Finding Out a Little Bit More About Myself

      When you go through things that can grow you, it is always an adventure. It can be things you knew but never wanted to admitted or it could be new things you learned about yourself. It could also be something you could use for the future like marriage and family. I have had a big adventure these past few months starting with questioning my passion.
        I have had a lot of questions going through my head and doubts but I like where I am right now in life. Still learning but that is okay. I can look up at the sky and see the bright stars above me. I am truly happy for once and I am single. That means a lot. Everything that is or has happened in the past months to now as been a process for me. 
         Here are a few things that I have learned and not scared to admit. When I had to move in with my brother and sister in law, it was hard, even spending only two weeks with them. That drove me nuts because I have lived by myself for 4 years, starting on 5th year. That made me see how much I have grown independently and on my own, which was nice to see. It also showed me more problems I have as a person but that I can also overcome those problems with help. 

         One thing I learned there is that I like things just my way. That is good and bad. It is good because I know what I want and what I believe. It shows me that I can stand up for what I believe in. It also shows me that I am not the only one around myself because there are other people I have to take in consideration around me. You think I would know that but I must have forgot living by myself all these years. You do have to plan around other people if you come in contact with them and that can be hard. That might be the bad part about it. Now I can kind of tell what I need to work on if I ever want a roommate or even husband in the future. 

          Another thing I have learned about myself through that is that I can be and always have been a little OCD about things. I like my routine and my things in their places. If they don't have a spot, then it really does drive me nuts. Something else to go along with that is that I don't like changes even the smallest ones. When there is little changes in one big change, I am so confused and a mess. It is like I have to stay in one room for awhile because I get use to it and have a place for everything. Once I move, I have to start all over again and try to find everything again. 

           I was also worried about my things all the time. Am I going to have enough food? Where did this thing go? Can I eat theirs or do I need to eat my food? Do I need to buy more of that for me/them or can I just use theirs? The questions just kept going in my head. I know it is strange and I should feel like I could do anything because they are family but that is my anxiety and OCD kicking in. The good thing about all of this, though, was that my nephews and nieces got to spend a lot of time with their aunt and they loved it. 

             Strangely enough, and I am not saying this to be unthankful at all, but I'm glad I found a new apartment as fast as I did. My future husband is really going to have his hands full and he will need to be a very special guy for me. It was just good to be back on my own schedule and routine again without worrying all the time. My new job has also helped me and is still helping me with finding out who I really am in the career field too. I've learned a lot just in the past two weeks that I have been working there then I have in a long time. 

           I started my new job with the Kindergarten group because that was the age I was use to and did all my life. I thought I was just tried of working in daycares and preschools one after the other but that wasn't it at all. It was that I needed a break from those children. They can really keep you busy when you least think about it because they did everything done for them. While it might be fun, it is hard at the same time and you need a lot of energy to do it. I learned that I am not that adult with that kind of energy anymore.

           I am slowing down at the age of 28. :) Not really, I ended up with the group of 3rd and 4th graders last week and I love them too death. They are so freeing. They can do things themselves and you don't have to help them much but yet you are there if they need to talk to someone. For me, it is a nice break after being with preschool and below for about 8 years. At least, their work seem to make much more since then the younger children's work. I made play dough with them yesterday and they loved it. They mixed it and played with it for awhile after we were done making it.

           At the same time, I am realizing that maybe I was made for something having to do with public schools and not just random preschools and daycares anymore. Now that I am thinking about it, the first preschool I taught at was hooked on and part of a bigger school/college. That was the College of the Ozarks Child Development Center. I guess I didn't think about how different different places are when they aren't hooked on to something else. 

           I know there are more things that I have learned in the past months but those are just some of the main things that I can remember that I have learned. Things that just came to my mind as I was going through all the changes that I have been through recently. The most important thing that I have learned is that "God always will be by my side and leading me to where I need to be at the right time and place."