Prayer to Change Me

          Daddy, can I be honest now? I am messed up and old. What guy would like me like I am? Going to be living with a cat, reading books, making lists, liking routines, micro managing that turns to anxiety and so on. I would make them feel old and confused. How would they keep up with me? Oh! Let's not forget my perfection, stubbornness, long time to process, and my OCD. Not only did it talk me til the next day to remember something, took me until something was done to put one to one together, even thought I thought it sounded familiar.
           Daddy, all this goes with my friendships and relationships too. When someone said the word "micro manage", I went straight to a friend of mine in my mind and I think that's what upsetted me the most about this whole thing. Have I and did I do that when we were talking? Did it really get that bad and I just didn't see it until now like that? Until someone said something to me about it? Have I really messed up in this time of my life and others because of my dumbness? I really need to let go and Let You! I just pray it isn't too late for some things in my life. I pray for control over this whole  new thing about me. You are just trying to make me more like You. I can't be micro managing everything and/or everyone like I do. I just need to find a way to handle it better.


In Jesus' name,

Amen

God's Plans, Not Mine

         Have you ever been nervous about trying out a new church or changing churches? Have you gone to a church before and not have any idea what is going to happen at the church if you keep going? Have you felt like you belonged there yet not belonged there at the same time? Are these feelings normal while changing churches or am I just over thinking things just a bit like normal?
         I have been thinking a lot and tonight after church it all made sense to me. It was all put in order for me. The sermon was about the exit for the Israelites out of Egypt. On the drive home, I was thinking about both churches. Let's start out by saying I am scared of switching from one to the other. I'm scared because I think leaving Fellowship Bible Church will get me nowhere with certain things in life and just going through the process of making friends again is hard. Yet at the same time, I really feel like I need to change churches because it is an answer to prayer or prayers in many ways. They are:
          One: I'm given another chance not to mess up because God is the God of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and so on chances.
          Two: It's small and I might have a purpose there. I want to be used at the church that I pick and go to for something in different ways and if it is a really big church, you really can't be used or you can only do something for so long and then you get bored with it.
          Three: I can grow with it in a bunch of different ways.
          Four: I can become real with that small group of people once I get used to it and know what is going on. When I say small group, I mean a group of like 10 not 20. I feel like everyone would get a chance to talk in small groups at this church unlike other churches.
         Five: People of small churches seem to be more real and deep then people at bigger churches for some reason. Maybe it is just me and how deep I like to get with people?
        It's what God has for me. I am letting go and letting God have control this. My plan didn't work for what I wanted or needed at Fellowship so here is God trying to work in my life if I will let Him and I will. It didn't work with the singles' ministries or the mentor ministries or even the women's ministries but that was the best one out of the 3. God has been in it since some part of last year and He keeps going. I am still nervous but that will go away the more I go to church, right? Daddy, let me be an appearance of God in that small church. I wish I could explain it better or in another way but I really can't without telling everyone what is really going on and I don't think people would appreciate hearing about my life that much.
        All I know is that I am not going into a new church with certain things to do like I did last time because that is just wrong. I will go to that church because I want to and like to. I will look for things that I want to do and people I want to know. Then I can't get blamed for something that I didn't do if it comes down to that. If it takes just sitting by myself at that church and not talking to anyone but a couple of people so be it. I will do that for the whole year if I have to. I just don't want to mess up again like I have in the past. I wish I could put certain feelings behind me altogether but it is hard when you really care.
        I also feel like I am at the strange place in life where I have a small job compared to the people around me in this big Wal Mart world. I am still single so that puts a dapper on things too. I have always and still do get along with people that are older then me whether 3 years to 15 years or in between. It is hard to fit in anywhere when you feel like that at times. What I am looking for now more then anything is discernment in all of this. I want to keep the two things apart and not make a big deal about it. I want to do God's plan and not my own. I just need the peace that surrounds all understanding.

Do Not Be Afraid

           "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." -Duet. 31:8
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             This verse is such full of promise. Lately, I have been scared of making changes and learning new things. I have literally stayed awake some nights thinking about some things. Things I want to happen in my mind but when I get down to the details, they're kind of scary. That time you have to move on but scared things won't happen like I want them to but deep down I know or think God has a way better plan for me so I take that step of faith outside of my comfort zone.
             The verse gives us a promise that God will go before me. He will plan my path for me and because of that He'll come back and get me ready for it. Really He is already there yet he is right beside me. That's how big and amazing out God is! We might be scared of things that might be hard but we can't let excuses get in our way. We can not get discouraged and give up because things don't go as we planned them. We have to get back up and start again.
             We have to look at the cross of Jesus to really live my life! We can't look at our doubts or unbelief. We can't look at our sins and expect us to feel good. It doesn't work that way. God promised He would be with us and ahead of us. Nothing is a surprise to Him. If you are for sure, God promised you something, then you can be sure it will come about in your life. Don't be scared or discouraged! God is just preparing you for what's next.
             This is a short entry. Sorry about that but I was mainly focusing on the verse and it is a short one. I hope it comes across right and understandable. Not to jumbled up.

Smalltown Girl-Part 1

          As I look back on my life, I regret a lot. I especially regret not really living the small town life while I was really in a small town. I could have lived it more then I did. All I could think about while I was there was how bad I wanted to get out of there. If I knew what I do now back then, I would take every chance I got to live that life more. Now living in a big city for about 8 years, I would give anything to go back to my small town.
          I only went to a school that had a 100 people in it. It was elementary, middle, and high school in one big building with that many people in it. I graduated with a class of 30 people in it. That was in 2006. Yet, I could be involved in so many things because there was so few people. I never thought of it that way but it was true. I was in FFA, FTA, Cross Country, yearbook, and band. That was 5 things I was involved in all four years of high school.
          You might think that is strange? Well, here is an eye opener for you then. Out of the 30 in my class, there were 3 teacher's kids including me. The two out of those 3 were also admin. kids including me. Two of the moms were elementary teachers and the other parent was a elementary /high school teacher. Then my dad was the superintendent of the school and the other person's dad was the high school principal. If that was small town enough, the high school principal was also my cross county coach and driver's ed teacher.
          You could also just join FFA no matter if you had a project or not. I know I did. I tried doing my babysitting job as a project but it never went through. I will say, though, that my FFA advisor was the best one in the world and I am not being smart alike either. He was like a father or a 2nd father to most of his students. He cared for you as a person and you could tell that. We also had shop class and a greenhouse to work in. I loved the greenhouse but the shop was mostly for the guys.
          The school was also on a dirt road. That is where I I would run during cross country practice. That is the only track we had besides the big field beside the school too, which was where our trail for the meet was every year when we hosted it. I also lived across a dirt road so I would even practice during the summers by running on that road too. The school was literally out in the middle of nowhere between two very small towns. Our best sport was basketball because we had no football. That is the only main sport we didn't have and we didn't have any extra because we couldn't afford them. We just had volleyball, baseball, softball, and cross country along with basketball. That right there tells you that our band was just a marching band.
          Now explaining all of this you would see why I wanted to be a part of something. Since I left that small town life, I have been searching for a better and adventurous life. I thought I wanted that kind of life but boy, was I wrong. It was fun for maybe 3 or 4 years but since then God has brought me back to who I really am at heart. It was like I was trying to run away from myself because of everything that happened in my small town to me. There is more personal stuff that happened but I can't share the down parts on this blog. It wasn't bad just typical high school teasing and things like that. I had fun on the mission trips to Guatemala. I got to learn a lot more about the big company world. Also, got to learn what the "real" world was really like. None of those really fit me like I thought they would. I took my own way and thought it could be better but actually it was quite lonely in so many more ways then one. When you get in a big city and everyone is from different places you can't get close enough to them or at least I can't because I know they are more then likely going to move in so many years.
           Some of their jobs require them to move after a certain amount because of the letting go the big companies do more often not. Most of the people are also international so they are only here to help with a project and then move back to their home county. Not only was I a small town girl but I spent a few years of my life out in the country. The first 4 years of my life. The last couple of years I have realized that I like the quite and slow pace better. I really miss it. I loved having people I could count on and know. You just felt like you were apart of something even if they knew everything. It is also just prettier out in the country. I do get closer to God because I see more of His Creation out there. In the city, all you see is man made buildings. Small towns are just so much more friendlier and laid-back. Something that I've always been. They are also very deep and make you very deep when you live in them.
            There is no other words to explain it. You would just have to live in it to experience it. That's the best way to say all this in simple terms. I wouldn't want it any other way. The city isn't for me now or in the future but for now I am dealing with it. This is just a start of a story that I want to continue with later on. Watch for more parts of it to come on this blog because some other parts of my small town life might be shared with other parts on my life. You can never write something without having the small town show through you or at least I can't. 

A Discipleship Prayer

Here is a prayer that I got from 
church:

King Jesus,
My Savior and Friend, 

What is my next step of
growth in knowing You and
following You in everyday
life?

Who are You calling me to
take that next step with?

Show me who I can learn
from in this next season.

Show me who I can share
my story and faith with in 
this next season.

Help me to see the people
You have already put in my
life where I live, work, and 
play through the lens of Your
Love and leadership.


Amen.

Making of a Disciple

Galatians 6:2New International Version (NIV)

2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

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            This verse spoke to me when I saw it this week. I got it from a friend's email and it goes right along with what the sermon at church tonight. It is so strange how that works. Yet I want to change churches for something else. Does that make sense? Maybe just for a short amount of time to feel like I am by myself and then maybe I will go back to the other church? Anyways, back to the verse and what the sermon was about tonight. It was about discipleship and the preacher preached from 1 Thess. but I just feel like this verse goes with it too. 

          The verses that were used from the book of  First Thess. was 1 Thess. 2:7-8 and 9-12. It tells you how to be a disciple and gives some examples. The examples are: a mother and a father but when it really comes down to it, the real example is to be just like Christ. 

Verses 7-8 says, "Gentle, nursing mothers that tenderly cares for a baby and is well pleased because that baby has been very dear to her." Here is all of those verses: 

             "7 Instead, we were like young children among you.
Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, 8 so we cared for you.                        Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not                  only the gospel of God but our lives as well."

Verses 9-12 says,"proclaims, works, encourages, implores." Here is what those verses really say:

 "9 Surely you remember, brothers and sisters, our toil and hardship; we                          worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we                            preached the gospel of God to you.10 You are witnesses, and so is God, of              how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who                                          believed. 11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals                  with his own children, 12 encouraging, comforting and urging you to live                    lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory."

             Another thing that the preacher said during the sermon was this: "Between those two verses, there needs to be an even balance between the both of them for everyone." Girls need some of the guys' things and guys need some of the girls' things. Christ has all of them so we need all of them too if we want to be like Him. 

         The first verse fits in because it is talking about carrying each other's burdens and how that if we do that we will fulfill the law of Christ. Carrying each other's burdens is a way of showing the Love of Christ to one another. It is a way of discipling because love is as very important part of that. When have to love the person first before we can get or go deep with them. We have to show them that we can be trusted with their burdens and issues. 

          Yet, I like it best when the preacher said, "It takes a little bit, a lot of times." That means that we have to keep doing that little bit over and over to "prove" ourselves worthy of being in that person's life. There is no way that a person will let us in the first time we talk to them or even the second time or so on. We might not ever get to really now that person. That is why I am so big on not giving up so ealsiy or so fast. For me, in some friendships, it has taken 8+ years but yet I am not given up because I really care about that friend. I really want to get to know them as a person. People have told me to move on but I would rather carry their burdens then totally forget about them. Is that strange?

          While you read over this entry and think about it for a bit, I am also going to give you some questions that I want you to ask yourself. I am also writing them down for my sake so I won't forget them and so I can also look back on this entry and remember them. The questions are:

-What if you had the joy of making a disciple of Jesus?

-What is your next step growth in being a disciple of Jesus?

-What has God given you through your story and faith in Jesus to share with others?

-Who is God leading you to learn from and to share with in this next season?

-What is your plan to create space and time for those relationships in the rhythm in your everyday life this year?

             I will also put up a prayer this week that is on the same subject as this entry. Keep an eye out for it! Sorry for the verses being messed up. They looked different when I was actually writing the entry. I don't know how to change them so they will all be lined up the same way and it is late. I just want to get this entry done with and off my mind in a way. That is another reason I am not putting the prayer on this entry. 

When?-A Poem

          I feel like the word "When" should be my word for 2018. Here is a poem to start off the year with. This is how I feel every now and then. I have my good and bad moments. To be honest, I have asked these questions to myself every now and then. I am being honest and true through this poem. I hope other people can relate to this poem too. 

When?-A Poem

When?
When will I get to go on that be adventure?
When will I be able to get out of this small
town? When can I be by myself?
When?

When?
When will I be done here?
When will I be dome with this paperwork?
When can I be able to do the things I want?
When?

When?
When will I get the job that I love?
When will this stress stop?
When will I fill like I have my life together?
When?

When?
When will this singleness be over for me?
When will I find the perfect one?
When will our dreams match and join
together?
When will I have my own children instead of
taking care of others' children?
When can I stay home like I want to?
When?

When?
When will I understand that everything
happens for a reason?
When will I be content in who I am?
When will I not sweat the small stuff?
When can I trust again?
When?

I'll tell you when. When God gets me
ready. When He knows, that I am
strong in Him. When He knows,
I can take on anything with Him by my
side. When He knows, that nothing will
fail. That's When.



Written By: Tiffney Wilson

Written On: Jan. 19, 2018

Differences Between Children

            I love today! I am sitting inside while it is cold and snowy outside. It is my first time in 8 years that the place I have worked as shut down early (aka at noon) so we could go home. I am not kidding about that either. It was a nice feeling that I have missed for years. I didn't have to worry about driving on the roads in the mess or staying overnight either. I could just come home and enjoy myself.
          Anyways, that is not what this entry is going to be about. If it was it would be kind of boring. I thought about it but then I thought that I should write something else and just put it in like I just did. Now onto the topic that the title says. I know I also need a better title but I couldn't come up with one. I have been in the childcare system for about 10 years, give or take a year. I have mainly would with preschool age and under as my main jobs during and after college. While in high school, I was a TA and I babysat a lot as a side job to make money. As I have been transferring over from school aged children back to toddlers/preschoolers, I have realized that I have a love for the school aged children. Now I knew that way back when but I didn't know why like I do now.
        After spending a year and a half with that age of children after I have spent years with preschool and under, I see the differences and I like the differences. Now I can't really pick which age I like the best because they all have their ups and downs but I will say at this moment in my life, I really miss my school aged kids. I am happy to be back with my toddlers and infants but the problem with them is that they can't talk much or really feel much and if they do both of those things, they really don't know how to express it like the school age children. I mean as am adult you kind of expect things from a toddlers like hugs and other things that make you feel good. What you don't expect from that age is their physical, like crawling and walking and talking, and knowledge things, like knowing colors, numbers, and letters, so that is what makes you happy and glad for them or at least that is what makes me happy for them.
          Those things are all great and special moments in their lives too don't get me wrong but if you know me personally, you know I am more of and for the emotional type of things, which that matches the school age children. They know their emotions most of the time and they come to you when they need up if they know that they can trust you. They come to you for random hugs some days and other days it is because they really need that hug or kind of touch. School aged children see and understand when they can trust an adult. They know what trust is. You can form deeper meanings/relationships with them because they are capable of that and most of them what that. I know this is strange that I am writing about this now but after going from one age to the other I see it now. It is kind of sad that we can't give the school age children what they truly need while they are at school anymore because of the world we live in these days.
             We can get in trouble with anything and everything these days. I think it is funny how God has been working in my life lately. I mean for a year and a half He has put with with a group of children that I have grown to love and hope the best for in their years to come. He has even change schools at the start of this year for a reason too that I never thought was possible. Then He pulled me back out because He knew I couldn't do what I was suppose within the school limits. Now I do what to say again that I hope this doesn't sound strange and it won't if you know me at all. I have a heart that connects with some of the children better then some of the others and that is what I am talking about. I want to see those children that I connect with outside of school. I want to be a part of their lives more then just in school and I think God saw that in two of the children that He had me around.
             God knows I love those hugs and to hear their laugh every so often and see their energy outside of school because children are so different in every place they go. God knows that I really want to be there for them when the times get tough. I'm not saying their parents won't be. They have amazing and loving parents. There's no doubts about that but as we are know because we have done the same things growing up. We can't go to our parents for everything even when we know we can. There is just that connection that you get with a special teacher or someone at your church or even in your expanded family that you can tell anything to and I want to be that person.
           I know I went off on a rant here in a way but to bring it back around here is the idea of this whole entry. There comes a time in everyone's life that they need someone special other then their parents to talk to or be with and I just want to be that person. That is why I love the school aged children so much more then the toddlers. You can build that relationship with them and they will remember you hopefully forever. Where toddlers and infants, don't have that memory focus set in their brains yet because they are learning so many other things. Although, one of my preschool girls did remember from 5 years ago but I had to ask if she did. It all comes back to God knows what He is doing, I just have to Trust Him while He is doing those things.

Being Scared of Life

            I can't really write what I am really feeling and why but I just wanted to write something that will help me this moment in my life. I want to remember what it feels like to be scared before I jump into something that might change my life totally around. I will say though that I heard a lot this week about stepping/jumping out of my comfort zone and how I would be blessed if I did. I also heard a lot about how other people need to hear my story and how my story up til this moment as happened for a reason such as this. It is strange how scared I am right now at this moment in my life. I think I am even more scared then I was when I moved here to AR 8 years ago.
             I will tell you I was sacred back then because I didn't know AR or Bentonville at all but this time it is a different kind of scared. I guess you could say it is a lonely, scaring feeling even though I know I am not alone. I have people who care for me and who would do anything for me but there are just some deep parts of my life that is just between God and me right now and those are the parts I am scared of and not understanding right now. I came to AR knowing I would have people by my side to help me get through things. I know I still do now too but at the same time I don't. Every one of my friends seems like they are getting married and starting their own family. Seems like everyone else has moved on and am happy where they on and have been there are few years now where I am just getting to that point and started it this past week.
               It is like God is putting me in situations where I need to be and I feel like I need to be but I don't know the reason yet and that is killing the planning person in me. The scared feeling that I am feeling right now is hard to explain to people because I can't because they wouldn't understand the stories behind what I am feeling and why right now. Now I know that is where telling my past stories come in and I will be getting to those and might even type some of those on here but it still can't add up to what I am really feeling. It is like a happy and good scared feeling. It is a feeling of I am happy where I am right now but I am so happy that something(s) just seem too good to be true. You know what I mean? It is like how can this be happening to me now. Yeah, I have prayed for something like this to happen for years before and I want it to happen and here it is happening.
             I am not complaining about it either. Don't get me wrong. I love where God has me right now. It is just in my nature to understand and all God is telling me to do right now is to: "Trust Him" and that is hard for me. As I look back on my past, I am finally seeing reasons for the things that I went through and things I have prayed for in high school and later finally coming true but yet I am scared. Could it be because it did finally come up on me but not in the way I (big stress there) thought it would? Could it be because God had some other way to bring it about and I couldn't see that way? Could it be because God knows better and best? I love how things are happening now and hoping good things will come from them and believing that too but I don't what to get my hope up too high. Every time I do something seems to go wrong.
            I seem to mess things up or things change and go the other direction then I thought they would. This is probably the first year I am really scared of what God has planned for me. Really scared but yet I have a good feeling about it. I guess I need to get pass the amazement part of everything but yet if I get past that part won't everyday just be normal. That is another thing I am scared of. I want a new routine but what if all the good things just because normal things. What if going to a new church just becomes going to another church? What if a new job just becomes another job? What if I stop getting hugs from some of the best kids around? What if? What if? What if? I know I ask that question a lot and it is a bad habit to be in and I need to stop but can't. I know that if we live in Christ everyday should be a day of amazement but it's hard to think that way especially when it becomes normal.
              I guess that is why I haven't settled down on just one church just yet or haven't tried new things at my new job. I like this time of in between but I know for some people and especially for the people that care about me and that need my help like at work, it just isn't fair in a way if you know what I mean. I know right now I am thinking about wanting to see some friends that I haven't in a long time and talking to them again because I have learned a lot of new things since I have talked to them last but what would I do after that wears off. Get what I am saying? I am seeing Blessing after Blessing right now and loving it but what happens when it all becomes normal again? I think I need to write a poem on this subject sometime soon. I could do a really good one.
              Maybe it will be up before this coming weekend and if not it will be up during that weekend? I will give you a challenge with this entry too and it will probably be one of my best ones yet.

Challenge: 

       "Don't lose the amazement in everyday life. Keep looking for the amazing things that are around you even when life becomes normal. Keep being scared of life in a way that will make you turn to God everyday."

              That's something I need to remember and even pray about too.

Our Bodies As Temples

John 2:13-16New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Clears the Temple Courts

13 When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. 15 So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. 16 To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”

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1 Corinthians 3:16New International Version (NIV)

16 Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?
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1 Corinthians 6:15New International Version (NIV)

15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 Corinthians 6:16 New International Version (NIV)

16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”

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1 Corinthians 6:19-20New International Version (NIV)

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The body is temple of God." 

"We are the temple and should keep it clean."

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            I love these verses about the temple and what Jesus did in there. They give me hope about my very own temple that I call my body. They show me how I should keep my body clean and only for the Lord. I love the last verse that I out on here. It tells us that "we are not our own, that we were brought with a price. In my own words, I think about it this way: "I am God's child and He loved me so much that He died for me." There are also some verses that I have typed above that reminds use that we are God's.
            I started this entry with the verses about the temple and Jesus going there because that situation is how we take care of our bodies sometimes. It is sad but true. The people were treating the temple as a place of selling and that is not what the temple was meant to be used for. The temple was meant to be used as a place to worship God. Have you ever thought about comparing that story to how we treat our own bodies? Our bodies are suppose to be a place for the Holy Spirit to dwell in. It is kind of strange that I am eating M&Ms and drinking pop right now as I am writing this because that those things are not healthy at all. Anyways, Jesus didn't like the people selling things and making a mess in His Holy Temple. His Building. One you can see and go to.
             When we feed our bodies sweets and unhealthy things, we are treating it as those people are treating the temple. We are making our own bodies a mess and kind of destroying it in away. When we don't take the time to excise or do other good things like yoga for it, then we are treating it badly. I know this might be a long shot for some people but if you really think about it, it's true. Our bodies is a place where the Holy Spirit dwells. It is a place where we need to keep clean and sareced in a way. I am not only talking about health food wise and excising wise but also  intimate wise too. That is one reason that God doesn't want us to have sex before we are married because who knows what could go wrong with our bodies before hand. We are not taking care of it if we do things the way we want to.
             It is within marriage that having sex is healthy and healthy for both parties body. I know this is strange to write about. I wouldn't usually write about these things but it is part of these verses. It is a way to keep our temple (aka our bodies) Holy before Christ. When two parties become one flesh, then that is healthy on both parties. Now I am embarrassed but this is all true. I just don't know where to go onto from here now. I know for me when I am trying to find the right pills to take or the right shampoo to use or to decide weather or not to use essential oils, I have to think about these things too. It is also important when you think about all the diets that are out there that you want to try because some of those diets aren't very healthy for the body either. Honestly, I wish I heard this sermon while I was still on pills for my anxiety that I got from the drs. because I know if I didn't stop before that I would have because taking those pills aren't healthy for some people.
            Now for some people, those pills are for them and to keep their bodies healthy and in shape and the way the body is suppose to work. It might sound funny but I did pray about weather or not I was suppose to be taking them and I doubted myself a lot of times and researched a lot more things. Come to found out those pills were not for me. I went a more natural way with my anxiety and it has worked for about 6 months now or somewhere around that time.
             Our body is just one of those things that we don't think a lot about but should because it is the temple of the Holy Spirit. We should be praying about it and what we put in it and be careful as well. As I am typing this now, I am thinking about more ways that I can be more natural with my body besides natural pills for my anxiety and oils for everything else. I want to use oils for everything and that is one of my New Year's ideas. I also started using healthier shampoo for my hair. Now I am thinking about buying bison meat since it is suppose to be healthier and really looking into a healthier food store like a more natural one. I know we have a few around where I live.


Challenge for this entry: 

How are you or will you taking(e) care of your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit this year?

Giving Up vs. Letting Go

           People might think these two things are the same but really they are not. I have had to deal with both but I didn't know that they were different until here recently. A friend said something to me that I never heard but also made sense. She said, "Giving up and letting go are not the same thing. They are two things that are totally different." Or something along those lines. For once, I am not giving up in life, I am just letting go or at least trying to but no one is perfect at that either.
            "Giving up" means totally giving up on the thing or person you care deeply about. It means you really don't care about them anymore and that it is easy forget about the thing or person. You could care less about how they live life. It is also where you get mad easily and worry a lot. It is where the anxiety keep kicks in. "Giving up" is what I have felt in the past, I will admit, whether things having to do with me or people I care about or both. I am trying to have a new thought process about it and that process is a "letting go" one.
            "Letting go" means the total opposite of that. It means you still care deeply about the thing or person but you are just stepping back. You are letting go of them by not being in their face or life all the time and vice via. To me, I still pray for that person and share their things every once in awhile but that is it. I might even try to encourage them here and there but it is up to them if they take what I say that way or not. More importantly, for me, when I am "letting go", I am trying to put that thing or person and whatever the situation might be into the Hands of God.

              I know this is a short entry but just wrote down the main ideas. That is all I can think to say. I can't get anything else to come out of my mind. I feel like if I go into this entry more that I might mess the whole message up so I am just going to stop right here. Hope it makes sense and gets to the point like I want it to. 

Hard to Do Right

WARNING: Emotional Status

-I will admit I cried on the way home from work tonight. Only because I had mixed feelings of where I am now. My new full time job is an answer to prayer for sure. It was almost too easy for me today. I mean I went from 12 toddlers 2 years and a half ago down to 8 toddlers. Those 4 other toddlers really do make a difference. Everyone at my new job kept asking me if I miss my old one or if I liked this one better. I just answered "it hasn't hit me yet" because it hadn't. But tonight on the way home, it did. I had MY AC kids for a year and a half plus some other amazing kids thrown in there for a few months. I missed them today and it was strange staying at my new job this afternoon. I'm torn this week and might be until I get use to everything that is changing. I know God has me where He does for a reason right now. Always does that to me. I just miss MY kiddos. Those kids were the first group I got to keep for that long at any of my jobs. I know, though, that I am also doing the right thing for this moment in my life right now. I have less stress now then I did while working my old job. It is just hard to do the right thing sometimes.

Don't Delay God

Luke 12:18-22New International Version (NIV)

18 “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. 19 And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

20 “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

21 “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

Do Not Worry

22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.

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"Don't let God delay be His approval."
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             Luke 12:22 has always been one of my favorite verses. This entry is mainly going to be about verses 18-21. We are like the man that was storing things in his barn for later. We tend to store up things and go about things in our own way because we think God won't do it right or when we want it done. The man was even tearing down his barns and building bigger ones so he could store a lot of things in them. Once he thought he had enough food stored up, then he could relax and eat and be merry but he was wrong in the eyes of God. 

            God took the man's life that night when he decided to do everything himself. Now we don't know for sure how God took his life but I would like to think of it as the less of the two. Instead of thinking that God took it by letting him pass away, I like to think of it in the way that the man's joy was gone for the rest of his life. God even asked the man, "who will get what you prepared for you in advance?" God has that but the deal was that no one was ready because the man went ahead of God. You can't store up things and think you will be rich in them and only them. You also need to be rich in God. That should be your first goal and only one. 

            God will take things away from us if we won't wait for Him to do His Will. That is why I like the phase "Don't let God's delay be His Approval." This man was thinking that God was waiting for him to do something so he built bigger barns to store more of his grains in. He thought if He built bigger barns, God would give him more grain. That is all wrong. God will take the things away if we work ahead of Him or He will make us wait longer just because we have to get back on track with what His Will and Path is for us. His delay is not his go ahead and do whatever you think is right. His delay might be that He is working on you or the other person. The delay might be that He is getting other people ready for that time. The delay might be the world isn't ready for what He has planned just yet. 

             There is a lot of reason that God delays things. If He kept giving us miracle after miracle, then why would we need to trust Him? He is giving us a reason to trust Him and to see Him at work. He is hoping that we would run back to Him in time of need. God doesn't like it when we try to do things on our own. His delays could and only should mean that He is working for and with us. We should like at the delays as blessing from God, not the go ahead to do whatever. His Approval should be when we see the Blessing being worked out or bought out to where we can see it. That answered prayer that we have been waiting for should be the blessed approval that we are searching for too. 

               "Don't let God's delay be His Approval." "Let His Approval Be the Blessing you are looking for."

Called Her Blessed

Luke 1:45New International Version (NIV)

45 Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”

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            I love this verse! I have thought about writing an entry with this verse for a long time and thought I did. I looked back, though, and I didn't have an entry with it in it. There was a reason I thought about writing it and the reason was because I heard it last month. This is a popular verse around Christmas time but why only hear and use it then. We needed to be reminded of this more and more everyday. If anything, I would want this verse to be, if not one of my verses for the new year, THE VERSE for this new year. 

           It is a part of the story of Mary. She went on to do as God told her to do because she trusted that He would blessed her in the long run. Guess what? God did blessed her because she had His Son and that Son saved her life in the long run. God told her what to do and go on with things and as long as she did that, things would be okay and in His hands. 

           For me, this verse should be part of the Proverbs 31 women. Believing what the Lord can do and that He would fulfilled His promises to her, is an important trait to have. As women, we need to believe what the Lord has promised us but not only us. We have to believe that the Lord would fulfill His promises to our children, our friends, our husbands, and so on. As the caring and nurturing type, we want the Lord to fulfill their or anyone else's promises before our own. 

          Yet sometimes that could be really bad, especially if you are a really caring person like I am. You could care for someone so much that it actually puts a hold on your own life. You worry about that person. You wonder about them nonstop. Every little thing bother you about them. You want to be with them everyday and know what they are doing nonstop but know you can't. That is where this verse fits in. When you believe that the Lord will fulfill promises, you can stop worrying and doing all these things. You know that they are in God's hands and He will take care of them better then you ever could.

            When you start believing that God will fulfill not only their promises but yours too, you have the freedom to feel blessed. You will realize that you are being blessed and you will enjoy that feeling once you hand everything over to God. It is a big burden lifted of of your shoulders when you know that God will fulfill things and promises. It is then that you know you can trust God with your most important person (people) or thing/s. Then you have to realize that God might have a different way to fulfill the promises but yet in His ways, you could be more blessed then if you went your own way. 

             This verse is a great reminder of what God could do if we just trust and believe in Him. Not only will He fulfill the promises He has given to us but at the same time He will also bless us with better things then we could ever think of. That is why we need to leave things in the Hands of God but I know that is easier said then done. It is something that we have to get up and pray about everyday and then again at bedtime. Here is a prayer that I made up on the spot and it kind of turns the verse around into a prayer. 

Prayer:

        "Daddy, I do believe that You will fulfill the promises that You have given to me and the people I deeply care about. Please bless me and the people that those promises are for while fulfilling them."

In Jesus' name,

Amen

            

My New Year's Resolutions

    "Sensing"= "to perceive (something) by the senses; become aware of."  
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           These resolutions are some just to keep me sane when I need them. I mean I will be working with little ones from now on so I will need to relax and calm down every once in awhile. These resolutions are also good because they are some that I can make a habit in my life, married or not. They are ones that help me with my "sensing" as an introvert since I am not good at that to start with. I got the ideas from intovertdear.com. Here they are (the ones I am going to do for sure):

-Take a long bath once a week.

-Write fiction or nonfiction, focusing heavily on sensory details.

-Watch one film a month in a movie theater or from Netflix, which ever money and time allows. 

-Once or twice a week, cook a recipe you've never made before.

-Spend 15 minutes each morning listening to music in headphones, especially worship music. 


          These are the ones that are going in my planner from now on. The next few are just ideas for when I am bored or have the extra money to spend.

-Enjoy a monthly night out with myself or a friend.

-Take up a physical activity that requires extreme mental focus. I need to start doing yoga again.