My 25th Year

       "Ever wonder what it would be like to be distance from God for a year or more?" As I'm sitting outside during the beautiful Spring day, I think about what my 25th year was like (aka that was last year). I had a talk with God about it last night before I went to bed and it kept me up for at least a pretty good hour. Just crying and trying to understand where I have been and why did I stray from my 24th year since I was so blessed then and had things going for me. As girls and even humans, we think we have everything planned out and that we can tell God this is how we what it done and He will do it that way for us. Well, Last year is when everything hit me hard and changed. God completely turned everything in my life around or was working on it and during this year (my 26th) I'm grateful that He did.
      I'm going to start from the very beginning of how things were during my 24th year. I had a lot of little moments that I will never forget. Lots of firsts. I had the greatest of friends. That was, of course, my first year to Guatemala and everything from then on after I got back changed. I swear everything started after that trip but for the better. I had a job that I thought I loved and would have forever. I had a wonderful small church group. Everything was going great until right before my 25th birthday and let's say in Oct. too. Oct. is really when it all started.
       My grandad passed away before his birthday in Oct. and that just through me off. It was hard for me and I was probably mad at God because he took my grandad a year or two after he took my grandma. I thought I could get that situation because of course it isn't the first but then I lost my first job a couple of months later in December right before Christmas and my 25th birthday. Now just think I have all these great plans and things to do when I turn 25 and I don't have a job. That got me down big time. One of my dreams that I thought would always happen was that I would at least have a boyfriend by then too. I wanted to be married but that didn't happen but at least a boyfriend. That was another dream that was shot. Three dreams messed up when I turned 25.
         I went into my 25th year the wrong way. I didn't have a job and I was hanging out a lot with friends because there was nothing else to do. I spent all of Jan. that way.My friends were very encouarging and they tried to be there for me and they were I just didn't noticed until now. I got the job I have now and I loved it but it was a hard start because in 3 months I went to 3 different spots within that job. It was first part time and then full-time. Taking are of the babies to preschool. This job has helped me grow my confidence back up since I ost my other job. I think during my 25th year I was trying to run things myself because I was mad at God and had low-self-esteem. How can someone so great (me) lose her job that she has done all her life? It took a lot of encouragement from friends and co-workers to show me it is the other job's lose not mine. I just gained a better job from it.
          I think I was so focused on my career and trying to fit in and find time with my friends because me job times were new to me that I lost focus on God. I went to Gautemala that summer but it didn't feel the same. I also joined a morning bible study to keep me busy and it was one one "Loving the Nations" because I thought that what to know more about that. I was in situations and "fights" with friends that I didn't want to be in those things with espically towards the end of the year. It was fun but not for me. I don't think I had boundaries for myself because I was trying to make sense of who I was. A couple of my friends took the lead and said it like it was strainght forwards. I had cross their boundaries and I needed to step back a lot. My words, not theirs but I did need to. They were actully the first to step back because I was the dumb one and did nothing about it when I knew it was wrong. I heard about a book called "Boundaries" by a family member and brought that so I could start reading it by myself.
         I started to read the book "Boundaries" by myself but it was too confusing so I stopped. I started to look for a women's bible study at church that I could go to one time per week in the mornings to keep me busy and it was a blessing from God but the church has a study on the book "Boundaries" so I've been taking that since Jan. too.  I had another job change about Nov. or Dec. in the same spot but that was hard on me and I've been there ever since.
        I look back at my 25th year during the start of my 26th year and in a way I'm right back where I started a year ago (24th year) but so much stronger I feel like.  I'm back with the friends I was with and lovin' it. Lovin' my job, couldn't ask for a better one. It has taught me a lot about myself and me new built dream. I have a new dream. I don't want to just be a teacher anymore. I want to travel (aka got to Gautemala) and help the children there. That is my home. God has given me a new passion not just for children but for the abused and nagectled children. I know what it means now, too, to have boundaries in your life. God has been reshaping my life for him. His Ways are better then mine. I'm glad that I'm still single and not married because I can do so much more for Him. I'm still a work in progress but lovin' every min of it and I know I have God and friends to support me no matter what I go through. They will do what is best for me even when I don't think it is or when it is hard.
         My 25th year wasn't the marriage or the boyfriend year like I thought it would be. God had a better plan for me during that year. It was the year of being more close to Him then I could ever think possible and He still countines to bring me close to Him everyday even in my 26th year and 27th, and 28th, and so on I'm sure of it because I know God has something great planned for me. Something that will change people's lives for Him. Something to bring Him Glory, not me. :) That''s my life changing story over the past 3 years. :)