What is Real Love?

-The Way of Love (1 Cor. 13:1-13)

-What is a spiritual person?
         -1 Cor. 4:18-19

-"We are called, as spiritual people, to grow in Love."

-Agapa Love-"a deep Love for the unworthy." 
         
-to behold-1 Cor. 13:11-12
           -Fully known and still Loved by God
           -Even the deepest, darkest secrets

-to become-Verse 13 (NASB)

-"Agapa love is impossible without God."


-"in enterity, hope and faith will go away but Love won't."


-I made a list of what I need to work on to really know that I love
  the people around me. These are the things that, for me, I need to
work on everyday and pray that God will give them to me.
           
            -I need patience everyday.
            -I need to stop being rude.
            -I need to stop getting so easily angered.
            -I need to trust the people around me but more importantly
                    God. He knows what is best for my life.
            -I need to stop self-seeking and start God-seeking.
            -I need to preserve through the hard things especially for the people
                     I do love. I might not want to at times but if it important to
                     them to get through it then I need to be there to support them
                     all the way.



-The Pursuit of Love (1 Cor. 14:1-25)

-"Gifts only operate properly in the context of Love."
           -1 Cor. 13

-"Pursue Love, build others up." 
            -Chapter 14

-Follow the way of Love.
-Chase after ____________(fill in the blank).
        -When you feel the blank in with what you truly do love, is it
           God or someone or something else in this world? Do you
           Love that thing or person more then God?
-"Love builds up."

-"Builds up" means to - comfort, encouraging, cheering, challenging, 
strengthening other people to their goals and dreams. 

-"The Message" Version of the Bible sort of puts Chapter 14 in those words.

-"The passionate pursuit of Love makes the edifying of others the motivation." 
           -Verse 40

-When you have to deal with prophecy, here are two things you need to know:
              -It has to be in agreement with God's Word and have 100%
               accucry.
              -It speaks to people and builds them up.
              -It also will strengthen the church if it is true prophecy.

-When dealing with prophecy:

             -Understanding is necessary for building up.
             -Indistinct sounds are confusing.
             -unintelligible sounds have no meaning (that is talking about the music).

-"If we are pursuing love, then our goal will be to build others up."

-"People are built up by hearing, understanding, and embracing the Word of God."

-"Love is Action." -(Romans 12:9-21)

Yes I Will-A Devo. From First5.org

YES I WILL 

LEAH DIPASCAL

DAY: 38 | PLAN: 1-2 SAMUEL

Today’s Reading: 2 Samuel 7
2 Samuel 7:11b-13 (NIV) “The LORD declares to you that the LORD himself will establish a house for you: When your days are over and you rest with your ancestors, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, your own flesh and blood, and I will establish his kingdom. He is the one who will build a house for my Name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever.” 

As we grow in our relationship with the Lord a natural progression should happen where we want to please God more and do things that honor Him. We can come up with all sorts of great ideas and programs to serve God and point others to Him. In today’s reading, we discover David had those same ideas.
David had come up with a really good plan. A plan that would honor and glorify God. A plan that included building a magnificent house, in the city of Jerusalem where the ark of the covenant would rest. 
But God declined David’s offer, because He had a much better plan. God’s plan would still include building a house, but He would be the builder (not David) and this house would not be constructed of earthly materials like cedar and stone. 
Instead, God would build David a house that would last forever. This “house” would be a royal dynasty that would eventually give birth to a royal offspring — the Messiah Jesus Christ who would reign forever and rule from the heavenly throne room of God. 
Although God said I won’t in allowing David to build the house he wanted, God said “I will” to David in much greater ways:
“I will make your name great, like the names of the greatest men on earth” (2 Samuel 7:9b).

“I will provide a place for my people Israel and will plant them so that they can have a home of their own and no longer be disturbed” (2 Samuel 7:10a).
“I will also give you rest from all your enemies” (2 Samuel 7:11b).
“I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, your own flesh and blood, and I will establish his kingdom” (2 Samuel 7:12b).

“I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever” (2 Samuel 7:13b).

“I will be his father, and he will be my son. When he does wrong, I will punish him with a rod wielded by men, with floggings inflicted by human hands. But my love will never be taken away from him” (2 Samuel 7:14-15a).
“Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; Your throne will be established forever”  (2 Samuel 7:16).

Look at all the ways God said I will to David’s life and legacy! God loved David and extended extravagant grace to him. God created David in His own image and had an amazing future in store for him and his offspring. God chose to say I won’t to David’s initial plan, but He said, I will to immeasurably more than David could ever ask, dream or imagine.

Maybe you too have a good plan tucked deep within your heart. You dream about it, pray about it and imagine it coming to fruition. It’s a plan you believe will honor and glorify God. But maybe for one reason or another your plan still hasn’t materialized like you thought it would.

Could it be that God is holding back from saying I will to the exact way you’ve pictured your plans coming to fruition because He has even greater I will plans in store for you?

God loves you. He pours out extravagant grace to you every single day. God created you in His own image. You are His beloved child and He has incredible plans in store for your future. God wants the very best for you and His vision for your life will always be immeasurably more than you could ever ask, dream or imagine.

Will you trust Him? Will you continue to seek after Him and love Him despite how things may appear in your life right now? Are you willing to believe wholeheartedly in His promises and exercise your faith as you wait on the fulfillment of His best for you?

Prayer: Lord, today I declare that I will surrender my plans for Your plans and trust that You will fulfill them in Your own perfect timing. Strengthen my faith, Lord, and renew my resolve to trust You even more. Help me to keep my eyes on You and lean into Your peaceful presence when life doesn’t go the way I’d planned. I lay it all down for You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

In The Pain-A Poem

In The Pain


     In the pain there are a lot of
things we don't see. We are so
caught up in that painful moment
we don't realize how great we can
learn from them. It is always good
when we look back at the pain and
see the lessons in them.

     In the pain people can see the hope
of whatever the pain is. The hope of
whatever the pain is. The hope at the
end of the tunnel. It is a light shining
brightly from the pain. It is scary
because no matter the season of your
life, there is always pain.

     In the pain of living single, you will
never to have the one to save you.
The hope from that is "The One"
saves and Loves you everyday. You
could be lonely every now and then
bu remember that the Lord is there.

In the pain of losing the ones you love,
it's hurt and they will be missed.
Sometimes we don't understand why they
are taken away from us. I know for me it
was to make me stronger and see life as a gift
everyday and not take it for granted like
most people do. We shouldn't let the ones we
truly love pass us by without saying the
truth and spending time with them. We
should fee confident in letting them go
even when it is hard to.

In the pain of not truly knowing who you
are, you start to doubt a lot of things. That
is good though. If you doubt it, then you
should look it up and learn what you think
about it for yourself. That makes you
stronger and more confident too.

In the pain of living with some unexpected
things or things that are hard to admit, you
should be thankful for those things. Those
things are the special things that make you,
you. God made you with those things for
a reason. You just have to learn how to use
them and listen to Him on how to use them
too.

In the pain there are a lot of things we don't
see. At the end, we become stronger and
more understanding. We become more like
Christ. Christ went through a lot of pain for 'us.
just turn your eyes on the cross. He carried that
pain all of His Life and he doubt God in the
garden, yet He still did what God wanted Him
to do. Why? Because He Loved and Cared for
us so much that He didn't want us to suffer the
pain.

Why are we suffering in it? Why are we sitting
in it everyday? God made His Son pay the sin
of us so we could live happily ever after in a
beautiful world that God made just for us to
enjoy and live in with the people that He
surrounded us to love for Him. Ever thought
of it that way?



Written By: Tiffney Wilson

Written On: April, 24th, 2017

Need You Now-A Story of Hope

          I just started reading the book by the singer, Plumb called "Need You Now" yesterday and I am on chapter 6 already out of 22 chapters. It is hard to put that book down. I am writing about it because it fits my life so perfectly. It is like I wrote the book but replaced some of the events because I didn't want to write about them. It is that close and heart touching to me. I wouldn't be surprised if I finish it by next Friday.
        I heard of the book from a college friend of mine and she even said it would be perfect for me to read. She was right! She read it first and loved it.
        The funny thing is that Plumb's real name is Tiffany too so that makes it even closer for me. I already love how she gave the verses that helped her through her anxiety. She also already said that she tried everything under the sky to help her calm her anxiety but it was only when she turned to God that things got better. She looked at her anxiety as a way of getting closer to God. The other thing that I found true with me too is that I remember having a great ealry childhood but I think it was Jr. high when things started to go downhill from there.
         I kind of want to rewrite the whole story just my story. It would be a good outline at least. The chapters are really short and you can get through them really fast. Yet the chapters are to the point and really meaningful. There was one chapter at the start that I really loved and had a good lesson in it. It was called "Joy is a Choice". I heard that phase before she explained it in a real life situation. It was mainly about you can have joy all the time but it is a choice in every situation.
           It also compared what happiness was, which was just a feeling, and it compared it to joy, which is something you have all the time if you chose to. I want to read all of the book and then write about it but then again I want to leave some of it blank so people will buy it. She also said in the joy chapter that hope and joy go together. You can't have joy if you don't have hope. She went on to explain that in another chapter too. It was just an eye opening for me because it was another new perspective for me to see.
           Sorry this entry is shorter then the others and if it doesn't make that much sense. I just don't want to write a book report but I wanted to remember a important lesson from the book.

"Joy is a choice but hope needs to be with it to be real."

Gotta Love......

         I say something a lot to reason with myself when things get hard. I find that I say this saying a lot about people too. The saying is, "Gotta Love......"(fill in the blank). I have said that a lot. That is probably one of my favorite sayings and I didn't see what I see now until the last time I said it. It really can mean something important.
         "Gotta Love......" means that you have to love whatever you put at the end.
Now I have to be careful with saying that since I have thought about it that way. Really, though, I don't throw it around that much. I say it when I mean it. I also say it after something crazy or silly someone did. I say it after those things to remind myself that no matter what I still gotta love them. I have to love them for who they truly are even if they are crazy.
          Now if I can only say "Gotta Love God" that would remind me of a lot of things. "Gotta Love God" can mean He loves me and that He cares for me too. It can mean and does mean that God has things under control for me and is guiding me to the best He has for me. It also does mean that He will never let me down. God will be there through the thick and thin.
           I need to really try and change the saying to God instead of where I have it now. I had great ideas when I started to write this but now those ideas are gone. It is true. You "gotta Love God" to get through life. I couldn't imagine my life without Him and without Loving Him. He is the only One I can run to when things go wrong and He will still love me when I really mess up. That is another reason and a really good reason to Love Him.
           "Gotta Love God" is a life saying and it will be my life saying. It will be the saying that I will live by for the rest of my life and I will pass it down to my children and so on. I also want the saying to match to the theme of my whole life. I want people to be able to say that my life shows that you gotta love God to live on this earth. That's my new goal!

I Purpose to Believe in......

Pain! 

          
        "I Purpose to Believe in.......Pain" is this month's focus and boy have I had a lot of it and all kind of it, you could ever think of. Yet, I focus on it for a good reason and in a good way. Pain can be hurtful and there was a moment in time this month that that is the kind of pain that I felt. With Easter this month and everything else going on in my life right now, I think God is teaching me about the good that can come out of any kind of Pain. It is funny because I didn't think about Easter at all when I was coming up with my word for the month to focus on. In fact, I just noticed now that those two went together and being the Easter month is why. That would has been on my mind a lot this past month. Sorry I am just now getting to write about it but I guess it is good that I write at the end of the month so I can tell you my experiences with the word I picked. 
         The whole phase for the month was "Believe in" and then I picked the word "pain". It all started at the start of the month because I remembered my grandma passing away this month. This was the 5th or 6th year since her passing. When I remembered that it seemed like everything went down form there but not as bad as in the middle of this month. Then I had a kind of pain where it hurt when I couldn't be trusted or felt like I had let others down. That is when one of my little boys broke a school window and I felt really bad about it. It took be a couple of days to get over that one and it just got fixed over this past weekend. Every time I saw the wood up where glass once was, I felt like it was my fault because I have been blamed for things like that in my past too. It just made me remember the pain that I felt back then and now.
        I have been on 2 different meds. this month for my anxiety. One med. just made me cry like I was doing before I started this whole adventure for my anxiety. I went to the drs. about that meds. and he gave me another kind of med. to try. That med. took a bad toll on me. It was the first meds. that I had really bad side affects with. 
        I was really dizzy for a long time like a week along with a lot of weakness in my body. I also kept tripping over myself, aka my feet, especially at the end of the day when I have been very sleepy. I was also so confused/. I got two events mixed up. One even was this week when I thought it was last week and that is when I just lost it. I went home from the event that didn't even start yet and cried really hard. I even wrote a scary entry on here but I am okay right now. During all of these hard times, I have realized a lot and in a strange way God taught me an important lesson. The lesson was "the more fake we are with people, the more we push people away". "We need to be real with them, if we want them to be real back to us". After the entry I wrote, a lot of people responded to me and was worried about me but I wouldn't have known that if I didn't write the entry. 
        We don't say the real things and how we real feel to the people we care about or know. God showed me that is how marriages break up and just how the world is falling apart these days. We lie to so many people that when they do find out the truth, they don't like it or us. This week I am still kind of feeling weakness in my body but praying that it will go away fast and soon. It doesn't feel good when you feel like you can't help anyone because you are so weak. 
       Then, of course, it being April and the month of Easter, there was a lot of talk about Christ dying on the cross for us and the resurrection of Him. I got a lot to share on that, that I might have to write another entry later on in the next few weeks. The sermon this past Saturday was on that once again but it was a good one if talking about Heaven and people you love passing can be good but it also gave me hope in a way with the things I was dealing with and still am. We talked about how we are working towards being like Christ but not yet there. We won't get there until Heaven comes down to earth. We will still have some of our humanly body but have some new things as well. I know that sounds strange but that is the best way I can explain it. 
        Another way to look at our life while getting it ready for heaven is like this: Seed to Tree form. The tree is in that little seed but it needs time to grow and change into what it was meant to be. There is a special connection of what was and what is. The preacher also told us to look at Christ's earthly body and His body after the resurrection. What was different about them? Same? It is like: Our new bodies prepare us for a new life with Christ. We are getting ready for that new life in Heaven while we are here on the earth now and we won't reach it until we get to Heaven. 
       This is what really helped me with some of the pain I was feeling and just gave me hope for a better life after: People don't just stop living. They live with the Lord and talk to Him. I know this might all sound confusing and strange in a way but it gave me hope in a way too. It gave me hope that if I am really messed up like I think I am and if I don't think every earthly thing that I want here on the earth, that's ok because I will get a better body and things in Heaven. The preacher also shared three truths with us that I thought were really interesting and gave me hope for the people in my life that have passed away already so in a way made me happy for life again too.
         The 3 truths were: Dead Believers are conscious and aware, they are with Christ, and they are still waiting for their ultimate hope, just like we are. It gave me comfort because now I know that when I ask God to say Hello or that I love and miss someone, I am not crazy because they are right there with Him waiting. The verses that the preacher taught all of this out of this past Saturday night was: 1 Cor. 15:35-57. 
          All this to say this: God has a plan for you and the pain that you go through. It is never a waste of your time or your life. Something good will always come out from it. Trust me, from a person who has had 4 loved ones pass away in her life and not really know what is going on with herself, it means a lot when I am saying all of this. There is always a connection to everything God does and will do in your life on this earth to now and then to enteral life. Pain is good if we just know how to give it over to God. Yes, it might be hard at that moment when things happen but when we look back at that certain pain, we know God did it for a reason. 
          That is why I Purpose to Believe in Pain! There is Hope at the end of all Pain, good and bad. 

Reverse Thinking

        I am sorry if I scared anyone, which I know I did, with my last real entry but it needed to be done. It might have been the meds. that I was on for my anxiety and I think I have gotten that taken care as of now but the weeks I was on the bed meds. and the entry and reactions that I got really made me think about something that this world doesn't have to offer. That is why I called this entry "reverse Thinking". People know me and they know that the entry was not me at all and I understand that. but what about if that entry was written from a non-Christian and maybe even disturbing person. Would we think to go her them like people helped me? I know it might be a strange comparison but if you really think about it, how true is it?
        As a world nowadays with the internet, people only put up happy things that are going on in their lives. We really don't know what is going on in their lives, do we? People use the internet to get lies and to live behind so people don't know the real them. I got a lot of comments and sayings that told me that it took courage to write what I wrote yet it wasn't bad. It was just different because you don't see those side of things on the internet. Everyone wants everyone to think they have happy lives when really we are all human and have sinned and messed up big time. If we think about it: that is why marriages are falling apart, children are being left behind, fights and bullying are breaking out more and more in the public schools and so on.
         People don't feel safe to talk out their problems or even write them out because they will feel like they will get judged or someone will do something to them and think differently about them and not in a good way. I did take the post down from my Facebook page the next morning but it is still on my blog because people need to see that there are people out there that feel that way even Christian people and especially Christian people. Just because we believe in Christ our lives are not easy at all. If you think about it, they are actually harder because we know right from wrong. We know what to do sometimes but yet we doubt a lot more and so on. We want to fit into the world but yet God tells us to do the opposite and that is really hard at some points in life like the ones I mention in my last entry. I am not going to be a person that puts on a show for everyone and a perfect one at that.
          To be honest, that meds. might not stuck with me for a long time because it was bad for me but I truly believe God had me try it to teach me this lesson right here and to open up my eyes more. He might be leading me down a path I never thought I would be going done. It is strange how little things and how short of a time those things can take to show us Christians something if we would just look and listen. I will be honest and I am using a friend here as an example and his show but in a good way. I have supported my friend's show from the very start. I've watched every show that has came out so far expect the last two. I am behind a bit. Sorry. My friend is all about getting the real life on hunting out there and he would keep saying that on his shows and just at random times.
          As an example of what I am learning but using what I know about my friend's show and maybe hunters out there or just people see this too. It happens on TV all the time too. There are these big hunting shows with only the biggest and best game and catches and shots. It can make the little hunters or the everyday average hunters, better way to put it, feel bad about themselves. My friend's show is not like the other big shows out there and it is getting bigger by the day too. It is an online show, which is great too. It is another thing online just like my entries that is trying to change some things and I can tell you it is happening for sure. It is for the average hunter and my friend shows everything on his shows. He shows his misses, his ways of doing things, his deer that he has shot whether big or small, the behind the video things, and even his family at times. He shows it all and he is a big advocate for the average hunter. If someone makes fun of hunters, he will be on their back in no time at all. He is an amazing, Godly man too but if you say anything about the average hunter, he will hunt you down and get you.
            The show is called "The Huntin' Grounds". He has a Facebook page and Youtube page plus website. The website is: www.thg-tv.com. Felt like I needed to give a shout out for him since I am talking about him and he doesn't know it. I never really understood what he meant by supporting the average hunter and getting word out there for that kind of hunter but know after this week I understand and I told him that too. I have a better understanding of why he does what he does. The whole world, no matter what it is, deer or way of life, looks at only the happy and good parts about it and that is all they see and it is our faults. We are all scared to be the real us out there for the world to see but wouldn't you think it would be easier for people if we don't just put pictures of or families and babies and weddings on Facebook but the hard things like the little house we live in now or the house when it is a mess or things like that more and more on the internet.
          At the same time, I feel the same way with the children I teach. I try to get to know the real them because that is the only real way I can help them. I will try to find out everything I need to know about them to help them. I will research through the night or wreak my brain to find something that will work for them if they need something different. I want the children to feel like they are able to come to me with anything that is bothering them and I will help them the best I can. If I can't, I am still there to comfort them. I have had teachers that wouldn't listen to my ideas and it took longer for things to get on the right track.
           I know this is all crazy and I'm not asking everyone to do it but I am just asking you to think about it in these ways. We all have our own different ways to put what our real lives are like out there to the world whether through a hunting show or through writing in a blog. The point comes down to the same thing. We live in such a fake world these days and it is all about stuff and high paying jobs that we don't see the real meaning or that we forget it. It is just getting faker by the day. Satan is trying to grab this world for him and sadly we are letting him take it one day at a time. One situation at a time. We are all liars if you really think about it. None of us are telling any truths. We say we are fine when we are not and that passes along to the other person because they are sacred to let their feelings show because you didn't take the time to either.
            Every time I think of this lesson marriage and families come to mind but then again that is my dream someday is to get married and have a family. It might not be the prefect one but I can start by letting people that I love know truly how I am feeling deep inside. I am one deep thinker so my future husband will have to be up with that but it is just one of the good things about me too. I think it is time for me to get off this soapbox now and go do some other things on this Sunday. Just remember to be real most of the time and things might not be easy but in the end they will be worth it.

Proverbs 3-The Message

Proverbs 3The Message (MSG)

Don’t Assume You Know It All

3 1-2 Good friend, don’t forget all I’ve taught you;
    take to heart my commands.
They’ll help you live a long, long time,
    a long life lived full and well.

3-4 Don’t lose your grip on Love and Loyalty.
    Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart.
Earn a reputation for living well
    in God’s eyes and the eyes of the people.

5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
    Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
    your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
    give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
    your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
    don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
    a father’s delight is behind all this.

The Very Tree of Life

13-18 You’re blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom,
    when you make friends with Madame Insight.
She’s worth far more than money in the bank;
    her friendship is better than a big salary.
Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth;
    nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her.
With one hand she gives long life,
    with the other she confers recognition.
Her manner is beautiful,
    her life wonderfully complete.
She’s the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her.
    Hold her tight—and be blessed!

19-20 With Lady Wisdom, God formed Earth;
    with Madame Insight, he raised Heaven.
They knew when to signal rivers and springs to the surface,
    and dew to descend from the night skies.

Fuck My Life Right Now

           I don't give a dam who read this and what is said to me about it but this is how I feel and I want everyone to fucking know it too. I'm funking sick of of hiding everything underneath me and try to be strong when I am not. I am funking sick of being the good and caring people when no one else sees what I am trying to do and do it back. I'm funking sick of my life and my anxiety. Nothing is working and I have tried different things for about 4 years and still not one makes me feel better. I'm sick of barely getting by on the money I have and having no fun because I don't make enough money. I'm sick of the apartment I have because the others around me are loud. I'm sick of not having a bathroom that works right. I'm sick of not having friends that I can trust and that I always have to try and get together with to find out what is going on in their lives. They don't know me anything and I find out at a wedding certain things happened to them. I don't care who fucking reads this. I'm fucking sick of being the strong one. Fucking sick of trying to do everything right in my life without the help around me.
             I'm sick of helping people when I don't get anything back for it. I'm sick of looking at pictures of weddings and babies. You know what that makes a person feels like when that is all they ever dreamed of and they are turning 30 and no where near there right now. I'm sick of people trying to tell me to pray about it or just listen to God and trust Him. I'm at where I am at know because of Him. I'm sick of waiting on Him to do something for me. I'm sick of gaining weight for no reason at all. I'm sick of people trying to tell me what to do and how to live my life. I just want some fucking answers that are true answers right now but I'm not getting any of them. I'm sick of working half time and not making enough money. I'm stick of trying to figure everything out on my own. I just want someone else to God Dam care for me in this point in my life. I want to be somewhere different right now.
           How much is this to ask? How much is it to ask to be there for a single friend if if you are married or have a boyfriend in your life? How much is it ask for some encouraging words if you are given some? Where is my support back when I have given support? I'm just dam sick of everything right now and I don't know what to do. Don't say it is my anxiety. Don't say I need God more in my life. I need tangible answers I can go to. I need tangible things I can do. I'm sick of my life. I have been strong for so long and I am sick of it. I know reading and writing this isn't a good idea and I might lose people because of it but if you are my true friends you will understand. I have no point in my life anymore I feel like. I've liutally tried everything and nothing is working for me. I can't even commitment to something to see if it will work. I can't even commitment to eating right m,much less anything else.
            I am becoming this fat women because of all of this stress and meds. I'm not that skinny girl anymore and what guy would want a fat women. None of my clothes fit and yet I have no money to go buy new ones. I'm not okay. If pain didn't hurt me so much___________________. I just want to give up nothing good is coming from anything I am doing right now and I have been trying to do good all my life. Everyone says I am sweet and kind but yet I have no one to help me when I need it. I have no one to talk to when things get bad. I have research on the ages where I can have kids and I only have 5 more years at the most to even try and I'm no where near to even having a guy in my life.
            I am done being sweet and quite and nice. That gets me no where. I'm not regretting writing them because I know there are other girls out there feeling this way but they are just too scared to say anything. This is what us girls around my age have to face today in this world and it is not fair or easy. I wish I had something glass that I didn't care so much about that I could just throw down and break that is how mad and upset I am at the world right now. While everyone else is on their high horse, what about the people that are trying their best to make it by themselves through life and just about ready to give up on everything. I can honestly say I hate living in Bentonville AR near Wal mart because of all the high business people around here. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.
          It is even getting to the point that I'm getting so confused on what day it is and what I should be doing on which day. It is hard trying to be healthy, work, support, shop, and other daily things by yourself. What is truly on my heart is not being answer and I don't see how it can be anytime soon. I've hit rock bottom and I need to be saved from that bottom.

A Broken Window- A Poem

A window is a
Faglie thing. It lets you
See things on the other side.
It will always make you appear
Happy and put together to
The world even when you are
Not. Windows are usually used
To see the pretty things on the
Outside. Sometime it is even
Double panned so it won't break
As easily.

We might not think about it
Much but the human heart
Is just like a window. Not just
The heart but the whole human
Being. We are so good at putting
On a face on the outside that we
Want everyone to see even when
We aren't feeling great. We don't
Often share what we are thinking
Or what is going on in our lives.
We just want to look like the world
We live in so we blend in by hiding.

We do that until someone breaks
Our window down. We feel strong
And able until someone finds out
Our weaknesses. Then we are
discovered and known. Those two
Things scares us to death. We don't
Want to be that broken window
Where people can see the true us.

It is better that we are broken and
Show the world that because it lets
Others know they don't have to be
Perfect either. When we show our
Broken side, after people have broken
Us down, it makes the world a more
Real place. It does hurt at first but the
More we get use to it and see what it
Does for other people, the more we
Like it. It might just hurt us for a little
Bit or it could scatter and hurt other
People too. We just have to be careful
On how we break windows.

Some might be meant to be broken
And some might not meant to be
Broken. Some might have been growing
Throughout the years that they became
Doubled panned so they are harder to break. 

People will try their best to break
Even the toughest ones and sometimes
They do it. The ones that have the double
Pane broken are usually the ones that
Are stronger and can get through
Anything.

A broken window or not. God is always
With us when we get hurt. He wants us
To be broken at times because that could

 be the best way to live for Him. It
Is when we have a testimony that we can
Be used and we get that by learning new
Things and getting through tougher ones.
God can use and fix a broken window for
The good that only He has planned for
The world.

You can try and cover it up with wood or 

other things. But somehow, God will still 

get through it and make it pretty. He will

take that wood out when He gets the new 

glass ready and put that new shiny glass

back in so you can be ready to shine the

Light for Him. That new window will be

working for God and not for man. 

Written By: Tiffney Wilson

Written On: April 19th, 2017

1 Cor. 14:26-40

Good Order in Worship

26 What then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each of youhas a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation.Everything must be done so that the church may be built up. 27 If anyone speaks in a tongue, two—or at the most three—should speak, one at a time, and someone must interpret. 28 If there is no interpreter, the speaker should keep quiet in the church and speak to himself and to God.

29 Two or three prophets should speak, and the others should weigh carefully what is said. 30 And if a revelation comes to someone who is sitting down, the first speaker should stop. 31 For you can all prophesy in turn so that everyone may be instructed and encouraged. 32 The spirits of prophets are subject to the control of prophets. 33 For God is not a God of disorder but of peace—as in all the congregations of the Lord’s people.

34 Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. 35 If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.

36 Or did the word of God originate with you? Or are you the only people it has reached?37 If anyone thinks they are a prophet or otherwise gifted by the Spirit, let them acknowledge that what I am writing to you is the Lord’s command. 38 But if anyone ignores this, they will themselves be ignored.[c]

³⁹ Therefore, my brothers and sisters, be eager to prophesy, and do not forbid speaking in tongues. 

⁴0 But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.

1 Corinthians 14:26-40The Message (MSG)

26-33 So here’s what I want you to do. When you gather for worship, each one of you be prepared with something that will be useful for all: Sing a hymn, teach a lesson, tell a story, lead a prayer, provide an insight. If prayers are offered in tongues, two or three’s the limit, and then only if someone is present who can interpret what you’re saying. Otherwise, keep it between God and yourself. And no more than two or three speakers at a meeting, with the rest of you listening and taking it to heart. Take your turn, no one person taking over. Then each speaker gets a chance to say something special from God, and you all learn from each other. If you choose to speak, you’re also responsible for how and when you speak. When we worship the right way, God doesn’t stir us up into confusion; he brings us into harmony. This goes for all the churches—no exceptions.

34-36 Wives must not disrupt worship, talking when they should be listening, asking questions that could more appropriately be asked of their husbands at home. God’s Book of the law guides our manners and customs here. Wives have no license to use the time of worship for unwarranted speaking. Do you—both women and men—imagine that you’re a sacred oracle determining what’s right and wrong? Do you think everything revolves around you?

37-38 If any one of you thinks God has something for you to say or has inspired you to do something, pay close attention to what I have written. This is the way the Master wants it. If you won’t play by these rules, God can’t use you. Sorry.

39-40 Three things, then, to sum this up: When you speak forth God’s truth, speak your heart out. Don’t tell people how they should or shouldn’t pray when they’re praying in tongues that you don’t understand. Be courteous and considerate in everything.

  

            I did both of the versions because I like some of the verses in the NIV and I like some of the other verses in "The Message". "The Message" to me clearly puts it but I like how verse 40 and some other verses are worded in the NIV version. You can also understand the three things more clearly in "The Message" version that Paul is trying to teach you. Those three things are: speak what is on your heart and speak it out, don't tell people how they should pray or live for God, and be orderly and considerate in all that you do. To me, also, it seems like "The Message" is a little more smart alike for me, which I like for some reason.