Pray the Hardest, when it is the hardest to pray

        God always knows what I need to start a new year off right. I was looking back at the entry that I wrote last Jan. on New Year's Day and I can see a theme going on. The phase and word that I felt like I needed to learn more about was "Speaking the Truth in Love" and the word was "Truth". As I look back now, it wasn't like I planned it at all. The year had all sorts of craziness going on in it for me personally and then my family and friends that brought a lot on me too. There were some moments that I could tell that I was speaking the truth in Love to other people or at least trying to but as I look back, I see more that God was trying to speak His Truth in Love to me.           I spent a lot of time "alone" this year or with a few friends here and there. I had place whatsoever to spend time with big groups of people. That's just not me. I spent a lot more time doing Bible studies that had to do with breaking free and having room to ...

        This entry will be a little different then my other entries. I've been second hand to a situation that has made me upset and worried for the past few days. It is having me look and praying for a miracle even though I don't know the person personally. When I say that I have been second hand in the situation, that is what I mean. I don't know the person that the situation is about but I know some of his friends and some of his friends are close friends of mine so therefore, my heart hurt for my friends that as had direct connection with the situation.         I am learning a lot from this situation. When you care for someone, especially in the hunting industry, you need to let them know that you care for them every chance you get. You just never know when a hunting trip will go wrong or when the gun will go off just randomly. I will be truthful, right here and right now, but I have always been kind of scared of hunting. I can see the fun si...

         Sometime I will get a life to where I can stop writing about every little thing but right now, it is all about the memories I am making, right and wrong ones. It is a life to where I want to choose what I want to do for my future family and then share it later on with my future husband if God is willing. I really do believe as singles, people learn a lot about themselves and what they really want for other people. I still can't see how some people can get married out of high school or college but then again God has different plans for everyone.          I am writing on this fine Christmas morning because I can't stay asleep, even though, I really want to but it is a tradition that will never break me especially if I am not home on Christmas Eve. Oddly enough, I just learned that as I woke up this morning. I am never again spending Christmas Eve night by myself. There is no way that I can get any sleep. I'm just too excited to g...

        This Christmas Eve was very different for me then the last two Christmas Eves in the past 2 years. It was really strange for me. I had to work until 6:00 so I couldn't go home so I spent Christmas Eve by myself but I'm glad I didn't go home this year because throughout the day my eyes were open.  I only had 3 children and not 15 children on Christmas Eve and that is a good difference. It is good because it meant they had families to stay with and go home to.          I was quite at work today for moments at a time because I would just look at the babies and think about what their 1st Christmas would be like. I also almost cried at work today. They actually get a first Christmas with their parents. It is so hard working opposite jobs one after the other because it is fresh in your mind and that is all you go back on. It is like my mind has lituatlly been renewed with different things. I was playing with the babies that I had at w...

           I'm a girl that believes that God gives a lot of "second" chances or I was that girl. You messed up once you get a redo. Now I think I have turned into a woman that believes if God wants it to really happen, He will give you a real second chance. I always use to think, especially, in high school and after, that God will give you second chances on the little things like talking to someone when you missed the chance to the other day or go to something next year that you missed this year. I always looked for second chances with the little things and not the big things.           I'm here to say that I am a woman of the God that gives Second Chances. God just knew that He had to get you ready and get you through the tough things in life because part of those tough things were to help you learn who you really were so you could relate to people around you. The past two years haven't been the easiest for me to change back to my...

       Here are some signs of what Christmas Hope and even everyday Hope could look like for each and every Christian and the verses that you can look up to see the whole story of each sign. Christmas Hope is:        -the virgin Mary                           -Isaiah 7:14                     -the Christmas Lights                            -Isaiah 9:2        - Branch of a Christmas tree                            -Isaiah 11:1-3        -family being together                           -Isaiah 40:1,5            -a quite night ...

        "You've begun to move forward, to make changes, to recognize the incredible woman you are and become more of who God created you to be. And the enemy would love nothing more than to convince you it's too much, you can't do it, there's not enough time.....the list is endless. But it's not true, dear friend, You can change. You can grow. You already have-don't let anything stand in your way."-Holley Gerth         "Are you ready to take the next step? You can do this, sweet girl. With Him. In His Power. That power that created the world, spoke the stars into place, spend the sea from one shore to the another. That's the power that lives in you."-Holley Gerth         Okay, those were just two simple quotes that I wanted to write down somewhere so I wrote them down on this entry. The real reason for this entry is because I woke up thinking about what it meant to really live alone at 6:00 am on a Sunda...

         I hate to say this but since June my eyes have really been opened up a lot. I'm seeing how stressed and anxious I was with the job that I had back then that I wasn't trying to expand my friendships or life in any way or form. I would just come home and just be mad t the world around me or sleep but I was so exhausted on the inside. I would just think either about me or about the children I was working with. Probably more about the children because I knew I wasn't doing myself any favors during that job. There was just too much on my shoulders at that job and honestly it seemed like no one cared at all.        I really believe that God had a purpose for me quitting that job because now I feel so much happier and can see Him so much clearer and what He is doing in my life now. I have time to talk to friends and time to think to spend with God and think about Him instead of the children. Now don't get me wrong I loved the children but ...

         As women, we always look at Mary's story around Christmas time and how wonderful it was that she got to deliver God's Son. Now don't get me wrong, how Jesus came to earth was a miracle in itself but have you ever thought to look at Joesph's side of the Story. If you look at Mary's and Joesph's sides each apart and then together, it really does show the jobs of a women and a men when they are married together. Now this could be taken wrong if you don't know the whole story of those two or even the whole Bible so before you read all of this entry you need to know more about the Bible. I think this is a little thing to look into once you are use to the Bible and know most of the stories in it because it can be confusing and I don't want to lead anyone down that path.                So here is what I get from being a long time Christian and reading this Christmas story over and over again. I don't know why God is sho...

         I have been thinking about the different lifestyles between children a lot lately. Why? You might ask. Well, working at a shelter and then working at a "regular" daycare/preschool is very different within itself. When it comes to the children, though, that is not the only thing that is different. The other thing that is different is how they are raised and the culture that they are raised in. I love how every parent is so nervous and scared for their first child that sometimes they overprotect too much or don't ask for ideas or advice they just raise them.          Then there are parents, if you want to call them that, of the children at the shelter that doesn't care about the children at all. Yet I have seen some smailiar things in a few children at the daycare and some at the shelter but they were raised so differently. I love working in different settings and learning these different things.         ...

        I just have to brag about this past Saturday. It was a prefect one for the books (blog). It had a lot of moments that I won't forget and those moments are priceless, when it comes to family and children. I had 3 moments on Saturday that just made me smile and feel the joy inside of me. Isn't that what we are suppose to feel this Christmas season? Joy? I also got some rest between the moments and that made it even better for me. Just letting you know that a prefect Saturday for me is consistent with children, my own children, whether it is nephews and nieces or just friends' children or writing my "children" overseas.         My morning moment was the time I got to spend with my nephews and nieces. It was so much fun to be around them! We made gingerbread cookies and iced them. We also played some soccer. Maybe like 4 mins of soccer and the nephews won but it isn't about who won it was about the time playing with them. They also pretended ...

            The last two days have been the best of this month so far. When I say the last two days, I mean Friday and Yesterday. I was going to start out this entry by having a prayer answered Friday but I was to lazy and busy to write it Friday night so I wrote it today. I am also going to write about Saturday because it was another amazing say in itself along with Friday. Here it goes. Now first about Friday and that answered prayer.             I was having a really hard week with one of my new children at work and it seemed a little hard to communicate to him and his parents. Why you might be asking? The answer is they are from India and they raise their children a little differently then we do here in the states. The parents said that the reason they are starting to bring their little boy to us is because they want him to get some interaction with other children, which I understand completely. It has been hard though bec...

         Here is just a little quote that I didn't want to forget about because it is a good reminder for me. I found it in an article about anxiety on the "Desiring God" website. I was going to write a bigger entry about what it meant to me but I think this will do since I have so many other entry ideas to write. The quote says:  "Hoping in God should give women such a confidence in God’s care that they are not afraid of anything so that their relationship towards their husband, is not governed by fear, but by humble wisdom. So they are making choices not because they are motivated by anxiety or fear to avoid certain things, but because of other factors of gracious wisdom, but not fear, because hoping in God has taken away that fear. "-John Piper  It is also by one of the famous authors of all time: John Piper. You have to know that it is a good one to remember and to think about when things get tough.    

         I just now getting to write this entry over a sermon that I heard about 3 weeks ago. During the sermon, the preacher gave me an idea. He kind of gave an outline about what he did to keep overflowing with the Holy Spirit so I thought I would share in more details what I did for myself to keep me in step with the Holy Spirit too. The preacher's steps were for everyone so they weren't that personal. They were like: a moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, and so on. Here is my personal things that I do to keep overflowing with the Holy Spirit: -Have a daily verse calendar that I look at every morning. -Sometimes I do devos. in the morning for like 15 to 20 mins. -Listen to Christian songs while I'm getting ready in the mornings. -During my hour break, I take a walk outside and just look at God's Creation around me. -After work, sometimes if I have a Bible study, I would come home and do that for about 30 mins. to a hour. -Befo...

         Yesterday morning was so strange for me. I felt like I was still working at my other job during the morning. It is so strange how it happened. I never had a "real" flashback that was so close to what the flashback was yesterday. My mind remembered everything and my body felt like it did back then. I, also, came home and did what I did back then. I stayed up and cried for a little while. I will admit that. I need to get over my other old job but after seeing what happened yesterday, it is going to be hard. I loved those kiddos and think about them often.            I thought about our "worse" child at my last job that I had to deal with almost by myself. We were going through changing at my old job when he was there and I was the "normal" everyday one there and he didn't like change so I had to take care of him. He didn't understand much and he really liked a routine that is another reason why I had to help him. I remember ...

         Here are the 30 things I was Thankful for in the month of Thanksgiving. I can say that it helped each day go easy because when I woke up I would think of something I was thankful for a write it on my Facebook. I would go back to that thing if I was having a hard day or the things before that I wrote. I would even write 2 or 3 things down in the same day and then when it was time for that date of the day I would write it down to remind me of what I was thankful for.           I was even thinking about keeping it going throughout December so I would be thankful all holiday season and maybe that would get me into the habit for the New Year. We will see how many days I go can into December and then I'll write an entry for that month.           Here is the 30 things I was thankful for in November for Thanksgiving:           -Day 1: I am thankful that I live in a small apartment. ...

          I called this entry "Missing the Stories" because I do miss the stories from my last job. Some of them were sad but at the same time they showed me how blessed I was with the things I have. Sometimes the stories were funny stories too because the children had great minds. I just think about all the stories I heard, I read, and I told them too and it just still breaks my heart but I am making some new stories at my new jobs. There are stories about my co-workers instead of the children but still it is neat and sad to hear them depending on what we are talking about.          I love hearing about people's lives eespically when their lives are different then yours. It is getting down to that deeper part of getting to know the people. The part that I love to get at because I am a listener at heart and I like to learn all the time, which you do learn when you listen to stories. I, kind of, have a story here that I would like to wri...

        I was talking to a co-worker about what Christmas traditions I do and how I decorate the Christmas because she is putting one up for the first time this year. I got really hot and shakey and I probably even blushed but it is because I talked for the first time about something that I never thought I would have to talk about without the person by my side. It was the first time that I talked about my Grandma and her Christmas traditions without her living. I got through the talking with my co-worker without crying but then I came home and cried about it.         This Christmas is going to be really different and so hard without any grandparents to go visit. That got me thinking about the step by step and day by day that we need to live and do things. I started to ask a lot of questions to God during my quite time and here are some of the questions: -What are the simplest little things in my life? -What little, simplest step by step thing ...

           I got this idea/outline of how I want to pray from a friend. It was really encouraging to see a friend pray like this and actually talk about what happened after the prayer they prayed. I love to see answers to pray, even when it is the simplest of prayers, which this prayer was. It is what my friend wanted and God felt like it was okay to give it. These "points" are just want caught me off guard when I was listening to my friend's encouragement. There are 3 points that my friend made: -God's Will be done -For His Glory -In His Name -Everyday for the simple things. The End of the points. Then I added this point since it is what I learned Saturday night at church: -Overflowing with the Holy Spirit. How I am hoping to use those points is to write them down and then follow them by a prayer request that I really want or need. Because you can pray something like "God's Will be done" in this certain situation or for the day. I want to ...

         I will write this entry because I have been thinking a lot about the difference between women and men. Just seeing some of the things my guy friends are interested really makes me see how different we really are in our gender differences if that makes any sense at all. I call this entry "Home Vs. Truck" because that is the first thing that I thought about that was different between women and men but then this past week I had another thought.  What about "Children Vs. Outdoors" or "Children Vs. Hunting/Fishing" or "Home Vs. Shed". It could go on and on.          The idea of this entry is just to help other women see that as women and men we have different hobbies and we were made to run different things in this world but that doesn't mean that we cannot work together and accomplish somethings. I got the "Home Vs. Truck" idea when I was in the Bible Study called "Called to be a Keeper" and I was learning more about...

       Sorry that I am just now writing another entry. I know it has been awhile since I wrote one but I have been really busy with work and family things. This is something very special that I came across during one of my work breaks this week and I just had to share. I came across it because I have been feeling this certain feeling and I wanted to know why I was feeling the way I was. I was so confused at first but then finding this verse helped me a little to sort out those feelings. Here is the verse and a meaning on one word in the verse: "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that  Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."-Corinthians 7:5 Deprive-"To remove or withhold something from the enjoyment or possession of (a person or persons)        This verse really means a lot to me. Why is God, all ...

          This year, even these past few months, have had a lot of changes going on for me and I don't like them. I don't like change period. I hate it with a passion. I know it is funny to hear this from a women you wanted to travel like a missionary for awhile but now I see I hate it and couldn't live with it. I think I just had too much in my life as a little girl that I want to stay in one place and settle there. I am ready to settle with job and house and just start a real life.            With grandparents passing away and jobs changing, these past two years, I noticed I don't like changes at all. It was job after job changing different positions in those jobs. I just want to be in one position for more then 6 months. I'm really not liking the childcare field, the more I spend time in it. It is so much changing and not settling. I just want to be hired in one position with my degree that I spent 5 years getting and stay in th...

        I came up with this title after going over to someone else's house and seeing how many Bible verses they had up around their house and all the different ways they had them up. It was the week of the Bible study that I am in where we are called to make a home and we went over to another person's house to see what making a Christ centered home felt like and looked like. I got a lot of neat ideas from that home to use someday in my main home but then I came back to my small apartment and looked around.          I was thinking that I wanted to do the verses they way this person did them in her home. They were big on her walls and very pretty. There were wall hangings all around with verses or even nice, encouraging sayings on them. I was jealous at first because being a FACS major I love that kind of stuff and I've wanted my own big house ever since I got done with college. It is just a part of who I am and how I was raised but then I go...