The Year of Changes

            I just finished my 8th year in AR so that means I am heading into my 9th year in AR. I didn't think I would make it this long here in the great state but God had other plans for me and this past year I have seen a lot of that. This past year has been really different and I feel like the next year will be just as different. I believe it will only get better and busier.
           Last August to this August my life has changed a lot. I have changed jobs 2 times but worked 4 different places. One of those places I wanted to go back to so that was an answer to prayer and I enjoyed the few months I had there. I have met some amazing people and become closer to others. I've tried out new places and now going to 2 different churches because of that. I feel like my relationship with God has become closer then ever before. I feel like I am much happier with who I am and don't care what other people think about me. I know what I am worth.
            While all those good changes have happened, I probably had to do the hardest thing in my life this past March. Won't put what it was in this blog but it's the reason I have became wiser, braver, stronger, and so forth. It's the reason I don't care what people think of me. Still struggling a bit but each month is getting easier but never fixed. It started as a year that I thought was going to be easy but it has been anything but that. I have felt a lot of strange feelings because of it.  Yet I feel a lot more freer too. It feels like it is one of those years where God is rebuilding me and the people around me.
            January through June felt like I was just living to get through it. I was getting beat up on the outside while I was beating myself up on the inside. Thought I would love it but I was wrong. This past year was good, bad, good. It is strange how what you do will affect the rest of your life and that's also what I am learning right now as I am getting into the 2nd month of my new job that I Love. It is strange when you have people that believe in you and what you can do. You don't want to disappoint them at all. Where as, if they don't believe in you, then why try hard and show them what you can do. When they assume that you don't know anything yet you have a college degree in that field. I can't see how any other year can pass this year when it comes to changing me as a person. I saw what I needed and could do and went for it without a care in the world.
              March through now has been hard too. It has been hard because of situations going on in my personal life. But those situations have grown me up a lot lately. They have taught me who I am and what I need to be more focused on. Yeah, I was beating myself up on the inside but why when I knew that I had a God who loved me for me. I just had to get closer to Him. With my new job that I started last month, I have a lot to focused on that and with that I can kind of forget about the other situations. I won't lie and say they totally leave my mind because they never do. They are always in the back of it but I don't dwell on them like I use to anymore.
              Even though, it started off rough and had another rough spot in it, God added things in to make it worth wild. He put two good spots to keep me going til He was ready for me to move. God can use people and Bible Studies in ways you couldn't think of. I know in some of the situations I stayed only because of the people I met just then and I wanted to get to know them better. I knew how to joke and talk to them that just that made my day. I knew after the situation in March God had a new quest for me and that was a new job. Yet I was learning what it meant to really be on a quest for him. Yet, I didn't know that before I started the Bible study and while I was going through it. I thought God had that Bible study for me for a whole other reason but now I look back on it and see that it was for a new job.
             God was just keeping me in the job that I was in and giving me strength through that Bible study by doing it in my car while I was on my lunch breaks. Yet, He was preparing another job for my down the road. In a way, I feel like He is still doing that in some personal situations in my life. He is preparing me in different ways while He is working on things. I even started to be involved in the secret sister program in my church which I know helped a lot. It got me thinking about other people then just myself. I also started to help with the Sunday School at church like I always use to do. I even helped with VBS and now I am in the prayer ministry also. God has just been drawing me closer to Him because He knows that I need Him right now. He knows that this year hasn't been the easiest for me and that I am waiting for something to happen but til that something happens, He wants me to enjoy and see Him.
            This year hasn't only been the year of changes but it has also been the year of rebuilding for me. I say that because, and I wrote an entry about this too, it had been a year in July when I totally went off my anxiety meds. that the drs. gave me. Yet I have been through all of these things, being off those meds. has shown me that I don't need meds. to get through life, I just need a God who cares for me and loves me deeply.