I Purpose to Believe in......

Pain! 

          
        "I Purpose to Believe in.......Pain" is this month's focus and boy have I had a lot of it and all kind of it, you could ever think of. Yet, I focus on it for a good reason and in a good way. Pain can be hurtful and there was a moment in time this month that that is the kind of pain that I felt. With Easter this month and everything else going on in my life right now, I think God is teaching me about the good that can come out of any kind of Pain. It is funny because I didn't think about Easter at all when I was coming up with my word for the month to focus on. In fact, I just noticed now that those two went together and being the Easter month is why. That would has been on my mind a lot this past month. Sorry I am just now getting to write about it but I guess it is good that I write at the end of the month so I can tell you my experiences with the word I picked. 
         The whole phase for the month was "Believe in" and then I picked the word "pain". It all started at the start of the month because I remembered my grandma passing away this month. This was the 5th or 6th year since her passing. When I remembered that it seemed like everything went down form there but not as bad as in the middle of this month. Then I had a kind of pain where it hurt when I couldn't be trusted or felt like I had let others down. That is when one of my little boys broke a school window and I felt really bad about it. It took be a couple of days to get over that one and it just got fixed over this past weekend. Every time I saw the wood up where glass once was, I felt like it was my fault because I have been blamed for things like that in my past too. It just made me remember the pain that I felt back then and now.
        I have been on 2 different meds. this month for my anxiety. One med. just made me cry like I was doing before I started this whole adventure for my anxiety. I went to the drs. about that meds. and he gave me another kind of med. to try. That med. took a bad toll on me. It was the first meds. that I had really bad side affects with. 
        I was really dizzy for a long time like a week along with a lot of weakness in my body. I also kept tripping over myself, aka my feet, especially at the end of the day when I have been very sleepy. I was also so confused/. I got two events mixed up. One even was this week when I thought it was last week and that is when I just lost it. I went home from the event that didn't even start yet and cried really hard. I even wrote a scary entry on here but I am okay right now. During all of these hard times, I have realized a lot and in a strange way God taught me an important lesson. The lesson was "the more fake we are with people, the more we push people away". "We need to be real with them, if we want them to be real back to us". After the entry I wrote, a lot of people responded to me and was worried about me but I wouldn't have known that if I didn't write the entry. 
        We don't say the real things and how we real feel to the people we care about or know. God showed me that is how marriages break up and just how the world is falling apart these days. We lie to so many people that when they do find out the truth, they don't like it or us. This week I am still kind of feeling weakness in my body but praying that it will go away fast and soon. It doesn't feel good when you feel like you can't help anyone because you are so weak. 
       Then, of course, it being April and the month of Easter, there was a lot of talk about Christ dying on the cross for us and the resurrection of Him. I got a lot to share on that, that I might have to write another entry later on in the next few weeks. The sermon this past Saturday was on that once again but it was a good one if talking about Heaven and people you love passing can be good but it also gave me hope in a way with the things I was dealing with and still am. We talked about how we are working towards being like Christ but not yet there. We won't get there until Heaven comes down to earth. We will still have some of our humanly body but have some new things as well. I know that sounds strange but that is the best way I can explain it. 
        Another way to look at our life while getting it ready for heaven is like this: Seed to Tree form. The tree is in that little seed but it needs time to grow and change into what it was meant to be. There is a special connection of what was and what is. The preacher also told us to look at Christ's earthly body and His body after the resurrection. What was different about them? Same? It is like: Our new bodies prepare us for a new life with Christ. We are getting ready for that new life in Heaven while we are here on the earth now and we won't reach it until we get to Heaven. 
       This is what really helped me with some of the pain I was feeling and just gave me hope for a better life after: People don't just stop living. They live with the Lord and talk to Him. I know this might all sound confusing and strange in a way but it gave me hope in a way too. It gave me hope that if I am really messed up like I think I am and if I don't think every earthly thing that I want here on the earth, that's ok because I will get a better body and things in Heaven. The preacher also shared three truths with us that I thought were really interesting and gave me hope for the people in my life that have passed away already so in a way made me happy for life again too.
         The 3 truths were: Dead Believers are conscious and aware, they are with Christ, and they are still waiting for their ultimate hope, just like we are. It gave me comfort because now I know that when I ask God to say Hello or that I love and miss someone, I am not crazy because they are right there with Him waiting. The verses that the preacher taught all of this out of this past Saturday night was: 1 Cor. 15:35-57. 
          All this to say this: God has a plan for you and the pain that you go through. It is never a waste of your time or your life. Something good will always come out from it. Trust me, from a person who has had 4 loved ones pass away in her life and not really know what is going on with herself, it means a lot when I am saying all of this. There is always a connection to everything God does and will do in your life on this earth to now and then to enteral life. Pain is good if we just know how to give it over to God. Yes, it might be hard at that moment when things happen but when we look back at that certain pain, we know God did it for a reason. 
          That is why I Purpose to Believe in Pain! There is Hope at the end of all Pain, good and bad.