Back to the Basics of Life

         "Getting back to the Basics of Life" has been the theme of my life this past week. It is strange how it came to my mind though. This past Saturday, at church, we were talking about how Christians need to get back to the basics like the Bible and Prayer. I got that and I thought during the sermon, "oh, boy another boring service" but then my mind took a turn. We said "The Apolate's Creed" and I use to do that at the church I went to during college. I got to thinking about college and everything after that. What I did back then and now. What I liked and how I did things.
          For some reason, I'm going back there and liking it more and more. I'm learning to do things over, I'm looking for new things, I'm thinking about going back to college, and I'm learning that I would like to either teach or own my own daycare/preschool. Those have been my old, first dreams. It feels like I'm starting over being back at the very basics. Seems like God is just restarting my life again because I wouldn't pay attention to Him during something. Not quite sure what that is yet.
           It is like He is telling me that I can't do anything but this one thing. He is also telling me that this is who I really like or what I really like in a person. These are the kinds of friends I need around me. The most important this is I am getting to find out my true self. It is really like I was trying to be someone different to please certain people but now I don't feel like I have to be that or or even what to be that way. It is more stressful then it seems. I can't explain more because I would give out too much information.
            It is like when I get back to the basics of life, I am more beautiful and strong then ever. Just like when we get back to the basics for a church it makes that church beautiful and stronger for what they love.  My passion for children is becoming stronger and I feel like I can do it. Strong enough to say something and do something about it. It also shows me how I want to change lives. Sometimes we just have to learn the hard way or wait for the way that God has for us.
             You might not get the experiences that you do when you try to be someone. I'm not saying to be someone different. I'm just saying that we might mess up because we are humans but God can use those as teaching moments and bring us back around to who we really are. I need to write more about it away from this because the other stuff is more personal but I want to remember it and how I felt.
             

My Heart is Full of Guatemala

         My heart is Full and I will tell you why in this short entry. At work, right now, all of our girls are part, if not all, Hispanic but 1. So it is 3 out of 4 that are Hispanic. It didn't get through to me until last night when I was watching one of the girls go to sleep. I couldn't take her laying there any more so I rocked her some but I didn't want to leave the room to go do anything else until she fell asleep. It was only her second night and she has had a hard life like all of these other children.
          When she was in her bed, eyes wide awake and looking at me to see what I was doing, she reminded me of my Guatemalan preschoolers and young. You know when you go to another country and the children have that sad look on their face when you first show up. That is what her face looked like laying in bed. I mean she looked like she was from/ part Guatemalan but I don't know her background at all. It just broke my heart, though.
            My heart is full because I have 3 Hispanic that "I can help here in the states and hopefully they will grow up and be good, young adults. Looking at her though made me miss Guatemala a lot. I can't go another year without going again. I just can't. God has laid that place hard on my heart.  One of the other Hispanic girls also knows how to play soccer perfectly and she is only 3 years old. I love it because I get to play it with her sometimes in the gym and she is tough. She knows what a goal is and everything like how to make one.
              She is my little soccer player and I love it! She will play by herself or if I run up to kick it she will start to play with me. She is really smart about soccer but then again what can you say about that. Someone must of taught her at a very, young age to play that and if that someone was a true Hispanic then they probably did. I have so much fun with her. She also gets a little mad when I take the ball away and keep it away. She gets into the game without even knowing it, I think.
              I will say "want to play soccer" or "do you know how to play soccer" and she would just look at me like what are you talking about. When I say you want to kick a ball with me, she will answer "yes" or "no".  It sad when you miss little things like those in life but when you find them that's is what makes you keep doing what you are doing until you are worn out. God has me there now and wants me there now because He knows I love it and can help those children somehow.

26 years in Child Development

         I've been thinking a lot about my "life" degree and what it means to the people around me lately and when I first started life with it.  If you want to be right, I do have a "life" degree in Child Development for 26 years but yet I went to college for it but that's not the point and I don't regret it at all. I love my degree! It leaves chances wide open for me but what I don't like about it is how most jobs put it on their unimportant scale. If you want to go more into it, they will put older, middle school and up, youth before the preschoolers, which is the area I love too death.
         Seeing how some people and jobs put children and childcare alone just makes me sad. How some people treat people like me with a college degree or experience or both like we know nothing. I'm not trying to say I know it all but it's true how we get treated and that of course goes for teachers too. I have seen and lived with both sides and it's hard to come to this realization that people think we are people who do nothing but take care of their children and get paid like we don't do anything at all.
          Sometimes, if not all the time, I think people should really look at college degrees and get the best, most caring people for jobs with children so they can grow and learn the right way. It is becoming to where anyone can just be a teacher now without a 4 to 5 years teaching degree. You can get a 2 year or less degree and be a teacher. Some jobs just "throw" childcare and the little ones to the side and act like they don't care. The people with the degree in related fields get no say because they are looked down as they know nothing.
          If I had to pick a "least of these" job/degree it would be child development or teaching because having classes in both, I know I have to speak up to be heard or people just won't care to ask what I know. I'm happy the have the "least of these" degree because deep down no matter if other people will get/understand me or ask me for advice, I am changing a child my way and that is all that matters in the long run. I don't need to be at the top of the ladder in this business. I just need to change at least  one child's life and I'll be happy. We might not be the rewarded with money but we are rewarded in LOVE AND RESPECT and that is what matters the most.
           It is funny that I say that because wasn't it Jesus that said "let the little children come to me". Jesus even thought that the children were important more then anything or anyone else. He told the crowd that they could learn things from these little ones and we can. They are more outgoing and outspoken then any of us adults ever will be. I just wish that the world would see that children were important to Jesus and God so they need to be important to us.
           They are our future. Sorry for the cheesy quote but it is true. Right now, we have a pretty bad future ahead of us because all we care about are is paperwork, getting everyone on the same page, and how our businesses look on the outside instead of what is on the inside. We need to focus more on our children or the world is lost as we know it.
           Just to let people know that don't know me at all or too well this is coming from a person who has babysat, been a teacher's aide for 4 years of high school, been a daycare/preschool teacher for 5 years, been a headstart teacher for 2 years, have 10 nieces and nephews, and is working now at a children's home. Not to mention been to Mexico, a Guatemalan orphanage, and two homeless shelters both of them in Texas. Just saying I have seen my share of children.
       

Beautiful on the Outside but Messed Up on the Inside

        To start this post of I did something dumb that a girl should never do because she can guess the answer she will get back but it came around as a good lesson about my life right now. I asked one of my guy friends if I needed to change anything about me for him to like me. Questions like: Do I need to be more outgoing?, Do I need to be prettier?, and a few others. I won't tell you the whole situation that was going on because now that I look back at it it was dumb to start with.
         He did write back which was kind of a surprise but then again not really.  He wrote back: "Nothing is wrong with you, Tiffney." I thought at first, "Okay He doesn't care. He just wants to sweep this under the rug." Then I saw him and he was more compassionate. Anyways, after about a week of thinking about it and 2 church service later once again he said something that fits my life right now or really that doesn't fit my life but is a challenge for me now.
         I've noticed that this weekend and last weekend I have tried to dress up on the outside so pretty just because I felt like I needed to and wanted to. I don't get to dress up for work. Yesterday I went a got my nails done which I never do but I did it because it was relaxing. Again, having to do with work. I needed to relax somehow and treat myself at the same time. I was beautiful on the outside but in the inside I'm such a mess right and everything is wrong with me.
          I know or at least hope my guy friend was trying to cheer me up but let's face it. Everything is wrong with me and we know it. From work to personal life, nothing feels right anymore and I have no idea where to go in life. I work too much to have friends and when I'm around them I'm mad or sleepy because of work. I have grad school on my mind. I have friends on my mind. I have the children at work on my mind. I have me on my mind. I have Guatemala on my mind. I'm not okay. I'm going crazy. I complain everyday at work. I tried to stand up for the children.
          Yet none of my friends can see that because I'm so good at being strong and stubborn. I grew up that way because I had to being the Superintdent's daughter and all plus going to a small country school. I'm so good at holding my own but now I just want to break and no one is around me for me to break with. I never thought I would be that kind of person who is broken and confused inside but not out. Everything is wrong with me but I wish nothing was. I need to get back to life but it's hard right now.
          I need to get back to being beautiful on the inside and outside so people will want to be around me more. It is just so lonely being alone. It might be because they turely don't know what is going on with me because I'm scared to tell them because of what they might do. Down to my very health everything is wrong with me. I want to be that perfectionist but I can't as life goes on. I can't do everything by myself like I feel like I'm doing right now.  Just to let you all know I'm not better then you all, I just don't know what to say or do around you because I feel like I don't match up most of the time. Here I am the younger one of the group and out of place. Everything I do is wrong or dumb to me because I'm scared.
           I need to get where there is "nothing wrong with me". Beautiful on the inside and outside. But how is the question that I am asking myself now. All these thoughts like I said in my head. I can't just pick one. I need help. Who did God make me to be?

Children Do Need a Dad

         Now by the title some women/girls will not read this but let me explain. I'm dinfantly not against moms and not trying to be. Moms are the supporter and carrier of the family. If it wasn't for her, in all ways, there wouldn't be a family at all. Tonight at work, though, God showed me the importance of having a Dad too. We really do need both to make a family work.
          Dads have things and can teach children things that moms cannot especially little boys.  Little boys tend to listen to dads more. They can rough play with them. They can learn how to be leaders if they are the right kind. Dads have more power over us, moms. It is just the way God made us. When little boys see that a man really cares about them, they might behave. The dad just has that strong look and deeper voice that little boys know.
           I'm talking about this because I saw something happen with one of my little boys tonight. He had a lot of energy and was acting up and hitting his peers. He would not listen to me when I tried to calm him down and explain things. We had a guy that was working around the building tonight and he came on our wing just in time and took the little boy away to spend some time with him to calm down. He just needed that attention from a male person.
           He came back on the wing after they got done talking and he was really well behaved. Everything was "yes, mama", "I'll help you" to staff and peers, and everything else. Some children need that attention because they don't get it at home especially in my case. It is amazing how they will act out for a women but not for a guy. The little boy seemed nervous to tell me sorry but he did because the guy was right beside him making sure he did. There were little things that he did, though, that we had to ask if he wanted to go back to that guy. He straighten right up because he did not want to go back.
           This reminds me of God and us as his Children in a way too. We all act like children in God's eyes. We get to where we want to do our own thing and not listen to Him. We just go about our daily lives. We even cry out and throw fits to Him. We hurt people because we are not listening to God. Sometimes He lets us until it turns bad but then He talks us through it through His Word. He promises us that He knows what is best, He will keep us safe, and He loves us.  That is why He is Our "Father".  We fear God too. We don't know what He is going to do next in our lives or how He is going to do it.  We know to trust Him because He has never let us down and never will.  I could go on forever about this subject but I won't. Hopefully, you get the idea.
              Makes me think, at this point in my life, I will do want a husband with Godly traits and now I know why. I've always wanted one, of course, because I knew it was better but my eyes have been open to the truth. I now also understand more clearly why God made man the way He did. It is a strange way to learn about both "roles" but it is a good picture at the same time.
         

Horse Time for the Children

      I had a cute moment with my children two days ago.  It reminded me why I work where I do and that I am really there for the children. To give them the experiences that they will might never get to have. It was kind of like that moment where the older children built the snowman during the winter but to me what we did was more my style.
       We went on a nature walk behind the building and on a little path that we have beside the building. We have a farm that has horses on it behind us. We walk up there because the children, at least, loves to see the horses. They asked a lot about going to see them. This is the first group that I have had through that went up to the horses. It was cute to because 3 out of 5 horses came up to the fence for the children to pet them. The children had a blast petting them. They were scared at first but when I petted them they saw that it was safe.
        It was so cute seeing those smiles on all of their faces and jumping up and down. I almost forgot that the children were right beside me. I was so in my country zone. It has been awhile since I have petted or been on a horses but I stayed with it. :) It just meant a lot to me that I could share something with the children that was also really special to me. There was a brown and white horse, gray pony, and another one that I forgot what color he was.
         I remember thinking to myself, "This is why I am here. To make the children happy." It would have been a great picture opportunity. One of the children even tried to feed one of the horses some grass. He kept saying, "Here is some grass horsey." We probably spent a good 15 to 20 mins. just watching and petting the horses. Plus the horses were on top on a hill almost so you could look out and see some hills and mountains straight across. It was so beautiful. A clear, hot, sunny day but it was worth it all.
         I miss moments like these in my own life sometimes. Reliving them with children especially ones that need it feels amazing! It's like I can share knowledge with them and I have these little moments to remember too. Moments where they might feel good about themselves.

Getting Nails Done

          As most of you know I am more tomboy then I am a girly girl. More country then rich but then I count myself rich when I'm in the country. I was getting my hair trimmed at a salon this morning and a thought came to be that I haven't thought about in forever. It was a thought that I needed because maybe it will help me through this time of confusion. I thought about getting my fingernails and toenails done to make me feel a little bit better. It's a girl thing and the girls will understand. It is also like I have no one to make me feel special do I'm going to do that myself. I need it every great once in awhile and it has been awhile.
         What I was thinking about was the last time I got my nails done and that was with some very, important friends of mine on a shopping trip during the summer. I remember my mom being in shock when she came to pick me up because it was something I would never do but it was a fun time with this friend. I was thinking about how special and get it felt just to get away from everything for about a hour or two and just please myself instead of everyone like I tend to do.
          I remember it like it was yesterday but really it was like 8 or 10 years ago maybe longer. I think it was also a way secretly for my friend to tell me to stop biting my nails because she didn't like that I did that either. I remember that the color I had picked was a pearly, white color. The person doing my nails just cleaned and painted them because she couldn't do too much because I had no nails to work with. The polish lasted for about a week and a half. We did go school shopping afterwards or before. Don't quite remember when but it was during our annually shopping trip.
          Life is not perfect right now and getting my hair cut at the salon just made me think how I need to set up an appointment to get that done again just for me and to relax. It is funny because it brought me back to a time in my country life that I never thought I would remember but I do. It made this country girl feel cared for and relaxed because it was something new and something I had never done before. It was a new experience for me.
           It could also be an example of how I love to experience new things and I should just go for it on some things. That experience was fun but the problem is it wasn't has life changing as some of them I have to make now. I was a little, country girl having fun back then and now I'm adult that has to make her own choices. Not only that I live in the city in AR, which I never thought I would do. A lot of my life as been things I never thought but that is what life is, right? It keeps being those unexpected things. I just wish that some days I could go back to being that little, country girl that's on the farm with her fingernails painted. This is my forever dream!

What's Normal?

        When some of you might read this you might think I'm putting myself or other people down. I am not and I am not talking about certain people besides myself. This is what I have seen over the years and learning more and more about myself and who God made me to be. The question of this entry is: What's normal?
         After working with children that has a lot of problems and myself just calming down and thinking about things, there is no normality among children or people. Being a teacher's and superindent's daughter helps too. I like to believe that now I am working and around children that need help in some way or another all the time, I am seeing my weaknesses. I feel like God is turning my life around and using those weaknesses because I understand them perfectly. This is a real transparent piece of writing but I'm learning and would like to share with people.
        I'm not normal and any person who think there is such thing is not normal. I grew up all my life thinking I am normal and I have to normal. There is nothing wrong with me that I can't fix. My stubbornness there. Being a superindent's daughter should gave that thought away. People, even teachers, use to say she can do it but she just won't. Well, come to find out I can't unless I think about some things hard.
         Let's talk the most embrassing thing for me, the way I talk. The more I go to the dentist the more I think it is to the arrangement of my mouth and how God made me. I have been doing the clear retainers for a year now and I have to go back to real retainers for 4-6 months and then at nighttime. Now this is the first time for any of this. I had braces back in high school and retainers I didn't wear after that too. The dentist I'm going to now says I could do surgery on my teeth but it wouldn't help me much. I don't know if it was the way I was born or the car crash I had back in elementary school but I'm not normal. Who knows how long I have to wear those nightly retainers. I had the braces for about 5 years and after I took them off my teeth still moved back.
         Let's talk about my anxiety that I am just now taking care of for good. I don't know if it was something I was born with or developed over time mainly high school. That too has a lot to do with my stress and social life. I get worried and overthink everything to where it almost makes me sick. I started meds. back in high school but just didn't want to admit it so I stopped. Moved to AR and started on a short term med. but again I didn't want to admit it was it was only short term. Now I am on a med for long term for as long as I need it and it is helping me calm down and get things done instead of being a worrier. I just thought God could handle it all and if I give it over to Him it would be all gone. Don't get me wrong I still trust and pray that He will but a little help from med. can't hurt. People take med. for everything.
        Then I HATE and have a problem with math or anything to do with math and was in special ed. for that too with speech. I always will hate and be bad at it. Nothing can change that. I can't sit still at one job right now for long because I don't know what I want to do with my life. Thought I did in high school. Wanted to be an elementary teacher but God is showing me something else.
        People have tried to help me a long the way at home and in college and so forth. I'm just that kind of stubborn person that has to see it herself and these past going on 3 years I have. I'm sure there are other things wrong with me and I will find them down the road of life sometime. I just want to thank everyone, family and friends, that pushed me a lot on different things whether jobs, looks, sickness, or other things. I know I have people around me that really care about who I can be. It's kind of neat seeing my faults along with the children's and it is a whole new world out there. There could be something like a sickness or cure that is became new just these past 5 years that we didn't when I was a kid. It's a world and life of change every moment of everyday.

Going into my Third Year in AR

        "When I was just a girl, I thought I had it all figured out. See my life would turn out right and I would make it here somehow but things don't always come that easy and sometimes I would doubt."-From the song "Free to be Me"

           Who would have thought that I would have made it this long in AR? Who would have thought that I would even pick and like AR for a place to call home? Not me 3 years ago but thanks to some friends, I do call it my home now. Northwest AR is the place to be and since being here I have learned so much about life and just myself. There is no beautiful or peaceful place that I would rather be learning and living then here. It is funny how last night co-workers and I were talking about living in AR and people's ideas of it and my idea before I moved here to be honest but I kept thinking I'm only from MO but I have lived 3 years here and it is nothing like people think.
            I'm hoping to stay 5 years and that would even be a bigger step for me. I have lost friends and gain friends. I have lost jobs and gain jobs. I have lost myself but gain it back again. In all this, I have learned who I really am and it all goes back to the very start before I graduated college. Where to start is the question? I will start with my friends first. I love them all whether I keep in touch or not as often as I should but I will admit I haven't really kept the same group of friends for the 3 years. Maybe for the first 1 and a half but things started to change. It started to change I feel like because my job changed and that changed me where sometimes I feel like only certain people get me. I feel like I want to "work" with more of the challenging children whatever that might mean. God has given me a heart for the abused, negelted, and challenging children and He has shown me that this past year and a half.
             I went from being a preschool teacher to a "mom". I went from working days to working nights. Working nights, you have no friends just saying. Those to rolls are very different that is one thing I have learned this past year. This past year I have changed friends some and I feel like God brought us together for a reason and took others away for a reason. God wanted me to focus on Him and see what He could do in my heart and it has been a lot. Teacher to mom by self with people. I've had all of those expereinces. Worked the first 3 months being the only person there for the children and knowing how things ran. That helped me become more of a leader and I love it. I've had 3 really chellenging children but loved everyone of them plus more. My heart is starting to overwhamle with love for the children because I'm letting go of other things.
                I'm starting to understand what it is like to be a "mom" and to serve the Lord in who I really am. I will say that through this job God gave me some great people that I know I have things in common with and can talk to whenever. I'm starting to see where the Lord what's my life to go and it is not what I thought. It is not to be any kind of teacher but maybe a threapist of some sort. I love working one on one with the children. I also found out that I'm not all that "normal" myself. I never was and people will just have to like me for me or not at all. I grew up the way I did for a reason and I like it and thank God everyday for it. I might be a sweet but sassy, country girl but what more can you ask for, right?
                I've tried to make time for God every morning or night and just read and write His Words. I'm trying to find hobbies that I like. I still have a long way to go it feels like to find out why I act the way I do and how to level it out. I just can't wait to see what God has in store for me because I know if I let Him run the show it will be nothing that I ever thought of. It hasn't been since I have moved to AR. AR was a new place for me and it is bringing me new life. The person God made me to really be. That's one life goal done. I wanted to be a new person when I moved to a new place and without even thinking about it I have been these past two years.
                One big thing I forgot to say is that I did cut my hair really short and for those of you who know me really well. That is a goal in itself. I always said that I wanted to go on a adventure but like an old friend of mine use to say: "Life is not always perfect, but who would want that. If that was the case we would have boring lives."
                 God is 1st in my life and everything else comes after Him. I am free in Him. Free to do anything that He wants me to do. Nothing is holding me down. It is an adventure everyday because I try daily to seek Him in everything that I do. Said by me and I believe that and I hope I live that outwardly most of the time.

You Always Have Those Two

           I love all the children that I work with everyday and I know you are not suppose to have favorites but I do. Shhhhhhhhh! The children do not know that. It seems like my favorite ones are the more challenging ones. I know have had 3 very challenging ones and I loved them all. I think the reason is that I get to try things out and learn new things with them.  You can tell that you have really helped them in some way before they leave. I started out with one and just got done with one and now I have another one. I will tell you about 2 children though on here. One is the challenging one I have now and the other is just hard to get to sleep.
           My hard one is a child who will just sit and cry. He won't go play with the others unless I'm in the room or I lead him to it. He started out crying after supper because he had to leave his sister. He keeps talking about and asking for his sister and daddy. He keeps saying he wants to leave this place. He is one that will curse up a storm but not out of meanness. He has a smile on his face and everything. We just think it was the language at home. There is one thing that gets me about this child or maybe two. Those things are how sad he gets when he just sits and how he loves to play with sensory toys.
          It was so fun today because I saw him rub his cheek and forehead on play mats in our gross motor room. We have these little discs with different design on them and big ones just the same. Different texture. So here I am thinking it could be a sensory processing problem so I go get the discs to see if it is true. It was! He loved the smooth side on his cheek yet he loved the rough sides on his fit. He probably spent 10 mins. walking on the big discs. He also plays with a heavy sand ball that we have in the room and he loves to go bowling with it. He is another one that you just have to keep really busy and changing things up every so often. He cannot stay one one thing too long on he will start to cry.
         Then another little child, one of my girls, has a hard time going to bed. She will move her head side to side and cry and scream if she is not rocked. Well, tonight I tried a new method so she could learn to calm her body down herself. We have some 10 mins gel timers and I gave her one just to watch. She was quite watching it. It was neat to see after a little bit because then she would go from that to her stuffed animal to that just back and forth. She did fall asleep holding on to the timer though so our next step might be to take the timer when she is half asleep and replace it with her stuffed animal.
          See all this stuff I just learned in one day! It is so much fun when I put my mind to it and let go of everything else in my life. This is what I live for. To help those children that need help whether emotionally, physically, or behaviorally. Could be all three. I noticed with all my 3 challenging ones I've had the patience that I thought I would never have. You learn with all three because no child is the same at all. Some speak and some don't. Some cry or scream and some don't. Some knows how to eat and some don't. Some don't want to or don't know how to play with other children and some do. It is the experience that matters in the field of child care or whenever you are working with children.

Eyes are the Doorway to the Soul

        I know the title sounds cheesy but the more I work with abused children the more I think that saying is true. It give me a feeling like they saw something in me that they can trust. I see in their eyes the help that they need. You might be able to tell by their additudes or body movement or just listening or other things but for me the eyes mean so much. I didn't really think about it until these past 2 weeks.
        I would get down on their level if they were out of control and make connection with their eyes and say something sweet like "I love you" or "you are safe". What got me is when I took an elementary aged boy to the drs. I have the story on here 3 or 4 entries down but I had to make him look me in the eyes where he was getting his shots because he did not like them one bit. I felt something then but didn't think that anything would stick to that one boy especially since I don't see him everyday.
         Something stuck though. I don't know if it was being there for him through a hard time or what but he talks to me every time he sees me around. What got me thinking though was when he gave me a hug and said, "I love you" yesterday. It was a strange feeling but at the same time a sweet one. He said that he had a dentist appointment next week and he wants me to take him again. I told him, "I'll have to see what time it is." Sometimes with the children especially the older children it feels like a honor when you get pick to do something with them again by them because unlike the preschool age you know they either have a choice or can do it on their own.
           Eyes are the doorways to the soul. When a abused child can see that he can trust someone, he holds on for a lifetime and/or until he leaves again. I get the honor of doing that every night to my little preschoolers and I love it. They will either stare back at me and smiled or just stare back. When you have a gentle soul, they know it because they are children. Children, I still believe, have a strong sense of feeling/trust whether through the weather or other people. They know when to act up or when they are loved. That would be something fun to research why they know.
           The next time you are around a child I challenge you to take the time to look into their eyes and think how you feel when you look away. It will change your life for that moment or little by little. Just think isn't this true about every relationship and friendship if we can read their eyes, we are in good shape to understanding them somewhat. :)

My Little Cute Basketball Player

          I have come to the thought of trying to guess what my children will be and then write a little entry about them if it is easy to tell. This one will probably be the cutest of them all and you had to be there to see it but I'll try my best to explain it. I was in the gym with my children one day this past week. Yes, mine. I'm kind of obsessive over them. I have never seen a one month old baby if that ever follow an object as well as my little basketball player did.
           This won't be a long entry. Just one where I can remember the moment. I like to do that a lot. I was shooting baskets in the gym trying to keep my preschoolers entrained and that didn't work very well but the babies were in there with us. As I was shooting the baskets, it kept one of the babies very entertained. It was so cute to watch.
             The baby was sitting under the basket to the side of it and as I was shooting he would watch the ball go in the basket. He would also watch me dibble the ball. The ball went up so did his head and his eyes and it came down so did he. He sat there for about 10 mins. watching me shoot baskets. He also smiled while I was shooting them. There would be a little laugh every now and then. I was scared that the ball was going to hit him but it never did.
             That moment just made my day so much better. It was good because I worked a double that day so I needed a moment like that to brighten my 2nd shift. It surprised me too because usually a baby that young would not just sit there and watch a ball go in and out of the basket. They don't usually have those long of attention span but this baby did.
             He is and always will be my little basketball player. That is how I will remember him by and this moment. It was like I was playing with him but then again not because I was the one doing all the playing. He was just enjoying it. It is moments like those that I wonder what is going on inside a baby's mind. It would be interesting to know if anything. Why are they smiling just at a ball that is going up and down? I also spent time with him after I stopped, because I was getting tried, rolling the ball to him and he just smiled as big. He is going to play a sport with some kind of ball in it whether basketball, baseball, or football. That is his future.
               I love trying to guess and give HOPE to these children like this even if they don't understand like the babies it is still fun. It means the most when they are preschool age because you could start a dream in their hearts. Help them to look at the bright side of things too.

Do You Love Me?

         If I would pick one question that breaks my heart and never gets old at my job is the question, "Do you love me?" especially when it is asked by a preschool child I have had before. It was so cute and random. I could just take this little girl and her sister and have them live with me. I've had both on my wing and they are sweet and lovable. I never really thought about it while we were talking about it because it happened so fast but I did think about it on the way home and it broke my heart more.
         I wondered if that was God speaking to me through that little girl because I thought it is the same question He asked Peter before he went on the cross. Is God testing me to see if I'm really okay where I am in life right now? Is He challenging me more? How can you not take a child in after they ask you that question? It was her sister that I gave a Bible to and started reading it to. I can really explain that feeling but if you know me and where I work it just broke my heart to pieces.
          I am writing out those verses in John where Jesus asked Peter three times "do you love me?" and it is hard. I keep thinking what if I see them again or what is God makes another child ask me the same question. I will write out what those verses mean to be later but they talk about go and feed and care for Jesus' lambs and sheep. Isn't that what I'm doing? Does God what me to do more of it like actually be a foster parent?
         It also says that God will lead us where He wants us as we get older. Yes, we chose our way when we are young but as we grow we learn more about who He is and what life is like. I can tell you this job has taught me a lot whether through the children or even the staff at times. We are more willing to let Him lead us (lambs) as we learn to trust Him more every day. God might not take us where we want or expect Him to but He has us there for a reason. He is leading us by His Hands. We could have all our plans planned out at a very young age and then as we get older God might change those plans here and there.
         We also need to be careful that it is God leading us and not other people. We can be another person just to please another person especially us girls to get guys to like us but we don't need to do that. God will bring that right person into our lives and if we are blessed enough we will be asked again, "Do you love me?" and we can have a honest answer. People can take us by the hands without us knowing it and sometimes we might deny it and not see it but if they are we need to let them go because they are not good for us.
           The more I write about these verses in John the more I see that they can go into life in a different ways not just my job or my future but my relationships and friendships too.  This one question can happen in so many stages of life and in so many ways. We need to focus on God and love Him and then everything should come together maybe not easy because we are serving a tough loving God but with Him all things are possible for those who believe.
            I do this and I want to see if you can do it too. When you get ask that question if you ever do, really think about what it could mean to the person that is asking it in relationship with God apart and with that person. For me and where I work since I get ask it probably a lot, it is a good reminder for me to relay that question back to God, "Do I love you like I should?" "Is there more You want me to do?" "Am I just climbing aimlessly over these hills?"