First Snow Day in the Fall

          There is no better way to spend the first snow day then with your own nephews. The leaves look so pretty with the snow on them. All of those different colors shining under a white blanket of snow. It was a lot to really play it but it was fun to walk out in it and watch them ride their bikes in it. I had a moment with my nephews that was pretty funny but before I share that I want to share what I thought when I first just looked out at the big falling snowflakes. They were big at first and then they got smaller when the day went on.
           The reason I was standing frozen on the porch and thinking while I was watching it come down was, "How fun would it be to be out in this falling snow while hunting?" Yes, I know most of you must think I am crazy but it is true. I wouldn't even have to be hunting as long as I was with someone that could hunt. I could enjoy God's beautiful creation with snow on top of everything. It would even be prettier if a deer came along in it. Could you just image that picture? Red and brown leaves with snow falling down and a deer right in the middle of everything.
           Anyways, back to reality because right now that is not my reality at all. Hint it would be a great birthday wish come true. :) Back to spending the day with my nephews. We spent the morning making two crafts. One was a pumpkin for Thanksgiving and the other one, believe it or not, was a paper plate snowman. The funny thing about the snowman was tat right after we got done making it. That is when it started to snow. They really wanted to build a real snowman out of snow but we didn't get enough to do that. We got enough just to barely cover the ground. They did make a few small snowballs from the snow of the back of my car and off of other things outside. I did get hit once with one snowball but that was it.
           Then we did come back in had hot cocoa to warm up. Then after lunch, we made more Christmas and wintery crafts with our feet and hands. It was a busy day, but at the same time, a fun day.  It was a fun first snow day for me. That's for sure. Otherwise, I would just be in my apartment probably just sewing some more circles together.
            This was more of a memory entry then a "teachable moment" entry. That is why it is so short. It was half of what my day was like. The most important parts at least. You know what was funny, though, through this day I learn in so many ways that one: God gives us 2nd chances (more reminded of that one) and two: God wants us to live a meaningful life, which both of them together comes down to: God has a plan for our lives. As the sermon was about last night at church, God is the ruler over our lives or at least should be. Those three things go together perfectly and I believe that there is a reason that God taught be those lessons in the same weekend. He will show me in His Time, though.

Saying, "I Love You"

          As I was laying in bed wide awake last night, I thought, "When do I say I love you to anyone and when do I really mean it? What does it feel like when I do mean and how can I tell?" To be honest, it got me to worrying so much I was a wake for sometime. I know I have wrote about the different kinds of love in the past months and I'm starting to think that there are those different kinds. I never really thought about, though, how or when I say it and what I'm doing in that moment.  Here are just some types and moments where I do say, "I love you" and what I feel like if I can explain it.
           First, I say I love you to the children that I work with because they need to hear it from someone. There are moments there where I do love them more then others but I try to say it as often as I can especially if I feel a connection with them. To me, it is important that every child should know that they are loved no matter what. I try to tell them at the worst of times and at the best of times so they know no matter what I will always love them. If I do get a real connection with them I will know because I will say "I love you" before they leave and try not to cry while saying it.
           Second, I say "I love you" to my family. More to my nieces and nephews because they need to know that their aunt loves them. I tell them that when they leave and/or at bedtime. It is sort of a strange feeling because I'm not use to saying "I Love you" in my immediate family but the little kids need to know and it is just cute how they say it back. It makes an aunt feel special. I hesitate for some reason every now and again but I know they need to hear it so I say it. If that makes any sense at all.
            Third, I'll be honest I don't say "I love you" to anyone in my immediate family which is sad but at the same time I know they love me when they help me out with things or just because we get along so well. I know I will take that for granted one day so I need to get better at it but none of us share our feelings (aka talk about them) and maybe it is because I never really grew up around most of them. Sounds bad but being second to youngest it is true. I only got really close to my little brother and remember most of the things I did with him. The others were off in their teenage years and college years.
             Fourth, I sometimes wonder about the fourth kind of love and if I will ever be able to say "I love you" to my husband. Will I ever be able to say "I love you" to just one guy and get a certain feeling every time I say it? Will I know when to say it? I want to know what that feels like but then it is so hard to wrap my mind around. I want the experiences that come with saying that but at the same time it just makes me scared. It is a kind of commitment that I'm willing to make because I am that loyal type but when and how.
            Last but not least, God's unconditional Love for us. It is us saying "I love you because you first loved me". God showed us what real Love looks like and in a way we might feel different or think different things with these different people but we are doing the same thing as God did for us. He gave up something for us and that something was His Son, Jesus Christ. We give up time, money, energy, passions, and other things for human love but could we ever give up another human for more love. Could we ever make that sacrifice? Think about it the next time you say "I love you" to someone. I'm not comparing the two loves but it is a great reminder about how much God's Love is then any other of these loves.

Teaching is my Heart

          As I saw all the children's art on the wall, I thought to myself I really want to go back to teaching again. I miss it so much. Nothing has made me happier then seeing children's art on the wall and recognizing that some of that art is the same are that I am doing with the children I have now. It is like just seeing their art on the wall gave me the encouragement that I need to keep pushing forwards where I am now.
           Teaching is my heart. That is who I am no matter the background of the child. That is how I grew up and learn to do things. I might not have them for a year but that doesn't mean we should stop teaching them altogether. It might be a different program or way we use but surely there is something out that. If not, let's be the first to make it.
            Teaching is my heart. I miss the organization that comes with teaching. I miss the calmness that also comes with it on most days. It is hard to explain to people. Loving to teach is a special feeling that God gives you. You know you are making a different in those children's lives and you see it. Yeah, you can teach with play there is more of a chance to see it faster if you teach it to them. They need to know how to follow directions and how to act around other children but they need to be taught that. We are teaching anyways everyday so why not make it fun instead of feeling like we are doing the same things over every day.
              Being a teacher's kid, that is one of my problems. I get bored too easily and don't want to stay in one spot for so long especially since my mom was the hands on type of teacher.  I love being creative with the children and seeing what they can come up with or how they make things. I love being able to see what they can do and what they cannot do. I saw this 2 year old girl one time that knew how to hold a fat marker just right. Not only did she hold the marker just right, she also held the paper right while she was drawing on it. That is not something to expect a 2 year old. They are still learning or just learning how to draw and what paper and coloring is. It is moments like those that make my day.
               It is especially special when you see special needs children or children that are developmentally behind learn something new for the first time and know that you taught them that. They might remember you because you taught them something that was important. It is special when you can get them caught up where they should be even if it is feeling wise or behaviorally or all of the above. To me, when I see the children doing the same things over everyday for weeks, I feel like they are learning nothing. Granted I do see some changes in behaviors and physical when is good but there are ways to be sure that they do.
               This is my soapbox because like I said teaching is my heart and I love to see children learn. I just think that if we get so caught up in everyday work that we are not teaching the children anything at all because we feel like we have to get everything done. Maybe that is just me and my perfectionism but still it somewhat makes sense especially in today's busy world. Why do you think parents are dropping children off at daycares these days even with the payment so high?
               Anyways, just some thoughts about children and learning again. I do really miss teaching though. I also miss everything that comes with it feelings and all but now I know.

The Fig Tree- Mark 11:12-14

          "The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.”And his disciples heard him say it." -Mark 11: 12-14

          These verses were the first part of the sermon last night and I thought it was neat the way the preacher explained it. I never thought 3 little verses could mean so much but he made these verses hit home for me last night. We think that the fig tree is a little bush and in most Sunday school pictures that is how it is shown but it is not. It is a big, strong, tall tree. Jesus cursed the big dig tree. To the disciples and to us, it might seem silly that Jesus cursed a tree at first but when you really look into it is not so silly.

           The fig tree only had leaves on it and was bearing no fruit. Even though it wasn't the time of season for it to bear fruit Jesus still put a curse on it. Why? You might be asking. To Jesus, it was a lesson for his disciples. One other important thing it also said that Jesus was hungry and that is the only time that is mentioned in the Bible. This is my thought on the writer putting that phase in that about Jesus being hungry. People are hungry for God all around us, all the time. 

           Jesus wanted/needed something to eat and to make Him well but the tree didn't have anything yet. All the tree had was leaves. The tree looked great on the outside but it wasn't growing any fruit for people to eat. It hit me last night when the preacher said that we are like that fig tree sometimes. We look good on the outside but not the inside. We are not as fruitful as we should be.

            We get so caught up and busy in our own things that we forget about what Jesus wants us to do or where He has us in our life. We always want something better for us when we know that Jesus knows us best. We put a front on the outside, when really we are hurting on the inside and sometimes when we are hurting we should share that with people. We should share it because then people can see how God is working in our lives by turning the "bad" into the "good". When we have those close friendships, people can see God working through us. Changing us for who He wants us to be. 

            A phase that really got to me last night during the sermon was, "Christ wants more then busyness and posers." He wants lives that bears fruit for Him and only Him. He wants us to live for Him. If we are busy trying to reach a level at work or make something of ourselves but not looking towards Him, it is wasteful. He will put a curse on us like He did the fig tree but if we are fruitful and keep being that then He will bless us beyond more then we can ever think. 

           There is a second part the sermon about the cleansing of the Temple that I will write about later this week. Probably around Wednesday.

City Life vs. Country Life

        I can't believe it has been almost 4 days since I wrote in my blog. Oh! wait! yes I can. It has been a busy a stressful four days. It has also been uncertain for me. You know when you have all these crazy thoughts but yet you have no idea how you are going to make time for everything that goes into those thoughts? That is me right now and will be in the next week or possibly two months since it is the Holiday season now.
        I believe that God has been showing me a lot about my path and my future. I hate when I think about those two things but every once in awhile those are things we need to think about even if we love where we are in life right now. I've been thinking about it in a crazy, yet possible, way. For me, right now, it is this battle in my heart of city life vs. country life. For most of you who know me, you know I am country life all the way. Even my personality is country lifestyle. I'm the easygoing, laid-back, outdoorsy, don't care type of girl so busy things annoy me.
        God gave me a moment this past week when I heard Him say "Stop and listen" and it felt like no one else was around me and that one person I was listening to. People have been hard on me about how I have good listening skills and how I need a job to use those skills. Since they have been talking about it I have been paying more attention to why I don't listen to people and it all comes down to the city life. The city life is too busy and rushed for me. Seems like everything has to be done and done now. No one gets a break from anything. It is a coffee stop for a hour until that person has to be somewhere. It is I have to hurry up and get this done. It is a lot more things that I have grown into the past 3 years and honestly I don't like it.
          I really do believe that God gave me the personality to live out in the country where it is calm and quite. Where people know everyone because they take the time to know them. They go for walks in the outdoors or spend time in the woods together, yes I'll say it, hunting. They spend time in God's Creation and listen to God while they are spending time there. They are seeing signs of Him everywhere whether you live on a farm or just go hang out at a park. You learn to slow down and take each moment in because it is important even with family. Those type of people just seem to be more encouraging too because they take the time to slow down and see people that needs it.
          Country people really take the time to process things slowly and they can because people don't mind it. When you have to make the choice in a couple of days it is stressful. There is this wide open space that you can spend time in and enjoy by yourself in your pjs. Where in the city you are even scared to go running in your running clothes because someone might see you. You have to have the latest style running clothes which just cost more money that could go to something more meaningful. In the city, you are also closed in either in an apartment or in little neighborhoods.
          Another thing is that country people seems to be more closer to each other which is strange because they live so far away. Yet, churches, shops, schools and other things are so small so you know everyone there. You spend more time when you do see them because you know it might be awhile until you are up that way again. They have to make a certain time to see each other because it takes forever to get to just one place.
           Just to make it clear I'm not pointing any fingers or thinking about anyone while writing. I'm just writing the differences for myself and seeing for myself why I always keep going back to the country when the city annoys me. Why can't I handle the city stress? Oh! wait! it was because I was raise in the country and a small town all of my life. It is what I am use to and I'm not good at changing my ways and I won't to be honest. I still dream of living out in the country someday whether by myself or with someone. I want some land with a stream running through it that my children can play on. I want farm animals that they can help with.
           It just goes to show that city and country life are two different small cultures in a world of bigger cultures but we never take the time to see it that way.

Working on the Inside

          "Your heart is beautiful and I'm still working on it. I'm working on you from the inside to the outside. That's all that really matters right now. Once I get your heart where I want it then we will start to work on the outside."

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             I came up with this quote when I first woke up yesterday morning. As far as I know, I am the one that made it up and is saying it now. If it is from someone else and you know please let me know who. I will tell you how and why this quote came to mind as the first thing I thought about right after waking up to get ready for the day. 

             The crazy person that I am, some mornings, makes me look at Facebook while I'm in the process of waking up (aka laying in bed still). I got on Facebook that morning and a picture popped up that I really didn't want to see. It was nothing bad but just a picture that I had strange feelings about. After I saw that picture, it was like I was judging myself again like I wasn't nice enough or pretty enough to be in that picture. To tell you the truth, it isn't the first time that this had happen. 

              As I was thinking all those bad thoughts about me, it seemed like God was trying to break into my thoughts and remind me of who He made me to be or at least in the process of making me. It was like He was saying that quote in my heart and I was hearing Him. I will admit I had to repeat it several times before I got out of bed and got ready for the day. I just got up so down and worried about things because I can't seem to settle on anything right now. It is a good way to look at how God is working on things especially for us, girls. I will tell you what I think He was telling me in all of the words. 

             "Your heart is beautiful" was the first few words He put in my heart and those are the words I kept repeating mainly. He was saying just that, "Because of Me, your heart is beautiful and I will continue to make it beautiful." "Still working on it" was that last part. 

              "I'm working on you from the inside to the outside" meant that He was working on my personality and feelings to my looks. He was going to match my looks to my personality but first He is giving me one to match. Beautiful inside and out. With this job, He is giving me a personality that is a caring and loving one. He is making me see the world for what is really is and then giving me the tears for it. 

                "Once I get where I want your heart to be then we will start working on the outside" meant that the heart and feelings come first to God and then everything else like looks comes after it. God looks at the heart not the outside. He cares about how we treat people and not how we look while with them. 

               I was also thinking about, that morning and the night before, how I need to upgrade my clothes to my age in the next few months. Do I really look like I'm going to be 27 or do I look younger. Way younger? It wasn't just about clothes. It was also about career choices, college choices, family choices, living choices, and a lot of other choices. Where should I be right now? Am I where I should be at this age? It was like my mind never slept that night because it was getting ready to encourage me so I could go on for that day and I did even though I had a huge headache when I got home. It was a great day! 

               I know God is leading me along a path that He has for me. I'm liking it but as humans we tend to doubt Him. That is when we need to get down on our knees and ask for forgiveness. He knows us better then we know ourselves. He knows what we really need to get where we are going because He is the beginning and the end. He is the All-Knowing God! 

November is National Orphan/Adoption Month

         I did an entry in April about child abuse awareness because that was the month where we were made to be aware of it and it is something that I am passionate about. Well, this month is another month that I am passionate about and that is because it is National Adoption Month. Those two things go in hand for me especially at my job. Children get abused and taken from their parents for some time in the hope of getting to go back but some don't get that chance but some do get adopted, which is very special.
          I might be mistaken in saying and comparing the two months but this month means a lot more to me because even though we should be aware of the abuse going on for sure. We should also speak up for adoption so those abuse children can have a forever family. Adoption is a important subject to me and close to heart. Working my job, I'm learning a lot about my adoption through Christ and what that looked like. That is why adoption is close to me. Even though, I don't know what it feels like with "real" humans, I know what it is like with Christ.
          If you are a Christian, then you have been adopted and you should pass that great feeling on to a child who needs to be adopted. I'm not saying go and adopt a child now because I know not everyone can. It is a lot of money and there are special people that God has called to go adopted. I believe that in some way everyone can support and family or a child that is adopting or being adopting.
           I will admit after working where I am working. It is a new dream of mine to adopt, I want to say like 10 children, but at least one or two children. If money wasn't in the way, I would really do 10 children. I just want to have that feeling of changing a child's life, not just for 3 months, but for a lifetime. I want to see the whole process in action and see who they end up being because of the Love of Christ. That is a gift that I can give easily to a child. That is something that I can pass on and let His Light shine through me.
              I would love to, at least, adopt a child from the states and then a child internationally. Just to learn the different and know I'm helping out all around the world. That is why I would want to adopt 2 or more. It would be a challenge but when it comes to children for me. Give me a challenge and I will do it. The hard part is finding a husband that is willing to do the same but if it is meant to be God will bring him to me in the perfect timing.
              I'm challenging you to go out this month and look for ways you can help in your community. See if your church have an adoption program you can help with or even families in the church that you can help out. Look into the non-profits in your community and see how they help children whether abused or adopted because those abused children will hopefully be adopted someday. That is the better way for them instead of being in the foster system all their lives. It is a road for those children.
              IF YOU CAN'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS, PLEASE, AT LEAST, JOIN ME IN PRAYER FOR PRAYING FOR THOSE CHILDREN THAT NEED ADOPTING AND THE FAMILIES THAT ARE ADOPTING. ALSO, TO RAISE UP MORE PEOPLE TO HELP IN THIS AREA BECAUSE SADLY IT IS ALWAYS GROWING, EVERYDAY. I will hopefully have most of my entries be about adoption this month too so please keep reading. If not, they will still be about the children I am working with.