Breaking Free

          Looks like I'm only getting to write once or twice a week right now. Sorry about that. Things have just been really busy and they're not looking like they are going to slow down anytime soon. I had sort of a week where I was trying to find myself. When I say I was trying to find myself, I mean where I belonged, what church group I belonged to. It has been hard but I know where I belong now even through it might not seem like it and that is because I'm not doing my part.
          I went to a Pentecostal church last Sunday and then a small group at that church on Tuesday night and for me it was just really different. Church was great but the small group just didn't fit my personality. Yes, I need to come out of my shell some but it was just too much for me. There were things I was iffy about because I wasn't raised that way at all. I was raised Baptist for the most part. Those are two totally different things. Yet I was baptized in a Christian church. I'm too personal where I don't want anyone else to hear what I'm praying most of the time and I don't have that strong feeling. I love my friends that goes to that kind of church because they seem so happy and free but it is just not what God has for me. To me, through a teacher's eyes, Pentecostal is more hands-on while Baptist/Christian is more thought and alone based. Get what I'm saying? So the group at the Pentecostal church was not for me.
           I tried a new Bible study at the church I'm going to now and have been since I moved to AR and it has my name written all over it. It is a Beth Moore study and it is called "Breaking Free". It has a book to follow along with plus verses to look up. I want things written out for me, not just spoken to me. It just seems to fit the moment of life that I am in right now. I just turned 27 and have no idea where my life is going. I love AR and I want to stay in the state but it doesn't have want I'm looking into doing right now expect down south and that is not the good part of AR.
           As of now, I want to go back to grad school for OT. Right now, a college in Springfield, MO is looking good but that means I have to leave everything in AR behind. The only thing that is stopping me is the great state of AR. I'm trying to find out a way to live near AR but yet go to school in MO. Maybe leave somewhere in the middle where it is an hour each way? I wouldn't mind that but yet there is another problem. The other problem is I need some kind of job to keep money coming in so I can pay for tuition. A job plus college would be that I would be driving all over the place and time for nothing else. I want to do some online but I don't know if that is possible with an OT degree.
             Right now, I'm trying to "break free" of my wants like living here and living my life out for God. I'm trying to see where God wants me now and in the future. Having an OT job would be a great job with a family but yet what about being to busy to even find a husband. I know I'm still young to some people and I shouldn't be worrying about that. I should go get my Master's but I am. Maybe it is because I have a certain way I want to see things turn out? Again, I need to let "break free" of my plans and things that hold me back and just trust God with those things. Trust that if it His Will He will have those things waiting for me for when I get back.
              There was a word that really got me Thursday night at the Breaking Free Bible study. The would was "Captives" and how Beth Moore described it in her book. She said it meant, "God's people that live in the past off and on." It isn't random people like we think it means. We can be some captivating by our past that we forget what we have ahead or where we are now. We are so focus on how we messed up our past and we don't want to do that to our future. We won't mess it up if we let God have control. I'm going to go into more detail on that would in another entry if I can and what it means to me. Why I have been captivating for so long?
                Then another word that got me last night was the word "again". I didn't realize how much I use that word out loud and in my mind until last night. To me, it is a sinful would be it gets me stuck in places I shouldn't be. I ask myself sometimes, "why am I in this again", why did I do it this way again", "If I do it this way again.....", "that happened again and I knew it would", and so on. If I noticed that I'm doing the same thing again and again shouldn't I change that pattern but if it is one I've done all my life it is hard for me to change it.
                 There will be a lot more interesting entries now that I'm in another Bible study. I will just have to find the time to write on here because I have study pages to do that take about 30 to 45 mins to finish but I want God to work through me. I've had it with this again and being chained up. I want to break away and be free in Him. I pray that this study will work for me in so many ways. I might also write about the ways I want to break free. I could do more at my job but I know I need to do a lot more in my relationships and friendships. I hide so many things that I shouldn't from my friends.
                 

Challenge: I challenge you all to break free with me as I'm writing in the blog about what I'm learning through this study. I hope you will let it change your life in some way.