Pray the Hardest, when it is the hardest to pray

             God is really doing something in my life but I still can't tell which way He wants me to go with it. I had a situation last year that really got me worked up for a few days and I didn't think about it much about it til this month. I have been trying to change some things about me and how I do some things. I hope that I have gotten better at not doing those things so much or not at all. It was just really strange this past weekend though. I knew the days were coming up and that it would be a year since everything happened and I could look back and see how I did. I forgot the exact date until I looked back at my email and saw the exact date of the letters. Now granted, I thought it was end of May and start of June but really it was just the end of May.              Why I am making the statement: "God is Really doing something" is because this past weekend on the days the situation happened last year, I fel...

        Well, today is the last day of the 2016-2017 school year and for me it is sad but a big deal at the same time. It is sad because I have no idea where I'll be next year. We aren't promised the school that we are at now. I was thinking the other day that I have been at that school most of the school year. I started this job in Sept. Of last year. I did kind of fall for my kiddos even though they are quite crazy at times. I still love them.          Yeah, I get to see them over the summer, most of them anyways. I am just not their group teacher anymore so just not seeing them as often. It is crazy that I have spent a year under a public school job. It made me realize how much I miss working under them and with those types and ages of children. Just knowing what is going on in that community and see that I can really move up is encouraging. I mean they just passed another chance to build more schools in the...

"Love is entering into someone else's mess."- 1 Cor. 13 Love is a Mess Love is a mess. It starts as one and ends the same. You are just stepping into someone else's crazy and messy life. Love was never meant to be prefect especially here on earth. There was only one perfect man and He came down into our mess and died the same way. Love is a mess because of the sinful world we live in. The world has you thinking it will be easy and peaceful. Was it that way when God won us over? No. He had so many heartaches and people hated Him but He still went on loving even them. He had the patience and kindness to win them over. Love is not the happy ever after you see in movies. Love is a mess worth fighting for. Love is where you have empathy for people. Where you care and really understand them. There will be the little messes that you will have to clean up every now and then. You can have each other and God to get you through those messes. It is ...

Exodus 15:13 " In your unfailing love you will lead      the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them      to your holy dwelling." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Numbers 14:19 "   In accordance with your great love, forgive   the sin of these people,   just as you have pardoned them from the time they left Egypt until now.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Deuteronomy 7:9 " Know therefore that the   Lord   your God is God;   he is the faithful God,   keeping his covenant of love   to a thousand generations   of those who love him and keep his commandments." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lamentations 3:21-23 "   Yet this I call to mind  and therefore I have hope:  Because of the   Lord ’s great love   we are not consumed   for his compas...

"If you're grateful that God has never stopped pursuing and rescuing you, let the world know with a joyful "Amen!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Psalm 18:6-24 (MSG): "A hostile world! I call to GOD, I cry to God to help me. From his palace he hears my call; my cry brings me right into his presence— a private audience! Earth wobbles and lurches; huge mountains shake like leaves, Quake like aspen leaves because of his rage. His nostrils flare, bellowing smoke; his mouth spits fire. Tongues of fire dart in and out; he lowers the sky. He steps down; under his feet an abyss opens up. He’s riding a winged creature, swift on wind-wings. Now he’s wrapped himself in a trenchcoat of black-cloud darkness. But his cloud-brightness bursts through, spraying hailstones and fireballs. Then GOD thundered out of heaven; the High God gave a great shout, spraying hailstones and fireballs. God shoots his arrows—pandemonium! He...

         I feel like I've hit rock bottom. Not the bad rock bottom where you feel like you're hopeless but the other one. The one that you are done doing things by yourself. The one where all you can do is rely on God because you have no idea about your life and where it is going. The one where you feel like you've tried everything but nothing is working. The one that you see that you need to be committed to everything on your life because they are connected. If you are not committed, things will not go smoothly.            Let's just say I've hit that special rock bottom that is before the age of 30. Here is everyone getting married and having a family by that age and I am over here totally confused. I haven't even started my dream yet. I haven't even fully learn to take care of myself fully I am seeing. I feel like I am going in a downward spiral when I am suppose to be going up. I feel like my...

            I try not to sure my personal feelings on here because I know it might cause people to worry but I am writing so people would more understand what I am going through and feeling like. I will try to keep it down to non worrying details. Don't get me wrong I appicate all the encouragement that I am getting and it does so me people care about me. I guess giving me ideas help too but when it is the same thing over and over, it gets old. When people give me the simplest things to do, it makes me mad even though I know people are just helping. If one person suggested it, don't you think I've tried it?              This is one of the confusing things I keep going back and forth on. Most of the time, I just want someone to listen to and know they listening, not someone to try and fix me. That is part of my mental health problem. I can't stick with just one thing and f...

            These are 3 questions that the leader of my Spring Bible Study gave us to answer at the last class. She wrote them on the board and we each answered all 3 of them. We had to answer them with what we learn through the 13 weeks of the Bible study. It was really good because the Bible study was "Experiencing God" so thinking about these questions after that Bible study, it was a meaningful last class. It was just also neat to see what the others were learning in the class and see their perceptive of things because we are all going through something different. Time to put down my answer to the questions from that class. 1. What did you learn about relationship with God?             -Trusting God as a Lover and a Provider. Being real with Him and other people. 2. How has it changed how you live?              -Trying to be more real. Seeing the true pain in myself and people...

          I have had to be creative with ways to go over vitures​ with my after school group because they are having a hard time remembering how to act. I have been stressing them more and because of that it seems to be working. They are behaving a lot better but I have to remember to keep doing it or they will go crazy. It is sad but true. It is the generation that is growing up.            I have an idea that I haven't done yet. The idea is put a viture word on a piece of poster paper and then what it means. The group would read it together​ every morning before we did anything else. That would be one way to get it into their minds and make them remember. They can see it and say it. Two ways of learning. The other way that I have been getting these words in their minds is: asking them questions about the word and for examples about what the word looks like in action. They really like this ...

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall,  but those you HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;  they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:30-31           I forgot about this verse until I heard it again at church last night. The word that stuck out to me this time was "Hope". It is funny that it happened then because I was just thinking about how I needed a verse with the word "Hope" in it. I was wondering what Hope really was and how I could get back to it. I know I need more then this one verse to understand Hope but it is a start. This past week was just hard for me too. I mean the verse says all the feelings that I was feeling this week. I was feeling tried and weary. I fell some many times and messed up a lot with myself and the children. I really felt like my strength needed to be renew because things were just not going my way ...

Proverbs 4:23 (GNT) - 23  Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts. 2 Peter 3:9 -   The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise,   as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient   with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. Deuteronomy 31:6 -   Be strong and courageous.   Do not be afraid or terrified   because of them, for the   Lord   your God goes with you;   he will never leave you   nor forsake   you.” Ecc. 3:1 - There is a time   for everything,      and a season for every activity under the heavens: Hebrews 6:19 - We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, Isaiah 43:19 - See, I am doing a new thing!      Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness      an...

           This week I hate them both with a passion. If I could do without, I would. It is funny how the most unimportant things can cause you the most stress and trouble in your life. I have found out that with two things we have became too relying on them, it is sad. If one of those things messes up, then our whole lives are messed up. When I say cards, I mean credit cards. I hate dealing with these two things by myself. It brings out the worst in me and I hate that. I have dealt with that all this week. My credit cards for working and a flat tire on my car and to top it off my friend got engaged. Don't get me wrong I am really happy for her and I am not comparing anything. It is just something that happened this week that was new and shocking. Just threw me off a bit.             I have been dealing with this credit card company for two days now. They have me on my parent'...

         Some days after coming home from work I ask myself, "Do children really have compassion anymore?" Do they even know what that word means? I was lucky enough to hit on it when they were hitting on it during the school hours too. "Compassion" is the word of the month for May. They were excited that we were going to talk about it too.            It was sad that I had to go over what it meant though. We had to miss computer time because we needed to talk about it. My 2nd graders are so mean for 2nd graders. They will make fun of others because they are different, they will call each other name, and they won't go to with someone if they don't have to. It is so bad. I have even had one child say that she isn't friends with another child so why does she need to be nice to her. They also have a really bad time listening to adults. They don't even show compassion to the adults. It is really ...

         When I say the power of the word "no", I am not meaning between parent and child in this case. I am not even meaning just from the child. I am meaning between a friend and a so called friend. I am also meaning the act of not responding when you really should. I have been through both in my life and that's the reason it is the way it is to this day. I really believe that it is what started my axienty. Here is why I believe it has had a big impact on my life.             No one really understands my life when it comes to boys/guys. I feel like I was cursed back in the third grade because of something I didn't do but should have. I was thinking and mapping it all out last night and it makes sense. Now I just have to learn how to rekindle everything so I have at least a chance in my lifetime. I was one of those girls that always blamed the guy until last night. I was the one that messed...