Mission-like Faith

         I know that I am going out of order for a little bit but this is just something that I need to write about and get it off my mind. Something that I feel like God is teaching me but not in the way that I wanted Him to but it could only be better because it is His Way and not mine. It all as to do with my financial situation. I'm not going into detail because that isn't right but it is strange in some ways. It is strange when you see your whole life was dependent on money when you had but when you don't or not that same amount, it really worries you.
         You are freaked out all the time and really have to be careful on how you spend it because you don't have that money to waste. For me, it is more time alone in my apartment because I can't go eat out or have coffee with friends. Sometimes I wonder if that wasn't my problem before everything happened that recently has happened to me. I wonder if I got so caught up in money that I just didn't care about what job I got or what as long as it paid good. I will admit it got to the point where I was worrying about getting my raise at work.
           It shouldn't be that way, though, should it? You need to trust God and He will get you through those tight spots. Well, now I guess I am paying for that. The title is Mission-like Faith because isn't that how missionaries field while they are on the field. For me, it should have never came to that point and I don't know what made me that way. Still trying to figure that out. I know I needed to be there for the children and just the children so why was money so important to me.
          Well, now as you can guess I'm trying to rebuild my bank account with this new job. While I am doing that, it is making me see that money isn't everything and that life can be lived in a simple way. I love the simple way of living when I have the choice of spending the money but when I have to leave it because I don't, that is the hard part. It is a BIG lesson in TRUSTING God with everything even the "little" things like money. I only got a taste of what missionaries feels like sometimes and how they have to trust God and churches to give them money. I, even, understand how starting your own business can be hard when you don't have the money and you have to trust the people around you and God and yes, that would build your faith stronger especially if it is turning out better then you ever thought it would.
           Don't know if He is getting me ready for some mission like business or if He just wanted me to see how it feels so I could "relate" to those people. I think my last job was a mission in itself and you know missions sometime have a certain time limit and mine was 2 years and I lost some money in those 2 years and I have to learn to get back on my feet after "coming back" from that mission. I wanted to be on a mission and I asked God and He gave me the whole package but in His Way, not mine. I think it is going to take me the rest of this year and maybe some of next year, just to get settled back down if God will let me.
            Another mission thing about it is God knew I was getting too comfortable that so He wanted to move me so I would trust Him again. It seems like that has happened since I have graduated college. Just as I get comfortable, God moves me on to the next thing. I had a mission between my "real" preschool jobs but now I am back and ready to teach again. The funny thing is it was in the states, not in another country. At the same time, though, it is also sad that I can do mission work like I want to in the states where we have all the resources but that is for another rant and another time.