Learning and Growing God's Way

            The title doesn't do justice for what I am thinking or going through right now. It is true, though, because I am learning a lot and my eyes are being opened a lot more too. I am learning who I am and who God wants me to be and where I should be within His Reach. I am learning that God has His Protecting Hands over me all the time. I am also learning that God does things for a reason and they could be the strangest things but yet they could also make a difference in lives of the people around us. I am going to try and explain what I am learning deeply without giving away the people and situations that has helped me get where I am today. I also know that I should be writing a Mother's Day entry but I just can't get these things off my mind until I write them down. Sorry to all the moms out there.
             The biggest thought that I could have in my life, I had it last night while laying in bed. That thought about how someone that I care about has treated me in the past and now I am in the same spot and totally understand why. That spot where you want everything just to stop. You want that one person to stop bugging you but they don't. Now no one is bugging me right now, which I really appicate because that shows signs of respect, doesn't it? Respect that I didn't have for that same person. The situation that I am going through right now and have been for about 2-3 months now have been calm and quite. I thought I needed some closure but I don't think I do. I like the calm and quite way better. I have, in a strange way, wondered what that person would do if they acted like I did and how I would feel.
               Here I am trying to get over a situation yet I have this friend that is bugging the heck out of me and not getting the clue. Not getting that I just want to be left alone and that that is closure for me. Now I get that every email that a person writes or every comment they write is just a way to keep a hold of that person and to have that person keep a hold of me. Yet that email and/or comment or like might bring back memories they are trying to get rid of because they are trying to move on with their life. You would think that the person getting those memories would like them but not if they are trying to forget you and move on with their life.
             When that person sees those things, it just stirs up emotions that they are trying to get rid of and it just takes them longer to get rid of those feelings. Even just seeing a family member and wanting to connect with them somehow brings feelings of those times together if that makes sense. I thought that I needed closure but I don't. I need the respect most of all and that is what I am getting right now. That is what I have been getting all along but yet I was the jerk in all of this. That person needed the space and I wouldn't give it to them the first time. No wonder they hate my guts now. Not for sure but I feel like they should.
              Not only am I learning how to respect another person but I am also learning and seeing God's Hands in all of this situation. There are a few little situations that goes together in one huge one. I feel like God is showing me little things one by one to show me that He has been and will keep protecting me until and if ever the day/time is right. I see people act like each other and in ways I never thought possible before. I see myself wanting to help other people because I have been through "similar" situations and I use the word "similar" very lightly. I am finally seeing myself connecting to people in ways that I never thought possible. It might be strange at first and for those other people especially but they would just have to get to know me and what I have been through. I have a story too. It might not be the same but I can say it might be similar to theirs.
                To be honest, maybe the other person has more things to work on in their life before anything else happens, before they move on. Maybe they want to finish a goal or dream they had?     Maybe they aren't for sure what they want yet?  Maybe they just aren't ready for that kind of commitment yet because they like being wild and free? I need to understand and respect that in all ways, not just one or two ways. I sound like a really old lady writing this but the truth is I am only 30 years old and God has chosen this year in my life to show me what it means to have a real and deep relationship with Him. I know when this all is over that God is going to win out in the end whether with the people I know now or with better ones along the way. God is growing me into the women He wants me to be and that I need to be for my future husband or to be on my own. Either way.
               One thing is for sure though too: It is that I will never forget the people that have made such a difference in my life even if they had to do it, what I thought was the hard way at first, but then realized it wasn't. These thoughts are what goes through my mind on the weekends when I am alone. I need a life. I know. Yet am I really alone or are the weekends God's time to speak to me in this moment of my life?