God's Plans, Not Mine

         Have you ever been nervous about trying out a new church or changing churches? Have you gone to a church before and not have any idea what is going to happen at the church if you keep going? Have you felt like you belonged there yet not belonged there at the same time? Are these feelings normal while changing churches or am I just over thinking things just a bit like normal?
         I have been thinking a lot and tonight after church it all made sense to me. It was all put in order for me. The sermon was about the exit for the Israelites out of Egypt. On the drive home, I was thinking about both churches. Let's start out by saying I am scared of switching from one to the other. I'm scared because I think leaving Fellowship Bible Church will get me nowhere with certain things in life and just going through the process of making friends again is hard. Yet at the same time, I really feel like I need to change churches because it is an answer to prayer or prayers in many ways. They are:
          One: I'm given another chance not to mess up because God is the God of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and so on chances.
          Two: It's small and I might have a purpose there. I want to be used at the church that I pick and go to for something in different ways and if it is a really big church, you really can't be used or you can only do something for so long and then you get bored with it.
          Three: I can grow with it in a bunch of different ways.
          Four: I can become real with that small group of people once I get used to it and know what is going on. When I say small group, I mean a group of like 10 not 20. I feel like everyone would get a chance to talk in small groups at this church unlike other churches.
         Five: People of small churches seem to be more real and deep then people at bigger churches for some reason. Maybe it is just me and how deep I like to get with people?
        It's what God has for me. I am letting go and letting God have control this. My plan didn't work for what I wanted or needed at Fellowship so here is God trying to work in my life if I will let Him and I will. It didn't work with the singles' ministries or the mentor ministries or even the women's ministries but that was the best one out of the 3. God has been in it since some part of last year and He keeps going. I am still nervous but that will go away the more I go to church, right? Daddy, let me be an appearance of God in that small church. I wish I could explain it better or in another way but I really can't without telling everyone what is really going on and I don't think people would appreciate hearing about my life that much.
        All I know is that I am not going into a new church with certain things to do like I did last time because that is just wrong. I will go to that church because I want to and like to. I will look for things that I want to do and people I want to know. Then I can't get blamed for something that I didn't do if it comes down to that. If it takes just sitting by myself at that church and not talking to anyone but a couple of people so be it. I will do that for the whole year if I have to. I just don't want to mess up again like I have in the past. I wish I could put certain feelings behind me altogether but it is hard when you really care.
        I also feel like I am at the strange place in life where I have a small job compared to the people around me in this big Wal Mart world. I am still single so that puts a dapper on things too. I have always and still do get along with people that are older then me whether 3 years to 15 years or in between. It is hard to fit in anywhere when you feel like that at times. What I am looking for now more then anything is discernment in all of this. I want to keep the two things apart and not make a big deal about it. I want to do God's plan and not my own. I just need the peace that surrounds all understanding.