What is Humility?

         As I was thinking about this entry, there was a lot of things and titles that I could name it but then I thought about what I heard this past Saturday night at church and it just really got to me in so many ways so I'll write this entry using that. I will say though that the first title and theme I was going to write was "Doing Everything Backwards", which I am but I think it has to do more with my humility then anything else. People might say that I am a kind, caring, compassionate, and so on kind of person but I honestly don't think the would "humbleness" would be in there. I need a lot more learning on what that word means.
        This past Saturday night at church, I learn what it meant through David and his Humility to God. My pastor said something and it stuck with me and I think it will until at least this hard, rough patch goes past me. He said, "Humility: Reordering one's life around God's standards." I really think that is what God is trying to show me through this hard time. I was getting to proud and wanting to get a higher spot at my job. I wanted to get the attention because I thought I was doing more then anyone else but now we see where that led me. I wanted to move up a spot but yet there was no spot where I wanted to move up to at that place. I wanted to be with the children but yet wanted to do more with them.
         I will admit when I graduated from college, I went straight into the working field full time. There was no part time jobs for me and I didn't want to go to grad. college. I wanted to go right into the field that my degree was in but it didn't turn out so great for me. I didn't have time to think. I had that summer after college to think but to me that was it. Then after my first job in AR, I felt like I had to get another job right away because I would be a failure if I didn't plus losing a big job was a first for me so I didn't know what I was going to do besides another job.
        Then I guess this last job is when humility really struck me with the children and just with life. As people, we try so hard to reach the top when other people don't have a chance at all. When the little children don't have the chance but it isn't their fault that they don't. It was just so neat to see them change just on the 45 days that we had them. I hated it when they would change for the good when they were with us for a little while and then right before they went somewhere, they would shut down again. It always broke my heart to see that. Just to see the humility the little children had or at least some of them without knowing what it was was the sweetest thing to see.
        They wouldn't have anything but yet they would share some of the things that they had there. They would speak of God even when things weren't going well for them. They would say "I wish" and then name off things that they want like a space room or so on. To see them say "sorry" by themselves even if they only meant it for a few mins and then went back to do the same thing. It is great and humbling when we didn't have to remind them.
        God is taking me on that kind of journey right now in my own personal life and I learned it from the children and the time I spent working there. I didn't have enough humility to spend time with my family or friends. I was always focus on what I could do better there and trying to reach for the next big thing when really the children only matter there. I've spent a lot of time with my brother and his family and to be honest I have missed it a lot. Then my grandma is really sick and I can't remember when the last time I went to see her was probably around Christmas time. God is just giving me time to just spend so good old time with the people that I love and pay attention to them even if it is the biggest thing that is happening to them.
         God might want me to get a retail job or even a part time job and go back to school to be an OT but that is fine because I am learning humility right along with that path. I started out big when really I think I should have started out small like everyone else around me. I was worried about getting to my dream in a hurry instead of living my 20s with family and friends. I didn't know how to handle those big companies or people. My life and personality is not ready for all those big companions. I still have a lot to learn about working and myself in general. I have to humble myself and learn those things about me and I have to be honest and admit it to myself too.
         I see some people (friends) with their dream job already but that is because they started out small and humble and followed God. I wanted to do things my way and start out big and look where it got me at the age of 27 years. Then there is another side to it that maybe God wanted me on the retail side now because it is also easier to be a stay at home mom even if that was ever to come true. I could go to college and then maybe work my own hours as a OTA. I wouldn't feel so bad about quitting where I am at or at least I say that now.
         I don't know what God has in store for me right now because things that have been going on I was for sure not planning. I have to reorder my life around God's plan because my starting big and staying there did not work really well. So now it is reordered to starting small and humble and maybe ending up big or at least happy. Things, right now, have been jumping up at me from all sides and that is great but as I look on I have no idea where I am going to end up. Only God knows where and when. Humility is a thing I need to work on big time and I think God is teaching me that now between jobs and maybe even during the job I find.