Rejection is a Kind of Suffering

        I know I need a better title for this entry like I do most of my other entries lately but it isn't about the title. It should be about the entry itself. Maybe this title will get you thinking as you read the entry? That is my hope at least because this one will be a thought provoking one. I find it kind of strange that I am writing this entry a week til Easter and it is the perfect topic for Easter and what that holiday is all about. I think Easter will mean a lot more to me this time around then it has lately. I was going to try and wait til later in the week but my other blogs wrote let me write in them so I had to write something, somewhere.
        With all the rambling aside, let's get down to the really reason I'm writing this entry. As you all know, if you have been keeping up with my blogs, my church has been talking about suffering for the past few months, maybe a month or 2. It is so strange because you could be suffering and not even now it until one of the sermons being tears to your eyes. Don't get me wrong I have had times in my life where I have suffered and knew that but when you are going through it now and not want to really admit it is hard. I noticed last night that for almost a year now and will be a year this July that I have been suffering through a lot of things.
          Yet I am that strong and stubborn women who won't admit it to myself or anyone else for that matter. God always knows what we are truly going through, doesn't He? He did with me this past few months. I will say that since last July, I have felt the pain of rejection so many times probably more times then I have had in my life altogether and that is saying a lot. I guess what I didn't realize til last night was how Jesus went through that same rejection on the way to the cross. I think last night's sermon made me feel closer to Jesus then I ever felt before in my life, which is a good thing and moment. Yet in the times of rejection, His Father (Our Father God) knew what to do and how to handle it.
           My Preacher gave us some reasons of why Jesus was rejected by His own people (us) right before the cross and here they are:

-Grew up from a dry land, meaning no one from his hometown believed him when he said he was the Messiah. His town sounded good but it was good to him. (Deepwater for me)
-He had no outwardly beauty like a king would. No beautiful garments or jewels.
-He came into this world quietly and humbly.
-He wasn't what the people were looking for.
They were looking for a king with all the pretty, worldly things and that was loud when he talked and commanded but that wasn't Jesus at all.

          Because of all of this Jesus knew how to relate to us as people. That is how much He cared and loved us.

           All this to say that this past year has been like that for me down to every word but yet God knew what He was doing with me then and in the future. I suffered so much at the shelter that I had to be let go because I wouldn't do it myself. I didn't want to leave those children because in that big mess so of course God had to do it for me. I felt like I was rejected from every job interview and in my money situations during my time off. I felt really rejected after getting let go because as far as I knew I was perfect for the children but they said otherwise and acted otherwise.
            I was just not myself and had such bad thoughts about me and of course my grandma passing away right after that wasn't good either. That just gave me no hope for anything but again God knew what He was doing even through that. I got to spend time with my grandma before she passed and time with family during everything that was going on. After all that happened, I got a great new job at a great preschool that I love now. God just kept taking the worries and stresses off of me after I took that job.
          I started to see someone at church every Saturday night that I haven't seen there but a few times in the four years that I have been going there. That was a huge blessing in deguise now that I look back on it. God never fails to use that person in my darkest times of life and I should have known from the start that God was up to something when I first saw that person. Then getting that lead teacher spot after Christmas. Then wanting and actually going through with the baptism because all of this led me closer and in love with Christ more. Now in a week it is Easter. See what I am trying to get across. God does have a plan for us and His Timing is prefect. We might not see it in the now but when we look back we just might see it. I sure did.
          Not to forget to mention that this past week before Easter, I have told myself 3 times that I am finally happy and content with where I am in life. That for me is a big step in life. I have never been able to think or say that and really act on it and agree with it. I have said it in hopes of making be feel better but I don't think I've actually meant it til this past week. God knew what He was doing even if I couldn't see it through all the mess that I was going through for the months at a time. Yet after I thought all the mess was over, He happened to plan these suffering sermons at church so I could see what He has done for me.
           That is just a little bit of what God has done in my life and is doing right now. I am truly blessed and at peace about where I am in my life right now. I wouldn't want it any other way.