Compassion Letter for Dad

Dear Daddy,

         Mom told me how still when you were in the hospital, you were still showing compassion. You took a couple of donuts one morning and then told mom to give them to the rest of the hospital staff. You wanted mom to get an old coat from home to give to an international nurse because she didn't have one. You really showed a lot of compassion to children during your superintendent years. You also showed compassion to my fiancé and welcomed him into the family. You also showed compassion to me while I tried to do Math sometimes. All I have to say is "Thank you and I want to be just like you in this area and many others."

                                    Love Your Little Girl,

                                                Tiffney

My November: Compassion

November: Compassion

Mood Tracker:

-Happy: 12 days

-Average: 8 days

-Lonely: 2 days

-Positive: 4 days

-Sad: 7 days 

-Excited: 5 days

Habit Tracker:

-Drink Water: 16 days

-Say prayers: 10 fays

-Eating from HG: 4 days

-Write in blog: 6 days

Think of a challenge you're facing right now. What would you say to a loved one who was experiencing the same challenges you are ?

Answer: It is hard. Really hard. You will start crying for no reason at little things. That's okay. Let those feelings out but don't forget the fun memories that make you smile too. Laugh at them a lot. 

Who are the people in your life who shows you the most empathy and kindness? How do they express it?

Answer: Mom and Dad. They express it by showing us patience when we don't deserve it. They take care of other kids and people. They show it also by helping us when we need it without expecting anything but that's because we know better and pay them back.

Compassion Affirmations:

-I am......Loved.

-I am......Blessed.

-I am......Beautiful.

-I am......Worthy.

-I am......Strong.

-I am......enough just the way I am.

-I am......Patience.

-I am......Thankful for what I have.

Currently:

-Feeling: Sad

-Enjoying: Teaching at another school.

-Anticipating: Thanksgiving and having a class for a week.

-Watching: Candy Coated Christmas, a new Christmas movie with Ree Drummond 

-Planning: Christmas, wedding dress search

November:

-Nov. 1st-New director aka Pam

-Nov. 4th-Brookie 22nd birthday

-Nov. 5th-Went home.

-Nov. 6th-Went to CofO Homecoming and showed Zack the chapel for the 1st time.

-Nov. 7th-Went back to AR

-Nov. 11th-Taught at Gentry. 

-Nov. 12th-Taught at Gentry. 

-Nov. 13th-Ate Kornean BBQ.

-Nov. 15th-Taught at Gentry.

-Nov. 17th-Played in the leaves with the Gentry kids.

-Nov. 21st-Finished Gracie's Box

-Nov.22nd- Last day at the front desk

-Nov. 24th-Dad's burial and family Thanksgiving dinner

-Nov. 25th-Thanksgiving at Tara's and have Gracie her box and she said "yes".

-Nov. 27th-Help mom put up the outside Christmas lights at home and the Christmas tree too.

This Christmas

-This Christmas: "You can't mess up the blessing, but you can miss it!" Don't miss it! No matter what has gone on in your life this year, the Christmas message can't be missed or the feeling of it! It might be hard for some but we can get through it. Remember the reason for the season! Take a break from all the sadness and rejoice!

My October: Patience

Two main words I focused on this month:

-Flexibility 

-Patience 

Mood Tracker:

Happy: 13 times

Patience: 6 times

Fear: 10 times

Bored: 5 times

Confident: 9 times

Productive: 15 times

Habit Tracker:

Drink water: 10 times

Do yoga: 1 time

Say prayers: 13 times

Eating heathly: 3 times

Patience Log:

-Was there a moment where you felt more or less Patience?

More patience:

-Learning how to enroll children

-Less people were at Apple Butter Makin Days

Less patience:

-One kid was a little too wild

-Trying to get to dad

-Not having papers where they should be

October Calendar: 

-Oct. 2nd- Went to Andy's at night

-Oct. 4th- Ask Vicne to be an usher

-Oct. 7th- Ask if Aoife can be flower girl

-Oct. 8th- Went home then dad went to hospital 

-Oct. 9th- Went to Apple Butter Making Days and had a campfire at my parents' house 

-Oct.11th- Dad in hospital 

-Oct. 12th- Dad in hospital still

-Oct. 15th- Drained fluid from dad's lungs in hospital 

-Oct. 16th- Went to deer stand at Zack's dad's place

-Oct. 17th- KC WON!

-Oct. 18th- left work early and Went home and to hospital to see dad. Told him I loved him while I was there. He was "sleeping".

-Oct. 19th- Went to hospital again to see dad for the last time. He passed away at 3:00 with everyone, all the family, around him. 

-Oct. 20th- Met with Steve to get ready for service. 

-Oct. 21st- Back to AR and took a mental day off.

-Oct. 22nd- Went back to MO

-Oct. 23rd- All of the families got here.

-Oct. 24th- Dad's Celebration of Life

-Oct. 25th- Stayed home and then went back to AR

-Oct. 26th- the day I went back to work after dad passed

-Oct. 29th- Found out director is moving and getting a new one

-Oct.30th- Treat Street @ Grace Point Church

Currently:

Loving: My family

Feeling: fearful and sad and confused 

Wishing: my dad would get better

Planning: Trunk or Treating with church, flowers for the wedding 

Yep, that was my month of October. How was yours?

Letter of Gratitude for Thanksgiving

           I know this is a little late but I just thought of it. I am going to write a letter of gratitude for Thanksgiving but I wrote it way before then. I wrote it last month on the morning my dad passed away. I was sitting on the back porch all by myself looking at the sunrise. Everyone has left for the hospital but I was going later. Here it is what I wished I could have said to my dad and should have: 

Dear Daddy,

           Don't know what to say but thanks. Thanks for believing in your littlest girl. I know there were times you had to be patience with me. From math to cars. You knew I wouldn't make it in life without those two things. You were there guiding me through every job loss. You were the strength when I didn't have any because I knew I had to make you happy somehow. I knew you were always there for me and you were til the very end. Thank you for everything and all of the memories.

Love,

Tiffney 

No More Scars

         My mom picked this song to play on the video of family pictures at

 my dad's celebration of life and I couldn't agree more. 

 His life was exactly like this. He had so many scars from all of his 

cancers, heart problems, and muscle problems but now he is free of them 

and the pain that they caused. He has a whole new body. It is true 

that the only scars in Heaven is holding him now. He fought a good fight 

and ran a good race. He even said that he was finished and I can't blame him. 

He fought it good and long and over and over again. It is sad for all of us 

but we know he is in a better place and he had strength to get through everything 

he needed too. He had that strength because he prayed for it. One saying I will 

never forget is one that he said at the end of our meal prayers. It was: "May You 

give us the strength to do Your Will". And I think he felt like he had done it. 

Even though, he was planning and thinking about other things and living life like 

he could get through it. Deep down I think he knew his time was close but he didn't

want any of us to see him weak until we really had to because that was just who my 

dad was. 

Scars in Heaven-Casting Crowns 

     I would've stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter

Now what I'd give for one more day with you
'Cause there's a wound here in my heart where something's missing
And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time
But I know you're in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now

I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now

There's not a day goes by that I don't see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I'm standing with you in the sun, I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now

Lord, Give Me Strength to Do Your Will

"Lord, give us the strength to do Your Will."

That's my dad's ending to every prayer of his. Maybe that is why the Wilson family is so stubborn intimate and extended? I mean you can call it stubbornness or you can call it strength. It all depends on how you know us. That is a saying I'll never forget. I actually need to make a sign and put it on my wall.               Anyways, I have been trying to have strength lately with everything going on from job to wedding to other things. I wont lie, it is hard. Really hard. It has been harder since COVID hit. I am always worrying about something or thinking about the what ifs and I us to do that because of my anxiety but now it has just gotten worse. I've tried not to cry but those are the moments where you have had just too much. 

           I mean add the words flexible and patience to the word strength and it is like you are carrying the whole world on your shoulders. You have to be patience with the strength you have but at the same time you have to be flexible with that strength if something has to change. Strength, flexible, and patience are the words of my life that I will never get right. I will always be working on them and praying for them. 

           Think about it when you have to be patience and wait for something but during that time you need to be flexible. That does make your strength go faster. I am learning though through some things if you just speak up some things will change. You still have to be flexible but you found a solution. But yet, it doesn't always happen that way. You can hold on for dear life and try to think of ways to be flexible and okay with it. You tried to be patience until things are right again. But what if, they never do get right again? Is that strength for those two things still good? Are you learning something from using that strength in that time or season? Is it just making you have more strength to get through the next thing?

              Those are questions that I am still trying to figure out myself. Think the answer will come in a lifetime but hey, I can still try to figure it out, right? 

My August: Desire

Calm: 8 days

Lonely: 3 days

Anixous: 6 days

Love: 4 days

Happy: 8 days

Bored: 2 days

Drink water: 13 days

Eat Healthy: 7 days

Headaches: 4 days

Do yoga: 3 days

Write verses: 7 days

Take Vit D/outside: 21 days

Brush teeth: 12 days

August 1: Lighting storm-lighting stuck tree by my parents' room

August 7: went tax free shopping for my classroom

August 8: brought old books for wedding

August 11: start paying photographer for wedding 

August 12: found out we were going to only have one preschool room and wasn't mine 

August 13: Last day of PD

August 15: wrote card for my bridesmaids 

August 16: first day of school 

August 18: had to get new battery for Car

August 20: order save the dates invites

August 21: brought some bowls for centerpieces for the wedding

August 27: save the dates came in the mail

August 28: went to Bed Bath and Beyond and made a wedding list

August 31: mailed out bridesmaid cards

Things I desire are:

-to have a class of my own

-2 bedroom apartment

-a beautiful wedding 

-a house of our own

-having a daycareof my own

-COVID to be over for good

People Need to See God Through Us

How Joseph Became the Prince of Egypt 

4 views that people far from God need to see in people near to God:

1. GIFTED by GOD

        -Gen. 41:14-24

2. LED by the SPIRIT

       -Gen. 41:38

3. TRUSTWORTHY in CHARACTER

        -Gen. 41:40-41

4. HONORABLE in ALL

         -Gen. 41:42

-Matthew 5:16

-"We are just the light reflection of THE LIGHT."

           -John 8:12

Eyes of the World Through 6 Different People

Through eyes of an American.

Worried about tommrow. Yes, I am writing this on Sept 10th so it could actually mean I am worried about the 11th and what will happen. I am also worried about the future tommrows. The tommrows of this free nation. Will all our freedoms get taken away? Will we not be a free nation anymore? Will this nation never go back to "normal" like it was when our grandparents lived? Has this nation forgot about all the wars that were fought? All the lives that were given? Is History going to repeat it self because certain veterans are gone?

Through eyes of a Christian.

Worried about my freedom to worship. I know. God has gotten me this far in life. What if it comes to no more praying or worshipping a certain way? I pray for strength everyday. I live on prayer and worship songs. What's going to happen if I can't do that anymore? Then what about my servant's heart has a Christian? No missions. No giving away things for free. No Helping anyone because we are too scared to get out.

Through eyes of a Daughter.

Worried about my parents. All this strange technology and them trying to keep up even when I can't. Worried about my dad and his health while being in the hospital with sick people with COVID. Sad that he can't go to church or out much because of COVID. His immune system is weak. Having to get the shot just for him. Just so I can be around him. Then there is my mom that is stressing because she has to keep my dad safe through all of this. Driving him to appointments and waiting on him. 

Through eyes of an Aunt.

Worried about my nephews and nieces. Some of them are young and don't understand the whole world just yet. When they finally do, is it a world I want them to understand? For my older ones, fighting everyday for their beliefs and because of their skin color. Trying to stay away from the bad things that are pushed on them but that they get caught up in anyways. They are so smart and know better because they have been taught better but for some reason that one weak moment got them. It is like if we let our shield down for a second it is there to jump on us.

Through eyes of a person getting married.

Wondering if I should change the date or not because who knows what the world will be like in a year. Will the chapel be open? Will I be able to get all the things I need or want? How do I handle certain things? Will all the family be able to come? Will we have to wear masks again? It is harder to be this kind of person in a time like this because you just never know what will happen. Everything is literally up in the air. 

Through eyes of a Preschool Teacher.

Not having a class of my own is killing me. Always having low ratio. People quitting because of COVID. Not finding others to replace them. Parents not wanting kids to get sick so they're not sending them to school. Having to take the child's temp. Everytime they come in. Having to go get the kids up front because the parents can't come in to the classroom yet. Having to wear masks so the kids can't hear you so they don't know what to do. Having to teach over the computer so learning new things is hard for them. Coming up with lesson plans is even harder for teachers when we have to do that.

But guess what those aren't 6 real different people. They are all me and who makes me me. A lot is happening and it hits me every way and it is a lot sometimes. All these questions in my mind. I can't help but not cry because the weight is just to heavy to carry by myself. I just wish all this was over and done. I wish we didn't have to worry anymore.

Four Tips to Avoid a Fast and Furious Life

These were points and quotes from last Sunday's sermon. I also have one verse thats I want to write down.

Here are the tips:

-We need to be in control or we will be controlled.

-Find your limits or your limits will find you.

-Slow down before you break down.

-Live and leave your legacy. 

Here are some quotes from the same sermon:.

-"Hurry is the enemy of our life."

-"If you want to go fast, go alone."

-"It takes two to forgive, but it takes one to start it."

-Gen. 33:14

         -"I will lead on slowly."

This is what came to my mind when connecting life and the sermon:

Maybe God is not giving me a teacher to slow down and get ready for the wedding? Maybe this is a more of a blessing then a curse? I can do other things instead of not teaching for a few months. Things like organizing a room, cleaning kitchen, and/or helping keep the whole center clean. God knows what I need. More then I do. 

Breakfree

"You can't control your world or everything in it, but you can control your character!"

-Gen. 37:36

-Gen. 39:1-3

Beliefs and actions=character 

3 values of character

         -Character is TRUSTED.

                   -Gen. 39:2-6- Leaving everything in Joseph's hands.

                   -Gen. 39:4

Why trust anyone?

         -His Being is God's saturation.

                  -Gen. 41:38

-Are you so obviously filled with the spirit of God?

         -Character is TESTED.

                    -Gen. 4:7 (The Message)

1. NO means NO.

2. RUN means NOW not later.

-Character is CONSISTENT.

-Gen.39:3-4-In the Palace

-Gen. 39:21,23-in the prison

My July: Courage

Mood Tracker:

-Stressed: 5 days

-Worried: 4 days

-Calmed: 11 days

-Happy: 7 days

-Loved: 4 days

-Dread: 2 days

July Habit Tracker:

-Say Prayers: 9 days 

-Do Yoga: 3 days

-Don’t Talk Wedding: 2 days

-Takes Meds: 27 days

-Eat Healthy: 14 days

-Headaches: 12 days

I have felt the bravest when:

-I went to another country alone for 1st time.

-I moved to live in another state.

My dad is the most courageous person because he has been through cancer 4 times and the MG and he still works through it. He won't sit still at all.

My favorites:

Do I have any pets?

-a cat named Jake

Am I an early bird or night owl?

-I am an early bird.

What other state would I like to live in?

-Montana 

What is my dream job?

-Owning a daycare.

Days of the Month:

July 2nd-Went home for th 4th and got AC back in car.

July 3rd-Did fireworks at home.

July 5th-Got engagement pictures taken at Crystal Bridge.

July 6th-Did a yoga class outside with Cocoon for the 1st time.

July 7th-Startee summer break with parents.

July 9th-Got hair trimmed that was a 1st in a year.

July 11th-Last day of summer break.

July 13th-Dad went back into hospital. Center got closed again.

July 14th-Went back to vitual.

July 15th-Dad still in hospital.

July 16th-Got headache shot again and blood work labs.

July 17th-Brought Unity Cross.

July 20th-My Co teacher put in her 2 weeks.

July 21st-Dad got new meds that work. 

July 24th-Went to the Farmer's Market and got flowers and lavender cookies.

July 26th-My co teacher's last day.

July 27th-Day came home.

July 28th-Day went back to hospital.

Jacob's Time When He Recieved Christ

Gen. 32:24-32

-verse 30

       -My life has been delivered.

3 moves God makes and what we should do:

            -When God initiates, we need to respond.

            -When God speaks, we need to request.

            -When God works, we need to receive it.

-Hebrews 4:7

-John 10:10

Jacob's Gifts From God:

-New life....new identity 

-Redeemed past.....promising future 

-"Your story isn't about your limp but it's  about God's Grace."

Mental Health Awearness

            As most of you know, I am not big when it comes to talking about what is on the news or about politics but that is usually because I don't know how or what to talk about when it comes to those things. I just leave those things to my dad and big brother to talk about. Lately, though, I have been interested in the Olympics and what Simon Biles has been doing and saying. Some of you might think it is all politics or just the news but I truly believe it is not. 

              I believe wholeheartedly in what she is saying because I can relate. Mental Health is not something to mess with. I feel like I can relate a lot to Simon Biles and totally understand. Here is my story of Mental Health. I have had anxiety I think since college if not before but I finally admitted it when I was out of college living by myself at 27 years old. I didn't admit it right on my own. It took me a few months to a year to admit it because I was scared of what people would think of me, even my family. I was scared that if they knew I was on medicine for something like anxiety they would not believe me. I had the help of my Sister in Law, even though I never told her till now if she is reading this, to understand what I was going through and to get help. I had to face the fact that I needed help and that 1st help was with medicine.

             Since then I have researched things to help with my anxiety. I have researched probiotics and gut health that I stuck with for about a year but it wasn't for me. Then I researched yoga and tried some of that out and I am still doing it on and off to this day because it does help me relax and loosen up my muscles. I have also researched a lot on the brain and learned how it is an actual sickness and that it is caused by there not being enough things in your brain. The medicine helps with adding more of those things. Now that is all the good things that I Have done to help myself and that other people have helped me with but it wasn't always that easy. 

             I said the hard things were admitting that I had it because people would say oh you aren't believing in God enough or you are just worrying too much, you can control your worrying and you know what you can't when it is a health problem. People would also say "stop worrying so much". I would also wonder why in a big group of people I would be quiet and feel so stressed. It was because my anxiety was high. Too much was going on and too much noise at the same time. It wasn't til a little later that I learned that I could control that better too with help. 

            As a preschool teacher, I feel all of this too but in a different way. I have kids who look up to me so if I let them down I feel like it is my fault. I have parents who are looking for answers and what if I can't give them the answers they want. I work in a field that has a lot of turnover and that stresses me out mentally. So much mentally that I need to learn when to step back and take care of myself. I will be honest because I have moved onto other jobs just because that job in that daycare center got too hard for me, whether not enough teachers or change in admin. Whatever it was, I had to stand up for myself and say "enough is enough" and I did. 

             So all I have to say is "I don't understand Simon Biles but then again I do." I understand all the pressure that she was under. Yeah, I didn't have the world watching me but to me, with my anxiety, it sometimes feels that way with a large group of people. Yeah, I didn't get treated like she did in any way but again I had people that just wouldn't believe and I was scared to even talk about my problem for awhile.

              I am sorry if I am talking about Simon Biles too much or if I am sharing her picture too many times on my Facebook page but then again I am not sorry. She is someone that wasn't scared to stand up for her mental health and back down when she just couldn't do it anymore. She is probably a big role model of mine in the big pictures of things. That is important for me because if you know me you know I don't have a favorite actor or actress. I usually don't keep up with the trends in those things but after this year's summer olympics, I do have a favorite sports person. It is Simon Biles! 

What Happens Next?

           I am so scared of what this next year will bring. Everything is up in the air from work to family. Will I have to change jobs because of how daycare is going? We have 4 teachers in the building as I am writing this and we are on quarantine. Have been for 2 weeks. Will my dad be okay? Dad just spent 3 weeks in the hospital and got shingles while in there. Will I get to have that dream wedding I have always dreamed of or will the chapel close again because of this COVID?Will I get to live the life I've always wanted or will the world end before that?

           I don't want to have to wear masks again. I don't want to have to stay away from family again. I don't want a world where people are fighting again. I don't want to give up. Why give us this hope when it is going to get crushed again? I don't want to be trapped. I want to be free. I want to go places and see people smile. I don't want to live in a depressed world. A lot of questions are going through my mind because of this one small virus. It is funny how something that small can change your thinking and your life.

             I know one thing, though, that I learned from the last lockdown. Anything is possible so I am going to take time to enjoy the little things when I have them now. This delta virus is stronger then the last and that scares me because it can even tell me that people I know can pass away and I hate that. I just want things back to normal like it was 2 years ago. Well, the virus free way. Not everything that we have learned. If that makes sense. Just wish there was something I could do to make it all go away. It is too big, though, for me to handle on my own. Even wearing the masks and getting the shots don't feel like enough. What can I do to help? God, make this all go away!

A Courage Letter to Myself

Dear Future Self,

You are reading this because something has happened and you need the courage to get through it. It might be something good and life changing or it might be something sad and hard to deal with. Whatever it is you can get through it! I believe in you! If you can make it through COVID and all the dealings you had to deal with because of that. You can make it through anything! You made it through not seeing your siblings and nieces and nephews for a whole year. You made it through your 2nd year of dating when you couldn't go anywhere. You made it through all of your dad's sicknesses because of it. You even made it through spending months with your parents and you haven't done that in a long time! Just remember for you and the world nothing could be as bad as COVID was when everything was shut down and stood still. It made you rethink things. Made you think what is important in this life. Made you think what things you take for granted all the time. You can get through anything because you got through COVID! Remember when you are feeling down think of the 3 important people that you always looked to for courage: your dad, your mom and your now fiance. They had every right to stop what they were doing and give up in moments of their lives but they didn't. Something your dad always use to say when he would end a prayer before you guys ate lunch or supper was this: "Lord, give me the strength so I may do you will." and you know what I think. I think God gave those 3 people that strength and courage to walk through life no matter what. So when you need courage and strength just say that short prayer your dad say/always used to say.

Love,

Your Present (2021) self 

My June: Play

May Reflections:

May wins:

Started yoga, lost a few pounds

May hiccups:

Not saying enough prayers 

May favorite moments:

Zack's birthday trip, parents' 50th anniversary, my engagement 

May hard moments:

Getting more children (up to 17 children)

What do I want to start and continue:

Continue yoga, start writing verses 

Mood Tracker: 

Dread: 5 days

Powerless: 3 days

Eager: 2 days

Worried: 4 days

Satisfied: 8 days

Zeal: 11 days

Habit Tracker:

Say prayers: 15 days

Doing oils: 9 days

Doing yoga: 3 days 

Not talk wedding: 7 days

Play log:

1. Using polar bear as a puppet.

2. Made lemonade with the class.

3. Played dress up and school with the nieces.

4. Playing a pom pom game with kitty.

What people bring out out your playful side?

         -My nieces and nephews when they were little.

  

When was the last time you craved out time to play?  What were you doing?

          -Probably 2 years ago with the nephews and nieces. I would either swing with them or play dolls. 

June:

-2nd-had a womens drs. Appointment and found out what was wrong

-3rd-Got letter today that for sure no masks at work.

-4th-1st day of work without mask. Also took a sound bath at Cocoon. Start women's meds.

-7th-1st work day with kids without masks. Felt so good.

-11th-Had our 1st face to face PD day.

-12th-Done meds for 1st week.

-13th-Brought 13 Belle comic books.

-15th-Found out dad had 2/3 blockages in heart.

-17th-Made lemonade with class

-20th-Father's Day an Wes and family came home. First in a year.

-25th-Found out I might have a thing called Chiari Malformation. Took day off from work.

-28th-Told Wes about brain problem.

-29th-A child copied everything  I did and said and he behaved well when he did. 

-30th-Sent chapel money for the wedding to CofO.

Currently:

-Loving: my boyfriend

-Feeling: Stressed

-Enjoying: time with family and a day off work

-Watching: Rio, Luca, and Raya and the Last Dragon

-Planning: engagement pictures and wedding venue

Be Ready! Our King is Coming!

Luke 12:35-48

Jesus is coming back verses:

Mark 8:38

Mark 13:26-27

John 14:3

1 Thess. 4:16-18

Jesus has not abandoned us.

Unilmate fix for worry is the 2nd coming of our King.

3 Parables:

1. Be like servants of a master going to a wedding.-verse 35

         -Be ready and if you are ready you will be blessed.

2. A theif will come in a night.-verse 40

          -No idea when Christ will come.

          -1 Thess. 5:2-4

          -2 Peter 3:10

          -Rev. 16:15

3. Man leaves home to a steward.-verse 40

          -towards pastors, ministers, and leaders.

           -person who manages home well will be promoted.

            -Those who was in charge of teaching The Word will be held to a higher standard and stricter judgment.

James 3:1

1 Cor. 4:1

Be ready! The King is Coming! There will be great blessings for those who are!

How are you ready for the 2nd coming:

-Be ready by being HOLY!

How can I love you (God) and other people today?-Prayer every day.

Titus 2:11-13

Disconnect From Stress

Notes from a workshop we had at work:

1. You have a choice to sit in stress or work through the stress.

Stress can make you feel like you are alone.

2. You have to make a decision not to be scared by stress.

3. What you do in that moment will either have you stay in stress or out of stress.

4. You have to be INTENTIONAL in managing your stress and health and peace.

How to disconnect from stress:

-Get a grip and Learn how to be quiet and still.

-Learn how to have meetings with yourself.

Questions:

-What I am thinking does it keep me stuck or move me forwards?

-What I am thinking about does it increase my stress or decrease my stress?

-What I am thinking about does it connect me to the stress or disconnect me to the stress?

Have a meeting by yourself to get rid of stress.

Three types of boundaries:

-mental

      -Set and resetting your mind.

      -"Your mind is on overload because you have not taken the time to get out of auto pilot and land the plane."

-relational

       -Protecting your identity.

-personal space

       -To enjoy yourself.

       -Don't let anyone mess your space up.

       -Sperate your joyful activity from your stress.

These boundaries create space for me.

-Learn to sleep.

-Naps are good for setting and resetting your mind.

-Value your Peace

       

-How can you know your peace is off:

           -When your stress is your identity.

           -When a person is talkative but they are quiet.

           

Laughter

        -lowers blood pressure 

        

How to make right decisions:

           -Get right info.

           -Seek wise counsel.

           -Make sure to go through the process.

"Always be in a teachable place where you can learn from and not let life/stress get to you."

          

My May: Creativity

May: Creativity 

April's Reflections:

- April's wins

       -got last COVID shot

       -got something for my headaches 

-April's favorite moments:

         -Dad's birthday 

         -Easter 

         - Penny and Aoife gave life to the Lord

-April Hard moments:

         -a lot of headaches 

         - trying to understand people

-What I want to start:

         -Going to yoga

         -Write happy entries 

Mood Tracker: 

        -Depressed: 0 times

        -Overcome: 4 times

        -Blissful: 16 times

        -Exasperate: 9 times

        -Panic: 3 times

        -Passion: 4 times 

May Habit Tracker:

         -Say Prayers: 11 times

         -Bed by 10:45: 11 times

         -Doing yoga: 4 times

         -Using oils: 12 times

Creativity Activity:

-I define Creativity as expressing yourself.

-Creativity isn't throwing things on paper.

-When I am feeling creative, I am listening to nothing. 

-I find the creative flow best when I am outside or by myself.

-I enjoy creating photos, woodburning pieces, or poems.

This is Me:

-What is something that makes me feel joy?

      -my family

-My favorite hobby is:

       -Journaling

-The first thing I like to do when I wake up is:

       -pet my cat

-My greatest talent is:

        -loving children

Calendar:

-May 3rd: first hottest day of summer

-May 4th: Zack's 2nd COVID shot

-May 5th: 1st yoga class at Cocoon

-May 8th: Went county riding in a jeep with mom, Amber, and Jenni

-May 9th: Mother's Day

-May 10th: Zack's das got COVID 

-May 11th: head hurts because of rain

-May 12th: Mom's birthday and 2nd class of yoga

-May 13th: Zack's birthday and he got cowboy boots and a pillow with pictures on it. We also had hot dogs and Mac and cheese for his birthday dinner.

-May 14th: headache but took meds for it

-May 15th: Zack's birthday in Branson. We went to Guy's place and also got old time photos taken of us two. Went to the Landing.

-May 16th: Zack's sad went to the hospital 

-May 17th: No masks at Wal Mart.

-May 21st: Zack's dad doing better

- May 22nd: did mellow yoga aka regular yoga at Cocoon

-May 24: Vincent's birthday 

-May 27th: found out no masks in June at work 

-May 28th: Work Awards 

-May 30th: PARENTS' 50th party with family and friends

AND I GOT ENGAGED during the party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Currently:

-Loving: my Fiancé

-Feeling: stressed and hopeful

-Enjoying: time with family and old friends 

-Anticipating: Zack's birthday and a 3 day weekend

-Planning: Parents' 50th and Zack's birthday 

       

Stressala

"Stress is a disease."

"Mind can work for you or against you."

Here is how you tell if you have a stronger relationship with stress:

-It is part of your identity.

-When thoughts are a lot of your time.

-When people can tell you are stress by you actions.

Here are some stress patterns:

-Passed down through the family.

-Past experiences.

Here is what stress can do to a person:

-mess up peace of mind

-affect health

-affect thoughts

-distance yourself from others.

"When it comes to stress, you have to seperate yourself from stress to know your stress."

-"God has got me! Go away stress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Various Responses to Christ

Luke 11:14-28

What kind of people were around Jesus: 

-3 different kinds of people

-People were amazed at Jesus. 

-People were accusing Jesus.

Acts 19:13-14

Luke 11:23

-"Who is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters."

-People were asking Jesus to show more signs.

Luke 16:27-31

Matthew 12:39-40

"You are more blessed when you put your faith to action."

My April: Freedom

In my April journal, I wrote this:

Mood Tracker:

Insecure: 2 times

Relieved: 10 times

Hope: 7 times

Regret: 0 times

Eager: 3 times

Disgust: 8 times

Habit Tracker:

Take a walk: 2 times

Say prayers: 11 times

Eat one healthy meal: 12 times 

Wash dishes: 4 times

Bed by 10:45: 11 times 

What did I do to feel more free?:

Got my last COVID shot.

During and after time with God.

Sat outside under the sun.

When I don't have to decide.

When I write out my feelings. 

Having the energy to do things.

Walk in the rain. 

Have you ever had a time where you felt trapped in some way? 

Right now, my health.  I just feel like I am not free to eat like I use to. It adds stress to me everywhere in everyday life. 

What do you need that helps you feel more safe and secure in who you are?:

I need to know that no matter how I turn out someone we always love me. I need someone to listen too. 

April 1-Got my 2nd covid shot.

April 2-I got really sleepy and my body was hurting all day. 

April 3-Feel better from the shot.

 Penny and Aoife got baptized. 

April 6-Made play dough with frosting and powdered sugar.

April 10-Plant my impatient flowers.

April 11-Went to tulip farm as a church activity.

April 13-Zack got 1st covid shot. Took my first whole day off of work. 

April 15-Got strong in shot for headache. It helped.

April 17- Ate out at FDs for Dad's 70th b-day and got 6 balloons for him with mom.

April 18-Went back to parents church for 1st time in a long time.

April 20-Snow day in April.

April 23-Da went to ER to take port out.

April 27-Got meds for head and got a stoaid shot for relief. Felt free the next day.

April 28-1st tornado of the season with class at work.

April 29-Flood near me down the road. 

Loving: my whole day off

Wishing: I knew what was wrong with my head.

Watching: Games of Talents, The Mighty Ducks, Vegas Chef Prizefight

My March

What My March was like:       

Word of the month: Curiosity 

          February wins: Started a Bible Study at my new church. It was an online one. 

February hiccups: Prayed less then I would have like to.

What do I want to start?: To journal at least 2 times a month. 

My Moods:

Amazed:  2 times

Stressed: 3 times

Calm: 13 times 

Annoyed: 6 times

Happy: 12 times

Helpless: 3 times

My Habits:

Filling out my journal: 21 times 

Saying prayers: 13 times

Eat healthy meals: 13 times

Talk a walk: 3 times

Go to bed at 11:00: 8 times

Question Log (questions I had throughout the month):

-Will my dad be okay?

-How will headstart run after masks are done with?

-Why after all he has been through?

-What will the world be like after masks?

-Why can't we just love people?

-When is my check coming?

-How do you cure seizures?

-Will there ever be a cure for Altimezier's?

-How much will my bears be in the future?

-Will there ever be a cure for cancer?

What am I curious about:

-I am a really curious about cancer, Alzheimer's disease, and seizures.

-I wish I knew more about how tonstar a website store.

-I'd like to be really good at woodburning.

-If I had the time and money, I'd do craft shows and markets.

-I am fascinated when I look at old bears.

-I could listen for hours to my cat purring.

-I've always wanted to see my dream wedding.

-I love talking about my family. 

-I wonder what Normal is anymore.

What I did:

-March 6th-Went to Topgolf for the 1st time.

-March 7th-Went to Dave's and Buster's for then1st time.

-March 11th-Got my 1st COVID shot. I was really sleepy and arm hurt.

-March 12th- Arm still hurt from shot.

-March 17th-Haf my 1st live observation at work since COVID started.

-March 18th-Had a visitor come to work today and the kids loved what he left them.

-March 19th-Found out how we see going back to normal at work.

-March 20th-Saw all the family or most of it since COVID. Out of state family. 

-March 22nd-Spring break starts at home in MO.

-March 24th-Back in AR for the rest of Spring break. 

-March 27th-Went to the biggest thrift store in NWA. Also, went mini golfing in the rain.

-March 29th-We actually got to go back to work after Spring break. 

-March 31st-Dad had his biopsy. 

Currently:

Feeling- Loved, wanted, annoyed, worried

Wishing-I could be thinner.

Enjoying-the new food I am trying, Spring break

Watching-A Dog with Blog, Full House, The Masked Singer

Planning-Spring break, what to spend my check on

Loving-my boyfriend 

            As you can probably tell by this entery, March was not boring at all. I can tell you that April's entery won't be boring either. It just keeps getting busier and crazier from here.

Easter 2021

           Easter have been different for the past two years. Last year it was because of COVID and this year we are trying to get back to "normal" which is strange now too. For me, that's not the only reason it is strange for me. A lot has happened over this Easter weekend. A lot that shows new life like Spring and Easter should show.

           First, Dad went into the hospital and had no idea why or what was wrong. He stayed there for about 4 days. The drs. did all these tests but we still had no answers. Finally, his regular Dr. came in and said we are going to figure this out. They went ahead with the biopsy and we still don't know. That is where I worried and waited. 

           Second, I got my last COVID shot on Thursday. Now I can be free in life and start anew that way. It is almost Iike I was born again in a strange way. It was like that shot really had to go through my body to make a difference. I felt really bad on Friday. Worse then I had felt since high school and I slept all night Friday night. Yet I woke up on Saturday refreshed and felt like new. So that was the born again and refreshing feeling for me.

          Third, my 2 youngest nieces got baptized last night at their Easter eve service. That gave me another feeling that Spring and Easter are known for. That feeling is Hope. Hope that they will grow closer to the Lord everyday. Hope that they will have a good life especially these days. Hope that they know their aunt will always love them. Their Hope that they will just have in life too. 

           Fourth, came Easter Day and we all know what that means. It means that we don't deserve the Amazing Grace that is given to us. We get it because Jesus paid for our sins on the cross and rose again to set us free. Just like all the feelings I was feeling the past few days. 

          The feeling of fear, sleepiness, worry, sickness, and many more. Jesus has set us free from all of those because we have love and hope because He lives. 

          How often is it that you feel all the bad feelings before Easter but then you get to Easter day and you burst into tears at church because you know God is good? How often is it that you feel like you are actually free? You know He took all that pain away and He still does to this day. How often us it that you want to examine the feeling but just can't find the right words? That's how it is for me right now. That is how Easter 2021 felt for me and what it will always be remembered for. 

Living in Two Worlds

            Living in two worlds in one week is crazy. I thought I would take a break from my anxiety meds since I wasn't really stress this week but I was wrong. I cried for the first time last night in a long time. It is like I am living in two worlds. I wish I could just live in one. I wish I could be normal and not get so worked up about things even for a week would be nice. I also noticed that the past two nights I couldn't sleep because my mind wouldn't turn off. 

               That's when I started thinking about things happening I guess and I just started to cry. Yes, its good to cry every once in awhile especially when meds are holding you back but it is still strange. You cry and you don't know why. You are all worked up and you don't know why. I guess what's going on in today's world is really upsetting. Maybe I am happy that I found a way to work through this tough time in history. Yes, I am hearing and seeing all the things going on but yet I am not overthinking them because I am on anxiety meds.

              Yes, they are bad and wrong and touching home for me in some ways. I know that but if I was without then I know i would be crying non stop this past year. I would have been feeling miserable and cried at every little thing good or bad. To be honest, I wanted to cry this past weekend when I got to see almost everyone at home because it has been forever but I didn't. I really wanted to cry while hugging my nieces but I held back.

             Then so many changes back and forth this year too which I could never stand. Not very many people say this but I know that this past year would have been a mess for me if I didn't know how to control my anxiety. Plus I have people that I can talk to about those things that are bothering me too and that I don't understand and that helped big time too. Yet again I was not overthinking and not scared to ask those questions to get those answers. I wasn't scared to share my thoughts because of how I controlled my anxiety.  

             I can say that this past year really tested me and my anxiety but thank goodness I knew how to control it and what I needed before things got really bad in the world. Thank goodness that I said yes to meds years ago! Now I don't regret taking them because I see that as a person I need them and God made me that way for a reason. I see that the meds really do help a person even when people don't think they do. People with anxiety really have a mental problem that no one really understands just yet and I see that in myself because of this past year. There were a lot of changes and history made in the past years but I didn't freak out or overthink those things because I knew how to control my problem. 

            Sometimes we just have to go with the flow and other times we have to figure out what works for us when no one else believes it will. There are my summaries from the two different worlds I have been in just this week. Please don't think any different of me. 

Wrote April 6th, 2021.

My February

Summary of my February 

Word: Endearment 

How many times did I feel:

Happy: 8 times

Stress: 6 times 

Sad: 3 times 

Sleepy: 4 times

Loved: 1 time

Calm: 12 times

How many times did I:

Go to bed at 11:00: 13 times

Talk a walk: 0 times

Said my prayers: 7 times

Wrote in my journal: 17 times 

What brought me warmth, love, or joy:

-God created me for me

-Family talking about the Chiefs

-my boyfriend

-my cat Jake

-ice day on my 1st work anniversary 

Self-Care Bingo Exercise:

-Spent time with family

-made a cup of tea

-took 5 deep breath

-spent time outside

-started a new TV show

-listened to music

-called up an old friend

-light candles

-made soup

-gave myself a mani

What events happened and when:

-on the 10th- was an ice day and stayed home from work

-on the 11th: was an ice day and home from work

-on the 12th: snowed all day. Went to pick up a few things and selves were empty

-on the 14th-snow all day

-on the 15th: 4 inches of snow, PD day at home, lights went out 

-on the 16th: sunny but snow on the ground. Work from home

-on the 17th: snow a little bit more this morning but sunny rest of day.

-on the 18th: snow sill on ground and Rover landed on Mars.

-on the 21st: snow almost gone

-on the 23rd: snow last week and 72 degrees today

What was I:

Wishing: people wouldn't wait til last minute 

Feeling: worried, stressed a lot, jealous 

Loving: cuddle time and days off

Anticipating: seeing my parents and the snow storm

Watching: CSI, Smart Guy, Blue Bloods

Reading: God of Creation by Jen Wilkin

Planning: Valentine's Day for my boyfriend 

Enjoying: the ice and snow days

Duality Exercise:

-I am a good teacher but also stressed.

-I am anxious but also want to say things.

-I am put altogether but also torn apart.

-I am a helper but also a strong woman.

-I am a student but also a teacher.

-I am a princess of God but also a sinner.

This was my February. How did yours go?

The God of Details-A Poem

 The God of Details

God is nor just an Almighty God.

He is a personal God too. He cares about

The big and little things. He cares 

About everything. 

God is the God of details too. Not

Just the big things. Every detail is

Not forgotten. He does care about

Creation. He cares about each person 

Too.

He cared enough to name flowers.

Every animal. God cared enough

To put us with the right people. He

Gave each of us different fingerprints.

Every detail is important to God. You

Are important to God. When you need

To know how important you are, 

Remember the God of Details.

The Almighty God cares for you and

Everything around you. You might

Think something is wrong with you,

But guess what?! Not a detail is wrong

With you. You are prefect! You are

God's Child!

Written by: Tiffney Wilson

Written on: Feb. 22, 2021

The Good 2020- Month by Month Activities

         2020 was an usual year for most of us. So unsual that we are trying to look for and post the good things that happened in 2020, which is good because we need to realize that God was in everything at all times. I am going to name my by month if I can. Pick something out good from each month. Maybe that would help me see more of how blessed I was in 2020.

January- Got a new job but had the confidence to quit it too. Was really sick at the start of the month but got over it. Really bad cough. 

February-Started a new job and it was a big job. Had 20 kids and some of them weren't the easiest but I hung on. Got one of the kids to come half day. 

March-Was finally getting the hang of the job but then had to stay home even after Spring Break.

April-Don't remember much from April. Think it was just getting use to the new normal. Couldn't have Easter with all the family. 

May-Got to celebrate my boyfriend's 40th birthday. I kind of made a big deal about it by having a big sign put out in his yard.

June-Got to spend a lot of time with my parents. Spent most of the month at their house. Learned how to do a new craft. Woodburning. Found a new church we both liked online. Started a new side job selling nails.

July-Spent most of the month at my parents' house. Got to spend 4th of July with them. Also, spent some more time doing Bible journaling, which I have been wanting to work on. 

August-Started work back up again but it was way different. Only had 6 kids to teach. Had to wear masks to work. Parents couldn't come in building. 

September- First full month back at work. Also, took a couples Bible study together. Went to that new church for a live service for the first time. 

October-Zack got a new job with a better schedule for him. 

November-Questions were asked over Thanksgiving.

December-First snow day of the year even before Christmas. First Christmas where I kind of spent Christmas Day with both families.