What is God's Sovereignty?

         As I look back at least year around this time during the month of April, I have noticed that God has been teaching me a lot about just trusting and following Him. I look back at those entries from last year and they all have the titles like "God Puts Life in Order", "Come+Trust=Changed Life", "God's Love and Power on the Cross", "The Narrow Road", and on. Those are all entries about His Sovereignty but yet here I am a year later still trying to find out what that looks like in my life. More so then ever right now.
          Before I get started too deep into that, I just want to say that I'm sorry I haven't wrote in awhile. Things have been very busy for me. I got to help Compassion International at their booth at a Natalie Grant concert on Sunday night at a church near where I live. Then Monday, I went to my parent's house to get my new car and that is a whole other story of its own after this one. There there is always work that keeps me busy and other appointments for things.
           Things were so hard at the start of this week but yesterday when I spent time with a friend and got to talk to that friend just made my whole week better because now I know there is someone out there that will listen and likes to listen. Not only that but we have about the same things and thoughts in common. Just feels like she gets me. We did talk about what prayer really was, what God's sovereignty was, and His grace and way for us in our lives. We also talked about what our lives really mean to Him and how we should live it out for Him. I shared some things that has been going on in my life lately and things I've never told anyone else before and she seemed cool with it. Yes, we talked about career, past, future, how to treat ourselves in singleness and even guys but in a way that I needed to see all those things for myself.
             I have always been one of those girls who thought she was going to get married straight out of college or at the age of 25 and that hasn't happened yet but after the talk I'm glad it hasn't. Yes, I want someone beside later in life but not when I have no clue what to do with that person. We talked about how we can learn from our friends' marriages and that is way easier then going through it on own our. Talked about how God has lead us to where we are today because He wants something big to happen for us. God can put life changes and events in our lives in ways we never thought possible and He can change on mind one thing to the other. We talked about changes in jobs and how in the 20s that happens a lot.
           What really stood out to me while we were talking was the way my friend explained God's way of life and His Sovereignty. We are in God's Sovereignty everyday if we chose to be. It is not a main thing that happens over time for just one time. It happens everyday if we will let it and it happens in everything we do. If we give our day over to God everyday, then we are in His Sovereignty. Sovereignty is kind of like God's Will. By that, I mean we have to take on actions here on earth. God will give us little signs like some things people says, the right song at the right time, or the job before another job to help us better prepare for what is coming. God does prepare us for the entry to Heaven. He doesn't just leave us hanging out on the earth alone.
            There might be two great paths that we can take in life but which one is will lead to God's bigger picture for us. My friend puts it this way and it is from a movie she saw. Think about you being in New York City on the streets and all you can see is a few blocks down. Now think of God standing on top of a tall building and He can see for miles away and you can do if you are on top of that building. You see what is 10 blocks down that street instead of 2 blocks down when you are walking it. God just has the bigger picture in mind and if we can trust and follow Him then we will see that bigger picture too.
            To share a little of how my puzzle and little pieces go together, I think God is creating for me. Children have always been my passion and always will be. I thought I wanted to be a elementary teacher but I became a preschool teacher instead. Well, that wasn't going to well for me because my personality is the shy type so I moved on to where I work now and that is just taking care of children in a home like setting. I'm praying about the next step but I think God has me where He has me now because He wanted me to see that I like helping children one on one the best and that there is more children can learn then just in school. Children also needs therapy to learn how to do everyday things called OT. The job that I have now shows me what a difference therapists can do by doing the simplest things will children just one on one. Yet I can do the therapy in a school or by myself by going around to different places. When I look back on my past, I can see where God changed the path to save me from things I never saw during that time.
             There was also a year where I wanted to be a missionary so bad but I have learned my lesson through the job I have now. It is hard to see the children in the states living like they are with no excuses but laziness on their parents' part. I also have a hard time with taking care of myself because I care so much for these children. Would I even make it overseas as a missionary or would I be sick all the time? So I feel like God gave me the job I have now to make a big change while I can still handle myself at times. God does know what He is doing in our lives whether it seems like it at the time or not. It might seem crazy most of the time but I believe if you are following God with your heart and soul you will look back and see what God was doing back then. You will see it as an answer to prayer. I've seen it in jobs, future plans and dreams, and guy friends. There are some guys that I'm thankful I didn't end up marrying or became close friends with. I would not have done the things that I have done if I did like traveling and making a difference.
            My friend also pointed out spending money on yourself while still single and I really like that part. Buy those books, dishes, clothes, jewelry or anything you want now because when you get married you will have to spend it on your husband and children to mer their needs. Something I'm thinking about spending some of my money on right now is to sponsor 2 more children through Compassion International and travel those children's centers in their country. That is another way to make a different while I am single and free.
           I know, as girls and even some guys, just can't wait to get married and have that little dream come true especially for girls because we were meant for that caring and nurture side of life and what better way then to be married, right? For me right now and maybe some others out there, there are so many ways to get involved in children's lives as a single and you could touch more lives then just how ever many you dream of having. You can help at a children's shelter, sponsor a child through any program, Christian or non Christian, be around children at parks and stores and talk to them, and so on.
         Singleness is really a gift in life. That might be a cliche but now that I'm living it more and seeing other people live it and how they do. That gives me some ideas to live my own singleness out and it is just amazing to see. Yes, I had all these plans to get married but God has a bigger plan for me and it is a better one too. I never dreamed of the single life past 25 years of age but now that I'm there and seeing other women live it out too it is just amazing to know and see that I'm not the only one like that. I have other women beside me and even older that have never been married but lives a wonderful life for the Lord.
             

The Quiet Control Freak

         You might be thinking what person would come up with a title like the one above. Let me tell you what kind of person would. It would be a person like me. I'm not proud of it at all but I'm just now learning that I am that type of person and I'm asking God to get rid of that in me. You would think of a control freak of a loud, talkative person but we all have our own personalities. I think my control freak side comes from my need for everything to be prefect and if it wasn't I was stubborn enough to change it. I want it my way and only my way but being a Christian that is not possible at all and I'm learning and seeing things the hard way.
          I blame my high school for this habit for the most part. There is some family resemblance in this but to be safe let's blame my high school life because I have to live with my family. They know I'm kidding, right and they would agree but I'm thankful I was raised that way because I'm able to do things on my own when I want to and how I want to but I tend to go to that side way too much for everything.  It's part of being a hard worker too which that is how I have been raised and thankful for that too. There is a balance for control just like there is a balance for everything else in life.
          Anyways, back to high school. I blame my high school life because that is what life was like back then. I had to find a way to stick up for myself and to mean something to myself and the world around me. I had to look like I had everything under control even when I didn't. There were years where my life was just falling apart and I had the best of friends beside me willing to help because they understood what I was going through but yet I shoved them into a corner thinking "I got this" and "I can handle this on my own" but the truth is I couldn't and I barely made it through. Then there were times where those same friends would turn their back on me and tease me non stop so I had to show them I had control of my emotions and I would not cry or get mad until I got home after school. I didn't think about how much it would affect my adult life but it has a lot since I've been living by myself.
          The way I try to control things is trying to put my idea out there when it is not wanted or trying to be around when I'm not wanted. Trying to hold onto something or someone when it is time to let them go and live their life. I've just recently learned this through a old college friend and it has been hard but I know it will be good for me in the long run. I just hope and pray that I haven't lost that friend for good because of my own stupidity. I was trying to control that friend and make that friend everything to me. My focus was on the friend and off of God and that was my fault, not my friend's.  I was involved in so much when I should have just let it go even the things I didn't know anything about. I think I was trying to control this friend because my life is so confusing and in a mess right now. Nothing is staying the same. I have no routine anywhere in my life. Not at my job or in my personal life and I need that bad but it just seems hard to get. This example is one of the recent examples that I have had since being in AR.
          The other example happened about a year or more ago, maybe 2 years now. When I lost my 1st job here in AR, I was at a total lost. I didn't know what to do because losing a job never happened to me before. I didn't have control over anything that was happening for a month. I was going to interviews and then getting calls back about not getting the jobs. I wanted something that I could have control over and that was another friend. This friend was there for me through everything but yet I took everything for granted thinking "I need to have control of this friendship". Why I don't know? Again, that situation turned out bad. I had to step away from that friend for a half a year to a year and just recollect my thoughts. I also had to get use to my new job and where I was suppose to be in that job before I could do anything else. Now we are back to where we left off. Back to talking just a little bit and if we see each other we see each other if not then that is fine.
           There you have it. I am the quite, control freak. I admit it but with that said it isn't a good thing at all especially being a Christian. I should trust God enough to give Him everything in my life and let Him have the control, not me. Having and wanting control of your own life is a sin especially when it messes up other people's lives. It is not loving well when we are controlling people. We should love them the way they are and what they are doing. That is loving well. The title sounds scary and it sounds mean but I'm not that kind of person. Yes, I might be stubborn and want everything prefect and want control but I'm not mean. One thing is for sure though, I need to get rid of this control freak before I ever get and if I do get married because no guy wants a control freak for a wife. Maybe that is one of the million of reasons I'm not married yet. Guys, don't let that scare you away. I am trying to work on it because God has now made me aware of it and He is willing to work on it with me.
           One thing I ask for the people that are around me: if you see me starting to take control of a situation or friendship or whatever it might be, please tell me to stop it because I've messed so many things up when I kept on doing it.

Perfume A Tus Pies in English

Like Sweet Perfume at Your feet

Versions: #1#2

Verse:#1
As I reflect on YOUR great love, and Your faithfulness to me
All I want to do, is fall in worship on my knees
And when I think about who I was, and how lost I was without You
You're amazing to me

Chorus:

I don't want this to be it, not just a SAMPLE, I want more
I want to fall in love with You my Lord, teach me how to love You and adore
ACCORDING to Your justice and Your Truth, with my life I want to honor You
With everything I have and all I am, I offer You my dreams and all my plans
May my life be PLEASING before You, just like sweet perfume at Your feet.

Verse:#2
When I think about YOUR Cross, and the sacrifice You made
the blood You shed for me, It was there that You took my place
And when I think about who I am, and how safe I feel in Your hands
I want to know you more

Kneeling at Christ's Feet-Part 2

         I thought I wrote the first entry about this last month but I went back and looked and I wrote it in Feb. so sorry that it has took me 2 months to "update" you on how my kneeling is going. Like I said, I have been kneeling at Christ's Feet for my prayers every night. I'm one of those people, when I was a little girl, I didn't think that really mattered but just in the two months in my adult life that I have been doing it, "WOW!" That is the only word I can find to describe it. God has turned my world upside down in all different ways.
         God has, mostly, used my Spring Bible Study "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore to really break me free of some things that God didn't want me to hold on to or what me to go ahead and do or both. Things like starting to go to college again even though I have no idea what I want to do yet and "end" a friendship that I really didn't want to but it wasn't doing me any good. It was really holding me back and has been for awhile. Just finding a lot more comfort in who God really is and things to really pray about and think about instead of all the negative things especially after things have got so confusing right now. It is once again, God's Prefect Timing. It is also showing me that I can hear from the Holy Spirit and have discernment if I would just listen really carefully. All things that have happened, I heard before they happened but I was scared to do them earlier in the year and I could tell something was up.
          Yet, at the same time, I feel like God has rebuilt some old friendships and gave me some new ones along the way. People that can relate and actually really care for me and how I'm doing. I'm still in the process of trying to build that friendship circle and that accountability partner thing but I'm working on it. It is getting easier as the days go on.
          Then another Bible study that God has been using for me and is an answer to prayer is called "Soul Care". It is for women of any ages and it meets twice a month. It is all about the soul and what it really is and what God really does with it. I had no idea about the soul until I started going to this study and it is a very important and growing one too. It is based off the book called "Soul Keeping" by John Ortega. I have it but I haven't started to read it yet. Things have been so busy. I usually don't cry at these studies but this past Monday I did for some time. I had to go into the bathroom and hide for a few mins. because I had to just cry out. We were talking about how are we glorifying God and with everything going on in my life right now and not knowing the answer to that for the first time in my life, I just started to cry and couldn't stop. I still have no idea but I know people that will be right along side me to help me if needed.
            When I'm at Christ's feet, I just feel a comfort that like I can prayer for anything and He can hear me. Then for a few moments I just stay there and put my head on my bed and am just quite to enjoy that peace that I get, sadly, once a day. I wish I could explain more but really you have to live my life to see how it works because there are just no words to explain it all. God has also done a lot. Too much that I don't have time for writing it all down. There has been days and weeks where I have almost just gave up at work because things would get too out of control but God gave me His Strength to get through that day. There has been meetings and get togethers that I was just sacred of and worried about but God gave me peace before and after those things.
              I can just see God work more when I am on my knees talking to and with Him. My life has changed just in these past couple of months because of the posture I am while praying. I remember kneeling on my knees when I was a little girl but I did it for only like a week and I saw nothing so I gave up. That is why I challenged myself to do it for at least a month to see if change can happen and a lot of changes have happened. It is a for sure thing for me now until I get too old to bend down to the ground anymore. I might even do a Part 3 if you all are interesting in one because I know God is just starting on some things that will make a big difference in my life and help me grow closer to Him or I might just write it as something else on here. We'll see when the time comes.
              Here are some of my favorite songs about kneeling at Christ's Feet in prayer (just the words because I don't know how to do the other things:

               There are days when I feel
The best of me is ready to BEGIN.
Then therere days when I feel
I'm letting go and soaring on the wind.
Cause I've learned in laughter or in pain
How to survive.

I get on my knees, I get on my knees;
There I am before the love that changes me.
See I don't know how, but there's power
When I'm on my knees.
I can be in a crowd
Or by myself, in almost anywhere
When I feel there's a need
To talk with god; he is emmanuel.
When I close my eyes no darkness there,
There's only light.

On My Knees By: Jaci Velasquez

Perfume A Tus Pies

Cuando pienso en tu amor

y en tu fidelidad

no puedo hacer mas que postrarme
y adorar
y cuando pienso en como he sido
y hasta donde me has traido
me asombro de ti

No me quiero conformar
he probado y quiero mas

Yo quiero enamorarme mas de ti
enseñame a amarte y a vivir
conforme a tu justicia y tu verdad
con mi vida quiero adorar
todo lo que tengo y lo que soy
todo lo que he sido te lo doy
que mi vida sea para ti
como un perfume a tus pies

Cuando pienso en tu cruz
y en todo lo que has dado
tu sangre por mi
por borrar mi pecado
y cuando pienso en tu mano
hasta aqui hemos llegado
por tu fidelidad

No me quiero conformar
he probado y quiero mas

Yo quiero enamorarme mas de ti
enseñame a amarte y a vivir
conforme a tu justicia y tu verdad
con mi vida quiero adorar
todo lo que tengo y lo que soy
todo lo que he sido te lo doy
que mi vida sea para ti
como un perfume a tus pies

CHALLENGE: Kneel at Christ's feet for at least a month and then tell me if you can't see a difference in your life made by Him.

2015 CAC Glow Run for Children

        This entry is more of a memory for me because this Run was the first 5K that I did in the dark and it was actually fun. I actually ran it on Friday night (April 17th) but I'm just now getting the chance to write about it. I enjoyed every minute of it even though I was in pain afterwards and didn't get a very good time for me. I've had better times but it just shows that I am getting older and need to practice running every other day. I can't get out there and just do a 5K anymore. I was so out of shape during this one.
         It was a race for abused children. Something that is very close to my heart. The company that put it on was one that a friend of mine works for and I've heard a lot about at my job. The company even helps some of my children. You might be asking what is a Glow Run. I will tell you. It was a nightly event started about 5:00 in the evening. They had everything to children's run to the 5K. Just like any race event would have. They also had little game and food booths to do before and after you got done walking or racing. All that only cost $25 to get to run in the 5K and it goes lower if you just want to walk or do run a littler race like $20, $15, and maybe even $10 but don't take my word on that. It is called the Glow Run because it is at night and you get to dress up glowing from head to toe. You could wear anything from glow paint on skin and/or skirt to those glowing necklaces and bracelets that you can buy. A lot of people were dressed up in bright neon clothes too. It was all about raising awareness for abused children.
         The 5K race started at 7:45 pm and was the last race of the event. This 5K was probably the best 5K I have ran yet event wise not time wise. It started to get dark when the race started and it was really dark when it ended and that wasn't the best part about the race. Some people might think I have gone crazy but if you know me you would totally understand me. It did started to lighting before we started but the lighting was far away. It started to rain in the middle of the 5K. First, it started to sprinkle just a bit and then a normal coming down rain shower. Then just as I finished it started to pour down. It was amazing! All through the race I could see the lighting flash in front of me. It was pick and purplish color. To say the least, I was not hot at all during the race and it just felt so great.
          Of course, knowing me, my favorite time to run anytime is in the rain. It is just the coolest time to run and you don't have to worry about anything. I would get so excited when it would rain for a race in high school because it means I could only go faster in a way but I was in shape back then. I did have to stop some times to get breathing again but my time was pretty good for not running for a long time. I wasn't happy with it but it was good. It was 37:37, which means I ran 12:08/M.
         Like I said not my best but I was so out of shape. My best is usually a 29:40 to 32:00 depending on the kind of track being ran on. I can run a 10:00-11:00/M if I was in shape. My placement in each of the groups weren't bad either. I was about half and half in all of them. It did show me though that if I want to keep doing 5Ks in my 30s, I need to run every other day to get prepared for them. I'm getting to old to go and just run them without preparing if I want to keep my old time.
          I keep reminding myself though that it was for a good cause and I'm helping out some of my children that I work with everyday by running this 5K. I'm pretty sure this is a 5K that I will try to do every year from now on. It is different and for a very good cause. Next year I am going to go all out in the neon colored clothing. I did paint a white shirt with glow in the dark paint and wore those glow in the dark necklaces and bracelets but next year I'm going all out. To run for children, you have to dress like children. :) I encourage everyone to look into it and do it. Support abused children and the CAC of Benton County.

God's Week

         It has been a week for me this past week. God really knows how to show up when I need Him the most. Whether through friends, children at work, or my child overseas that I'm helping and praying for. I probably had 4 or 5 God signs that I could really point out. By that I mean, the timing was prefect and it was just want I needed to hear or see. I will tell you about each of them starting from the beginning of the week. I will admit I knew from the start of the week I was going to be to constant one at work because my co-worker took a vacation this week. I also had a lot of important things going on personally in my life.
         First sign was a video from a friend that I needed and my friend even posted it on the day that I needed it before I did the thing that I was nervous about doing and about how it was going to turn out. My friend's message was right on about how I have been feeling the past months or two about my future and I just needed an encouragement and a different perspective of things and the video did that for me. There was a saying at the end of the video that, I'll admit, I use through the rest of the week when things were hard. The video was all about temptations but yet my friend was where my friend was suppose to be and my friend felt that way too. It was contentment that made my friend feel that way.
          My friend mentioned that yet we go through different temptations God is still there leading us to where He wants us to be. My friend also talked about accountability and how important that was to take the path that God wants you to take. The saying that I said the rest of the week was: "This is alright. This is what I'm suppose to be doing." It was at the end of the video. I did write back and comment something that I needed to see wrote down too. That saying was, "God NEVER fails especially in His Timing." God knew what I needed at that moment and week.
          My friend posted that video on the day that I was going to a community college to meet with an advisor about taking classes at that community college. I saw it right before I went in the building for the meeting. During the meeting, I was calm, happy, and just felt at peace. I was confused more when I got out of it but at least I know more about the program I want to be in and I even went ahead and signed up for 1 or 2 classes for this Fall semester. After the video and that college meeting because that was the other part I was worried about, my week seemed to be more calm and relaxing then it started out to be.
           Second sign was a letter that I got in the mail from my "Compassion International" girl that I sponsor. I was thinking about my "little" girl before I got her letter in the mail because it was her 17th birthday on the 10th of this month. I was thinking about how I forgot to write her a birthday letter and that I should write her one this weekend. I was also thinking about how long I have sponsored her and how much she has changed since then. I started to sponsor her when she was 5 years old and I was around 17 years old myself so it is kind of neat to see what that means and how long I have been sponsoring her. She is the smartest girl ever! I got her letter on Tuesday of this week and it amazed me at what she wrote in it.
            In her country, they celebrate a month that is all about love called "Love Month" and I asked her how she celebrated it and what that whole month meant to her and she gave me a grown up answer. It was, "Love is to forgive someone who sinned against you." Then she challenged me by ask the question, "What do you think matters the most when it comes to love?" I'm still thinking about an answer to that question to where she can understand it at the age of 17 because that is a hard age for love. She also wrote, "If it comes to love, we feel in love for each other even when it hurts." There are only a few more things that I would like to write back to her but for the most part I think she got it. At least, she gets it better then I did at that age. I thought it was all about just having someone to be there for you no matter what that other person was like. You just wanted to have some fun and like your friends but now I defiantly know better, believe me. God has been working with that on me.
             I also asked her, in her last letter, "if she had a love life, how was it?" She wrote back, "I have no love life now days. I don't want to have a relationship until I graduated college." Again, here I was thinking at that age that "I wanted a relationship in college" but again now I see God had other life plans for me and I am loving those plans. It is just getting better and better. My plans of life are just growing so much. Her letter was a big encouragement especially after what I was thinking and was going on this past week.
             Third and last sign was the comment I left on my friend's video felt just like the right comment for both of us. My ideas and plans might be changing for the future. I just need to find out more about things and keep researching those things. For my friend, this weekend's plans changed. My friend was going to do one thing but now doing another. I know, and I don't want to speak for my friend so I won't, but God has something in better in store for me and hopefully my friend. It made me see how things and plans can change so fast when you put them into the Hands of God. Yeah, we can plan things but like a verse says in the Bible, "God really determines our steps" and might I add "on how we get to where He wants us." We can plan everything about our lives but then God can just turn everything upside down like we never thought of because He has that kind of power and He knows us that well.
           I hope you can see and understand some of the signs that I saw this week. They might be little but they were right on time. It is amazing what you can see when you have your eyes, thoughts, and heart focused on God all the time and giving everything to Him. I feel like this week as been a first for me in a long time where I just gave everything, not one or the other thing, over to Him and I got through every one of them still alive.

Who am I Accountable to?

          This past few days have been hard for me in my personal life and my job life. I just worried about things that were coming up and what they were going to be like. I kept asking myself, "Is this the path I really want to take?" and I still haven't decided just yet on which 2 paths I should take but I will say yesterday was one of my hardest days I had in awhile and God sent a friend to help me through whether that friend knows it or not. That friend put a video on their Facebook page and it was just showing what my friend was thinking about in life right now. My friend talked a lot about temptations and being accountable for certain people and things. The whole video just got me thinking a lot about my future too and even now to where I can get through the hard things that come my way.
         Let me talk about temptations first because I've had a lot of little ones the past few months. In the video, my friend talks about and mentions the big temptations like boy/girl relationships, drugs, violence, and other things. While those are the the main ones in people's lives and they are the ones we think about most but when I look at the temptations in my life it none of those but I've had a lot. I will say that I've had some crushes on boys in high school and off and on throughout life. That is just a typical girl thing but that is a temptation especially when we let that guy control our lives whether by being scared of him or just worry he might do something wrong. Some of my other temptations are: devilish thoughts instead of Christ like thoughts, job can be one if thinking about it too much, eating, sleeping, money, your looks, friends, and so on.
          Now some of you might be thinking what in the world does she mean by those temptations. Those really aren't temptations. Yes, they are. A temptations is anything that takes your life and focus off of God. It is when you depend on those things to make you feel better or to lead you in life. It could even be the easiest of things because you want to take the easy way out and not the hard way that God has planned for you. I know and will admit that sleeping and friends have took my time away from God because I rather not think about what He is telling or teaching me. I would rather not talk to Him about this thing but I would talk to a friend. There is a balance in between those things and you just have to find it.
            Now for the question: Who am I Accountable to? We all know that our 1st accountability partner should be God, Himself. We should go to Him for and with everything that is happening in our lives. We should ask Him the questions that are on our minds and the temptations we are having a hard time leaving. Everything goes through God first and we depend on Him to lead us to the person or friend that can give a God-like answer. Then God puts people in our lives to be accountable to us and for us to be accountable to them so He can get us/them on the path He has planned for us/them. It could be the same person and you both agree to do it back and forth or it could one person accountable for you and then you are accountable for another person. There are times where He won't lead us to people but to His Word, which is the most important tool of all. He will get us alone with Him and His Word and just lead us where we need to be and what we need to learn. I know I have spent a lot of time by myself with God. Sometimes to it could just be spending time with Him in prayer or even in His Creation alone.
            I will say I have very few friends that I'm accountable to or we just never expressed or talked about it. The people I am accountable for, I feel like, is my family, the children I work with, and like I said I have few friends too. It wasn't until I watched my friend's video that I thought this very thought and it is strange but true. I am accountable to my children at work at this moment in my life. I am the only one that can speak for them when they can't speak for themselves. I'm the one out of a few people that are always there for them. I make them behave but at the same time I love on them with everything I have. All my energy and strength and I'm not kidding. There are some days where I just want to come home and go to sleep and I do for a little bit.
              Isn't that Accountability and Love, though? Speak to and for them/Encourage, always be there no matter what, show them that I love them even if they make mistakes, and love them with everything I have. Those things could be for any person that you have a relationship/friendship with. That how humans run in life. We need encouragement, love, and someone to watch out for us.
                At the same time though, those children are holding me accountable maybe it is depending on the day or just all the time. If I wake up with my personal life just being a mess and so confusing, I go to work and I have to leave that behind so I can help the children. They also remind me of the simplest things sometimes whether the say it or act it out. They show me that God can change a person for the better and to never give up. They make me hold my patience in some days so I leant to have better patience with them and other people in my life. They are growing me into who I really am while I'm helping them to do the same thing. I feel like I can be a leader at my place of work or just anywhere where I work with children because they "help" me so much. It is strange to think about it that way but it is true.
               If anyone has children, you know what I'm talking about. It is almost like you have to be perfect and not lose your cool in front of them because they will say something or act out in some way. None of us are prefect so sometimes children remind us how to behave ourselves.  Also, if you know me, you know that is where my heart is and that children are my life's passion. It, honestly, hurts my heart to see or even hear some of the things I do. It is like once I get to know the child, then I'm accountable for them 100% so yes, I'm going to be their leader and tell you what I think they need if they can't speak.
                Anyways, this is just something that has been on my mind again for the past few days and I haven't wrote in awhile so I thought it was time to write again. "This is alright. This is what I'm suppose to be doing (until God shows me otherwise)."-saying by a friend of mine that rings true for me too but inside the parentheses are my words that I added. Talk about accountability. :)