Breaking It Down

         I have been up since midnight thinking over Christmas and some other things that are going on in my life. One of the things that I was thinking about is breaking walls that I have built with people over the years. By that I mean, I have built walls to keep people out to keep people from knowing the real me and because of that reason I have no true friends yet. People try but without knowing I build up a wall to shut them out. It doesn't matter if it is a girl or a guy. I don't mean to do it either that has become a habit for me sadly. I had to do it all through high school so I wouldn't get hurt too bad.
         I didn't notice that it was a bad habit that I had since here recently because of a Bible study. When I think about breaking my own walls down so I can get to know people better and vice via, I think about the children that I come in contact with everyday. In a way, emotionally, I'm just like them. Yes, I have lived a better life but I have been hurt during it too. Might not of been by my family but was by my friends. It is scary how much any human as in common even little children with adults.
         I woke up thinking this morning that I am helping those children break down some bad walls. Walls where I totally understand if they didn't want to trust another human being in their life. Walls where they already had to start building at preschool age and they don't even know what they are doing and why. Walls to keep them safe and unhurt. Walls to keep having fun when everything around them is taken away. Walls of changing homes every 3 months or shorter time. I break down every one of those walls or want to but sometimes I only have enough time to break through 2 or 3 of them.
          I took that thought back to the walls I have because of high school. Walls where I wasn't good enough. Walls where I was dumb. Walls where I didn't fit in where I should have. Walls where I wasn't pretty enough. Walls where I couldn't even trust my own friends because they would stab me right in the back day after day. Just like those children I can't break them myself. I need God and friends to help me break them down. I need God to break down those walls and show me who I am in Him and that He loves me for me. Just like I show those children at work that I love them no matter how they behave and who they are capable of being. Yes, there are limits but I don't treat them as bad as some of them have been treated. I never could.
         It is like the child as to please every foster home plus their own parents because they still want to go back to them but for now they are in a foster home so they put on a front. Even if they move from foster home to foster home, every set of parents are different so they have to put on a different mask. These poor children have no idea who they are or can be. As a child of God, we have that gift to be thankful for. We know who we belong and He never leaves nor forsakes us. Sometimes we do go from thing to thing or person to person to try and fit in in this world, but eventually if we are a child of God He calls us back into His Arms.
         Just like trying to help those children break down those walls, it isn't easy to break down your own by yourself. Those children have so much help to look to if they only would and knew how. AS "normal" people we have that choice too. We have friends and family around us that will show us we have fallen off the path of God when we do. We have people who care enough to really get to know the real us. The children in the foster care system. Well that is it, it is a system and sadly the children are treated like that. There is a God who loves them and they should know that and have a choice to follow Him because no one will break down those walls but Him. We can try and help but they don't tell us everything so we don't know everything. Only God knows everything and only He can fix everything. He is all knowing and a wonderful Father.
          This is what I have been thinking about since midnight today. See why I couldn't get back to sleep. Now it is time to get ready for work so it will be a coffee and pop kind of day for me so I can stay awake and energetic for the children.