God is Really Doing Something

             God is really doing something in my life but I still can't tell which way He wants me to go with it. I had a situation last year that really got me worked up for a few days and I didn't think about it much about it til this month. I have been trying to change some things about me and how I do some things. I hope that I have gotten better at not doing those things so much or not at all. It was just really strange this past weekend though. I knew the days were coming up and that it would be a year since everything happened and I could look back and see how I did. I forgot the exact date until I looked back at my email and saw the exact date of the letters. Now granted, I thought it was end of May and start of June but really it was just the end of May.
             Why I am making the statement: "God is Really doing something" is because this past weekend on the days the situation happened last year, I felt really bad. You could even say I was sick for a bit. Knowing me, though, I am not that one person that gets sick really easily but once I slow down and if sickness has been going around I could catch it and not know it until I slow down. This past weekend that is what I thought happened to me but as I look back at things. I honestly believe it was something really different for me. This whole month I have been thinking about these days and trying to think of a way I could solve it and hoping I was doing the right thing and not too much of the things that was disliked and so on and so forth. I even wrote a letter earlier this month that I have been freaking out  over a little bit every now and then.
             I can't really say what I think it was because I don't want to scare anyone away. That seems to be my favorite thing to do lately but those of you who have had the same feeling might know what I am talking about or trying to explain without saying it. I will say that there was of course and for sure some anxiety this past weekend because I was just thinking about it a lot this month and wonder what I would do when it came but at the same time I don't think that was all, even though some people might think that is all that was. You have to dig deeper and ask yourself, "Why would you be so anxious about days that things happened on?" If there is one thing about anxiety that I know to be true, it is always that it is could be and usually is triggered by another feeling or feelings. I also thought it was just anxiety because my routine is going to change again in little ways and I hate that but it wasn't going to big time so I ruled that out especially now that I know why.
            I will say too that the first full day of summer today went just fine. Nothing bad happened and the children were great. I was also getting up late in the morning and later for work then I would have liked to be most days last week. This past weekend, I just woke up Sunday (28th this year but 29th last year) and just really felt sick to my stomach and really sleepy all day. I will say to that Saturday night my legs were hurting and really tight or that is what they felt like anyways and I couldn't walk by the time I went to bed that night. I didn't know if I would make it to church that morning because my stomach was so upset. I woke up with it upset. I really didn't feel like eating much of anything and if I did it wasn't much at all. I went to take a Sunday afternoon nap and napped for like 2 to 3 hours. I got up and felt a lot better by then but I went back to bed at 10:00 and stayed asleep until the next morning.
            I will also say that the sermon that morning was titled "Confessions of Sins". I thought about how I had or at least hoped I had confessed my sins and that everyone in the situation knew that and forgave me too. The preacher also talked about God and how He forgave us. The preacher also talked about how blessed we are when God forgave us. There will be an entry with outlines about that sermon soon. The sermon just seemed to fit perfectly too. God knows.
            I woke up Monday (29th this year, 30th last year) and felt fine. I slept in until about 9:00. I was just a little sleepy but I had my eating habits back to normal. I helped my mom outside by carrying rocks and planting small trees. Then of course after that, my legs got sleepy again and I was ready for another nap so I took one at about 2:30. I was only going to lay down for 30 mins. but slept for about another 3 hours. I really didn't want to get up and head back to AR. For some reason, I just dreaded it this time really bad and I usually never do. I would get up from my nap and look at the time and think oh, I got a few more mins. and I did that about 3 times until it was 4:00 and ready to get up so I can pack to go home and eat supper before I did.
              I got up and just felt like crying, which was unusual too. I would cry when people weren't looking because I had no idea why I was crying or if I was crying because I was leaving home, I didn't want anyone to see that. I got up from that nap really irritated and just sleepy again. I left my parents' house and got back to AR and everything was fine. I had to toughen through it and get enough rest for the new day the next day.
              At this point, I am just clinging to the Hope we all know and Love. I am not trying to think deeper about it but I wanted to write it out just in case it was more. I know that might be funny to some people and not make sense to other but then something like this is hard to understand for the person going through it and observing it. That is why God should be the center of all the choices in your life. I've learn and grown a lot this past year and seen things I didn't see before. I can't go back to the past and fix things because trust me I would if I could but I can change the future by having God at the center of things.
            That is my goal, to love and be more open and understanding. I won't be perfect at it because there is only One who is but my goal is to be like Him in those ways.

First School Year is Over

        Well, today is the last day of the 2016-2017 school year and for me it is sad but a big deal at the same time. It is sad because I have no idea where I'll be next year. We aren't promised the school that we are at now. I was thinking the other day that I have been at that school most of the school year. I started this job in Sept. Of last year. I did kind of fall for my kiddos even though they are quite crazy at times. I still love them.
         Yeah, I get to see them over the summer, most of them anyways. I am just not their group teacher anymore so just not seeing them as often. It is crazy that I have spent a year under a public school job. It made me realize how much I miss working under them and with those types and ages of children. Just knowing what is going on in that community and see that I can really move up is encouraging. I mean they just passed another chance to build more schools in the area.
           Yes, I have fell in love with the 2nd grade over this year. I get to help out with the Kindergarten and first grade over the summer so that should be interesting to see how that goes. It will be a busy summer, that's for sure. Nothing can be worse then working all summer for a preschool/daycare. Compared to that, this summer is going to be a breeze. Everyone is warning me how much harder it is going to be but I just keep thinking at least it isn't with the littler ones.
          I am just not looking forwards to the full days again. I got spoiled over the school year. That is only for two months though so I can handle it. It has also been really neat to see the change in the 2nd graders. I still haven't seen it brain wise but I have seen it personality and behavior wise and for some of my children that was a big accomplishment​. We will see how I do with the change that might be coming next school year.
           I still have the summer to get through and the start of next year to see if I like everything about the program but I am sure I will like it. There couldn't be a more perfect summer theme for me to start with then a camping theme, which this summer is. It is something I can relate to too.
          I gave my 2nd graders a little end of the year sack as a present and they loved it. They had yo yos for the boys and lip gloss for the girls. Then they also had a little pen, some stickers, and some starburst candies​. I did let them open and play with the toys for a bit yesterday. They liked everything that was in the sack. I am going to break down again today and get some red, white, and blue ice pops for them to have a snack time for the last day/Memorial Day. I do spoil the children that I take care of because for now and in this moment of life, they are my only children too.
           Let's get this summer started! After this 3 day weekend, of course. I need a break for a little while before heading into the full days for the summer.

Love is a Mess

"Love is entering into someone else's mess."- 1 Cor. 13

Love is a Mess

Love is a mess. It starts as one
and ends the same. You are just
stepping into someone else's crazy
and messy life. Love was never meant
to be prefect especially here on earth.
There was only one perfect man and He
came down into our mess and died the
same way.

Love is a mess because of the sinful
world we live in. The world has you
thinking it will be easy and peaceful.
Was it that way when God won us over?
No. He had so many heartaches and people
hated Him but He still went on loving
even them. He had the patience and
kindness to win them over.

Love is not the happy ever after you
see in movies. Love is a mess worth
fighting for. Love is where you have
empathy for people. Where you care
and really understand them. There
will be the little messes that you will
have to clean up every now and then.

You can have each other and God to
get you through those messes. It is up
to God how big of a mess He thinks
you are capable of. He will give you the
prefect love mess for you. Love is just
entering into someone else's life. It
shows you are willing to deal with the
mess along side them. It is showing
that you will not be self seeking or
easily angered.

Love might be a choice but it is a choice
of what mess can God give you. It is a
mess that God can bring to you while you
are going on your journey. Other people
might pass you by until that one God has
picked out for you comes along your way.
They will pass you by until one is willing
to say, "I'll be glad to join you in this mess
of life and love." That special someone
is also willing to say that they will
always be willing to protect, trust, hope,
and preserve with you.

Love is getting to know someone fully
and accepting them just like they are.
No need in changing anything about
them, not even their mess. Yes, they
might make mistakes but so will you.
What is life all about when you live it
nice and safe? Love is also putting away
your childish behavior and really start
to care for the other person. When you
have loved long enough, you should
reflect parts of each other if not be just
like the other person.

Love is a mess but it can be beautiful mess
if God is at the Center of it. When you stick
together and clean things up or try at least it
is all the more lovely and meaningful. Love,
in itself, is a mess to explain but God will
show you and has shown you what real
Love looks like. It looks like a servant
honoring their loved one.

Love is not something that can fail and it
shouldn't be something that we let fail.
 Love is when completeness comes, and
what is apart disappears.




Written By: Tiffney Wilson

Written On: May 24th, 2017



Do you recognize some of 1 Cor. 16:13-14 in the poem?

Verses About God's Steadfast Love

Exodus 15:13

"In your unfailing love you will lead
    the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them
    to your holy dwelling."
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Numbers 14:19

" In accordance with your great love, forgive the sin of these people, just as you have pardoned them from the time they left Egypt until now.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deuteronomy 7:9

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lamentations 3:21-23

" Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning great is your faithfulness."

The Psalms

"If you're grateful that God has never stopped pursuing and rescuing you, let the world know with a joyful "Amen!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Psalm 18:6-24 (MSG):

"A hostile world! I call to GOD, I cry to God to help me. From his palace he hears my call; my cry brings me right into his presence— a private audience!

Earth wobbles and lurches; huge mountains shake like leaves, Quake like aspen leaves because of his rage. His nostrils flare, bellowing smoke; his mouth spits fire. Tongues of fire dart in and out; he lowers the sky.

He steps down; under his feet an abyss opens up. He’s riding a winged creature, swift on wind-wings. Now he’s wrapped himself in a trenchcoat of black-cloud darkness. But his cloud-brightness bursts through, spraying hailstones and fireballs.

Then GOD thundered out of heaven; the High God gave a great shout, spraying hailstones and fireballs. God shoots his arrows—pandemonium! He hurls his lightnings—a rout! The secret sources of ocean are exposed, the hidden depths of earth lie uncovered The moment you roar in protest, let loose your hurricane anger.

But me he caught—reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but GOD stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!

GOD made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I’m alert to GOD ’s ways; I don’t take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. GOD rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Psalm 121New Living Translation (NLT)

1 I look up to the mountains—
    does my help come from there?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth!

3 He will not let you stumble;
    the one who watches over you will not slumber.
4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel
    never slumbers or sleeps.

5 The Lord himself watches over you!
    The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
6 The sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon at night.

7 The Lord keeps you from all harm
    and watches over your life.
8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
    both now and forever.

Hitting Rock Bottom

         I feel like I've hit rock bottom. Not the bad rock bottom where you feel like you're hopeless but the other one. The one that you are done doing things by yourself. The one where all you can do is rely on God because you have no idea about your life and where it is going. The one where you feel like you've tried everything but nothing is working. The one that you see that you need to be committed to everything on your life because they are connected. If you are not committed, things will not go smoothly.
           Let's just say I've hit that special rock bottom that is before the age of 30. Here is everyone getting married and having a family by that age and I am over here totally confused. I haven't even started my dream yet. I haven't even fully learn to take care of myself fully I am seeing. I feel like I am going in a downward spiral when I am suppose to be going up. I feel like my eyes have been opened to a whole new world lately for some reason in many different ways and I don't know how to handle those ways.
            Ways like: staying at a job I like and eating healthy and acting healthy so I don't gain weight. Trying to see where to go with my anxiety troubles. Can I fix them without meds.? Seeing that everything costs money and that I don't have enough while living on my own. Seeing all my friends getting married and I am nowhere near that. Having certain feelings go away that I once had. Asking and getting help when it is hard. Accepting it too.
            Trying all these new and so called fabulous things to help me when really they don't seem to. Learning I am going to have to watch what I eat and how much I excise. Getting routines that are healthy. Do you see now why I feel like I have hit rock bottom? I have no idea what to do next in anything. I feel like I am frozen in time or going backwards like I said earlier. While I am going through all of this, I only have a few friends near me to talk about these things with. If this is what the 30s will be like for me, the next 7 months can go by really slow because as of now I am not looking forwards to my birthday. Something needs to change for me to look forwards to it.
            I need something to look forwards to but what. I need something to get me out of this rocky pit but what. New passion? New goal? New big area to be in? New church? More friends? I've tried new jobs in the past and new apartment this past year but I am still at the bottom it feels like. I am trying to go exploring more to make it more interesting but you can only do so much by yourself. If anyone has any ideas on how to get out from the bottom, please let me know.
        

Mental Health is Not the Same

            I try not to sure my personal feelings on here because I know it might cause people to worry but I am writing so people would more understand what I am going through and feeling like. I will try to keep it down to non worrying details. Don't get me wrong I appicate all the encouragement that I am getting and it does so me people care about me. I guess giving me ideas help too but when it is the same thing over and over, it gets old. When people give me the simplest things to do, it makes me mad even though I know people are just helping. If one person suggested it, don't you think I've tried it?
             This is one of the confusing things I keep going back and forth on. Most of the time, I just want someone to listen to and know they listening, not someone to try and fix me. That is part of my mental health problem. I can't stick with just one thing and feeling. I will say, though, that if I do stick with a thought or feeling and it's about you, you are very lucky. There must be something very special about you. Back to the whole mental health thing, I am going to write about how I feel when people try to fix it and think it is nothing but an easy thing to fix. I will also talk about how going to a mental health Dr. Is the same thing as going to a rauglar Dr.
               It is hard to pick one thing and just stick with it or at least it is for me. I have tried all of the things to calm my anxiety but can move stick with any of them. I know I have a big problem with commitment for anything too. People keep saying try this or that and I would say that I have. I just can't stick with it. The only thing, it seems, to keep a commitment to is meds but even then it is trying different meds. I want to get over it so bad but yet everything I seem to try works for a bit then stops. Sometimes it is me not wanting to go or it just seems like my body gets use to it really fast.
             Going to the mental health Dr. Is nothing like going to a plain check up Dr. Or anything to do with the outside or inside of your body. People are use to going to a body Drs. Because you have to to keep well. It isn't strange because everyone does it but once you say mental health Drs. Everyone gets so worried and worked up. You might even get people talking behind your back because they don't understand what they really do for a person.
             Most of the time you can see why a person needed to go to a Dr. Or when they went to one when it has to do with physical things. When it is mental health, it suripses everyone that you would really go. Why would you go to one? People would ask you. You seem just fine with me. That's the main problem with mental issues. No one knows how to see or recongize them. If you just look at me, you would think I am normal. When you really becomes friends with me and have to be around me often, you will see there is something wrong with me.
             Asking for help is hard for me to start with. So all of this could be sloved a long time ago but I was so in denil of doing anything about it because I could ever have anything wrong with me. Now I am paying for it with my whole life. Litually. I had two chances to change and that change would have been easier because it would have been on my parents' insurance instead of mine. I could use that $100 dollars for something else but no because I was dumb back then.
              

3 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself Everyday

            These are 3 questions that the leader of my Spring Bible Study gave us to answer at the last class. She wrote them on the board and we each answered all 3 of them. We had to answer them with what we learn through the 13 weeks of the Bible study. It was really good because the Bible study was "Experiencing God" so thinking about these questions after that Bible study, it was a meaningful last class. It was just also neat to see what the others were learning in the class and see their perceptive of things because we are all going through something different. Time to put down my answer to the questions from that class.



1. What did you learn about relationship with God?

            -Trusting God as a Lover and a Provider. Being real with Him and other people.



2. How has it changed how you live?

             -Trying to be more real. Seeing the true pain in myself and people and sharing that with others. It is letting me encourage people. Trying to be happy for them and then show them that I am.

3. Who will you share it with?

              -I have shared how I felt on the study and what I have learned a few times on here. One really strong time. I will also share it with my friends and family when they ask how I am doing. Just to be honest in that with all of them.



              These are some questions we should be asking ourselves after every Sunday or Saturday after the sermon. Ask them to yourself, even after your time with God in His Word or another Bible study you are taking. These are questions that need to be asked every day because we can see and do something with them. They are: What, How, and Who questions. They are good questions because they go over your relationship with God and how you will better it in the long run and with who will you share it with. When someone asked you why you changed something or an action, you have the script right in your head already.
              That is what I think of these 3 questions has: a script. Keep these in your head and you will be ready to answer any question anyone has for you about God. To me, it is just a shorter version of your testimony when I think about it. If the person you are talking shares that they are interested in hearing more, then you can go deeper into your testimony. Of course, the time people have is always a consideration too so this might be a little faster. I just know that I want to have these questions in my head and I will be working on that and when we work on it to help other people, who knows it might even help us grow stronger in the Lord because we are understanding and memorizing things better.
              
                      

                    Will you take the challenge with me?

Ideas on How to Teach Virtues

          I have had to be creative with ways to go over vitures​ with my after school group because they are having a hard time remembering how to act. I have been stressing them more and because of that it seems to be working. They are behaving a lot better but I have to remember to keep doing it or they will go crazy. It is sad but true. It is the generation that is growing up.
           I have an idea that I haven't done yet. The idea is put a viture word on a piece of poster paper and then what it means. The group would read it together​ every morning before we did anything else. That would be one way to get it into their minds and make them remember. They can see it and say it. Two ways of learning. The other way that I have been getting these words in their minds is: asking them questions about the word and for examples about what the word looks like in action. They really like this way because if they can get the meaning right and tell me right examples they get a piece of candy to eat. 

            I make sure everyone gets a piece of candy throughout the week so that by the end of the week they had should have had a piece of candy. I give them one of two chances throughout the day to answer the questions but they have no idea when the chances will be because I mix them up. They don't even know when the word will change. Last week we learned about the word "Compassion" all week and this past Monday. Yesterday I changed the word to "Respect". I might give that word a couple more days and then change to another word like "Teamwork". I really do need to introduce these children to a lot of new things to keep their attention and reward them but while I am rewarding them they are learning something at the same time.

           They are not just getting rewarded for helping me clean up after a long day or after I tell them to do something for me. They are, hopefully, learning at the same time. It is a good learning way too because I have had some of them give me great examples when I asked for the meaning of the word. I, even, had one child that gave me an example of Compassion as: "It is like being in someone else's shoes" and I needed that that day for a lot of reasons. Then there are these kids that have no idea what Compassion means or can't give examples of the meaning. I had one child that kept giving me examples of what they thought Compassion looked like but it was really tattling on a person. I love those moments because that is when we get to talk about the difference between the two and I can even stress "Compassion" more to that certain child because I know now who doesn't get it. 

              It makes perfect sense too because you can see it in the way that child acts around other friends. There are times I have to keep reminding that child to use nice words and she does but then they are days where I feel like I am starting all over with that same child. I might do this project/ activity with every group I get as long as I have this job because it is a good thing to teach the children. It give me that time to use my teaching skills that I love and don't get to use very often right now in this moment of my life. Hopefully, it will change their life for the better if they are paying attention and can remember things. It can be sad too because you can really tell which parents teaches these things at home and which parents do not. 

               Anyways, this was entry was more for me then for you all out that because I wanted to remember this activity and some of the impact it had on the children I have now. I also do use this blog to write down things that I want to remember about my children and what worked at that certain job because I know it is a place where I will look back in the days a head and read just to see how much my life has changed but of course I'm going to have to wait like 5 more years.

           

Where is that Hope When You Need it?

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, 
but those you HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:30-31



          I forgot about this verse until I heard it again at church last night. The word that stuck out to me this time was "Hope". It is funny that it happened then because I was just thinking about how I needed a verse with the word "Hope" in it. I was wondering what Hope really was and how I could get back to it. I know I need more then this one verse to understand Hope but it is a start. This past week was just hard for me too. I mean the verse says all the feelings that I was feeling this week. I was feeling tried and weary. I fell some many times and messed up a lot with myself and the children. I really felt like my strength needed to be renew because things were just not going my way and they still aren't perfect.
              I know God is in control and He knows what is best for me but it is hard to have that hope in Him when you can't see the good side of things right now. That is where I am at. I feel alone but I know I am not. I feel like I need to be noticed to be happy but I don't. How amazing it would be just to be on the wings of God and just soar freely with Him without thinking about any of those things? I want to run and not grow weary and walk and not grow faint. I will tell you, though, not only emotionally but physically too I feel those ways. I can only walk for about 10 mins. and I am out of breath. I feel like I will faint if I walk on longer then that. I would love to get back to running like I use to in high school but I get so weary when I do now.
            I get so easily tried and weary no matter what I try to do. I know I need to take better care of my body but that even wears me out at times. My falling this week would be being mad at my friends when I should be happy for them and eating candy when I really should be eating healthier food. I even went a little hard on the children this past week then I should have been. I didn't even thank God in the moments of hard times when I saw the little blessings. I waited til Friday to do that.
             I just need to find that HOPE in the Lord again. I just need Him to show me that there is HOPE in my life for something down the road. Right now, the problem is I have no goal or no plan for myself. I don't know where the Lord is leading me at all. I hear everyone take about their big future plans when what I thought were my future plans are in the process of getting shut down but I am trying to find new plans and new goals. I haven't given up yet. If I can get to that new plan or goal, then maybe that is how God will renew my strength in Him along with Hope.
            I will have to say that a lot of things this week that happened was because I walked on the strength of God. I was proud of myself because I didn't cry during the unplanned things that happened but that still took a lot of strength and wore me out to where I needed a lot of sleep. I love hoe God takes old verses that you know and turn them into meaningful things that are going on in that moment of your life. That is one great thing about the Bible. I remember learning this verse in college because I needed it, I am sure but now hear God is bringing it back to me because I need it in a whole different life and season. I can honestly say that I need it more in this season because it is way worse then when I learned it in college.
               Everything I'm trying to decide and thinking on is bigger and has a bigger impact on my life then when I first heard this verse in college. I might hold on to this verse for awhile like this could be my verse of the week or rest of the month. This could have been a verse to go on my last entry if I would have remembered it by myself. It is a good one for change and anxiety too. I'm going through a changing season so that is why I said that. God has taught me that He is my Provider, Love, Peace, and Daddy. Now He is teaching me that He is also my Hope in Everything. God is your Hope. You just have to remember to look to Him for the Hope that will never leave you.
                The answer to "Where is that Hope When you Need it" is: It is always with you. You just have to remember to ask for it when you get tried or weary. When you stumble and fall. God is your Hope and He will help you get back on your feet. He will give you the courage and strength to keep on going even through the hardest seasons of your life. It is in God's Strength and Provision for you. It is in God's Freedom that you have as His beautiful daughter or handsome son. His Hope never leaves you. It is always there but we just need a way to remember that and keep our eyes set on it, instead of other things.

24 Top Bible Verses About Change and Anxiety

Proverbs 4:23 (GNT)

-23 Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.



2 Peter 3:9

- The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

Deuteronomy 31:6

- Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Ecc. 3:1

-There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
Hebrews 6:19

-We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,

Isaiah 43:19

-See, I am doing a new thing!

    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

James 1:17

-Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Jeremiah 29:11

-For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Joshua 1:9

-Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

1 Cor. 6:11 (NLV)

- Some of you were like that. But now your sins are washed away. You were set apart for God-like living to do His work. You were made right with God through our Lord Jesus Christ by the Spirit of our God.



Malachi 3:6

-“I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.

The Two Cs

           This week I hate them both with a passion. If I could do without, I would. It is funny how the most unimportant things can cause you the most stress and trouble in your life. I have found out that with two things we have became too relying on them, it is sad. If one of those things messes up, then our whole lives are messed up. When I say cards, I mean credit cards. I hate dealing with these two things by myself. It brings out the worst in me and I hate that. I have dealt with that all this week. My credit cards for working and a flat tire on my car and to top it off my friend got engaged. Don't get me wrong I am really happy for her and I am not comparing anything. It is just something that happened this week that was new and shocking. Just threw me off a bit.
            I have been dealing with this credit card company for two days now. They have me on my parent's account and one of my own. I should only have my own account. It took us a couple of hours on Weds. To where we thought we had it to where we wanted it but that was wrong. I tried paying for my car and some other things with them and they both were declined. Now I have to deal with them by myself today after work. It won't be pretty. I am not looking forwards to it. Then I got done with work yesterday to find my car having a flat tire. I had two of my co workers still there so they helped me. We found a jantior at the school and he changed it for me. 

           I went to Wal Mart to have it changed and my two co workers followed me there just to make sure I would make it. It was a two hour wait so I hung out at Wal Mart last night. I went shopping some and then just sat for a bit in the car area and ate some snacks. My car got done around 8:45 so that is when I got to drive home. I got home at around 9:20ish but I didn't get to bed until about 10:00. I still had to eat supper when I got home so I cooked some pizza rolls and ate them. It was a really strange night for me. If that wasn't enough for my week something had to happen today to finish my week off just perfectly. Why mess up a pattern when it has happened all week right? This one doesn't start with a "C" but I thought I would add it in this entry just so I would remember this week.
           The fire alarms went off twice while we were at school with some of the children still left. It went off at around 5:15 and then another maybe 5 mins after the first one. We had to run outside two times and gathered the things to take with us two things. The children did a great job waiting on the grass. They were a little rowdy but not as bad as they could be with more of the children. The first time the alarm went off we had about 10 children and then we got down to 5 and then they were all gone by 6:00. I was really anxious by the time I got home tonight. I had to have some chocolate to keep me sane.
           I don't know what the point of this entry was or if it is meant to make a point. All I know is that I want to remember this week because the word "Hope" kept going through my mind, whether it was a quite hope and a hope I had to say out loud to get me through one of these problems. I want to look back on this week and remember what ever it was that I learned from all of this. I know I had to learn something because it was all very confusing and strange that it happened in the same week. I know that I also learned to look for the little blessings in the big bad things or at least I was reminded of that again. Those two things might be all I learned but I wanted to write it out just to make sure in the future. 

Do Children Have Compassion Anymore?

         Some days after coming home from work I ask myself, "Do children really have compassion anymore?" Do they even know what that word means? I was lucky enough to hit on it when they were hitting on it during the school hours too. "Compassion" is the word of the month for May. They were excited that we were going to talk about it too.
           It was sad that I had to go over what it meant though. We had to miss computer time because we needed to talk about it. My 2nd graders are so mean for 2nd graders. They will make fun of others because they are different, they will call each other name, and they won't go to with someone if they don't have to. It is so bad. I have even had one child say that she isn't friends with another child so why does she need to be nice to her. They also have a really bad time listening to adults. They don't even show compassion to the adults. It is really sad. It was so bad yesterday that we didn't go to computers, we set in the gym and read about compassion. We also watched YouTube videos on compassion and bullying. We talked about the opposites so they would hopefully understand each of them. We watched two of each and then talked about each o them.
             The first one we watched was about Compassion. It was where the characters were bears and they were learning what compassion really was. It was a cartoon about those children bears helping an old lady that was grumpy all the time and very lonely. They found out it was her birthday soon so they threw her a surprise birthday party. It really made her happy in the end. The bears did something that the old lady needed to make her feel special and happy. The 2nd video we watched was also a little about compassion. It was actually called" A Kind Heart" but after we got done watching it, we take about what kind of compassionate things were in that video. A bear that usually wins all the medals from races went was almost to the finish line on this one race. Then, he decided to go help another friend that couldn't get pass the relay wall. Right there is where the children said there was compassion showing. One bear helped another bear when he was in need. Then at the end of the movie all 5 friends won the race together.
              That was the last compassion video. Next, we watched two more videos about bullying because believe it or not, I have some kids in my group but does those things but have no idea what it is called. The 3rd video that we watched was about bullying. It was prefect for my group because it was about a mean girl in the 2nd grade. It was about about a girl that was being really mean to this new little boy in school. She called him a little shrimp and didn't help him do anything. She left him alone when it was time for lunch and she wouldn't play with him while they were outside. She even punched him in the tummy while they were outside. It also show that the people that were that girls friends at the start of the movie, they weren't her friends by the end of the movie unless she would say sorry to the little boy and she did. They were all friends by the end of the movie.
             The 4th video we watched a bear who was scared of going to school because of the bullies around him. It showed the children that when you bully someone it makes them scared to go to school and will make them look down on themselves. This bear had a talk with his mom and his mom got him to feel better about himself and he went to school. He was going to be the one that looked the bully in the eyes and be confident in who he was and maybe try to even help the bully. His mom gave him some ideas on how to be a friend to that bully and why he needs to be even when he doesn't want to. He tried being that bully's friend and it worked at the end of the video. Between each video, we talked about each of the movies, what the videos said and taught us, asked them to give some examples of what it could look like in their world and school, and so on. 

             All of the group was paying really good attention to the videos and they were responding really well with the questions I was asking. They were even laughing at the videos. I think it was fun for them but yet they, hopefully, learned something about the two things and what they really meant. Well, I thought that was the case or would be the case until one of my children called another child "  a bully". This child has no thinking process when it comes to what is coming out of her mouth. I would say that the other girl was a little mean to her but one she was not the only one mean to this girl and how can a child say that to a classmate, just straight out like it was no big deal. For some reason, it just shocked me. It did make the girl that was called the bully cry and hopefully she took it the right way. Hopefully, she will think about her actions and she will talk to her parents about what happened and they were try to talk to her to help her be nice. 

             Other then that, I was useless or that is how I felt. It opened my eyes that even in the public school with "normal" children, there are big problems, they are just different. The problems could be little so that is why we have to keep our eyes open as teachers and caregivers if we are working at the schools. Parents need to keep their eyes open too. As an adult in charge of little ones, we need to take the time to teach the important life lessons to children instead of just all of the subjects. That is the problem of the world today. They don't get taught compassion, love, kindness, respect, responsibility and other things along those lines at home or school so we are raising up selfish and all about me adults. How can people not see that and think everything is okay? I saw the "problem" yesterday. Now I need to do something about it but what?

The Power of the Word "No"

         When I say the power of the word "no", I am not meaning between parent and child in this case. I am not even meaning just from the child. I am meaning between a friend and a so called friend. I am also meaning the act of not responding when you really should. I have been through both in my life and that's the reason it is the way it is to this day. I really believe that it is what started my axienty. Here is why I believe it has had a big impact on my life.
            No one really understands my life when it comes to boys/guys. I feel like I was cursed back in the third grade because of something I didn't do but should have. I was thinking and mapping it all out last night and it makes sense. Now I just have to learn how to rekindle everything so I have at least a chance in my lifetime. I was one of those girls that always blamed the guy until last night. I was the one that messed up way back then and it has followed me around ever since.
            Here is what happened back then and I regret it really, really, really bad. I would like to go back to see what would have happened if I did it "right" but I don't regret how things turned out. It was just hard and had been hard since then. I took the harder path, I think. Like I said before, it all started back in third grade. I moved to a new town and school the summer before I started that grade. I was so nevous when I started that I didn't know what to think. Look back now, I wasn't thinking straight.
             Not only was I nevous because I was in a new school, but 2 weeks after being there, a boy in my class wrote me a note asking me to be his girlfriend. It was very George Strait's "Check Yes or No" ish moment. Funny that I am describing it that way now. I remembered that I was so happy that someone gave me a note that I went home and showed my mom or that is how I tell it. I don't remember exactly what happened after I opened it and read it but I know I showed my mom somehow because I remember her saying something to me. I remember saying, "you can't date right now so write him back and tell him no and that reason. You know what I did next. Nothing. I totally advoided it and him I felt like. Since that moment in third grade, I've never been the same and either has my life. By not writing him or saying anything back, I chose the hard path for my life and continue to chose it for some reason. 

               I always, through the years, kept thinking why is he teasing me non stop? Why won't he just stop that? Thinking and looking back now, I never gave him the chance to stop it. I was the one that made him look like a fool that day and he could have felt weak too. I don't want to put a story in his life that wasn't there but there has to be a reason for the teasing all my life and me not answering something that meant so much to him back then totally makes sense. I will out this in this blog, last night i stayed up and wrote a fake letter that I wouldn't mind sending to him at all but not going to because that has pass. He was just paying me back for that time and all the time after that. Recently, I had a situation in my life that I was the person that got the "no" and it didn't feel good at all especially when the other person wrote it. 

                   Made me think how bad it must of felt to be totally not there to a person like my third grade friend must of felt. Granted he was one of the poplar boys anyways but still. It is also because of this situation way back then that I think my anxiety gets the best of me around guys. I really think that is when that all started. Since then I have either said "no" or not had a guy that like me like that. Well, I find one that I like like that and he tells me "no" right away. The guy now is just giving me what I gave the boy back in thirds grade. I was just getting back what I threw out back then. That boy was the writer and I was the responser and chose to response with nothing. Now I am the writer and another guy is the responder and he wrote "no" and of course it is or was the guy I really care(ed) about at this moment in my life. 

                     It came back to bite me. That's for sure. You try to get over something that happened years ago and then the person just shuts you down once again like there were no feelings there. I know I have a chance of both of them reading this if they really wanted to take the time to look, which they don't because to them both I am just a nobody right now. Just a girl that passed them by in high school and in college. Just a supporter but nothing more. I don't know anyone that can understand my "guy" problems but I have never even been on a date in my life and I think I messed it up for me way back in 3rd grade because when a group of boys teases you all through high school, for that one thing among other things I am sure, you have to get a personality change and it isn't pleasant for any other guy. You have to be the strong, stubborn, sassy, determined (good) women along with all the worry and doubt in the world when you put up with boys like that so you don't do anything to yourself. 

                    Sometimes it will follow you for your life and think that you have to take that into a friendship and be the first to say something or anything and that doesn't even work for you. You think you have to be the one that helps get over the bumps and holes in the roads but that is so wrong. You think that God needs your help in putting you and someone else together but He does't because He is bigger then you and He knows better. When that doesn't you just give up on your dream. You think you have to take it to the next level whatever that may be but you don't have to. In other words, you take the lead when really it is the Godly man's job to do that in any relationships. Yes, this all came to be last night and I even have a little diagram written out in my notebook to help me remember and just to make sure I got everything right. 

                     Thinking all of this all of your life, no wonder that you might have problems and holes in your heart that you have kept from the Lord. You might have kept your whole life away because you just thought you could handle everything on your own. When it comes down to everything, you can do anything on your own, God is your everything and you need to be very dependent on Him to get things down in your life.