I going to share another future prayer and just some thoughts that really woke me up at 4:30 in the morning because I could not get my mind to stop thinking about this certain thing. Yet the thoughts have helped me understand more and more about becoming a parent and why parents are so "freaked out" when it comes to their children so now I don't blame them at all, especially since I have seen both sides of children.
God really just spoke to me this past Tuesday and because of that I woke up and started to talk to Him and he started to talk back and I wanted to understand but I'm still trying to and watching for His answers to my prayers. Here is the prayer that I prayed to Him about my future with children:
"Dear Daddy,
This is what I get for not talking to You at night? Wake up 3 hours before I have to be at work? I guess it is a good way to start living it. There is a subject on my mind though, and that is children. I know I still might have awhile until I have my very own but working with them has raised lots of questions yet makes me sure of what I want to do do. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom because that was how I was raised but now it is so much more then just that. I see the differences it can make in a child's life. I see the things I might miss. I would have to trust other people and knowing the field of childcare that is hard to do. It doesn't help working in the field. It would be more then just 3 people taking care of my children because there is such a turnover where I go. It would be more like 10 others. I'm a worry wart and bad at talking anyways. I think it is because I know how questioning the workers feel. I know parents question for the safety of their children but being on both sides could be hard. Daddy, sometimes I feel dumb because I don't have my own children. Like there are certain things I don't know yet because of that reason and it is hard to experience it without having your own children. How am I suppose to put my feet in a parent's shoe if I don't know the true feelings yet? I'm not doubting because I am learning but I am asking for wisdom and patience for me and everyone around me. It is hard getting back into the routine of having parents care so much for their children. It's good but hard at the same time. How do these things go on in my head when I am asleep? I sound a lot like Mary, Sarah, and some other women of the Bible carrying out for children, don't I? That's is just our nature, as women, but I will still wait for Your Timing because I want mine to be "perfect", using that word very loosely. No more doubting on this subject, though, it is a for sure thing for me. Even with all the "realness" that needs to go with it, it will be worth it someday. Wow! Am I really getting to that age?" - In Christ's Love, Amen"
Right after I wrote that prayer down, I was reading my 5 mins. Bible study and it was about Sarah and Abram waiting to have a son of there own. It was also about how God has promised them a son but they both doubted because of their old age. God kept telling Abram that He will keep His promises to Him and will make a great nation with the son that is going to be born. This was in Genesis Chapter 17:5-21. The 5 min. devo. was called "A Better Plan". God was also talking to Abram about the new changed life He would bring along with their son "Isaac". Abram had to trust God in everything for quite some time before this all happened but yet there were little things He had to do for God.
In the chapters before Chapter 17, Abram (Abraham) trusted God Plans for him but didn't trust God's process so he tried another way but God still forgave him and made sure he trusted Him this time around. God made sure that Abraham trusted Him by "an invitation to stretch Abraham's Faith". He completely had to trust God for his son. Do you see how strange this devo. came after the prayer that I prayed. It was about trusting God with a child, not only that but with everything in our lives. I read the chapters before and after this chapter and it is amazing to see how much trust Abraham had for just one child but yet that one child was an important child. That child was going to rule many nations because God had promised His father that.
This chapter also shows that if we trust in God, bigger and better things will happen. Better things then we ever thought possible. God can promise whatever He wants to promise, and He will give that to us if we just follow His Path for us. We cannot take the matters of God into our own hands. When God says He got this, we need to trust in Him and leave it at that. We cannot rely on our own thoughts, feelings, talents, or skills to help us, only God can. The question that was asked in my devo. was: What are you relying on to "help God" make His promises a reality in your life?" The more and more I think about these whole few chapters and my prayer for children, it really gets down deep on a personal level in my life. I think, no I know, God is trying to tell me to trust Him with something that is going on in my life and things will turn out for His Glory, not mine nor anyone else's
This is a prayer that I could keep praying on and on about until that deep feeling gets met somehow.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Letter to my Heavenly Daddy
Daddy,
Writing a letter instead of a prayer, this time, for now. I'm 27 years old and single and alone. I know I have You beside me but I feel like I need you more. I'm getting to that point where I need to really turn every day and every thought over to You but it's hard. I need to have Your wisdom and love. I need my days to be Your Days. It's hard to describe my true feelings because I am alone. Everyone is away from me busy with serving You in their own way. I just feel like no one has that same goal or passion that I do for my life. Makes me feel unique sometimes but mostly feel alone. I know I'm not suppose to be of the world but does that mean totally out of it. I guess that is how You felt when You showed Your true appearance and I am that. I want to dive in with You more but how and when. Why do I have to be the oldest in the field? I just need the courage and communicate to act like the oldest.
Love,
Tiffney
Writing a letter instead of a prayer, this time, for now. I'm 27 years old and single and alone. I know I have You beside me but I feel like I need you more. I'm getting to that point where I need to really turn every day and every thought over to You but it's hard. I need to have Your wisdom and love. I need my days to be Your Days. It's hard to describe my true feelings because I am alone. Everyone is away from me busy with serving You in their own way. I just feel like no one has that same goal or passion that I do for my life. Makes me feel unique sometimes but mostly feel alone. I know I'm not suppose to be of the world but does that mean totally out of it. I guess that is how You felt when You showed Your true appearance and I am that. I want to dive in with You more but how and when. Why do I have to be the oldest in the field? I just need the courage and communicate to act like the oldest.
Love,
Tiffney
Monday, September 21, 2015
The Wise, Wilson Women
I know I already wrote an entry for today but this one, kind of, goes along with it or that is what I would like to think. I think or I know that I got blessed with the best women a girl could ask for. Those women are her grandmas and mom and a friend. I want to dedicated this entry to both of my grandmas because one just recently passed away and the other grandma passed away but it is her birthday next month. I think in two weeks if I'm not mistaken.
I love the title for this entry because I could call it the 3 Ws-Wise, Wilson Women. Creative, huh? Anyways, this entry came to mind as I was sitting in my Bible study tonight and we were talking about personal Spiritual growth. I have always grown up in a Godly/spiritual home because my mom and dad were believers. I got baptized at a very young age-the age of 9 years old. That in itself is a blessing for me that I should never regret at all. That is not what I saw in the Bible study tonight that made me write this entry though.
What I saw and thought about in my Bible study is how I spend my time with God, my personal time with the Creator. I did tear up a little but no one saw because they were watching the movie. I'm a very loving, nurturing, and careful person. I get the "loving children" part from all of them plus wanting to stay at home but that is not the point of this entry. Although, most of the people that know me would agree with me and I get that from my mom, grandmas, and a special friend of mine.
What I have noticed lately, especially after my recent grandma passed away is that I'm a journaler /blogger/dairy keeper because of them. My grandma that just passed away kept her journals throughout the years just like I started to while I was in college and still am. I can even say that I have some journals way back during college times and some of them are pretty funny. The journals are mainly prayer and Bible verses journals now that I have gotten older but it didn't start out that way. I started out in that way while I was in college but I really started out in high school. I started to write in a diary because I needed a place to vent my feelings that I couldn't talk about to anyone else. I do remember having a little journal through when I was younger and I still have it in keepsakes. I have looked at it since I have gotten older and it was during my soccer days because the only entry in it is one about soccer.
Not only did my grandma keep prayer journals but she kept her sermon notes and journals so I also get my sermon note taking from her too. My aunt gave me a notebook of my grandma's sermon notes and even though they are hard to read, they really mean a lot to me. I even have a small Bible from her that has hand written notes in the margins. I think more then anything, through, my grandma passed it on to my mom and that is really where I see it. I see her taking notes during the sermons at church. I see her prayer journal laying around the house and she just started a drawing nature journal, something I could never do or at least not now.
I am also big on keeping vacation journals and that started very young too to trips to Montana (aka my favorite place in the world). No matter where I go now I buy a notebook just for that trip and write about everyday. It is just fun to look back on those journals and notebooks and see what God has taught you or even done for you. Like my vacation journals, they are for memory because someday I won't get those chances anymore.
Even like this blog, being in AR might be for a short time you never know so I'm writing about it here and now. I will say, though, this is like my 3rd blog I have started since moving to AR and I have kept up with this one the best. Out of my whole life, though, this is the 4th or 5th blog that I have had. It is strange that something this simpler can run in a family but it does and it is a good thing if you really think about it. If you journal for the right things are reasons, it can show you God all over again and remind you of what He has done for you and how He has blessed you through out the years.
I will admit there are some college prayer journals that I have looked back on and I just laugh at what I was thinking and praying about back then. They show you how much you have grown too. I mean there are all these plans that I made out in college but God had a much better plan then I could ever think of. There was this guy I had a crush on and now I go back to read it and I just laugh and think how bad I was crushing on him. I'll admit there are some funny ones but yet there are those ones that you read and think, "Wow, God did you really do all of this." and I know I have some now that I will look back on and reread and think that again.
There are other types of journals I keep too. If there is a subject I like or need to write my feelings out then I grab a notebook or journal, depending on how important the subject is and I'll write about it. Why do I think this is so neat? I think it is because in Bible study, tonight, we talked about having a journal to keep our prayers in and what God has taught us in. To me, though, it seemed like second nature and I thought to myself, "well, doesn't everyone do this if they are a Christian." and the answer is, "no". I got to thinking, "how can you not keep a journal of all the glorious things God has done or will do for you?"
This one thing is just an example of a little action, that if you start doing, might grow throughout generations. In a strange way, it has in my family.
I love the title for this entry because I could call it the 3 Ws-Wise, Wilson Women. Creative, huh? Anyways, this entry came to mind as I was sitting in my Bible study tonight and we were talking about personal Spiritual growth. I have always grown up in a Godly/spiritual home because my mom and dad were believers. I got baptized at a very young age-the age of 9 years old. That in itself is a blessing for me that I should never regret at all. That is not what I saw in the Bible study tonight that made me write this entry though.
What I saw and thought about in my Bible study is how I spend my time with God, my personal time with the Creator. I did tear up a little but no one saw because they were watching the movie. I'm a very loving, nurturing, and careful person. I get the "loving children" part from all of them plus wanting to stay at home but that is not the point of this entry. Although, most of the people that know me would agree with me and I get that from my mom, grandmas, and a special friend of mine.
What I have noticed lately, especially after my recent grandma passed away is that I'm a journaler /blogger/dairy keeper because of them. My grandma that just passed away kept her journals throughout the years just like I started to while I was in college and still am. I can even say that I have some journals way back during college times and some of them are pretty funny. The journals are mainly prayer and Bible verses journals now that I have gotten older but it didn't start out that way. I started out in that way while I was in college but I really started out in high school. I started to write in a diary because I needed a place to vent my feelings that I couldn't talk about to anyone else. I do remember having a little journal through when I was younger and I still have it in keepsakes. I have looked at it since I have gotten older and it was during my soccer days because the only entry in it is one about soccer.
Not only did my grandma keep prayer journals but she kept her sermon notes and journals so I also get my sermon note taking from her too. My aunt gave me a notebook of my grandma's sermon notes and even though they are hard to read, they really mean a lot to me. I even have a small Bible from her that has hand written notes in the margins. I think more then anything, through, my grandma passed it on to my mom and that is really where I see it. I see her taking notes during the sermons at church. I see her prayer journal laying around the house and she just started a drawing nature journal, something I could never do or at least not now.
I am also big on keeping vacation journals and that started very young too to trips to Montana (aka my favorite place in the world). No matter where I go now I buy a notebook just for that trip and write about everyday. It is just fun to look back on those journals and notebooks and see what God has taught you or even done for you. Like my vacation journals, they are for memory because someday I won't get those chances anymore.
Even like this blog, being in AR might be for a short time you never know so I'm writing about it here and now. I will say, though, this is like my 3rd blog I have started since moving to AR and I have kept up with this one the best. Out of my whole life, though, this is the 4th or 5th blog that I have had. It is strange that something this simpler can run in a family but it does and it is a good thing if you really think about it. If you journal for the right things are reasons, it can show you God all over again and remind you of what He has done for you and how He has blessed you through out the years.
I will admit there are some college prayer journals that I have looked back on and I just laugh at what I was thinking and praying about back then. They show you how much you have grown too. I mean there are all these plans that I made out in college but God had a much better plan then I could ever think of. There was this guy I had a crush on and now I go back to read it and I just laugh and think how bad I was crushing on him. I'll admit there are some funny ones but yet there are those ones that you read and think, "Wow, God did you really do all of this." and I know I have some now that I will look back on and reread and think that again.
There are other types of journals I keep too. If there is a subject I like or need to write my feelings out then I grab a notebook or journal, depending on how important the subject is and I'll write about it. Why do I think this is so neat? I think it is because in Bible study, tonight, we talked about having a journal to keep our prayers in and what God has taught us in. To me, though, it seemed like second nature and I thought to myself, "well, doesn't everyone do this if they are a Christian." and the answer is, "no". I got to thinking, "how can you not keep a journal of all the glorious things God has done or will do for you?"
This one thing is just an example of a little action, that if you start doing, might grow throughout generations. In a strange way, it has in my family.
Calling of God
Why do I feel like God is making sure I know my calling and why do I feel like He is getting me to trust Him again? Was my last job that bad that I did not notice it? Did it really bring me down in a year? I feel like all the verses I am reading and hearing are about callings of people and trusting of God.
Does God really have to bring me back up from the pit? It also feels like God is making sure I know my calling. Yes, it is true. I was doubting it for a few months because I felt like no one would listen to me. Why do I have such low self esteem at times?
I know I was doing the right things and will keep doing the right things until they are over. I can have the courage for the little children of God. Even though they are children, they deserve respect and help too. I never want to doubt where I should be again. If that starts to happen, then I need to stop before I get far into the pit of doubting.
I pray that it never will, though, now that I know the feeling of it.
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Paul's Life=My Life
Last night my church started going through the book of Ephesians so the sermon was mainly an introduction of the book. In a strange way though, I got a lot out of the sermon and here is why. Paul is the author of the book Ephesians. The book has two main ideas and those ideas are: "Who is Christ and Who am I in Christ". The first couple of verse told us who Paul was and what kind of people we are and/or should be.
Paul was a Man of Grace because Jesus saved him from a hard life on a dirt road. Paul was killing Christians because he was so devoted to his country and didn't want or believed in any other king. That is until he met Jesus. Jesus knew what Paul had done but He still loved and forgave him anyways. Jesus eve said, "Paul, why are you killing me?" After he had came to Christ, not only did he care for his country but he cared about the rest of the nations enough to go and spend the Good News to those people. He was also one of Jesus' apostle. Someone that Jesus picked out of the crowd and told him to follow Him.
Now going on to the kind of people we are/should be. There were two verbs in the 2nd verse that told us how we should live. Those verbs are: "Holy and Faithful". When the verse says, "God's Holy people", it means that God picks who He wants apart from the world for a special purpose. Whoever God picks is to have a transformed mind and be unlike the people around them. God sets apart certain people because He already has a special purpose for them. There are also the words "Faithful people" in that verse. Those words means that those people who He set apart from everyone else should trust Him for what He has done for them. Faith and Trust goes hand in hand. I know simpler said then done.
As I was thinking about what the pastor was saying, during the sermon, about who Paul was and how he became it, I was thinking about myself and who I really am or could be. I have been through a lot these past few months/years but I know it is because God is chipping away at me and showing me who I really can be. Here are just a few things that I know I'm really passionate for now:
-children
-0-3 years old first and then 4-6 years old
-education for children
-teaching the whole child, not just emotions or from the books
-sensory processing disorder
-love doing sensory things with children
-the outdoors
-writing
-actions, instead of words
Those 8 things are perfect things to tell you about who I am. I really believe and trust that God put those things on my heart because He has something special planned for me with those things. I mean when you really look at all of those things together, I could come up with something fun to do like having a hands-on school outside for disable children. That might come true someday day but for now, I like where I am and that is at a preschool working with the infants.
I also think God wants me to go the rounds on different aged children so I will be ready to work with all kinds of aged children. Going through the book of Ephesians with my church during this new adventure/job is my life is really going to be interesting and fun at the same time. It might even be another challenge for me because God always knows that I am always looking for a challenge of some sort.
Here is a quote that the pastor said last night and it really stuck with me: "Where Christ is, we are there also." Are you living and showing what God is doing in your life through the way you live and work?
Paul was a Man of Grace because Jesus saved him from a hard life on a dirt road. Paul was killing Christians because he was so devoted to his country and didn't want or believed in any other king. That is until he met Jesus. Jesus knew what Paul had done but He still loved and forgave him anyways. Jesus eve said, "Paul, why are you killing me?" After he had came to Christ, not only did he care for his country but he cared about the rest of the nations enough to go and spend the Good News to those people. He was also one of Jesus' apostle. Someone that Jesus picked out of the crowd and told him to follow Him.
Now going on to the kind of people we are/should be. There were two verbs in the 2nd verse that told us how we should live. Those verbs are: "Holy and Faithful". When the verse says, "God's Holy people", it means that God picks who He wants apart from the world for a special purpose. Whoever God picks is to have a transformed mind and be unlike the people around them. God sets apart certain people because He already has a special purpose for them. There are also the words "Faithful people" in that verse. Those words means that those people who He set apart from everyone else should trust Him for what He has done for them. Faith and Trust goes hand in hand. I know simpler said then done.
As I was thinking about what the pastor was saying, during the sermon, about who Paul was and how he became it, I was thinking about myself and who I really am or could be. I have been through a lot these past few months/years but I know it is because God is chipping away at me and showing me who I really can be. Here are just a few things that I know I'm really passionate for now:
-children
-0-3 years old first and then 4-6 years old
-education for children
-teaching the whole child, not just emotions or from the books
-sensory processing disorder
-love doing sensory things with children
-the outdoors
-writing
-actions, instead of words
Those 8 things are perfect things to tell you about who I am. I really believe and trust that God put those things on my heart because He has something special planned for me with those things. I mean when you really look at all of those things together, I could come up with something fun to do like having a hands-on school outside for disable children. That might come true someday day but for now, I like where I am and that is at a preschool working with the infants.
I also think God wants me to go the rounds on different aged children so I will be ready to work with all kinds of aged children. Going through the book of Ephesians with my church during this new adventure/job is my life is really going to be interesting and fun at the same time. It might even be another challenge for me because God always knows that I am always looking for a challenge of some sort.
Here is a quote that the pastor said last night and it really stuck with me: "Where Christ is, we are there also." Are you living and showing what God is doing in your life through the way you live and work?
Saturday, September 19, 2015
On a New Adventure
I keep meaning to write another entry but things just keep happening. I finally found the time though to tell you about my new adventure and how it is making me see a lot more blessings in my life. It is strange that God would use two different spots to teach you about blessings and to make you see them in your life but that is what He has done to my this past week. I got a new job, therefore hence, the name of this entry because it is a new adventure for me again. It is a job at a preschool working with the infants this time instead of the preschoolers, which is a lot calmer in its own way. It is a calm that I like. :)
I started this past Thursday and I'm already loving it and seeing the changing it will have on my life as time goes on. It is a little farther away in another city but that city is only 10 mins away so not really that far, just a different address. It is a big chained preschool, which means that it has a lot of the same preschools around AR and MO. The main one being in Springfield, MO and that is where 3, counting the main one, out of at least 6 of them are.
Enough on the preschool itself, now let's get to the blessings and/or maybe differences of each job. I will start with the blessings first.
Blessing One: It is nice to have some or all of parents' involvement in their child's life because you can follow their rules and ask them for some advice on their child. I do have to get back into the habit of talking to the parents and remembering everything I have to tell them or what they would like to hear. It has been 2 years since I had to do that.
Blessing Two: My new job is such a cheery and friendly place. Everyone has a smile on their faces and there is no gossip about anyone. They are talkative to each other too. That is something I might have to get use to but it is a good thing that they want to communicate with each other and with the parents about their children.
Blessing Three: It feels great to be back on a schedule that my body likes. I work 9-6 again and I love it. These past first two days my body has woke me up without my alarm clock going off 3 times. I don't have to leave my apartment until around 8:35-8:40.
Blessing Four: I actually get a hour lunch break. It was strange the past two days because I didn't know what to do with myself but I went ahead and went out for lunch. I also got to do my Bible study Friday during that hour, which is good because now I know that I have time to do that and it will refresh me if it has been a hard day.
Blessing Five: Some of the parents give us, teachers, gift for the holidays or just because they appreciate us. I already that a gift for Oct./Halloween from one of the parents. It just felt so good getting gifts again and feeling like you are making people happy.
Blessing Six: The teacher that I work with, in the infants, will actually read books to the infants if they are all quite at one time. She did that on Thursday when they all had their bottles and were quite. The infants actually learn about things there. They have a monthly theme each month. This month is "Community Helpers".
Blessing Seven: God has shown me that I am more about educating the children that I come in contact with instead of just watching them but I have to have a set way to teach them.
Blessing Eight: God has, also, shown me that I need to take some time with the infants because I need less stress in my life and more calmness. Also, I need to learn how to take care of and teach them because that is an age I haven't done yet.
Blessing Nine: I love seeing the infants smile and/or hear them "coo" and play with their feet when they are happy and I'm busy with other infants. I love making them smile too by playing with them. I, also, love cuddling them.
Blessing Ten: This is a blessing that I need to work on with God's help, of course. I know I can do it with His Help and I don't have to act like I have to prove anything but I am the oldest and longest person that has worked in the childcare field at my new job in the infant room. I say it is a blessing because it can be to the people around me and myself but I need to know how to control and use it. I never been the oldest and longest person in the field before.
As you can see, I love my new job and I hope and pray that the new feeling and awareness never wares off. I know I have a whole new outlook on the actual daycare/preschool field then I did before my last job. If I ever have doubts about how the job is going, I can always remember back to that "one" job that I had. If things doesn't seem right, I can always look back on how I should have fixed it and fix it in the present. I have just learned a lot of lessons from my last job about the childcare field and about who I am as a person.
When you compare the two jobs, it is a miracle how different children can be because of their environment they grow up in. It would be neat if each college student in child development and/or education had to work at two totally different jobs with totally different children and then compare the two jobs. It would also be great for a psychology class and a sociology class in different ways. I would, for sure, do that. Kind of wish, I did do that. It would have helped me prepare for the future more and be for sure of what I wanted to do with my life.
The main thing these two different jobs have taught me, so far, is: "Children have their own minds and you have to come down to the child's level. You can't expect them to all be on the same level."
I started this past Thursday and I'm already loving it and seeing the changing it will have on my life as time goes on. It is a little farther away in another city but that city is only 10 mins away so not really that far, just a different address. It is a big chained preschool, which means that it has a lot of the same preschools around AR and MO. The main one being in Springfield, MO and that is where 3, counting the main one, out of at least 6 of them are.
Enough on the preschool itself, now let's get to the blessings and/or maybe differences of each job. I will start with the blessings first.
Blessing One: It is nice to have some or all of parents' involvement in their child's life because you can follow their rules and ask them for some advice on their child. I do have to get back into the habit of talking to the parents and remembering everything I have to tell them or what they would like to hear. It has been 2 years since I had to do that.
Blessing Two: My new job is such a cheery and friendly place. Everyone has a smile on their faces and there is no gossip about anyone. They are talkative to each other too. That is something I might have to get use to but it is a good thing that they want to communicate with each other and with the parents about their children.
Blessing Three: It feels great to be back on a schedule that my body likes. I work 9-6 again and I love it. These past first two days my body has woke me up without my alarm clock going off 3 times. I don't have to leave my apartment until around 8:35-8:40.
Blessing Four: I actually get a hour lunch break. It was strange the past two days because I didn't know what to do with myself but I went ahead and went out for lunch. I also got to do my Bible study Friday during that hour, which is good because now I know that I have time to do that and it will refresh me if it has been a hard day.
Blessing Five: Some of the parents give us, teachers, gift for the holidays or just because they appreciate us. I already that a gift for Oct./Halloween from one of the parents. It just felt so good getting gifts again and feeling like you are making people happy.
Blessing Six: The teacher that I work with, in the infants, will actually read books to the infants if they are all quite at one time. She did that on Thursday when they all had their bottles and were quite. The infants actually learn about things there. They have a monthly theme each month. This month is "Community Helpers".
Blessing Seven: God has shown me that I am more about educating the children that I come in contact with instead of just watching them but I have to have a set way to teach them.
Blessing Eight: God has, also, shown me that I need to take some time with the infants because I need less stress in my life and more calmness. Also, I need to learn how to take care of and teach them because that is an age I haven't done yet.
Blessing Nine: I love seeing the infants smile and/or hear them "coo" and play with their feet when they are happy and I'm busy with other infants. I love making them smile too by playing with them. I, also, love cuddling them.
Blessing Ten: This is a blessing that I need to work on with God's help, of course. I know I can do it with His Help and I don't have to act like I have to prove anything but I am the oldest and longest person that has worked in the childcare field at my new job in the infant room. I say it is a blessing because it can be to the people around me and myself but I need to know how to control and use it. I never been the oldest and longest person in the field before.
As you can see, I love my new job and I hope and pray that the new feeling and awareness never wares off. I know I have a whole new outlook on the actual daycare/preschool field then I did before my last job. If I ever have doubts about how the job is going, I can always remember back to that "one" job that I had. If things doesn't seem right, I can always look back on how I should have fixed it and fix it in the present. I have just learned a lot of lessons from my last job about the childcare field and about who I am as a person.
When you compare the two jobs, it is a miracle how different children can be because of their environment they grow up in. It would be neat if each college student in child development and/or education had to work at two totally different jobs with totally different children and then compare the two jobs. It would also be great for a psychology class and a sociology class in different ways. I would, for sure, do that. Kind of wish, I did do that. It would have helped me prepare for the future more and be for sure of what I wanted to do with my life.
The main thing these two different jobs have taught me, so far, is: "Children have their own minds and you have to come down to the child's level. You can't expect them to all be on the same level."
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Called to be a Keeper
The Fall semester started back up this month for Fall Bible studies for the church that I go to and I'm taking one that is just right for me and that I know I am going to love. It is on Monday nights and it started this past Monday and I already did the 1st day work in the book and I love it. It is called "Called to be a Keeper" by Lori Merrill and it is going through the verses from Titus and Proverbs 31. The class and study has already given me some great ideas to think on. It has a video that we watch during the study and some other different hand ons classes so we do every other Monday with those two things. I know there are going to be some classes on cooking, household management, personal growth, and hospitality along with other things.
There is one thing that I got out of the study this past Monday from the video and it was "think of Proverbs 31 as learning and doing all of those things over a lifetime, not in just one day". To be honest with you, I was trying to do them all in one day but there isn't enough time for all of those things so that made perfect sense to me. The study is mainly about learning and living out God's proprieties as a women and wife of God. I also loved that the leader in the video kind of gave us a background of Proverbs 31. She said that it was the King's mother giving the advice to the king. The first 10 verses where warning the king that women do have and will try to take their power and strength but that they shouldn't give it to them.
I think that our main purpose as women is to "set in order what remains" and that comes from verse 5 in Titus chapter 1. It also gave things that older women should do in their lives and what younger women should do in their lives too. Older women should: reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossip, nor drink too much wine, and they are to teach what is good to the younger women. All this is found in Titus 2:3-5. Younger women should: love their husbands, love their children, be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind and be subject to their own husbands.
In the video, while the speaker was speaking, she said that God says: "You are not beyond redemption." That is something really important to remember and it should give us comfort. We are always able to run back to God when we need help or have messed up. I say that because in Titus chapter 2, verse 5 it says: "so that the Word of God will not be dishonored." Not to scare any women out there, but we need to try not to dishonor God. Yes, I understand that we are sinners and that we mess up but that should at least be our goal everyday. We should ask God to help us honor Him in our day because we don't want to dishonor Him. That is another important thing that really stuck to me during the Bible study.
Then the Day 1 study for homework was all about seeking His Kingdom and righteousness first. Putting God as your first priority and everything else should fall into place. I like how the writer of the book used John 4:31-34, which says, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and accomplish His Work." The writer uses "food" as an example for us. Our purpose and priority of God should be so important that we should want Him more then food. Some of the questions that she asked in her book was: "What is your "food"? or "What provides your "nourishment in life"? In other words, "What is it that you live for?"
I just have a feeling that I am going to like this study a lot and that I am going to learn a lot from it. I need anything that will help me grow into the women God wants me to be and to run, right now, my apartment the way God wants me to. Hopefully, later in life, it will be a house. It is good to learn while you are still young or at least to have an idea of what you can do or sure do. This study is going right along with my FACS degree and I think that is kind of neat. To find a study that matches me that well. The title is a neat one and I'm very interested in learning what it means and once I do, I'll share it on here. The word "keeper" for us, women, is a new one for me. This is the first time that I have heard it used for us.
There is one thing that I got out of the study this past Monday from the video and it was "think of Proverbs 31 as learning and doing all of those things over a lifetime, not in just one day". To be honest with you, I was trying to do them all in one day but there isn't enough time for all of those things so that made perfect sense to me. The study is mainly about learning and living out God's proprieties as a women and wife of God. I also loved that the leader in the video kind of gave us a background of Proverbs 31. She said that it was the King's mother giving the advice to the king. The first 10 verses where warning the king that women do have and will try to take their power and strength but that they shouldn't give it to them.
I think that our main purpose as women is to "set in order what remains" and that comes from verse 5 in Titus chapter 1. It also gave things that older women should do in their lives and what younger women should do in their lives too. Older women should: reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossip, nor drink too much wine, and they are to teach what is good to the younger women. All this is found in Titus 2:3-5. Younger women should: love their husbands, love their children, be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind and be subject to their own husbands.
In the video, while the speaker was speaking, she said that God says: "You are not beyond redemption." That is something really important to remember and it should give us comfort. We are always able to run back to God when we need help or have messed up. I say that because in Titus chapter 2, verse 5 it says: "so that the Word of God will not be dishonored." Not to scare any women out there, but we need to try not to dishonor God. Yes, I understand that we are sinners and that we mess up but that should at least be our goal everyday. We should ask God to help us honor Him in our day because we don't want to dishonor Him. That is another important thing that really stuck to me during the Bible study.
Then the Day 1 study for homework was all about seeking His Kingdom and righteousness first. Putting God as your first priority and everything else should fall into place. I like how the writer of the book used John 4:31-34, which says, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and accomplish His Work." The writer uses "food" as an example for us. Our purpose and priority of God should be so important that we should want Him more then food. Some of the questions that she asked in her book was: "What is your "food"? or "What provides your "nourishment in life"? In other words, "What is it that you live for?"
I just have a feeling that I am going to like this study a lot and that I am going to learn a lot from it. I need anything that will help me grow into the women God wants me to be and to run, right now, my apartment the way God wants me to. Hopefully, later in life, it will be a house. It is good to learn while you are still young or at least to have an idea of what you can do or sure do. This study is going right along with my FACS degree and I think that is kind of neat. To find a study that matches me that well. The title is a neat one and I'm very interested in learning what it means and once I do, I'll share it on here. The word "keeper" for us, women, is a new one for me. This is the first time that I have heard it used for us.
Monday, September 14, 2015
Waiting and Fighting Everyday
I have thought a lot about what is going on in my life and how I am handling it right now. This entry might not make a whole lot of sense but it is how I feel right now. I feel like I'm doing two things and that is waiting for things to come through and fighting for what I believe in. Those two things really takes a lot of energy out of a person. People would think that I just at home sitting around waiting but I'm not. I'm out on the town almost everyday trying a job or two. I'm turning paperwork in non stop. I was busy and fighting things at first but now it all boils down to waiting.
Sure I can still do an application here and there but the main things that really matter right now to me are things I have to wait on. Things like money, a job, a trip, and so on. Now more then ever I am just sitting at home and waiting and I hate that. I want to be out doing something for people. I have thought about volunteering and I might in the next month if I don't get a job then but I have to make sure everything else is done with. I have never been good at the waiting process in my life because I usually get things right away or fairly quickly and I'm not saying that to be a know it all but it's true until now.
This is probably the longest I had to wait for anything that really mattered to me minus waiting for a future spouse. I also fighting with who I really am and what my purpose is on this earth. It is just crazy what people can do to you and how they can bring you down by the words or actions they do. If I'm not fighting with myself, I'm fighting with or for someone and that is hard too. I have a lot of moments since I left my job that I fought with myself. Yes, you can do that. Your inside is telling you something different but you are too scared or too good to follow what it is saying.
That different something is not something that you even thought of in your life so why should you have to do it. What good will it do you? You are asking all of these questions to yourself and then you are having people turn you down non stop after interviews, which hurts even more because you might know the reason but it isn't the reason. It feels like your life could go backwards but you so want to go forwards with it like you have been for those 27 years of your life. You are not a person who gives up easily.
While you wait, you thinking and talking to your friends about where you are and who you are in life and how you got that. You've done things and been places you never thought you would go or do. I never thought of myself as a passive aggressive person or it just really never had the chance to really show but it has lately and I'm not happy about it. I don't want to be that passive aggressive person that just pass up conflicts because it might hurt me. I want to confront them if it will help me or the people/children I'm working for.
I think as the years go on, the more passive aggressive I get without even knowing it and I need to stop it because I won't get a husband or good long friends that way or a career that way either. I need to learn how to be bold in conflicts and stand up for myself. I need to say what is on my mind out loud but in a nice way. The problem with me is that I might say it out loud but it wouldn't be in nice way way so it shows through my actions instead. Right now, I can't really see myself anywhere because I need to fix things that have to do with me. I need to fix that passive aggressive and I need to know how to take care of myself.
It is funny that God can teach you so much in the waiting and fighting stage of a season. It is like I have woke up from an easy dream and now life is hitting my in the face with all these ideas and people around me. I see good and bad ideas and that makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing right now. When you are trying things out by yourself, it is just harder then you would ever have thought. I think that is what I'm learning right now. That things are not easy and that I may not be ready for the real world just yet.
I still have some growing up to do even though after this, I could slow down a bit. It is like I'm going to be 30 in 3 years so I need to get things figured out now so I can be settled in my 30s. It seems like such a long time away but when you get older time gets faster it seems like. I never thought I would go through these feelings and these stages in my life but I am. It is a whole new season for me and I have no idea what to do with it. What are my big dreams? What have I always wanted to do? What are my passions? The answers to some of these questions I don't even know yet. Is that bad?
What would God have me do? I know that is chiche but that is what it comes down to or should at least. How do I know that that job is for sure God's path for me? I'm such a doubter and I need to stop it because it won't help me in the long run either. I could go on and on about this subject but I will stop right now and see what happens in the next few days and then write more.
Sure I can still do an application here and there but the main things that really matter right now to me are things I have to wait on. Things like money, a job, a trip, and so on. Now more then ever I am just sitting at home and waiting and I hate that. I want to be out doing something for people. I have thought about volunteering and I might in the next month if I don't get a job then but I have to make sure everything else is done with. I have never been good at the waiting process in my life because I usually get things right away or fairly quickly and I'm not saying that to be a know it all but it's true until now.
This is probably the longest I had to wait for anything that really mattered to me minus waiting for a future spouse. I also fighting with who I really am and what my purpose is on this earth. It is just crazy what people can do to you and how they can bring you down by the words or actions they do. If I'm not fighting with myself, I'm fighting with or for someone and that is hard too. I have a lot of moments since I left my job that I fought with myself. Yes, you can do that. Your inside is telling you something different but you are too scared or too good to follow what it is saying.
That different something is not something that you even thought of in your life so why should you have to do it. What good will it do you? You are asking all of these questions to yourself and then you are having people turn you down non stop after interviews, which hurts even more because you might know the reason but it isn't the reason. It feels like your life could go backwards but you so want to go forwards with it like you have been for those 27 years of your life. You are not a person who gives up easily.
While you wait, you thinking and talking to your friends about where you are and who you are in life and how you got that. You've done things and been places you never thought you would go or do. I never thought of myself as a passive aggressive person or it just really never had the chance to really show but it has lately and I'm not happy about it. I don't want to be that passive aggressive person that just pass up conflicts because it might hurt me. I want to confront them if it will help me or the people/children I'm working for.
I think as the years go on, the more passive aggressive I get without even knowing it and I need to stop it because I won't get a husband or good long friends that way or a career that way either. I need to learn how to be bold in conflicts and stand up for myself. I need to say what is on my mind out loud but in a nice way. The problem with me is that I might say it out loud but it wouldn't be in nice way way so it shows through my actions instead. Right now, I can't really see myself anywhere because I need to fix things that have to do with me. I need to fix that passive aggressive and I need to know how to take care of myself.
It is funny that God can teach you so much in the waiting and fighting stage of a season. It is like I have woke up from an easy dream and now life is hitting my in the face with all these ideas and people around me. I see good and bad ideas and that makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing right now. When you are trying things out by yourself, it is just harder then you would ever have thought. I think that is what I'm learning right now. That things are not easy and that I may not be ready for the real world just yet.
I still have some growing up to do even though after this, I could slow down a bit. It is like I'm going to be 30 in 3 years so I need to get things figured out now so I can be settled in my 30s. It seems like such a long time away but when you get older time gets faster it seems like. I never thought I would go through these feelings and these stages in my life but I am. It is a whole new season for me and I have no idea what to do with it. What are my big dreams? What have I always wanted to do? What are my passions? The answers to some of these questions I don't even know yet. Is that bad?
What would God have me do? I know that is chiche but that is what it comes down to or should at least. How do I know that that job is for sure God's path for me? I'm such a doubter and I need to stop it because it won't help me in the long run either. I could go on and on about this subject but I will stop right now and see what happens in the next few days and then write more.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
A Letter to Myself
I was going to try and pass up today but then I realized that I needed to post this letter and it is something that I could do really fast if I had the time. Well, I have the time so I'm going to post it really fast. This letter actually started out as a letter to one of my friends but when I was typing and reading it, I thought about it some. I thought that it is actually what I needed to tell myself. It was something I needed to hear. Sometimes it is so easy to encourage a friend but yet so hard to admit that we need the same help or more of it. I will say that my friend was the first one that I have typed and put together everything that was going on in my life lately in short version because I knew my friend wouldn't like a more then 2 page email sent to them. Lucky, it was that short or maybe a little shorter. I put my friend's name at the start of the letter that I sent but I changed it to mine because I needed that encouraging talk myself.
We are so fast at trying to fix others' problems and it could be because we care or at least that why I try but we won't take time for our own problems. I hate seeing people upset and stressed especially when I have been there or are there. Here is the letter that I sent to my friend but with my name at the start of it:
(Yelling at myself): Tiffney Nicole Wilson-
We are so fast at trying to fix others' problems and it could be because we care or at least that why I try but we won't take time for our own problems. I hate seeing people upset and stressed especially when I have been there or are there. Here is the letter that I sent to my friend but with my name at the start of it:
(Yelling at myself): Tiffney Nicole Wilson-
First of all, you are never a dummy. Think positive thoughts. Second of all, there is no one that understands what you are going through better then me right now. Yes, we might forget from time to time that God has things under control and try to take it into our own hands but that never makes us a dummy that just makes us human. I've been embrassed to share what I'm going through right now with people. I loved seeing that not everything is prefect in life because it just means we are human. We can't do anything without God's help even in the simplest of times sometimes. Here is what I'm going through and I really believe it is part of God's plan. Don't know how yet but things will turn out good and for His glory. I'm learning to trust Him more everyday through all of this because I know He has some reason for it.
I got let go last part of July and still no job. I'm getting no unemployment right now. I'm going to have to be on Medicare for some time until I do find another job. I've interviewed for let's see 8 places and no one wants me yet. I'm about ready to give up too. Giving up the one thing that I love to do because some people disagree with me on little things but yet I know that I might have to fight for that same thing. What is keeping me going is the children. There has been times where I just wanted to move back to my parents' house and forget all of this. Yet, I know God has something big in store for me after all of this is over. I'm taking one class now at the community college and I'm getting back to taking care of myself, which I didn't do when I had a job.
It is one thing after another. It was the lost of my job. Then my grandma, aka my last grandparent, passing away after that. Then finding out I won't get unemployment. All things on top of the everyday life things. It is not easy. There has been times where I just had to be real with God and just cry to Him because I don't get what He is doing. I don't get all this stress but yet I'm trying to trust and trying to stay faithful in everything. Another thing that scares me since I'm not getting unemployment right now is my financial situation. I have to be extra careful with that and honestly that is stressful too.
As you can kind of see too, I have a lot of my mind too. It is hard giving it over to God at times but that is the best thing we can do. God is making us stronger for the next thing in life. I truly believe that maybe my next job or path that He has for me will be easier because of what He is putting me through right now. Plus maybe spend some time with the nieces. I know I did that last night and it brought a smile to my face. Just playing with her made me forget about grown up things for awhile. It made me realize that I need to spend more time with her because who knows where I'll be or what I'll be doing in the next few months.
Remember God is always there and helping us even in the hardest times when it might not seem like He is. He just wants us to trust and love Him in everything. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Another thing to remember is no one is prefect expect through the eyes of God and He is the one we should be fixed upon, not the man of this world. God-pleasing, not people-pleasing.
Romans 8:28 has helped me get through some of the times and it is one I repeat a lot right now.
Friday, September 11, 2015
What was Jesus doing at age 30?
I'm going to put a disclaimer on this entry right now. The disclaimer is that I will never know what Jesus was doing at age 30 or before or after that age or yet have I really looked into it so don't take the words seriously. Preachers might have a better idea then I do since they study the Bible throughly but this is just something that has been on my mind a lot lately with what I have been through and still going through along with some friends of mine.
The thing that I am sure of though is that He gave His life on the cross at the age 33. It also seems like the ages 26-35, let's say are the hardest year of a human's life or that is what I get when talking to my friends. It is that stage where you are learning who you really are and trying to get everything settled and stabled before you find or marry the "right" one if God has shown you then. They are the years that you live out in the "real" world because you are doing with all your schooling unless you are going to grad school. You have to plan your everyday by yourself because you don't have classes to go to. You see how you can handle things and you might have to change your self-care or start self-care. You might have to start going to counseling for some time.
Things can start to tempt us more and we can start to doubt ourselves a lot more. We learn how to stand up harder for what we believe in whether our passions or beliefs or both for some people. That stage of life is a time where we are growing and changing into the people God meant for us to be. It is a time where we can work on our passions, talents, and ministries. Time to put everything together and get stable or to where we belong for God. If I remember right and don't quote me on this, ask someone who knows better, but I think Jesus started his true and hardest ministries at the age of 30 or around then. He knew that God had called Him to tell people about Him and die for the people and their sins so He started his ministry around then.
He knew He was going to die for us and the reason why He was sent to the earth. I mean the Bible, in the Old Testament, sets of the "stage" for Him to come and He finishes it. He made it come true. He was aiming for the cross at the age of 33 and I believe He knew that somehow. We get His stories of the hard things He had to go through on His why there. He couldn't tell people who He was. He just had to act it and they had to accept it themselves and if they didn't get it, they were lost. He wanted to save them so that was probably hard for Him to keep quite about who He really was. He traveled to different cities a lot. He was even tempted by the devil some especially before the cross.
He even prayed in the garden before He went to the cross "Father, if there is any other way let it be done. If not, then let Your Will be done." We often forget to pray that for ourselves or for others in our lives. Just think people made from of Jesus too because of the miracles He did and the times He worked. I mean He even healed on the Sabbath, which was a day of rest but He had to get the work done for His Father. What keeps me going right now in my time of uncertainty is just knowing that Jesus was human too on that cross and He went through everything that I'm going through here on this earth.
His ministry was the cross and to get rid of our sins. He knew that and He still did the things He was suppose to. Yet sometimes, we get so caught up in this world and scared about what our ministry is suppose to be that we step back and/or doubt. We want to see the future but what if we really saw it. Would we go to it like Jesus did or would we run from it knowing that it would be hard? At the age of 30, I think Jesus was right in the middle of His ministry and His ministry wasn't easy. Just read all of His stories. He rested at some of the hardest places. He was confused about some of the things that His people were doing, yet He could do nothing. He had to fight for some people.
He even had to fight the devil at times. He even had one of his "friends" betray Him before He went to the cross. Life is not easy especially between the ages of 26-35 but it is a stage where we can get stronger in Christ. It is a stage of singleness for most of us that we can focus on Christ and be strong for Him and Live for Him. I think this past week the thought of "Jesus' ministry was to die on the cross at age 33 for my sins" has kept me going and wondering what my ministry can and should be. If He had to work with that "scary" thought in mind, then why am I so scared of what is next for me. I should be enjoying my time with Him and helping Him with His ministry in some way.
My challenge is asking these questions to yourself: "When you feel like giving up at something or whatever you are doing, just remember that Jesus had it harder then you and He kept going. Then ask yourself this question: "What if He stopped doing His ministry? Where would you be today?"
The thing that I am sure of though is that He gave His life on the cross at the age 33. It also seems like the ages 26-35, let's say are the hardest year of a human's life or that is what I get when talking to my friends. It is that stage where you are learning who you really are and trying to get everything settled and stabled before you find or marry the "right" one if God has shown you then. They are the years that you live out in the "real" world because you are doing with all your schooling unless you are going to grad school. You have to plan your everyday by yourself because you don't have classes to go to. You see how you can handle things and you might have to change your self-care or start self-care. You might have to start going to counseling for some time.
Things can start to tempt us more and we can start to doubt ourselves a lot more. We learn how to stand up harder for what we believe in whether our passions or beliefs or both for some people. That stage of life is a time where we are growing and changing into the people God meant for us to be. It is a time where we can work on our passions, talents, and ministries. Time to put everything together and get stable or to where we belong for God. If I remember right and don't quote me on this, ask someone who knows better, but I think Jesus started his true and hardest ministries at the age of 30 or around then. He knew that God had called Him to tell people about Him and die for the people and their sins so He started his ministry around then.
He knew He was going to die for us and the reason why He was sent to the earth. I mean the Bible, in the Old Testament, sets of the "stage" for Him to come and He finishes it. He made it come true. He was aiming for the cross at the age of 33 and I believe He knew that somehow. We get His stories of the hard things He had to go through on His why there. He couldn't tell people who He was. He just had to act it and they had to accept it themselves and if they didn't get it, they were lost. He wanted to save them so that was probably hard for Him to keep quite about who He really was. He traveled to different cities a lot. He was even tempted by the devil some especially before the cross.
He even prayed in the garden before He went to the cross "Father, if there is any other way let it be done. If not, then let Your Will be done." We often forget to pray that for ourselves or for others in our lives. Just think people made from of Jesus too because of the miracles He did and the times He worked. I mean He even healed on the Sabbath, which was a day of rest but He had to get the work done for His Father. What keeps me going right now in my time of uncertainty is just knowing that Jesus was human too on that cross and He went through everything that I'm going through here on this earth.
His ministry was the cross and to get rid of our sins. He knew that and He still did the things He was suppose to. Yet sometimes, we get so caught up in this world and scared about what our ministry is suppose to be that we step back and/or doubt. We want to see the future but what if we really saw it. Would we go to it like Jesus did or would we run from it knowing that it would be hard? At the age of 30, I think Jesus was right in the middle of His ministry and His ministry wasn't easy. Just read all of His stories. He rested at some of the hardest places. He was confused about some of the things that His people were doing, yet He could do nothing. He had to fight for some people.
He even had to fight the devil at times. He even had one of his "friends" betray Him before He went to the cross. Life is not easy especially between the ages of 26-35 but it is a stage where we can get stronger in Christ. It is a stage of singleness for most of us that we can focus on Christ and be strong for Him and Live for Him. I think this past week the thought of "Jesus' ministry was to die on the cross at age 33 for my sins" has kept me going and wondering what my ministry can and should be. If He had to work with that "scary" thought in mind, then why am I so scared of what is next for me. I should be enjoying my time with Him and helping Him with His ministry in some way.
My challenge is asking these questions to yourself: "When you feel like giving up at something or whatever you are doing, just remember that Jesus had it harder then you and He kept going. Then ask yourself this question: "What if He stopped doing His ministry? Where would you be today?"
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Am I Enough?
I'm probably going to share more then I need to but I know other people especially girls and women need to hear this too. As women and girls, we are so hard on ourselves. I have been told that but now I see it in my life. I see how hard I am on myself during every second of every day. Yet, it isn't worth it because we are much better then that. I'm seeing through the situations that I'm going through right now that I'm not good enough for them. To tell you the truth, that is a thought I have been believing all my life, whether about for guys to school performance. I always had that thought in the back of my head.
It is just getting worse, it seems, in real life because I'm trying so hard but yet I feel that weight of not being good enough fall on me more and more especially when I become stubborn and don't ask for help. I've finally hit rock bottom but it seems too hard to get back up again. I'm trying to stay on top of my bills and trying to understand the way to do things like get insurance and loans and so on. It is just so hard.
Today I was trying to get things done as fast as I could so I could have some free time to myself at the end of the week and it just put stress on me. I spent more time everywhere that I went, then I had planned. I spent a hour and a half at the drs. office, spent half a hour at the unemployment office, and 3 hours at Wal-mart waiting on my car to get fixed. I didn't have time to go to my yoga class tonight. I did all those things but yet I feel like it isn't good enough because I still have things left undone.
I know I am only 27 and I have some years to go but I was thinking about my heart's desire to be a stay at home mom especially while I was looking in the home area and frozen food section of Wal-Mart. You might think that is strange but really it isn't or at least not to me. I want a house now that I can decorate with all of the pretty things I see and just the way I want it. I have come to the idea that my house will be decorated in hues of browns with bears and sunflower with the sayings "Love, Hope, Faith" and/or "Love, Laugh, Live" but that right there shows you and me that I think I'm not enough yet.
Looking at the frozen food and thinking it is fine for a single women like me but I want to make meal plans and have enough food to by things to make so they are healthy enough for me. I want to have the time to cook healthy meals and/or a 4 course meal at least. I know I'm putting a lot of stones on my back by myself but it is what I want and I think I'm doing it because I know I have the time now. For some reason, I just can't make myself do it and there is another reason that I'm not good enough. Do you see where I'm going with this?
Yet, I know in God's eyes we are enough to Him but for some reason that is so hard for us to believe. I'm trying all these different things but yet I fail at each of them because I feel like I'm not enough. How do I get to the point where I feel like I am enough and that I shouldn't care what other people think about me? I will say counselors make it sound so simple and easy, when really it isn't. It is just something you have to grow into. Honestly, knowing this and knowing that I know I will never be enough for my future husband or children, kind of scares me a little bit because I know I have more things to keep up with then I do now especially if I'm a stay at home mom.
That is why I have to get my eyes fixed on God now so I'll be ready for those things when they come. I do want God to be the Center of my everything. I want to know that I am enough for Him and if I'm not for anyone else then too bad. I think this all started in grade school. When I moved to a new school and the kids they were teasing me. I just felt like I had to reach a level to be good enough and I would know when that level stopped or that I needed to work on it more because things would change.
For example, lets say a guy teases a girl for a few days or months and then he turns around and goes out with another girl. What message does that send the girl he is teasing for present and the future? Try really hard? Another example would be: During senior year, different pictures are taken of the people that have been there since Kindergarden. What message does that send the people who started at that school in a different grade? Did I ever really fit in? What if you had to be Miss Perfect because your parents worked at the same school? What if you had 4 other siblings to try and keep up with when you were growing up? The list could go on and on.
We all wear the mask, especially women and girls, of perfection and I got this under control when really we don't at all. We are really hurt inside but yet we don't want anyone to see because that would just be ugly and that is the life we are use to living. But what if we started to take off those masks of "good enough" and start to put on the masks of "I'm broken just like you. Yet, I'm willing to understand you if you are willing to understand me"? It would get rid of a lot of conflict in this world, wouldn't it? It can be a painful journey but I think I am just starting mine.
Another question to think about with all of this is: When we act like we are "good enough" are we really helping people by hiding who we are or are we really hurting them? I could see in some situations that I have been truthful with myself and the people around, I could have probably helped them even if it was just a little bit. It was something and something is better then nothing. I just feel like I could go on about this topic and you might see more entries on it through out the next few months as I am learning what it means to be "enough". I just feel like it is every women's though, even if we don't say it out loud because we were made to be the nurturer and caregiver. Men might fight with me on this one and I'm willing to fight back but when you look at what we really go through and understand us, we have a hard job too. That's just life.
We both have our differences and that even means differences in different ways and feelings. We, even, handle them differently. I'm so grateful that we have a God who forgives our sins rather then condemns us because we are so messed up and sinful. We could never get this men vs. women thing right.
It is just getting worse, it seems, in real life because I'm trying so hard but yet I feel that weight of not being good enough fall on me more and more especially when I become stubborn and don't ask for help. I've finally hit rock bottom but it seems too hard to get back up again. I'm trying to stay on top of my bills and trying to understand the way to do things like get insurance and loans and so on. It is just so hard.
Today I was trying to get things done as fast as I could so I could have some free time to myself at the end of the week and it just put stress on me. I spent more time everywhere that I went, then I had planned. I spent a hour and a half at the drs. office, spent half a hour at the unemployment office, and 3 hours at Wal-mart waiting on my car to get fixed. I didn't have time to go to my yoga class tonight. I did all those things but yet I feel like it isn't good enough because I still have things left undone.
I know I am only 27 and I have some years to go but I was thinking about my heart's desire to be a stay at home mom especially while I was looking in the home area and frozen food section of Wal-Mart. You might think that is strange but really it isn't or at least not to me. I want a house now that I can decorate with all of the pretty things I see and just the way I want it. I have come to the idea that my house will be decorated in hues of browns with bears and sunflower with the sayings "Love, Hope, Faith" and/or "Love, Laugh, Live" but that right there shows you and me that I think I'm not enough yet.
Looking at the frozen food and thinking it is fine for a single women like me but I want to make meal plans and have enough food to by things to make so they are healthy enough for me. I want to have the time to cook healthy meals and/or a 4 course meal at least. I know I'm putting a lot of stones on my back by myself but it is what I want and I think I'm doing it because I know I have the time now. For some reason, I just can't make myself do it and there is another reason that I'm not good enough. Do you see where I'm going with this?
Yet, I know in God's eyes we are enough to Him but for some reason that is so hard for us to believe. I'm trying all these different things but yet I fail at each of them because I feel like I'm not enough. How do I get to the point where I feel like I am enough and that I shouldn't care what other people think about me? I will say counselors make it sound so simple and easy, when really it isn't. It is just something you have to grow into. Honestly, knowing this and knowing that I know I will never be enough for my future husband or children, kind of scares me a little bit because I know I have more things to keep up with then I do now especially if I'm a stay at home mom.
That is why I have to get my eyes fixed on God now so I'll be ready for those things when they come. I do want God to be the Center of my everything. I want to know that I am enough for Him and if I'm not for anyone else then too bad. I think this all started in grade school. When I moved to a new school and the kids they were teasing me. I just felt like I had to reach a level to be good enough and I would know when that level stopped or that I needed to work on it more because things would change.
For example, lets say a guy teases a girl for a few days or months and then he turns around and goes out with another girl. What message does that send the girl he is teasing for present and the future? Try really hard? Another example would be: During senior year, different pictures are taken of the people that have been there since Kindergarden. What message does that send the people who started at that school in a different grade? Did I ever really fit in? What if you had to be Miss Perfect because your parents worked at the same school? What if you had 4 other siblings to try and keep up with when you were growing up? The list could go on and on.
We all wear the mask, especially women and girls, of perfection and I got this under control when really we don't at all. We are really hurt inside but yet we don't want anyone to see because that would just be ugly and that is the life we are use to living. But what if we started to take off those masks of "good enough" and start to put on the masks of "I'm broken just like you. Yet, I'm willing to understand you if you are willing to understand me"? It would get rid of a lot of conflict in this world, wouldn't it? It can be a painful journey but I think I am just starting mine.
Another question to think about with all of this is: When we act like we are "good enough" are we really helping people by hiding who we are or are we really hurting them? I could see in some situations that I have been truthful with myself and the people around, I could have probably helped them even if it was just a little bit. It was something and something is better then nothing. I just feel like I could go on about this topic and you might see more entries on it through out the next few months as I am learning what it means to be "enough". I just feel like it is every women's though, even if we don't say it out loud because we were made to be the nurturer and caregiver. Men might fight with me on this one and I'm willing to fight back but when you look at what we really go through and understand us, we have a hard job too. That's just life.
We both have our differences and that even means differences in different ways and feelings. We, even, handle them differently. I'm so grateful that we have a God who forgives our sins rather then condemns us because we are so messed up and sinful. We could never get this men vs. women thing right.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
What Has my Last Job Taught Me About Life?
As I look back on my last job, I realized that I learned a lot about children, other people, and myself. There is no better way to be in a job for 2 and a half years where you have to given more of yourself then you can handle. If you want to be missionary in life, I suggest working at a shelter of some sort to see if you can do it or see what you have to change about yourself or work on. My last job changed my life more then I can image any other job doing just because of the type of job it was. It is going to be hard to fine another "plain" preschool job and get back in the routine of that like I was before but we'll see what God has in store for me.
Right now, God is just working on me in a lot of ways and healing the hurts from my last job. People working at those type of jobs might not admit it until later but whether you want to admit it or not you do get hurt in a lot of ways, whether physically or emotionally, whether by co-workers or supervisors, or admin. The job can be tough and can be coming from you in all directions. It is also hard to talk about outside of work because it is world no one really knows about. It is something that we try to keep hidden in today's world but yet it is so sad and we need to change that.
I will say on here that I have been talking to my counselor about some of the things that went on at work and it has helped me see what I need to change about me but I also saw some things when I was working that but I was in such a routine that I didn't change or felt like I had the time to change. The things I'm talking to my counselor about I knew I had a little bit of a problem with before my past job but I'm pretty sure things got bigger and worse the longer I stayed there without doing anything about it. Just to be on the safe side of things, I could have changed some things but some things I couldn't and some things I tried but I felt like no one was listening. I guess you could say that I learned about three Cs. See if you can figure them out.
The first thing that I learned was children are really needy and I mean that in a good and cute way. It is such a great reminder to us, adults, how we should be towards Christ. When the children come to us for healing and love, we should go to Christ for that and no one else. We could just get hurt by the people around us but if we go to Christ we are safe in His Arms. They are smarter then you think too. They know how to get what they want but at the same time they know what is right and what is wrong, most of them anyways. They just have to be raised up with doing the same thing over and over again like other people are. We keep on getting on to them because they won't do it right the first or second or even third time but does Christ get on to us when we don't get it right the 1st or 2nd time. No! Children really can't get along without their everyday life. That is where I lean that OT and our senses are so important to us along with our brain.
The second thing that I learned is "it is all about how you communicate with people". I will say that I have never worked at a place in my life where there was no or very little or clear communication. Now I know I need to work on my communication too but it is a two way street. It is important to say what you are thinking so you don't get mad at the people you are working with. There are ways to say things nicely. It might take me awhile to get to that point but if I care enough and try really hard I could get there. It is communication that make things easier in the long run. If you tell me what to do or how you feel then I know. I know I could ask what is wrong when I see that you are down or do you need help with something. I could get to know people better but I'm not the only one and when you work at a job, there is more then just 3 or 4 people, there is a whole brunch of people trying to get on the same page but are confused.
I have also learned that non-verbal communication is much more easier to read and do then words coming out of your month. People will go by your non-verbal actions more then your words so that is where our actions better match our words. If they don't, then we need to fix something whether it is taking a few days off or talking to someone about what is bothering you or what is going on. We can stop the words from coming out of our months but we cannot stop the non verbal communication because sometimes it is habit and other times we just totally don't know we are doing it because we are that upset or happy about something.
I have also learned that conflict is important for friendships, job, and relationships. Conflict might be hard in the moment when it happens but that is why you need to prepare yourself or take time for yourself. When it is a friend or someone close to me, I do either walk away or wait a few days to write them back so I can think and calm down. It is the jobs that get me, though, because I don't have time to think right at that moment. My brain takes longer to process things. I am learning, though, and my last job made me see that I really need to work on in the moment things. I need to talk positivitly to myself so I will be ready for what is ahead of me. You can never be prepared for a disagreement or someone that is hurting but in a way you can think confidently of yourself and over time that should help you stand up nicely for yourself and others. If I have learned anything from conflict over the years, it is that conflict within yourself and even with other people will make you stronger with self and closer to others then before.
Then I have one last thing that I learned but it doesn't start with a "c" and that is self care. I guess it could be the 4 things I learned if you want to call it just "care". I heard about self care before I took my last job and I felt like I needed on my worst days whether at work or in college but I really didn't pay attention to it until this job. I was taking care of myself before this job. My other jobs were "easy" and I just had me to worry about but my last job I worried about the children and what they did that day and tried to figure out what I could do differently the next day to help them. I felt like I was letting them down when I didn't help them. It was all about them and there was no room for taking care of me and that was wrong. I needed that self care to help those children. I couldn't do it on my own. The job taught me what I feel like when I am out of energy and need that self care. I would write on here and say prayers for the children that I couldn't get out of my mind. I would also start to run or walk here and there or I would go outside and just sit and write or read but things got too busy and I stopped.
Coming from a mind that as always been sat in the missionary mind set and caring/loving/compassionate mind set too, I never knew or would take anyone's advice on self care but now that I looked back I wish I did. Self care is a real thing and it is a really good thing for each of us. It is funny how I never heard of those words until I moved to AR, in the Wal-Mart world, it is what each of my friends were talking about. They were talking about how they took care of themselves and why and I remember thinking "why and what is that?" Well, now I see when you have a stressful job like a ministry or big company, it is vital that you have some kind of self care for yourself. Something you like to do, that will let you rest and go away from the world at times. Something that relaxes you and give you your energy back to be ready to face another day.
Strange the things you learn in your late 20s, huh? Things you never thought of or thought you would never need because as a teen or college student you had things under your control. Things were easy back then. All of these things, do you think they are what grown ups mean when they tell you, "to grow up". Sometimes I wonder because those are things you just have to learn how to handle yourself, people can show you how but you have to be willing to do it. These are only a few things I'm looking at right now, I know there is a lot more to come.
Right now, God is just working on me in a lot of ways and healing the hurts from my last job. People working at those type of jobs might not admit it until later but whether you want to admit it or not you do get hurt in a lot of ways, whether physically or emotionally, whether by co-workers or supervisors, or admin. The job can be tough and can be coming from you in all directions. It is also hard to talk about outside of work because it is world no one really knows about. It is something that we try to keep hidden in today's world but yet it is so sad and we need to change that.
I will say on here that I have been talking to my counselor about some of the things that went on at work and it has helped me see what I need to change about me but I also saw some things when I was working that but I was in such a routine that I didn't change or felt like I had the time to change. The things I'm talking to my counselor about I knew I had a little bit of a problem with before my past job but I'm pretty sure things got bigger and worse the longer I stayed there without doing anything about it. Just to be on the safe side of things, I could have changed some things but some things I couldn't and some things I tried but I felt like no one was listening. I guess you could say that I learned about three Cs. See if you can figure them out.
The first thing that I learned was children are really needy and I mean that in a good and cute way. It is such a great reminder to us, adults, how we should be towards Christ. When the children come to us for healing and love, we should go to Christ for that and no one else. We could just get hurt by the people around us but if we go to Christ we are safe in His Arms. They are smarter then you think too. They know how to get what they want but at the same time they know what is right and what is wrong, most of them anyways. They just have to be raised up with doing the same thing over and over again like other people are. We keep on getting on to them because they won't do it right the first or second or even third time but does Christ get on to us when we don't get it right the 1st or 2nd time. No! Children really can't get along without their everyday life. That is where I lean that OT and our senses are so important to us along with our brain.
The second thing that I learned is "it is all about how you communicate with people". I will say that I have never worked at a place in my life where there was no or very little or clear communication. Now I know I need to work on my communication too but it is a two way street. It is important to say what you are thinking so you don't get mad at the people you are working with. There are ways to say things nicely. It might take me awhile to get to that point but if I care enough and try really hard I could get there. It is communication that make things easier in the long run. If you tell me what to do or how you feel then I know. I know I could ask what is wrong when I see that you are down or do you need help with something. I could get to know people better but I'm not the only one and when you work at a job, there is more then just 3 or 4 people, there is a whole brunch of people trying to get on the same page but are confused.
I have also learned that non-verbal communication is much more easier to read and do then words coming out of your month. People will go by your non-verbal actions more then your words so that is where our actions better match our words. If they don't, then we need to fix something whether it is taking a few days off or talking to someone about what is bothering you or what is going on. We can stop the words from coming out of our months but we cannot stop the non verbal communication because sometimes it is habit and other times we just totally don't know we are doing it because we are that upset or happy about something.
I have also learned that conflict is important for friendships, job, and relationships. Conflict might be hard in the moment when it happens but that is why you need to prepare yourself or take time for yourself. When it is a friend or someone close to me, I do either walk away or wait a few days to write them back so I can think and calm down. It is the jobs that get me, though, because I don't have time to think right at that moment. My brain takes longer to process things. I am learning, though, and my last job made me see that I really need to work on in the moment things. I need to talk positivitly to myself so I will be ready for what is ahead of me. You can never be prepared for a disagreement or someone that is hurting but in a way you can think confidently of yourself and over time that should help you stand up nicely for yourself and others. If I have learned anything from conflict over the years, it is that conflict within yourself and even with other people will make you stronger with self and closer to others then before.
Then I have one last thing that I learned but it doesn't start with a "c" and that is self care. I guess it could be the 4 things I learned if you want to call it just "care". I heard about self care before I took my last job and I felt like I needed on my worst days whether at work or in college but I really didn't pay attention to it until this job. I was taking care of myself before this job. My other jobs were "easy" and I just had me to worry about but my last job I worried about the children and what they did that day and tried to figure out what I could do differently the next day to help them. I felt like I was letting them down when I didn't help them. It was all about them and there was no room for taking care of me and that was wrong. I needed that self care to help those children. I couldn't do it on my own. The job taught me what I feel like when I am out of energy and need that self care. I would write on here and say prayers for the children that I couldn't get out of my mind. I would also start to run or walk here and there or I would go outside and just sit and write or read but things got too busy and I stopped.
Coming from a mind that as always been sat in the missionary mind set and caring/loving/compassionate mind set too, I never knew or would take anyone's advice on self care but now that I looked back I wish I did. Self care is a real thing and it is a really good thing for each of us. It is funny how I never heard of those words until I moved to AR, in the Wal-Mart world, it is what each of my friends were talking about. They were talking about how they took care of themselves and why and I remember thinking "why and what is that?" Well, now I see when you have a stressful job like a ministry or big company, it is vital that you have some kind of self care for yourself. Something you like to do, that will let you rest and go away from the world at times. Something that relaxes you and give you your energy back to be ready to face another day.
Strange the things you learn in your late 20s, huh? Things you never thought of or thought you would never need because as a teen or college student you had things under your control. Things were easy back then. All of these things, do you think they are what grown ups mean when they tell you, "to grow up". Sometimes I wonder because those are things you just have to learn how to handle yourself, people can show you how but you have to be willing to do it. These are only a few things I'm looking at right now, I know there is a lot more to come.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Wanting Benefits without the Work
First, I want to say that the title was the title of the sermon yesterday at church so I didn't make it up but when you look into it, it is true in the world today. I will try to explain it how I see it in my own life right now and if I can, a little bit of the way I see it in the world today. The verses were Jeremiah 21:1-14. The title of the chapter in the Bible is "God Rejects Zedekiah's Request". I will tell you some of the verses that touched my heart and what they mean to me and so on.
The first verse I liked was verse 2b. It says: "Perhaps the Lord will perform wonders for us in times past so that he (the king) will withdraw from us." This verse means to me and the way I understood the pastor preach it was: "Just because you ask and work, doesn't mean it is going to happen. You have to believe and follow God as well." I also like verse 8 because it says: "Furthermore, tell the people, This is what the Lord said, "See, I am setting before you the way of life and the way of death." That verse is kind of harsh if you think about it but when you think about it really hard God shouldn't have done that to the people or to us.
God is giving His people two choices. Do you want life or do you want death? It is as simple as that. It is funny when I think about it because choices work best with little children. You can give them two choices and they can pick. You do that so they can feel powerful and like they did it by themselves but they didn't. Do you think that God wants us to feel that way? Then when and if we noticed that it was really God all along we are thankful. It is just funny that God even those that to us all our life and we don't even know or think about it that way.
God gives us those two choices because He loves us so much and He doesn't want to get angry at or throw His Wrath down on us. God whether give us 100+ choices before He uses His Wrath against us. I really shouldn't say wrath, I should say teach us a lesson because it could be something as simple as losing you job because you were becoming too focused on that and not Him. I do have a question though about God's Wrath? What do you think God's Wrath would look like? I have two answers for you. The real and only answer is: God sent His wrath on His Son, Jesus when he was dieing on the cross for our sins. The way I like to look at it here on earth and still nothing can compare to God's wrath but I have worked with some children that will throw the longest, hardest, and loudest fits known to man and that's not as bad as God's wrath.
All God asks of us is to "Love Him with all our mind, with all our soul, and with all our heart." It's not that far from us, we can do it. We must act on it. When God tells us to do something, we must go do it. When God tells us to say something, we must say it. When God tells us to pray for something, then we must pray for it. Prayers can move mountains, even overseas. We must be listening to God and doing what the Bible says because the ways are in the Bible. We try to go to people who aren't Christians or who can't give Godly advice and we get lost. When we do go, most of us will just turn our backs and get mad at them while we are leaving because we don't want to do what they said. Well, guess what it is in the Bible. God said it, not them.
I love this saying that the pastor said and it will stick with me for a long time:
"God set two roads before you: life or death. Choose one."
I know none of this is easy because we are all humans and there is sin in this world. We should try our best, though, to follow God and win people for Him. Now I'm sharing this because I need help with it too. I'm not perfect by far at all. I probably need help more then anyone reading this but that is the sweet thing about Christian community. We can all work on it together and hold each other accountable for it.
All this to say (in my words): "If you want the benefit of life, then you need to work for God. If you want the benefit of death, you know what to do or it is more like 'not to do'."
"You don't get paid and special benefits if you don't do the work at your earthly job and this is God's job for you, so what would the difference be?"
The first verse I liked was verse 2b. It says: "Perhaps the Lord will perform wonders for us in times past so that he (the king) will withdraw from us." This verse means to me and the way I understood the pastor preach it was: "Just because you ask and work, doesn't mean it is going to happen. You have to believe and follow God as well." I also like verse 8 because it says: "Furthermore, tell the people, This is what the Lord said, "See, I am setting before you the way of life and the way of death." That verse is kind of harsh if you think about it but when you think about it really hard God shouldn't have done that to the people or to us.
God is giving His people two choices. Do you want life or do you want death? It is as simple as that. It is funny when I think about it because choices work best with little children. You can give them two choices and they can pick. You do that so they can feel powerful and like they did it by themselves but they didn't. Do you think that God wants us to feel that way? Then when and if we noticed that it was really God all along we are thankful. It is just funny that God even those that to us all our life and we don't even know or think about it that way.
God gives us those two choices because He loves us so much and He doesn't want to get angry at or throw His Wrath down on us. God whether give us 100+ choices before He uses His Wrath against us. I really shouldn't say wrath, I should say teach us a lesson because it could be something as simple as losing you job because you were becoming too focused on that and not Him. I do have a question though about God's Wrath? What do you think God's Wrath would look like? I have two answers for you. The real and only answer is: God sent His wrath on His Son, Jesus when he was dieing on the cross for our sins. The way I like to look at it here on earth and still nothing can compare to God's wrath but I have worked with some children that will throw the longest, hardest, and loudest fits known to man and that's not as bad as God's wrath.
All God asks of us is to "Love Him with all our mind, with all our soul, and with all our heart." It's not that far from us, we can do it. We must act on it. When God tells us to do something, we must go do it. When God tells us to say something, we must say it. When God tells us to pray for something, then we must pray for it. Prayers can move mountains, even overseas. We must be listening to God and doing what the Bible says because the ways are in the Bible. We try to go to people who aren't Christians or who can't give Godly advice and we get lost. When we do go, most of us will just turn our backs and get mad at them while we are leaving because we don't want to do what they said. Well, guess what it is in the Bible. God said it, not them.
I love this saying that the pastor said and it will stick with me for a long time:
"God set two roads before you: life or death. Choose one."
I know none of this is easy because we are all humans and there is sin in this world. We should try our best, though, to follow God and win people for Him. Now I'm sharing this because I need help with it too. I'm not perfect by far at all. I probably need help more then anyone reading this but that is the sweet thing about Christian community. We can all work on it together and hold each other accountable for it.
All this to say (in my words): "If you want the benefit of life, then you need to work for God. If you want the benefit of death, you know what to do or it is more like 'not to do'."
"You don't get paid and special benefits if you don't do the work at your earthly job and this is God's job for you, so what would the difference be?"
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Just Some Thoughts
I'm just going to write down some thoughts and quotes that I have read this past week from different places. Most of them comes from Proverbs 31 Ministries but other are just verses or thoughts that I saw around this past week. I'm writing them down so I can remember them and have them in a place where I can get to them easily. Some verses might go with some quotes or vice via.
-"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh."-Gen. 2:24 (NIV)
-Priority-that's what the other person (your spouse or friend) is= #1, not your parents or anyone else.
-Permanent-"to cling, keep close"
-Oneness-One man, one women, one flesh
-Openness and Purity (my favorite ones and ones I'm really working on)-
Nothing to hide and no barriers between the other person.
"God is glorified when we embrace and apply them."
"They (the 4 words above) should apply to our relationship with Him as well as with other people."
We should try and do them with God first and when we get to where we know what that looks like then we should do it to the people around us.
-"How could you implement these standards in your relationship with Christ?"
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"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered, "May your word be fulfilled in me."- Luke 1:38a (NIV)
"My greatest desire is to be the woman you called me to be and not anyone else."
What area of your life have you been comparing to another person's?
"Remember this week that God has given you qualities to match the need of the position He has called you to. Pray that He will help you embrace this truth instead of comparing yourself to others."
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"Do you want to please God? Then stay in step with Him. Walk where He would walk. Spend time with Him in HIs Word. And do it all faithfully-day in and day out even if it's difficult."- Whitney Capps- From Proverbs 31 Ministries
"What would you do if someone suggested you were wrong in a situation? Would you try to correct the problem or deny it like Cain did?
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me."- John 14:1
"I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears."-Psalm 34:4
"God, as we end this day there are so many things trying to steal our peace. May your presence cover every fear, every, sense of failure, and every worry."- Nine Koziarz- From Proverbs 31 Ministries
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This is just my personal prayer list that I came up with today in church:
Around the World:
-For the children overseas that are giving their lives for Christ.
-For us to have the boldness like those children for Christ.
-For the refugee children and families that are on the move
-Guatemala and their children
In My Home States:
-Abused and neglected children in your state (my state: AR)
-The Huntin' Grounds (personal ministry for me in the state of AR and MO but I know they would like any and all the prayers they could get, the more, the better)
Then you can pray things for you and that are going on in your life.
Just a different way and some steps on how to pray and what to pray for. I know a lot more things could be added on to the lists but this is my list and these things are what is on my heart.
-"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh."-Gen. 2:24 (NIV)
-Priority-that's what the other person (your spouse or friend) is= #1, not your parents or anyone else.
-Permanent-"to cling, keep close"
-Oneness-One man, one women, one flesh
-Openness and Purity (my favorite ones and ones I'm really working on)-
Nothing to hide and no barriers between the other person.
"God is glorified when we embrace and apply them."
"They (the 4 words above) should apply to our relationship with Him as well as with other people."
We should try and do them with God first and when we get to where we know what that looks like then we should do it to the people around us.
-"How could you implement these standards in your relationship with Christ?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered, "May your word be fulfilled in me."- Luke 1:38a (NIV)
"My greatest desire is to be the woman you called me to be and not anyone else."
What area of your life have you been comparing to another person's?
"Remember this week that God has given you qualities to match the need of the position He has called you to. Pray that He will help you embrace this truth instead of comparing yourself to others."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Do you want to please God? Then stay in step with Him. Walk where He would walk. Spend time with Him in HIs Word. And do it all faithfully-day in and day out even if it's difficult."- Whitney Capps- From Proverbs 31 Ministries
"What would you do if someone suggested you were wrong in a situation? Would you try to correct the problem or deny it like Cain did?
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me."- John 14:1
"I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears."-Psalm 34:4
"God, as we end this day there are so many things trying to steal our peace. May your presence cover every fear, every, sense of failure, and every worry."- Nine Koziarz- From Proverbs 31 Ministries
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is just my personal prayer list that I came up with today in church:
Around the World:
-For the children overseas that are giving their lives for Christ.
-For us to have the boldness like those children for Christ.
-For the refugee children and families that are on the move
-Guatemala and their children
In My Home States:
-Abused and neglected children in your state (my state: AR)
-The Huntin' Grounds (personal ministry for me in the state of AR and MO but I know they would like any and all the prayers they could get, the more, the better)
Then you can pray things for you and that are going on in your life.
Just a different way and some steps on how to pray and what to pray for. I know a lot more things could be added on to the lists but this is my list and these things are what is on my heart.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Addicted to Anxiety-Part 2
Here is my other entry from the Anxiety Conference that I went to this past week or two. It is going to be about a 3 step calming down way that the main speaker, Sarah Gross, talked about most of the conference. It is called "Stop, Drop, and Roll".
Step 1-"Stop"
-You stop what is making you anxious. Just stop right in the middle of it or when you are starting to get anxious.
Step 2-"Drop"
-Fall to your knees and give your anxiety of to God. Pray about what is giving you that anxiety.
"Don't let fear take control. Turn it over to God."
Step 3-"Roll"
-Roll it over to God. Once you have prayed to God about it, then you give (roll) it totally over to God. Forget all about it because it is in God's hands now.
Three simple steps to say, but when we try or want to do the 3 steps, it is really hard. We don't want to give everything over to God because sometimes we don't trust Him with it or we are scared of what He is going to do with it. Even though, we know that He knows us best. It is just in our sinful, human nature to keep ahold of things.
It is funny on my side of this whole anxiety thing when I think about it because I know when I have had enough of the fighting and the anxious feelings. My "too much" feeling is when I start to cry. I can't take anymore of these things so I just need to get away for a little while. Instead of telling people that, since I'm not big on talking, I tend to cry it out.
This might also sound strange but the more we lean into anxiety, the more it will lean us towards God. Read Matthew 6:33.
Anxious in Greek means "separation" so that, I believe, is an easy way for the devil to get ahold of people and turn them away from God but if we see that then we can fight back even harder and that is how it draws us closer to God. Look up: Proverbs 1:7. For me, I see it as time that I need to take to slow down and think about things. Get back on the right track with things and people, especially where I am right now. You and I can get so anxious that it makes our bodies and minds so sleepy and sick that we cannot think about what we are doing at the moment.
I can't remember if I put this in the 1st entry about anxiety but here is another quote I got from the conference: "Anxiety draws us closer to the Savior".
When the conference was coming to an end I thought of something. That something was: "Bring Beauty to Women". I thought about that because it was a huge room full of women, listening to mainly women talk about anxiety. I mean I see that, as women, we are mostly affected by it because of the things we do and go through but there were some men that talked and knew about anxiety too. It is just neat to have seen a big room full of women that is and was going through anxiety. It was very encouraging to see as many women as I did. Now I know that I am not alone but then again, I never was. I always had God by my side.
Step 1-"Stop"
-You stop what is making you anxious. Just stop right in the middle of it or when you are starting to get anxious.
Step 2-"Drop"
-Fall to your knees and give your anxiety of to God. Pray about what is giving you that anxiety.
"Don't let fear take control. Turn it over to God."
Step 3-"Roll"
-Roll it over to God. Once you have prayed to God about it, then you give (roll) it totally over to God. Forget all about it because it is in God's hands now.
Three simple steps to say, but when we try or want to do the 3 steps, it is really hard. We don't want to give everything over to God because sometimes we don't trust Him with it or we are scared of what He is going to do with it. Even though, we know that He knows us best. It is just in our sinful, human nature to keep ahold of things.
It is funny on my side of this whole anxiety thing when I think about it because I know when I have had enough of the fighting and the anxious feelings. My "too much" feeling is when I start to cry. I can't take anymore of these things so I just need to get away for a little while. Instead of telling people that, since I'm not big on talking, I tend to cry it out.
This might also sound strange but the more we lean into anxiety, the more it will lean us towards God. Read Matthew 6:33.
Anxious in Greek means "separation" so that, I believe, is an easy way for the devil to get ahold of people and turn them away from God but if we see that then we can fight back even harder and that is how it draws us closer to God. Look up: Proverbs 1:7. For me, I see it as time that I need to take to slow down and think about things. Get back on the right track with things and people, especially where I am right now. You and I can get so anxious that it makes our bodies and minds so sleepy and sick that we cannot think about what we are doing at the moment.
I can't remember if I put this in the 1st entry about anxiety but here is another quote I got from the conference: "Anxiety draws us closer to the Savior".
When the conference was coming to an end I thought of something. That something was: "Bring Beauty to Women". I thought about that because it was a huge room full of women, listening to mainly women talk about anxiety. I mean I see that, as women, we are mostly affected by it because of the things we do and go through but there were some men that talked and knew about anxiety too. It is just neat to have seen a big room full of women that is and was going through anxiety. It was very encouraging to see as many women as I did. Now I know that I am not alone but then again, I never was. I always had God by my side.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
How to Handle Conflict?
I don't know what to title this entry just yet. I know it needs a better one but can't think of one right now. What is conflict and how do you handle it? That has been the question on my mind this week and it has been an interesting one. I have been focusing on how I handle conflict with my brain and just my actions and words. I have found out a few different things. There are many ways that you can have conflict and for many different reasons.
I have looked at conflict 4 different ways this week and it has really helped me. The first way was when I am the withdrawer away from conflict. This part I talked about with my counselor and I am not scared to talk about it. There might be a lot more entries about some things that I have talked to her about because I'm learning about myself and I think it will help other people too like this whole conflict thing. I will admit that I am a bad withdrawer from conflict. I avoid conflict whenever I can. I will tell you that I am really bad at avoiding conflicts with friends whether guys or girls, but mostly guys.
I walk away from the conflict feeling useless and like I couldn't change a thing. I feel scared because they saw the real me and I didn't want them to or if we would get into a conflict they would see the real me and that is scary. When things get hard and I don't understand them, I shut down my feelings and walk away. I don't try to understand them and if I do it is like days later but I am scared to go back to the person or group and forgive or talk to them. I'm kind of stubborn that way and I need to stop that. It is not good for me to be in so many conflicts in my life. I'm scared that I won't get anywhere if I don't share what I am feeling.
I don't know how many times I have walked away from people I cared about or pushed them away because I couldn't handle conflict. It would go one way or the other. It seems like I would never meet them in the middle like I never knew how to get in the middle. I don't know how many jobs I have lost because I just couldn't handle conflict that great. My heart is the compassionate and caring kind. I want everyone to be happy and get along great. I'm not just saying that because I want people to like me. If you know me, you would agree. Now I'm thinking that I am starting to see what the middle looks like in a conflict. What does it really mean to compromise?
What I need to learn from the people around me and my counselor is how to handle the conflicts. All different kinds of conflict. There could be conflicts with people at your jobs, your spouses, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your friends, or just someone walking by you. There is conflict in this world because we are not prefect at all so why try to be and why keep showing the perfection when really we are not. If we don't show that we are messed up, then people will think something is wrong with us because they will think we are not normal.
I am that kind of person where I have to have a moment to step away and think about the conflict for a few days. I get too overwhelmed when I am in the middle of a conflict with everything being thrown at me at one time. There are two situations recently that I had to walk away and think about them and then response back. I responded back in a nicer way then if I would have if
I did it right after the situation happened.
First situation could be when a friend says something that hurts you or that you don't agree with. People can say things to us that hits us the wrong way at first but if we take the time to think about it, they could be right. They could see something that we don't see in ourselves and even though that might scare us at first and we don't want to admit it, we need to. I like to think about it this way: If it is about us and it makes us mad, we need to think on it before we say anything to the person that said it. In this situation, I took a couple to 3 days to think about what my friend really said to me and I agreed with my friend. I was bothering my friend too much and I needed to step back and I have been trying and getting better at it. I was complaining to my friend when my friend didn't want to hear about it or didn't understand it because we didn't see each other that much.
Second situation could be when you cannot tell the people higher up at your job what you are truly feeling because you are scared that they judge you for what you say. Those feelings could true into anger and bitterness, depending on the situation, of course. That is not good when you are working but then again, I needed the break to think and write out what I was feeling. It is a little different situation because I was standing up for something I was really passionate about but yet nothing was being done. I want to say and tell the end of my story because I really believe it will help the other co-workers and children but I'm going to keep it simple and true.
There are some times that you have to tell and show the people the true you to let them know why you are doing what you are doing and then there are those times where you just have to keep it simple so you don't cause a mess. It just depends of if it is one on one or against a big company or organization. You want to do what is the best for the both of you and the faster. For me, either way though, I need time to walk away and think about what to say next and I need to say it instead of walking away for good or pushing the other person away.
We just need to remember that God Loves Us as we are as our own person. We need to be a God pleasing person, not a people pleasing person. God is the only one that can save us when we need it, people cannot not.
I have looked at conflict 4 different ways this week and it has really helped me. The first way was when I am the withdrawer away from conflict. This part I talked about with my counselor and I am not scared to talk about it. There might be a lot more entries about some things that I have talked to her about because I'm learning about myself and I think it will help other people too like this whole conflict thing. I will admit that I am a bad withdrawer from conflict. I avoid conflict whenever I can. I will tell you that I am really bad at avoiding conflicts with friends whether guys or girls, but mostly guys.
I walk away from the conflict feeling useless and like I couldn't change a thing. I feel scared because they saw the real me and I didn't want them to or if we would get into a conflict they would see the real me and that is scary. When things get hard and I don't understand them, I shut down my feelings and walk away. I don't try to understand them and if I do it is like days later but I am scared to go back to the person or group and forgive or talk to them. I'm kind of stubborn that way and I need to stop that. It is not good for me to be in so many conflicts in my life. I'm scared that I won't get anywhere if I don't share what I am feeling.
I don't know how many times I have walked away from people I cared about or pushed them away because I couldn't handle conflict. It would go one way or the other. It seems like I would never meet them in the middle like I never knew how to get in the middle. I don't know how many jobs I have lost because I just couldn't handle conflict that great. My heart is the compassionate and caring kind. I want everyone to be happy and get along great. I'm not just saying that because I want people to like me. If you know me, you would agree. Now I'm thinking that I am starting to see what the middle looks like in a conflict. What does it really mean to compromise?
What I need to learn from the people around me and my counselor is how to handle the conflicts. All different kinds of conflict. There could be conflicts with people at your jobs, your spouses, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your friends, or just someone walking by you. There is conflict in this world because we are not prefect at all so why try to be and why keep showing the perfection when really we are not. If we don't show that we are messed up, then people will think something is wrong with us because they will think we are not normal.
I am that kind of person where I have to have a moment to step away and think about the conflict for a few days. I get too overwhelmed when I am in the middle of a conflict with everything being thrown at me at one time. There are two situations recently that I had to walk away and think about them and then response back. I responded back in a nicer way then if I would have if
I did it right after the situation happened.
First situation could be when a friend says something that hurts you or that you don't agree with. People can say things to us that hits us the wrong way at first but if we take the time to think about it, they could be right. They could see something that we don't see in ourselves and even though that might scare us at first and we don't want to admit it, we need to. I like to think about it this way: If it is about us and it makes us mad, we need to think on it before we say anything to the person that said it. In this situation, I took a couple to 3 days to think about what my friend really said to me and I agreed with my friend. I was bothering my friend too much and I needed to step back and I have been trying and getting better at it. I was complaining to my friend when my friend didn't want to hear about it or didn't understand it because we didn't see each other that much.
Second situation could be when you cannot tell the people higher up at your job what you are truly feeling because you are scared that they judge you for what you say. Those feelings could true into anger and bitterness, depending on the situation, of course. That is not good when you are working but then again, I needed the break to think and write out what I was feeling. It is a little different situation because I was standing up for something I was really passionate about but yet nothing was being done. I want to say and tell the end of my story because I really believe it will help the other co-workers and children but I'm going to keep it simple and true.
There are some times that you have to tell and show the people the true you to let them know why you are doing what you are doing and then there are those times where you just have to keep it simple so you don't cause a mess. It just depends of if it is one on one or against a big company or organization. You want to do what is the best for the both of you and the faster. For me, either way though, I need time to walk away and think about what to say next and I need to say it instead of walking away for good or pushing the other person away.
We just need to remember that God Loves Us as we are as our own person. We need to be a God pleasing person, not a people pleasing person. God is the only one that can save us when we need it, people cannot not.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
God KEPT Me
"Who keeps us in life And does not allow our feet to slip." Psalm 66:9, NIV
I got this idea from an daily devo. from "Daughters of the King". I love the verse because it is a great reminder that God keeps us and is with us. He doesn't allow our feet to slip. I am going to list some things that God has KEPT me going through and from.
1. God has KEPT me in His Hands.
2. God KEPT me because He has something greater in store for me.
3. God has KEPT me in AR for 4 years.
4. God KEPT me sane, as long as He wanted to, during my last job.
5. God has KEPT me while my friends are moving away.
6. God has KEPT me through the sad times.
7. God has KEPT me during my high school years, while being made fun of.
8. God has KEPT me beautiful.
9. God KEPT me while I was going through college.
10. God KEPT me when I changed my majors.
11. God KEPT me when I felt all alone.
12. God KEPT my month shut when I wanted to open it.
13. God KEPT me moving, even when I wanted to give up.
14. God KEPT me protected.
15. God KEPT His promises to me.
16. God KEPT me fighting for what I believe in.
17. God KEPT giving me a job when the time was right.
18. God KEPT supporting me financially when I needed it.
19. God KEPT giving me wisdom and strength.
20. God KEPT giving me family that care and I can always go back to for rest.
21. God KEPT giving me friends that are strong and supportive with their faith.
22. God KEPT giving me a place to live.
23. God KEPT listening to me, even when I asked Him for little things.
24. God KEPT talking to me through His Word.
25. God KEPT on loving me, even when I would mess up.
26. Most importantly, God KEPT His Son on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven of all my sins.
Challenge for you: My Challenge for this entry is: See how many things you can think about that God KEPT.....Can you come up with 26 or more things?
I started out trying to think of things that were personal for me but when it comes down to it God does the same things for everyone who believes in Him. We would have to be a lot more detailed if we wanted to share what God has really KEPT us from.
I started out trying to think of things that were personal for me but when it comes down to it God does the same things for everyone who believes in Him. We would have to be a lot more detailed if we wanted to share what God has really KEPT us from.
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