Run with the Devil

         This month has been strange for me and has went by fast. I can't believe it is almost over. It seemed like it just started. It has been a strange month but yet a good month at the same time. As you can tell, I have been thinking and writing a lot and things have changed for the better. I am more content then usual but I just didn't get that way this month. I had a hard run with the devil a couple weekends ago it seemed like. People would say that I'm crazy if I thought the devil was messing with me but I strongly believe he was.
         Two weekends ago, I was doubting what was going on in my life and just worrying about everything happening around me. I worried so much that I got up in the middle of the night with my head hurting really bad and I just started to cry and scream out loud. I thought at first it was because my head was hurting that bad but now as I look back and looked at everything that has happened since I believe it was the devil testing me in a way. It was around the time I was really wanting to know if I got the morning shift at work and I had friends' problems around me. I was just really stressed and wanting to know what to do with my life.
        After that Sunday when I let it all out the night before, I felt calm and at "real" peace like God had my back now. Since then, things have been great! I have started to encourage friends more like I use to because there have been chances to do that. Seems like I had my eyes opened more. I got the new shift and love it! I'm just more at peace and starting to like and get who I am in Christ. I also started a Bible study right after that happened. More about that to come later.
         These past weeks I've seen chances to touch the children's lives at work. I've seen chances to touch friends' lives where they needed me most even though it worried me a lot more then they know. I kept my head up for them. Those situations have helped me see and learn again that I do love encouraging people and getting to really know them. Honestly, I think I was getting to stressed at work especially just waiting for that spot or even to see if I got it. Because with that, I thought if I didn't get it, then what would I do with my life but now I think I can stay for a longer while.
          Funny how God can use the devil or how we let the devil get to us in little ways and then they turn big. I didn't think it would stress me out or I didn't care about that chance or other situations but I did care about them more then I thought. Sometimes I wonder if I cared about them more then I did God. Cared about my future and what I would do more then I did God. I wasn't depending on Him like I should have. I didn't trust Him like I should have. It taught be that I can trust Him and should trust Him. He will come through with the best things for me even when my heart says "this will happen" I need to trust it because that is God talking to me about something.
            I feel like He is saying that about another certain situation so I just have to learn to trust it and leave it at His feet like I have everything else. It is like I get so worked up when things are about to change for me and I know they are good things but still hard to trust. It is also like I can tell they are about to happen for real before they really do happen. That can be a gift but at the same time it can be a curse because you start to doubt is this me wanting this feeling or is that God giving me that feeling and telling me that. Like a friend has said before: You need to listen to what God is saying instead of what you or other people want. This month as been a spiritual month for me but I've loved it. Seen all the changes that has happened to me and around me just shows me that God is at work on this earth. He is walking with us and keeping us safe and leading us. TRUST GOD AND HE WILL LEAD YOU TO HIS BEST FOR YOU!!!!! He might break you on the way but it is to, only, build you to be like Him.