TN Trip with the Girls

    Well, I am back from Nashville, TN. Really don't want to be back and start reality again but I have to. It was such an amazing and relaxing trip! It was just so great to get away from everything and just be with my college friends again and be reminded of how much fun college was. I was thinking when we were driving back home that I should talk to them more and not just them but other people that I live around that went to college when I was there. I'm a new person since I graduated college. I'm not the same as I use to be at all. I've had chances I never thought I would have and so on.
      Anyways, this trip with the girls made me realize who I really am again and who I should be. We are all friends because we have things in common and besides believing in Christ, which is our main thing, it is also helping children and just being and living in the same state. It is having that closeness in community and with the children. It is all about having that one on one so you can really help those in need. It is about wanting to be a stay at home mom and doing it. It is about having the same goals even though you are miles away from each other and care enough to get together ever so often. It is about having that same fun times in college and then looking back at them and laughing.
       Just being with the girls and listening to them talk reminded me what it means to have true friendships and just be open and having fun with your friends. I was so ate peace and relax while on the trip with them. I didn't worry about a thing and I learned a lot about myself and them. I could even take it other things while relaxing in a quite place. Being in the city, just stresses me out and I can't think at times about what I should say or how to say it or what to do next. Everything I did on the trip made perfect sense to me at least and it seemed to come naturally. It also made me see that we might be together through everything at that would be amazing if we can stay that close. Through each others' weddings, through every birth of every baby we have, and so on.
       If you are reading this, you might think it is strange but it isn't. Whether a friendship or a relationship with the opposite side, you need to share feelings and be able to enjoy each other's time together or apart. I just saw things in a whole new light since I haven't been on a long trip with the girls ever since college ended and I do regret that big time. Never missing another one again. Seeing how their lives are changing have really encouraged me to do some changing in my life too. Yeah, I might be able to try things out and see what I like best as a job with my degree, which is great but I need a degree to settle down with too. Working at different jobs to see what I like best is a blessing in its own way from my college. Not have a certain degree is a blessing too. I didn't get a college degree just to get looked down on throughout my life with anything that I do. If people won't take me seriously, then they don't need my ideas. That is how I should feel because I have the degree.
       Sometimes, I down size myself thinking that I need to be humble and quite because I'm not in charge or I haven't been at a place for a long time but do I really need to be that way. Yes, I will take into people's ideas but I don't have to change what I do or think. It might sound like I'm a big person and that is why I hate to think that way but someone needs to stand up when others won't. I have really thought lately since I graduated college that people are not taking me and my degree seriously. It is a hard way to live because I go home every night just stressing about things that I could have done that I didn't or that someone could have done after I gave them my suggestion but they didn't. It is like sharing your ideas and then not getting a response of any kind back ever or really, really late.
       They know that I am passionate about the children or that I am a hard worker but they never look pass that. Which being passionate and hardworking are good things but those are not the only things that make me me. I have a lot more to me then people think I do. I just have a hard time getting it out so when I write it or espically say it out loud then I mean it.
      One more thing about my phsyical and mental health while on the trip. I stayed up so late at night because I couldn't go to sleep. That you might think is a bad thing but it wasn't. It was a really good thing because it meant I wasn't sleepy or thinking about things. I can honestly say for the first time in a long time that my mind was clear and empty of thoughts. It was a peace. I would try to think of things while laying down to go to sleep and I couldn't. I would stay up and do things until I was really sleepy. Even though my legs were restless, my mind was at peace and that was a good thing. I can't win all the way around but I would rather of my legs be restless then thinking about the things that I think about most of the time.
       I also studied the Bible a lot more on the trip and I'm learning a lot from there too. I'm learning how to grow my faith in Christ and what that looks like. I'm learning that I don't need to be scared to live for Christ. I'm learning to step out of this sinful world and just trust God with everything that I am. He will make the path clear for me if I let go of it and let Him. I would write these verses down and while writing them down it just seemed like God was talking to me saying, " are you living like this?", "This is how I want you to act.", "You were like this but now you are like this.", "This is how you get this to happen.", and so on.
       There will be quite a few entries about Bible verses in the next week or 2 weeks because of what I studied on the trip. The verses are about the defining moments the God gives you in life and how He give them to you. They are really good verses to live by and I need to write them down in my own words, not just straight from the Bible. There are at least 3 sections of verses that I am done with now and I have 1 or 2 more to go so maybe every other day starting this Thursday.

Lessons from this entry:
-Get in a close community and keep that community as close as you can even if it is college friends 15 years down the road.
-It is neat to be able to walk through things with some friends right beside you that has always been beside you.
-Don't ask: "Where have I gone?" but ask: "Where can I go with you?"