Boundaries with Self-Part 2

         Here is part 2 for making boundaries for self from the book "Boundaries". There is a check list in the book that asks 6 questions for a person to be able to noticed that they need boundaries within their self and ways to establish them. The 6 questions are: "What are the symptoms?, what are the roots?, what is the boundary conflict?, Who needs to take ownership?, what do you need to do?, and How do I begin?" The book really gives steps with two of the steps and those steps are: "what are the roots? and How to I begin?"
            We will start with the question: What are the roots?. Here are 7 possible roots for self-boundary conflicts:
             1. Lack of training-"Some people never learned to accept limits or to pay the consequences of their actions, or to delay gratification when they were growing up."
             2.  Rewarded destructiveness-"May learn that out of control things can bring you closer."
             3. Distorted needs-A person can take something that was made for the good and use it for the bad.
             4. Fear of relationships-"People want to really be loved but their out of control behavior keeps others away."
             5. Unmet emotional hungers-Want someone to love them.
             6. Being under the law-Some people were not able to make decisions for themselves growing up so when they try to make some of their own decisions they feel guilty and then they can tend to rebel in a bad way or just not want to be around people or in situations where they have to make a choice.
              7. Covering emotional hurts-People can hide their pain with things such as eating too much or spending too much or not talking at all to other people. They do this so they will be distract from the real pain of being unloved or any other bad feelings.
              Here are 5 ways that you can begin setting boundaries on yourself:
              1. Address your real needs.-What do you need? What is your real problem? I need help with my real problem. Committing you have a problem.
              2. Allow yourself to fail.-It won't be easy right from the start when you set boundaries. You have to let yourself fail but yet get back up again and do it again. It will make you stronger that way. "The recurrence of destructive patterns is evidence that God's sanctifying, maturing, and preparing us for eternity. We need to continue to practice to learn things."
               3. Listen to empathic feedback from others.-Surround yourself with friends that will tell you the truth when you ask about yourself and then listen to them and see if you can change in a good way. "Sometimes you may not truely understand the extent of the damage your lack of boundaries causes in the lives of those you care about. Other believers can provide perspective and support."
                4. Welcome consequences as a teacher.-"Just as a loving father's heart breaks when he sees his children in pain, God wants to spare us pain. But when His words and the feedback of his other children don't reach us, consequences are the only way to keep us out of further damage."
                5. Surround yourself with people who are loving and supportive.-Need others who are supportive but won't rescue you. Maintain close contact with your support group.
                 The quotes with these marks (" ") around them are straight out of the book by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.