God always knows what I need to start a new year off right. I was looking back at the entry that I wrote last Jan. on New Year's Day and I can see a theme going on. The phase and word that I felt like I needed to learn more about was "Speaking the Truth in Love" and the word was "Truth". As I look back now, it wasn't like I planned it at all. The year had all sorts of craziness going on in it for me personally and then my family and friends that brought a lot on me too. There were some moments that I could tell that I was speaking the truth in Love to other people or at least trying to but as I look back, I see more that God was trying to speak His Truth in Love to me.
I spent a lot of time "alone" this year or with a few friends here and there. I had place whatsoever to spend time with big groups of people. That's just not me. I spent a lot more time doing Bible studies that had to do with breaking free and having room to breathe plus how to run a home. I had some tough times that I just had to let God speak over me like when my grandma passed away. I took a couple of trips so I could hear God and have fun. Get connected deep with friends again. In all of those things, I really believe that that was God speaking his Truth in Love to me. About who I really am in Him. It was growing from the inside to the outside.
God spoke to me through losing a job because He knew I was better then that and had more then they wanted me to offer. He really hit me hard with the whole money situation. Trusting in Him and not money or worldly things. I'm trying to get that built up again but not as worried as I was. God just showed me who He was this year by Loving and taking care of me. He spoke HIs Truth hard at times but He was still there to love on me.
Now taking what I learned from this past year onto the next year and learning about my new word, which is "Faith" will be interesting. This past Sunday I was home and went to church with my parents on my birthday and God really hit me with the word "Faith" because of the things I have going on or what to happen during the next year. Here are some quotes about "Faith" that my preacher said:
"It takes "faith" to leave a legacy."
"Worry should produce prayer."
"Faith is not a verb. It is a hard thing that you need to hold on too."
"It takes a strong person to follow God, but an easy person to follow the world."
"If God gives us faith to move a mountain, we have to use it, even when it is the
littlest of faith."
"Because of your friend's faith, you have accomplished something big."
"Have to renew your Faith every morning/everyday."
These are the phases and "faith" is the word I'm going to live on in 2016. I have a lot of big plans for my life so I'm having faith that God will lead me to them and/or provide for them. One of them is for me to get better at the job I am at now and be content with that so I can move on with other areas of my life. I guess you could say that my phase for 2016 is: "Have Faith and be Content." I want to challenge everyone that is reading this to just have faith this coming year. Just see what big or even little things God can do for you when you have faith as big as a mustard seed. See how content you can be with yourself. I might have a lot of things in mind for this year but I am looking forwards to what God is planning for me this year.
I also was and still am a little anxious about the new year ahead of me but having faith that God knows what He is doing. I can tell you the day after my birthday and after I heard the preacher's message, I was in tears because I was just so anxious and overwhelmed. I have all these great things planned but yet how do I handle them myself. The answer is: "I don't so I need to have faith in God for everything." It is hard when you are a grown up and have your birthday in the middle of Christmas and New Year's. You were so excited when you were a child because you get more presents but for me as I grow up and already when I hate changes to start with. I turn older 5 days before another year comes into play. Not only am I trying to be another year older but I'm also trying to make a whole year different from the last year.
For a person with the ability to get anxious and have anxiety and now that it exist now. It isn't the easiest thing to realize and deal with but I just have to remember that God has my back in all of this. He is a year or million of years ahead of me so He knows what will happen and as it all taken care of for me.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
When You Care for Someone
This entry will be a little different then my other entries. I've been second hand to a situation that has made me upset and worried for the past few days. It is having me look and praying for a miracle even though I don't know the person personally. When I say that I have been second hand in the situation, that is what I mean. I don't know the person that the situation is about but I know some of his friends and some of his friends are close friends of mine so therefore, my heart hurt for my friends that as had direct connection with the situation.
I am learning a lot from this situation. When you care for someone, especially in the hunting industry, you need to let them know that you care for them every chance you get. You just never know when a hunting trip will go wrong or when the gun will go off just randomly. I will be truthful, right here and right now, but I have always been kind of scared of hunting. I can see the fun side in it because of being out in Creation and spending time with people closest to you but still there has always been that little fear back in my mind about the guns or if people have no common sense. It could be just where I was raised too because there wasn't too many people with common sense around the town where I grew up. They would just miss school to go hunting but yet didn't do much with the meat. Just to make it clean I'm talking about my town folks having no common sense, not the ones in the situation I'm talking about. I don't even know them personally so I can't say anything about them.
This situation has made me realize just how much more dangerous any hunting trips can turn into and I need to take every chance I get to tell my hunting friends that I do care. I need to spend more time talking to them or hanging out with them or both. As much as I am thinking about the whole situation and the friends and families involved, I will admit my mind went straight to a friend of mine after the first night and I have been thinking about and praying about my friend more then the real situation since that is something I can relate to.
I'm also thinking about the wife of the guy that is missing and how she must be feeling right now. I love that some of the tweets say that she is keeping the hope and still praying strong but for me if that happened to a friend or my husband, I don't know if I could be like her if I was completely honest. I would go crazy and not get out of the house for a few days. It is also just strange to think about would I want my husband's stories, step by step, all over the news if he was to be famous even in his home state. Right after things happened or would I want to give people closest to me some time to gather things and thoughts. But then that could be a little selfish of me because the more the news gets out the more praying can be done so it would be hard but I would probably end up getting it on the news especially in the home state.
It is just another thing that I would probably have to talk to my husband about if I married a hunting one and it would be one of our 1st main talks, probably before children or anything else major then that. I want to be clear on what to do if things go wrong. I am a worrier and I like to have a plan ahead of time if possible even the littlest of a plan. I know God changes things. I've seen that in my life too much but still some plan to comfort me a little would be greatly appreciated.
Going into the year 2016, makes me really think what my top things should be below God. God should be my first and then families second, and friends third and I really need to keep it that way. I know I am starting a new spot at my job but a job is just a job/money but people and memories are forever. When you care for someone, keep them in your heart forever and let them know that you care for them everyday because if you don't you might regret it later. Do things that they would think you would never do for them or for the ones they even love.
I am learning a lot from this situation. When you care for someone, especially in the hunting industry, you need to let them know that you care for them every chance you get. You just never know when a hunting trip will go wrong or when the gun will go off just randomly. I will be truthful, right here and right now, but I have always been kind of scared of hunting. I can see the fun side in it because of being out in Creation and spending time with people closest to you but still there has always been that little fear back in my mind about the guns or if people have no common sense. It could be just where I was raised too because there wasn't too many people with common sense around the town where I grew up. They would just miss school to go hunting but yet didn't do much with the meat. Just to make it clean I'm talking about my town folks having no common sense, not the ones in the situation I'm talking about. I don't even know them personally so I can't say anything about them.
This situation has made me realize just how much more dangerous any hunting trips can turn into and I need to take every chance I get to tell my hunting friends that I do care. I need to spend more time talking to them or hanging out with them or both. As much as I am thinking about the whole situation and the friends and families involved, I will admit my mind went straight to a friend of mine after the first night and I have been thinking about and praying about my friend more then the real situation since that is something I can relate to.
I'm also thinking about the wife of the guy that is missing and how she must be feeling right now. I love that some of the tweets say that she is keeping the hope and still praying strong but for me if that happened to a friend or my husband, I don't know if I could be like her if I was completely honest. I would go crazy and not get out of the house for a few days. It is also just strange to think about would I want my husband's stories, step by step, all over the news if he was to be famous even in his home state. Right after things happened or would I want to give people closest to me some time to gather things and thoughts. But then that could be a little selfish of me because the more the news gets out the more praying can be done so it would be hard but I would probably end up getting it on the news especially in the home state.
It is just another thing that I would probably have to talk to my husband about if I married a hunting one and it would be one of our 1st main talks, probably before children or anything else major then that. I want to be clear on what to do if things go wrong. I am a worrier and I like to have a plan ahead of time if possible even the littlest of a plan. I know God changes things. I've seen that in my life too much but still some plan to comfort me a little would be greatly appreciated.
Going into the year 2016, makes me really think what my top things should be below God. God should be my first and then families second, and friends third and I really need to keep it that way. I know I am starting a new spot at my job but a job is just a job/money but people and memories are forever. When you care for someone, keep them in your heart forever and let them know that you care for them everyday because if you don't you might regret it later. Do things that they would think you would never do for them or for the ones they even love.
Friday, December 25, 2015
Child at Heart on Christmas Morning
Sometime I will get a life to where I can stop writing about every little thing but right now, it is all about the memories I am making, right and wrong ones. It is a life to where I want to choose what I want to do for my future family and then share it later on with my future husband if God is willing. I really do believe as singles, people learn a lot about themselves and what they really want for other people. I still can't see how some people can get married out of high school or college but then again God has different plans for everyone.
I am writing on this fine Christmas morning because I can't stay asleep, even though, I really want to but it is a tradition that will never break me especially if I am not home on Christmas Eve. Oddly enough, I just learned that as I woke up this morning. I am never again spending Christmas Eve night by myself. There is no way that I can get any sleep. I'm just too excited to go home the next day. I almost might be 28 but that child in me still loves waking up in her parents' house on Christmas Day. It just wasn't the same this year and I miss that but now I know for sure. If I don't wake up there, they better plan on waking up at around 3:00 the next morning. They are lucky that I am holding out this long this morning. I'm trying really hard not to go home right now.
My 1st thought this morning when I woke up and I mean the very first thought was I miss the noise at 5:00 in the morning. My family hasn't had a family get together on Christmas Eve and then stayed over for present in along time, maybe 2 to 3 years, ever since my parents' moved closer. As always I don't remember much about waking up early on Christmas morning. I do remember Santa Claus and all the present he would sit out for everyone around the Christmas tree. We would have to find our presents in our little spots around the tree. I think I stopped believing in him when I was around 9 or 10 years old or that is when I remember thinking he wasn't real.
Anyways, some of the memories I have are aunt memories, not just me as a child. Waking up and "acting" like Santa had came for my nieces and nephews. I, even, remember them waking me up some of the times. We would sleep downstairs together and then go up to the Christmas tree when everyone was awake. It would be about 5:00 or 5:30 too. I remember also that it would either be me, my little brother, or my 2nd to oldest sister waking everyone up. I missed those memories when I woke up in my apartment alone this morning. That is what woke me up. I think I was feeling that I had to wake someone up or thinking I heard something when reality I really didn't. It is just a memory that will be forever in my head. Christmas morning is the only morning in the year that you can get me up at whatever early time you want (5:00) and I'll be happy with it.
It is like hey, as long as I am getting presents I will be happy getting up at whatever time. I need to ask my parents what started the tradition today but I think it is really a neat one too. This thought never dawn on me until yesterday but I think I will tell this reason to my kids as they get older. It is a good reason too to keep the tradition going. We have no idea what time Jesus was really born but the Bible does say that there was a star in the sky for the wise man to follow so we get it was dark and maybe like night so of course we take it as Christmas Eve night or early Christmas Day to remember what it was like for everyone that was involved in the birth of Jesus or that is my excuse for my future children and maybe future husband if I need to talk him into this crazy idea anyways. :)
I will always be a child at heart on Christmas Eve and Day so, as long as I am single, I will need to be at home or with someone so I will always have someone to wake up to on Christmas Day morning. Never again will I do this alone thing. It is funny that I thought I could do it alone in the first place even. I probably be up literally almost all Christmas Day night until like 10:00 or 11:00 tonight.
I am writing on this fine Christmas morning because I can't stay asleep, even though, I really want to but it is a tradition that will never break me especially if I am not home on Christmas Eve. Oddly enough, I just learned that as I woke up this morning. I am never again spending Christmas Eve night by myself. There is no way that I can get any sleep. I'm just too excited to go home the next day. I almost might be 28 but that child in me still loves waking up in her parents' house on Christmas Day. It just wasn't the same this year and I miss that but now I know for sure. If I don't wake up there, they better plan on waking up at around 3:00 the next morning. They are lucky that I am holding out this long this morning. I'm trying really hard not to go home right now.
My 1st thought this morning when I woke up and I mean the very first thought was I miss the noise at 5:00 in the morning. My family hasn't had a family get together on Christmas Eve and then stayed over for present in along time, maybe 2 to 3 years, ever since my parents' moved closer. As always I don't remember much about waking up early on Christmas morning. I do remember Santa Claus and all the present he would sit out for everyone around the Christmas tree. We would have to find our presents in our little spots around the tree. I think I stopped believing in him when I was around 9 or 10 years old or that is when I remember thinking he wasn't real.
Anyways, some of the memories I have are aunt memories, not just me as a child. Waking up and "acting" like Santa had came for my nieces and nephews. I, even, remember them waking me up some of the times. We would sleep downstairs together and then go up to the Christmas tree when everyone was awake. It would be about 5:00 or 5:30 too. I remember also that it would either be me, my little brother, or my 2nd to oldest sister waking everyone up. I missed those memories when I woke up in my apartment alone this morning. That is what woke me up. I think I was feeling that I had to wake someone up or thinking I heard something when reality I really didn't. It is just a memory that will be forever in my head. Christmas morning is the only morning in the year that you can get me up at whatever early time you want (5:00) and I'll be happy with it.
It is like hey, as long as I am getting presents I will be happy getting up at whatever time. I need to ask my parents what started the tradition today but I think it is really a neat one too. This thought never dawn on me until yesterday but I think I will tell this reason to my kids as they get older. It is a good reason too to keep the tradition going. We have no idea what time Jesus was really born but the Bible does say that there was a star in the sky for the wise man to follow so we get it was dark and maybe like night so of course we take it as Christmas Eve night or early Christmas Day to remember what it was like for everyone that was involved in the birth of Jesus or that is my excuse for my future children and maybe future husband if I need to talk him into this crazy idea anyways. :)
I will always be a child at heart on Christmas Eve and Day so, as long as I am single, I will need to be at home or with someone so I will always have someone to wake up to on Christmas Day morning. Never again will I do this alone thing. It is funny that I thought I could do it alone in the first place even. I probably be up literally almost all Christmas Day night until like 10:00 or 11:00 tonight.
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Christmas Eve Day with the Infants
This Christmas Eve was very different for me then the last two Christmas Eves in the past 2 years. It was really strange for me. I had to work until 6:00 so I couldn't go home so I spent Christmas Eve by myself but I'm glad I didn't go home this year because throughout the day my eyes were open. I only had 3 children and not 15 children on Christmas Eve and that is a good difference. It is good because it meant they had families to stay with and go home to.
I was quite at work today for moments at a time because I would just look at the babies and think about what their 1st Christmas would be like. I also almost cried at work today. They actually get a first Christmas with their parents. It is so hard working opposite jobs one after the other because it is fresh in your mind and that is all you go back on. It is like my mind has lituatlly been renewed with different things. I was playing with the babies that I had at work today and they were all happy and smiley. They each had a Christmas outfit on and were so cute. Even though I didn't get to do anything Christmasy with them, we did listen to some Christmas songs.
It was also hard on me thinking about how they are going home and my place of work would be shut down and I could go home and to my parents' house tomorrow without a worry. The babies would be with their family opening presents with their parents on Christmas morning. I was thankful that they were going home but it was still hard. I got a lot of hugs today form parents and workers that just filled me with joy because they could see how much their children grow and learn because of the teachers in the room. When you work at a children's shelter, you don't get that because there are no parents there. I have also got 3 presents from parents and that meant a lot more then it use to because I know what it is like to do without.
I had this one mom that hugged me and while she was hugging me I almost started to cry because she hugged me tight like she almost squeezed me. Her son is the cutest boy ever and the happiest boy ever. She is ver outgoing and can be strict on us at times but it is only because she cares for her baby boy. The 1st two babies I looked at were about 6 months and a little bit older. Then there was this 2 or 3 months little boy that I looked at while talking to and just stared at him for awhile. It is dinfantly his 1st Christmas and he was the cutest thing ever dressed up as Santa Claus. I took a lot of pictures of the babies today to remember the moment by but still it is sad when you can compare different kinds of children.
The ones that are so happy and playful on Christmas Eve without even knowing why and then those children that are upset and sad because their mom and dad are not around for that special moment. I am the kind of person that need a lot of encouragement and thanks from the parents just to get me through the days sometimes and I think that is why I like a preschool job better. You have the parents who show you that and you see that in a "normal" child. I mean the babies have learned to sit up, wave, almost walk, stand up, and a lot of other things just in the 3 months that I have been there.
The places are really two different places and you really need a heart for one or the other. That is what I am learning now and my heart is for a "typical" preschool/daycare with "normal" children, even if they are spoiled sometimes. It is better to be spoiled then to have nothing at all. I literally heard no crying today or as much as I would have if I was at the shelter and that is a good sign. I got to sit and play with the 2 babies and hold them non-stop, which is what I love to do. I really have been blessed this Christmas by a lot of things even though some things went wrong this year. I think the good covers the bad for sure this year. It is an actual Christmas where I can say that I am blessed spiritually and earthly.
I was quite at work today for moments at a time because I would just look at the babies and think about what their 1st Christmas would be like. I also almost cried at work today. They actually get a first Christmas with their parents. It is so hard working opposite jobs one after the other because it is fresh in your mind and that is all you go back on. It is like my mind has lituatlly been renewed with different things. I was playing with the babies that I had at work today and they were all happy and smiley. They each had a Christmas outfit on and were so cute. Even though I didn't get to do anything Christmasy with them, we did listen to some Christmas songs.
It was also hard on me thinking about how they are going home and my place of work would be shut down and I could go home and to my parents' house tomorrow without a worry. The babies would be with their family opening presents with their parents on Christmas morning. I was thankful that they were going home but it was still hard. I got a lot of hugs today form parents and workers that just filled me with joy because they could see how much their children grow and learn because of the teachers in the room. When you work at a children's shelter, you don't get that because there are no parents there. I have also got 3 presents from parents and that meant a lot more then it use to because I know what it is like to do without.
I had this one mom that hugged me and while she was hugging me I almost started to cry because she hugged me tight like she almost squeezed me. Her son is the cutest boy ever and the happiest boy ever. She is ver outgoing and can be strict on us at times but it is only because she cares for her baby boy. The 1st two babies I looked at were about 6 months and a little bit older. Then there was this 2 or 3 months little boy that I looked at while talking to and just stared at him for awhile. It is dinfantly his 1st Christmas and he was the cutest thing ever dressed up as Santa Claus. I took a lot of pictures of the babies today to remember the moment by but still it is sad when you can compare different kinds of children.
The ones that are so happy and playful on Christmas Eve without even knowing why and then those children that are upset and sad because their mom and dad are not around for that special moment. I am the kind of person that need a lot of encouragement and thanks from the parents just to get me through the days sometimes and I think that is why I like a preschool job better. You have the parents who show you that and you see that in a "normal" child. I mean the babies have learned to sit up, wave, almost walk, stand up, and a lot of other things just in the 3 months that I have been there.
The places are really two different places and you really need a heart for one or the other. That is what I am learning now and my heart is for a "typical" preschool/daycare with "normal" children, even if they are spoiled sometimes. It is better to be spoiled then to have nothing at all. I literally heard no crying today or as much as I would have if I was at the shelter and that is a good sign. I got to sit and play with the 2 babies and hold them non-stop, which is what I love to do. I really have been blessed this Christmas by a lot of things even though some things went wrong this year. I think the good covers the bad for sure this year. It is an actual Christmas where I can say that I am blessed spiritually and earthly.
Monday, December 21, 2015
The God of Second Chances
I'm a girl that believes that God gives a lot of "second" chances or I was that girl. You messed up once you get a redo. Now I think I have turned into a woman that believes if God wants it to really happen, He will give you a real second chance. I always use to think, especially, in high school and after, that God will give you second chances on the little things like talking to someone when you missed the chance to the other day or go to something next year that you missed this year. I always looked for second chances with the little things and not the big things.
I'm here to say that I am a woman of the God that gives Second Chances. God just knew that He had to get you ready and get you through the tough things in life because part of those tough things were to help you learn who you really were so you could relate to people around you. The past two years haven't been the easiest for me to change back to my "normal" self. After college, I was all for going overseas and on missions. I wanted to have some adventure in my life afterwards. I did and still am having that adventure every day of my life because I am living in AR. If that's not an adventure, I don't know what is.
Things didn't start out quite like I wanted them to here in the state. I came with the mentality that I was going to be a different person so I tried to fit in with the business type and let me tell you that didn't work at all. It was more stress then I could handle and then I thought I would like to hang around missions type of people but that didn't work either. Everything was just falling apart for me until last Nov. on to until now. A really, dear friend of mine passed away in Nov. The friend was a farmer and loved the outdoors. He would be the that always read to me and take me for walks in the woods. I only started seeing him a few months, maybe a year, before he passed away and I have regretted that ever since because I saw him as he was going downhill with his cancer. There was only maybe one time that he remember who I was, His darling, little country girl.
Things just went south from there for me. I started thinking differently about my job that I had then. It wasn't for me. I couldn't be a missionary and that is what the job was like only in the states so all that adventure changed for me and it finally came to an end this July. Then of course, things just seemed like that kept happening after that. My grandma, last grandparent, passed away. I became low on money. I had to fight for some things. Things were just really stressful and I had to grow to be able to handle them.
Then in Oct. I went on this 10 days vacation with a friend of mine that knew the friend the passed away. It was his wife. She asked me a question the 1st night we were in a hotel that I will never forget. The question was: What do you like about him? and she would just keep talking about him throughout the whole trip and I took in every word. I go see this women try to every month because she means a lot to me and where they lived means a lot to me. I'm a country girl at heart and that is the only farm that I know of. It was where the first 4 years of my life memories were made. Most things that God does we cannot understand why at all but now that I look back I see why. I was really stressed in July with the things going on and couldn't wait for the trip but I saw a friend during the month that I was glad to see because it had been awhile.
Sorry if I embarrass this friend. You can get me later if you read this. I was so stressed back then I didn't even think about going up and talking to that friend. Bad things started to happen and I started learning a lot more about who I was and just a lot more about God and what He can do in my life with other things that were happening. Important for me to throw this in there: we haven't talked for about what 3 or 4 years like actually talked face to face. I would bump into this friend every so often here and there and get really nervous and shaky if I saw that friend. I would just run out the door or that is how I would feel afterwards.
The reason I see God as a God of second chances in a whole new light is this. I probably have talked to this friend face to face for the 1st time in those 3 to 4 years without being nervous or shaking at all. It was a little awkward still but where is the fun if there is none of that? I can honestly say that I felt like my normal self just standing there listening to my friend talk. To me, when you can go up and pick up from where you left off 4 or 5 years ago, the feeling way, yet talk about what is going on now because you kind of have been keeping track of things going on with that friend. That means a lot to me and tells me everything is good. Maybe I am looking too much into this or too Godly into it but for me and the past 2 years and really just these past 6 months that I had, God must have done something to me because we could both tell you that wasn't the me from college that my friend knew.
Maybe this is a sign and a second chance to make things right whatever that may mean? Maybe it means that God actually has a hold of everything that is going on and something good can come from it? Maybe nothing will happen from it and it was just a step that I needed to take for myself to show myself that I have grown and still am growing and learning about the tough things in life? I'm not trying to understand what God is doing but I am thanking Him for all He has done so far in my life.
I'm here to say that I am a woman of the God that gives Second Chances. God just knew that He had to get you ready and get you through the tough things in life because part of those tough things were to help you learn who you really were so you could relate to people around you. The past two years haven't been the easiest for me to change back to my "normal" self. After college, I was all for going overseas and on missions. I wanted to have some adventure in my life afterwards. I did and still am having that adventure every day of my life because I am living in AR. If that's not an adventure, I don't know what is.
Things didn't start out quite like I wanted them to here in the state. I came with the mentality that I was going to be a different person so I tried to fit in with the business type and let me tell you that didn't work at all. It was more stress then I could handle and then I thought I would like to hang around missions type of people but that didn't work either. Everything was just falling apart for me until last Nov. on to until now. A really, dear friend of mine passed away in Nov. The friend was a farmer and loved the outdoors. He would be the that always read to me and take me for walks in the woods. I only started seeing him a few months, maybe a year, before he passed away and I have regretted that ever since because I saw him as he was going downhill with his cancer. There was only maybe one time that he remember who I was, His darling, little country girl.
Things just went south from there for me. I started thinking differently about my job that I had then. It wasn't for me. I couldn't be a missionary and that is what the job was like only in the states so all that adventure changed for me and it finally came to an end this July. Then of course, things just seemed like that kept happening after that. My grandma, last grandparent, passed away. I became low on money. I had to fight for some things. Things were just really stressful and I had to grow to be able to handle them.
Then in Oct. I went on this 10 days vacation with a friend of mine that knew the friend the passed away. It was his wife. She asked me a question the 1st night we were in a hotel that I will never forget. The question was: What do you like about him? and she would just keep talking about him throughout the whole trip and I took in every word. I go see this women try to every month because she means a lot to me and where they lived means a lot to me. I'm a country girl at heart and that is the only farm that I know of. It was where the first 4 years of my life memories were made. Most things that God does we cannot understand why at all but now that I look back I see why. I was really stressed in July with the things going on and couldn't wait for the trip but I saw a friend during the month that I was glad to see because it had been awhile.
Sorry if I embarrass this friend. You can get me later if you read this. I was so stressed back then I didn't even think about going up and talking to that friend. Bad things started to happen and I started learning a lot more about who I was and just a lot more about God and what He can do in my life with other things that were happening. Important for me to throw this in there: we haven't talked for about what 3 or 4 years like actually talked face to face. I would bump into this friend every so often here and there and get really nervous and shaky if I saw that friend. I would just run out the door or that is how I would feel afterwards.
The reason I see God as a God of second chances in a whole new light is this. I probably have talked to this friend face to face for the 1st time in those 3 to 4 years without being nervous or shaking at all. It was a little awkward still but where is the fun if there is none of that? I can honestly say that I felt like my normal self just standing there listening to my friend talk. To me, when you can go up and pick up from where you left off 4 or 5 years ago, the feeling way, yet talk about what is going on now because you kind of have been keeping track of things going on with that friend. That means a lot to me and tells me everything is good. Maybe I am looking too much into this or too Godly into it but for me and the past 2 years and really just these past 6 months that I had, God must have done something to me because we could both tell you that wasn't the me from college that my friend knew.
Maybe this is a sign and a second chance to make things right whatever that may mean? Maybe it means that God actually has a hold of everything that is going on and something good can come from it? Maybe nothing will happen from it and it was just a step that I needed to take for myself to show myself that I have grown and still am growing and learning about the tough things in life? I'm not trying to understand what God is doing but I am thanking Him for all He has done so far in my life.
25 Signs of Christmas Hope
Here are some signs of what Christmas Hope and even everyday Hope could look like for each and every Christian and the verses that you can look up to see the whole story of each sign.
-knowing that the most trustworthy person is for us.
Christmas Hope is:
-the virgin Mary
-Isaiah 7:14
-the Christmas Lights
-Isaiah 9:2
- Branch of a Christmas tree
-Isaiah 11:1-3
-family being together
-Isaiah 40:1,5
-a quite night
-Isaiah 42:2-3
-little, homemade gifts
-Micah 5:2,4
-days leading up to Christmas and all that
has to be done
-Matthew 1:18-21
-the little nudges we get throughout out lives
-Matthew 1:23-25
-our friends and/or talents
-Matthew 2:11
-seeing God guiding your life
-Matthew 19-20
-the mistakes we have made in the past because
we can learn from them
-Luke 1:1-2, 6
-our trust in God. He can give you a one in two deal.
-Luke 1:12-13, 17-18
-knowing that the most trustworthy person is for us.
-Luke 1:12-13, 17-18
-the "impossible" is possible with God
-Luke 1:21-25
-shown us his favor so we won't be discouraged among
other people
-Luke 1:25
-that we all are His and what He says go
-Luke 1:37
-those times that we are greatly troubled
-Luke 1:29-30
-when being blessed because we are believe
what God says
-Luke 1:45 (TLB)
-when we can tell that God is preparing the
way for us
-Luke 1:76
-when God takes notice of us and does great
things for us
-Luke 1:46,49
-when following God's agenda and the Holy Spirit's
path doesn't guarantee a smooth road
-Luke 2:1-7
-your comfortable home
-Luke 2:6-8
-A messy, little stable
-Luke 2:9
-the shepherds and angels
-Luke 2:10-11
-the sheep
-Luke 2:15-18
and an extra one:
-Sometime the hurrying in life is good because then you don't
have time to doubt what God is telling you to do.
-Luke 2:15-18
Just a couple of thoughts I want to remember so I put them on here:
- Do you imitate the scoffers at the Messiah's words? Do you wander thinking you can find greener pastures? Or do you hear the voice of the Good Shepherd and follow Him?
-your comfortable home
-Luke 2:6-8
-A messy, little stable
-Luke 2:9
-the shepherds and angels
-Luke 2:10-11
-the sheep
-Luke 2:15-18
and an extra one:
-Sometime the hurrying in life is good because then you don't
have time to doubt what God is telling you to do.
-Luke 2:15-18
Just a couple of thoughts I want to remember so I put them on here:
- Do you imitate the scoffers at the Messiah's words? Do you wander thinking you can find greener pastures? Or do you hear the voice of the Good Shepherd and follow Him?
-Released leaders know His voice. They cultivate the habit of listening for it. They follow whether they get a rare glimpse of Heaven or an inner prompting.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Living Alone
"You've begun to move forward, to make changes, to recognize the incredible woman you are and become more of who God created you to be. And the enemy would love nothing more than to convince you it's too much, you can't do it, there's not enough time.....the list is endless. But it's not true, dear friend, You can change. You can grow. You already have-don't let anything stand in your way."-Holley Gerth
"Are you ready to take the next step? You can do this, sweet girl. With Him. In His Power. That power that created the world, spoke the stars into place, spend the sea from one shore to the another. That's the power that lives in you."-Holley Gerth
Okay, those were just two simple quotes that I wanted to write down somewhere so I wrote them down on this entry. The real reason for this entry is because I woke up thinking about what it meant to really live alone at 6:00 am on a Sunday morning. My mind never stops. I swear. I was was thinking about "living alone" as I good thing too. Just thought I would throw that out so I don't scare anyone in any way.
My mind went straight to Proverbs 31, the Godly woman chapter, and I started to think about that but then again when don't I think about that chapter. It is one that I probably simply have memorized or will soon. Not word for word but the concepts I do. I got to thinking, "It really helps for a woman to live alone." You might be thinking that that is something strange to be thinking about but here is my outlook on that.
Unlike guys, where all they have to learn is how to lead and provide for a family and I'm not saying that lightly at all. Us, women, have to learn how to be a Keeper of the household. We have to learn how to keep to all together when the husband is out providing for the family. What better way to do that then to live on your own, in your own house, having to make your own meals and clean up your own mess, and so on. When you really think about it if you are living on your own as a women for how ever many years, it will just make you that much better as a wife because you know what you have done wrong personally for you so you don't want to make that same mistake for your family.
Now I know when you get married you have to adjust to living with another person and then people if you plan on having children but it gets you at a good starting place in life. If you're like me, where you are living by yourself at all times and then working with children all the time, then you pretty much have everything down. You just need to bring the two together somehow. It also should hit a women that is living by herself that if she cares enough about herself and the way she is living by herself, then how much more will she care about the rest of her family in the future. If she is neat and tidy by herself, then she will try to be that but if she is so so on her cleaning then she knows she needs to do better when she has children and is married.
I think the church study that I took this past Fall called "Called to be a Keeper" really helped me see some of these things but they are now just clicking together for me. Yes, it does take me awhile to put things together like these. As single women, we might think we are off the hook, when really we aren't. We are really on the hook because if a lot of people come over to your house to hang out or whatever and they see how you live that could say a lot about your personality and style. Right now, my apartment has a lot of books and bears in it.
All this to say that, as women, we should be living the Proverbs 31 chapter everyday of our lives even as single women. If not living it just yet because we don't have that guy in our life, then at least let people see that we are striving to be that "prefect" wife that God has called us to be. Notice I put the word perfect in quotations because there is no such thing as a prefect wife. We don't need a guy or a certain person in our lives to live out how God created us to be. We should be that way for God and not for man.
"Are you ready to take the next step? You can do this, sweet girl. With Him. In His Power. That power that created the world, spoke the stars into place, spend the sea from one shore to the another. That's the power that lives in you."-Holley Gerth
Okay, those were just two simple quotes that I wanted to write down somewhere so I wrote them down on this entry. The real reason for this entry is because I woke up thinking about what it meant to really live alone at 6:00 am on a Sunday morning. My mind never stops. I swear. I was was thinking about "living alone" as I good thing too. Just thought I would throw that out so I don't scare anyone in any way.
My mind went straight to Proverbs 31, the Godly woman chapter, and I started to think about that but then again when don't I think about that chapter. It is one that I probably simply have memorized or will soon. Not word for word but the concepts I do. I got to thinking, "It really helps for a woman to live alone." You might be thinking that that is something strange to be thinking about but here is my outlook on that.
Unlike guys, where all they have to learn is how to lead and provide for a family and I'm not saying that lightly at all. Us, women, have to learn how to be a Keeper of the household. We have to learn how to keep to all together when the husband is out providing for the family. What better way to do that then to live on your own, in your own house, having to make your own meals and clean up your own mess, and so on. When you really think about it if you are living on your own as a women for how ever many years, it will just make you that much better as a wife because you know what you have done wrong personally for you so you don't want to make that same mistake for your family.
Now I know when you get married you have to adjust to living with another person and then people if you plan on having children but it gets you at a good starting place in life. If you're like me, where you are living by yourself at all times and then working with children all the time, then you pretty much have everything down. You just need to bring the two together somehow. It also should hit a women that is living by herself that if she cares enough about herself and the way she is living by herself, then how much more will she care about the rest of her family in the future. If she is neat and tidy by herself, then she will try to be that but if she is so so on her cleaning then she knows she needs to do better when she has children and is married.
I think the church study that I took this past Fall called "Called to be a Keeper" really helped me see some of these things but they are now just clicking together for me. Yes, it does take me awhile to put things together like these. As single women, we might think we are off the hook, when really we aren't. We are really on the hook because if a lot of people come over to your house to hang out or whatever and they see how you live that could say a lot about your personality and style. Right now, my apartment has a lot of books and bears in it.
All this to say that, as women, we should be living the Proverbs 31 chapter everyday of our lives even as single women. If not living it just yet because we don't have that guy in our life, then at least let people see that we are striving to be that "prefect" wife that God has called us to be. Notice I put the word perfect in quotations because there is no such thing as a prefect wife. We don't need a guy or a certain person in our lives to live out how God created us to be. We should be that way for God and not for man.
Saturday, December 19, 2015
God's Path for Me
I hate to say this but since June my eyes have really been opened up a lot. I'm seeing how stressed and anxious I was with the job that I had back then that I wasn't trying to expand my friendships or life in any way or form. I would just come home and just be mad t the world around me or sleep but I was so exhausted on the inside. I would just think either about me or about the children I was working with. Probably more about the children because I knew I wasn't doing myself any favors during that job. There was just too much on my shoulders at that job and honestly it seemed like no one cared at all.
I really believe that God had a purpose for me quitting that job because now I feel so much happier and can see Him so much clearer and what He is doing in my life now. I have time to talk to friends and time to think to spend with God and think about Him instead of the children. Now don't get me wrong I loved the children but I have the kind of heart that gets too involved in things and if I know I can't do anything about it, it kills me and with that job it did. It might not have killed me on the outside but on the inside it did and I hated it.
When we can't see the reason that God is doing something at that moment, we wonder why and cry out to Him and think we know what is best for us. We try and make a deal with Him and see if it works but it doesn't. For me, with this job, I would be too sleepy or too self focused that I wouldn't think about other people even my friends. I wouldn't think about how just going up and saying a little "hey" to them would mean at least something to them especially this season or any time of year. I can't tell you the whole story just to save some embarrassment towards some friends but tonight I got a feeling that God is doing the right thing and if I just follow Him things will be good.
One of my friends doesn't go to church a lot because they are always traveling here or there on the weekend but this one typical weekend they decided to stay home and I'm thankful for that. I saw this friend twice during the summer at church. Once in June and once in July and I didn't go up and talk to that friend at all because of the things going on in my life right about then. I know there were other times before that that I didn't go up to that friend because I was nervous or wasn't "feeling" like it. Tonight I told myself that I didn't have any excuse this time even though I was sick and probably looked it a little. It was the week before Christmas and my birthday and God showed me something in the weeks before that made sense friendship wise so I was going to talk to this friend no matter what.
I did go up to this friend and we chatted for a little bit and it felt good. It was something not only did I need to do for my friend but I think more that I needed to do for me. To show myself, that I can do it. I mean I'm almost 28 years old. I need to live a little. :) I need to grow up and not be scared of every little thing around me. It is just odd how God has worked through these whole 6 months, just so I can go talk to a friend and not feel so awkward or like I was making myself go do it. I actually felt normal while talking and for me, if you know me, that is a big step. I have seen this friend I think at least a couple more times before June and I felt nervous each time but tonight was different.
I just felt like God was saying, "Now is your time to go and talk to your friend. You have no excuses that you can make and you have been hitting yourself over the head when you don't. Your life is normal now so just go talk to the friend, even if it is just a little hey that is fine." I have been through a lot this year and in a way I have changed a lot this year too whether spiritual and/or emotional (I guess you would call it). It was just good to see that I could sort of end 2015 the way I did and maybe next year will be a happier year for me or at least better year then this year was. It was just want I needed in a strange way. I will say, strangely enough, I really, really believe God was literally pushing me towards that friend.
I might be making a big deal out of something little but for me, at least, I know God can use the bad things to push us to the good things. That is all God has done for me this year. I know somehow, some way God has a path planned out for each of us and it might not be the easiest path but it is a path that will lead us where we need to be with Him. I just want to add I did all of this without being on my meds for a day, which is another really big step for me. Just to point out too this was all at and in a church where I feel the most comfortable to start with. I hope that the title and this entry goes together or that you get what I am trying to say with the both of them. The End.
I really believe that God had a purpose for me quitting that job because now I feel so much happier and can see Him so much clearer and what He is doing in my life now. I have time to talk to friends and time to think to spend with God and think about Him instead of the children. Now don't get me wrong I loved the children but I have the kind of heart that gets too involved in things and if I know I can't do anything about it, it kills me and with that job it did. It might not have killed me on the outside but on the inside it did and I hated it.
When we can't see the reason that God is doing something at that moment, we wonder why and cry out to Him and think we know what is best for us. We try and make a deal with Him and see if it works but it doesn't. For me, with this job, I would be too sleepy or too self focused that I wouldn't think about other people even my friends. I wouldn't think about how just going up and saying a little "hey" to them would mean at least something to them especially this season or any time of year. I can't tell you the whole story just to save some embarrassment towards some friends but tonight I got a feeling that God is doing the right thing and if I just follow Him things will be good.
One of my friends doesn't go to church a lot because they are always traveling here or there on the weekend but this one typical weekend they decided to stay home and I'm thankful for that. I saw this friend twice during the summer at church. Once in June and once in July and I didn't go up and talk to that friend at all because of the things going on in my life right about then. I know there were other times before that that I didn't go up to that friend because I was nervous or wasn't "feeling" like it. Tonight I told myself that I didn't have any excuse this time even though I was sick and probably looked it a little. It was the week before Christmas and my birthday and God showed me something in the weeks before that made sense friendship wise so I was going to talk to this friend no matter what.
I did go up to this friend and we chatted for a little bit and it felt good. It was something not only did I need to do for my friend but I think more that I needed to do for me. To show myself, that I can do it. I mean I'm almost 28 years old. I need to live a little. :) I need to grow up and not be scared of every little thing around me. It is just odd how God has worked through these whole 6 months, just so I can go talk to a friend and not feel so awkward or like I was making myself go do it. I actually felt normal while talking and for me, if you know me, that is a big step. I have seen this friend I think at least a couple more times before June and I felt nervous each time but tonight was different.
I just felt like God was saying, "Now is your time to go and talk to your friend. You have no excuses that you can make and you have been hitting yourself over the head when you don't. Your life is normal now so just go talk to the friend, even if it is just a little hey that is fine." I have been through a lot this year and in a way I have changed a lot this year too whether spiritual and/or emotional (I guess you would call it). It was just good to see that I could sort of end 2015 the way I did and maybe next year will be a happier year for me or at least better year then this year was. It was just want I needed in a strange way. I will say, strangely enough, I really, really believe God was literally pushing me towards that friend.
I might be making a big deal out of something little but for me, at least, I know God can use the bad things to push us to the good things. That is all God has done for me this year. I know somehow, some way God has a path planned out for each of us and it might not be the easiest path but it is a path that will lead us where we need to be with Him. I just want to add I did all of this without being on my meds for a day, which is another really big step for me. Just to point out too this was all at and in a church where I feel the most comfortable to start with. I hope that the title and this entry goes together or that you get what I am trying to say with the both of them. The End.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Joesph's Side of the Story
As women, we always look at Mary's story around Christmas time and how wonderful it was that she got to deliver God's Son. Now don't get me wrong, how Jesus came to earth was a miracle in itself but have you ever thought to look at Joesph's side of the Story. If you look at Mary's and Joesph's sides each apart and then together, it really does show the jobs of a women and a men when they are married together. Now this could be taken wrong if you don't know the whole story of those two or even the whole Bible so before you read all of this entry you need to know more about the Bible. I think this is a little thing to look into once you are use to the Bible and know most of the stories in it because it can be confusing and I don't want to lead anyone down that path.
So here is what I get from being a long time Christian and reading this Christmas story over and over again. I don't know why God is showing me this part of the story this year. I wonder if it means anything but I don't worry about that, at least I am learning more from God's Word for my future. What I see in the Birth of Jesus story this year is this: the side of Joesph's story. As Christians, especially Christian women, all we usually see is Mary's side of the of story, which is where the miracle happens and why it happens but she isn't all the story. Joesph had a big part in the story of Jesus too.
Joesph had to take Mary as his wife in a day where giving birth to a baby outside of marriage was wrong and looked down upon. Not only that, he had an important job too in all of this. Joesph got to name the baby "Jesus". An angel came to him directly in a dream and told him the name to name God's Son and what it really meant. It means "God with us" in a short version. Just think about all that weight Joesph had on his shoulders too. As women, especially single women, we don't tend to think about all the weight that is on a guy's should especially if we like one.
Yes, the guy is suppose to be the leader but not without the help from his wife. I think that God giving Joesph the name to name His Only Son was a way to show us that Joesph was the leader of the family. Yet, women, we need to help the guy out. If you have ever bene out on a date or liked a guy, then you know what I am talking about. Nothing will get done if you two just stand and look at each other overtime you see each other. The guy could be thinking, "what is she thinking?, "do I look ok?", "should I go over there and talk to her?", and so on probably the same questions us, women, are asking ourselves.
We don't have to take the lead but we can fairly easily go up and talk to them as friends if we see them somewhere. We can encourage them in a lot of different ways. We can start taking notice of them and letting them know it. We can do a lot of things with our caring and loving personality that God has given us. This whole outlook is new for me because I use to be the one in high school that just sat back and waited for the guy to come to me but I know I have to help a guy out now. Just like God gave Joesph Jesus's name, God can give the guy the answer he is looking with us, to keep as a friend or go deeper with it, but how does that guy know what to think if we don't do anything to help him. He can't read our minds.
It was just a real eye opener for me after I read one of my church's devos that was about the angel coming down and giving Joesph the name of Jesus. It is kind of like that was God's way of telling Joesph too that yes, I want you to marry Mary but wait until my Son is born. It is a lot to think about but do it and see if you understand and if it makes a little, if not a lot, of sense to you.
So here is what I get from being a long time Christian and reading this Christmas story over and over again. I don't know why God is showing me this part of the story this year. I wonder if it means anything but I don't worry about that, at least I am learning more from God's Word for my future. What I see in the Birth of Jesus story this year is this: the side of Joesph's story. As Christians, especially Christian women, all we usually see is Mary's side of the of story, which is where the miracle happens and why it happens but she isn't all the story. Joesph had a big part in the story of Jesus too.
Joesph had to take Mary as his wife in a day where giving birth to a baby outside of marriage was wrong and looked down upon. Not only that, he had an important job too in all of this. Joesph got to name the baby "Jesus". An angel came to him directly in a dream and told him the name to name God's Son and what it really meant. It means "God with us" in a short version. Just think about all that weight Joesph had on his shoulders too. As women, especially single women, we don't tend to think about all the weight that is on a guy's should especially if we like one.
Yes, the guy is suppose to be the leader but not without the help from his wife. I think that God giving Joesph the name to name His Only Son was a way to show us that Joesph was the leader of the family. Yet, women, we need to help the guy out. If you have ever bene out on a date or liked a guy, then you know what I am talking about. Nothing will get done if you two just stand and look at each other overtime you see each other. The guy could be thinking, "what is she thinking?, "do I look ok?", "should I go over there and talk to her?", and so on probably the same questions us, women, are asking ourselves.
We don't have to take the lead but we can fairly easily go up and talk to them as friends if we see them somewhere. We can encourage them in a lot of different ways. We can start taking notice of them and letting them know it. We can do a lot of things with our caring and loving personality that God has given us. This whole outlook is new for me because I use to be the one in high school that just sat back and waited for the guy to come to me but I know I have to help a guy out now. Just like God gave Joesph Jesus's name, God can give the guy the answer he is looking with us, to keep as a friend or go deeper with it, but how does that guy know what to think if we don't do anything to help him. He can't read our minds.
It was just a real eye opener for me after I read one of my church's devos that was about the angel coming down and giving Joesph the name of Jesus. It is kind of like that was God's way of telling Joesph too that yes, I want you to marry Mary but wait until my Son is born. It is a lot to think about but do it and see if you understand and if it makes a little, if not a lot, of sense to you.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Different Lifestyles for Children
I have been thinking about the different lifestyles between children a lot lately. Why? You might ask. Well, working at a shelter and then working at a "regular" daycare/preschool is very different within itself. When it comes to the children, though, that is not the only thing that is different. The other thing that is different is how they are raised and the culture that they are raised in. I love how every parent is so nervous and scared for their first child that sometimes they overprotect too much or don't ask for ideas or advice they just raise them.
Then there are parents, if you want to call them that, of the children at the shelter that doesn't care about the children at all. Yet I have seen some smailiar things in a few children at the daycare and some at the shelter but they were raised so differently. I love working in different settings and learning these different things.
The child that I had at the shelter couldn't do anything on his own at all because he literately had not been taught how to do anything. Then the other child that I see same yet different at the daycare he was a little too overprotective and won't do things by himself unless he is made to do them by himself. There are some differences in the two children. I would rather have the overprotective one then the one that knows nothing even though he was cute too and I could really tell a big change with him but here is why. I just want to say that I have been blessed to help both of them get to where they are today, hopefully.
The child at the shelter was 4 years old physically but he had a mind of a 16 months old, maybe a little older. Can't quite remember all the details. This child came in eating on the floor, not knowing how to use a high chair or table. We had to teach this child that. He didn't know what silverware was or a plate was. Didn't know how to use them. He would throw them at me when he was done eating and try to get out of the high chair himself. This was a joke between me and a old co-worker but I got ice cream throw at me once and that's not all. He threw toys everywhere because he didn't know how to play with them. He cried and screamed because he didn't know any other ways of talking. He was also very aggressive. We lituatlly had to help him learn everything at the age of 4 years old. He was very behind.
The child at the daycare is just a little overprotective and here is why. He is one years old and when he came to daycare, we thought he was younger but it is just turning out to be that he is overprotective. He is getting comfortable with the center and with us, teachers that he is opening up more. All he would do at first is cry non stop and wouldn't eat for us at all or even take a nap in his crib. It only took 2 weeks to change that all. He is now sleeping in his crib for us and he is eating for us better then he was. He wouldn't take his bottles from us either but now he is and that started just this week. He also would not get down on the floor to play but yesterday he almost played all day on the floor.
It was strange because he would be fine in a closed up place like the high chair and a jumper. He loved those two things but would start to cry as soon as we put him on the floor with the other children and toys. Come to find out, he is contained at home in small areas. He has never been in the floor where there were tons of toys to play with and other children to play with too. This was also his first daycare because he stayed home before this. His parents even said that they wanted him to have the interaction with other children that is why they brought him to the daycare. He is all smiles with us finally and that took about 2 weeks to get him that way. He likes me, which at first, I don't think he did. I think he was kind of unsure about me.
I learning that the little boy at the daycare is slow at learning things. I think he needs to do one new thing at a time. Instead, doing of doing all new things at once, he needs to do one new thing at a time. He is learning something new. Give this poor boy a chance instead of throwing everything on him at once or he will get to mad and not do anything. My other boy at the shelter had the same problem too. They will get upset if you introduce things to every new thing in a day because then they can't do anything that they try and they will get mad at themselves. You don't want a crying child around, do you?
Sorry these are just some of my thoughts on children and a lot of these thoughts sound like a way an OT/A would go so I should go ahead a be one. Right?
Then there are parents, if you want to call them that, of the children at the shelter that doesn't care about the children at all. Yet I have seen some smailiar things in a few children at the daycare and some at the shelter but they were raised so differently. I love working in different settings and learning these different things.
The child that I had at the shelter couldn't do anything on his own at all because he literately had not been taught how to do anything. Then the other child that I see same yet different at the daycare he was a little too overprotective and won't do things by himself unless he is made to do them by himself. There are some differences in the two children. I would rather have the overprotective one then the one that knows nothing even though he was cute too and I could really tell a big change with him but here is why. I just want to say that I have been blessed to help both of them get to where they are today, hopefully.
The child at the shelter was 4 years old physically but he had a mind of a 16 months old, maybe a little older. Can't quite remember all the details. This child came in eating on the floor, not knowing how to use a high chair or table. We had to teach this child that. He didn't know what silverware was or a plate was. Didn't know how to use them. He would throw them at me when he was done eating and try to get out of the high chair himself. This was a joke between me and a old co-worker but I got ice cream throw at me once and that's not all. He threw toys everywhere because he didn't know how to play with them. He cried and screamed because he didn't know any other ways of talking. He was also very aggressive. We lituatlly had to help him learn everything at the age of 4 years old. He was very behind.
The child at the daycare is just a little overprotective and here is why. He is one years old and when he came to daycare, we thought he was younger but it is just turning out to be that he is overprotective. He is getting comfortable with the center and with us, teachers that he is opening up more. All he would do at first is cry non stop and wouldn't eat for us at all or even take a nap in his crib. It only took 2 weeks to change that all. He is now sleeping in his crib for us and he is eating for us better then he was. He wouldn't take his bottles from us either but now he is and that started just this week. He also would not get down on the floor to play but yesterday he almost played all day on the floor.
It was strange because he would be fine in a closed up place like the high chair and a jumper. He loved those two things but would start to cry as soon as we put him on the floor with the other children and toys. Come to find out, he is contained at home in small areas. He has never been in the floor where there were tons of toys to play with and other children to play with too. This was also his first daycare because he stayed home before this. His parents even said that they wanted him to have the interaction with other children that is why they brought him to the daycare. He is all smiles with us finally and that took about 2 weeks to get him that way. He likes me, which at first, I don't think he did. I think he was kind of unsure about me.
I learning that the little boy at the daycare is slow at learning things. I think he needs to do one new thing at a time. Instead, doing of doing all new things at once, he needs to do one new thing at a time. He is learning something new. Give this poor boy a chance instead of throwing everything on him at once or he will get to mad and not do anything. My other boy at the shelter had the same problem too. They will get upset if you introduce things to every new thing in a day because then they can't do anything that they try and they will get mad at themselves. You don't want a crying child around, do you?
Sorry these are just some of my thoughts on children and a lot of these thoughts sound like a way an OT/A would go so I should go ahead a be one. Right?
Monday, December 7, 2015
The Perfect Saturday
I just have to brag about this past Saturday. It was a prefect one for the books (blog). It had a lot of moments that I won't forget and those moments are priceless, when it comes to family and children. I had 3 moments on Saturday that just made me smile and feel the joy inside of me. Isn't that what we are suppose to feel this Christmas season? Joy? I also got some rest between the moments and that made it even better for me. Just letting you know that a prefect Saturday for me is consistent with children, my own children, whether it is nephews and nieces or just friends' children or writing my "children" overseas.
My morning moment was the time I got to spend with my nephews and nieces. It was so much fun to be around them! We made gingerbread cookies and iced them. We also played some soccer. Maybe like 4 mins of soccer and the nephews won but it isn't about who won it was about the time playing with them. They also pretended to be a reindeer and I got pictures that they will never live down as they get older. Not really, I wouldn't be that mean of an aunt. :) It is just amazing how joyful I was to be around them and the things that I saw while I was around them and afterwards. They are going up so fast and I can't believe it!
Being an aunt is hard enough because I've watched all my nephews and nieces grow up before my eyes. Just think about being a mom and all of those moments you actually get to see everyday, good and bad, but yet they grow up fast too, maybe even faster. Being in the childcare business, I can understand why parents want to send their babies to preschool. I mean I know that probably have a reason like they have to work but it is just so sad at times.
After spending some time with the nephews and nieces, I got to take a 3 hour nap, which was nice. After my nap, I had my Saturday night moments. I went to Saturday night church service and wouldn't you believe the message was about Hope and Compassion International was there and spoke for a little while. I did something after the service that I have been thinking about doing for a few months now. I sponsored another little girl from Guatemala with the same birthday as me. That step is only a little step in a big dream for me. I love Compassion International and what it does for children in poverty. I agree, wholeheartedly, with their Christian education background. They always say that education is always the way to get children out of poverty so that is 2nd goal, while our first goal is to show them Christ while doing that.
So I have kind of started my own international family of children and thinking about sponsoring one more when my 1st child graduates out of the program. Then as I was signing up for my child, I heard one of my friends' children scream "mommy" as she went running towards her mom and then gave her mom a hug coming out from Sunday school. I do have to say that that was the cutest thing I have seen in awhile. I mean I didn't know it was the little girl at first who was screaming but the whole church could hear her and to me it was cute. It was just a picture of true love between a parent and a child and it made me smile really big as I was walking out.
I don't know why I have gotten so wrapped up in these children moments. It's not like I can have any of my own yet but then again I have been wanted some of my own for a long time. Just haven't found the "one" yet. Yet I'm still learning little things here and there that I can and will use for my children. It does really help me by working in the childcare field. People might look down on you because you don't have your own children yet so of course you have no idea what you are talking about but then at the same time you can learn from parents if they are really to give advice randomly.
My morning moment was the time I got to spend with my nephews and nieces. It was so much fun to be around them! We made gingerbread cookies and iced them. We also played some soccer. Maybe like 4 mins of soccer and the nephews won but it isn't about who won it was about the time playing with them. They also pretended to be a reindeer and I got pictures that they will never live down as they get older. Not really, I wouldn't be that mean of an aunt. :) It is just amazing how joyful I was to be around them and the things that I saw while I was around them and afterwards. They are going up so fast and I can't believe it!
Being an aunt is hard enough because I've watched all my nephews and nieces grow up before my eyes. Just think about being a mom and all of those moments you actually get to see everyday, good and bad, but yet they grow up fast too, maybe even faster. Being in the childcare business, I can understand why parents want to send their babies to preschool. I mean I know that probably have a reason like they have to work but it is just so sad at times.
After spending some time with the nephews and nieces, I got to take a 3 hour nap, which was nice. After my nap, I had my Saturday night moments. I went to Saturday night church service and wouldn't you believe the message was about Hope and Compassion International was there and spoke for a little while. I did something after the service that I have been thinking about doing for a few months now. I sponsored another little girl from Guatemala with the same birthday as me. That step is only a little step in a big dream for me. I love Compassion International and what it does for children in poverty. I agree, wholeheartedly, with their Christian education background. They always say that education is always the way to get children out of poverty so that is 2nd goal, while our first goal is to show them Christ while doing that.
So I have kind of started my own international family of children and thinking about sponsoring one more when my 1st child graduates out of the program. Then as I was signing up for my child, I heard one of my friends' children scream "mommy" as she went running towards her mom and then gave her mom a hug coming out from Sunday school. I do have to say that that was the cutest thing I have seen in awhile. I mean I didn't know it was the little girl at first who was screaming but the whole church could hear her and to me it was cute. It was just a picture of true love between a parent and a child and it made me smile really big as I was walking out.
I don't know why I have gotten so wrapped up in these children moments. It's not like I can have any of my own yet but then again I have been wanted some of my own for a long time. Just haven't found the "one" yet. Yet I'm still learning little things here and there that I can and will use for my children. It does really help me by working in the childcare field. People might look down on you because you don't have your own children yet so of course you have no idea what you are talking about but then at the same time you can learn from parents if they are really to give advice randomly.
Sunday, December 6, 2015
God is So Good!
The last two days have been the best of this month so far. When I say the last two days, I mean Friday and Yesterday. I was going to start out this entry by having a prayer answered Friday but I was to lazy and busy to write it Friday night so I wrote it today. I am also going to write about Saturday because it was another amazing say in itself along with Friday. Here it goes. Now first about Friday and that answered prayer.
I was having a really hard week with one of my new children at work and it seemed a little hard to communicate to him and his parents. Why you might be asking? The answer is they are from India and they raise their children a little differently then we do here in the states. The parents said that the reason they are starting to bring their little boy to us is because they want him to get some interaction with other children, which I understand completely. It has been hard though because I think this child as been a little spoiled. He is the only child in the family.
This week was his first "full" week and by full I mean 3 days this week that he was at the daycare. It was getting to me because he was there for the first time for two days in a row and that was just too much. He wouldn't eat for us, he would just keep screaming instead of playing, he would not sleep unless he was in a swing and not his bed, and so on. I kept thinking that there he was developmentally behind somehow but the more he spends time with us the better he is. He is a very smart boy and if he knows his parents will show up at a certain time then he will wait for them.
He would not eat breakfast or lunch for be at all and I couldn't get my brain to work for the life of me. I mean I have worked with these kinds of children before but my mind was not working until I said a prayer to God Weds. and Thursday night. All I asked for was patience and wisdom and peace so I could at least like this boy like I was suppose to. He might not be my favorite but I knew he could tell that I didn't like him yet so I wanted to hide that feeling I guess you could say. I knew I could I could get a long with a boy like this, I've done it before so that is why I prayed again.
Friday finally came and the little boy was at daycare. I was ready and full of energy for that day. Nothing was going to bring me down, not even that little boy. I was ready for the challenge of feeding him lunch again and then his afternoon snack and that is when my wisdom started to kick in. For lunch, he had some broccoli and a piece of bread. I sat beside him for a little bit and fed him but then I stopped. I just sat beside him and talked to him and played with him too for a little bit and he finally smiled and played back with him. He would keep waving at me and trying to give me food to eat too. He would also laugh and he has the cutest laugh ever! Then I would walk around and take care of the other children and go back every so often to check on him and play with him a little bit more and he would laugh at me and smile.
It was like we finally made a connection after all that praying. Well, really 2 nights of praying. It was like I saw something in his eyes when he was smiling and laughing. I felt that connection that I have felt before when God really wants me to connect with a child and I think this little boy might be a child just like that. It made the whole hard week worth it! Then at snack time we were trying to find him yogurt because his parents told us he liked it and he still would't eat it, even after 3 days with us trying to give it to him. An idea came to my mind about giving him little bites of graham crackers because they dissolve easily and it was something different for him to try instead of just yogurt and yogurt bites.
Graham crackers were the snack for the day anyways for all of the children so I asked for some and we started giving him some. Then the other assistant teacher had the idea of covering his yogurt with little pieces of graham crackers to see if he would eat the yogurt. Guess what? It did work! He seemed like he loved it because he was smiling again after every spoon full. It was a full day of accomplishments with him and I just love days like that. Where there is a tough child but yet you finally get through to them whether with or without parents. You are the caregiver now and they need to know that. Next two goals are: playing on the floor without crying and drinking from his bottle for us. We'll see how long those two things take. Hopefully, one thing a week and then he will be done and can play with the other children.
I was having a really hard week with one of my new children at work and it seemed a little hard to communicate to him and his parents. Why you might be asking? The answer is they are from India and they raise their children a little differently then we do here in the states. The parents said that the reason they are starting to bring their little boy to us is because they want him to get some interaction with other children, which I understand completely. It has been hard though because I think this child as been a little spoiled. He is the only child in the family.
This week was his first "full" week and by full I mean 3 days this week that he was at the daycare. It was getting to me because he was there for the first time for two days in a row and that was just too much. He wouldn't eat for us, he would just keep screaming instead of playing, he would not sleep unless he was in a swing and not his bed, and so on. I kept thinking that there he was developmentally behind somehow but the more he spends time with us the better he is. He is a very smart boy and if he knows his parents will show up at a certain time then he will wait for them.
He would not eat breakfast or lunch for be at all and I couldn't get my brain to work for the life of me. I mean I have worked with these kinds of children before but my mind was not working until I said a prayer to God Weds. and Thursday night. All I asked for was patience and wisdom and peace so I could at least like this boy like I was suppose to. He might not be my favorite but I knew he could tell that I didn't like him yet so I wanted to hide that feeling I guess you could say. I knew I could I could get a long with a boy like this, I've done it before so that is why I prayed again.
Friday finally came and the little boy was at daycare. I was ready and full of energy for that day. Nothing was going to bring me down, not even that little boy. I was ready for the challenge of feeding him lunch again and then his afternoon snack and that is when my wisdom started to kick in. For lunch, he had some broccoli and a piece of bread. I sat beside him for a little bit and fed him but then I stopped. I just sat beside him and talked to him and played with him too for a little bit and he finally smiled and played back with him. He would keep waving at me and trying to give me food to eat too. He would also laugh and he has the cutest laugh ever! Then I would walk around and take care of the other children and go back every so often to check on him and play with him a little bit more and he would laugh at me and smile.
It was like we finally made a connection after all that praying. Well, really 2 nights of praying. It was like I saw something in his eyes when he was smiling and laughing. I felt that connection that I have felt before when God really wants me to connect with a child and I think this little boy might be a child just like that. It made the whole hard week worth it! Then at snack time we were trying to find him yogurt because his parents told us he liked it and he still would't eat it, even after 3 days with us trying to give it to him. An idea came to my mind about giving him little bites of graham crackers because they dissolve easily and it was something different for him to try instead of just yogurt and yogurt bites.
Graham crackers were the snack for the day anyways for all of the children so I asked for some and we started giving him some. Then the other assistant teacher had the idea of covering his yogurt with little pieces of graham crackers to see if he would eat the yogurt. Guess what? It did work! He seemed like he loved it because he was smiling again after every spoon full. It was a full day of accomplishments with him and I just love days like that. Where there is a tough child but yet you finally get through to them whether with or without parents. You are the caregiver now and they need to know that. Next two goals are: playing on the floor without crying and drinking from his bottle for us. We'll see how long those two things take. Hopefully, one thing a week and then he will be done and can play with the other children.
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Anxiety-Desiring God
Here is just a little quote that I didn't want to forget about because it is a good reminder for me. I found it in an article about anxiety on the "Desiring God" website. I was going to write a bigger entry about what it meant to me but I think this will do since I have so many other entry ideas to write. The quote says:
"Hoping in God should give women such a confidence in God’s care that they are not afraid of anything so that their relationship towards their husband, is not governed by fear, but by humble wisdom. So they are making choices not because they are motivated by anxiety or fear to avoid certain things, but because of other factors of gracious wisdom, but not fear, because hoping in God has taken away that fear. "-John Piper
It is also by one of the famous authors of all time: John Piper. You have to know that it is a good one to remember and to think about when things get tough.
"Hoping in God should give women such a confidence in God’s care that they are not afraid of anything so that their relationship towards their husband, is not governed by fear, but by humble wisdom. So they are making choices not because they are motivated by anxiety or fear to avoid certain things, but because of other factors of gracious wisdom, but not fear, because hoping in God has taken away that fear. "-John Piper
It is also by one of the famous authors of all time: John Piper. You have to know that it is a good one to remember and to think about when things get tough.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Overflowing with the Holy Spirit
I just now getting to write this entry over a sermon that I heard about 3 weeks ago. During the sermon, the preacher gave me an idea. He kind of gave an outline about what he did to keep overflowing with the Holy Spirit so I thought I would share in more details what I did for myself to keep me in step with the Holy Spirit too. The preacher's steps were for everyone so they weren't that personal. They were like: a moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, and so on.
Here is my personal things that I do to keep overflowing with the Holy Spirit:
-Have a daily verse calendar that I look at every morning.
-Sometimes I do devos. in the morning for like 15 to 20 mins.
-Listen to Christian songs while I'm getting ready in the mornings.
-During my hour break, I take a walk outside and just look at God's Creation around
me.
-After work, sometimes if I have a Bible study, I would come home and do that for
about 30 mins. to a hour.
-Before I go to bed, that is when I talk to God.
What I need to get better at:
-Talking to God throughout my day whether it is asking for helping or thanking Him.
-Remembering and reciting the verses or thoughts that I read in the morning throughout
the day.
-Talking about God to other people.
-Focusing my thoughts on God and nothing else. That one seems to go back and forth for
me. Some days I would do fine and then it would go back to my mind on other things.
Those are just some of the things that I need to get better at. I know there are a lot more things that I could do to make my life all for God but that is all I can think about right now. I want my list of things that keep me overflowing with the Holy Spirit to be longer then it is. I want the things I need to get better at to move up to the other list. I think if I can do those things, maybe some of my worries will be gone and I can be happier and stay that way for more then a month. I know I could stop going back and forth on it for sure.
Here is my personal things that I do to keep overflowing with the Holy Spirit:
-Have a daily verse calendar that I look at every morning.
-Sometimes I do devos. in the morning for like 15 to 20 mins.
-Listen to Christian songs while I'm getting ready in the mornings.
-During my hour break, I take a walk outside and just look at God's Creation around
me.
-After work, sometimes if I have a Bible study, I would come home and do that for
about 30 mins. to a hour.
-Before I go to bed, that is when I talk to God.
What I need to get better at:
-Talking to God throughout my day whether it is asking for helping or thanking Him.
-Remembering and reciting the verses or thoughts that I read in the morning throughout
the day.
-Talking about God to other people.
-Focusing my thoughts on God and nothing else. That one seems to go back and forth for
me. Some days I would do fine and then it would go back to my mind on other things.
Those are just some of the things that I need to get better at. I know there are a lot more things that I could do to make my life all for God but that is all I can think about right now. I want my list of things that keep me overflowing with the Holy Spirit to be longer then it is. I want the things I need to get better at to move up to the other list. I think if I can do those things, maybe some of my worries will be gone and I can be happier and stay that way for more then a month. I know I could stop going back and forth on it for sure.
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
A Real Flashback
Yesterday morning was so strange for me. I felt like I was still working at my other job during the morning. It is so strange how it happened. I never had a "real" flashback that was so close to what the flashback was yesterday. My mind remembered everything and my body felt like it did back then. I, also, came home and did what I did back then. I stayed up and cried for a little while. I will admit that. I need to get over my other old job but after seeing what happened yesterday, it is going to be hard. I loved those kiddos and think about them often.
I thought about our "worse" child at my last job that I had to deal with almost by myself. We were going through changing at my old job when he was there and I was the "normal" everyday one there and he didn't like change so I had to take care of him. He didn't understand much and he really liked a routine that is another reason why I had to help him. I remember him screaming when he wanted something, throwing toys when he got mad, not wanting to be held when he first got there, and other things like that.
It became a joke between me and some of the staff that saw it but I even got ice cream thrown at me plus other food when he was done eating because that is the only way he knew how to "talk". He was still sitting in a high chair and hated it when he first got there. We had to fight him a couple of times until he got use to it. He came in and started to eat off the floor at first. He was hard to put to bed. Some nights I would just have to hold him tight and rock him. Then we found out that he likes to face outwards and be rocked with his blanket. It was just bad at the start but I loved him more then ever before he left.
We even tried some sign language with him like "all done" and "more". I swear the day before he left, he did say, "all done" to me after one snack time. Now I see another boy like it at a "plain" daycare and it just breaks my heart. He throws his spoon down, gets mad easily, bangs his head, and grunts instead of talking. I thought about the other boy at my old job yesterday morning and from then on I felt like I was working at my old job with that same boy. I felt that until my break so all morning and then it was back to routine at my new job.
I felt like I had to figure out how to handle him. My body was shaking and I was stressed out. I was happy that I had another challenge but at the same time stressed. I felt really sad too because just seeing any little kid act like that is sad because you know something is wrong. It felt like I was in a block where no one could help me or would understand what was going on. I talked to some of my new workers about the other kid at my old work a little bit but it is something that you just have to experience to really understand. I couldn't stop thinking about my little boy and how much this boy is close to him.
Some of the signs with my new little boy is: will only eat certain food, tightens up really tight when he cries, loves to sleep in the swings for us, and so on. He cannot grasp his food like he should. He throws his spoon down to get attention if he is in the high chair. He also leans in to get the food off of the spoon. He doesn't chew the food up and he as already choked twice with us watching. I might fill in more when I have time and as I spend more time with him.
I just pray and hope that my little boy is in a good family now and getting the help that he needs because he needed a lot of it. I'm going to try and help the boy I have now because he is a little calmer and he has parents that care, which is always a big help. I was honestly living another life and it was scary but at the same time I think it was God confirming something in my life. If I really care for children like this, then I should go on with my OT plan.
I thought about our "worse" child at my last job that I had to deal with almost by myself. We were going through changing at my old job when he was there and I was the "normal" everyday one there and he didn't like change so I had to take care of him. He didn't understand much and he really liked a routine that is another reason why I had to help him. I remember him screaming when he wanted something, throwing toys when he got mad, not wanting to be held when he first got there, and other things like that.
It became a joke between me and some of the staff that saw it but I even got ice cream thrown at me plus other food when he was done eating because that is the only way he knew how to "talk". He was still sitting in a high chair and hated it when he first got there. We had to fight him a couple of times until he got use to it. He came in and started to eat off the floor at first. He was hard to put to bed. Some nights I would just have to hold him tight and rock him. Then we found out that he likes to face outwards and be rocked with his blanket. It was just bad at the start but I loved him more then ever before he left.
We even tried some sign language with him like "all done" and "more". I swear the day before he left, he did say, "all done" to me after one snack time. Now I see another boy like it at a "plain" daycare and it just breaks my heart. He throws his spoon down, gets mad easily, bangs his head, and grunts instead of talking. I thought about the other boy at my old job yesterday morning and from then on I felt like I was working at my old job with that same boy. I felt that until my break so all morning and then it was back to routine at my new job.
I felt like I had to figure out how to handle him. My body was shaking and I was stressed out. I was happy that I had another challenge but at the same time stressed. I felt really sad too because just seeing any little kid act like that is sad because you know something is wrong. It felt like I was in a block where no one could help me or would understand what was going on. I talked to some of my new workers about the other kid at my old work a little bit but it is something that you just have to experience to really understand. I couldn't stop thinking about my little boy and how much this boy is close to him.
Some of the signs with my new little boy is: will only eat certain food, tightens up really tight when he cries, loves to sleep in the swings for us, and so on. He cannot grasp his food like he should. He throws his spoon down to get attention if he is in the high chair. He also leans in to get the food off of the spoon. He doesn't chew the food up and he as already choked twice with us watching. I might fill in more when I have time and as I spend more time with him.
I just pray and hope that my little boy is in a good family now and getting the help that he needs because he needed a lot of it. I'm going to try and help the boy I have now because he is a little calmer and he has parents that care, which is always a big help. I was honestly living another life and it was scary but at the same time I think it was God confirming something in my life. If I really care for children like this, then I should go on with my OT plan.
Friday, November 27, 2015
30 Days of Thankfulness
Here are the 30 things I was Thankful for in the month of Thanksgiving. I can say that it helped each day go easy because when I woke up I would think of something I was thankful for a write it on my Facebook. I would go back to that thing if I was having a hard day or the things before that I wrote. I would even write 2 or 3 things down in the same day and then when it was time for that date of the day I would write it down to remind me of what I was thankful for.
I was even thinking about keeping it going throughout December so I would be thankful all holiday season and maybe that would get me into the habit for the New Year. We will see how many days I go can into December and then I'll write an entry for that month.
Here is the 30 things I was thankful for in November for Thanksgiving:
-Day 1: I am thankful that I live in a small apartment.
-Day 2: I am thankful that I have a job that I love.
-Day 3: I am thankful that God provides even when I doubt.
-Day 4: I am thankful for my nieces.
-Day 5: I am thankful for the rain and the cool weather.
-Day 6: I am thankful for my family and childhood.
-Day 7: I am thankful for a church that feels homey.
-Day 8: I am thankful for my relationship with Christ.
-Day 9: I am thankful for health insurance.
-Day 10: I am thankful for my college degree and the college I got it from.
-Day 11: I am thankful that I live in the USA and for my grandpas.
-Day 12: I am thankful for my family.
-Day 13: I am thankful for a warm bed to sleep in.
-Day 14: I am thankful for the Hope I have in Christ.
-Day 15: I am thankful for answered prayers.
-Day 16: I am thankful for God's transforming grace.
-Day 17: I am thankful for AR being my 2nd home state.
-Day 18: I am thankful for being a part of a great women's Bible study.
-Day 19: I am thankful for my nephews
-Day 20: I am thankful for my car even if it does make noises.
-Day 21: I am thankful for an unchanging God.
-Day 22: I am thankful for walks outside.
-Day 23: I am thankful that I had a great farmer in my life.
-Day 24: I am thankful for my country side.
-Day 25: I am thankful that I get a day off for Thanksgiving this year.
-Day 26: I am thankful for the food that we have to eat.
-Day 27: I am thankful that I only have to work a half a day after Thanksgiving.
-Day 28: I am thankful for the worrying of money that I got from my grandma because it
helps me save money.
-Day 29: I am thankful for the cards that I get in the mail because it reminds my of my
grandmas.
-Day 30: I am thankful for the small steps that we should take in life to get to the bigger
picture. It is a lot easier that way!
This was all the things I was thankful for this month and still are. There might be more things coming with the next month so keep an eye out for Part 2. :)
I was even thinking about keeping it going throughout December so I would be thankful all holiday season and maybe that would get me into the habit for the New Year. We will see how many days I go can into December and then I'll write an entry for that month.
Here is the 30 things I was thankful for in November for Thanksgiving:
-Day 1: I am thankful that I live in a small apartment.
-Day 2: I am thankful that I have a job that I love.
-Day 3: I am thankful that God provides even when I doubt.
-Day 4: I am thankful for my nieces.
-Day 5: I am thankful for the rain and the cool weather.
-Day 6: I am thankful for my family and childhood.
-Day 7: I am thankful for a church that feels homey.
-Day 8: I am thankful for my relationship with Christ.
-Day 9: I am thankful for health insurance.
-Day 10: I am thankful for my college degree and the college I got it from.
-Day 11: I am thankful that I live in the USA and for my grandpas.
-Day 12: I am thankful for my family.
-Day 13: I am thankful for a warm bed to sleep in.
-Day 14: I am thankful for the Hope I have in Christ.
-Day 15: I am thankful for answered prayers.
-Day 16: I am thankful for God's transforming grace.
-Day 17: I am thankful for AR being my 2nd home state.
-Day 18: I am thankful for being a part of a great women's Bible study.
-Day 19: I am thankful for my nephews
-Day 20: I am thankful for my car even if it does make noises.
-Day 21: I am thankful for an unchanging God.
-Day 22: I am thankful for walks outside.
-Day 23: I am thankful that I had a great farmer in my life.
-Day 24: I am thankful for my country side.
-Day 25: I am thankful that I get a day off for Thanksgiving this year.
-Day 26: I am thankful for the food that we have to eat.
-Day 27: I am thankful that I only have to work a half a day after Thanksgiving.
-Day 28: I am thankful for the worrying of money that I got from my grandma because it
helps me save money.
-Day 29: I am thankful for the cards that I get in the mail because it reminds my of my
grandmas.
-Day 30: I am thankful for the small steps that we should take in life to get to the bigger
picture. It is a lot easier that way!
This was all the things I was thankful for this month and still are. There might be more things coming with the next month so keep an eye out for Part 2. :)
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Missing the Stories
I called this entry "Missing the Stories" because I do miss the stories from my last job. Some of them were sad but at the same time they showed me how blessed I was with the things I have. Sometimes the stories were funny stories too because the children had great minds. I just think about all the stories I heard, I read, and I told them too and it just still breaks my heart but I am making some new stories at my new jobs. There are stories about my co-workers instead of the children but still it is neat and sad to hear them depending on what we are talking about.
I love hearing about people's lives eespically when their lives are different then yours. It is getting down to that deeper part of getting to know the people. The part that I love to get at because I am a listener at heart and I like to learn all the time, which you do learn when you listen to stories. I, kind of, have a story here that I would like to write like I always do on here but it is more of a memory then anything.
Don't get me wrong I love having Thanksgiving off and then half of the Friday after off but it is so hard to have it off when you haven't had it off for 2 years. When you have spent the last 2 years with children that don't have a family for Thanksgiving. This year is has probably been the hardest on me and I've probably had the most mixed feelings in this year then ever in my life. More confused then ever. I love my new job and it is just what I wanted but I miss the children I use to be a "mom" or "sister" too especially on the holidays.
We wouldn't do anything big but have a Thanksgiving dinner because preschoolers really don't get the idea of it yet or these preschoolers didn't. I've always thought that I was living two lives when I worked at my old job and I was but at the same time I miss doing that. I think it is just know that I know the experience and I know that there are really children out there without a family to enjoy the holidays with, it just breaks my heart all over again. I'm thinking about some of my special children form that special place and just crying my eyes out and praying that they have a decent "real" family or foster family to spend the holidays with.
There are 3 kids that I am thinking about right now and wish I could know how they are doing. I'm the tempted to look in my children's book and remember and thank God for all the good times I had with them. My good years at that job. I love the "normal" children I have right now and I will love my own if I ever have any. The question that I am asking now and it will be new when the time comes is: Will I love my own more then I loved the children at my last job? Right now, that is a love in my life that I can't explain along with another love but that love is still growing and being tested right now. I will say that the children are still winning it. :)
If you read this tonight or on Thanksgiving Day, just remember that you are blessed to have a family to eat with and hang out with on a holiday. Some children don't and that is very sad. Not to bring down your Thanksgiving Day but really be thankful for the things you do have. If I could have any rule over "Black Friday", after everything I have been through this year, I would say "No" to it for everyone because no material things can replace the love of family and friends. Sometimes I think, as human beings, we get caught up in thinking they do. This year, I'm not scared to say, would probably be my most thankful year up to date right now.
Ok. I'm done being on the soapbox with my passions, which mean I am done crying for now.
I love hearing about people's lives eespically when their lives are different then yours. It is getting down to that deeper part of getting to know the people. The part that I love to get at because I am a listener at heart and I like to learn all the time, which you do learn when you listen to stories. I, kind of, have a story here that I would like to write like I always do on here but it is more of a memory then anything.
Don't get me wrong I love having Thanksgiving off and then half of the Friday after off but it is so hard to have it off when you haven't had it off for 2 years. When you have spent the last 2 years with children that don't have a family for Thanksgiving. This year is has probably been the hardest on me and I've probably had the most mixed feelings in this year then ever in my life. More confused then ever. I love my new job and it is just what I wanted but I miss the children I use to be a "mom" or "sister" too especially on the holidays.
We wouldn't do anything big but have a Thanksgiving dinner because preschoolers really don't get the idea of it yet or these preschoolers didn't. I've always thought that I was living two lives when I worked at my old job and I was but at the same time I miss doing that. I think it is just know that I know the experience and I know that there are really children out there without a family to enjoy the holidays with, it just breaks my heart all over again. I'm thinking about some of my special children form that special place and just crying my eyes out and praying that they have a decent "real" family or foster family to spend the holidays with.
There are 3 kids that I am thinking about right now and wish I could know how they are doing. I'm the tempted to look in my children's book and remember and thank God for all the good times I had with them. My good years at that job. I love the "normal" children I have right now and I will love my own if I ever have any. The question that I am asking now and it will be new when the time comes is: Will I love my own more then I loved the children at my last job? Right now, that is a love in my life that I can't explain along with another love but that love is still growing and being tested right now. I will say that the children are still winning it. :)
If you read this tonight or on Thanksgiving Day, just remember that you are blessed to have a family to eat with and hang out with on a holiday. Some children don't and that is very sad. Not to bring down your Thanksgiving Day but really be thankful for the things you do have. If I could have any rule over "Black Friday", after everything I have been through this year, I would say "No" to it for everyone because no material things can replace the love of family and friends. Sometimes I think, as human beings, we get caught up in thinking they do. This year, I'm not scared to say, would probably be my most thankful year up to date right now.
Ok. I'm done being on the soapbox with my passions, which mean I am done crying for now.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Sharing Small Christmas Traditions
I was talking to a co-worker about what Christmas traditions I do and how I decorate the Christmas because she is putting one up for the first time this year. I got really hot and shakey and I probably even blushed but it is because I talked for the first time about something that I never thought I would have to talk about without the person by my side. It was the first time that I talked about my Grandma and her Christmas traditions without her living. I got through the talking with my co-worker without crying but then I came home and cried about it.
This Christmas is going to be really different and so hard without any grandparents to go visit. That got me thinking about the step by step and day by day that we need to live and do things. I started to ask a lot of questions to God during my quite time and here are some of the questions:
-What are the simplest little things in my life?
-What little, simplest step by step thing do I need to pray for?
It is taking that little, simplest thing that matters most to you and praying that something big will come out of it. It is trusting that God will turn it into a bigger thing. Pray like that and surely you will overflow with the Holy Spirit but don't take my work for it.
I'm going to have to give some of this credit to a friend of mine because seeing my friend praying for the simplest and smallest thing and then seeing God answer it hours later is really encouraging. I will say it might be some little nonsense thing to me or someone else but it means the world to my friend. I, honestly, think too that when you pray for the smaller steps first, you will be encouraged more and what to keep going for the bigger picture. You will want to see what God has in store for you. Instead, of trying by yourself to get there because it is so much work to do it all in "one day" or even year.
How can you start praying in the small steps? What is a goal that you want to reach? I have a couple for me and I will share them. I want to get my Master's in OT and I want to get married and have a family.
Getting my Master's:
-getting one class/semester done at a time.
-getting each paper filled out.
-getting into the program.
-getting through the Master's program and not stopping.
And even then those small steps can get broken down and more specific even. I just don't want to share my whole life plan on here.
You might be asking me, "What does this have to do with your grandma and the Christmas traditions she had. My grandma had a traditions of giving each of her grandkids a Christmas tree ortrament either before Christmas or on Christmas. That was a little thing that made a huge difference because she would write Bible verses somewhere on them with paint sticks. She was probably hoping we would look them up but I never did, which I regret now but I am thinking about doing that this year. That tradition was a small thing but thinking on it now, I am going to miss it this year. Small things really do have a special meaning behind them most of the time so when you pray for the small things, maybe those small things will be a bigger blessing then the bigger things. Get it?
I understand that we might think that praying for the future would be easier, especially if you are a planner like me but all it does is gets us worried about it instead of living for the present. We miss what we could be doing now in our lives and the lives of others. It, kind of, goes along with that praying every moment of the day concept that some people have, which I love and want to get to in my relationship with the Lord. Maybe if you want to get there too, you can start by praying for the small steps during your long quite time with the Lord and then go from there?
Just something else to encourage you to, hopefully, get closer to the Lord.
This Christmas is going to be really different and so hard without any grandparents to go visit. That got me thinking about the step by step and day by day that we need to live and do things. I started to ask a lot of questions to God during my quite time and here are some of the questions:
-What are the simplest little things in my life?
-What little, simplest step by step thing do I need to pray for?
It is taking that little, simplest thing that matters most to you and praying that something big will come out of it. It is trusting that God will turn it into a bigger thing. Pray like that and surely you will overflow with the Holy Spirit but don't take my work for it.
I'm going to have to give some of this credit to a friend of mine because seeing my friend praying for the simplest and smallest thing and then seeing God answer it hours later is really encouraging. I will say it might be some little nonsense thing to me or someone else but it means the world to my friend. I, honestly, think too that when you pray for the smaller steps first, you will be encouraged more and what to keep going for the bigger picture. You will want to see what God has in store for you. Instead, of trying by yourself to get there because it is so much work to do it all in "one day" or even year.
How can you start praying in the small steps? What is a goal that you want to reach? I have a couple for me and I will share them. I want to get my Master's in OT and I want to get married and have a family.
Getting my Master's:
-getting one class/semester done at a time.
-getting each paper filled out.
-getting into the program.
-getting through the Master's program and not stopping.
And even then those small steps can get broken down and more specific even. I just don't want to share my whole life plan on here.
You might be asking me, "What does this have to do with your grandma and the Christmas traditions she had. My grandma had a traditions of giving each of her grandkids a Christmas tree ortrament either before Christmas or on Christmas. That was a little thing that made a huge difference because she would write Bible verses somewhere on them with paint sticks. She was probably hoping we would look them up but I never did, which I regret now but I am thinking about doing that this year. That tradition was a small thing but thinking on it now, I am going to miss it this year. Small things really do have a special meaning behind them most of the time so when you pray for the small things, maybe those small things will be a bigger blessing then the bigger things. Get it?
I understand that we might think that praying for the future would be easier, especially if you are a planner like me but all it does is gets us worried about it instead of living for the present. We miss what we could be doing now in our lives and the lives of others. It, kind of, goes along with that praying every moment of the day concept that some people have, which I love and want to get to in my relationship with the Lord. Maybe if you want to get there too, you can start by praying for the small steps during your long quite time with the Lord and then go from there?
Just something else to encourage you to, hopefully, get closer to the Lord.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Prayer, Prayer, Prayer
I got this idea/outline of how I want to pray from a friend. It was really encouraging to see a friend pray like this and actually talk about what happened after the prayer they prayed. I love to see answers to pray, even when it is the simplest of prayers, which this prayer was. It is what my friend wanted and God felt like it was okay to give it. These "points" are just want caught me off guard when I was listening to my friend's encouragement. There are 3 points that my friend made:
-God's Will be done
-For His Glory
-In His Name
-Everyday for the simple things.
The End of the points.
Then I added this point since it is what I learned Saturday night at church:
-Overflowing with the Holy Spirit.
How I am hoping to use those points is to write them down and then follow them by a prayer request that I really want or need. Because you can pray something like "God's Will be done" in this certain situation or for the day. I want to be patience today so I can get things done for "His Glory" and so on.
-God's Will be done
-For His Glory
-In His Name
-Everyday for the simple things.
The End of the points.
Then I added this point since it is what I learned Saturday night at church:
-Overflowing with the Holy Spirit.
How I am hoping to use those points is to write them down and then follow them by a prayer request that I really want or need. Because you can pray something like "God's Will be done" in this certain situation or for the day. I want to be patience today so I can get things done for "His Glory" and so on.
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Home Vs. Truck
I will write this entry because I have been thinking a lot about the difference between women and men. Just seeing some of the things my guy friends are interested really makes me see how different we really are in our gender differences if that makes any sense at all. I call this entry "Home Vs. Truck" because that is the first thing that I thought about that was different between women and men but then this past week I had another thought. What about "Children Vs. Outdoors" or "Children Vs. Hunting/Fishing" or "Home Vs. Shed". It could go on and on.
The idea of this entry is just to help other women see that as women and men we have different hobbies and we were made to run different things in this world but that doesn't mean that we cannot work together and accomplish somethings. I got the "Home Vs. Truck" idea when I was in the Bible Study called "Called to be a Keeper" and I was learning more about the call that God has called me to do, which is be the Keeper of the home and children. Read through the Bible and you will find that God made women to be that way.
You will also find that God made the man to be the leader of the household, just like He is the leader of the Church. Women, submitting to them doesn't mean you have to do everything they say but you do have to ask them to see what they think. Now don't let that be your final answer because God always give you the final answer so pray to Him too about things but it is about being together in a home and in a marriage. It is about being on the same page but yet being different so we don't get bored with each other so quickly.
I don't want to go into too much detail because I'm not good at advice giving especially about guys but women we have to know who we are truly in Christ. We have to know that God did make us for the home, children, family, comfort, and so on. We are the ones that need to be the nurturing ones and caring ones. We are the ones that need to be around most of the time. Now I get that it would be great for the man to be around to but we can't get mad at him if he is out providing for the family because that is His God-given job.
I wish I would have seen the home vs. truck comparison in high school. It would have made so much sense back then and I wouldn't have been so stressed out with the guys in my class. It is strange that I can see that in my life right now. Here I am working with children whether at a shelter or a preschool. Right now, I'm even taken care of the infants at the preschool I am at now. Yet I see some of my guy friend going out and providing for their wives or even still yet family. Not only are they providing money and other things like that they are being the leader in their business in some way and form, whether it is the Founder or a boss in some company or some part of the company or the highest office in that section of the company.
They are taking on that leadership role to get use to being the leader like they are suppose to be. If they can take charge of a group of people, then can't they take "charge" of a family and provide for them. I know I might have used some wording that will stop people from reading this entry and that people won't agree with but if you take the time to really think about it in other ways with other words that it is easy for you to understand then do that. This is just how I understand the God given roles of a husband (man) and wife (women). This is what I learn and see and this is what I stay by and want, even if it is old style nowadays. I can still hope. Can't I?
The idea of this entry is just to help other women see that as women and men we have different hobbies and we were made to run different things in this world but that doesn't mean that we cannot work together and accomplish somethings. I got the "Home Vs. Truck" idea when I was in the Bible Study called "Called to be a Keeper" and I was learning more about the call that God has called me to do, which is be the Keeper of the home and children. Read through the Bible and you will find that God made women to be that way.
You will also find that God made the man to be the leader of the household, just like He is the leader of the Church. Women, submitting to them doesn't mean you have to do everything they say but you do have to ask them to see what they think. Now don't let that be your final answer because God always give you the final answer so pray to Him too about things but it is about being together in a home and in a marriage. It is about being on the same page but yet being different so we don't get bored with each other so quickly.
I don't want to go into too much detail because I'm not good at advice giving especially about guys but women we have to know who we are truly in Christ. We have to know that God did make us for the home, children, family, comfort, and so on. We are the ones that need to be the nurturing ones and caring ones. We are the ones that need to be around most of the time. Now I get that it would be great for the man to be around to but we can't get mad at him if he is out providing for the family because that is His God-given job.
I wish I would have seen the home vs. truck comparison in high school. It would have made so much sense back then and I wouldn't have been so stressed out with the guys in my class. It is strange that I can see that in my life right now. Here I am working with children whether at a shelter or a preschool. Right now, I'm even taken care of the infants at the preschool I am at now. Yet I see some of my guy friend going out and providing for their wives or even still yet family. Not only are they providing money and other things like that they are being the leader in their business in some way and form, whether it is the Founder or a boss in some company or some part of the company or the highest office in that section of the company.
They are taking on that leadership role to get use to being the leader like they are suppose to be. If they can take charge of a group of people, then can't they take "charge" of a family and provide for them. I know I might have used some wording that will stop people from reading this entry and that people won't agree with but if you take the time to really think about it in other ways with other words that it is easy for you to understand then do that. This is just how I understand the God given roles of a husband (man) and wife (women). This is what I learn and see and this is what I stay by and want, even if it is old style nowadays. I can still hope. Can't I?
Friday, November 20, 2015
Stop Depriving-1 Cor. 7:5
Sorry that I am just now writing another entry. I know it has been awhile since I wrote one but I have been really busy with work and family things. This is something very special that I came across during one of my work breaks this week and I just had to share. I came across it because I have been feeling this certain feeling and I wanted to know why I was feeling the way I was. I was so confused at first but then finding this verse helped me a little to sort out those feelings. Here is the verse and a meaning on one word in the verse:
This verse really means a lot to me. Why is God, all of the sudden, showing it to me when I've needed it all my life. It talks about stop taking enjoyment away from other people. Devote to prayer and them turn back if God is willing. I've been depriving myself and my guy friends of fun things because I have been worrying. I've been saying things that seem fine but when I really think about them, they're not. It is funny or strange how a guy friend will tell me to back off nicely. It makes me rethink my actions and prayer a little deeper.
If they are only a crush, like in high school, then I forget about them completely. The close guy friends I have noticed a lot lately that I hate to take whatever they are enjoying away from them by bothering them. It is such a good and happy feeling for me to see them happy and having a blast at what they love what they do. I would rather be devoted in prayer for them then messing up their enjoyment.
Another big word is "agreement" in the verse. I would rather be in agreement and on the same page with them because that is one way to stop worrying all the time of them. I just love to see the joy on people's faces when we don't deprive them of the things they love. Do you think that is what's wrong with today's marriages? They are self centered instead of God-centered, then other person/partner centered like they are suppose to be. People need their own things to enjoy because if we were all the same, the world wouldn't be a fun place to live.
So why try to change someone into a person we want them to be or like you? How can that make things fun? That would get so boring pretty fast, I would think. The message here, I think, is: Just to love the person that God made you to be, who God made your friends to be, who God made your partner be, and the people around you to be.
"Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."-Corinthians 7:5
Deprive-"To remove or withhold something from the enjoyment or possession of (a person or persons)
If they are only a crush, like in high school, then I forget about them completely. The close guy friends I have noticed a lot lately that I hate to take whatever they are enjoying away from them by bothering them. It is such a good and happy feeling for me to see them happy and having a blast at what they love what they do. I would rather be devoted in prayer for them then messing up their enjoyment.
Another big word is "agreement" in the verse. I would rather be in agreement and on the same page with them because that is one way to stop worrying all the time of them. I just love to see the joy on people's faces when we don't deprive them of the things they love. Do you think that is what's wrong with today's marriages? They are self centered instead of God-centered, then other person/partner centered like they are suppose to be. People need their own things to enjoy because if we were all the same, the world wouldn't be a fun place to live.
So why try to change someone into a person we want them to be or like you? How can that make things fun? That would get so boring pretty fast, I would think. The message here, I think, is: Just to love the person that God made you to be, who God made your friends to be, who God made your partner be, and the people around you to be.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
I HATE Change
This year, even these past few months, have had a lot of changes going on for me and I don't like them. I don't like change period. I hate it with a passion. I know it is funny to hear this from a women you wanted to travel like a missionary for awhile but now I see I hate it and couldn't live with it. I think I just had too much in my life as a little girl that I want to stay in one place and settle there. I am ready to settle with job and house and just start a real life.
With grandparents passing away and jobs changing, these past two years, I noticed I don't like changes at all. It was job after job changing different positions in those jobs. I just want to be in one position for more then 6 months. I'm really not liking the childcare field, the more I spend time in it. It is so much changing and not settling. I just want to be hired in one position with my degree that I spent 5 years getting and stay in that spot.
As a child, growing up, I know I never did like changes, even the littlest of things would get me worked up, stressed out, or/and worried about the future. I could never handle changes good and as much as I hate to admit it, I would cry while the changes happened. Like tonight, I came home and cried because I was so stressed out from work, trying to be the lead, and felt unworthy of or just that all my energy was gone. I don't know what it is in me but if I had to be in charge on a team, I know this might sound bad, but it would stressed me out. Now if I can start as a lead somewhere and grow and get use to things that might be better.
Not only does the change bother me but I think the not knowing what is going to happen next or who is going to be in the position that someone is looking for next kills me too. I am a very routine person so I get children who like their routine but get upset when it is messed up. I am that way still as an adult. It just seems like I get in the groove or routine with someone and then that someone goes away or I move to a different position or sometimes I live the job.
I think that I need a job that I can stick with and make times on my own. A job where I can talk to people when and if I need to. Not be there at any certain time unless I schedule it. I know this sounds bad but not to depend on any other person either. I am very introverted and that how I was made and am. I just need to learn and see that. It's not that I don't like people but I'm not the kind of person that can make work friends to go hang out with after work or just at work. I am the kind of person who likes to have those deep friendships that will be there and I can be sure they will be there even after I move on from that job.
You could also say that I might be very professional because I don't think friends should be a work things. I mean yeah, you could talk about what is going on at work but then what else? I don't want to get my personal life and my work life mixed up because sometimes work is where I go to forget about my personal life if that makes sense. I want to be there for the children and play with them and pay attention to them instead of talking about life. Sorry, if it sounds rude but that is how I feel right now until I find that job where I feel like I can settle down and trust the people I am around.
I think a lot of these feelings are just because of the change in my life since I have moved to AR. Friends have been changing, jobs have been changing even positions within jobs, and my mind have been changing about my future and what I want to do. I'm just ready to settled but I need to feel comfortable of where I will settled and about how I will settle. Right now, I don't feel either one of those where I am in life now. I do need to change more and I am working on that but for now I want things that are now to stay the same and no more changing. Why? Because I HATE change! Always have and always will! Unless it is something that I dreamed about for ages that is coming true or something that I really, really can't do without.
It might grow you in ways but I think for me a lot of times it holds me back because I feel like I can't grow if I don't need to grow. If I just need to use the same things that I have been using for years around me then my thought is why grow or why learn new things? Why learn if I'm going to stay in the childcare field? Why learn if I'm just going to be an assistant teacher for the rest of my life? Why be adventurous if I'm just going to stay in MO or AR for the rest of my life? Get it? I might be smart and very creative but why show it when I can get by with the same things over and over and that is all that humans see in me. How can I make others see that I have more to offer?
With grandparents passing away and jobs changing, these past two years, I noticed I don't like changes at all. It was job after job changing different positions in those jobs. I just want to be in one position for more then 6 months. I'm really not liking the childcare field, the more I spend time in it. It is so much changing and not settling. I just want to be hired in one position with my degree that I spent 5 years getting and stay in that spot.
As a child, growing up, I know I never did like changes, even the littlest of things would get me worked up, stressed out, or/and worried about the future. I could never handle changes good and as much as I hate to admit it, I would cry while the changes happened. Like tonight, I came home and cried because I was so stressed out from work, trying to be the lead, and felt unworthy of or just that all my energy was gone. I don't know what it is in me but if I had to be in charge on a team, I know this might sound bad, but it would stressed me out. Now if I can start as a lead somewhere and grow and get use to things that might be better.
Not only does the change bother me but I think the not knowing what is going to happen next or who is going to be in the position that someone is looking for next kills me too. I am a very routine person so I get children who like their routine but get upset when it is messed up. I am that way still as an adult. It just seems like I get in the groove or routine with someone and then that someone goes away or I move to a different position or sometimes I live the job.
I think that I need a job that I can stick with and make times on my own. A job where I can talk to people when and if I need to. Not be there at any certain time unless I schedule it. I know this sounds bad but not to depend on any other person either. I am very introverted and that how I was made and am. I just need to learn and see that. It's not that I don't like people but I'm not the kind of person that can make work friends to go hang out with after work or just at work. I am the kind of person who likes to have those deep friendships that will be there and I can be sure they will be there even after I move on from that job.
You could also say that I might be very professional because I don't think friends should be a work things. I mean yeah, you could talk about what is going on at work but then what else? I don't want to get my personal life and my work life mixed up because sometimes work is where I go to forget about my personal life if that makes sense. I want to be there for the children and play with them and pay attention to them instead of talking about life. Sorry, if it sounds rude but that is how I feel right now until I find that job where I feel like I can settle down and trust the people I am around.
I think a lot of these feelings are just because of the change in my life since I have moved to AR. Friends have been changing, jobs have been changing even positions within jobs, and my mind have been changing about my future and what I want to do. I'm just ready to settled but I need to feel comfortable of where I will settled and about how I will settle. Right now, I don't feel either one of those where I am in life now. I do need to change more and I am working on that but for now I want things that are now to stay the same and no more changing. Why? Because I HATE change! Always have and always will! Unless it is something that I dreamed about for ages that is coming true or something that I really, really can't do without.
It might grow you in ways but I think for me a lot of times it holds me back because I feel like I can't grow if I don't need to grow. If I just need to use the same things that I have been using for years around me then my thought is why grow or why learn new things? Why learn if I'm going to stay in the childcare field? Why learn if I'm just going to be an assistant teacher for the rest of my life? Why be adventurous if I'm just going to stay in MO or AR for the rest of my life? Get it? I might be smart and very creative but why show it when I can get by with the same things over and over and that is all that humans see in me. How can I make others see that I have more to offer?
Sunday, November 15, 2015
House Full of Verses
I came up with this title after going over to someone else's house and seeing how many Bible verses they had up around their house and all the different ways they had them up. It was the week of the Bible study that I am in where we are called to make a home and we went over to another person's house to see what making a Christ centered home felt like and looked like. I got a lot of neat ideas from that home to use someday in my main home but then I came back to my small apartment and looked around.
I was thinking that I wanted to do the verses they way this person did them in her home. They were big on her walls and very pretty. There were wall hangings all around with verses or even nice, encouraging sayings on them. I was jealous at first because being a FACS major I love that kind of stuff and I've wanted my own big house ever since I got done with college. It is just a part of who I am and how I was raised but then I got to looking around in my small apartment. As I was looking around it, I got to thinking that right now at this moment in my life it does fit me just fine.
It fits me because it is only me that I have to worry about living in it. I can make it feel like however I want to but I do want to start with a little of what I would want my big dream home to look and feel like and it does because of the things I have. I mean it is rustic in its colors and could be considered cabin, outdoors type with all the bears I have sitting around. I have dark colors but they go do with a light tan and that is the colors of the apartment's walls so I have been thinking a little for my future home.
Something else hit me after seeing that home during the Bible study and it was the Bible verses all over the place and having a room being for a certain thing and only that thing. I came home that night and of course went to sleep. Then I woke up the next morning and just started to look around my apartment before work and some thoughts came to my mind. One thought was: "I would love to have more big verses up on the walls and in a prettier way then I have them now but at least I have some up where I can see them throughout the day." By that I mean, I have some pretty pictures that have verses or sayings on them hanging up in frames but most of the verses are written on notecards and hung around my apartment on the doors or on the cabinets.
The notecards are mainly one single one with one verse on them but I also have 2 packets of notecards with verses about a certain feeling, like when I'm anxious I can look at that packet, hanging up by my bedroom door. Then I have another packet of notecards with verses by my outside door. Not only do I put verses on notecards and then hang them up around the apartment but I also write verses on all the mirrors I have in my apartment. I try to have two monthly ones that I leave up for a month on my bathroom mirror and my dresser mirror. Those are the main places that I get ready in the morning for the day so that is a easy way to help me memorize some verses.
So whether I like to think of it or not, I do have a house full of verses and if people were to come into my apartment I hope they would read those verses and ask questions about them. I hope that it would get them to start thinking about their life or just be comforted during a hard time. It is not that pretty yet but that doesn't matter as long as I can memorize them right now and live them outside of my apartment. If people ever come over, they can at least read them too.
It is not about how it is to show the word written out but it is about how we show it by living out our lives outside of our houses. Yes, it is a plus and a easier way to start talking about Jesus and the Bible if we have it around our house but we don't need to be set on doing it in a certain way to where it looks more important then the verses themselves.
I was thinking that I wanted to do the verses they way this person did them in her home. They were big on her walls and very pretty. There were wall hangings all around with verses or even nice, encouraging sayings on them. I was jealous at first because being a FACS major I love that kind of stuff and I've wanted my own big house ever since I got done with college. It is just a part of who I am and how I was raised but then I got to looking around in my small apartment. As I was looking around it, I got to thinking that right now at this moment in my life it does fit me just fine.
It fits me because it is only me that I have to worry about living in it. I can make it feel like however I want to but I do want to start with a little of what I would want my big dream home to look and feel like and it does because of the things I have. I mean it is rustic in its colors and could be considered cabin, outdoors type with all the bears I have sitting around. I have dark colors but they go do with a light tan and that is the colors of the apartment's walls so I have been thinking a little for my future home.
Something else hit me after seeing that home during the Bible study and it was the Bible verses all over the place and having a room being for a certain thing and only that thing. I came home that night and of course went to sleep. Then I woke up the next morning and just started to look around my apartment before work and some thoughts came to my mind. One thought was: "I would love to have more big verses up on the walls and in a prettier way then I have them now but at least I have some up where I can see them throughout the day." By that I mean, I have some pretty pictures that have verses or sayings on them hanging up in frames but most of the verses are written on notecards and hung around my apartment on the doors or on the cabinets.
The notecards are mainly one single one with one verse on them but I also have 2 packets of notecards with verses about a certain feeling, like when I'm anxious I can look at that packet, hanging up by my bedroom door. Then I have another packet of notecards with verses by my outside door. Not only do I put verses on notecards and then hang them up around the apartment but I also write verses on all the mirrors I have in my apartment. I try to have two monthly ones that I leave up for a month on my bathroom mirror and my dresser mirror. Those are the main places that I get ready in the morning for the day so that is a easy way to help me memorize some verses.
So whether I like to think of it or not, I do have a house full of verses and if people were to come into my apartment I hope they would read those verses and ask questions about them. I hope that it would get them to start thinking about their life or just be comforted during a hard time. It is not that pretty yet but that doesn't matter as long as I can memorize them right now and live them outside of my apartment. If people ever come over, they can at least read them too.
It is not about how it is to show the word written out but it is about how we show it by living out our lives outside of our houses. Yes, it is a plus and a easier way to start talking about Jesus and the Bible if we have it around our house but we don't need to be set on doing it in a certain way to where it looks more important then the verses themselves.
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