How to Handle Conflict?

         I don't know what to title this entry just yet. I know it needs a better one but can't think of one right now. What is conflict and how do you handle it? That has been the question on my mind this week and it has been an interesting one. I have been focusing on how I handle conflict with my brain and just my actions and words. I have found out a few different things. There are many ways that you can have conflict and for many different reasons.
         I have looked at conflict 4 different ways this week and it has really helped me. The first way was when I am the withdrawer away from conflict. This part I talked about with my counselor and I am not scared to talk about it. There might be a lot more entries about some things that I have talked to her about because I'm learning about myself and I think it will help other people too like this whole conflict thing. I will admit that I am a bad withdrawer from conflict. I avoid conflict whenever I can. I will tell you that I am really bad at avoiding conflicts with friends whether guys or girls, but mostly guys.
        I walk away from the conflict feeling useless and like I couldn't change a thing. I feel scared because they saw the real me and I didn't want them to or if we would get into a conflict they would see the real me and that is scary. When things get hard and I don't understand them, I shut down my feelings and walk away. I don't try to understand them and if I do it is like days later but I am scared to go back to the person or group and forgive or talk to them. I'm kind of stubborn that way and I need to stop that. It is not good for me to be in so many conflicts in my life. I'm scared that I won't get anywhere if I don't share what I am feeling.
        I don't know how many times I have walked away from people I cared about or pushed them away because I couldn't handle conflict. It would go one way or the other. It seems like I would never meet them in the middle like I never knew how to get in the middle. I don't know how many jobs I have lost because I just couldn't handle conflict that great. My heart is the compassionate and caring kind. I want everyone to be happy and get along great. I'm not just saying that because I want people to like me. If you know me, you would agree. Now I'm thinking that I am starting to see what the middle looks like in a conflict. What does it really mean to compromise?
        What I need to learn from the people around me and my counselor is how to handle the conflicts. All different kinds of conflict. There could be conflicts with people at your jobs, your spouses, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your friends, or just someone walking by you. There is conflict in this world because we are not prefect at all so why try to be and why keep showing the perfection when really we are not. If we don't show that we are messed up, then people will think something is wrong with us because they will think we are not normal.
         I am that kind of person where I have to have a moment to step away and think about the conflict for a few days. I get too overwhelmed when I am in the middle of a conflict with everything being thrown at me at one time. There are two situations recently that I had to walk away and think about them and then response back. I responded back in a nicer way then if I would have if
I did it right after the situation happened.
        First situation could be when a friend says something that hurts you or that you don't agree with. People can say things to us that hits us the wrong way at first but if we take the time to think about it, they could be right. They could see something that we don't see in ourselves and even though that might scare us at first and we don't want to admit it, we need to. I like to think about it this way: If it is about us and it makes us mad, we need to think on it before we say anything to the person that said it. In this situation, I took a couple to 3 days to think about what my friend really said to me and I agreed with my friend. I was bothering my friend too much and I needed to step back and I have been trying and getting better at it. I was complaining to my friend when my friend didn't want to hear about it or didn't understand it because we didn't see each other that much.
        Second situation could be when you cannot tell the people higher up at your job what you are truly feeling because you are scared that they judge you for what you say. Those feelings could true into anger and bitterness, depending on the situation, of course. That is not good when you are working but then again, I needed the break to think and write out what I was feeling. It is a little different situation because I was standing up for something I was really passionate about but yet nothing was being done. I want to say and tell the end of my story because I really believe it will help the other co-workers and children but I'm going to keep it simple and true.
         There are some times that you have to tell and show the people the true you to let them know why you are doing what you are doing and then there are those times where you just have to keep it simple so you don't cause a mess. It just depends of if it is one on one or against a big company or organization. You want to do what is the best for the both of you and the faster. For me, either way though, I need time to walk away and think about what to say next and I need to say it instead of walking away for good or pushing the other person away.
        We just need to remember that God Loves Us as we are as our own person. We need to be a God pleasing person, not a people pleasing person. God is the only one that can save us when we need it, people cannot not.