Learning and Growing Through the Changes

          I'm learning and growing a lot this week and will be doing those two things this month too. It has started out hard for me. May ended hard and June started hard but I can get through the changes. It only grows and teaches me things. New things about what to do and new things about myself and people that I care about that I didn't know.
          Let's start with my job that I do truly love and am blessed to have in so many ways. Let's just say that I really feel like a teacher and that is good because I want to feel that my entire life but it is hard at the same time. I am the Lead toddler teacher and this is what I am learning right now. We are, of course, transitioning because the Pre-K is going to Kindergarten in August so they are graduating and every other child is move up one room. Just at work there is a lot of changes going on for me. The children I started out with in the toddlers' room are moving up and leaving me and the children that I started with in the infant room are moving up again with me.
          That is really a joy for me in a way once I get everything figured and when they are turn one year old. Through all of this though, I am learning a lot about the children and me because this is my real first transitioning year. I was always the floater and not the teacher at the other places or the children would stay only a few days. I never knew how my mom or sister felt until this past few months. It is hard letting go of the children you had for half a year. Now I know what it is going to be like letting go of this group of children next May. Even harder.
         I am even leaning to ask more questions because I have to with these children and that is really hard for me to learn. Same with asking for help. I cannot just make it work by myself, I need up with the children if I am going to have 12 toddlers on bottles, baby food, and so on and just 2 teachers. I am also asking for clarification because there are so many parents that want so many different things done for their own child that the other children are not getting. Not complaining, just learning here and there. I want to be the best teacher and person I can be for the children and parents. It just makes me so nervous if I might think I will mess up.
         But I am looking forwards to growing with them, day by day, and hour by hour. I get to them learn to walk, learn to color, learn to eat real food, learn to talk in sentences and the list can and does go on. I get to read and sing to them which is such a joy for me because that is my biggest passion, I think. I can teach them new songs and more. Thinking all of these things I can't wait for next May already but then at the same time, with the person that I am, I am stressing out about those things too because I don't want to mess up.
         I have also had 3 assistant teachers either quit or changed on me during all of this changing too so I had to change things up in the room for them. Take things down and put things up and the list goes on. Who cares about me? I want to make them comfortable because I am comfortable so they will feel like helping out. That is probably just some of my servant's heart right there. Right now, with the new group of children, I am even having to change up the schedule and routine a little bit to make their day better.
         That is just my career life but when I take you into my personal life it only gets worse or has been lately. Things are changing there too. Things I don't want to change but know for now that they have to. I have to let go and see where God will take the situations. I won't go into details to save my friend because I have that respect for my friend. It is hard, though, letting go not knowing what you did wrong or you do but then you wonder why the talk didn't happen face to face. You wonder a lot of things that could have been different to save that friendship but God has something else in store. Hopefully, we'll talk again in the future but we'll just see.
         Just this week, after thinking about the situation and how I want to write more back then I already did, it is all making me think about me. Is my friend doing the same thing I did a year ago for another reason? Do I need to help because I have been through it or leave it alone? That would be easy but not if you are the cause of it. I learned how the same we are but my friend as no idea about that. I learned how much I really care for this friend. Usually I am worried for my friends when things don't turn out like I want them to but this friend I am scared for. Those two feelings are different feelings too. That is something else that I learned this week. I was just thinking they were the same in the situation but no they are different.
          I also kept thinking about how I need to say sorry and I somewhat agree with it because I could have wrote the letters a little nicer but then again I am not. I said what I have thought for a long time and I just pray that it will help my friend in the future. For me to say something that I thought for a long time and that was pretty meaningful, then it means something, I am not just saying it to get a reaction or to say something back or to have the last words. I mean it.
          I'm also learning that I do things for a reason and some of those things I need to stop if I want to have a better future at all in these types of situations. I am also growing a lot more in trusting God with everything and just letting go of it and holding on to God. Maybe more like being help by God would be a better way of saying it. I have a lot of verses that have came to my attention this week about trusting God and letting Him lead me and being committed to only Him and other things along those lines. I'm just done being strong for people. I need help. I'm going to say what I think and God can have the rest. It isn't that I don't care. It is just that I need to go on with the life God has for me for now.
         Hopefully soon, I can get some entries up here about what those verses and/or songs have meant to me those everything that is going on or did go on. I still have another month of new children coming into my room. I still have to see how to handle this situation between my friend. It is like I am learning about the things now and did in May but now in June and so on those things are going to help me grow more into the woman God wants me to be for Him.