If I had to pick one child at my job that has progressed the most it would be my "toddler in tiara" and this is since I have worked there but I know there is a lot more to come. This is the one that I will turely remember for the rest of my life. I remember her when she came in. She screamed or cry most of the time to get your attention and the very little she did talk, you could not understand. She had one leg that was bent inwards towards her other leg. She had a hard time eating and was very picky about her food. She was also skinny and looked like a baby at the age of 2. You would be amazed how all that changed in at least 3 months and a little longer when we had her.
As the 3 months went on, we helped her along in the ways we could. We took her to drs. appointment for her eating problems and she has had a lot of threapy done with her like OT and PT with us. She got braces for her one leg so that will face forwards and she can walk right. She loved to swing outside on the playground. That would be the only thing she would do outside. Because of everything my place of work did for her, she left sweeter then ever but still a little sassy. That sass is part of her and what makes her her. It is a cute kind of sassy for now. :) She was my sassy, little princess.
When she left, she was all smiles and very talkative all the time. Not screaming as often but using more words like more, push, counting to 3, and she could say some of her friends' names. She used "sign language" with both "more" and "push". She would also say "thank you". She could eat one bite at a time by herself. She was more adventurous with food and would at least try it by putting it in her mouth. She wouldn't go near a man when she first came in. She would have screamed instead but by the time she left she would play and smile at any man that walked in. It still took her time to get use to them but after she got over the shy part she would play and talk to them.
My favorite memory of my "toddler in tiara" will be how she always said "bye" and blew kisses afterwards and she would only do that if she was going on a car ride or to bed. I would have took her home in a heartbeat if I could have supported her on my own. If she can make this much progress so can some of the other children we get. It's stories like these that keeps me strong on the hardest of days because I know somehow either together or alone or both we are all working and making a difference in the children's lives.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Saturday, March 29, 2014
My 25th Year
"Ever wonder what it would be like to be distance from God for a year or more?" As I'm sitting outside during the beautiful Spring day, I think about what my 25th year was like (aka that was last year). I had a talk with God about it last night before I went to bed and it kept me up for at least a pretty good hour. Just crying and trying to understand where I have been and why did I stray from my 24th year since I was so blessed then and had things going for me. As girls and even humans, we think we have everything planned out and that we can tell God this is how we what it done and He will do it that way for us. Well, Last year is when everything hit me hard and changed. God completely turned everything in my life around or was working on it and during this year (my 26th) I'm grateful that He did.
I'm going to start from the very beginning of how things were during my 24th year. I had a lot of little moments that I will never forget. Lots of firsts. I had the greatest of friends. That was, of course, my first year to Guatemala and everything from then on after I got back changed. I swear everything started after that trip but for the better. I had a job that I thought I loved and would have forever. I had a wonderful small church group. Everything was going great until right before my 25th birthday and let's say in Oct. too. Oct. is really when it all started.
My grandad passed away before his birthday in Oct. and that just through me off. It was hard for me and I was probably mad at God because he took my grandad a year or two after he took my grandma. I thought I could get that situation because of course it isn't the first but then I lost my first job a couple of months later in December right before Christmas and my 25th birthday. Now just think I have all these great plans and things to do when I turn 25 and I don't have a job. That got me down big time. One of my dreams that I thought would always happen was that I would at least have a boyfriend by then too. I wanted to be married but that didn't happen but at least a boyfriend. That was another dream that was shot. Three dreams messed up when I turned 25.
I went into my 25th year the wrong way. I didn't have a job and I was hanging out a lot with friends because there was nothing else to do. I spent all of Jan. that way.My friends were very encouarging and they tried to be there for me and they were I just didn't noticed until now. I got the job I have now and I loved it but it was a hard start because in 3 months I went to 3 different spots within that job. It was first part time and then full-time. Taking are of the babies to preschool. This job has helped me grow my confidence back up since I ost my other job. I think during my 25th year I was trying to run things myself because I was mad at God and had low-self-esteem. How can someone so great (me) lose her job that she has done all her life? It took a lot of encouragement from friends and co-workers to show me it is the other job's lose not mine. I just gained a better job from it.
I think I was so focused on my career and trying to fit in and find time with my friends because me job times were new to me that I lost focus on God. I went to Gautemala that summer but it didn't feel the same. I also joined a morning bible study to keep me busy and it was one one "Loving the Nations" because I thought that what to know more about that. I was in situations and "fights" with friends that I didn't want to be in those things with espically towards the end of the year. It was fun but not for me. I don't think I had boundaries for myself because I was trying to make sense of who I was. A couple of my friends took the lead and said it like it was strainght forwards. I had cross their boundaries and I needed to step back a lot. My words, not theirs but I did need to. They were actully the first to step back because I was the dumb one and did nothing about it when I knew it was wrong. I heard about a book called "Boundaries" by a family member and brought that so I could start reading it by myself.
I started to read the book "Boundaries" by myself but it was too confusing so I stopped. I started to look for a women's bible study at church that I could go to one time per week in the mornings to keep me busy and it was a blessing from God but the church has a study on the book "Boundaries" so I've been taking that since Jan. too. I had another job change about Nov. or Dec. in the same spot but that was hard on me and I've been there ever since.
I look back at my 25th year during the start of my 26th year and in a way I'm right back where I started a year ago (24th year) but so much stronger I feel like. I'm back with the friends I was with and lovin' it. Lovin' my job, couldn't ask for a better one. It has taught me a lot about myself and me new built dream. I have a new dream. I don't want to just be a teacher anymore. I want to travel (aka got to Gautemala) and help the children there. That is my home. God has given me a new passion not just for children but for the abused and nagectled children. I know what it means now, too, to have boundaries in your life. God has been reshaping my life for him. His Ways are better then mine. I'm glad that I'm still single and not married because I can do so much more for Him. I'm still a work in progress but lovin' every min of it and I know I have God and friends to support me no matter what I go through. They will do what is best for me even when I don't think it is or when it is hard.
My 25th year wasn't the marriage or the boyfriend year like I thought it would be. God had a better plan for me during that year. It was the year of being more close to Him then I could ever think possible and He still countines to bring me close to Him everyday even in my 26th year and 27th, and 28th, and so on I'm sure of it because I know God has something great planned for me. Something that will change people's lives for Him. Something to bring Him Glory, not me. :) That''s my life changing story over the past 3 years. :)
I'm going to start from the very beginning of how things were during my 24th year. I had a lot of little moments that I will never forget. Lots of firsts. I had the greatest of friends. That was, of course, my first year to Guatemala and everything from then on after I got back changed. I swear everything started after that trip but for the better. I had a job that I thought I loved and would have forever. I had a wonderful small church group. Everything was going great until right before my 25th birthday and let's say in Oct. too. Oct. is really when it all started.
My grandad passed away before his birthday in Oct. and that just through me off. It was hard for me and I was probably mad at God because he took my grandad a year or two after he took my grandma. I thought I could get that situation because of course it isn't the first but then I lost my first job a couple of months later in December right before Christmas and my 25th birthday. Now just think I have all these great plans and things to do when I turn 25 and I don't have a job. That got me down big time. One of my dreams that I thought would always happen was that I would at least have a boyfriend by then too. I wanted to be married but that didn't happen but at least a boyfriend. That was another dream that was shot. Three dreams messed up when I turned 25.
I went into my 25th year the wrong way. I didn't have a job and I was hanging out a lot with friends because there was nothing else to do. I spent all of Jan. that way.My friends were very encouarging and they tried to be there for me and they were I just didn't noticed until now. I got the job I have now and I loved it but it was a hard start because in 3 months I went to 3 different spots within that job. It was first part time and then full-time. Taking are of the babies to preschool. This job has helped me grow my confidence back up since I ost my other job. I think during my 25th year I was trying to run things myself because I was mad at God and had low-self-esteem. How can someone so great (me) lose her job that she has done all her life? It took a lot of encouragement from friends and co-workers to show me it is the other job's lose not mine. I just gained a better job from it.
I think I was so focused on my career and trying to fit in and find time with my friends because me job times were new to me that I lost focus on God. I went to Gautemala that summer but it didn't feel the same. I also joined a morning bible study to keep me busy and it was one one "Loving the Nations" because I thought that what to know more about that. I was in situations and "fights" with friends that I didn't want to be in those things with espically towards the end of the year. It was fun but not for me. I don't think I had boundaries for myself because I was trying to make sense of who I was. A couple of my friends took the lead and said it like it was strainght forwards. I had cross their boundaries and I needed to step back a lot. My words, not theirs but I did need to. They were actully the first to step back because I was the dumb one and did nothing about it when I knew it was wrong. I heard about a book called "Boundaries" by a family member and brought that so I could start reading it by myself.
I started to read the book "Boundaries" by myself but it was too confusing so I stopped. I started to look for a women's bible study at church that I could go to one time per week in the mornings to keep me busy and it was a blessing from God but the church has a study on the book "Boundaries" so I've been taking that since Jan. too. I had another job change about Nov. or Dec. in the same spot but that was hard on me and I've been there ever since.
I look back at my 25th year during the start of my 26th year and in a way I'm right back where I started a year ago (24th year) but so much stronger I feel like. I'm back with the friends I was with and lovin' it. Lovin' my job, couldn't ask for a better one. It has taught me a lot about myself and me new built dream. I have a new dream. I don't want to just be a teacher anymore. I want to travel (aka got to Gautemala) and help the children there. That is my home. God has given me a new passion not just for children but for the abused and nagectled children. I know what it means now, too, to have boundaries in your life. God has been reshaping my life for him. His Ways are better then mine. I'm glad that I'm still single and not married because I can do so much more for Him. I'm still a work in progress but lovin' every min of it and I know I have God and friends to support me no matter what I go through. They will do what is best for me even when I don't think it is or when it is hard.
My 25th year wasn't the marriage or the boyfriend year like I thought it would be. God had a better plan for me during that year. It was the year of being more close to Him then I could ever think possible and He still countines to bring me close to Him everyday even in my 26th year and 27th, and 28th, and so on I'm sure of it because I know God has something great planned for me. Something that will change people's lives for Him. Something to bring Him Glory, not me. :) That''s my life changing story over the past 3 years. :)
Friday, March 28, 2014
God's Thoughts Vs. My Thoughts
"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the Lord. "And my Ways are far beyond what you can imagine. For just as the Heavens are higher then the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My Thoughts higher then your thoughts."-Isaiah 55:8-9
I was laying in bed last night and thinking about the way God is leading me. This verse came to my mind while I was laying there. I went to sleep with this verse being the last thing on my mind. It calmed me down for some reason. It was actually nice to fall asleep with a verse in mind. I was thinking about where I am in life now and where I was. God has brought be through a lot and to be honest I was not on His Path for a year it seems like. I was trying to do things my way and trying to make my dreams come true but there is no way I can do that because my dreams are too big for myself.
God's way have been hard and to be honest I have not want to walk His Way a lot of times. He is making walk it through. He has asked me, "Do you trust me in this?" I never thought it would be hard to walk the way God is putting me. Never thought I would walk this hard and care for the people I do. Not to sound bad but it's true. To get through something hard, it is something that I have to earn by God's wanting and timing. What I thought I wanted and/or needed was nothing that God had in mind at all. What I wanted it seemed like the easy way out and just a man or job that would be easy and that would give me everything I wanted in the world. Yeah, that's a dream that will never come true espically if I'm living for God.
God's thoughts are not easy at all because they are higher then ours. They are made by the One True God and He can make up more then we can ever imagine. We can't even wrap our minds around what He has planned for us because His Thoughts are that high and wonderful. We might have this idea or plan but God's is always better. We might think we can just be the helper all the time or have this man that says the sweetest things about us but that does not get us any closer to God. God wants us to strive for a relationship with Him through everything we do in life from our everyday living to the person we spend the rest of our lives with if we have one. God is not just going to give us a person who says the things we think we LIKE to hear but will say the things we NEED to hear. God is not going to give us a EASY job but a HARD one. He does that so we will have to rely and lean on Him. So we have to TRUST Him in everything.
God is going to give us things in our lives that we are going to need to Trust in Him to make it work. Our God is a jealous God. He only wants us to live our lives for Him whether single or married. If we trust Him enough to give us what we need, then we should be able to trust Him in anything espically in marriage. We need to depend on Him first because nothing can take the place of Him not even a guy. Women, just think of it this way-God Loves us more then anything on this earth. We are the apple of His Eye and He doesn't want us to get hurt. He knows us better and what we can do better then ourselves. We can take a job that is offered to us right away or we can step back and wait on something else that is really from Him.
It might sound like a great job going overseas and preaching the Good News or being in charge of a daycare or orphanage but that is only half of my dream not all of it. I might meet a guy that says the sweetest things about me but not what I need to hear. I will admit that I had to step back from something like that and really take a look at it to see if it was something from the Devil and you know what it was. There was some friends that I trusted that God put in my mind every time I talked to this person. I kept thinking you know what this is not what I need or want anymore. The other people know me and know what I need even if it is hard they have made me push towards God not away. I don't want to go preach to a group of older people, I want to go overseas and make a difference in children's lives. That's the passion God gave me.
For some reason I can't get that situation out of my mind lately and maybe it is because it is a situation where God was working in my life to make me see what I had before was perfect. Yeah, we will have hard times but that only gets us closer to who God made us to be. That makes us step out of our comfort zone and push towards greater things with God because now we know that is the only way it will work. No one can fill that hole in my heart where God was meant to be but they can sure strive me to get there and put God first in my life. God knows our Boundaries! We just have to listen to Him and follow Him to know them ourselves. God will tell us our boundaries if we will just listen and pay attention.
REMEMBER: GOD'S WAYS AND THOUGHTS ARE HIGHER THEN OUR WAYS AND THOUGHTS. NOTHING COULD BE BETTER THEN GOD'S WAY!
I was laying in bed last night and thinking about the way God is leading me. This verse came to my mind while I was laying there. I went to sleep with this verse being the last thing on my mind. It calmed me down for some reason. It was actually nice to fall asleep with a verse in mind. I was thinking about where I am in life now and where I was. God has brought be through a lot and to be honest I was not on His Path for a year it seems like. I was trying to do things my way and trying to make my dreams come true but there is no way I can do that because my dreams are too big for myself.
God's way have been hard and to be honest I have not want to walk His Way a lot of times. He is making walk it through. He has asked me, "Do you trust me in this?" I never thought it would be hard to walk the way God is putting me. Never thought I would walk this hard and care for the people I do. Not to sound bad but it's true. To get through something hard, it is something that I have to earn by God's wanting and timing. What I thought I wanted and/or needed was nothing that God had in mind at all. What I wanted it seemed like the easy way out and just a man or job that would be easy and that would give me everything I wanted in the world. Yeah, that's a dream that will never come true espically if I'm living for God.
God's thoughts are not easy at all because they are higher then ours. They are made by the One True God and He can make up more then we can ever imagine. We can't even wrap our minds around what He has planned for us because His Thoughts are that high and wonderful. We might have this idea or plan but God's is always better. We might think we can just be the helper all the time or have this man that says the sweetest things about us but that does not get us any closer to God. God wants us to strive for a relationship with Him through everything we do in life from our everyday living to the person we spend the rest of our lives with if we have one. God is not just going to give us a person who says the things we think we LIKE to hear but will say the things we NEED to hear. God is not going to give us a EASY job but a HARD one. He does that so we will have to rely and lean on Him. So we have to TRUST Him in everything.
God is going to give us things in our lives that we are going to need to Trust in Him to make it work. Our God is a jealous God. He only wants us to live our lives for Him whether single or married. If we trust Him enough to give us what we need, then we should be able to trust Him in anything espically in marriage. We need to depend on Him first because nothing can take the place of Him not even a guy. Women, just think of it this way-God Loves us more then anything on this earth. We are the apple of His Eye and He doesn't want us to get hurt. He knows us better and what we can do better then ourselves. We can take a job that is offered to us right away or we can step back and wait on something else that is really from Him.
It might sound like a great job going overseas and preaching the Good News or being in charge of a daycare or orphanage but that is only half of my dream not all of it. I might meet a guy that says the sweetest things about me but not what I need to hear. I will admit that I had to step back from something like that and really take a look at it to see if it was something from the Devil and you know what it was. There was some friends that I trusted that God put in my mind every time I talked to this person. I kept thinking you know what this is not what I need or want anymore. The other people know me and know what I need even if it is hard they have made me push towards God not away. I don't want to go preach to a group of older people, I want to go overseas and make a difference in children's lives. That's the passion God gave me.
For some reason I can't get that situation out of my mind lately and maybe it is because it is a situation where God was working in my life to make me see what I had before was perfect. Yeah, we will have hard times but that only gets us closer to who God made us to be. That makes us step out of our comfort zone and push towards greater things with God because now we know that is the only way it will work. No one can fill that hole in my heart where God was meant to be but they can sure strive me to get there and put God first in my life. God knows our Boundaries! We just have to listen to Him and follow Him to know them ourselves. God will tell us our boundaries if we will just listen and pay attention.
REMEMBER: GOD'S WAYS AND THOUGHTS ARE HIGHER THEN OUR WAYS AND THOUGHTS. NOTHING COULD BE BETTER THEN GOD'S WAY!
Monday, March 24, 2014
Open the Eyes of my Heart, Lord- Part 2
This is about how the Lord has opened more of my eyes two years almost down the road after June 2012. Since I have gotten back from Guatemala in 2012, I have lost my 1st job and got a new one that I love and have been learning a lot about my life through that job. My friends have been by me yet apart from me in a lot of ways. I've had some that stayed and others that went. I can tell you know that I had no idea that I would be where I am today back in June 2012 and I give that credit to God and the children of Guatemala. Guatemala is a place that will always be on my heart and I went back last summer in 2013 but not going this summer but that doesn't mean I don't love it just the same. I left half of my heart there so someday I will go back, Lord Willing.
A lot of things have changed and it would take me forever to explain a whole year's worth of things that happened so I won't. I will just give you the main ideas. With my new job that I have been with for a year and more now, God has put me sort of in the leadership position for awhile now. It's been hard but it has brought out a lot of who I can really be. I think God did that in a way so He could show me if need be I could run a children's shelter or orphanage someday or that is how I look at it to get through the hard days. I'm learning that I can be more outgoing and that I make mistakes too. I'm learning how to listening to other people's ideas and putting them into works so it makes my life easier but yet I'm still trying some ideas of my own.
God has also been showing me more about my friends within that year and how to be real with them and how they have been real with me. That they will stick by me no matter what. How I can trust them after my past of hurts. Not all people are the same. I've changed some in group settings but it's for the better. Lately it has been feeling like I'm going back to the friends I made the first year in Guatemala which is a fun feeling. A feeling that I really missed. Feeling like I'm starting over in some places.
That starting over could be because in a way I am with myself. I'm taking a Bible study class with older woman that is over the book "Boundaries" and that really has opened up my eyes to who God wants me to be and how I get that way. It is a great book for life lessons. As I'm studying that I can see through my life where I need to follow those boundaries and where to make some. I need to start making some and sticking with them but now I'm in the process of seeing where and who I can get help from for making me accountable for them. It is also teaching me how to be free in myself and how to let the people I'm around to be free without me controlling them.
Then there was a situation not too long ago that made me certain of who my friends were. Sounds funny but when the devil tests you are could they really be your friends. Are you really mad at them or yourself? They did mess up with you. It was not their spot to say that, here is another friend that will give you what you want. I say to the devil, "yeah it might be what I want but the other friends gave me what I needed and they like me for me even when I mess up." I would not stop talking to that friend about my other friends and I thought about those friends a lot when talking to this other friend.
Then there was this moment after all of this that I was turely at peace with everything again. I was happy just being around them and I missed that feeling. I have a feeling of I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me once I do set these boundaries and once I get my support group found. Why did I have to go through a year of doubt when everything was right in front of me after my first trip to Guatemala. I find myself thinking, "Dumbie" but sometimes we have to go through the storms to see that what we had before is what we were blessed with and we don't need anymore then that. Just a great job that makes and difference and friends to support that and then my dream and I have that. I've had that since I moved down here. I never want to take anything for granted again and if I do someone please wake me up. They have before and I'm sure they will do it again. :)
A lot of things have changed and it would take me forever to explain a whole year's worth of things that happened so I won't. I will just give you the main ideas. With my new job that I have been with for a year and more now, God has put me sort of in the leadership position for awhile now. It's been hard but it has brought out a lot of who I can really be. I think God did that in a way so He could show me if need be I could run a children's shelter or orphanage someday or that is how I look at it to get through the hard days. I'm learning that I can be more outgoing and that I make mistakes too. I'm learning how to listening to other people's ideas and putting them into works so it makes my life easier but yet I'm still trying some ideas of my own.
God has also been showing me more about my friends within that year and how to be real with them and how they have been real with me. That they will stick by me no matter what. How I can trust them after my past of hurts. Not all people are the same. I've changed some in group settings but it's for the better. Lately it has been feeling like I'm going back to the friends I made the first year in Guatemala which is a fun feeling. A feeling that I really missed. Feeling like I'm starting over in some places.
That starting over could be because in a way I am with myself. I'm taking a Bible study class with older woman that is over the book "Boundaries" and that really has opened up my eyes to who God wants me to be and how I get that way. It is a great book for life lessons. As I'm studying that I can see through my life where I need to follow those boundaries and where to make some. I need to start making some and sticking with them but now I'm in the process of seeing where and who I can get help from for making me accountable for them. It is also teaching me how to be free in myself and how to let the people I'm around to be free without me controlling them.
Then there was a situation not too long ago that made me certain of who my friends were. Sounds funny but when the devil tests you are could they really be your friends. Are you really mad at them or yourself? They did mess up with you. It was not their spot to say that, here is another friend that will give you what you want. I say to the devil, "yeah it might be what I want but the other friends gave me what I needed and they like me for me even when I mess up." I would not stop talking to that friend about my other friends and I thought about those friends a lot when talking to this other friend.
Then there was this moment after all of this that I was turely at peace with everything again. I was happy just being around them and I missed that feeling. I have a feeling of I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me once I do set these boundaries and once I get my support group found. Why did I have to go through a year of doubt when everything was right in front of me after my first trip to Guatemala. I find myself thinking, "Dumbie" but sometimes we have to go through the storms to see that what we had before is what we were blessed with and we don't need anymore then that. Just a great job that makes and difference and friends to support that and then my dream and I have that. I've had that since I moved down here. I never want to take anything for granted again and if I do someone please wake me up. They have before and I'm sure they will do it again. :)
Open the Eyes of my Heart, Lord- Part 1
This was written in June of 2012.
God has been showing me lately what the true meaning of "Open the Eyes of my Heart Lord" means or just to open up our eyes to see what is in front of us. My devo. hit me hard this morning and then a song came to mind.
God has been showing me lately what the true meaning of "Open the Eyes of my Heart Lord" means or just to open up our eyes to see what is in front of us. My devo. hit me hard this morning and then a song came to mind.
Quote from "Jesus Calling"-Sarah Young-" I AM nearer then you think, richly present in all your moments. Ask Me to open your eyes, so that you can find me everywhere. The more aware you are of My Presence, the safer you feel."
Song-"Open the eyes of my Heart, Lord. Open the eyes of my heart. I want to see you. I want to see you. To see you high and lifted up, shining in the Light of Your Glory, pour out your power and love."-Old song but so true! :)
Someone close to me told me that I needed to open my eyes on certain things before my trip to Guatemala because I was stressing out way too much and of course I didn't understand that. I was like my eyes are open and I want what I want but I was so wrong and the trip showed me that in so many ways. I come back from my trip and it is like God laid out a new path for me and blessed me a lot more then I could have thought He would. To me, now opening our eyes really means just opening our eyes and focusing more on God and other people. If we want to see God work in our lives then we have to be willing to open our eyes because really He is working just not the way we want it most of the time. I found out to that my prayers are a lot more praises and thank yous instead of all questions and that even deepens our relationship with the Lord. I don't ask for anything so I'm opened to whatever He wants for me. I've been busy too that I don't have time to think about other things, which can be good at times. I'm not for sure how the trip helped me get here and where God is taking me yet or will when my eyes are fully opened because I know I still have a ways to go but I can't wait to see the end because I have a feeling it's something I never thought of. Maybe too that is why He moved me down here to AR out of MO because it is a new area with new people and he can lead me to them. It is a great big world and there are so many things out that but when God leads you to the right ones you know and I feel like He has here in AR. Never thought it would be AR but it is. :) I'm a small town/ country girl and I wouldn't trade that for anything. My dream is to live in the country someday and that is one thing that won't change about me even if I have to wait until I'm 70. :) Living in a big city like Bentonville, AR is great to because it opens my small town country girl's eyes to a lot more then the little town had for me. It gave me chances for more jobs and get to know more people from different ages and different backgrounds, although most of them seem to be teachers or teacher's kids. Somehow, I haven't gotten away from that yet but I do like that part because that was my life too so I can understand and it is easier to get to know them so I'm not complaining at all. Also, living on my own helps me to get to learn more about me I didn't know and learn more about God and just do whatever I want whenever I want. It is a good feeling! Opening your eyes is something that you will fear but you need to have Trust in the God to do it. Yes, it will be about fearing the Lord some, but isn't that the best way to do life? As people of God, and espically teachers, we need to be praying that God truely opens our eyes because we could be missing something in a person's life (kid's life) that could be fixed by only us because God made it that way. In saying all of this, I'm just saying that God has really opened my eyes more this past year and I hope He countines too until I'm at where He wants me to be at. I hope this make some sense because it is one of those things I want to share but it is so big and I'm just learning that I really can't but if I have get it all firgured out I might write on here again.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Love, Trust, and Freedom
"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the Lord. "And my Ways are far beyond what you can imagine. For just as the Heavens are higher then the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My Thoughts higher then your thoughts."-Isaiah 55:8-9
"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth it shall not return tome empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord; an everlasting sign (of His Power and Love) that shall not be cut off.”-Isaiah 55:10-13
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:4-6
"He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”-Luke 10:27-28
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."-Gal. 5:1
" Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."-Phil. 4:6-8
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Phil. 4:13
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."-Proverbs 4:23
"He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”-Mark 4:39-40
"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth it shall not return tome empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord; an everlasting sign (of His Power and Love) that shall not be cut off.”-Isaiah 55:10-13
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."-Proverbs 3:4-6
"He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”-Luke 10:27-28
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."-Gal. 5:1
" Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."-Phil. 4:6-8
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Phil. 4:13
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."-Proverbs 4:23
"He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”-Mark 4:39-40
Nine verses on Love, Trust, and Freedom (even though they might not say, they show it in your life if you live it out) from a time hanging with friends for about 2 hours. One per night to pray. Doesn't happen a lot to me but it did this time and as I remember these verses then and the day after, I am truly at peace with everything that is going on. I'm not saying it is the easiest then I have been through because it's not but it will be worth it in the end. I'm still struggling and learning a lot and I hope my friends notice that but I'm happy that haven't given up on me just yet. I feel like I'm starting all over with them but maybe that is what I need. Look at these old verses turning into new meanings for me. It has been months since I have seen them or even hung out with them because I was struggling with something by myself and after time with them and putting the Bible study that I'm doing together I know what I need to change about me.
What I need to change is these 3 things. I need to love better, trust better, and have more freedom and let people have more people. Somehow I got so caught up in what I wanted and not want I needed in the past year and that can mess friendships up big time. I'm a worrier and I knew I made so many mistakes but knowing that I did nothing to my friends and they still liked me the same meant the world to me. They still treat me the same too. There were times where I noticed jealously was getting into my mind when hanging with them but then I felt the peace of God come in and say, "Just enjoy this time with them. At least, you are back hanging with them. That is a small step but yet a big step for you and we both know that."
It is s big step for me to go back to a person when they tell me what they think of me. I usually back off and never go back or I push them away on purpose but I'm praying that I don't here. I'm praying that I can see the signs clearer and make the right choices for the both of us. I feel like God is showing me that only to trust and love my friends but also to trust and love Him and give both the freedom to do what they were sent to do in my life.
I will be a little see though here because I know there has to be other girls feeling the same way that I do and did. In a way, I have noticed these past few months I have been emationally and verbaully abused by "friends" espically by guyfriends that wouldn't keep their words. Not as bad as most people and children but I think you could call it that. If not that, I have been bullied by my classmates all through school but mostly high school. I never knew what to expect because when I would trust in the guys in high school but then they would start going out with other girls and stopped talking to me when they did that or they would tease me alone and/or with their guyfriends. I was never bold enough to stand up and have boundaries for myself back then.
As much as I hate to admit it, I think that is what is keeping me from guyfriends now. I'm in a great state and surrounded by great guys but I'm having a hard time with myself. Letting myself in and knowing the time to do that and how. It makes since with the loving and trusting part espically when it comes to trusting a "guy" like God. I say I do but really do I? It's like if a person has problems with their father. Can they have problems with their Heavenly Father? Would I be here if I would just put my trust in Him and see what He could do in my life? No, I would be probably in Guatemala right now with my children. :) I feel like God is using certain people to show me that I can trust humans again but most importantly I need and can trust Him with my life.
It is a process that I'm going to have to get through and set my own boundaries and I can start now because just recently I've seen where I needed to start. It seems and sounds strange right now but I can't wait to see what God has in store for me as I Trust and Love Him more. I just hope my friends, whether girls or guys, will see the process I'm going through and not be scared of it but help me through it in some way whether it is giving me distance for some time or even advice. Prayers for me getting through this life changing process would be great! You could even pray these verses for me. Thanks.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
God in Nature-A Poem
God is everywhere that we
look in nature. Nature is His
way of showing us He loves
us. It is His Gift to us. Just
think of everything He gives
us in nature.
God gives is beautiful flowers
during the Spring. He dresses
each one of them in bright colors.
Give each one of then their own
different style of leaves and petals,
He gives us the trees. They have
their own shape of bark and leaves
too.
God gives us the sunrise and sunset
to mark our days. He paints a picture
in the sky for us every morning and
night with those. We have a reason to
wake up every morning even if it is just
to see that beautiful sunrise.
He has given us the beautiful white
snow to remind us that our sins are that
pure white when He looks at them. He
gives us the rain to calm things down on
this earth when it gets too crazy. The smell
of it is wonderful too. Sometimes even after
a rainstorm, He gives us a rainbow as a
reminder of His promises to us.
God also gives us thunderstorms. During
those thunderstorms we can curl up inside
with our family or sit on the front lawn
with them and watch the lighting show
that He is putting on for us.
God changes the color of the leaves every
Fall to let us know that seasons in our lives
changing but he never does. The color of Fall
leaves reminders us that even though our lives
could be changing it could be for the better.
It will come out brighter on the other side.
God uses the stars to look down on His people.
They are like little eyes or angels watching
down on us. God is everywhere in Nature.
We just have to take the time to look for Him there.
Are we taking that time to spend with Him
and His Creation?
Written On: March 22nd, 2014 while sitting outside in a park in Bentonville, AR.
look in nature. Nature is His
way of showing us He loves
us. It is His Gift to us. Just
think of everything He gives
us in nature.
God gives is beautiful flowers
during the Spring. He dresses
each one of them in bright colors.
Give each one of then their own
different style of leaves and petals,
He gives us the trees. They have
their own shape of bark and leaves
too.
God gives us the sunrise and sunset
to mark our days. He paints a picture
in the sky for us every morning and
night with those. We have a reason to
wake up every morning even if it is just
to see that beautiful sunrise.
He has given us the beautiful white
snow to remind us that our sins are that
pure white when He looks at them. He
gives us the rain to calm things down on
this earth when it gets too crazy. The smell
of it is wonderful too. Sometimes even after
a rainstorm, He gives us a rainbow as a
reminder of His promises to us.
God also gives us thunderstorms. During
those thunderstorms we can curl up inside
with our family or sit on the front lawn
with them and watch the lighting show
that He is putting on for us.
God changes the color of the leaves every
Fall to let us know that seasons in our lives
changing but he never does. The color of Fall
leaves reminders us that even though our lives
could be changing it could be for the better.
It will come out brighter on the other side.
God uses the stars to look down on His people.
They are like little eyes or angels watching
down on us. God is everywhere in Nature.
We just have to take the time to look for Him there.
Are we taking that time to spend with Him
and His Creation?
Written On: March 22nd, 2014 while sitting outside in a park in Bentonville, AR.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Engage with the Spirit
Engage with the Spirit
" I know I need the help of your Spirit, but I'm unsure how to engage His assistant."-Sarah Young
How to engage the Spirit's assistant for freedom:
-know condemnation feelings have no basis in reality
-delight yourself in God's approval
-focus on God's Presence to receive His Love
-experiencing God's Love
-ponder the truths of the Bible
-Fight the devil's lies with Biblical Truth
Verses to look at:
-John 10:10
-Romans 8:1-2
-Psalm 42:8
-John 8:44
Prayer:
Spirit-
Take control of my actions and thoughts today.
Let me live life to the fullest and show people how too.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
God Knows Your Story
I was going to try and wait and do another entery in two days because I have been writing so often it seems like but I have a lot going on in my mind and I just have to write it out and get it out somehow. This could be another girly entery so if you are a guy beware but it might help you get into a mind of a girl because I know I'm not the only girl that feels this way. We all feel this way one time or another.
As some of my latest enteries show, I'm been thinking about the true me and who I really am in God and only in Him and to no other person. As I shared with one of my friends this past weekend, I'm just in that stage of life where I'm so confused and trying to find out where I belong in life. It's crazy because my job that I have now is really teaching me a lot about myself. It is totally different from my life because I grew up in a great family that took great care of me compared to these children but God has put some children in my life now to see that not only in the sin way am I messed up but my story is not perfect either as a little child. I usually weren't share personal stuff on the web but I'm learning a lot from my life and I feel like it life lessons that other people can learn from too. God did not give me the life He did just to keep it in a box and this is the first way to get it out there.
I won't go into details about my two children too much right now that is another entery after I found out more about them but what I do know about them has so much to do with me and I won't go into much detail about me either because I don't want to spoil it for everyone. One child is partially deaf because of ear infections. He can only hear high pitched sounds. He screams and laughs because it is his way of communaition. He is only 4 years old. Then another child (infant) has a heart murmur. Those two children and me have a lot in common. I had all of those things when I was the same age. I can relate to this children and that means a lot to me. I have to have patience some days with them but still I can relate. I was messed up phsyically but all of that is healed now by the grace of God some would like to think.
Seeing those children like that and knowing I use to be like that makes me think about how messed up I am spiritually now after all God has done for me. I might be well phsyically but spiritually I'm messed up more then ever right now. I like to have control. I like to plan things my way and have them work out my way. I'm selfish at times and don't listen. I don't spend time with God has often as I should. I get mad easily and sometimes is unforgiving. "How can God forgive a person like that?" is my thought. More importantly, how can God love a person like that? I keep thinking, "would a guy like me if they know my whole true story of the person I was and am now?" Then I got to thinking, "I have a guy that already loves me better then any human guy can and that is God." He knows my story because He made me and He still loves me enough to die for me.
So often girls forget that simple but yet profound thought. GOD KNOWS YOUR STORY AND HE STILL LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO DIE FOR YOU. If a earthly guy can't see that, don't take the time, or get past your story then you don't need him. Yet us girls have to be willing in ways to be able to tell our story so they will know but yet there is a time and place for that too and we have to rely on God to show us that timing.
If you look up, "Tiffney", it means "appearance of God". If you look up my middle name, "Nicole", it means "Victory of the people". Do you think God meant something when He put those two names together in my parents' heads to name me that with all these problems? Not at all, I'm doing what I believe I'm suppose to be doing right now because of what I went through. My heart is set for the orphans whether here in the States or in Guatemala or another country. I don't know yet but I'm still following in God's footsteps. I'm still learning that I'm a sinner and will countine to learn that because it is not a one day thing it is an everyday thing. We mess up everyday but we have a God that loves us no matter what. It would be fun if I could share my whole life story on here about who I really was and am learning I am because it is two totally different things but I'm still learning and I want you to ask me to share it espically if we are friends because I need to learn to be able to tell it face to face. I know I can make a difference with it I just need the practice with my friends first.
As some of my latest enteries show, I'm been thinking about the true me and who I really am in God and only in Him and to no other person. As I shared with one of my friends this past weekend, I'm just in that stage of life where I'm so confused and trying to find out where I belong in life. It's crazy because my job that I have now is really teaching me a lot about myself. It is totally different from my life because I grew up in a great family that took great care of me compared to these children but God has put some children in my life now to see that not only in the sin way am I messed up but my story is not perfect either as a little child. I usually weren't share personal stuff on the web but I'm learning a lot from my life and I feel like it life lessons that other people can learn from too. God did not give me the life He did just to keep it in a box and this is the first way to get it out there.
I won't go into details about my two children too much right now that is another entery after I found out more about them but what I do know about them has so much to do with me and I won't go into much detail about me either because I don't want to spoil it for everyone. One child is partially deaf because of ear infections. He can only hear high pitched sounds. He screams and laughs because it is his way of communaition. He is only 4 years old. Then another child (infant) has a heart murmur. Those two children and me have a lot in common. I had all of those things when I was the same age. I can relate to this children and that means a lot to me. I have to have patience some days with them but still I can relate. I was messed up phsyically but all of that is healed now by the grace of God some would like to think.
Seeing those children like that and knowing I use to be like that makes me think about how messed up I am spiritually now after all God has done for me. I might be well phsyically but spiritually I'm messed up more then ever right now. I like to have control. I like to plan things my way and have them work out my way. I'm selfish at times and don't listen. I don't spend time with God has often as I should. I get mad easily and sometimes is unforgiving. "How can God forgive a person like that?" is my thought. More importantly, how can God love a person like that? I keep thinking, "would a guy like me if they know my whole true story of the person I was and am now?" Then I got to thinking, "I have a guy that already loves me better then any human guy can and that is God." He knows my story because He made me and He still loves me enough to die for me.
So often girls forget that simple but yet profound thought. GOD KNOWS YOUR STORY AND HE STILL LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO DIE FOR YOU. If a earthly guy can't see that, don't take the time, or get past your story then you don't need him. Yet us girls have to be willing in ways to be able to tell our story so they will know but yet there is a time and place for that too and we have to rely on God to show us that timing.
If you look up, "Tiffney", it means "appearance of God". If you look up my middle name, "Nicole", it means "Victory of the people". Do you think God meant something when He put those two names together in my parents' heads to name me that with all these problems? Not at all, I'm doing what I believe I'm suppose to be doing right now because of what I went through. My heart is set for the orphans whether here in the States or in Guatemala or another country. I don't know yet but I'm still following in God's footsteps. I'm still learning that I'm a sinner and will countine to learn that because it is not a one day thing it is an everyday thing. We mess up everyday but we have a God that loves us no matter what. It would be fun if I could share my whole life story on here about who I really was and am learning I am because it is two totally different things but I'm still learning and I want you to ask me to share it espically if we are friends because I need to learn to be able to tell it face to face. I know I can make a difference with it I just need the practice with my friends first.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Beauty From Ashes-A poem
Here is another one of my poems. I was going to save it til April but it fits all that I'm writing about right now in one way or the other. I thought I would put it on now and it has been awhile since I put a poem on here written by me.
Beauty From Ashes
Since the beginning
God created women from ashes.
We were made from Adam's rib but yet made in the image of god.
We have sins because we
Are human but Jesus took
Those ashes away when he
Died on the cross for us. We
Might not understand the pain
We have to go through as woman
But it's who we are.
The beauty is one of God's
Traits and He shows the
World it perfectly in us if we
Let Him. We might go through
Test after test but that's because
God is trying to beautify us for Him.
We might learn from the situations
He takes us through,
And be better in the next one
That's comes our way because
Everything comes in a circle.
When I say be better I meant
Handle it with a Godly heart.
"Beauty from ashes"
Is a phase I'll never forget
Because really as women
Of God that is all we are
About. We start out as ashes
On the ground but then God
Builds us up to be strong,
Beautiful women in Him,
With a compassionate heart
For people and things. I'm
Dinfantly a "Beauty from ashes".
What about you?
By: Tiffney Wilson-2012
Sunday, March 16, 2014
A Women's Job is Not to Control
"A Woman's job is not to control but to let the man be the leader of the family." We see that as true in the Garden of Eden. I was talking to a friend of mine about it and she opened up a whole to way for me to look at Adam and Eve as they took a bite of the apple. Recently, I have had a situation that was like that in a lot of ways. It has been lasting about a year but it really bothered me in the last 4 months. God was showing me these verses all week last week and while I was talking to my friend it all made sense. The verses come from 1 Timothy 2:8-15:
"In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy. And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do. Women should learn quietly and submissively. I do not let women teach men or have authority over them. Let them listen quietly. For God made Adam first, and afterward he made Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived by Satan. The woman was deceived, and sin was the result. But women will be saved through childbearing, assuming they continue to live in faith, love, holiness, and modesty."
These verses tells us, as men and women, what we should be doing and how we should be doing it. First step for man is that they need to pray with hold hands lifted up to God free from anger and controversy. In easier words, they need to be focusing on God and doing what He wants them to do and lead people the way God wants him to lead them. Men should not be mad or in a middle of a fight and if they are, in my situation lately, they should be the one that stands up and say this isn't right. Men are to seek after God and lead the way.
Second step is for the women and that is we need to be modest in our appearance. We should wear decent clothing and not draw attention to ourselves but to God. We should not wear gold or pearls or expensive clothing or fix our hair in some beautiful way and be focused on all of that. It's fun but that is not the main thing we need to do. We need to learn quietly and be submissive. We are not the teacher because God made the men to be the teachers and the leaders. We are just the followers. Yes, we can have say in our relationships but we can't be controlling and that is a big difference. Women need to listen quietly and do. Women need to good things out of their hearts to be noticed like serving God and His people. They need to be focused on doing good for the Lord and not for people. Then when the right man comes along he will love her for her heart the the outward appearance. Women need to have 1 Cor. 13 and the Fruit of the Spirit in their lives. They could be working on those things while waiting towards different people and in different settings because what woman doesn't want to find a Christian man with those same things in his life.
God made Adam first for a reason so he could be the leader of Eve. Then sin came into the world with the snake and the women was deceived thinking she had control and could know everything that God did. She control Adam by letting him have a bite of the apple and Adam was passive and said, "ok". Then that was the first sin or one of the first sins in the world. It was not how God had planned it. Because of that sin, women now has to suffer through childbearing but yet at the same time will be saved through that if they countinue to live in faith, love, holiness, and modesty.
I can't tell you my whole situation because I want to respect my friends but I'll tell you a little what that could look like here on earth. If a controlling woman likes a man and wants to spend time with that man then all she has to do is ask that man when he can spend time with her and if he wants to. As I found out, the man will more then likely say yes or sure and you both will for awhile. That might be because the man is being passive just like Adam was when she offered him the apple. Then there comes a time when the man's eyes are opened and things just doesn't seem right for him so he calls it to stop. I know he didn't do it to hurt me at all but he did it one for himself and two for me because I would never be learning what I am now if it wasn't for the situation. It might be just me but I respect a man that can see when things are getting close but he doesn't want them to so he stands up for himself. He takes the leadership spot that I know in my case that he can take. He is a leader in everything else. Why not this?
I will be completely honest, the man asked me to tell him what I did wrong and I thought that was the dumbest thing ever but looking at it through these lenses I needed that. His response to me after I told him what I did wrong was "that's right, Tiffney". I was Eve trying to control him and he does not deserve that at all and he stepped up. Something else I need to work on is not being so controlling. I knew I was controlling but after this lesson I see I am very controlling and I hate that. Just let God work through all my friendships with guys or girls or both. Just step back and let Him work in my life. I can say that this is the most important and hard way that I have learned a Bible lesson through a guyfriend of mine but it will be in my mind forever because hopefully it has changed me forever so God did use the situation and is still trying to get things back to normal if there is such a thing.
"In every place of worship, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy. And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do. Women should learn quietly and submissively. I do not let women teach men or have authority over them. Let them listen quietly. For God made Adam first, and afterward he made Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived by Satan. The woman was deceived, and sin was the result. But women will be saved through childbearing, assuming they continue to live in faith, love, holiness, and modesty."
These verses tells us, as men and women, what we should be doing and how we should be doing it. First step for man is that they need to pray with hold hands lifted up to God free from anger and controversy. In easier words, they need to be focusing on God and doing what He wants them to do and lead people the way God wants him to lead them. Men should not be mad or in a middle of a fight and if they are, in my situation lately, they should be the one that stands up and say this isn't right. Men are to seek after God and lead the way.
Second step is for the women and that is we need to be modest in our appearance. We should wear decent clothing and not draw attention to ourselves but to God. We should not wear gold or pearls or expensive clothing or fix our hair in some beautiful way and be focused on all of that. It's fun but that is not the main thing we need to do. We need to learn quietly and be submissive. We are not the teacher because God made the men to be the teachers and the leaders. We are just the followers. Yes, we can have say in our relationships but we can't be controlling and that is a big difference. Women need to listen quietly and do. Women need to good things out of their hearts to be noticed like serving God and His people. They need to be focused on doing good for the Lord and not for people. Then when the right man comes along he will love her for her heart the the outward appearance. Women need to have 1 Cor. 13 and the Fruit of the Spirit in their lives. They could be working on those things while waiting towards different people and in different settings because what woman doesn't want to find a Christian man with those same things in his life.
God made Adam first for a reason so he could be the leader of Eve. Then sin came into the world with the snake and the women was deceived thinking she had control and could know everything that God did. She control Adam by letting him have a bite of the apple and Adam was passive and said, "ok". Then that was the first sin or one of the first sins in the world. It was not how God had planned it. Because of that sin, women now has to suffer through childbearing but yet at the same time will be saved through that if they countinue to live in faith, love, holiness, and modesty.
I can't tell you my whole situation because I want to respect my friends but I'll tell you a little what that could look like here on earth. If a controlling woman likes a man and wants to spend time with that man then all she has to do is ask that man when he can spend time with her and if he wants to. As I found out, the man will more then likely say yes or sure and you both will for awhile. That might be because the man is being passive just like Adam was when she offered him the apple. Then there comes a time when the man's eyes are opened and things just doesn't seem right for him so he calls it to stop. I know he didn't do it to hurt me at all but he did it one for himself and two for me because I would never be learning what I am now if it wasn't for the situation. It might be just me but I respect a man that can see when things are getting close but he doesn't want them to so he stands up for himself. He takes the leadership spot that I know in my case that he can take. He is a leader in everything else. Why not this?
I will be completely honest, the man asked me to tell him what I did wrong and I thought that was the dumbest thing ever but looking at it through these lenses I needed that. His response to me after I told him what I did wrong was "that's right, Tiffney". I was Eve trying to control him and he does not deserve that at all and he stepped up. Something else I need to work on is not being so controlling. I knew I was controlling but after this lesson I see I am very controlling and I hate that. Just let God work through all my friendships with guys or girls or both. Just step back and let Him work in my life. I can say that this is the most important and hard way that I have learned a Bible lesson through a guyfriend of mine but it will be in my mind forever because hopefully it has changed me forever so God did use the situation and is still trying to get things back to normal if there is such a thing.
Prayer: "Daddy, please take away my controlling nature/sin. It is not good for myself or anyone around me. Then fill me up with Your Love for people and the Fruits of the Spirit. Please help me work on those instead of trying to control people. Controlling is Your job, not mine. You know what is best for everyone, even me and my friends." - In Jesus' Love, Amen
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Step Up=No Life
This past week has been hard and busy for me. I'm finding out a lot of things about myself that I didn't know or didn't want to noticed before now. If you ask what area of my life is being affected, I would say all areas. Future, friends, and career are all going to change I can just feel it but it bothers me that I don't know how or when. I feel like my life is out of control and that I can do nothing about it. I try to hold on but that makes things harder and more stressed.
I've noticed this week and this past month that I have been stepping up a lot at work lately because the children need me there or at least someone there for them and right now I am the only one there. I got a comment from someone that I have stepped up a lot lately and I'm thinking "Thanks but I hate it." I feel like I have no life right now and that is the worst feeling ever. I know most of you would say that the children are my life and family is too and that is great but there are things I'm missing a lot of right now.
Yes, I have stepped up at my job but that wears me out so fast that I don't have time to do other things. I take on too much too. It feels like I'm either working, eating, or sleeping. Most stay at home moms might say that it is no different then being a mom like that but that is what I want to aim for and how can I find a guy or hang with friends when I don't have the time now. I know this is not my lifetime job so I need to work towards something that will be or that I will feel will be. I've always wanted my own family. I've never been the workalic type of person but lately that is what I've been feeling like and I hate it.
I also have been in charge a lot lately and for you that know me that is not my main personality at all. I can be when I need to be like now. I can step up when I need to but I can't stay there forever or a long time. It just stresses me out too much. I get asked all these questions and I can't make the decisons right on the spot like I have been needing to do lately. I'm the caring and nuturing personality and that is why my job is stressing me out right now because I can't just care and play with the children I feel like I have to make every decison and tell other people what to do.
When I think about it this seems something silly to be mad over but really working in it with a million other people compared to just a few other people maybe like hundred seems a lot easier. Maybe that is what God is trying to get me ready for? Maybe God is trying to get me ready for a family situation and that I will be more appicative of that since I've worked where I have?
I just feel like my life is a mess now from my thoughts to my apartment because all I've been doing is working and sleeping. I have other things to write on here but I don't have time because of all of this busyness. I have verses from the Bible to process because I know God is trying to tell me something along with the things going on in my life right now but I can't sit and think about those. I feel like God is telling me to do one thing with these verses that He is giving me but I can't sit and really think if it is what He really wants or not. It is like that moment where the idea doesn't come to you until you start looking at The Word of God and everything seems to be lining up but yet you are too busy to realize and/or too scared to admit it. Honestly, for me I think it is a little bit of both. I keep myself busy because I don't want to realize it because then things will change once again.
I feel like I'm alone in this but I know I'm not. One of my little boys reminded me of something very important yesterday before he left and I really had to stop and think about it because of what was and is going on in my life. He said, "YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVE 3 DADDIES." I asked, "How do we have 3 daddies?" He answered. "BECAUSE GOD IS OUR FATHER." That Truth is so true when it comes to feelings like these. God knows what is best for us like our daddies do and He will take care of us and lead us where we need to go only if we will TRUST HIM. I had to stop and take it in and told myself in my mind, "Ok, Daddy if you want me to be happy help me to held what I'm going through right now and then provide me with things that I want to happen if it is Your Will for me." Don't get me wrong I still love my job but it is just a little stressful right now.
I've noticed this week and this past month that I have been stepping up a lot at work lately because the children need me there or at least someone there for them and right now I am the only one there. I got a comment from someone that I have stepped up a lot lately and I'm thinking "Thanks but I hate it." I feel like I have no life right now and that is the worst feeling ever. I know most of you would say that the children are my life and family is too and that is great but there are things I'm missing a lot of right now.
Yes, I have stepped up at my job but that wears me out so fast that I don't have time to do other things. I take on too much too. It feels like I'm either working, eating, or sleeping. Most stay at home moms might say that it is no different then being a mom like that but that is what I want to aim for and how can I find a guy or hang with friends when I don't have the time now. I know this is not my lifetime job so I need to work towards something that will be or that I will feel will be. I've always wanted my own family. I've never been the workalic type of person but lately that is what I've been feeling like and I hate it.
I also have been in charge a lot lately and for you that know me that is not my main personality at all. I can be when I need to be like now. I can step up when I need to but I can't stay there forever or a long time. It just stresses me out too much. I get asked all these questions and I can't make the decisons right on the spot like I have been needing to do lately. I'm the caring and nuturing personality and that is why my job is stressing me out right now because I can't just care and play with the children I feel like I have to make every decison and tell other people what to do.
When I think about it this seems something silly to be mad over but really working in it with a million other people compared to just a few other people maybe like hundred seems a lot easier. Maybe that is what God is trying to get me ready for? Maybe God is trying to get me ready for a family situation and that I will be more appicative of that since I've worked where I have?
I just feel like my life is a mess now from my thoughts to my apartment because all I've been doing is working and sleeping. I have other things to write on here but I don't have time because of all of this busyness. I have verses from the Bible to process because I know God is trying to tell me something along with the things going on in my life right now but I can't sit and think about those. I feel like God is telling me to do one thing with these verses that He is giving me but I can't sit and really think if it is what He really wants or not. It is like that moment where the idea doesn't come to you until you start looking at The Word of God and everything seems to be lining up but yet you are too busy to realize and/or too scared to admit it. Honestly, for me I think it is a little bit of both. I keep myself busy because I don't want to realize it because then things will change once again.
I feel like I'm alone in this but I know I'm not. One of my little boys reminded me of something very important yesterday before he left and I really had to stop and think about it because of what was and is going on in my life. He said, "YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVE 3 DADDIES." I asked, "How do we have 3 daddies?" He answered. "BECAUSE GOD IS OUR FATHER." That Truth is so true when it comes to feelings like these. God knows what is best for us like our daddies do and He will take care of us and lead us where we need to go only if we will TRUST HIM. I had to stop and take it in and told myself in my mind, "Ok, Daddy if you want me to be happy help me to held what I'm going through right now and then provide me with things that I want to happen if it is Your Will for me." Don't get me wrong I still love my job but it is just a little stressful right now.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
My Shepherd, The Lord
My Shepherd, the Lord
I was reading my devo. this morning and it was about how the Lord is our Shepherd and how He tenderly leads us step by step in our lives whether we see it or not. It just got to me and got me looking at Psalm 23 in a whole new way.
First I made up an equation-tenderly=step by step.
"My Shepherd is leading me tenderly step by step in my life." You might ask, "How?" The answers are in Psalms 23.
-rest
-leads me with peace
-renews my strength
-guides me
-close beside me
-protects and comforts me
-rid/help me handle my enemies
-overflowing with blessings
-goodness and unfailing Love for me
-live in the house of the Lord.
Do we need any other reasons to not Trust Him today?
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
God's Creation is a Great Way to Learn
The weather has been crazy where I live here in AR but it has been warm and beautiful for the past 2 days. I can't wait for Spring and Summer to come. So excited! Just praying for no more snow this month. :) Beautiful days are such a great reminder of God's Creation and what He can do through it. There are a lot of things God can do with His Creation and I'm not just talking about different designs of clouds and sunsets. I'm talking about personally to people and children.
I'm a big believer in getting the children outdoors in anyway you can whether it be walking down the street or in woods to hunting or camping. Most people that know me a little wouldn't think I grew up in the outdoors but if you get to know me more and more hopefully you would see that I did grow up in the outdoors. For me, I love outdoor time (aka recess) at work because the children get their energy out but at the same time they seem to be a lot calmer afterwards.
Growing up in the outdoors was so much fun! I would take walks in the woods, swim in a pond, play in the mud puddles and swing set in my backyard, and camp and fish out in the mountains (aka Rocky Mountains, not these Ozark Mountains, big difference :) ) every summer with my family. I would also help with the garden every Spring. I would grow my own little Sunflower house in the corner of the garden. Never really was tall enough to be a house but it was fun to watch grow.
I grew up on a farm for the first 4 years of my life in SW Missouri gathering eggs and trying to milk the cows. I would ride in a truck to help deliver the milk and eggs to other people. Then every summer after that for a week until my high school years. I was dumb enough to let that part of my life go and I never should have. That is where I would swim in the pond was on that farm. Yes, I'm a country girl at heart. I was blessed to have parents that loved the outdoors whether it was to go fishing or just to see and listen to the birds while walking outside.
I was in FFA all four years of high school and we were in the green house most of the time. Didn't do a project because I didn't live where I could do a project or so I thought but now that I look back on it I could have done something.
God makes all the beautiful things that we enjoy like the sunsets and flowers and yes even the snow. Have you ever thought about what it does on the inside for a person? Have you ever thought how calm you are if you are outside more? How spiritually close do you feel to God more then anywhere else? You are around His Wonders every time you are outside. How can you not see that? You and children can learn a lot about life outside. You can learn the stages of life, how to have good self-esteem, how to handle different situations, and even how to care for yourself and others. Whether you look at animals or plants or just the different things you can do outside, you can learn a lot about your life and how it is made. To me, it would be the easiest way to teach children about life.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY: "God made the outdoors for us to live in at first going way back to Adam and Eve but they sinned so they had to be casted out of the garden to live in a house." If you look at it that way, does it make outdoors look totally different to you?
I'm a big believer in getting the children outdoors in anyway you can whether it be walking down the street or in woods to hunting or camping. Most people that know me a little wouldn't think I grew up in the outdoors but if you get to know me more and more hopefully you would see that I did grow up in the outdoors. For me, I love outdoor time (aka recess) at work because the children get their energy out but at the same time they seem to be a lot calmer afterwards.
Growing up in the outdoors was so much fun! I would take walks in the woods, swim in a pond, play in the mud puddles and swing set in my backyard, and camp and fish out in the mountains (aka Rocky Mountains, not these Ozark Mountains, big difference :) ) every summer with my family. I would also help with the garden every Spring. I would grow my own little Sunflower house in the corner of the garden. Never really was tall enough to be a house but it was fun to watch grow.
I grew up on a farm for the first 4 years of my life in SW Missouri gathering eggs and trying to milk the cows. I would ride in a truck to help deliver the milk and eggs to other people. Then every summer after that for a week until my high school years. I was dumb enough to let that part of my life go and I never should have. That is where I would swim in the pond was on that farm. Yes, I'm a country girl at heart. I was blessed to have parents that loved the outdoors whether it was to go fishing or just to see and listen to the birds while walking outside.
I was in FFA all four years of high school and we were in the green house most of the time. Didn't do a project because I didn't live where I could do a project or so I thought but now that I look back on it I could have done something.
God makes all the beautiful things that we enjoy like the sunsets and flowers and yes even the snow. Have you ever thought about what it does on the inside for a person? Have you ever thought how calm you are if you are outside more? How spiritually close do you feel to God more then anywhere else? You are around His Wonders every time you are outside. How can you not see that? You and children can learn a lot about life outside. You can learn the stages of life, how to have good self-esteem, how to handle different situations, and even how to care for yourself and others. Whether you look at animals or plants or just the different things you can do outside, you can learn a lot about your life and how it is made. To me, it would be the easiest way to teach children about life.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY: "God made the outdoors for us to live in at first going way back to Adam and Eve but they sinned so they had to be casted out of the garden to live in a house." If you look at it that way, does it make outdoors look totally different to you?
Sunday, March 9, 2014
The Steps of Ministry
The Lord’s Grace to Paul
12 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. 13 Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. 14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.
The Charge to Timothy Renewed
18 Timothy, my son, I am giving you this command in keeping with the prophecies once made about you,so that by recalling them you may fight the battle well, 19 holding on to faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and so have suffered shipwreck with regard to the faith. 20 Among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme.
-1 Timothy 1:12-20
These verses are want the preacher went over at my parents' church this morning and I thought they had a lot of good points in them to remember. The verses tells us how to be serving the Lord and what will happen if we do and if we don't. The preacher really pushed serving and encouraging with these verses this morning. Here is what I put in my notes from the sermon and what I got from it. It is verse by verse type of thing.
-Verse 12-God enabled us so we need to be thankful. God puts us in a ministry by the passions that He gives us. We should be faithful in serving God with that passion.
-Verse 13-God saved Paul from his sins and Paul gives God all the glory for the ministry/work he does because he knew it was given to him by God. Paul share his testimony/story in this verse and chapter.
-Verse 14-This verse gives the meaning of Grace with three words, "poured out abundantly".
-Verse 15-This verse should be the focus of everything. It should be the way we live on lives. We are sinners and Jesus died for us to be saved by Him.
- Verse 16-It tells us that we need to have patience with "sinners" like God had patience with us and Paul. That means even the worst sinners and I will admit that is hard for me because I think about what the parents are doing with the children and why we have them at my job and I ask "why?" The answer is: "we are all sinners of the flesh." Christians need to be helping instead of asking why.
- Verse 17-We need to and can Honor God by spending Time with Him.
-Verse 18-This verse reminders us that we have the confidence from the Lord to fight with Him and in His Battles. The Lord will always be beside us in everything if He has given it to us to do.
-Verse 19-This verse tells us to have a clear conscience and to do that and keep doing that is by having Faith in Christ.
These verses say it clear and simple what we should be doing and how we should be doing it. You could even call them the main steps of ministry. They also show how God gave Grace to Paul and how and why He gives Grace to us.
Lesson from Today: Life is a ministry to the people around us no matter what our job is whether it is a stay at home mom or a business person. LIFE IS A MINISTRY! We just need to find out a way to use it has a ministry whether encouraging friends, having patience with co-workers, having confidence enough to speak up when we should, or spending time with God.
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