Pray the Hardest, when it is the hardest to pray

Hebrews 12:28-29 The Message (MSG) 28-29  Do you see what we’ve got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. He’s actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed. God himself is Fire! Prescribed Burn to Beauty  There are things and thoughts growing in your heart. Things like trees, so strong,  and grass growing everywhere. There are even leaves that fell from the trees. You sit back and wonder, "What do I do with all of this?" I want it clear and clean for  New Love to come in.  My thoughts grow like weeds in the woods.  One by one I can't get rid of them by just  picking them. What else can I do? I try to pick them each day by renewing my mind but they keep growing back. I am trying to think of the strongest thing that I ...

         "Anxiety feels like an attack on your own body and life."                      That is what this entry will be about. That is the summary of my life off meds. or even when I am changing over to different meds. which I am trying to do now but it isn't working. I can really tell a difference from the other meds. I was on before. The meds. I am on now are not working at all even with 2 pills, which is a really high dose compared to where I started with it. I have never felt this bad when I have changed meds. before and this is probably the forth time that I have tried to changed. That has to mean something for the other med., right?            I have been on this new med. for about a month now and it hasn't helped at all. I just felt like I have gone downhill. It got so bad last night that I almost cried in my ...

        This title is sort of boring, I will admit but the entry is going to be full of stories. I love spending most of my weekends with a friend of mine and the children that she has in her care right now. It is giving me some experience of what it is like being a foster parent by myself and seeing if I want to do that. I can also go back to my past and remember the children I had from the shelter and share experiences with her that I experienced there. It is strange that I have someone who understands me now and that I also understand back. I love hanging out with her and her kiddos. It also lets me see all the different places around NWA for children.          With that being said, I got some new ideas for me one day, if I ever start a business of my own or something like that. Like yesterday we went somewhere indoors because it was raining outside, that place had puzzles glued to the wall. Not just any puzzles but the lock and unlock ki...

           I feel like Satan is picking on another one of my flaws. He is trying to get me anyway he can or that is what I feel like at least. He knows that I am happy with the job that I have now so he knows he can't get me that way. I feel like he is trying to get me to look down on my beauty or trying to get me to blame other people for what is going on in my life. The second one is hard to explain without saying what is really going on but I am going to try anyways later on in this entry. Right now I am going to talk about how He is trying to get me to think I am ugly.           I was going to use another entry for this but I think I will just talk about it on this one that way I can cut an entry faster and go onto another one that I have ready in my drafts. I feel like lately he has been talking to me loudly about my image and not in a good way. I always use to be the skinny girl in high school and college because of all the r...

          This was a sermon during the month of Feb. maybe the start of March. Can't quite remember when but I know it was somewhere in those two months. :) It was the 2nd to last sermon of the series called, "The MISSION of GOD". -Mark 11:17 -John 14:12-14          -Whatever you ask in my name          -Anything in my name          -In Jesus' name (His Salvation)          -In Jesus' name (His Passion) -John 15:7          -Whatever you wish -John 15:26           -Whatever you ask in my name ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ God Answers Prayer in Jesus' Name  -John 16:23b-24            -Whatever you ask in my name -Luke 11:9-10            -Everyone who asks receives       ...

If love is patient and love is kind Then I’m certain that this love is not mine It doesn’t envy, indeed doesn’t boast But that’s the love I’ve lived the most It is not proud, how could this be? For love self-seeking has always sought me It is not angered, nor records no wrong Perhaps that’s why I still don’t belong It delights not in evil, but only in truth This love, it’s foreign since my youth It protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres Exposing depths, my heart's great fears So now what more does my heart say To feel at times so far away From love that’s mirrored of God’s own face Accepting, humbled, His gift of grace It is not earned, nor is it measured But to know Him, my heart is tethered I strain to raise my eyes off me To look upon ONE who truly sees My limping life, so slowly has grown A  friend of God, I am fully known... Now faith, hope, and love remain... Yet love becomes, my greatest aim .      ...

             I got to experience one of the most amazing birthday parties ever yesterday! Nothing could have made me more happy then this party so much that I did start to cry at it because I was just overwhelmed by it. I also missed having the chance to do it too. My friend is a single foster parent and she has two children that she is taken care of and the little boy's birthday was this past Friday (17th). His party was yesterday and I got invited to it and it was so much fun for me. Just to see a party outside of the shelter for a little foster kid was an experience in itself.             I can tell you that at the shelter we did cupcakes and a lot of gifts that were donated to the shelter to give the children on birthdays but that is nothing compared to experiencing a foster kid's birthday with someone you know. It gets to be big and wherever you want it to be. It isn't just at the house or a building. My friend had h...

          Being a strong willed women is hard. That is the nice way to put it too. I really don't mind being called determined, or stubborn either. I was called determined all through my high school years but now I am strong willed. Most of the time and for most things I like being strong willed but there are some things that are hard to do in life too when you are that kind of women.             For me, the hardest part is finding a guy to date or even a future husband. Come on, when you think about it what guy wants a women that is stronger willed. What guy wants a women that can do everything or almost everything by herself? What does he have to save her from? That is what most guys think these days. That they have to save a women.            I have a totally different perspective, though, and it is I look for someone I can work besi...

          "A mother knows her own baby's cries and the different between each of them." You know how people and scientists say that or something close to it. Well, I believe there is another part to it if you have worked with children for long enough. I believe that, even if you don't have children of your own, you can tell between a spoiled and hurt cry. I realized that while I was subbing at a preschool this week. It was a hard day for everyone especially the children for some reason.             It was the first hard day I had at the preschool but I didn't mind it at all. I actually liked what I saw because it gave me hope that even children in "normal" settings need help too, not just at a shelter. Working at as many different children places has I have you will see differences and learn how to tell things apart like the crying. Here are what I think the differences are between a sp...

          This past week was full of God working in my life and me paying attention to Him. It is really strange how God can align His things with mine or maybe I'm just doing it the other way around. It just seemed to fit this week. God and His timing. It is the small things that God does actually start you out with to see and pay attention to and then He will go onto the bigger things. Like with me this week, it was with the Bible study, weather, a gift and a certain day. It was really strange. I couldn't get things off my mind. Everything was out of the way that they were suppose to be or usually are.            I will start telling you about the Bible study because that is when everything came back to me. Actually it all started around Christmas but I forgot about it for a month and a half and after that it came back to me because I had to do it. It wasn't Christmas that God wanted me to do this thing but this past Saturday. An...

        It is funny how all this week I have wrote an entry a day. Notice that I do it in the mornings though. That is how unbusy my life has been this week. All because of a 5 hour training tommrow. Subbing really does make a week go by faster. Let me tell ya! Anyways, that's not why I am here. I am here because I have learned the different ways that God can speak to me and I want to share them with you. The different ways God can speak are: through pray, the Bible, the church/people, and situations. I'll try and give you examples of each.           Prayer is where I can hear God speak the most. I see a lot of answers to prayer. It is something easy I can do and very meaningful too since I write mine out. Ideas even pop into my mind during a prayer or afterwards if I would take the time to sit there and just listen for awhile. Prayer is a good way for me to speak to God because I can write out my personal...

....Listening and Praying.                      God has really stressed those two things to me already this month. It just seems like He has something He wants me to hear but I haven't quite figured it out yet. The sermons and Bible studies have been about prayers and listening. I know I need to spend some more time listening to Him especially from the Bible but I thought I had praying down. I have done it all my life and I am a big fan of it. Yet everything has been on a deeper level in prayer. It hasn't just been on how to pray but how we can pray for deeper things. How to have a real talk with God and then wait for an answer whether we like it or not.            My problems are remembering and/or looking for answers to my prayers. There are times God will pop in and say, "hey, remember when you prayed this. Here is the answer." I know there are some tim...

"God,          You have always made me a strong prayer warrior. That's what I do best in my walk with You. Granted I might miss some nights here and there. I never want my prayer life to fall by the side. It is easy now because I am by myself but when that changes if it does, don't let me fall from it. You know how much I need it in my life everyday and I will just need it more as my life goes on and things changes through and through. Give me time everyday now and later in life to have and spend time with You. I love learning more and more about prayer even though it should be and probably is just repeated things. It never hurts to be reminded of things that are most important to You and how to do them. I will say these past 3 weeks on prayer I have learned a lot that I didn't know and other things that I knew but saw in a different view. Thank you for letting me see prayer differently and like I said before don't let it fall to the side for me as I get older...

            What do I say about children when I have done all of the ages, Preschool through 4th grade. What do I say when I am around every grade throughout one day? That is my life right now when I sub but I love it and fun too. I sub for a preschool and then my real job is with Kindergarten through 4th grade. You learn a lot of things when you are around all the grades. You could probably tell that children are my passion since I am around every grade.            Being around every grade does make me sleepy but it makes my day go by faster too. It gives me a lot more experience for later in life. I don't know what I am doing permeantly but it is good that I am doing this. It also gives me a lot of networks to go through for later in life. I also love picking my own times and I know I said that before.            Preschool is ver...

         When reading this, you all might think it is funny but there is some truth to it too. If you know me, you won't be surprised that I am writing an entry about it either. My co workers and I were talking to one of the little girls about make up and giving her a free bag to put it in. Then one of my co workers said that every girl wears make up and I just laughed at her and said, "Not me." Then she commented back, "Almost everyone. It is nice when they do." And she was encouraging her to wear it.             All this time I am listening and thinking, "Girls don't need a make up bag. The beauty is on the inside that counts." Then that is where the idea for this entry came from. It has been awhile since we have talked about that but I kept it as and entry because it is a good lesson and reminder to us, girls and even women. It also made me see how bad the world is at pushing beauty on the...

           My life is being threaded together in a lot of different ways. I have been through a lot but it is because God has a Great Plan for me. I didn't noticed the threading together part until here recently. We are all on God's Mission here on the earth and we try to listen and do His Will but it can get blocked at times or it is not like we planned at all but we still do it. There are certain times in my life where God has threaded through things that I didn't even plan on in my life but I wouldn't have it any other way right now. Things ended up better and they continue to get that way too.            You tend to see God threading you life together when you get out of college or in college but not before then. You have everything planned out for you before then like going to school and living with your family. You have your parents there to tell you how to live and when to do things but it is then after you graduate hig...