God's Path for Me

         I hate to say this but since June my eyes have really been opened up a lot. I'm seeing how stressed and anxious I was with the job that I had back then that I wasn't trying to expand my friendships or life in any way or form. I would just come home and just be mad t the world around me or sleep but I was so exhausted on the inside. I would just think either about me or about the children I was working with. Probably more about the children because I knew I wasn't doing myself any favors during that job. There was just too much on my shoulders at that job and honestly it seemed like no one cared at all.
       I really believe that God had a purpose for me quitting that job because now I feel so much happier and can see Him so much clearer and what He is doing in my life now. I have time to talk to friends and time to think to spend with God and think about Him instead of the children. Now don't get me wrong I loved the children but I have the kind of heart that gets too involved in things and if I know I can't do anything about it, it kills me and with that job it did. It might not have killed me on the outside but on the inside it did and I hated it.
       When we can't see the reason that God is doing something at that moment, we wonder why and cry out to Him and think we know what is best for us. We try and make a deal with Him and see if it works but it doesn't. For me, with this job, I would be too sleepy or too self focused that I wouldn't think about other people even my friends. I wouldn't think about how just going up and saying a little "hey" to them would mean at least something to them especially this season or any time of year. I can't tell you the whole story just to save some embarrassment towards some friends but tonight I got a feeling that God is doing the right thing and if I just follow Him things will be good.
          One of my friends doesn't go to church a lot because they are always traveling here or there on the weekend but this one typical weekend they decided to stay home and I'm thankful for that. I saw this friend twice during the summer at church. Once in June and once in July and I didn't go up and talk to that friend at all because of the things going on in my life right about then. I know there were other times before that that I didn't go up to that friend because I was nervous or wasn't "feeling" like it. Tonight I told myself that I didn't have any excuse this time even though I was sick and probably looked it a little. It was the week before Christmas and my birthday and God showed me something in the weeks before that made sense friendship wise so I was going to talk to this friend no matter what.
          I did go up to this friend and we chatted for a little bit and it felt good. It was something not only did I need to do for my friend but I think more that I needed to do for me. To show myself, that I can do it. I mean I'm almost 28 years old. I need to live a little. :) I need to grow up and not be scared of every little thing around me. It is just odd how God has worked through these whole 6 months, just so I can go talk to a friend and not feel so awkward or like I was making myself go do it. I actually felt normal while talking and for me, if you know me, that is a big step. I have seen this friend I think at least a couple more times before June and I felt nervous each time but tonight was different.
         I just felt like God was saying, "Now is your time to go and talk to your friend. You have no excuses that you can make and you have been hitting yourself over the head when you don't. Your life is normal now so just go talk to the friend, even if it is just a little hey that is fine." I have been through a lot this year and in a way I have changed a lot this year too whether spiritual and/or emotional (I guess you would call it). It was just good to see that I could sort of end 2015 the way I did and maybe next year will be a happier year for me or at least better year then this year was. It was just want I needed in a strange way. I will say, strangely enough, I really, really believe God was literally pushing me towards that friend.
          I might be making a big deal out of something little but for me, at least, I know God can use the bad things to push us to the good things. That is all God has done for me this year. I know somehow, some way God has a path planned out for each of us and it might not be the easiest path but it is a path that will lead us where we need to be with Him. I just want to add I did all of this without being on my meds for a day, which is another really big step for me. Just to point out too this was all at and in a church where I feel the most comfortable to start with. I hope that the title and this entry goes together or that you get what I am trying to say with the both of them. The End.