Pray the Hardest, when it is the hardest to pray

         I LOVED observing OT at a public school especially a public school that was like the school I started in. I honestly felt like I was home again with cows, right across the school, in a pasture. It was the best of both my worlds as a child. Big school in the country far enough out where you could see cows from the front doors. I observed at the Pea Ridge Primary School today and it was so different then observing at a preschool. I was back in my area where I feel the most comfortable. It went by too fast and too easy for me. I thought it was going to be a lot harder but it really wasn't.         The thing that I learned the most and really shocked me about public schools is that they seem to be more focused on the classroom things like writing, counting, cutting and coloring, and so on. They seem to work more on the fine motor then the gross motor things. The children just seem to have a lot more of that fine motor. Another thing tha...

          I really wish I could stay at the place that I observed for two days because I feel like I was just getting to know the workers and children there. I seemed to be more opened up and so did everyone else. I learned a lot by just what the teacher was telling me about certain things. The teachers were also talking back and forth about OT colleges so I can a lot of insight on that and none of it scared me. It will be fun to get to observe another place and compare the two for now and then 3 and then 4.          It was hard for the children to be back and do the things they were use to doing there at the school because they just got back from Spring Break. I saw a lot more crying and not listening then the first time I was there but that is normal for children after a long break away. It just shows you how important a routine is to some of these developmentally challenged children. I learned 3 new things that were really interestin...

          I'll admit I never was much into the whole Spring Cleaning thing when I lived at home or even at college and I think it is because I didn't have that much and sadly then I didn't have to spend my own money on clothes. I also think it has a lot to do with I just didn't care. That was my mental state back then plus I didn't know how many people my age needed clothes and here I was hogging some in my closet. Yes, they are high school and college style clothes so I finally decided to update a little plus with my lifestyle right now I won't fit into them for very much longer.          It is actually pretty fun doing a little bit of Spring Cleaning. Yes, only the FACS majors would say that. :) I'm more then overjoyed to do it and give stuff away. I'm also repacking things that I'm storing into plastic, stackable boxes instead of cardboard boxes. Getting to see some old things that really do need to my thrown away but brings back mem...

          I think we use the phase "just feels right" too much as people. We take things for granted when we say that and we will don't know what feels right. I was thinking about this today after reading something a friend wrote and it just hits me. Why do some things feel just right but when are scared to go after them or they are so hard to get so we don't even try after the first try if at all? It is also strange how we know things are just right but yet we don't continue to go after them.           We could be standing on the thing that just feels right or talking to the person that feels just right. People and things that we love and just feel like gets us but yet we don't go any farther then we have to. We think trying once will work and if it doesn't then we won't try again. I will say and use my life as an example right now. I have a lot of plans for the future like going back to college and/or starting a family and those thing...

          People have told me not to write a lot about my anxiety on my blog but for some reason I feel like I need to share what has just happened to me. It is the strangest thing ever and I don't like it. I have just wanted to cry non stop during and about things. I use to cry at church when the message was touching and just anything that was touching I would start to cry. I was very emotional and to be honest I miss that part of me. I am on some meds. to control my anxiety but at the same time I feel like I lost part of me.            I cried tonight after I went to bed and read something from a friend of mine and I have no idea why but I finally let the fountain flow and it felt good. I guess a lot has been going on in my life too and things were just piling up and still are kind of. Thinking about who I need to be compared to who God made me to be and how to get there. Work has been hard and struggling not to tell a friend the...

          I know I keep going back and forth on my future life but I'm in my 20s. Isn't that what I'm suppose to do. Being an OT someday would be great but for now I like where I am and I have other dreams I want to pray about and get accomplished. I have my undergrad degree and for now that should be enough especially for what I want to do in the future. Oddly, I needed a degree for that. Not really but it is something I like to do so I got a degree in it.           I know I can make more money with a Master's especially in OT or any high thing having to do with children but that is not why I picked children as my focus. I picked them because I love working with them and helping them in anyway that I can. Today at work really helped me see that if I have my eyes open to the children around me I can help them or at least try to help them in some way whether writing things down or sharing things with other staff. I love talking it throug...

         Balance? What's that? Happiness? What's that? Is that when clothes and things are all over your little apartment? Is it when you are eating pre made meals for supper? Is it coming home every night stressing about things that happened at work? Is it not seeing and talking to your friends as much as you should? Is it when you are in your 20s and you have no idea what to do in life? Is it when you are exploring the possibilities that life has for you? Is it when you want a husband and your own family in your life? Where and when do we find that balance=happiness?           Yes, these are some of examples of how I feel about my life right now and what I need to find in it besides all these things. I'll admit I don't have any balance in my life yet. I graduated from college 4 years ago and still haven't found balance and happiness in my "adult" life. I'm still searching. Don't get me wrong I love where I am at now but I know there i...

         "Who am I" is a question that I have been asking myself a lot lately.  I really feel like I don't fit in anything. I'm not the business type or the married type. I'm not the missionary type or the outgoing type. Something happened today that made me realize, kind of more of, who I am. I have been praying for God to show me that in ways and I think today was one of His ways. I had a lot of people at work comment me on the education part of me. How I love to educate the children and make sure they get that education. It was very because there was 5 people there and all of them said something about education. I even told me that the children talked and showed my projects to them every night.            After that happened, I got to thinking maybe they do need me here for the education part. Maybe I can start really looking something up for the type of children I work with. If there isn't anything out there, maybe I can w...

         "It is a hard decision b/c you have to really pray and figure out if this is something you want or God wants. That is the hardest part of this whole thing is putting your thoughts and feelings aside and only hearing God. I think if you are able to do that every thing else will answer itself. God is always growing us and changing us, and it is good not to be comfortable, because if you are comfortable you are not open to the change that God could be making in you. God can put you at peace, while at the same time change the path just slightly that He wants you to walk down."         As I am sitting here, drinking a glass of water, and wishing I could go to bed because it is late, other things are on my mind. Thanks to all the Bible studying I have been doing these past week to this week. I have been reading verses about giving problems over to God and He will answer them and don't fight the problems just give them over because it tu...

        God is really working on me lately and it hit me tonight at church. I've spent the last two weeks study who I was meant to be to God in my Bible Study. I am His Bride, His Beautiful One, His Beloved One and so on. Learning that I am all of those things to Him, I have to let go of what I was holding on to all these years that I didn't even knew existed. I have to kneel down in my Garden and pray that His Will be done in my life.         My garden is not beautiful yet. Since it is just being to be Spring and rain more then snow, it is just getting what it needs. My garden got planted and there are still seeds to plant but some seeds are growing right now. I saw all the weeds that were in my garden and the darkness that shined over it for a lot of years. Nothing could grow there but weeds because weeds grow everywhere no matter the soil type. Only flowers grow when the soil is wet, strong, and well fed.          In ...

         Yesterday morning I got up thinking no matter if I'm alone for life or have someone always beside me "God is enough". I was just thinking about what I am doing and what I want to do in life and how hard it would be for someone to stay with me through everything. I even have some hard times staying with the friends that I should stay with and doing things for them. Then today I did something special for a friend and it felt good for me at least. I hoped it felt good for my friend and not strange but I know it felt good for me.           It is strange because I have been reading my Bible a lot more this week and learning that God will answer me when I cry out to Him and give me blessings beyond belief. Today, after work, I felt that in a way that I never have before. Usually as selfish as I am, I do things to please other people and hope they pay me back in someway. Well, today I don't need any pay back. I'm happy with what I got...

          The day I started observing OT changed my life for the better. It was everything I ever dreamed it would be. Playing with cute children. Helping them reach new levels of learning that everyone else thought was impossible for them. Learning about new things everyday whether it is something new with the child or a different disability that they might have. I would and could do it every day of my life.           Observing OT in a preschool setting is pretty amazing. First, I miss the preschool setting very much. I miss the wide open spaces in preschool buildings where everywhere you turn there is a child there. I miss how nice the teachers and every adult is to the children. I love how the OTs had their little spaces where they could take the children away and out of the classroom to work with them. They had their little office for fine motor skills and to work on their own papers. Then they have this big "gym" with a lot of gros...

        I don't want this entry to sound desperate or sad so I'll try my best not to make it that way but it is part of my path that I have to accept and take part in to become stronger and closer to God. I'm at the age where I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I want to settle yet it is so hard to do just that. I still have some things that I want to explore like different career paths and maybe travel a little bit more and see what grad school is like. I want to buy a house and live in it by myself for a few years so I can have it just the way I want it. So many things to do by myself but yet I feel like I need to settle. Get a good job that pays well and find someone to live with.          I don't just want to "find" those two things. I want those two things to be special and something I have to work for. Maybe not a lot but at least a little. My friends tell me not to compare my life with the other lives around me which I do a...

        Today was a blessed day for me at work. It was just so neat to see all the children getting along and having blast in their own little way. No complaining or fights. It was a big blessing since I wasn't feeling so great at all either. There were a lot of littles moments that caught my eye but I am proud of one of my little girls.          Most of the morning they would be playing with legos or the leap pads that we have. The younger children would be playing with the trains. They kept busy by themselves for once and it was neat just to watch them play. They were a bit whiney again near nap time but they were also up pretty early this morning. We painted shamrocks with apples and the two oldest children built a big house with legos. It was just a really calm morning but there is one of my big girl that I was really proud of this morning.            This little girl needs or wants a lot of attention and s...

         It is so fun when I truly get to stay over at work and be there for the children. Some people might think it is so strange of me but that is where my heart is right now and I'm single so why not do it now. At least, I know, when I'm there, they are getting some routine like usual. There might be some changes like playing out in the snow or doing special crafts but it is usually the same. I only had to spend one night this time and I got such a good night sleep that I had fun with the children today.          I can't tell write much about what we did because of safety issues but I will write that we had a snow day in the snow. We made bird feeders from toilet paper rolls with peanut butter and bird seed on them. Then after snack we went out and hung those bird feeders in the woods behind the building. We walked in the snow and the children had a blast doing it. We saw some kind of footprints in the snow whether it was raccoons o...

       This entry won't be very long because I can't say much about where I work but I am in my 3rd year at the place. That is the longest that I have been at any job so far. Of course, this is my second "real" job out of college. I'm enjoy it a lot. There are good and bad things about it and I get stressed at times, but isn't that every job? I really am amazed at myself for staying this long and how much I have changed personally and as a worker because of it.         Yes, I am a College of the Ozarks graduate but nothing can get you ready for what I do. Not even a great college like College of the Ozarks (might be a little bais there). You just have to lean on God every time something goes wrong or you are worried. I have became more of a leader in a lot of ways while being there. I have also spoke up more for the children because they cannot speak for themselves. It is hard job and there are few people out there that can do it and God gave me ...