The Road Less Traveled

         Do you ever get that job that you love but yet you feel like it is holding you back from more? Do you ever what to be able to do more? Have you ever just felt stuck and scared because you have no idea how things are going to work out in the future? Here is a job that you love and could live with. Best job in your life yet and meaningful but yet you feel like there is something more inside of you that you could share if you keep going? That is how I feel at this moment in my life. I feel like I'm at a fork in my life's path. Don't know which way to go and scared if I go either way. God wants us to depend on Him so at a point in life He will bring us there to that fork in the road.
         My two roads are going back to college or working where I am and just hoping and praying to be that stay at home mom that I always wanted to be. I'm think about going back to college to get my Master's in either special ed. or something to do with children's behavior like human behavior or psychology or mental health even but I'm scared of what those degrees call for. I might have to take undergrad classes for some before I go for my Master's. Then there is always the money problem. It might take longer then I can take. I might have to change what I'm doing right now just to have the time and emotions to focus on the classes.
        Then the second road is hanging more times with friends and job and just focus on friends mainly guy friends so I can be that stay at home mom but that seems to strange for me. I want to use my time wisely and that doesn't seem very wise. All my family has been to grad college or wants to go back but in the same problem as me. It runs in my blood that I need that extra education and I love learning. I also made the dumb mistake of not getting a minor with my undergrad so that is why I feel like I can't do anything. I do have some education classes so that is why I'm thinking more towards the special education master's with a Applied Behavioral certification.
         I'm just scared and probably don't have enough trust in God that He can provide the money and job that I can settle with and start a family with after my Master's degree. It would for sure keep me busy and my mind on something else for a few years. :) There is also so many things I want to learn and so many ways to get a certain degree. The colleges' websites don't know you the jobs or what you can do with that degree afterwards. You have to guess off of what you know and have researched yourself. It just seems like so much work for right now and that is why I think I need to change some things in my life but again that is scary. Trust in God is all I need though. Why is it so hard to have that? It is so simple to say but yet so hard to see or get.
         God is showing me things that I love to do at this job now. I have this little girl that loves to be taught and I take a few mins. out of my way to let her do things like write her letters and make a craft. I love that one on one with a child especially when they really need it. I love hearing their stories as awful as they might be. Like today, I felt happy when I was teaching her to write her letters but yet all this week I have been worrying about her because her fits are just getting worse and worse like unsafe worse. She really needs help but I'm not trained to do that and there are other people to really get to the bottom of their actions. All I can do is hug and hold them which is great but I want to do more. Maybe that is just my personality and heart but it is true. If that is my personality and heart, then I need to be doing something that can fill that hole even more.  Right now, I'm just praying which road I should take and trying to trust God that He will make it happen in His Timing.