I don't just want to "find" those two things. I want those two things to be special and something I have to work for. Maybe not a lot but at least a little. My friends tell me not to compare my life with the other lives around me which I do a lot and I've done better at but I got into this mess lately that made me do that. I look around and everyone as a good job, they're leaving me to move on to something better, or they have some kind of a mate and here I am with none of those. I know I should be happy being single and all but at times it is hard especially when you don't know what you want to do as a single.
I have single friends that will go all out and go back to college or already live in a house and here I am still searching for my career. Trying to find out where my money will come from for college if I only work part time and so on. I'm learning a lot that with the next steps I want to take in my life I have to trust God fully and follow Him all the way.
There is no other way that you can live life fully if you are not trusting God with everything you have or you will be held back for a very long time. You can't have a career or person you love without God in those things.
To be honest, I don't feel like I fully get the whole relationship with God thing yet. I know there is so much more but I feel like I'm missing something important.
Maybe it is the devil trying to get a hold of me because He knows if I go forwards with God's plans that was easily shown to me this past week I will become stronger in God and he doesn't want that. He wants me to feel stuck in the same place over and over. He wants me to think that I can't have a better life when really I can. I can do so much more then I am doing now. I just have to let go and let God. The devil and I have been through this fight over a bunch of times and I'm just done fighting with him.
I have had thoughts about going into Special education or OT or something more to do with children but there is something that always stopped me. I'm done with it! I want to move on I want to take the hard way out. I have been raised and taught well enough to where I can save
money or work hard to earn that money. I'm not a picky buyer or eater. I could eat nothing or just fruit if certain times calls for that. I just know I am better then what I'm doing at now so why waste my time. Some of you might say that I'm not wasting my time and agree. There is a fine line where I am now about wasting my time and not wasting my time. I care about the children a lot but other things just aren't working for me.I'm a person with bigger dreams and I just don't want to be stuck where I am now for the rest of my life and the late 20s and early 30s are places to start settling down and getting into what you can call a career and not just a job. You are searching for your career then so that you can work on other things the rest of your life. I just need to pray bigger prayers and just be ready when God gives me the chance and/or answer. Don't doubt just go jump in with a little faith. Is this wrong of me to think this way? I know a career won't replace what God can do in my life. It won't make me happy. I just feel like God has done all He can with me here and taught me all he can and now He wants to take me deeper into my life to see more of what He can do with it. I've tried and no one is listening and if they are it seems like they are taking forever to get things done.
It might be scary at times but I really think I'm ready to move on into a new chapter of my life. Ready to look and feel professional. Ready to show them that I am really older then they think I am. Ready to show people that I can do an office job with children. I shouldn't be scared with God right by my side through everything. He will send people and things I need to get me through different things. That is what He has done so far and He will continue
to do that.
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