone a lot outside of the rooms. Before he left, he would play with his peers. Talk a lot more. He cried a lot less. He also when he got there would cry when his sister left from supper and if he saw her there he would cry too. It got to where he didn't want to sit by her as often and he just whined when he saw her instead of crying. He would stop faster once he got busy playing.
It is so neat to see how a child's life can change just in 3 months or less. Sometimes you don't think about it until after they leave and you miss them and start talking about them to people. I will have stories to tell from this job and a lot of them.
The homeless child was a girl that her dad "gave up freely". Now some of you might be thinking why would he do that but he cared enough for her to do that because he knew it would be better for her them being homeless. It was so sad to see her come in on her first day because you could just tell by the clothes she was wearing that she was homeless. I didn't think anything about it until I found out that why she was there. She was a mess. Very clingy to me and cried all the time. Didn't want to play with her peers. Didn't want to be by herself and would hit her head on her pillow when she would go to sleep. She would also cry if I was not the person in the room with her. She was very attached to me. Her hair was a mess but we had someone cut it and she looked really cute.
Before she left, her attitude changed totally around. She would play with her peers. She would laugh and smile more. She "let go" of me. Wasn't so clingy to me. She calmed herself down and went to sleep on her own. I still needed to be the one in there when I was there but she did fine otherwise. I didn't want her to leave because the week before she left she was all smiles and laughter everyday and that was the first week she was like that. She went back and forth a lot depending on the day but that week was so life changing for me just to see how happy a child can be yet been through a lot.
The other child living in a bad house was a boy. He told us a lot about what he remembered of his house. He talked a lot about pipes and was interesting in the drain in the bath tub. He loved to "work" on the toy cars we had in the gym. He would actually get under the car and pretend he was working on it. He came in his first day not playing but just sitting around. He would not go play with his peers at all. He would just sit at a table and cry and say he wanted his mommy, daddy and sister. He would play alone a lot outside of the rooms. Before he left, he would play with his peers. Talk a lot more. He cried a lot less. He also when he got there would cry when his sister left from supper and if he saw her there he would cry too. It got to where he didn't want to sit by her as often and he just whined when he saw her instead of crying. He would stop faster once he got busy playing.
It is so neat to see how a child's life can change just in 3 months or less. Sometimes you don't think about it until after they leave and you miss them and start talking about them to people. I will have stories to tell from this job and a lot of them.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Lost and Searching in the 20s
People might think that this is a sad entry when they read the title at first. It is a really good thing for me to think about, though. I am 26 years of age going to turn 27 in about 4 months and I'm still searching for my place in life. What got me thinking this way is a Bible study that I started taking this past Sunday at my church called "The Signfiance Women". It is about the personal mission that God has for us as women. It has a part where I think about the life experiences that have happened in my life so far and it goes all the way up to the 90s but I'm so young I only get to fill in 4 boxes.
It is funny because my 14-20 and 21-27 box is not big enough in the book. I had to get a notebook size piece of paper and write all my experiences out on that. When I was writing them all out, I noticed 2 themes in the good and the bad experiences. I was loss and searching for where I fit in life. I have had the oldest members of my family pass away, moved a lot to different places, and high school life. I've lost friends and gain new ones. I've been on mission trips during those time because I was searching and wanted to travel the world.
I used to think when people would say, "oh, 20s are the times where you grow and live and experience" I didn't think it was true but it is. I see why some people including me are not married in their 20s even late 20s and I'm glad I'm not. I have no idea who I am yet and probably never will because I will keep changing and searching but I can get a good idea know of who I am. The 20s are the adventure of a lifetime and you do what to live them to the fullest. Make your dreams come true. See what kind of group of people you get along with in "real" life, not because you have to but because you want to. You want to stick with that person or that friend because you have things in common and you can see they care.
Looking back at my 20 years even though I have 3 more left, I realize that I can't and won't regret those years because those are the years that changed me. We thinking being loss and searching for meaning is hopeless but when we look to God in that time, we are only growing more in Him and we make our older life stronger. It is funny because the job I have right now fits my life and it might be children I'm hanging out with now but they get it in their own little way. It is the first time you are out on your own exploring how good of choices you can make on your own through the good and the bad.
I'm thankful for the 20s years. I, sometimes, get on to myself because I can't commitment or settle with one job or person or anything just yet but now I see it doesn't matter. I see I'm still learning about myself and seeing what I can and can't do but yet I am enjoying every min. of it because I love to learn. That's the teacher in me. Lost and searching is a good title for the 20s. God gives and takes away to see what you can handle and why not do it young when you still have the energy to put up with the stresses it brings.
For me, I have been through a lot in the last 7 years but at the same time I would not trade it for the world. It has been so God-driven too. Some moments I look back at and think how did I ever get through that moment or that year. Now I know it was God there with me along encouraging me and building me into the women He wants me to be.
It is funny because my 14-20 and 21-27 box is not big enough in the book. I had to get a notebook size piece of paper and write all my experiences out on that. When I was writing them all out, I noticed 2 themes in the good and the bad experiences. I was loss and searching for where I fit in life. I have had the oldest members of my family pass away, moved a lot to different places, and high school life. I've lost friends and gain new ones. I've been on mission trips during those time because I was searching and wanted to travel the world.
I used to think when people would say, "oh, 20s are the times where you grow and live and experience" I didn't think it was true but it is. I see why some people including me are not married in their 20s even late 20s and I'm glad I'm not. I have no idea who I am yet and probably never will because I will keep changing and searching but I can get a good idea know of who I am. The 20s are the adventure of a lifetime and you do what to live them to the fullest. Make your dreams come true. See what kind of group of people you get along with in "real" life, not because you have to but because you want to. You want to stick with that person or that friend because you have things in common and you can see they care.
Looking back at my 20 years even though I have 3 more left, I realize that I can't and won't regret those years because those are the years that changed me. We thinking being loss and searching for meaning is hopeless but when we look to God in that time, we are only growing more in Him and we make our older life stronger. It is funny because the job I have right now fits my life and it might be children I'm hanging out with now but they get it in their own little way. It is the first time you are out on your own exploring how good of choices you can make on your own through the good and the bad.
I'm thankful for the 20s years. I, sometimes, get on to myself because I can't commitment or settle with one job or person or anything just yet but now I see it doesn't matter. I see I'm still learning about myself and seeing what I can and can't do but yet I am enjoying every min. of it because I love to learn. That's the teacher in me. Lost and searching is a good title for the 20s. God gives and takes away to see what you can handle and why not do it young when you still have the energy to put up with the stresses it brings.
For me, I have been through a lot in the last 7 years but at the same time I would not trade it for the world. It has been so God-driven too. Some moments I look back at and think how did I ever get through that moment or that year. Now I know it was God there with me along encouraging me and building me into the women He wants me to be.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Where's God?
This is just going to be a short little story of something that one of the little boys did and said at my job. I started to take the time to talk to him Friday night about what was going on in his life. Just sitting him on my lap and listening to him tell his story his way and I know I wrote about it 2 enteries before this one. Going back after the weekend, I saw a whole new him yesterday.
He acted amazing! No misbehaving. He did talk more like a baby which I was sad about but when I reminded him to talk like a big boy he did. When another peer would try to make him mad, he would just go somewhere else away from that peer instead of getting mad at him. No dumping toys out. He was like a whole new child just because someone would sit and listen. He also made me a card that I found in my mailbox before work yesterday with the help of another teacher.
He would not go to bed again last night for the other teacher so I took him in and tried to talk to him again. That didn't quite work so I read to him and gave him a little toy to hold. I read him a disguised story about Daniel and the Lion's Den and he kept asking questions like little boys do. He seemed to have no idea what the story was really about but it was cute because he did ask a question I'll never forget. He was looking at the pages on his own while laying down to relax and he turned to one page and asked, "Where's God?" He remembered me saying the word "God".
I, of course, gave him a "real" answer that he could understand so I told him he was up in the sky on the page because the author had drawn a little bit of sky. By now you all should know how my mind works so that question went into adult form for me. Through everything that I have been and am going through, "Where is God?" in all of that. Am I trusting Him or just going about my day? AM I making a difference for Him? Earlier that day, God had answer one of my many prayers and I thought about that too. That as long as I had to wait patiently for Him to answer, He came through like He always does. It was just a great reminder and went right along with my day yesterday.
I challenge you all to ask yourself, "Where is God in my life today?" because it will help you be more focus for Him and on Him. You are likely to see things and do things in His way and for Him if you a focused on Him.
He acted amazing! No misbehaving. He did talk more like a baby which I was sad about but when I reminded him to talk like a big boy he did. When another peer would try to make him mad, he would just go somewhere else away from that peer instead of getting mad at him. No dumping toys out. He was like a whole new child just because someone would sit and listen. He also made me a card that I found in my mailbox before work yesterday with the help of another teacher.
He would not go to bed again last night for the other teacher so I took him in and tried to talk to him again. That didn't quite work so I read to him and gave him a little toy to hold. I read him a disguised story about Daniel and the Lion's Den and he kept asking questions like little boys do. He seemed to have no idea what the story was really about but it was cute because he did ask a question I'll never forget. He was looking at the pages on his own while laying down to relax and he turned to one page and asked, "Where's God?" He remembered me saying the word "God".
I, of course, gave him a "real" answer that he could understand so I told him he was up in the sky on the page because the author had drawn a little bit of sky. By now you all should know how my mind works so that question went into adult form for me. Through everything that I have been and am going through, "Where is God?" in all of that. Am I trusting Him or just going about my day? AM I making a difference for Him? Earlier that day, God had answer one of my many prayers and I thought about that too. That as long as I had to wait patiently for Him to answer, He came through like He always does. It was just a great reminder and went right along with my day yesterday.
I challenge you all to ask yourself, "Where is God in my life today?" because it will help you be more focus for Him and on Him. You are likely to see things and do things in His way and for Him if you a focused on Him.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Good Support Group Matters
"Don't be selfish, don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others better then yourself. Don't think only about your own affairs but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. Your attitude should be the same that of Jesus Christ. Though He was God He did not demand and cling to his rights as God. He made himself nothing, He took on the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in the human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal's death on a cross."- Philippians 2:3-8
These verses are ones I have looked at but haven't been doing a great job of lately. I've been so busy at work and so set in my ways and woe is me type attitude that I haven't cared for my friends as I should have been. Because of that, I'm losing a lot of them if not lost them already. Some friends are telling me to look to other people and help them and my attitude will change a lot. I don't know what has gotten into me this past year. I love to listen and encourage that was a big part of me in college.
We had this encouragement box at BSU and I would love to write a note in there or even pass them out the the people they belonged to. As I am out in the real world that has faded away a little bit and I hate that. I would love a job where I could just listen and encourage and get paid for that. Good group of supportive friends do matter and I want to be one of those friends. I had a real hard time this weekend just fighting different things that the devil threw my way and i had friends come up beside me and just "hold me" and encourage me to keep on going. They gave me some advice, verses, and other ideas to look into. Even though, I know God is my Guide and Leader He can and has used those friends in so many ways.
Saturday night I just felt like I wanted to be alone at church and I was. I sat by myself because I had a hard week at work. Most people don't believe that the devil can get you when you are alone. Well, now I believe because without my support group of friends at church, I feel like the devil has tried to get me two times in church while I'm by myself. The strange thing is all the people were "missionaries". One from Costa Rica and the others from a Latter of Christ Church. Not impressed at all. For me, they were all too pushy and if you know me personally you know what I mean by that. No one calls me on the phone just after the first time we met or calls me beautiful when they don't even know me deeply.
I truly believe though that the devil saw those chances of where I was weak and worn out because of work so he tried to get me but every time I have had a friend or few friends that I could turn to for help. To make more sense of what happened Saturday, I got up in the middle of the early morning and just started to cry and my head was hurting non-stop and I just felt really sick and hurting all over. I've had these fits before and I've had other fits where I will just start screaming and crying really hard uncontrollably for a few mins. Something will set it off but then I think back and would be like why did I do that again.
I'm not trying to scare or make anyone believe. This probably isn't the best place for me to share this but I just want people to know that the Bible is true and the devil is out there and will try to get us at our weakness, alone moments so you need to have those strong, good, supportive friends beside you at all times. Knowing you can run to them and this weekend for me, I saw that a lot. I saw who was there for me and who was not in many ways. I know I also have been complaining a lot too and that people that will just listen to my complaining mean a lot too.
If you don't have a good supportive group of friends, I would recommend on getting one. For all my friends that read this, thank you for helping me grow more into the person that God has made me to be but I know He isn't done with me yet and won't be until I meet Him in Heaven. :) I want to be there for you all too. I know I need to do a better job at it.
All this to wrap that verse I started with up. "Looking to the interests of others will keep you God focused and keep your mind off of yourself. Other people need you more then you need yourself."
These verses are ones I have looked at but haven't been doing a great job of lately. I've been so busy at work and so set in my ways and woe is me type attitude that I haven't cared for my friends as I should have been. Because of that, I'm losing a lot of them if not lost them already. Some friends are telling me to look to other people and help them and my attitude will change a lot. I don't know what has gotten into me this past year. I love to listen and encourage that was a big part of me in college.
We had this encouragement box at BSU and I would love to write a note in there or even pass them out the the people they belonged to. As I am out in the real world that has faded away a little bit and I hate that. I would love a job where I could just listen and encourage and get paid for that. Good group of supportive friends do matter and I want to be one of those friends. I had a real hard time this weekend just fighting different things that the devil threw my way and i had friends come up beside me and just "hold me" and encourage me to keep on going. They gave me some advice, verses, and other ideas to look into. Even though, I know God is my Guide and Leader He can and has used those friends in so many ways.
Saturday night I just felt like I wanted to be alone at church and I was. I sat by myself because I had a hard week at work. Most people don't believe that the devil can get you when you are alone. Well, now I believe because without my support group of friends at church, I feel like the devil has tried to get me two times in church while I'm by myself. The strange thing is all the people were "missionaries". One from Costa Rica and the others from a Latter of Christ Church. Not impressed at all. For me, they were all too pushy and if you know me personally you know what I mean by that. No one calls me on the phone just after the first time we met or calls me beautiful when they don't even know me deeply.
I truly believe though that the devil saw those chances of where I was weak and worn out because of work so he tried to get me but every time I have had a friend or few friends that I could turn to for help. To make more sense of what happened Saturday, I got up in the middle of the early morning and just started to cry and my head was hurting non-stop and I just felt really sick and hurting all over. I've had these fits before and I've had other fits where I will just start screaming and crying really hard uncontrollably for a few mins. Something will set it off but then I think back and would be like why did I do that again.
I'm not trying to scare or make anyone believe. This probably isn't the best place for me to share this but I just want people to know that the Bible is true and the devil is out there and will try to get us at our weakness, alone moments so you need to have those strong, good, supportive friends beside you at all times. Knowing you can run to them and this weekend for me, I saw that a lot. I saw who was there for me and who was not in many ways. I know I also have been complaining a lot too and that people that will just listen to my complaining mean a lot too.
If you don't have a good supportive group of friends, I would recommend on getting one. For all my friends that read this, thank you for helping me grow more into the person that God has made me to be but I know He isn't done with me yet and won't be until I meet Him in Heaven. :) I want to be there for you all too. I know I need to do a better job at it.
All this to wrap that verse I started with up. "Looking to the interests of others will keep you God focused and keep your mind off of yourself. Other people need you more then you need yourself."
Friday, September 5, 2014
When God Reminds You.......
It has been a long week but everything turned out good at the end. God always gives you those little moments to remind you that He puts you in a place for a reason. I had two of those reminders this week and some hard ones too. I could write an entry about each one but I know I won't have time so I'm going to write all about them in this one.
First, one of my girls had to have surgery for her ears and throat at the same time. She had to stay over at the hospital overnight so I went there to be with her in the morning. Let me tell you I was shocked when I first went in her room. Seeing that little girl asleep with IVs and everything else hooked up to her. After hearing what went on the night before, it was truly a miracle. She also cried while me and another co-worker was trading spots. Then she went back to sleep for awhile after I held her for a bit. When she woke up the second time, she actually smiled at me a little bit and ate a popsicle that I had to cut into tiny pieces.
It was a miracle that she smiled when she woke up because I had just got done praying for her in my morning prayer that she would get well sooner then later and that we would get to go back. After that one nap, she took one more before lunch and then woke up during lunch and ate a little bit and then stayed awake until it was time to go back. She watched some TV and I gave her some books to look at and she would smile at me off and on. I also thought of something while I was there that really got to me after lunch.
The drs. said that we might be able to discharged soon so I called people to let them know and give then an update and I got to thinking about things. What if this little girl didn't have anyone there with her. I felt bad that they didn't call me to ask for updates and see how she was doing. To me, it was like no one really cared. I'm not saying that they don't, I know they do but they were just busy. Sometimes we get too busy to think about other people or the ones we use to care about or old friends. It must have been rough not having a mom there at one of the hardest times in her young life. Just these 4 random people, not one person that can stay all that time. It was like she had to cry and be scared all over again and that crying was not good for her. I remember thinking that I have this job for this reason and I did feel like a "preacher" or "missionary" going and visiting her. You know how they visit people from church when they are sick?
Then I just had a reminder again tonight when one of my little boys woke up from bed. It has been a long time for me where I could just sit down and talk to any of the children because things have been busy at work being short handed and all. Well, tonight I got to sit down and talk to one of my boys about how he felt and he felt scared. It was a long process but worth it all. We went to ghosts being in the jungle to him wanting me to take him him because he wanted Mimi and mommy. It was so sad. I had to remind him that he was safe where he is now and that mimi and mommy had to make good choices before they could see him.
He started to talk about his Mimi for a little bit but then he started to cry so he went back to talking about the jungle and some animals that lived there. He kept repeating that he was scared of this and that in the jungle so I asked him if a hug would make him feel better and he said, yes so I hugged and rocked him for a bit. While we were rocking, he started to talk about his mommy and how he wanted me to take him to her because he wanted to sleep with her. He also talked some about someone laying down beside him on his bed and yelling at him. It was creative yet scary for me too. I love to talk to children and get stories like these because then I try to think about it and see what they mean. Children can't really explain what they feel so they try to explain by using what they know and sometimes it make sense and sometimes it doesn't. It could make a neat short story someday.
God knew what I needed to be reminded of and why I am there for this season of my life and He knew when I needed it. It was after a very hard and long week. He knows us best, we just have to trust Him.
First, one of my girls had to have surgery for her ears and throat at the same time. She had to stay over at the hospital overnight so I went there to be with her in the morning. Let me tell you I was shocked when I first went in her room. Seeing that little girl asleep with IVs and everything else hooked up to her. After hearing what went on the night before, it was truly a miracle. She also cried while me and another co-worker was trading spots. Then she went back to sleep for awhile after I held her for a bit. When she woke up the second time, she actually smiled at me a little bit and ate a popsicle that I had to cut into tiny pieces.
It was a miracle that she smiled when she woke up because I had just got done praying for her in my morning prayer that she would get well sooner then later and that we would get to go back. After that one nap, she took one more before lunch and then woke up during lunch and ate a little bit and then stayed awake until it was time to go back. She watched some TV and I gave her some books to look at and she would smile at me off and on. I also thought of something while I was there that really got to me after lunch.
The drs. said that we might be able to discharged soon so I called people to let them know and give then an update and I got to thinking about things. What if this little girl didn't have anyone there with her. I felt bad that they didn't call me to ask for updates and see how she was doing. To me, it was like no one really cared. I'm not saying that they don't, I know they do but they were just busy. Sometimes we get too busy to think about other people or the ones we use to care about or old friends. It must have been rough not having a mom there at one of the hardest times in her young life. Just these 4 random people, not one person that can stay all that time. It was like she had to cry and be scared all over again and that crying was not good for her. I remember thinking that I have this job for this reason and I did feel like a "preacher" or "missionary" going and visiting her. You know how they visit people from church when they are sick?
Then I just had a reminder again tonight when one of my little boys woke up from bed. It has been a long time for me where I could just sit down and talk to any of the children because things have been busy at work being short handed and all. Well, tonight I got to sit down and talk to one of my boys about how he felt and he felt scared. It was a long process but worth it all. We went to ghosts being in the jungle to him wanting me to take him him because he wanted Mimi and mommy. It was so sad. I had to remind him that he was safe where he is now and that mimi and mommy had to make good choices before they could see him.
He started to talk about his Mimi for a little bit but then he started to cry so he went back to talking about the jungle and some animals that lived there. He kept repeating that he was scared of this and that in the jungle so I asked him if a hug would make him feel better and he said, yes so I hugged and rocked him for a bit. While we were rocking, he started to talk about his mommy and how he wanted me to take him to her because he wanted to sleep with her. He also talked some about someone laying down beside him on his bed and yelling at him. It was creative yet scary for me too. I love to talk to children and get stories like these because then I try to think about it and see what they mean. Children can't really explain what they feel so they try to explain by using what they know and sometimes it make sense and sometimes it doesn't. It could make a neat short story someday.
God knew what I needed to be reminded of and why I am there for this season of my life and He knew when I needed it. It was after a very hard and long week. He knows us best, we just have to trust Him.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Preparing for the Process Called Life
Are we ever prepared for the Process called "Life"? If we were, we would get nothing done and it wouldn't be as much fun. I was talking to a friend of mine earlier last week and we were talking about being prepared for dating or going out with another person. First I thought, "Ok, that is neat that this person wants to be prepared before actually going out because it is nice to know about things and know what to do." Then as the weeks went on, I got to thinking about the real meaning behind it down deeper because I'm a deep thinker. This thought came to my mind, "Will we really be prepared for the process of meeting that person and then that first date with that person or the next step in life or so on whatever it might be?" We can get prepare the way we think "being prepared" mean but ARE WE REALLY PREPARED?
Through my experiences and job lately the answer for me is "no" and for me that is a tough answer. I'm the kind of person who likes to have things planned out and know what the next step is going to be in life. I am a big time organizer because it helps me get things done. I always had my life planned up tip after I graduated college. It was there that it all started to undue and just almost 2 years ago it got so messed up and changed completely but it is better then I ever thought it would be in so many ways. God knew what He was doing.
Like I said if I had to pull something away from this chapter or moment in my life with this job it would be that "you can't prepare for any process in life". I have so many examples just from my job now and all that has been going on there. I would have to say that I learned that from the children too because you know they do not plan what will happen to them next. They have no idea just like we have no idea what is next in our life. We are all the same in that way. When I look at my life that way, I can't be more blessed then I am now.
When I started this job, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Yes, I have been on mission trips to orphanages and other places but still had no idea what it would be like in the states. The children have touched my life in so many ways there every one of them along with some of the staff and co-workers. I have worked by myself with the preschoolers and never thought I would. I have seen things I never thought I would in real life. We have children come in and out in a day that is planned 15 mins before they get here. You have to change what you do and how you do it for every new group of children or even child.
I learn new things everyday of how I can changed what I do through the co-workers. Things have happened these past few years whether at work or just my personal life that I never thought I would have to go through or be apart of from job to friends. I have different friends for different parts of my life. I'm learning new things about me and sometimes feel like I'm starting over in a lot of ways. Things are happening like I never thought they would. Meeting people where I never thought I would. I wish I could go into more details on some of what is happening because this entry would make more sense but I don't want to point fingers at anyone so I won't. Good or bad.
You just have to go with the flow of life. When you do that, it just seems a lot easier. When you don't plan or prepare, you have nothing to worry about. I'm not saying let go of your beliefs or goals but I am saying especially on your goals do not be set on them because God might what something else for you that you don't know yet. Honestly, depending on your beliefs, I know mine are what gets me through any times, the good and the bad.
Life is truly a process but it is a process that we can never really be prepared for. Things happen and we have no control over them but we can trust the One who does and that is God. He knows what is best for us better then we do all the time. Just to think about something too. God doesn't like us being prepared because it is when we are not prepared that He give the best things to us. We get too focused on our plans that we forget about Him sometimes. When we can be ourselves and just live life and TRUST HIM that is when life will be in "order" but not in the order.
Through my experiences and job lately the answer for me is "no" and for me that is a tough answer. I'm the kind of person who likes to have things planned out and know what the next step is going to be in life. I am a big time organizer because it helps me get things done. I always had my life planned up tip after I graduated college. It was there that it all started to undue and just almost 2 years ago it got so messed up and changed completely but it is better then I ever thought it would be in so many ways. God knew what He was doing.
Like I said if I had to pull something away from this chapter or moment in my life with this job it would be that "you can't prepare for any process in life". I have so many examples just from my job now and all that has been going on there. I would have to say that I learned that from the children too because you know they do not plan what will happen to them next. They have no idea just like we have no idea what is next in our life. We are all the same in that way. When I look at my life that way, I can't be more blessed then I am now.
When I started this job, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Yes, I have been on mission trips to orphanages and other places but still had no idea what it would be like in the states. The children have touched my life in so many ways there every one of them along with some of the staff and co-workers. I have worked by myself with the preschoolers and never thought I would. I have seen things I never thought I would in real life. We have children come in and out in a day that is planned 15 mins before they get here. You have to change what you do and how you do it for every new group of children or even child.
I learn new things everyday of how I can changed what I do through the co-workers. Things have happened these past few years whether at work or just my personal life that I never thought I would have to go through or be apart of from job to friends. I have different friends for different parts of my life. I'm learning new things about me and sometimes feel like I'm starting over in a lot of ways. Things are happening like I never thought they would. Meeting people where I never thought I would. I wish I could go into more details on some of what is happening because this entry would make more sense but I don't want to point fingers at anyone so I won't. Good or bad.
You just have to go with the flow of life. When you do that, it just seems a lot easier. When you don't plan or prepare, you have nothing to worry about. I'm not saying let go of your beliefs or goals but I am saying especially on your goals do not be set on them because God might what something else for you that you don't know yet. Honestly, depending on your beliefs, I know mine are what gets me through any times, the good and the bad.
Life is truly a process but it is a process that we can never really be prepared for. Things happen and we have no control over them but we can trust the One who does and that is God. He knows what is best for us better then we do all the time. Just to think about something too. God doesn't like us being prepared because it is when we are not prepared that He give the best things to us. We get too focused on our plans that we forget about Him sometimes. When we can be ourselves and just live life and TRUST HIM that is when life will be in "order" but not in the order.
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