Feeling Things That I Never Thought I Would

   This entry has been in my drafts for about 3 months. I couldn't bring myself to write about how I was and am truly feeling til now. I still can't put all of the situation on here because it is public but I am doing some because I feel like it would help other women. The title "Feelings I never thought I had" is so true. it is strange but though the whole situation and still I never had feelings like I do now. It was never so hard to tell someone how I really felt til now.
           I never felt like I was really part of something and that I was going to brake that bond with words. I never knew the different feelings between a crush and something more. It was hard at first. I had a lot of questions for friends and God. I thought I was going to go crazy without doing the things that I use to do to support the person I cared about. Thought I was going to go crazy if I didn't do it everyday and every minute but I was wrong. 
            Yes, I do still think about that person every once in awhile. Still dream and wish about how things could have gone and still hoping a little bit that I haven't messed everything totally up. I still have those deep feelings. Here is the reason that I never thought I would feel these strange things/feelings. I also thought having a relationship that I really cared about would be easy. Well, let me tell you it is not. 
            It is nothing like a high school crush. It is so much more. It is something you don't want to give up. It is something that you question a lot. It is something that you would do anything for because you care. It is something that you want to last a lifetime but yet you have no idea how to make it happen. It raises all these questions that needed to be asked about myself and the other person. 
            It even made me see how my relationship with God really was. I can say that it was slipping. Now that I have that one thing off my chest Incan focus more on that Relationship and even my career. I can become the women God wants me to be and then only He will lead me to the right one that will keep me close to Him.