I am in my car during my lunch break from work. I am at a park but not outside because it is too cold. For lunch, I am eating an apple and drinking a pink drink. Enough about what I am doing, I am on here to tell you about my morning this morning. Something came over me when walking into work this morning.
That something was contentment and peace. If you know me at all, I am the kind of person who likes to plan for the future. I am also the kind who gets stressed easily. After my Christmas break, though, I felt at rest. I am finally at rest and content with my job but it is the things around me that I am not. Things like my apartment, my relationships, and my health.
I am content at my job for a couple of reasons. I went in this morning and a peace just came over me. I was not of this world when I first walked in. I haven't felt that way with a job after a break for a long time. I remember last year when I came back my job was so stressful and I was worrying about it all during break. I also spent shorter time with my family with that job then I did this time around. There was nothing to worry about because the numbers and ratios where okay. I guess the other reason was I just stepped into a school where I have been all my long and where I belong for now.
I will also say that during break I got a lot of hugs and talking done with my mom and other people and played a lot with one of my nieces or all of them really a lot this break. That might be strange to some of you. Before break, though, I felt like I was honestly unloved and about ready to give up. I just needed my Love languages filled and living along that is a hard thing to get at times. It felt good spending time with my family. So much that I miss them right now while I am writing this. It was just something about being home for me. A different feeling. I will also say that I got to spend a couple of days seeing a really close friend of mine too, which was special.
That something was contentment and peace. If you know me at all, I am the kind of person who likes to plan for the future. I am also the kind who gets stressed easily. After my Christmas break, though, I felt at rest. I am finally at rest and content with my job but it is the things around me that I am not. Things like my apartment, my relationships, and my health.
I am content at my job for a couple of reasons. I went in this morning and a peace just came over me. I was not of this world when I first walked in. I haven't felt that way with a job after a break for a long time. I remember last year when I came back my job was so stressful and I was worrying about it all during break. I also spent shorter time with my family with that job then I did this time around. There was nothing to worry about because the numbers and ratios where okay. I guess the other reason was I just stepped into a school where I have been all my long and where I belong for now.
I will also say that during break I got a lot of hugs and talking done with my mom and other people and played a lot with one of my nieces or all of them really a lot this break. That might be strange to some of you. Before break, though, I felt like I was honestly unloved and about ready to give up. I just needed my Love languages filled and living along that is a hard thing to get at times. It felt good spending time with my family. So much that I miss them right now while I am writing this. It was just something about being home for me. A different feeling. I will also say that I got to spend a couple of days seeing a really close friend of mine too, which was special.
That content feeling stayed with me for about 5 mins. and then it was back to normal but it was just so good to feel that way after coming back from a break. It was strange too because I had a busy break but yet it didn't seem like it was that busy after looking at the children I know. It just felt like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I didn't have to learn anything new, didn't have to stress about anything, or didn't have a new place in the system. It has been 3 and a half years since I have felt this at a job that I like. It went on has normal with no rumor updates either. Honestly, the children were great too! I had no problem with them at all.
It was a strange feeling and I wish I could describe it better but it is just a moment you have to have yourself to know what it feels like. Now, my job is where I get away from the other things in my life that a bothering me when it use to be the other way around. It is a place I can go out of my smelly apartment right now. It is a place where I am busy with the children so I don't think about a lot of things. It is a place where I can just be me and no one judges me. It is a place where I know I am appreciated. If I am stressed out about my future, I go to work and just play with the kiddos and forget all about it. I don't even worry about my money situation when I am there.
I don't carry those things in with me because I know I'm too busy with the kiddos. I felt like God was saying, "this is the right place for you right now, you don't need to worry about your future. I got that under control." He does and I know that but sometimes it is easy to forget that too. At the same time, though, I sometimes wonder if I have grown so much since last Jan. I have been through some hard things since then but I think they helped me grown up a lot. I might write a entry about this transition when it happens but I wrote a friend telling them that I might change churches because I feel like I don't belong there anymore and that I needed one closer to me. It took me about a half of a year to say it and do it but I did today and now I am okay with that.
God is working a lot in my life like He does every Jan. and makes me think about the life changes I need to make and will make. A lot of them now are just for my life right now. I need to be happy and joyful with God in my life so that is what I am aiming for this year or at least at the start of this year. We'll see where it takes me the rest of the year.
No comments:
Post a Comment